Plastic Surgery: Should I do it?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

img_6198It’s Sunday and I’m lazing around looking on social media and I see someone who I hadn’t seen in a while, something was different.
Her breasts were huge and quite tender looking, snap! She’s had work done. I noticed her friends too, all their bodies looked exactly the same.  It was clear they shared similar values in that respect.

I was a little bit saddened by it because part of what made each of them physically unique had been lost under the knife, probably in a foreign country somewhere. That isn’t shade, just the reality.

This individual used to stick up for her what others would call saggy breasts and show them like a badge of honour, seemingly not giving AF which I quite admired, so it was a shock to see that she had done it. It’s safe to say that under the heavy scrutiny she bulked.

The pressure to be and look amazing today is ever increasing, I mean who doesn’t want to be admired? I do, in fact worship me (I kid…sort of).

I get it, it’s hard to be the only one not doing something especially under the constant gaze of negative, miserable gremlins or on the flip side the constant feed of ‘perfect’ bodies. Your resolve has to be impenetrable because by simply being around it, you tap into that consciousness.

That consciousness is something that’s palpable, you feel it but can’t quite hold it. Even your favourite love to hate rapper Kanye West had lipo’ as he ‘didn’t want you to call me fat like you did Rob’. The Kanye West. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind, especially whilst working out- its a bitch.

Plastic surgery used to be a secret and something only the rich and famous could afford. You didn’t come across people with augmentations often. On the rare occasions that I did, in hushed tones I’d gesticulate at my friend towards the muse in question, looking on in awe at how we are able to cut ourselves up and make something we weren’t born with bigger. My young naïveté couldn’t quite fathom it. And anyway weren’t we supposed to love what God gave us?

I have fought with this particular subject matter as whilst I firmly believe that people should do whatever makes them happy, I haven’t entirely reconciled that with the risks that plastic surgery holds physically, emotionally and mentally, but I suppose high risk, high reward?

Another part of my concern is in the pseudo-confidence it provides a lot of women and men and what will happen when once again what’s on trend changes, not to mention that the enhancements still don’t exclude you from having insecurities like everyone else. In some cases, a few people go on to develop greater insecurities because they never want to lose that feeling of being desirable to themselves and to others. Then there’s the lack of sound judgment and the carelessness at which some people make these decisions that end up having permanent unwanted effects including death. Undoing some of the negative effects can be a hard journey and K Michelle’s story is a testament to that.

It certainly has it benefits which I have personally witnessed amongst the people I know, I don’t dispute that at all. They seem…happier

A friend and I joke that we’ll be the only ones holding on for dear life not succumbing to the demand to carve ourselves out to perfection although now that I think about it, my friend does talk about shaving down her jaw, reducing her forehead and getting under eye fillers so maybe it’ll just be me, maybe.

Perhaps there’ll be a revolution with the likes of Kylie and K Michelle undoing their plastic surgery decisions and that it will encourage people to give it a bit more thought before going under.

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t acknowledge that we all have some type of enhancement whether it’s our nails, hair, teeth, gym, filters and so on. We too subscribe to wanting bigger and better, and whilst the gravity of it can be less severe, the principle is the same.

With that said, this is much more of an inside job than it is an outside one. It’s what’s taking place upstairs that impacts everything around you and what you experience. That is the real power and once we begin to master this, the lives we lead will be further enriched. And no, it’s not easy to work on you,  it’s constant effort and often times a struggle too but worth it in the long run.

If you choose to have surgery, make sure that you’re not making these changes so others can feel better about you so you can feel better about yourself, as to put it plainly, that’s backwards. Do due diligence with taking that step as your life truly depends on it.

Most importantly don’t forget the you underneath all of that. You spend the most time with that person, love them, accept them because in acceptance there is freedom.

Xo

Call It Quits?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

img_0874You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it.

Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing seems to be changing. You want to stop but you haven’t…yet.

Will it ever happen? Should I give up? Did I make a mistake going down this path? Can I fix it? Should I fix it? What did I do wrong?
It’s not going happen, I should give up, I never should have embarked on this journey, there’s nothing more I can do, I should have done this instead…

The constant noise, the incessant chatter of shoulda woulda couldas engulfs you. You can’t think straight.

Too overwhelmed to do much, yet too far gone to give it all up.

I know the feeling, it’s tempting to call it quits especially on days where it doesn’t make sense.
Truth is, when you made the decision to pursue your desires, there were no guarantees that it would happen, you only believed in it enough to do something about it, kudos to you.

In times like these, you must reconnect to your why. Stop the static by getting out of your normal environment and purge yourself of your thoughts.

Sounds simple, almost too simple yet it works.

I was having a nightmare of a time yesterday with a decision I had made months ago and I was so close to going back on my word. I had re-enacted what I felt like doing in that moment a trillion times but deep down I knew I’d regret it.

I wanted to stay on course but was struggling to. I called on my friends to keep me motivated; they helped, however it didn’t immediately ease my feelings. My thoughts were doing over time.

I decided to go to a small park around where I work. I opened notes on my phone, wrote two lines about how I was feeling and that was it. My sound mind was restored.

img_0813

Seeing the words was a visual reminder of why I was doing it and that the possibility of something better was worth the effort and indeed valuable to me.

Try it out. If you feel uncertain about your direction, get into nature. Spend time there, meditate, write or even talk to someone. It’s the best free therapy there is. And when you’re done, pat yourself on the back for everything you have accomplished so far, appreciate the moment you’re in now, stay connected to your why and never give up.

If it doesn’t happen on the first try, keep doing it, clarity will come.

“Anything worth having, is worth waiting (working) for”…apparently (lol)

xo

Being 30

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

806218a3-0e8e-494c-902a-179c303c4aa3

At 22 I made a video with my then boyfriend (not that kind of video, ya nasty) about what I wanted to accomplish by 30. Unfortunately I do not have the video to refer back to as he deleted it when we broke up- salty.

Anyway, I remember having such grand plans of what I wanted my life to look like and the accomplishments I should have by the time I turned 30.

L-O-L

My life is nothing like I had envisioned. It’s great just different.

For years leading up to it, I was incredibly conscious of that target to the point of sometimes crippling anxiety. I’d think about turning 30, and palpitations would follow with a sense of foreboding ‘I am not going to do everything am I?, I’m failure if  I don’t make my goals, all my peers are getting along nicely, there must be something wrong with me…’ and the constant head chatter would regurgitate itself every so often.

Then there were the advice from those in their 30’s, talking about how amazing it will be and how much you’d enjoy it. Their opinions were met with my dubious side eye, raised left eyebrow and pursed lips “sure”.

But here I am 6 months into being 30 not having achieved all of my previous goals and thinking what was the big deal? Life hasn’t come to a halt because things didn’t go according to my plan and it also did not require me to stop working towards them just because I’m 30, in fact quite the opposite.

I have opted to continuously recommit myself to, well, me, in every aspect and there’s no age limit on that-it’s entirely up to you.

Don’t limit yourself. If things don’t work out as planned, oh well, it’s not the end of the world. Keep going, take a step back if you need to, but simply don’t quit.

7a9f041d-9bd5-4321-b4eb-f0e22a7ab1b7

Xo

Not About This Life!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

img_6067

I do contract work, so that means every few months I change jobs and for the most part I like it. I don’t get stuck anywhere especially if I am not that keen on it (I may or may not have commitment issues, but that’s for another post).

Of course there are pitfalls such as lack of job security/stability, having to look for a new role every few months (which is like pulling teeth) and the restrictions in career progression, however I’m at a point where for my own personal goals I need to secure a permanent role. Thing is there isn’t a role that makes me want to jump out of bed and therein lies part of the problem. Whilst there are positions that pique my interest and would provide some sense of purpose, but its still just so blah.

Earlier today whilst discussing career opportunities with a friend, in jest I said that I resign from the search and I am just going to sell hair. We laughed till tears came out of my eyes.

Needless to say, I am not about to sell hair or am I? I’m creative being and I need the license to, well, create and not be restricted.

The goal would be to sufficiently excessively sustain myself from doing the things that I love (one of them being writing) and that’s a work in progress.

This stage of my life is aptly called ‘Winging it’, but that’s part of adulting isn’t it? figuring shit out.

When I do get some semblance of what/where the hell I am doing or going next, I’ll be sure to let you know.

If you don’t have a clue what to do, keep moving, be proactive in trying out new things, don’t restrict yourself and certainly do not give up, persevere.

XO

P.s Just proof that we all have moments where we don’t know what we’re doing, you’re not alone 🙂

 

Where’s Your Head At?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry.

Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however we can never quite get it together and it’s always by some stroke of luck that we find somewhere at the very last minute.

Anyway this fight was coming up and I was completely over the palaver of trying find somewhere. Nope, not doing it. I am not looking for a place, a vibe, a nothing, but, I still had the issue of wanting to watch the fight, so what do I do? Then it hit me, ‘Irene, pay for it and watch it at home DURH!’. That’s what anyone with common sense would do, right? Except I was so used to having the mind frame of watching it with others, in their space and on their dollar that it never ever occurred to me that I could just pay for it myself and watch it in the comfort of my own home, without the hassle. Genius idea.

It might sound minute to you, but it shocked the hell out of me because I hadn’t realised that even in something as small as this I had become conditioned to think about some things in a way that was limiting my experiences. Needless to say I paid for it, watched it in bed and after the boring fight was over, fell right asleep, perfect.

It took me making a different choice to encourage me to have a different experience.

What old ways do you have that is limiting your experiences? What could you take responsibility for? What different choice could you make that might lead to a different experience?

The people who get uncommon results do uncommon things. Break your mould and do something you wouldn’t normally and yes sometimes doing that will be difficult and challenges will arise, push through anyway and do it.

I did a presentation last week in front of a whole directorate and I was shitting myself. They couldn’t tell though but I was so sure I was making an arse of myself. It was my first time doing something of that kind and trust me when I say all sorts of challenges cropped up in the lead up to it but I expected that because that’s what happens when you want . I seriously considered dropping out at the last minute and said to myself, ‘Irene why did you say you’d do it?’. But guess what? It was well received and my colleague and I had lots of positive, reaffirming feedback.

It was also a huge learning curve and built my character and skills, yet if I had quit, I’d never have that.

Its a new week, do something different and see how it goes. Whether you win or lose, you learn from it- you still win.

The Danger of Expectations

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

My First Time

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was in love once. You never forget your first time.

I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth.

…And with first loves comes first heartbreak and mine was one of the worst experiences to date, I’d never wish it upon my enemy. My mind convinced me that I will not get over it and be the same. Part of that is true, I was never the same but I certainly did get over it.

Although the pain of it is long forgotten, the effects still remain and I am continuously working on undoing it all. I have not been “in love” since, as I inadvertently made it conditional. The ones after him didn’t stand a chance, the bar was set stupidly high.

Now that isn’t to say I consistently made good decisions, I definitely did not. I did become fiercely protective over how close you could get and mastered the skill of not showing much emotion. To me, showing emotion was a sign of weakness and being vulnerable a terrible thing, but as we can see here my beliefs on that is changing slowly but surely.

Between figuring out who I was, childhood trauma, growing through adolescence, university, volatile relationships and friendships, I was a complete and utter mess. No word of a lie, you could see the struggle, pain and hardness on my face. It was a lot, but there is better. Those who knew me then to now will tell you that I’m a far cry from the young woman they first met.

Years later I can laugh at how dramatic, naive and emotional I was, I’m grateful for that valuable lesson. It’s a contributing factor to who I am today, both good and bad.

My advice for healing? I can’t put it down to one thing, it’s a combination of things. I’ll list a few practices that helped me and still do (and I use this for all things):

  1. Don’t rush the process by acting as if it didn’t happen or that you don’t feel anything. You’ll do yourself a disservice by being in denial and it will only manifest in other areas of your life in a greater way including disease. It’s that deep. Give it the space to breathe and go through the motions, it’s the only way to come out on the other side. It’s perfectly okay to admit that you’re hurt.
  2. Do be proactive in your healing. Get around your loved ones, do the things you enjoy doing, find a worthy project to direct your energy towards, write down your feelings, or get help if you need to. The aforementioned will help immensely but it won’t exclude you from forgetting or feeling the pain, it’ll be very present. You could be in the midst of doing the most exciting thing and boom, your mind thinks of them and it throws you off, keep going. With each passing day, it’ll get better.
  3. Practice self-love. Unfortunately this isn’t something we’re often taught, but the best way I can describe it is to love yourself how you would want the love of your life to love you. For example, you would want them to speak to you kindly, to encourage you, to support your dreams and help make them a reality, to treat you to nice things, to have once in lifetime experiences, to show compassion, to see you as your best self…all of that and more, do for yourself.
  4. Invest in yourself.
  5. Whether you’re a person of faith or not, pray, meditate or journal.

We should do these things irrespective of a significant other but for some reason we find it difficult to be committed to another and ourselves simultaneously. If we learn how to do this we can never lose our way, at least not for long.

Some days won’t be great and other days you’ll feel the progress, during both keep pushing forward.

This journey is full of highs and lows, respect them and they will make you a better person.

Xo

How Does It Feel?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How Does It Feel?

The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now.

I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it.

I found myself in a little bit of a predicament where I was really struggling to let something go. I sat there and thought about it, ‘What really is the issue here? why can’t you just let go and move on?’ and then it dawned on me, it was the way they made me feel.

It had been quite a long time since I was stirred (ew don’t be a freak) and in all honesty I liked it and had difficulty detaching myself when it turned out to be a bad fit. Even with the things said and done, it wasn’t enough to easily cut loose, the feelings kept it afloat.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all endured a lot of crap from someone we shouldn’t, but because of how we felt about them or how they made us feel we quickly forgave their transgressions.

Isn’t that how a lot of relationships between people are formed, based on feelings which then become attachments? Some relationships are easy to sever and others not so much for this very reason. We’re blinded by their ability to make us feel good, alive or whatever the positive impact we feel they have and in short, it’s addictive.

It’s a powerful drug, as everything we do is about how we feel. Coincidentally, what we get back is often a response to that. And this isn’t strictly between people, it’s everything! Money, family, jobs, health, food… how we feel about these things govern how we treat them.

So the next time you’re having difficulty understanding what’s happening in your life, ask yourself,’how does it make me feel?’and you should soon discover the root and hopefully the solution to your dilemma.

Knowing this, is both a gift and a curse, use it wisely, as just as others have the power to affect you, you have the power to affect others.

Xo

I Just Want To Be Successful

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too.

Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can always do better and more. There has always been a new goal to work towards and I realise now that I could have achieved the most amazing thing and I’d never consider it good enough for that very reason.

I was in the shower when the thought came to me ‘I am a success’. I don’t know whose thought in the ether I picked up, but for some strange reason that statement permeated every part of me as the absolute truth. I AM a success.

All the ways I was/am a success came to mind, even the most unlikely of things like my job, which although doesn’t set my soul on fire, I have one. You think it’s easy maintaining a job with all its nuances that you don’t love, but still go to because it funds your real love? Sounds like a success to me- A shift in perspective.

It made me think, if I do not see myself as successful now with all the things I have done to date and who I am, what difference will it make when I achieve more and greater? When will that turning point come?

We too often qualify success on other people’s terms and find it difficult to see ourselves and all the things we have overcome and accomplished.

Give yourself some credit and spend a few minutes meditating on your achievements, especially the ones you overlook every day. You don’t need anyone but yourself to do that.

Start seeing yourself as a success now and watch you attract more of it because we attract what we are, not what we want to be.

Xo

The Finish Line

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

We all know the story of the Tortoise and Hare and if you don’t you can read about it here.

It’s almost impossible to ignore what people are doing, how they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with (ew get your mind out of the gutter). There are images and videos everywhere you turn! Suddenly, you start to feel inadequate and a small irritating voice says ‘why aren’t you doing better?, you should have been doing this by now, you’re such a flop, you’ll never make it if you’ve not made it by now, give up, you started out together but look at what s/he has done and you’re STILL struggling, just pack it all in’. Ugh, shoot me now.

So what do you do?

Focus.

The Tortoise is slow by nature and in this instance he was well aware of his capabilities. He didn’t try and be like the Hare because the way his body is set up it’d never cope. Could you imagine seeing him sprint with a heavy ass shell around his body, itty bitty chunky legs and a small head with beady eyes? Comical. Even if he managed it for some parts of the race, his whole body at some point will betray him. Instead, he ran his own race at his own pace and won.

Ultimately it was his focus on what he was doing and an awareness of his abilities that got him across the finish line to win. When the Tortoise didn’t see the Hare in the race, he didn’t suddenly decide ‘you know what let me just chill seeing as the Hare is sleeping, I have time’, he chose to continue on. Coincidentally it was the Hare’s lack of focus that made him lose.

The Hare overestimated his abilities and underestimated his opponents. Rather than give his attention to the task at hand which was to win the race, he was mocking what the Tortoise was doing and how he was doing it. It was at this point that he didn’t know he f**ked messed up.

‘But Irene I don’t know what to focus on?’ Well what’s in front of you? Focus on that. What opportunity is looking at you dead in your eye that you’re missing? Okay it might be heavily disguised and not quite look like what you expect but once you discover it, work on it anyway.

‘How?’  It’s not your business to spend time going over the how just DO. Do it whichever way you know and continue to do and do and do and do and before you know it you’re mastering the how and how not to, make sense? BUT, if you don’t make a move, it’ll never happen.

To sum this up, do your best at minding your business.

Xo

Are You Sure You Want This?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday night I say my prayers, set my intentions, I feel good and I go to sleep.

Before 8 am this morning, I had 2 unexpected things pop up with a promise to throw me off track.

I say to myself ‘It’ll be fine, I’ll handle it’.

I jump in the shower and as I scrub myself I suddenly remember one of the intentions I had set the night before: ‘I want to strengthen my mind (positively)…’. It dawns on me that those 2 “pop ups” were a part of my “mind strengthening training”. I laugh at the physical representations of it and mentally accept the challenge.

What is the challenge? Don’t lose my shit, maintain a good attitude and alter the way I do and respond to things to further develop my character.

Anyway, I have work to get to and I must be there for 9 am. One of the managers is up my crack and onto me and I’m never one to fall back from a challenge and I like to prove points, so like I said I must be on time.

I leave out and I’m doing okay for time. I arrive at the closest underground station to me and there’s 100’s of people at the top of the escalators. The Jubilee Line has a fault. Now if you know me, you know commuting is one of my least favourite things. I think I vocally complain about it at least once a week so this is not good and like I said I HAVE A POINT TO PROVE (wtf is the universe ignoring me?). We’re all hanging around waiting to be told that service will resume. It doesn’t. Instead they tell us the line has been suspended both ways. Feck.

By this point I am teetering on resorting back to my usual reaction to situations like this.  I can feel the urge coming up from my stomach  creeping up on me, but I utter no words for fear of undoing my efforts. I won’t go out like that. I plan another route to get to work.

Upon arriving at the alternative route, I walk down the stairs looking towards the platform to see if the train has arrived as it’s due now. I see the train is there, but it hasn’t quite pulled up to the full length of the platform yet. That’s odd. I overhear a bystander tell someone something about the train but I only caught bits of it, so I asked her what she had just said.

‘A person has jumped in front of the train’. What?! Okay, this is too much mental strength training for me in one morning. You mean to tell me a likely dead body is somewhere underneath this very train I am looking at? It deeply saddens me and my eyes well. Whoever they were, was in so much mental turmoil and pain that they couldn’t bear the thought of living another day. If you’ve ever been depressed or suicidal you know just how much of a battle it is.

I attempt to say a prayer for them ‘I hope they have peac…’. I don’t quite finish the sentence or really know what to say. Can a person who took their own life have peace in death? What about the afterlife? Is there really an afterlife? Too much to think about.  There goes my morale.

I eventually make it into work 2 hours and 50 minutes after I left my house, for what usually is a 1 hour journey door to door. Time: 10:50 am. Oh, have I mentioned I’m a contractor so every hour counts…fun.

Don’t get me wrong I know some of the above pales in comparison to things others have to deal with, but this is what’s mine.

I share of all of that to say this: Be aware of what you are asking for and what you want.

You usually hear be careful what you ask for, but I think it’s equally important to be aware of it, because whatever you want or ask for, you will be tested by it and if you are unable to recognise it when it comes, you’ll abuse and lose it.

Being aware puts you in a better position to readily succeed at, improve and appreciate the thing that you have asked for. It also helps to manage your expectations. For example, some women want husbands that are rich. Nothing wrong with that right? Except the reality of that might look like him working long hours, travelling the world, being available to his work responsibilities 24/7, missing important dates, forgetting important dates, and so on. Being wealthy usually comes with huge responsibilities and yes the payoff is nice but at what price?

You want to be a world class athlete? That’ll mean changing your diet, knowing every single ingredient in your food and its properties, being disciplined, limiting social outings, training every single day, and the list goes on.

Get my drift?

I wanted to reinforce my mind to be steadily positive and what I have been faced with are things to build more of a resistance to negativity or things not going as planned and because I am aware of this, I can effectively adjust to meet this need. Will I always do right? Um no. But I can always do better.

So, what have you asked for? Is it here? And how are you rising to the occasion?

Xo

For anyone who’s in need, please help yourself here.

In All Honesty…

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up.

I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having to be visible disrupts that. Schedules to me are a constriction and only further incite the rebel in me. But, as my mother would say, man cannot live by bread alone and in this instance I cannot be without discipline and consistency as those are the springboards to success.

My relationship with posting is shoddy to say the least. I go through many peaks and troughs with it that I can only imagine for you is meh. *Whispers* If truth be told it’s an absolute miracle that I have been “blogging” for nearly 4 years!

So here is what I am going to ask of you, hold me accountable. No man is an island and no matter who it is, everyone needs someone to encourage or in my case push them to act. On my part I will do my best to continue cultivating discipline and be more consistent.

If there is something in your life that you know needs to improve, put the energy into doing just that. You will have good days where the progress is evident and palpable, but know that there will also be ‘bad days’ where you will want to throw the towel, bucket and sponge in, don’t. I more than anyone understands how an obstacle can come along and give you a swift kick in the shin, but continue to practice. Practice being better than you were yesterday, practice encouraging yourself, practice being disciplined in the small things so you can handle with more ease the big things, practice doing things out of your comfort zone so you can do more things out of your comfort zone, whatever it is, practice and don’t give up!

Xo

P.s How are we in March already?!

 

The Signs

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dare I say it I am excited that it’s Monday and the start of a new week! Everything that happened last week is now in the past and we have new opportunities to make good on, so go forth and prosper!

The Signs 

Energy doesn’t lie, it can’t, it just is.

I, like a lot of people am big on energy. If their energy is off, there’s a high possibility that you’ll be off too.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been MIA because something else has held my attention. By something I mean someone. They held my attention in a way that it distracted me from the things I was supposed to do. I chose to allow their presence consume a lot of my energy and not in a good way.

During this period it became crystal clear to me how important it is to align yourself with people who encourage, support and want the best for you. If this is lacking in your relationships, run. I realised that I was dealing with someone who did not have the best intentions and although it was a difficult pill to swallow, it was absolutely necessary that I realised this now than later.

One person is enough to completely change the course of your life for the better or worse, so do not ignore the signs as they are always present and there to guide you onto a better path. Will it be pain free? No. In fact you’ll probably find it a struggle to detach yourself from them, but the pain you’ll experience from that is less than what you’ll experience in the long run if you continue to entertain and have this person influence your life.

Don’t know how to gauge if this person is right or not? Here are 5 questions to ask yourself:

  1. How do they regularly make you feel, uplifted or in low spirits?
  2. Are they helping you grow or making you stagnant?
  3. How have you changed since having them around, is it positive or negative?
  4. Do they care about your general wellbeing?
  5. Do they support your ambitions with love and careful consideration?

Asking those questions will paint a better picture of the quality of the relationships you have and if it’s not good, you’re one step closer to figuring out how to change that. The one thing you mustn’t do, is attempt to change them. It’s a futile exercise that no one has the power to do except the individual in question.

Your life is your responsibility and it’s up to you to filter out the people and things that do not cultivate the life you want to lead. Make it your business to protect your space.

Xo

The Dreams Free, Hustle Sold Separately

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I love dreaming, day dreaming to be exact. I can set the place, time, event, who’s there and make it as big and as wonderful as I want it to be. The best part is that you can do it anywhere and at any time.

You may feel elevated after the quick or not so quick fantasising session and then you’re reminded of the reality of your surroundings as it doesn’t quite match up to what you have envisioned.

Making that dream a reality requires an entirely different set of skills and irrespective of how easy someone makes it look, the truth is, it’s not. Blood, sweat and tears are a few things that go into bringing forth the things of your dreams. It inevitably will demand that you make sacrifices and some of them quite painful in order to attain what you desire.

Be under no illusion that things just work like magic because they often don’t. Let’s take a wonderful, healthy and flourishing relationship. You have two people from different backgrounds, upbringings, perspectives, behaviours and so on, coming together to build and nurture a relationship, does that sound like something that would just ‘work’? Absolutely not! There’s bound to be clashes, disagreements, tension, working together, laying aside your pride, apologising, compromising, selflessness, consideration, affection, effort, the list is endless of the things you will have to do to make your relationship wonderful, healthy and flourish. It’s no easy task and certainly will not feel magical; it’s work and lots of it.

So, as you go into this week, think about what it is you want and what you are prepared to give and also release to make it happen. Once you have a clearer picture, write down three things you will do to transmute your dream into your reality in the next week. And no, it won’t happen overnight, but over time you will start to see the evidence of your good work.

Dream big, but work even harder.

Xo

 

 

 

 

It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work.

There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and maintain it. Discipline is “the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations”.

Want a great relationship with your partner? You need discipline to do the work to make it great. What this might look like is developing your communication skills, learning when to speak and when to just let things go, lifting your partner up even when they’re driving you nuts and doing things you wouldn’t normally do but know they love-discipline.

Want a thriving career? You need discipline in order to consistently do the work required so that it thrives. This might mean delivering a high standard of service or work and you cannot do that without being disciplined.

Want your body to be the best it’s ever been? You need discipline to regularly go to the gym and maintain a good nutritional diet.

Saving money for a big purchase? You need discipline to stick to the plan that you’ve set up to buy it. This could mean learning to effectively manage your finances and denying yourself certain pleasures for the sake of reaching the goal- discipline.

One of the greatest of all time, THE Michael Jackson couldn’t grant us all of his musical genius without exercising a huge amount of discipline. He used it to write songs, record them, produce them, dance and to do every other amazing thing that we witnessed.

We’ve seen the effects that a lack discipline has on our lives and that of others, for example, unruly kids turn into delinquent teenagers and lazy adults. Not having discipline has the power to affect our lives in such a negative way that we’d be ignorant to not exercise it to draw into our lives the things we desire.

If you don’t have much discipline, practice and yes it is a learned behaviour for some, myself included. Don’t allow a lack of discipline be the reason you don’t prosper how you want to as that is most certainly in your hands.

Xo

SShhh Don’t Talk About It

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I just got back from a solo trip to Malta. If you have ever tried to organise a trip away with others you’ll know how incredibly frustrating it can be. After months of trying to get it together with others, I scrapped those efforts and said right I’m going alone! I didn’t tell anyone until it was all booked. It was exactly what I needed. It enhanced my confidence in myself, that I can do it alone and although it’d be nice to have a companion, I am certainly enough.

Want to do something? Do it. Don’t allow the perfect time, thing or person prevent you from making that move. I have learnt then when you go ahead, the people that are for you will come to you in due time. Whilst in Malta, a friend in London told me he used to live there and that he can put me in contact with a friend of his to take me out and that’s exactly what happened. Within a few hours I was out exploring their night life.

Another thing to do or not do in this case, is talk about it. We all know what it feels like to talk about something and it not materialise, it’s embarrassing. I’m now operating on a strictly need to know basis, not purely because of the embarrassment, but what it does is allow me to work in private without the influence of others that ‘don’t get it’. A lot of the time all talking about it does is waste energy that you really could be using to actually do it. If you have to talk about it, speak about it to people who have done it or are doing it. You have to constantly keep yourself in alignment with the thing that you’re doing. You cannot afford to speak to those who are on a completely different path, because believe it or not they have the power to derail you. Would an architect speak to yoga instructor about their project? No, unless it’s about how to practice mediation with exercise then Bobs your uncle. Now, that’s not to say they can’t provide great insights, it’s just a ground you have to tread VERY lightly-assess them by their fruits.

So, nurture your goals in private and diligently, protect your mind, get in alignment and surround yourself with people doing the work and watch your life change.

Xo

Food For Thought: The Grind

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am starting a new thing called ‘Food For Thought’ where once a week, I write a sentence or two for personal rumination. I do think less is more and rather than constantly bombard you with an essay every couple of days (I’ll still do this), I thought it’d be good to give a few words instead. Of course whatever is written is up for your interpretation but I do hope it resonates in some respect.

Here’s the first one:

You cannot put a little bit of effort in and expect a massive return. That my friend, is theft.

Xo

P.s This may very well be laziness, only time will tell, but above is my story and I am sticking to it.

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

S/He is “Goals”

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours.

Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be careful how closely we focus on them lest we fall deep down the rabbit hole. Sometimes we look at someone’s life and think they’ve got it made until you hear about their woes, suddenly your life doesn’t seem so bad.

Learn to value where you are and have faith in where you’re going. Everyone’s journey is different as are the blessings and obstacles. Don’t look at anyone else and believe they’re “goals”, be your own goals.

Want to know how to do that? Set weekly, monthly, yearly real and practical goals and smash the shit out of them. Honestly, it works. It builds confidence and sharpens your tools. It will turn the focus back to you and on improving the quality of your life. Trust me, there’s so much living to do and if you’re doing it right, you won’t have time to inspect what the other person is doing. Granted, you can learn from them, however never hold their life in higher esteem than yours, ever.

Have a great weekend! And see you next week 🙂

Xo

3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I planned to write on something completely different, but after a brief conversation with an old friend in which she sent me an article, I thought maybe this article would be useful to others like me.

The 3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis.

If you’re affected by one P, you’ll be affected by two and likely the third P too. Works like a pendulum going back and forth. If you do suffer from any of the above, then you understand how truly crippling this can be for your any area of your life.

Reading the article that I am about to share was like having a mirror to look into and you can only improve upon what you know. I hope it’s insightful.

“Do you set your standards high, but always feel like you’ve failed? Learn about the 3 “P’s” and end the vicious cycle that keeps you stuck and ineffective.

THE VICIOUS CYCLE

Perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis – one often leads to the next, in a vicious cycle, especially on large, long-term projects with no clear deadlines. Let’s look at each part of this cycle, and explore some concrete steps that you can take to disrupt the cycle.

PERFECTIONISM

Although most of my coaching clients don’t contact me until they are suffering from the second or third “P,” I will start with the first, one: perfectionism. This trait can be defined as striving towards impossibly high goals. The perfectionist is caught in a trap – he or she can never be good enough. Usually a perfectionist engages in a rigid, black or white kind of thinking about his own performance – if it isn’t perfect, it’s horrible.

I see perfectionism as existing on one end of a continuum. Up to a certain point, aiming high can help you become successful. Most academics who have made it to graduate school have set high standards for themselves and have met those high standards. There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself to attain excellence. It only becomes a problem when the goal is always set beyond your reach.

The Mediocre Perfectionist?

Ironically, the perfectionist often achieves a product that is far less than perfect. In contrast, those who aim at more realistic goals can outperform the perfectionist. How could that be? The procrastination and paralysis that result from overly high standards causes the perfectionist to wait until it’s too late, then rush to do something; anything. The more relaxed realist, in the meantime, is able to put an effort in earlier, over a more prolonged period of time, with more chance to let time and subsequent editing improve the final product…”

You can read the rest here

Xo

 

It’s None of My Business

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The title was inspired by Mr Hotspot on Instagram, I love this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO6FkK5i6AY

It took me a while to learn how to not be so concerned with what someone else thought of me and my life and in all honesty I am still learning.

A couple of current truths about me are that I’m a perfectionist and critical which sort of means the same thing. So with anything that I do, it’s usually well thought out. The flip side to this is that I can be incredibly self-conscious and pedantic about everything!

‘What will they say? Will they judge me? What if they don’t like it? What if no one cares? They are going to hate it’

Pause…Okay, what if all your worst nightmares happen? And? Then what?

If there’s something I’ve learnt about people is that whether you’re bloody amazing or not they’re going to talk about you. Period. The only way to avoid that is to do nothing and be nothing and who wants to live like that? No one. And even still, no matter what it is, someone will find value in what you do and who you are. Social media is proof of this. The amount of times I’ve come across something I thought was absolutely insane, someone else was loving it.

So if they’re going to talk about you anyway, why not do the thing that you love to do, that you’re proud of, that makes you happy, that gives you purpose, that adds value that way you can stand by what you have chosen to do with your life, rather than feel like a fool for changing who you are and what you were doing to please others who couldn’t care less and are insistent on bringing you down regardless.

It’s not your business to worry about what others say about you and your life but it IS your business to be concerned your life and how you live it for you.

Surround yourself with those that will support and edify you and also be sure to BE the person you want to have in your life (Like attracts like).

Last thing, if there is one thing to consistently do in 2018 is to live your bestest (yes I said bestest) life!

Xo

Photo by Whole Magazine

Make Room

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I have an iPhone and it feels like every few seconds it tells me ‘Storage almost full’. Seeing this message has become the absolute bane of my life. I then start the process of looking for things to delete in order to create space and what I usually find tends to surprise me. ‘How did this get there?, erm this is useless, I’d never use this again, I have no interest in that, ergh delete’ are the thoughts I have when doing this.

It’s amazing how quickly things take form and become staples in our lives without us even realising it.

It’s crucial that we declutter on a regular basis so that we can make room for the things we really want and need in our lives now. This could be physically in terms of our possessions or mentally in respect of the way we think that no longer serves us and has now unknowingly become a hindrance or the time we afford others, it could be anything. Unfortunately we don’t have a message that pops up to tell us when we’re reaching our capacity and need to offload, but there are other tell tale signs that we can use to our advantage.

Lighten your load by decluttering and make room for what you want.

Xo

A Single Mind

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You cannot have two masters, one will rule over the other. Ever tried to go left and right at the same time? It’s impossible.

It works the same if you are double minded. When working towards a goal, you cannot willingly accept alternative outcomes because the likelihood is you’ll end up with the least desired one.

Let’s say you want a brand new 2018 Mercedes Benz. You have this car in mind but then repeatedly say ‘Well if not a Mercedes, a Ford, Peugeot or Mini Cooper will do’. Can you see the confusion? You want a Mercedes but you’ve already considered various other options. By doing this you have done two things 1. You have already introduced failure and doubt into the equation by that line of thinking 2. It also means you won’t give all your efforts to getting the Mercedes because you have options and are comfortable with settling.

You must be clear and concise with what it is that you desire. Not being clear causes you to be stagnant, creates confusion, mediocrity and eventually frustration.

Focused and determined people are seldom unsuccessful.

If you are unsure of what it is you want or the goal, that’s completely fine. Simply set some time aside to write what’s in your head down on paper and begin to sift through what’s there until you’re more confident in what it is that you desire.

Being clear minded is not to be confused with not being open. To be open means to be flexible in how the thing comes to you not in what the thing is itself. Being clear minded is to know what you want. They work together.

Every accomplished person, knew what they wanted first. Get clear, your present and future depends on it.

Xo

To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

To find your peace, you must face your beast.

Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared for. As my friend and I will say, you have to unpack your load.

To unpack (by our definition) means to delve into discovering the root cause of your issues and facing it head on. Is it easy? No. Sometimes you discover it’s not what you thought it was about and other times it’s related to previous experiences that you never quite dealt with.

Someone did something recently that I took great offense to. It wasn’t just the low level of regard and respect that they showed, it was how their actions triggered insecurities. I now had to unpack and work through it otherwise it’d definitely affect my day to day but ultimately rob me of my peace of mind. This situation signaled to me that I still had some work to do on myself in that area and that I am not quite ‘there’ yet.

Too often when something threatens to upset our psyche, we go to our vice to quickly appease ourselves. We find a big enough distraction to shift our focus and attempt to diminish what is brewing. We’re too afraid to face what is looming ahead, so quick lets bury ourselves in something. The effects of doing this tend to last much longer than if we were to deal with the problem. For example, this terrible saying of ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one’. What you’re actually doing is adding onto your things to unpack.

Are we able to still move forward in life without dealing with the issue? Absolutely, it’s called denial and suppression. The thing with doing that however is that it can show up in other areas of your life in the most obscure way. It’s not always detectable but it’s always there.

With most things, you have to actively work for it and peace is no different. Whether you meditate on it or take action, it will require you to make the efforts to help yourself.

So do yourself a favour, the next time something threatens your stability, don’t shy away from it, take some time out to figure out what it is telling you about yourself and work on and through it.

It won’t happen over night but it will happen over time.

Peace xo

“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you.

At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push yourself, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t change your habits, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t commit to anything, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t alter your thinking, but somehow it’ll be different. Do you and I a favour and stop being deceitful.

The reality is, changing and improving the quality of your life is A LOT of hard consistent work and the results of it may not materialise until months and years later, so the question is, how bad do you want it and can you go the distance?

The unrealistic expectations that we sometimes hold of ourselves cause us to repeatedly fall short of our goals (myself included). We have it in our minds that it’ll be easy to accomplish and when faced the actuality of it, opt out and resign to a life of mediocrity.

With anything worth having, you will have to put the work in, not only in attaining it but to maintain it also. Whether it’s money, career, relationships, family, if it is to be successful, you will have to constantly work for/at it.

What does the work look like in real life? Time, effort, patience, sacrifice, discipline, self-control, consistency, commitment, developing, sweat, tears, failure, restarting, stress, balance, challenge, criticism, the list is endless. And yes, looking at that list it’s very easy to see why anyone would say ‘It’s not for me bro’, but if you want it, it’s a package deal- You can’t pick and choose the bits you want.

In my experience, when trying to change anything, the idea is to focus your energy on one thing. Full focus and attention on one thing is bound to produce greater results at a rapid rate than giving your divided attention to many things. The latter is also a sure fire way to not only be ineffective but stagnant. You will feel like you’re working but the reality is you’re working on too many of the wrong things at the same time and going nowhere fast.

Now I’m not advocating that you abandon everything else, simply that you devote most of your efforts to accomplishing one thing before diversifying. Become skilled at one thing and that will give you the necessary tools to increase your success rate in other areas of your life. Continue as you are? Well you already know what that looks like.

Xo

‘If It Doesn’t Challenge You, It Won’t Change You’

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d be the first to say I like an easy life. Stress and drama are not my kindred and so far as is possible I avoid it, but sometimes you simply can’t, sometimes its necessary.

I saw the above title on Instagram yesterday and all the ways this statement applies came flooding through my mind; the gym, my career, my relationships.

When hardship comes, we often look for the quickest way to stop it, instead of looking at how this can shape us to be better. We don’t want to struggle or to feel pain, but truth be told whether we like it or not it’ll come, the real test is in how we deal with it.

The challenges that come our way are an opportunity to become better and refine our character, however this will not be possible if every time something threatens our comfort we run or shut down.

Challenge is an integral part of anyone’s development, learn to embrace it and make it work for you not against you. When next it crosses your path, refuse to run or shut down, ask yourself ‘How can this make me better?’

Xo

Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Part 1

“Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car. 

She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over her. 

Jamal’s head snapped back to see his girlfriend staring at him in utter disbelief. “It’s not what it looks like” Jamal stuttered. Emmy didn’t respond. “Let’s go” she said calmly. 

Not another word was said and they left.

Chelle had by this point sat upright with her knees close to her chest and her arms in a tight embrace around them. She was not going to move or make a sound. She wished the wooden flooring would open up and swallow her whole, but when has your deepest desire ever come true when you needed it the most. 

She was still there, live in the flesh, watching the entire scene unfold before her eyes like a showreel except she was the lead character living out her worst moment.

Chelle wasn’t sure what would have been worse, the two words said or Emmy going into a rage and beating the absolute crap out of her. It’s like when you’ve done something bad and your parents sit you down and say “I’m disappointed”. Those two words have the power to shift worlds and make any person rethink their entire existence. You’d much rather they scold you, that way they can feel guilty in the end, but no, they won’t give you the power. That’s how this moment felt to Chelle.

She sat there with her back against the steel cold leg of the God forsaken island and sobbed. Her body shook with the memories of all the things that went wrong over the past three years. She cried for her short comings and failures. She wept for her loneliness.

Two beeps were heard from her phone. With a wet nose and hot tears streaming down her face, she crawled over to where it was, hoping it was a message from God saving her from her current plight. It wasn’t. The message read “Be out by Sunday”. 

Murphy’s law was in full effect and Chelle could do nothing but wail herself to sleep. 

The sunlight coming through a gap of the closed curtains woke Chelle up. She stirred but didn’t move a limb. It was two hours later before she moved her body and slowly gathered her bearings. It was at that moment that she realised the mahogany stained floor had been her pillow and bed for the night. As she began to wonder how she ended up there, the events from last night came flooding back. She considered laying back down but the discomfort and aches in her body influenced her otherwise. 

With nothing left to give she walked towards her room. It seemed so foreign to her like she was seeing it for the first time and in some ways she was. She’d outgrown this space. This way of living and feeling hurt too much and she was spent.

Maybe this would be a great opportunity for change. She could have a do over and leave everything behind. She never did belong here, this was a poor attempt to live a life that she knew deep down wasn’t for her.

She picked up her laptop, typed in what she was looking for, done. 

Taking only a few treasured items and passport, she left. Chelle would return home.

Xo

This is 30!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting.

At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could go wrong, all went wrong at one time’. I couldn’t catch a break. For every disappointment, I steamrolled my way forward, refusing to stop, just dusting myself off and keeping it pushing. Of course there is only so long you can continue on that path until it all falls down, and that came the day before my birthday, a few hours before my dinner party. My emotions boiled over and momentarily a dam broke. Fortunately, I didn’t have the capacity to wallow in it because I had a dinner to be at, and not just any dinner at that, MY 30th birthday dinner.

The dinner was amazing! I am so fortunate to have had great people to help organise, plan and oversee the proceedings of the day as I could not have done it without them. It’s a huge blessing to also have friends and family that would show up and I’m incredibly grateful.

IMG_3041IMG_3072

IMG_3075

What do I think so far about being 30? It’s been 3.5 days and its too soon to have a fully formed answer to this, but so far, it feels like a coming into something new. I have renewed energy to appreciate the things that I have and to make even better what I have been given. Ironically,  I also feel like the baby of the next decade (lol) which is great and I don’t feel so “old”.

I’m excited about what’s next and looking forward to the year ahead. I want to be able to say this time next year “What a difference a year makes” in the most wonderful way.

What do you want to say this time next year?

Xo

 

 

 

20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich you
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline. Otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo

The Year of Realisations

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase.

A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to anything (usually funny stuff) that takes her by surprise. I have a similar use for that phrase except the surprises are a bit more painful than funny.

I have recently had to question and re-evaluate some of the friendships that I have and it hurts to know that perception isn’t always reality.

The realisation that the esteem I held people in isn’t mutual is a hard pill to swallow. What concerns me more is having to look at myself and ask how did I get it so wrong? Why did I give of myself in a way that would yield such little return or regard?

I share this purely to show that irrespective of who anyone is, everyone deals with similar things.

How will I go forward with this new ‘enlightenment?’ Time and wise counsel from God. The one thing I do not want to do is harden my heart and become bitter, because let’s be real that will do more damage to me than it’ll ever do to them.

Relationships of any kind are hard work and require consistent reciprocal effort, compromise and compassion. If these are missing then it’s time to release the noose from around your neck and free yourself.

You cannot be of service from an empty space, you have to be full and part of that comes through your relationships with others.

Remember this, if there’s no love in it, leave it.

…In other news this is how I’m trying to be for the rest of the week:


LIT!

Xo

P.s I’ll be back to normal asap.

Turning 30: 20 Things to Know in Your 20’s

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Can I scream? Am I allowed? I feel like I need to or rather I am going to.

This week has been, how do I put it nicely, challenging. I don’t know whether it is because I am turning 30 in exactly a week or there is something in the water but whatever it is, I need it to hurry up and go away.

In light of this pending new age, I thought it’d be good to do a list of the 20 things to know in your 20’s of what I have learnt, loved and lost.

As someone who is nearing the end of their 20’s you can only imagine the level of anxiety that I and many others like me are experiencing. By my culture and this societies standards,  I needed to have been married, had a baby, bought a home, a thriving career and lots of money in the bank. Ha! Almost none of those have happened.

So here are the first five things I have learnt about my 20’s:

  1. Use your youth. If you can work, work, if you can create, create. Use the energy that you have now as over time you may not have the same intensity. Think Mark Zuckerberg, Evan Spiegel, and Jessica Matthew, to name a few
  2. Look after your credit so it can look after you.
  3. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Form friendships of value. In any relationship it is a give and take
  4. Have wild ambitions but set realistic goals towards achieving them. Don’t say you want to be a best-selling author by the end of the month yet you haven’t begun your story. Make the steps towards achieving your goals practical and achievable and over a period of time, you will accomplish it.
  5. If you have an idea, build on it now. There’s absolutely no such thing as the perfect time. Will you fall flat on your face? Most likely. But what you will learn will be invaluable to your growth and development.

Growing into adulthood isn’t easy and as with anything there’ll be highs and lows, you just have to learn how to roll with it.

img_2993

I’m smiling inside, I promise.

See you tomorrow!

XO

P.s I am accepting virtual gifts next week 🙂

 

 

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff.

I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up.

I am kicking myself because I am so sure that I shouldn’t be in this position. I should have known it wasn’t a great idea, I should have left when I was supposed to, I should not have committed even just a little bit if I knew that I would not go the distance, I should have had the foresight to see what could go wrong, and the rhetoric goes on and on and on.

Needless to say, that particular dialogue is unhelpful, in fact it’s rather useless. I have two options; continue with that line of thought or be pragmatic about it. I, although challenging to do, have chosen the latter.

When things don’t go as expected, it’s very easy to wallow and sing woe is me, however it’s much more work to will yourself to see the upside and press forward.

In evolving forward, a good place to start is by taking responsibility for the part you have played. Think about what you did, what effects did it have? Was it positive or negative? What are the ramifications?  Get a full picture of what has taken place. You see, the mess isn’t necessarily created in that instant, it’s usually prepped and primed beforehand, meaning there are things we have done that contributed to what we now experience.

But, let’s be honest, we’re all winging this thing called life. We’re figuring it out as we go along, making mistakes, failing, falling, and everything else in between, yet those are the very things that can propel us forward to something even better. A chance to grow and be great is, irrespective of our circumstances, a blessing.

Embrace the things that cause you to question yourself and re-evaluate your choices as that will lead you (should you choose) to something worthwhile.

Okay, I’m going now, I have some figuring out to do but I’ll be back soon enough. Until then, *sings* goodbye my lover, I mean have a super sexy week ahead! Yes I said super sexy 🙂

Xo

Finishing Strong

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what’ve achieved and what we haven’t.

We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2018’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2018 be any different if you’re not doing anything different? You still think the same, speak the same, act the same, have the same conversations, do the same things and somehow it’ll be…different?

I want you to remember that 2017 isn’t over yet and there is so much we can still do in creating the life we want to live.

Now I don’t have all the answers but I do know a little something that might help. I learnt something recently from my mentor that has helped shape what I do now and it’s this; the work is your habits.

What do your habits say about you and your life? The state of your life is in direct correlation to the habits you have nurtured and practice on a daily basis. For example, if you work out regularly, it’s likely to be evident in your fitness, physique and mentality. Like the saying goes the proof is the pudding.

After a long day at work, like most I just want to plop onto my bed. I don’t want to do any ‘house stuff’ least especially laundry. The clothes are on my bed and I gear up to swiftly push them to the side and curl up on my bed but I pause. What does this act do for me? 1) Fosters laziness and procrastination 2) Increases workload 3) Messy space, messy life 4) Lack of clarity…you see, that ‘little thing’ isn’t worth all that comes with it, so in most cases, I’ll sort it there and then. Everything you do, is mapping out your life.

So, as you go about your daily activities today think about this, what is what I’m about to do say about me and my life? And if you find that the answer is negative, there is your starting point for you to do something about it.

Check your habits and if you don’t like the results it produces, change your habits.

Xo

Somebody’s Watching

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’.

You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger.

Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were caught in the act. The act of admiring you from afar, wondering what you’re like as a person, if you have any quirks or nuances that they can pick up on, how you think, what you’re doing and so on.

Figuratively speaking there is always someone watching especially in this social media age where people can have access to you 24/7. Needless to say we have become obsessed with paying acute attention to other people’s lives, but, that isn’t always a bad thing and here’s why. People have the opportunity to learn, grow and be inspired by you, your life and your work.

I say all of that to say this; do not think for a second that what you have to offer to the world is not necessary, irrespective of how small or big it might be, somebody needs it. You have birthed those aspirations, dreams and visions for a reason and in most cases it’s not just for you.

Someone you don’t know needs what you have to offer the world. Someone you don’t know values who you are. Someone you don’t know believes you’re necessary. Someone you don’t know is rooting for you and your success. However, none of this can happen if you choose to keep who you are to yourself.

Now this isn’t a call for you to immediately put your life on full blast for everyone to see, simply an encouragement to stay committed to whatever you believe your purpose is. One of mine is this here blog. I have considered shutting this site down a trillion times, but my gut feeling won’t let me. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter whether or not there are hundreds of readers, just do the work. Whatever happens once I press publish is not my business (I mean it is but you know what I mean), I have done what I am suppose to do and until I feel led otherwise, that is what I’ll continue to do.

And yes, sometimes the things you do on the surface won’t make sense or you might feel that it is not valuable, however if you are certain that this is what you’re meant to do then it’ll work out either now or later. Learn to trust the timing of your life as it is never late or wrong, it’s just right for you.

IMG_2890 My nephew and I.

…And keep up the good work xo

P.s I hope your week ahead is full of sparkle, miracles and constant good news!

The Ugliness of it All

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Like Giggs infamous lyrics say ‘It will get bloody, it will get gory’, such is the premise of progression, success and greatness.

I had a ‘moment’ yesterday where I felt like the aspirations and plans I had for my life weren’t happening nor had they come to pass.

I silenced everything and connected with that feeling. I allowed whatever emotion that came to me to flow, which in this case was tears. And I’m not a crier or I should say I don’t like crying.

After talking and meditating, clarity came; things will get ugly before it becomes beautiful.

You ever look at something or someone and think this came together like magic? Well it wasn’t magic, unless magic is effort, hard work, smart work, patience, dedication, consistency, passion, failure, tears, sweat, perseverance, losing, ungratefulness, unappreciation, stress, doubt, producing rubbish, then I suppose it is, but nothing great ever just happens.

A house didn’t always look like a house

A car didn’t always look like a car

Serena Williams wasn’t always THE Serena Williams

Everything had a small beginning, a messy middle and a refined end…and then repeat.

The difference between those that succeed and those that don’t, is tenacity. Successful people do not give up, they grow through it .

So, the question is, do you want to be successful or nah? If so, then expect that sometimes there’ll be confusion, wins, self-doubt, high points, losses, success and so on, it’s part and parcel.

SW2

Don’t let the ugliness of it all deter you from believing and working towards better.

Xo

P.s I haven’t forgotten about the challenge, I did one of mine, did you?

 

One Person Can

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

A new opportunity has arisen for me and I subsequently began to think about the possibilities of what I’ll be able to do, change and improve upon. The excitement of it all boiled over. And then one thought stopped me in my tracks, “I’m one person, can I really make the difference I envision making?”. I immediately felt a sense of dejection.

“How can I, one small person make an impact? I am inexperienced and who’ll take me seriously anyway?…”. I fortunately wasn’t granted the liberty of continuing on that downward spiral because I was reminded of all the amazing things we get to enjoy and learn from in our society that was brought about by ONE person making the decision to be the change they wanted to see.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is one of the people I admire. Her books, intellect and being her unapologetic self, are a few things that both inspire and teach me…but what if? What if she decided that her voice wasn’t worth being heard? What if she decided that Purple Hibiscus is a pile of crap and dumped it in the bin? What if she never picked up a pen? I shudder.

Chimamanda

So this is for me as it is for you, don’t allow your current circumstances, inexperience or insecurities deprive you of believing that you are necessary and what you have to offer is valuable. Hold on to that little voice telling you can, because you can.

Xo

P.s How’s your challenge going?

 

New Week: Press Reset

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Who taught you to stop believing?

Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me off to the head doctor.

I spent so much of my childhood especially being the only child for almost 10 years (and at that point you’re still an only child because of the age gap), living in my imagination. I would conjure up stories, desires and situations which made my young life that much richer. Life, however, has other plans and slowly all the negative things get the better of us and we soon forget how to manifest and live more.  But I want to get back there, living as a child does, with no doubts, little fear and great ambition.

I asked myself this question, ‘how do we not become bogged down with the negative things that have happened, to cause us to believe less?’ The answer I received is this, learn and let go.

Think about it, a lot of children when they hurt themselves or don’t succeed at doing something, they get right back up and do it again. A child learning to walk after falling down a few times doesn’t suddenly say ‘yeah this walking stuff isn’t for me’, they carry on trying until they get it. The recollection of how badly it went wrong the first time is but a distance memory to them; they learn and they move on.

steps

One of the ways we can implement this ability is by following this principle by the good book, where it says but transformed by the renewing of your mind. One interpretation of this that you have to constantly, daily even, press reset.

With this in mind, I have decided to push myself beyond my self-inflicted limitations and I would love for you to join me.

Pick one thing that you have found to be a challenge to accomplish. It could be going to the gym 4 times a week, finishing off a proposal, having that business meeting, registering your company, making that dreaded phone call to a family member that you have not spoken to in years, buying a house, it could be absolutely anything. Decide that by the end of the week (19.11.17), you would have either done it or are one step closer to doing it. The one step does have has to be a huge step (no pressure 🙂 ).

My challenge has dragged on for many years, but I am determined to pull my finger out! I’ll definitely share mine next Monday, eek!

In the water

I’ll leave with this which I wholly believe in, it is always better to have tried something than to not have tried at all. You learn so much quicker when you do than when you don’t.

See you on the flipside!

Xo

The Single Life

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Navigating through life certainly has its ups and downs and I am starting to think that with some things there is no right or wrong, only better.

In keeping with the theme of other posts this week, I thought I’d share 2 things single (and non-single) people should do before entering or considering a relationship.

Now before you give me the side-eye about this, yes I am single, however I’ve had a fair bit of experience to know what has worked and not worked for me. We know by now that desperation doesn’t work and is at the top of the ‘Do not do’ list.

There’s no point in entering into an unhealthy and unedifying relationship for the sake of not being alone or keeping up with the status quo. When we get into one, although it might be challenging, we want it to match our fly and be everything we’ve ever imagined it could be. To get this we have to be right ourselves.

So, let’s get into this list.

  1. Know thy self. What knowing yourself does is set the standards you have for your life. It means you’d know bullshit when you see it, you’d know when something is right for you and when it’s not and you will not compromise on what it is you want just because it seems like it’s not happening yet. In other words, knowing yourself is knowing your power and because of this you are intentional in creating the world and life you want to live. Knowing yourself builds confidence in how and what you do with your life, for example, if someone comes along and says you’ll never amount to anything, you’d be able to laugh at them as you know who you are, what you’re capable of and they do not determine what that looks like, you do. You can also see your ex’s recent engagement and not be moved by it, because you know what is for you is for you. Getting to this level of surety does require a large amount of introspection and a lot of work, it’s definitely not an overnight stint. When you don’t know yourself, you’ll easily accept anything and everything that comes your way, when you do, you won’t- Don’t play yourself.

 

  1. Work on yourself. Focus on the things that you know has been harmful to you or that can be improved upon. For a while I had it in my head that I’d always be alone or that I’m the black sheep. The reason this became a belief system is because I was constantly questioned as to why I am single and made to feel (or should I say I allowed them to) like there was something wrong with me. I soon accepted it as gospel. I have since spent time changing the rhetoric that I have repeated to myself for years and replaced it with one that believes in myself more and trusts my intuition. What if you don’t know what needs to be worked on? Here’s one hint, stop ignoring the little voice telling you there is something wrong here, as I often say to my friend ‘unpack’ it, meaning examine/learn the root cause. Whatever your beliefs are will be mirrored in your life, nothing is by mistake, we are all creators after all…let that marinate.

Doing these two things alone is sure to bring you much more of what you want. Okay granted, its not that simple or straightforward but simply becoming more aware of yourself is a great start in itself and things will evolve as time passes.

The journey is worth it.

Xo

Cuffing Season

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Winter is here! And cuffing season is upon us. The struggle to find a bae is real. 

For those of you that don’t know what cuffing season is, by my definition it’s the autumn/winter period where due to the drastic change in weather, people find themselves a partner. It may be for the purpose of cuddling, having someone to go home to, Netflix and Chill, Christmas and all the other reasons to have a significant other. After all no one really wants to be alone especially during the festive period.

What makes C-Season particularly different is the urgency increases and the standards decrease and my thought is this: don’t let desperation take you where your backside(ass) isn’t supposed to be. 

One more time for those of you at the back.

Don’t 

Let

Desperation 

Take 

You 

Where

Your 

Backside(ass)

Isn’t 

Supposed 

To 

Be. 

And this is for all times and all things.

Let me tell you about this one time I found myself in a predicament I had no business being in. 

This time last year I was a mess! I literally hopscotched from one crappy ‘relationship’ to another shitty ‘relationship’ and why? Because my backside(ass) was, dare I admit it, desperate to change my status with a quickness. I was tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship and stupidly entertained another one that had the ‘appearance’ of being a good one. I was so wrong! And life taught me an invaluable lesson to mind my mother******* business. Fortunately for me, I was only bruised and not broken.

Things will transpire organically, there is never a need to manipulate or force life to happen for you the way you want it because 1) It’s likely to be more detrimental for you and 2) Because of number 1. 

Don’t allow society or the people around you, pressurise you into making a decision with potentially permanent effects based on a temporary feeling. Do focus on having fun and living your best life.

As always there is a time to sow and a time to harvest, just like seasons change so do circumstances.

Xo

Would You Date You?

Featured

Tags

, , , , ,

Would you date you? Be honest.

Not your typical Monday spiel but I think it’s worth thinking about it.

Whether you’re single, dating or in a relationship, every status is a minefield that needs to be broached with care and lots of thought. But, let’s talk about a significant other.

A lot of people often have long lists of wants and expectations that they themselves have no intention of meeting, do not meet and probably wouldn’t recognise even if it were right in front of them. So the question is, is it then okay to make these demands of others when you fall short yourself?

I do believe that the people in your life are a reflection of what you intrinsically believe about yourself and how you think. This of course will inform your decision on what you do and how you act. Ultimately it means that you attract what you are. So…I say this next bit with love, would the people you want to have in your life want you too? Again, be honest.

Yes, we are all wonderful in our own way, however, there is always always room for improvement.

Have a think about the question above and if you decide that yes there are things you can do to be better, start doing the work. Rome wasn’t built in a day so don’t expect the improvements to happen overnight, but with time, effort and consistency, it will begin to manifest.

Become the person you would want to have around you.

Xo

P.s I’m going to be back this week. I know I know, I say this all the time don’t I? and suddenly disappear, I am working on it, honest 🙂

Who’s Whispering In Your Ear?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , ,

Who’s whispering in your ear?

Do the people around you validate your fears? Do they exacerbate an already bad situation with their opinions and presence? Do they tell you about all the terrible ways they have dealt with things and encourage you to do the same? Do they knock your dreams? If so, drop them, now!

I am very very mindful about who I confide in concerning the matters of my life. One of the things I recommend not doing, is going around telling any and everyone who would listen about your problems or aspirations and here’s why:

When you speak to people who do not see the bigger picture, who are perpetually negative, who do not aspire to do or be better, whose life’s a constant mess, you’ll end up in the same position that you’ve always been in or worse still in the position they have always been. Their words and actions are infectious, make no mistake about it.

You need people in your life that will challenge your behaviour and thoughts, who will correct you when you’re wrong, who will give you a different perspective on things, who are actively in pursuit of manifesting their dreams and who have accomplished many and great things in their lives. You DO NOT want to speak to those who have achieved nothing great or positive, have given up on their dreams, who are constant complainers and always have something negative to say. You might not know it but the words and things you hear and see are shaping the world around you every single day. They are more influential than you think as whatever goes into your ears and eyes feeds you.

A couple of times a month or more I drive through the area I want to live in because I have to be reminded of my goals and what’s possible. If there is nothing around you that reiterates what you want in your life, you have to go there physically. Take yourself there through what you listen to, who you speak to, where you go, what you do and lastly through your imagination. And you always have your imagination. 

…Psst, let me whisper something in your ear, come closer, a bit more, perfect, go be great.

whisper

Xo

 

Sixth Sense

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I knew spilling my guts on here would help me out. Phew!

It’s like having a good old cry and suddenly having clarity afterwards, or when you’re having a bad day and opt to just sleep it off and you wake up feeling better. That’s what writing out my jargon on here did for me, so thank you.

Letting it flow will always produce much better results that forcing it to go. 

One of the things I heavily rely to do this, is my intuition and its especially handy with my writing. I go with what I sense rather than what I think.

You might not believe it, but you actually know what’s good for you, you simply don’t trust yourself enough to go with it.

So before you rest your eyes tonight, take a little bit of time to figure out the answers to the following:

  1. What you are feeling?
  2. Why you are feeling it?
  3. What’s taking place?
  4. Where you are heading next?

Sounds like a lot, but you can very quickly figure things out if you really focus on getting answers. Use your sixth sense (everyone has it, you just have to listen) to guide you to a better life.

Life has its own ebb and flow that if you pay real close attention to, will serve you well. Go against it and you’ll be fighting the change you actually want for much longer and a whole lot harder.

Even if its not clear to you now, it will be over time, flow with it.

Trust it, trust yourself.

Goodnight xo

Major Key Alert

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I am constantly reminded that a major key to success is consistency. Even when you get the thing you have worked for, you have to maintain it and maintaining it requires consistent action.  Relationships, money, career, health, home, everything needs to be maintained and in some cases improved upon by consistent effort. It will be near impossible to sustain something if the energy you devote to it is every once in while.

10% effort means 10% results, in fact that’s a lie, what you will most likely get is less than 10% results.  Your output has to be greater than what you want. So if you want 100% results then you must put in 130% (not an accurate figure) consistently and this applies to absolutely everything, especially when you are just starting out.

Now, I have to be honest or I should say realistic, it may take months, years even before you start to see the fruits of your labour and you have to be okay with that. You will sometimes feel like giving up but you owe it to yourself to see things through. Trust me, those steps that you take repeatedly that feel and look like nothing to you, will one day materialise into something worthwhile.

No one who has attained great success in anything did it once. Your fav spent YEARS investing in themselves for you to see them as they are, so hold tight, keep working and when the time is ripe, it will happen.

W(ait)ork for it.

Xo

P.s This post is more for me than it is for you. I have work to do…ugh.

In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide a certain quality of life the more you have of it. At least that is the belief.

I like to learn from others and I spend a lot of time studying people so as to not make the same mistakes they’ve made or better still to emulate their successes.

Amongst the people I have paid close attention to, some of which are extremely accomplished, there seems to be a reoccurring theme that they all speak of. Their successes are not an immediate solution to unhappiness. It is not a master key and it certainly doesn’t unlock a lifetime’s supply continuous joy and contentment.

Just so you get the gist of what I am talking about, please have a watch of this video before you read on https://www.youtube.com com /watch?v=zYDKCx4hSQQ.

We think reaching our goals will bring us everything we have ever wanted (not so, as there’ll be the next thing to obtain), but in all honesty it may just provide temporary satisfaction because our happiness isn’t supposed to be incumbent on the things we acquire or even upon people. It is and always has been an inside job.

Now by no means am I advocating that you give up on your dreams and settle for whatever comes your way, what I am imploring however is a need to check in with yourself and evaluate your life. Be a free thinker, decide what is best for you void of external factors and stimulants and choose to BE happy.

The video below, sums up a few of my thoughts on happiness and achieving it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDQRYbINeNM . I hope it enlightens you.

…And whatever you do, have a wonderful time doing it!

Xo

Have You Done It Yet?

Featured

Tags

, , , , ,

A couple of days ago, my mind wondered back to being a child and what made things so much simpler.

I thought about all the things I had achieved then both great and small and one thing that I remember not doing is thinking. I just did.

I didn’t think about whether or not I’ll be good at cartwheels, I just did it until I was.

I didn’t think about whether or not I was a good reader, my hand shot up when asked for a volunteer and over time I got better.

I didn’t think about if I’d be good at 100m, I just ran on the tracks until I was faster.

I didn’t think I was stupid, I just applied myself until I improved.

As children (preteens, because teenagers are hormonal aka crazy) we didn’t sit there and ruminate over all the things that could go wrong like we do now. We spent more time doing things, getting it wrong and doing it again until we got it right or became better.

Which brings me to my point, many of us cancel on a dream without having attempted it. Did you hear me? Without having attempted it.

One more time for effect…

Without

Having

Attempted

It!

Do you know how crazy that is? You haven’t tried it, but you have convinced yourself it won’t work. Maybe in your case it’s that you are doing ‘things’ but the truth is you don’t really believe it will happen so you half arse it.

You miss 100% of shots that you don’t take and you can’t half arse anything!

And yes I’m absolutely guilty of this.

We need to revert back to that childlike attitude or better still evolve into mind-set that removes limitations.

So before you go cancelling on your dreams that you’ve not even worked on yet or doubting them, do it and keep doing it again and again and again and again.

The success I have experienced didn’t magically appear, it came from taking repeated action. I had to do the work, there’s absolutely no other way around it than to do it.

Humour me, the next thing your mind thinks of doing, use the immediate 5 minutes that follows to put something into action. Its harder to stop something you have already started…right?

Xo

They Don’t Support Me

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

First off, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever read, commented, shared, messaged me about my posts, I don’t think I have ever really shown gratitude but I am truly grateful!

I just came across a post of someone laminating about having fake friends, the lack of support and how much they do for others but it’s not reciprocated blah blah blah. Sorry, that’s life. We’re all guilty.

My flesh and blood till date still don’t get the name of blog/company right never mind having read any of my 100+ posts and likewise I am sure there are bunch of things I don’t show my family enough gratitude for.

We don’t always get an equal return on our investment. Could you ever come close to repaying back your mother? I think not.

It’s not your business to pay attention to those that are not interested, your duty is to pay attention to those that ARE vested in you.

For whatever reason we have been wired to focus on all the negatives. We shouldn’t, especially when we are inundated with so many positives.

So what one person didn’t show up to your birthday? There were 10 others that did. Only 5 people liked your blog post, that’s 5 more people than 0. You missed your bus to get to work, at least you have a job to go to, someone else is searching for one as we speak and has bills coming out of their crack and no immediate means to take care of them. You missed an audition, okay are there not others? No matter the circumstance, there are positives, you just have to look for them and FOCUS on that instead.

Would you believe I had a car accident over the weekend worse than the one I had a few weeks ago. Yes you read right a few weeks ago. Talk about a tough break. Was I out of sorts for a couple of days? Sure I was. But guess what? I am alive as is the other driver. It could have been so different, my last blog post could have been the last one forever.

Whatever you focus on EXPANDS. You zone in on the negatives, surprise surprise more negative things come your way. Do the opposite and the same will follow suit.

Take your mind off the things that didn’t work, the people that do not support you, the plans that failed to launch, and look for the positives in all situations.

Love on those that love on you. Show gratitude to those that are there for you and do support you . Appreciate the things you do have and you’ll see that there will be more of these things.

Shift your focus, life is much better that way.

Xo

Say No to Yes People

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I was rereading my last post and thinking about the kind of people I have around me.  Although I love them dearly, I noticed that there are some that will feed into my plight rather than snap me out of it and that is dangerous.

For example, you’ve had a bad day and you call your friend to moan. What then followed were exchanges of experiences and a reinforcement of how ‘right’ you are to feel crap. When you get off the call, do you feel better? Typically no and if you do, it’s likely to be temporary.

Sure, there are times that you just need to vent and get things off your chest but whoever you go to must be someone of sound reasoning and mind.

Say no to people who unfailingly reaffirm your shitty feelings, to people who are not able to gently correct you, to people who mollycoddle you into believing you’re always right, to people who agree with everything you say, to people who do not have a healthy positive outlook on life. Those people have a greater influence on your life than you know and faith comes by hearing, so the more you hear the wrong type of things, the more you believe in it, make sense?

To put it simply, in times of stress and frustration, do not go to the constantly stressed and frustrated.

Xo

P.s Have a great week ahead!

Don’t Sleep on Yourself

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was looking through Instagram as you do and I came across the fabulous shoe designer Monika Chaing. After browsing through a few of her pictures, I was transported back to 2010 when I had aspirations of creating a shoe line that would represent all the different sides of me-I love shoes!

That same year I was at a club with Jon B (yes the Jon B) and he commented on how he loved my shoes and that his wife would love them too.  A tiny piece of me died inside, talk about missed opportunity. The shoes I was wearing at the time were not my own design, there were a pair of Kurt Geiger shoes, but just imagine if they were? Ugh.

Thing is I had been working on the shoe line but was yet to have a product in my hand. I thought to myself if only I had a little bit more time I could have passed on my details and the rest would have been history.

Needless to say that over time I became weary and stopped trying.

Looking through Monika Chaing’s feed reminded me of that and all the other ideas (there have been many) that I had started, made progress on and then shortly gave up on. Where would they have been now if I persisted? What could I have created within the last 10 years if I had stuck through all the obstacles that I would have faced? I don’t even want to think about it, but I do know there’s a high chance I wouldn’t be sitting behind my work desk typing this.

What I hadn’t realised at the time was that dreams do not manifest overnight. They are like babies, they have to be nurtured and attended to constantly. Did you hear me? Constantly!

Now I’m not about to be all self-deprecating after all I have blogged for 3 years and that for me is an accomplishment!

Do something now that your future self will thank you for. It could be in any area of your life, great or small. Start and persist with it and remember Rome was not built in a day.

You owe it to yourself to live out your dreams to the fullest.

Xo

Plastic Surgery: Should I do it?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

img_6198It’s Sunday and I’m lazing around looking on social media and I see someone who I hadn’t seen in a while, something was different.
Her breasts were huge and quite tender looking, snap! She’s had work done. I noticed her friends too, all their bodies looked exactly the same.  It was clear they shared similar values in that respect.

I was a little bit saddened by it because part of what made each of them physically unique had been lost under the knife, probably in a foreign country somewhere. That isn’t shade, just the reality.

This individual used to stick up for her what others would call saggy breasts and show them like a badge of honour, seemingly not giving AF which I quite admired, so it was a shock to see that she had done it. It’s safe to say that under the heavy scrutiny she bulked.

The pressure to be and look amazing today is ever increasing, I mean who doesn’t want to be admired? I do, in fact worship me (I kid…sort of).

I get it, it’s hard to be the only one not doing something especially under the constant gaze of negative, miserable gremlins or on the flip side the constant feed of ‘perfect’ bodies. Your resolve has to be impenetrable because by simply being around it, you tap into that consciousness.

That consciousness is something that’s palpable, you feel it but can’t quite hold it. Even your favourite love to hate rapper Kanye West had lipo’ as he ‘didn’t want you to call me fat like you did Rob’. The Kanye West. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind, especially whilst working out- its a bitch.

Plastic surgery used to be a secret and something only the rich and famous could afford. You didn’t come across people with augmentations often. On the rare occasions that I did, in hushed tones I’d gesticulate at my friend towards the muse in question, looking on in awe at how we are able to cut ourselves up and make something we weren’t born with bigger. My young naïveté couldn’t quite fathom it. And anyway weren’t we supposed to love what God gave us?

I have fought with this particular subject matter as whilst I firmly believe that people should do whatever makes them happy, I haven’t entirely reconciled that with the risks that plastic surgery holds physically, emotionally and mentally, but I suppose high risk, high reward?

Another part of my concern is in the pseudo-confidence it provides a lot of women and men and what will happen when once again what’s on trend changes, not to mention that the enhancements still don’t exclude you from having insecurities like everyone else. In some cases, a few people go on to develop greater insecurities because they never want to lose that feeling of being desirable to themselves and to others. Then there’s the lack of sound judgment and the carelessness at which some people make these decisions that end up having permanent unwanted effects including death. Undoing some of the negative effects can be a hard journey and K Michelle’s story is a testament to that.

It certainly has it benefits which I have personally witnessed amongst the people I know, I don’t dispute that at all. They seem…happier

A friend and I joke that we’ll be the only ones holding on for dear life not succumbing to the demand to carve ourselves out to perfection although now that I think about it, my friend does talk about shaving down her jaw, reducing her forehead and getting under eye fillers so maybe it’ll just be me, maybe.

Perhaps there’ll be a revolution with the likes of Kylie and K Michelle undoing their plastic surgery decisions and that it will encourage people to give it a bit more thought before going under.

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t acknowledge that we all have some type of enhancement whether it’s our nails, hair, teeth, gym, filters and so on. We too subscribe to wanting bigger and better, and whilst the gravity of it can be less severe, the principle is the same.

With that said, this is much more of an inside job than it is an outside one. It’s what’s taking place upstairs that impacts everything around you and what you experience. That is the real power and once we begin to master this, the lives we lead will be further enriched. And no, it’s not easy to work on you,  it’s constant effort and often times a struggle too but worth it in the long run.

If you choose to have surgery, make sure that you’re not making these changes so others can feel better about you so you can feel better about yourself, as to put it plainly, that’s backwards. Do due diligence with taking that step as your life truly depends on it.

Most importantly don’t forget the you underneath all of that. You spend the most time with that person, love them, accept them because in acceptance there is freedom.

Xo

Call It Quits?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

img_0874You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it.

Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing seems to be changing. You want to stop but you haven’t…yet.

Will it ever happen? Should I give up? Did I make a mistake going down this path? Can I fix it? Should I fix it? What did I do wrong?
It’s not going happen, I should give up, I never should have embarked on this journey, there’s nothing more I can do, I should have done this instead…

The constant noise, the incessant chatter of shoulda woulda couldas engulfs you. You can’t think straight.

Too overwhelmed to do much, yet too far gone to give it all up.

I know the feeling, it’s tempting to call it quits especially on days where it doesn’t make sense.
Truth is, when you made the decision to pursue your desires, there were no guarantees that it would happen, you only believed in it enough to do something about it, kudos to you.

In times like these, you must reconnect to your why. Stop the static by getting out of your normal environment and purge yourself of your thoughts.

Sounds simple, almost too simple yet it works.

I was having a nightmare of a time yesterday with a decision I had made months ago and I was so close to going back on my word. I had re-enacted what I felt like doing in that moment a trillion times but deep down I knew I’d regret it.

I wanted to stay on course but was struggling to. I called on my friends to keep me motivated; they helped, however it didn’t immediately ease my feelings. My thoughts were doing over time.

I decided to go to a small park around where I work. I opened notes on my phone, wrote two lines about how I was feeling and that was it. My sound mind was restored.

img_0813

Seeing the words was a visual reminder of why I was doing it and that the possibility of something better was worth the effort and indeed valuable to me.

Try it out. If you feel uncertain about your direction, get into nature. Spend time there, meditate, write or even talk to someone. It’s the best free therapy there is. And when you’re done, pat yourself on the back for everything you have accomplished so far, appreciate the moment you’re in now, stay connected to your why and never give up.

If it doesn’t happen on the first try, keep doing it, clarity will come.

“Anything worth having, is worth waiting (working) for”…apparently (lol)

xo

Being 30

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

806218a3-0e8e-494c-902a-179c303c4aa3

At 22 I made a video with my then boyfriend (not that kind of video, ya nasty) about what I wanted to accomplish by 30. Unfortunately I do not have the video to refer back to as he deleted it when we broke up- salty.

Anyway, I remember having such grand plans of what I wanted my life to look like and the accomplishments I should have by the time I turned 30.

L-O-L

My life is nothing like I had envisioned. It’s great just different.

For years leading up to it, I was incredibly conscious of that target to the point of sometimes crippling anxiety. I’d think about turning 30, and palpitations would follow with a sense of foreboding ‘I am not going to do everything am I?, I’m failure if  I don’t make my goals, all my peers are getting along nicely, there must be something wrong with me…’ and the constant head chatter would regurgitate itself every so often.

Then there were the advice from those in their 30’s, talking about how amazing it will be and how much you’d enjoy it. Their opinions were met with my dubious side eye, raised left eyebrow and pursed lips “sure”.

But here I am 6 months into being 30 not having achieved all of my previous goals and thinking what was the big deal? Life hasn’t come to a halt because things didn’t go according to my plan and it also did not require me to stop working towards them just because I’m 30, in fact quite the opposite.

I have opted to continuously recommit myself to, well, me, in every aspect and there’s no age limit on that-it’s entirely up to you.

Don’t limit yourself. If things don’t work out as planned, oh well, it’s not the end of the world. Keep going, take a step back if you need to, but simply don’t quit.

7a9f041d-9bd5-4321-b4eb-f0e22a7ab1b7

Xo

Not About This Life!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

img_6067

I do contract work, so that means every few months I change jobs and for the most part I like it. I don’t get stuck anywhere especially if I am not that keen on it (I may or may not have commitment issues, but that’s for another post).

Of course there are pitfalls such as lack of job security/stability, having to look for a new role every few months (which is like pulling teeth) and the restrictions in career progression, however I’m at a point where for my own personal goals I need to secure a permanent role. Thing is there isn’t a role that makes me want to jump out of bed and therein lies part of the problem. Whilst there are positions that pique my interest and would provide some sense of purpose, but its still just so blah.

Earlier today whilst discussing career opportunities with a friend, in jest I said that I resign from the search and I am just going to sell hair. We laughed till tears came out of my eyes.

Needless to say, I am not about to sell hair or am I? I’m creative being and I need the license to, well, create and not be restricted.

The goal would be to sufficiently excessively sustain myself from doing the things that I love (one of them being writing) and that’s a work in progress.

This stage of my life is aptly called ‘Winging it’, but that’s part of adulting isn’t it? figuring shit out.

When I do get some semblance of what/where the hell I am doing or going next, I’ll be sure to let you know.

If you don’t have a clue what to do, keep moving, be proactive in trying out new things, don’t restrict yourself and certainly do not give up, persevere.

XO

P.s Just proof that we all have moments where we don’t know what we’re doing, you’re not alone 🙂

 

Where’s Your Head At?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry.

Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however we can never quite get it together and it’s always by some stroke of luck that we find somewhere at the very last minute.

Anyway this fight was coming up and I was completely over the palaver of trying find somewhere. Nope, not doing it. I am not looking for a place, a vibe, a nothing, but, I still had the issue of wanting to watch the fight, so what do I do? Then it hit me, ‘Irene, pay for it and watch it at home DURH!’. That’s what anyone with common sense would do, right? Except I was so used to having the mind frame of watching it with others, in their space and on their dollar that it never ever occurred to me that I could just pay for it myself and watch it in the comfort of my own home, without the hassle. Genius idea.

It might sound minute to you, but it shocked the hell out of me because I hadn’t realised that even in something as small as this I had become conditioned to think about some things in a way that was limiting my experiences. Needless to say I paid for it, watched it in bed and after the boring fight was over, fell right asleep, perfect.

It took me making a different choice to encourage me to have a different experience.

What old ways do you have that is limiting your experiences? What could you take responsibility for? What different choice could you make that might lead to a different experience?

The people who get uncommon results do uncommon things. Break your mould and do something you wouldn’t normally and yes sometimes doing that will be difficult and challenges will arise, push through anyway and do it.

I did a presentation last week in front of a whole directorate and I was shitting myself. They couldn’t tell though but I was so sure I was making an arse of myself. It was my first time doing something of that kind and trust me when I say all sorts of challenges cropped up in the lead up to it but I expected that because that’s what happens when you want . I seriously considered dropping out at the last minute and said to myself, ‘Irene why did you say you’d do it?’. But guess what? It was well received and my colleague and I had lots of positive, reaffirming feedback.

It was also a huge learning curve and built my character and skills, yet if I had quit, I’d never have that.

Its a new week, do something different and see how it goes. Whether you win or lose, you learn from it- you still win.

The Danger of Expectations

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

My First Time

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was in love once. You never forget your first time.

I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth.

…And with first loves comes first heartbreak and mine was one of the worst experiences to date, I’d never wish it upon my enemy. My mind convinced me that I will not get over it and be the same. Part of that is true, I was never the same but I certainly did get over it.

Although the pain of it is long forgotten, the effects still remain and I am continuously working on undoing it all. I have not been “in love” since, as I inadvertently made it conditional. The ones after him didn’t stand a chance, the bar was set stupidly high.

Now that isn’t to say I consistently made good decisions, I definitely did not. I did become fiercely protective over how close you could get and mastered the skill of not showing much emotion. To me, showing emotion was a sign of weakness and being vulnerable a terrible thing, but as we can see here my beliefs on that is changing slowly but surely.

Between figuring out who I was, childhood trauma, growing through adolescence, university, volatile relationships and friendships, I was a complete and utter mess. No word of a lie, you could see the struggle, pain and hardness on my face. It was a lot, but there is better. Those who knew me then to now will tell you that I’m a far cry from the young woman they first met.

Years later I can laugh at how dramatic, naive and emotional I was, I’m grateful for that valuable lesson. It’s a contributing factor to who I am today, both good and bad.

My advice for healing? I can’t put it down to one thing, it’s a combination of things. I’ll list a few practices that helped me and still do (and I use this for all things):

  1. Don’t rush the process by acting as if it didn’t happen or that you don’t feel anything. You’ll do yourself a disservice by being in denial and it will only manifest in other areas of your life in a greater way including disease. It’s that deep. Give it the space to breathe and go through the motions, it’s the only way to come out on the other side. It’s perfectly okay to admit that you’re hurt.
  2. Do be proactive in your healing. Get around your loved ones, do the things you enjoy doing, find a worthy project to direct your energy towards, write down your feelings, or get help if you need to. The aforementioned will help immensely but it won’t exclude you from forgetting or feeling the pain, it’ll be very present. You could be in the midst of doing the most exciting thing and boom, your mind thinks of them and it throws you off, keep going. With each passing day, it’ll get better.
  3. Practice self-love. Unfortunately this isn’t something we’re often taught, but the best way I can describe it is to love yourself how you would want the love of your life to love you. For example, you would want them to speak to you kindly, to encourage you, to support your dreams and help make them a reality, to treat you to nice things, to have once in lifetime experiences, to show compassion, to see you as your best self…all of that and more, do for yourself.
  4. Invest in yourself.
  5. Whether you’re a person of faith or not, pray, meditate or journal.

We should do these things irrespective of a significant other but for some reason we find it difficult to be committed to another and ourselves simultaneously. If we learn how to do this we can never lose our way, at least not for long.

Some days won’t be great and other days you’ll feel the progress, during both keep pushing forward.

This journey is full of highs and lows, respect them and they will make you a better person.

Xo

How Does It Feel?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How Does It Feel?

The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now.

I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it.

I found myself in a little bit of a predicament where I was really struggling to let something go. I sat there and thought about it, ‘What really is the issue here? why can’t you just let go and move on?’ and then it dawned on me, it was the way they made me feel.

It had been quite a long time since I was stirred (ew don’t be a freak) and in all honesty I liked it and had difficulty detaching myself when it turned out to be a bad fit. Even with the things said and done, it wasn’t enough to easily cut loose, the feelings kept it afloat.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all endured a lot of crap from someone we shouldn’t, but because of how we felt about them or how they made us feel we quickly forgave their transgressions.

Isn’t that how a lot of relationships between people are formed, based on feelings which then become attachments? Some relationships are easy to sever and others not so much for this very reason. We’re blinded by their ability to make us feel good, alive or whatever the positive impact we feel they have and in short, it’s addictive.

It’s a powerful drug, as everything we do is about how we feel. Coincidentally, what we get back is often a response to that. And this isn’t strictly between people, it’s everything! Money, family, jobs, health, food… how we feel about these things govern how we treat them.

So the next time you’re having difficulty understanding what’s happening in your life, ask yourself,’how does it make me feel?’and you should soon discover the root and hopefully the solution to your dilemma.

Knowing this, is both a gift and a curse, use it wisely, as just as others have the power to affect you, you have the power to affect others.

Xo

I Just Want To Be Successful

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too.

Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can always do better and more. There has always been a new goal to work towards and I realise now that I could have achieved the most amazing thing and I’d never consider it good enough for that very reason.

I was in the shower when the thought came to me ‘I am a success’. I don’t know whose thought in the ether I picked up, but for some strange reason that statement permeated every part of me as the absolute truth. I AM a success.

All the ways I was/am a success came to mind, even the most unlikely of things like my job, which although doesn’t set my soul on fire, I have one. You think it’s easy maintaining a job with all its nuances that you don’t love, but still go to because it funds your real love? Sounds like a success to me- A shift in perspective.

It made me think, if I do not see myself as successful now with all the things I have done to date and who I am, what difference will it make when I achieve more and greater? When will that turning point come?

We too often qualify success on other people’s terms and find it difficult to see ourselves and all the things we have overcome and accomplished.

Give yourself some credit and spend a few minutes meditating on your achievements, especially the ones you overlook every day. You don’t need anyone but yourself to do that.

Start seeing yourself as a success now and watch you attract more of it because we attract what we are, not what we want to be.

Xo

The Finish Line

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

We all know the story of the Tortoise and Hare and if you don’t you can read about it here.

It’s almost impossible to ignore what people are doing, how they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with (ew get your mind out of the gutter). There are images and videos everywhere you turn! Suddenly, you start to feel inadequate and a small irritating voice says ‘why aren’t you doing better?, you should have been doing this by now, you’re such a flop, you’ll never make it if you’ve not made it by now, give up, you started out together but look at what s/he has done and you’re STILL struggling, just pack it all in’. Ugh, shoot me now.

So what do you do?

Focus.

The Tortoise is slow by nature and in this instance he was well aware of his capabilities. He didn’t try and be like the Hare because the way his body is set up it’d never cope. Could you imagine seeing him sprint with a heavy ass shell around his body, itty bitty chunky legs and a small head with beady eyes? Comical. Even if he managed it for some parts of the race, his whole body at some point will betray him. Instead, he ran his own race at his own pace and won.

Ultimately it was his focus on what he was doing and an awareness of his abilities that got him across the finish line to win. When the Tortoise didn’t see the Hare in the race, he didn’t suddenly decide ‘you know what let me just chill seeing as the Hare is sleeping, I have time’, he chose to continue on. Coincidentally it was the Hare’s lack of focus that made him lose.

The Hare overestimated his abilities and underestimated his opponents. Rather than give his attention to the task at hand which was to win the race, he was mocking what the Tortoise was doing and how he was doing it. It was at this point that he didn’t know he f**ked messed up.

‘But Irene I don’t know what to focus on?’ Well what’s in front of you? Focus on that. What opportunity is looking at you dead in your eye that you’re missing? Okay it might be heavily disguised and not quite look like what you expect but once you discover it, work on it anyway.

‘How?’  It’s not your business to spend time going over the how just DO. Do it whichever way you know and continue to do and do and do and do and before you know it you’re mastering the how and how not to, make sense? BUT, if you don’t make a move, it’ll never happen.

To sum this up, do your best at minding your business.

Xo

Are You Sure You Want This?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday night I say my prayers, set my intentions, I feel good and I go to sleep.

Before 8 am this morning, I had 2 unexpected things pop up with a promise to throw me off track.

I say to myself ‘It’ll be fine, I’ll handle it’.

I jump in the shower and as I scrub myself I suddenly remember one of the intentions I had set the night before: ‘I want to strengthen my mind (positively)…’. It dawns on me that those 2 “pop ups” were a part of my “mind strengthening training”. I laugh at the physical representations of it and mentally accept the challenge.

What is the challenge? Don’t lose my shit, maintain a good attitude and alter the way I do and respond to things to further develop my character.

Anyway, I have work to get to and I must be there for 9 am. One of the managers is up my crack and onto me and I’m never one to fall back from a challenge and I like to prove points, so like I said I must be on time.

I leave out and I’m doing okay for time. I arrive at the closest underground station to me and there’s 100’s of people at the top of the escalators. The Jubilee Line has a fault. Now if you know me, you know commuting is one of my least favourite things. I think I vocally complain about it at least once a week so this is not good and like I said I HAVE A POINT TO PROVE (wtf is the universe ignoring me?). We’re all hanging around waiting to be told that service will resume. It doesn’t. Instead they tell us the line has been suspended both ways. Feck.

By this point I am teetering on resorting back to my usual reaction to situations like this.  I can feel the urge coming up from my stomach  creeping up on me, but I utter no words for fear of undoing my efforts. I won’t go out like that. I plan another route to get to work.

Upon arriving at the alternative route, I walk down the stairs looking towards the platform to see if the train has arrived as it’s due now. I see the train is there, but it hasn’t quite pulled up to the full length of the platform yet. That’s odd. I overhear a bystander tell someone something about the train but I only caught bits of it, so I asked her what she had just said.

‘A person has jumped in front of the train’. What?! Okay, this is too much mental strength training for me in one morning. You mean to tell me a likely dead body is somewhere underneath this very train I am looking at? It deeply saddens me and my eyes well. Whoever they were, was in so much mental turmoil and pain that they couldn’t bear the thought of living another day. If you’ve ever been depressed or suicidal you know just how much of a battle it is.

I attempt to say a prayer for them ‘I hope they have peac…’. I don’t quite finish the sentence or really know what to say. Can a person who took their own life have peace in death? What about the afterlife? Is there really an afterlife? Too much to think about.  There goes my morale.

I eventually make it into work 2 hours and 50 minutes after I left my house, for what usually is a 1 hour journey door to door. Time: 10:50 am. Oh, have I mentioned I’m a contractor so every hour counts…fun.

Don’t get me wrong I know some of the above pales in comparison to things others have to deal with, but this is what’s mine.

I share of all of that to say this: Be aware of what you are asking for and what you want.

You usually hear be careful what you ask for, but I think it’s equally important to be aware of it, because whatever you want or ask for, you will be tested by it and if you are unable to recognise it when it comes, you’ll abuse and lose it.

Being aware puts you in a better position to readily succeed at, improve and appreciate the thing that you have asked for. It also helps to manage your expectations. For example, some women want husbands that are rich. Nothing wrong with that right? Except the reality of that might look like him working long hours, travelling the world, being available to his work responsibilities 24/7, missing important dates, forgetting important dates, and so on. Being wealthy usually comes with huge responsibilities and yes the payoff is nice but at what price?

You want to be a world class athlete? That’ll mean changing your diet, knowing every single ingredient in your food and its properties, being disciplined, limiting social outings, training every single day, and the list goes on.

Get my drift?

I wanted to reinforce my mind to be steadily positive and what I have been faced with are things to build more of a resistance to negativity or things not going as planned and because I am aware of this, I can effectively adjust to meet this need. Will I always do right? Um no. But I can always do better.

So, what have you asked for? Is it here? And how are you rising to the occasion?

Xo

For anyone who’s in need, please help yourself here.

In All Honesty…

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up.

I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having to be visible disrupts that. Schedules to me are a constriction and only further incite the rebel in me. But, as my mother would say, man cannot live by bread alone and in this instance I cannot be without discipline and consistency as those are the springboards to success.

My relationship with posting is shoddy to say the least. I go through many peaks and troughs with it that I can only imagine for you is meh. *Whispers* If truth be told it’s an absolute miracle that I have been “blogging” for nearly 4 years!

So here is what I am going to ask of you, hold me accountable. No man is an island and no matter who it is, everyone needs someone to encourage or in my case push them to act. On my part I will do my best to continue cultivating discipline and be more consistent.

If there is something in your life that you know needs to improve, put the energy into doing just that. You will have good days where the progress is evident and palpable, but know that there will also be ‘bad days’ where you will want to throw the towel, bucket and sponge in, don’t. I more than anyone understands how an obstacle can come along and give you a swift kick in the shin, but continue to practice. Practice being better than you were yesterday, practice encouraging yourself, practice being disciplined in the small things so you can handle with more ease the big things, practice doing things out of your comfort zone so you can do more things out of your comfort zone, whatever it is, practice and don’t give up!

Xo

P.s How are we in March already?!

 

The Signs

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dare I say it I am excited that it’s Monday and the start of a new week! Everything that happened last week is now in the past and we have new opportunities to make good on, so go forth and prosper!

The Signs 

Energy doesn’t lie, it can’t, it just is.

I, like a lot of people am big on energy. If their energy is off, there’s a high possibility that you’ll be off too.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been MIA because something else has held my attention. By something I mean someone. They held my attention in a way that it distracted me from the things I was supposed to do. I chose to allow their presence consume a lot of my energy and not in a good way.

During this period it became crystal clear to me how important it is to align yourself with people who encourage, support and want the best for you. If this is lacking in your relationships, run. I realised that I was dealing with someone who did not have the best intentions and although it was a difficult pill to swallow, it was absolutely necessary that I realised this now than later.

One person is enough to completely change the course of your life for the better or worse, so do not ignore the signs as they are always present and there to guide you onto a better path. Will it be pain free? No. In fact you’ll probably find it a struggle to detach yourself from them, but the pain you’ll experience from that is less than what you’ll experience in the long run if you continue to entertain and have this person influence your life.

Don’t know how to gauge if this person is right or not? Here are 5 questions to ask yourself:

  1. How do they regularly make you feel, uplifted or in low spirits?
  2. Are they helping you grow or making you stagnant?
  3. How have you changed since having them around, is it positive or negative?
  4. Do they care about your general wellbeing?
  5. Do they support your ambitions with love and careful consideration?

Asking those questions will paint a better picture of the quality of the relationships you have and if it’s not good, you’re one step closer to figuring out how to change that. The one thing you mustn’t do, is attempt to change them. It’s a futile exercise that no one has the power to do except the individual in question.

Your life is your responsibility and it’s up to you to filter out the people and things that do not cultivate the life you want to lead. Make it your business to protect your space.

Xo

The Dreams Free, Hustle Sold Separately

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I love dreaming, day dreaming to be exact. I can set the place, time, event, who’s there and make it as big and as wonderful as I want it to be. The best part is that you can do it anywhere and at any time.

You may feel elevated after the quick or not so quick fantasising session and then you’re reminded of the reality of your surroundings as it doesn’t quite match up to what you have envisioned.

Making that dream a reality requires an entirely different set of skills and irrespective of how easy someone makes it look, the truth is, it’s not. Blood, sweat and tears are a few things that go into bringing forth the things of your dreams. It inevitably will demand that you make sacrifices and some of them quite painful in order to attain what you desire.

Be under no illusion that things just work like magic because they often don’t. Let’s take a wonderful, healthy and flourishing relationship. You have two people from different backgrounds, upbringings, perspectives, behaviours and so on, coming together to build and nurture a relationship, does that sound like something that would just ‘work’? Absolutely not! There’s bound to be clashes, disagreements, tension, working together, laying aside your pride, apologising, compromising, selflessness, consideration, affection, effort, the list is endless of the things you will have to do to make your relationship wonderful, healthy and flourish. It’s no easy task and certainly will not feel magical; it’s work and lots of it.

So, as you go into this week, think about what it is you want and what you are prepared to give and also release to make it happen. Once you have a clearer picture, write down three things you will do to transmute your dream into your reality in the next week. And no, it won’t happen overnight, but over time you will start to see the evidence of your good work.

Dream big, but work even harder.

Xo

 

 

 

 

It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work.

There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and maintain it. Discipline is “the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations”.

Want a great relationship with your partner? You need discipline to do the work to make it great. What this might look like is developing your communication skills, learning when to speak and when to just let things go, lifting your partner up even when they’re driving you nuts and doing things you wouldn’t normally do but know they love-discipline.

Want a thriving career? You need discipline in order to consistently do the work required so that it thrives. This might mean delivering a high standard of service or work and you cannot do that without being disciplined.

Want your body to be the best it’s ever been? You need discipline to regularly go to the gym and maintain a good nutritional diet.

Saving money for a big purchase? You need discipline to stick to the plan that you’ve set up to buy it. This could mean learning to effectively manage your finances and denying yourself certain pleasures for the sake of reaching the goal- discipline.

One of the greatest of all time, THE Michael Jackson couldn’t grant us all of his musical genius without exercising a huge amount of discipline. He used it to write songs, record them, produce them, dance and to do every other amazing thing that we witnessed.

We’ve seen the effects that a lack discipline has on our lives and that of others, for example, unruly kids turn into delinquent teenagers and lazy adults. Not having discipline has the power to affect our lives in such a negative way that we’d be ignorant to not exercise it to draw into our lives the things we desire.

If you don’t have much discipline, practice and yes it is a learned behaviour for some, myself included. Don’t allow a lack of discipline be the reason you don’t prosper how you want to as that is most certainly in your hands.

Xo

SShhh Don’t Talk About It

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I just got back from a solo trip to Malta. If you have ever tried to organise a trip away with others you’ll know how incredibly frustrating it can be. After months of trying to get it together with others, I scrapped those efforts and said right I’m going alone! I didn’t tell anyone until it was all booked. It was exactly what I needed. It enhanced my confidence in myself, that I can do it alone and although it’d be nice to have a companion, I am certainly enough.

Want to do something? Do it. Don’t allow the perfect time, thing or person prevent you from making that move. I have learnt then when you go ahead, the people that are for you will come to you in due time. Whilst in Malta, a friend in London told me he used to live there and that he can put me in contact with a friend of his to take me out and that’s exactly what happened. Within a few hours I was out exploring their night life.

Another thing to do or not do in this case, is talk about it. We all know what it feels like to talk about something and it not materialise, it’s embarrassing. I’m now operating on a strictly need to know basis, not purely because of the embarrassment, but what it does is allow me to work in private without the influence of others that ‘don’t get it’. A lot of the time all talking about it does is waste energy that you really could be using to actually do it. If you have to talk about it, speak about it to people who have done it or are doing it. You have to constantly keep yourself in alignment with the thing that you’re doing. You cannot afford to speak to those who are on a completely different path, because believe it or not they have the power to derail you. Would an architect speak to yoga instructor about their project? No, unless it’s about how to practice mediation with exercise then Bobs your uncle. Now, that’s not to say they can’t provide great insights, it’s just a ground you have to tread VERY lightly-assess them by their fruits.

So, nurture your goals in private and diligently, protect your mind, get in alignment and surround yourself with people doing the work and watch your life change.

Xo

Food For Thought: The Grind

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am starting a new thing called ‘Food For Thought’ where once a week, I write a sentence or two for personal rumination. I do think less is more and rather than constantly bombard you with an essay every couple of days (I’ll still do this), I thought it’d be good to give a few words instead. Of course whatever is written is up for your interpretation but I do hope it resonates in some respect.

Here’s the first one:

You cannot put a little bit of effort in and expect a massive return. That my friend, is theft.

Xo

P.s This may very well be laziness, only time will tell, but above is my story and I am sticking to it.

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

S/He is “Goals”

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours.

Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be careful how closely we focus on them lest we fall deep down the rabbit hole. Sometimes we look at someone’s life and think they’ve got it made until you hear about their woes, suddenly your life doesn’t seem so bad.

Learn to value where you are and have faith in where you’re going. Everyone’s journey is different as are the blessings and obstacles. Don’t look at anyone else and believe they’re “goals”, be your own goals.

Want to know how to do that? Set weekly, monthly, yearly real and practical goals and smash the shit out of them. Honestly, it works. It builds confidence and sharpens your tools. It will turn the focus back to you and on improving the quality of your life. Trust me, there’s so much living to do and if you’re doing it right, you won’t have time to inspect what the other person is doing. Granted, you can learn from them, however never hold their life in higher esteem than yours, ever.

Have a great weekend! And see you next week 🙂

Xo

3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I planned to write on something completely different, but after a brief conversation with an old friend in which she sent me an article, I thought maybe this article would be useful to others like me.

The 3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis.

If you’re affected by one P, you’ll be affected by two and likely the third P too. Works like a pendulum going back and forth. If you do suffer from any of the above, then you understand how truly crippling this can be for your any area of your life.

Reading the article that I am about to share was like having a mirror to look into and you can only improve upon what you know. I hope it’s insightful.

“Do you set your standards high, but always feel like you’ve failed? Learn about the 3 “P’s” and end the vicious cycle that keeps you stuck and ineffective.

THE VICIOUS CYCLE

Perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis – one often leads to the next, in a vicious cycle, especially on large, long-term projects with no clear deadlines. Let’s look at each part of this cycle, and explore some concrete steps that you can take to disrupt the cycle.

PERFECTIONISM

Although most of my coaching clients don’t contact me until they are suffering from the second or third “P,” I will start with the first, one: perfectionism. This trait can be defined as striving towards impossibly high goals. The perfectionist is caught in a trap – he or she can never be good enough. Usually a perfectionist engages in a rigid, black or white kind of thinking about his own performance – if it isn’t perfect, it’s horrible.

I see perfectionism as existing on one end of a continuum. Up to a certain point, aiming high can help you become successful. Most academics who have made it to graduate school have set high standards for themselves and have met those high standards. There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself to attain excellence. It only becomes a problem when the goal is always set beyond your reach.

The Mediocre Perfectionist?

Ironically, the perfectionist often achieves a product that is far less than perfect. In contrast, those who aim at more realistic goals can outperform the perfectionist. How could that be? The procrastination and paralysis that result from overly high standards causes the perfectionist to wait until it’s too late, then rush to do something; anything. The more relaxed realist, in the meantime, is able to put an effort in earlier, over a more prolonged period of time, with more chance to let time and subsequent editing improve the final product…”

You can read the rest here

Xo

 

It’s None of My Business

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The title was inspired by Mr Hotspot on Instagram, I love this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO6FkK5i6AY

It took me a while to learn how to not be so concerned with what someone else thought of me and my life and in all honesty I am still learning.

A couple of current truths about me are that I’m a perfectionist and critical which sort of means the same thing. So with anything that I do, it’s usually well thought out. The flip side to this is that I can be incredibly self-conscious and pedantic about everything!

‘What will they say? Will they judge me? What if they don’t like it? What if no one cares? They are going to hate it’

Pause…Okay, what if all your worst nightmares happen? And? Then what?

If there’s something I’ve learnt about people is that whether you’re bloody amazing or not they’re going to talk about you. Period. The only way to avoid that is to do nothing and be nothing and who wants to live like that? No one. And even still, no matter what it is, someone will find value in what you do and who you are. Social media is proof of this. The amount of times I’ve come across something I thought was absolutely insane, someone else was loving it.

So if they’re going to talk about you anyway, why not do the thing that you love to do, that you’re proud of, that makes you happy, that gives you purpose, that adds value that way you can stand by what you have chosen to do with your life, rather than feel like a fool for changing who you are and what you were doing to please others who couldn’t care less and are insistent on bringing you down regardless.

It’s not your business to worry about what others say about you and your life but it IS your business to be concerned your life and how you live it for you.

Surround yourself with those that will support and edify you and also be sure to BE the person you want to have in your life (Like attracts like).

Last thing, if there is one thing to consistently do in 2018 is to live your bestest (yes I said bestest) life!

Xo

Photo by Whole Magazine

Make Room

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

I have an iPhone and it feels like every few seconds it tells me ‘Storage almost full’. Seeing this message has become the absolute bane of my life. I then start the process of looking for things to delete in order to create space and what I usually find tends to surprise me. ‘How did this get there?, erm this is useless, I’d never use this again, I have no interest in that, ergh delete’ are the thoughts I have when doing this.

It’s amazing how quickly things take form and become staples in our lives without us even realising it.

It’s crucial that we declutter on a regular basis so that we can make room for the things we really want and need in our lives now. This could be physically in terms of our possessions or mentally in respect of the way we think that no longer serves us and has now unknowingly become a hindrance or the time we afford others, it could be anything. Unfortunately we don’t have a message that pops up to tell us when we’re reaching our capacity and need to offload, but there are other tell tale signs that we can use to our advantage.

Lighten your load by decluttering and make room for what you want.

Xo

A Single Mind

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You cannot have two masters, one will rule over the other. Ever tried to go left and right at the same time? It’s impossible.

It works the same if you are double minded. When working towards a goal, you cannot willingly accept alternative outcomes because the likelihood is you’ll end up with the least desired one.

Let’s say you want a brand new 2018 Mercedes Benz. You have this car in mind but then repeatedly say ‘Well if not a Mercedes, a Ford, Peugeot or Mini Cooper will do’. Can you see the confusion? You want a Mercedes but you’ve already considered various other options. By doing this you have done two things 1. You have already introduced failure and doubt into the equation by that line of thinking 2. It also means you won’t give all your efforts to getting the Mercedes because you have options and are comfortable with settling.

You must be clear and concise with what it is that you desire. Not being clear causes you to be stagnant, creates confusion, mediocrity and eventually frustration.

Focused and determined people are seldom unsuccessful.

If you are unsure of what it is you want or the goal, that’s completely fine. Simply set some time aside to write what’s in your head down on paper and begin to sift through what’s there until you’re more confident in what it is that you desire.

Being clear minded is not to be confused with not being open. To be open means to be flexible in how the thing comes to you not in what the thing is itself. Being clear minded is to know what you want. They work together.

Every accomplished person, knew what they wanted first. Get clear, your present and future depends on it.

Xo

To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

To find your peace, you must face your beast.

Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared for. As my friend and I will say, you have to unpack your load.

To unpack (by our definition) means to delve into discovering the root cause of your issues and facing it head on. Is it easy? No. Sometimes you discover it’s not what you thought it was about and other times it’s related to previous experiences that you never quite dealt with.

Someone did something recently that I took great offense to. It wasn’t just the low level of regard and respect that they showed, it was how their actions triggered insecurities. I now had to unpack and work through it otherwise it’d definitely affect my day to day but ultimately rob me of my peace of mind. This situation signaled to me that I still had some work to do on myself in that area and that I am not quite ‘there’ yet.

Too often when something threatens to upset our psyche, we go to our vice to quickly appease ourselves. We find a big enough distraction to shift our focus and attempt to diminish what is brewing. We’re too afraid to face what is looming ahead, so quick lets bury ourselves in something. The effects of doing this tend to last much longer than if we were to deal with the problem. For example, this terrible saying of ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one’. What you’re actually doing is adding onto your things to unpack.

Are we able to still move forward in life without dealing with the issue? Absolutely, it’s called denial and suppression. The thing with doing that however is that it can show up in other areas of your life in the most obscure way. It’s not always detectable but it’s always there.

With most things, you have to actively work for it and peace is no different. Whether you meditate on it or take action, it will require you to make the efforts to help yourself.

So do yourself a favour, the next time something threatens your stability, don’t shy away from it, take some time out to figure out what it is telling you about yourself and work on and through it.

It won’t happen over night but it will happen over time.

Peace xo

“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you.

At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push yourself, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t change your habits, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t commit to anything, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t alter your thinking, but somehow it’ll be different. Do you and I a favour and stop being deceitful.

The reality is, changing and improving the quality of your life is A LOT of hard consistent work and the results of it may not materialise until months and years later, so the question is, how bad do you want it and can you go the distance?

The unrealistic expectations that we sometimes hold of ourselves cause us to repeatedly fall short of our goals (myself included). We have it in our minds that it’ll be easy to accomplish and when faced the actuality of it, opt out and resign to a life of mediocrity.

With anything worth having, you will have to put the work in, not only in attaining it but to maintain it also. Whether it’s money, career, relationships, family, if it is to be successful, you will have to constantly work for/at it.

What does the work look like in real life? Time, effort, patience, sacrifice, discipline, self-control, consistency, commitment, developing, sweat, tears, failure, restarting, stress, balance, challenge, criticism, the list is endless. And yes, looking at that list it’s very easy to see why anyone would say ‘It’s not for me bro’, but if you want it, it’s a package deal- You can’t pick and choose the bits you want.

In my experience, when trying to change anything, the idea is to focus your energy on one thing. Full focus and attention on one thing is bound to produce greater results at a rapid rate than giving your divided attention to many things. The latter is also a sure fire way to not only be ineffective but stagnant. You will feel like you’re working but the reality is you’re working on too many of the wrong things at the same time and going nowhere fast.

Now I’m not advocating that you abandon everything else, simply that you devote most of your efforts to accomplishing one thing before diversifying. Become skilled at one thing and that will give you the necessary tools to increase your success rate in other areas of your life. Continue as you are? Well you already know what that looks like.

Xo

‘If It Doesn’t Challenge You, It Won’t Change You’

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d be the first to say I like an easy life. Stress and drama are not my kindred and so far as is possible I avoid it, but sometimes you simply can’t, sometimes its necessary.

I saw the above title on Instagram yesterday and all the ways this statement applies came flooding through my mind; the gym, my career, my relationships.

When hardship comes, we often look for the quickest way to stop it, instead of looking at how this can shape us to be better. We don’t want to struggle or to feel pain, but truth be told whether we like it or not it’ll come, the real test is in how we deal with it.

The challenges that come our way are an opportunity to become better and refine our character, however this will not be possible if every time something threatens our comfort we run or shut down.

Challenge is an integral part of anyone’s development, learn to embrace it and make it work for you not against you. When next it crosses your path, refuse to run or shut down, ask yourself ‘How can this make me better?’

Xo

Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Part 1

“Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car. 

She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over her. 

Jamal’s head snapped back to see his girlfriend staring at him in utter disbelief. “It’s not what it looks like” Jamal stuttered. Emmy didn’t respond. “Let’s go” she said calmly. 

Not another word was said and they left.

Chelle had by this point sat upright with her knees close to her chest and her arms in a tight embrace around them. She was not going to move or make a sound. She wished the wooden flooring would open up and swallow her whole, but when has your deepest desire ever come true when you needed it the most. 

She was still there, live in the flesh, watching the entire scene unfold before her eyes like a showreel except she was the lead character living out her worst moment.

Chelle wasn’t sure what would have been worse, the two words said or Emmy going into a rage and beating the absolute crap out of her. It’s like when you’ve done something bad and your parents sit you down and say “I’m disappointed”. Those two words have the power to shift worlds and make any person rethink their entire existence. You’d much rather they scold you, that way they can feel guilty in the end, but no, they won’t give you the power. That’s how this moment felt to Chelle.

She sat there with her back against the steel cold leg of the God forsaken island and sobbed. Her body shook with the memories of all the things that went wrong over the past three years. She cried for her short comings and failures. She wept for her loneliness.

Two beeps were heard from her phone. With a wet nose and hot tears streaming down her face, she crawled over to where it was, hoping it was a message from God saving her from her current plight. It wasn’t. The message read “Be out by Sunday”. 

Murphy’s law was in full effect and Chelle could do nothing but wail herself to sleep. 

The sunlight coming through a gap of the closed curtains woke Chelle up. She stirred but didn’t move a limb. It was two hours later before she moved her body and slowly gathered her bearings. It was at that moment that she realised the mahogany stained floor had been her pillow and bed for the night. As she began to wonder how she ended up there, the events from last night came flooding back. She considered laying back down but the discomfort and aches in her body influenced her otherwise. 

With nothing left to give she walked towards her room. It seemed so foreign to her like she was seeing it for the first time and in some ways she was. She’d outgrown this space. This way of living and feeling hurt too much and she was spent.

Maybe this would be a great opportunity for change. She could have a do over and leave everything behind. She never did belong here, this was a poor attempt to live a life that she knew deep down wasn’t for her.

She picked up her laptop, typed in what she was looking for, done. 

Taking only a few treasured items and passport, she left. Chelle would return home.

Xo

This is 30!

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting.

At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could go wrong, all went wrong at one time’. I couldn’t catch a break. For every disappointment, I steamrolled my way forward, refusing to stop, just dusting myself off and keeping it pushing. Of course there is only so long you can continue on that path until it all falls down, and that came the day before my birthday, a few hours before my dinner party. My emotions boiled over and momentarily a dam broke. Fortunately, I didn’t have the capacity to wallow in it because I had a dinner to be at, and not just any dinner at that, MY 30th birthday dinner.

The dinner was amazing! I am so fortunate to have had great people to help organise, plan and oversee the proceedings of the day as I could not have done it without them. It’s a huge blessing to also have friends and family that would show up and I’m incredibly grateful.

IMG_3041IMG_3072

IMG_3075

What do I think so far about being 30? It’s been 3.5 days and its too soon to have a fully formed answer to this, but so far, it feels like a coming into something new. I have renewed energy to appreciate the things that I have and to make even better what I have been given. Ironically,  I also feel like the baby of the next decade (lol) which is great and I don’t feel so “old”.

I’m excited about what’s next and looking forward to the year ahead. I want to be able to say this time next year “What a difference a year makes” in the most wonderful way.

What do you want to say this time next year?

Xo

 

 

 

20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich you
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline. Otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo

The Year of Realisations

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase.

A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to anything (usually funny stuff) that takes her by surprise. I have a similar use for that phrase except the surprises are a bit more painful than funny.

I have recently had to question and re-evaluate some of the friendships that I have and it hurts to know that perception isn’t always reality.

The realisation that the esteem I held people in isn’t mutual is a hard pill to swallow. What concerns me more is having to look at myself and ask how did I get it so wrong? Why did I give of myself in a way that would yield such little return or regard?

I share this purely to show that irrespective of who anyone is, everyone deals with similar things.

How will I go forward with this new ‘enlightenment?’ Time and wise counsel from God. The one thing I do not want to do is harden my heart and become bitter, because let’s be real that will do more damage to me than it’ll ever do to them.

Relationships of any kind are hard work and require consistent reciprocal effort, compromise and compassion. If these are missing then it’s time to release the noose from around your neck and free yourself.

You cannot be of service from an empty space, you have to be full and part of that comes through your relationships with others.

Remember this, if there’s no love in it, leave it.

…In other news this is how I’m trying to be for the rest of the week:


LIT!

Xo

P.s I’ll be back to normal asap.

Turning 30: 20 Things to Know in Your 20’s

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Can I scream? Am I allowed? I feel like I need to or rather I am going to.

This week has been, how do I put it nicely, challenging. I don’t know whether it is because I am turning 30 in exactly a week or there is something in the water but whatever it is, I need it to hurry up and go away.

In light of this pending new age, I thought it’d be good to do a list of the 20 things to know in your 20’s of what I have learnt, loved and lost.

As someone who is nearing the end of their 20’s you can only imagine the level of anxiety that I and many others like me are experiencing. By my culture and this societies standards,  I needed to have been married, had a baby, bought a home, a thriving career and lots of money in the bank. Ha! Almost none of those have happened.

So here are the first five things I have learnt about my 20’s:

  1. Use your youth. If you can work, work, if you can create, create. Use the energy that you have now as over time you may not have the same intensity. Think Mark Zuckerberg, Evan Spiegel, and Jessica Matthew, to name a few
  2. Look after your credit so it can look after you.
  3. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Form friendships of value. In any relationship it is a give and take
  4. Have wild ambitions but set realistic goals towards achieving them. Don’t say you want to be a best-selling author by the end of the month yet you haven’t begun your story. Make the steps towards achieving your goals practical and achievable and over a period of time, you will accomplish it.
  5. If you have an idea, build on it now. There’s absolutely no such thing as the perfect time. Will you fall flat on your face? Most likely. But what you will learn will be invaluable to your growth and development.

Growing into adulthood isn’t easy and as with anything there’ll be highs and lows, you just have to learn how to roll with it.

img_2993

I’m smiling inside, I promise.

See you tomorrow!

XO

P.s I am accepting virtual gifts next week 🙂

 

 

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff.

I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up.

I am kicking myself because I am so sure that I shouldn’t be in this position. I should have known it wasn’t a great idea, I should have left when I was supposed to, I should not have committed even just a little bit if I knew that I would not go the distance, I should have had the foresight to see what could go wrong, and the rhetoric goes on and on and on.

Needless to say, that particular dialogue is unhelpful, in fact it’s rather useless. I have two options; continue with that line of thought or be pragmatic about it. I, although challenging to do, have chosen the latter.

When things don’t go as expected, it’s very easy to wallow and sing woe is me, however it’s much more work to will yourself to see the upside and press forward.

In evolving forward, a good place to start is by taking responsibility for the part you have played. Think about what you did, what effects did it have? Was it positive or negative? What are the ramifications?  Get a full picture of what has taken place. You see, the mess isn’t necessarily created in that instant, it’s usually prepped and primed beforehand, meaning there are things we have done that contributed to what we now experience.

But, let’s be honest, we’re all winging this thing called life. We’re figuring it out as we go along, making mistakes, failing, falling, and everything else in between, yet those are the very things that can propel us forward to something even better. A chance to grow and be great is, irrespective of our circumstances, a blessing.

Embrace the things that cause you to question yourself and re-evaluate your choices as that will lead you (should you choose) to something worthwhile.

Okay, I’m going now, I have some figuring out to do but I’ll be back soon enough. Until then, *sings* goodbye my lover, I mean have a super sexy week ahead! Yes I said super sexy 🙂

Xo

Finishing Strong

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what’ve achieved and what we haven’t.

We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2018’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2018 be any different if you’re not doing anything different? You still think the same, speak the same, act the same, have the same conversations, do the same things and somehow it’ll be…different?

I want you to remember that 2017 isn’t over yet and there is so much we can still do in creating the life we want to live.

Now I don’t have all the answers but I do know a little something that might help. I learnt something recently from my mentor that has helped shape what I do now and it’s this; the work is your habits.

What do your habits say about you and your life? The state of your life is in direct correlation to the habits you have nurtured and practice on a daily basis. For example, if you work out regularly, it’s likely to be evident in your fitness, physique and mentality. Like the saying goes the proof is the pudding.

After a long day at work, like most I just want to plop onto my bed. I don’t want to do any ‘house stuff’ least especially laundry. The clothes are on my bed and I gear up to swiftly push them to the side and curl up on my bed but I pause. What does this act do for me? 1) Fosters laziness and procrastination 2) Increases workload 3) Messy space, messy life 4) Lack of clarity…you see, that ‘little thing’ isn’t worth all that comes with it, so in most cases, I’ll sort it there and then. Everything you do, is mapping out your life.

So, as you go about your daily activities today think about this, what is what I’m about to do say about me and my life? And if you find that the answer is negative, there is your starting point for you to do something about it.

Check your habits and if you don’t like the results it produces, change your habits.

Xo

Somebody’s Watching

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’.

You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger.

Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were caught in the act. The act of admiring you from afar, wondering what you’re like as a person, if you have any quirks or nuances that they can pick up on, how you think, what you’re doing and so on.

Figuratively speaking there is always someone watching especially in this social media age where people can have access to you 24/7. Needless to say we have become obsessed with paying acute attention to other people’s lives, but, that isn’t always a bad thing and here’s why. People have the opportunity to learn, grow and be inspired by you, your life and your work.

I say all of that to say this; do not think for a second that what you have to offer to the world is not necessary, irrespective of how small or big it might be, somebody needs it. You have birthed those aspirations, dreams and visions for a reason and in most cases it’s not just for you.

Someone you don’t know needs what you have to offer the world. Someone you don’t know values who you are. Someone you don’t know believes you’re necessary. Someone you don’t know is rooting for you and your success. However, none of this can happen if you choose to keep who you are to yourself.

Now this isn’t a call for you to immediately put your life on full blast for everyone to see, simply an encouragement to stay committed to whatever you believe your purpose is. One of mine is this here blog. I have considered shutting this site down a trillion times, but my gut feeling won’t let me. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter whether or not there are hundreds of readers, just do the work. Whatever happens once I press publish is not my business (I mean it is but you know what I mean), I have done what I am suppose to do and until I feel led otherwise, that is what I’ll continue to do.

And yes, sometimes the things you do on the surface won’t make sense or you might feel that it is not valuable, however if you are certain that this is what you’re meant to do then it’ll work out either now or later. Learn to trust the timing of your life as it is never late or wrong, it’s just right for you.

IMG_2890 My nephew and I.

…And keep up the good work xo

P.s I hope your week ahead is full of sparkle, miracles and constant good news!

The Ugliness of it All

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Like Giggs infamous lyrics say ‘It will get bloody, it will get gory’, such is the premise of progression, success and greatness.

I had a ‘moment’ yesterday where I felt like the aspirations and plans I had for my life weren’t happening nor had they come to pass.

I silenced everything and connected with that feeling. I allowed whatever emotion that came to me to flow, which in this case was tears. And I’m not a crier or I should say I don’t like crying.

After talking and meditating, clarity came; things will get ugly before it becomes beautiful.

You ever look at something or someone and think this came together like magic? Well it wasn’t magic, unless magic is effort, hard work, smart work, patience, dedication, consistency, passion, failure, tears, sweat, perseverance, losing, ungratefulness, unappreciation, stress, doubt, producing rubbish, then I suppose it is, but nothing great ever just happens.

A house didn’t always look like a house

A car didn’t always look like a car

Serena Williams wasn’t always THE Serena Williams

Everything had a small beginning, a messy middle and a refined end…and then repeat.

The difference between those that succeed and those that don’t, is tenacity. Successful people do not give up, they grow through it .

So, the question is, do you want to be successful or nah? If so, then expect that sometimes there’ll be confusion, wins, self-doubt, high points, losses, success and so on, it’s part and parcel.

SW2

Don’t let the ugliness of it all deter you from believing and working towards better.

Xo

P.s I haven’t forgotten about the challenge, I did one of mine, did you?

 

One Person Can

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

A new opportunity has arisen for me and I subsequently began to think about the possibilities of what I’ll be able to do, change and improve upon. The excitement of it all boiled over. And then one thought stopped me in my tracks, “I’m one person, can I really make the difference I envision making?”. I immediately felt a sense of dejection.

“How can I, one small person make an impact? I am inexperienced and who’ll take me seriously anyway?…”. I fortunately wasn’t granted the liberty of continuing on that downward spiral because I was reminded of all the amazing things we get to enjoy and learn from in our society that was brought about by ONE person making the decision to be the change they wanted to see.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is one of the people I admire. Her books, intellect and being her unapologetic self, are a few things that both inspire and teach me…but what if? What if she decided that her voice wasn’t worth being heard? What if she decided that Purple Hibiscus is a pile of crap and dumped it in the bin? What if she never picked up a pen? I shudder.

Chimamanda

So this is for me as it is for you, don’t allow your current circumstances, inexperience or insecurities deprive you of believing that you are necessary and what you have to offer is valuable. Hold on to that little voice telling you can, because you can.

Xo

P.s How’s your challenge going?

 

New Week: Press Reset

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Who taught you to stop believing?

Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me off to the head doctor.

I spent so much of my childhood especially being the only child for almost 10 years (and at that point you’re still an only child because of the age gap), living in my imagination. I would conjure up stories, desires and situations which made my young life that much richer. Life, however, has other plans and slowly all the negative things get the better of us and we soon forget how to manifest and live more.  But I want to get back there, living as a child does, with no doubts, little fear and great ambition.

I asked myself this question, ‘how do we not become bogged down with the negative things that have happened, to cause us to believe less?’ The answer I received is this, learn and let go.

Think about it, a lot of children when they hurt themselves or don’t succeed at doing something, they get right back up and do it again. A child learning to walk after falling down a few times doesn’t suddenly say ‘yeah this walking stuff isn’t for me’, they carry on trying until they get it. The recollection of how badly it went wrong the first time is but a distance memory to them; they learn and they move on.

steps

One of the ways we can implement this ability is by following this principle by the good book, where it says but transformed by the renewing of your mind. One interpretation of this that you have to constantly, daily even, press reset.

With this in mind, I have decided to push myself beyond my self-inflicted limitations and I would love for you to join me.

Pick one thing that you have found to be a challenge to accomplish. It could be going to the gym 4 times a week, finishing off a proposal, having that business meeting, registering your company, making that dreaded phone call to a family member that you have not spoken to in years, buying a house, it could be absolutely anything. Decide that by the end of the week (19.11.17), you would have either done it or are one step closer to doing it. The one step does have has to be a huge step (no pressure 🙂 ).

My challenge has dragged on for many years, but I am determined to pull my finger out! I’ll definitely share mine next Monday, eek!

In the water

I’ll leave with this which I wholly believe in, it is always better to have tried something than to not have tried at all. You learn so much quicker when you do than when you don’t.

See you on the flipside!

Xo

The Single Life

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Navigating through life certainly has its ups and downs and I am starting to think that with some things there is no right or wrong, only better.

In keeping with the theme of other posts this week, I thought I’d share 2 things single (and non-single) people should do before entering or considering a relationship.

Now before you give me the side-eye about this, yes I am single, however I’ve had a fair bit of experience to know what has worked and not worked for me. We know by now that desperation doesn’t work and is at the top of the ‘Do not do’ list.

There’s no point in entering into an unhealthy and unedifying relationship for the sake of not being alone or keeping up with the status quo. When we get into one, although it might be challenging, we want it to match our fly and be everything we’ve ever imagined it could be. To get this we have to be right ourselves.

So, let’s get into this list.

  1. Know thy self. What knowing yourself does is set the standards you have for your life. It means you’d know bullshit when you see it, you’d know when something is right for you and when it’s not and you will not compromise on what it is you want just because it seems like it’s not happening yet. In other words, knowing yourself is knowing your power and because of this you are intentional in creating the world and life you want to live. Knowing yourself builds confidence in how and what you do with your life, for example, if someone comes along and says you’ll never amount to anything, you’d be able to laugh at them as you know who you are, what you’re capable of and they do not determine what that looks like, you do. You can also see your ex’s recent engagement and not be moved by it, because you know what is for you is for you. Getting to this level of surety does require a large amount of introspection and a lot of work, it’s definitely not an overnight stint. When you don’t know yourself, you’ll easily accept anything and everything that comes your way, when you do, you won’t- Don’t play yourself.

 

  1. Work on yourself. Focus on the things that you know has been harmful to you or that can be improved upon. For a while I had it in my head that I’d always be alone or that I’m the black sheep. The reason this became a belief system is because I was constantly questioned as to why I am single and made to feel (or should I say I allowed them to) like there was something wrong with me. I soon accepted it as gospel. I have since spent time changing the rhetoric that I have repeated to myself for years and replaced it with one that believes in myself more and trusts my intuition. What if you don’t know what needs to be worked on? Here’s one hint, stop ignoring the little voice telling you there is something wrong here, as I often say to my friend ‘unpack’ it, meaning examine/learn the root cause. Whatever your beliefs are will be mirrored in your life, nothing is by mistake, we are all creators after all…let that marinate.

Doing these two things alone is sure to bring you much more of what you want. Okay granted, its not that simple or straightforward but simply becoming more aware of yourself is a great start in itself and things will evolve as time passes.

The journey is worth it.

Xo

Cuffing Season

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Winter is here! And cuffing season is upon us. The struggle to find a bae is real. 

For those of you that don’t know what cuffing season is, by my definition it’s the autumn/winter period where due to the drastic change in weather, people find themselves a partner. It may be for the purpose of cuddling, having someone to go home to, Netflix and Chill, Christmas and all the other reasons to have a significant other. After all no one really wants to be alone especially during the festive period.

What makes C-Season particularly different is the urgency increases and the standards decrease and my thought is this: don’t let desperation take you where your backside(ass) isn’t supposed to be. 

One more time for those of you at the back.

Don’t 

Let

Desperation 

Take 

You 

Where

Your 

Backside(ass)

Isn’t 

Supposed 

To 

Be. 

And this is for all times and all things.

Let me tell you about this one time I found myself in a predicament I had no business being in. 

This time last year I was a mess! I literally hopscotched from one crappy ‘relationship’ to another shitty ‘relationship’ and why? Because my backside(ass) was, dare I admit it, desperate to change my status with a quickness. I was tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship and stupidly entertained another one that had the ‘appearance’ of being a good one. I was so wrong! And life taught me an invaluable lesson to mind my mother******* business. Fortunately for me, I was only bruised and not broken.

Things will transpire organically, there is never a need to manipulate or force life to happen for you the way you want it because 1) It’s likely to be more detrimental for you and 2) Because of number 1. 

Don’t allow society or the people around you, pressurise you into making a decision with potentially permanent effects based on a temporary feeling. Do focus on having fun and living your best life.

As always there is a time to sow and a time to harvest, just like seasons change so do circumstances.

Xo

Would You Date You?

Featured

Tags

, , , , ,

Would you date you? Be honest.

Not your typical Monday spiel but I think it’s worth thinking about it.

Whether you’re single, dating or in a relationship, every status is a minefield that needs to be broached with care and lots of thought. But, let’s talk about a significant other.

A lot of people often have long lists of wants and expectations that they themselves have no intention of meeting, do not meet and probably wouldn’t recognise even if it were right in front of them. So the question is, is it then okay to make these demands of others when you fall short yourself?

I do believe that the people in your life are a reflection of what you intrinsically believe about yourself and how you think. This of course will inform your decision on what you do and how you act. Ultimately it means that you attract what you are. So…I say this next bit with love, would the people you want to have in your life want you too? Again, be honest.

Yes, we are all wonderful in our own way, however, there is always always room for improvement.

Have a think about the question above and if you decide that yes there are things you can do to be better, start doing the work. Rome wasn’t built in a day so don’t expect the improvements to happen overnight, but with time, effort and consistency, it will begin to manifest.

Become the person you would want to have around you.

Xo

P.s I’m going to be back this week. I know I know, I say this all the time don’t I? and suddenly disappear, I am working on it, honest 🙂

Who’s Whispering In Your Ear?

Featured

Tags

, , , , , ,

Who’s whispering in your ear?

Do the people around you validate your fears? Do they exacerbate an already bad situation with their opinions and presence? Do they tell you about all the terrible ways they have dealt with things and encourage you to do the same? Do they knock your dreams? If so, drop them, now!

I am very very mindful about who I confide in concerning the matters of my life. One of the things I recommend not doing, is going around telling any and everyone who would listen about your problems or aspirations and here’s why:

When you speak to people who do not see the bigger picture, who are perpetually negative, who do not aspire to do or be better, whose life’s a constant mess, you’ll end up in the same position that you’ve always been in or worse still in the position they have always been. Their words and actions are infectious, make no mistake about it.

You need people in your life that will challenge your behaviour and thoughts, who will correct you when you’re wrong, who will give you a different perspective on things, who are actively in pursuit of manifesting their dreams and who have accomplished many and great things in their lives. You DO NOT want to speak to those who have achieved nothing great or positive, have given up on their dreams, who are constant complainers and always have something negative to say. You might not know it but the words and things you hear and see are shaping the world around you every single day. They are more influential than you think as whatever goes into your ears and eyes feeds you.

A couple of times a month or more I drive through the area I want to live in because I have to be reminded of my goals and what’s possible. If there is nothing around you that reiterates what you want in your life, you have to go there physically. Take yourself there through what you listen to, who you speak to, where you go, what you do and lastly through your imagination. And you always have your imagination. 

…Psst, let me whisper something in your ear, come closer, a bit more, perfect, go be great.

whisper

Xo

 

Sixth Sense

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I knew spilling my guts on here would help me out. Phew!

It’s like having a good old cry and suddenly having clarity afterwards, or when you’re having a bad day and opt to just sleep it off and you wake up feeling better. That’s what writing out my jargon on here did for me, so thank you.

Letting it flow will always produce much better results that forcing it to go. 

One of the things I heavily rely to do this, is my intuition and its especially handy with my writing. I go with what I sense rather than what I think.

You might not believe it, but you actually know what’s good for you, you simply don’t trust yourself enough to go with it.

So before you rest your eyes tonight, take a little bit of time to figure out the answers to the following:

  1. What you are feeling?
  2. Why you are feeling it?
  3. What’s taking place?
  4. Where you are heading next?

Sounds like a lot, but you can very quickly figure things out if you really focus on getting answers. Use your sixth sense (everyone has it, you just have to listen) to guide you to a better life.

Life has its own ebb and flow that if you pay real close attention to, will serve you well. Go against it and you’ll be fighting the change you actually want for much longer and a whole lot harder.

Even if its not clear to you now, it will be over time, flow with it.

Trust it, trust yourself.

Goodnight xo

Major Key Alert

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I am constantly reminded that a major key to success is consistency. Even when you get the thing you have worked for, you have to maintain it and maintaining it requires consistent action.  Relationships, money, career, health, home, everything needs to be maintained and in some cases improved upon by consistent effort. It will be near impossible to sustain something if the energy you devote to it is every once in while.

10% effort means 10% results, in fact that’s a lie, what you will most likely get is less than 10% results.  Your output has to be greater than what you want. So if you want 100% results then you must put in 130% (not an accurate figure) consistently and this applies to absolutely everything, especially when you are just starting out.

Now, I have to be honest or I should say realistic, it may take months, years even before you start to see the fruits of your labour and you have to be okay with that. You will sometimes feel like giving up but you owe it to yourself to see things through. Trust me, those steps that you take repeatedly that feel and look like nothing to you, will one day materialise into something worthwhile.

No one who has attained great success in anything did it once. Your fav spent YEARS investing in themselves for you to see them as they are, so hold tight, keep working and when the time is ripe, it will happen.

W(ait)ork for it.

Xo

P.s This post is more for me than it is for you. I have work to do…ugh.

In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide a certain quality of life the more you have of it. At least that is the belief.

I like to learn from others and I spend a lot of time studying people so as to not make the same mistakes they’ve made or better still to emulate their successes.

Amongst the people I have paid close attention to, some of which are extremely accomplished, there seems to be a reoccurring theme that they all speak of. Their successes are not an immediate solution to unhappiness. It is not a master key and it certainly doesn’t unlock a lifetime’s supply continuous joy and contentment.

Just so you get the gist of what I am talking about, please have a watch of this video before you read on https://www.youtube.com com /watch?v=zYDKCx4hSQQ.

We think reaching our goals will bring us everything we have ever wanted (not so, as there’ll be the next thing to obtain), but in all honesty it may just provide temporary satisfaction because our happiness isn’t supposed to be incumbent on the things we acquire or even upon people. It is and always has been an inside job.

Now by no means am I advocating that you give up on your dreams and settle for whatever comes your way, what I am imploring however is a need to check in with yourself and evaluate your life. Be a free thinker, decide what is best for you void of external factors and stimulants and choose to BE happy.

The video below, sums up a few of my thoughts on happiness and achieving it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDQRYbINeNM . I hope it enlightens you.

…And whatever you do, have a wonderful time doing it!

Xo

Have You Done It Yet?

Featured

Tags

, , , , ,

A couple of days ago, my mind wondered back to being a child and what made things so much simpler.

I thought about all the things I had achieved then both great and small and one thing that I remember not doing is thinking. I just did.

I didn’t think about whether or not I’ll be good at cartwheels, I just did it until I was.

I didn’t think about whether or not I was a good reader, my hand shot up when asked for a volunteer and over time I got better.

I didn’t think about if I’d be good at 100m, I just ran on the tracks until I was faster.

I didn’t think I was stupid, I just applied myself until I improved.

As children (preteens, because teenagers are hormonal aka crazy) we didn’t sit there and ruminate over all the things that could go wrong like we do now. We spent more time doing things, getting it wrong and doing it again until we got it right or became better.

Which brings me to my point, many of us cancel on a dream without having attempted it. Did you hear me? Without having attempted it.

One more time for effect…

Without

Having

Attempted

It!

Do you know how crazy that is? You haven’t tried it, but you have convinced yourself it won’t work. Maybe in your case it’s that you are doing ‘things’ but the truth is you don’t really believe it will happen so you half arse it.

You miss 100% of shots that you don’t take and you can’t half arse anything!

And yes I’m absolutely guilty of this.

We need to revert back to that childlike attitude or better still evolve into mind-set that removes limitations.

So before you go cancelling on your dreams that you’ve not even worked on yet or doubting them, do it and keep doing it again and again and again and again.

The success I have experienced didn’t magically appear, it came from taking repeated action. I had to do the work, there’s absolutely no other way around it than to do it.

Humour me, the next thing your mind thinks of doing, use the immediate 5 minutes that follows to put something into action. Its harder to stop something you have already started…right?

Xo

They Don’t Support Me

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

First off, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever read, commented, shared, messaged me about my posts, I don’t think I have ever really shown gratitude but I am truly grateful!

I just came across a post of someone laminating about having fake friends, the lack of support and how much they do for others but it’s not reciprocated blah blah blah. Sorry, that’s life. We’re all guilty.

My flesh and blood till date still don’t get the name of blog/company right never mind having read any of my 100+ posts and likewise I am sure there are bunch of things I don’t show my family enough gratitude for.

We don’t always get an equal return on our investment. Could you ever come close to repaying back your mother? I think not.

It’s not your business to pay attention to those that are not interested, your duty is to pay attention to those that ARE vested in you.

For whatever reason we have been wired to focus on all the negatives. We shouldn’t, especially when we are inundated with so many positives.

So what one person didn’t show up to your birthday? There were 10 others that did. Only 5 people liked your blog post, that’s 5 more people than 0. You missed your bus to get to work, at least you have a job to go to, someone else is searching for one as we speak and has bills coming out of their crack and no immediate means to take care of them. You missed an audition, okay are there not others? No matter the circumstance, there are positives, you just have to look for them and FOCUS on that instead.

Would you believe I had a car accident over the weekend worse than the one I had a few weeks ago. Yes you read right a few weeks ago. Talk about a tough break. Was I out of sorts for a couple of days? Sure I was. But guess what? I am alive as is the other driver. It could have been so different, my last blog post could have been the last one forever.

Whatever you focus on EXPANDS. You zone in on the negatives, surprise surprise more negative things come your way. Do the opposite and the same will follow suit.

Take your mind off the things that didn’t work, the people that do not support you, the plans that failed to launch, and look for the positives in all situations.

Love on those that love on you. Show gratitude to those that are there for you and do support you . Appreciate the things you do have and you’ll see that there will be more of these things.

Shift your focus, life is much better that way.

Xo

Say No to Yes People

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I was rereading my last post and thinking about the kind of people I have around me.  Although I love them dearly, I noticed that there are some that will feed into my plight rather than snap me out of it and that is dangerous.

For example, you’ve had a bad day and you call your friend to moan. What then followed were exchanges of experiences and a reinforcement of how ‘right’ you are to feel crap. When you get off the call, do you feel better? Typically no and if you do, it’s likely to be temporary.

Sure, there are times that you just need to vent and get things off your chest but whoever you go to must be someone of sound reasoning and mind.

Say no to people who unfailingly reaffirm your shitty feelings, to people who are not able to gently correct you, to people who mollycoddle you into believing you’re always right, to people who agree with everything you say, to people who do not have a healthy positive outlook on life. Those people have a greater influence on your life than you know and faith comes by hearing, so the more you hear the wrong type of things, the more you believe in it, make sense?

To put it simply, in times of stress and frustration, do not go to the constantly stressed and frustrated.

Xo

P.s Have a great week ahead!

Don’t Sleep on Yourself

Featured

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was looking through Instagram as you do and I came across the fabulous shoe designer Monika Chaing. After browsing through a few of her pictures, I was transported back to 2010 when I had aspirations of creating a shoe line that would represent all the different sides of me-I love shoes!

That same year I was at a club with Jon B (yes the Jon B) and he commented on how he loved my shoes and that his wife would love them too.  A tiny piece of me died inside, talk about missed opportunity. The shoes I was wearing at the time were not my own design, there were a pair of Kurt Geiger shoes, but just imagine if they were? Ugh.

Thing is I had been working on the shoe line but was yet to have a product in my hand. I thought to myself if only I had a little bit more time I could have passed on my details and the rest would have been history.

Needless to say that over time I became weary and stopped trying.

Looking through Monika Chaing’s feed reminded me of that and all the other ideas (there have been many) that I had started, made progress on and then shortly gave up on. Where would they have been now if I persisted? What could I have created within the last 10 years if I had stuck through all the obstacles that I would have faced? I don’t even want to think about it, but I do know there’s a high chance I wouldn’t be sitting behind my work desk typing this.

What I hadn’t realised at the time was that dreams do not manifest overnight. They are like babies, they have to be nurtured and attended to constantly. Did you hear me? Constantly!

Now I’m not about to be all self-deprecating after all I have blogged for 3 years and that for me is an accomplishment!

Do something now that your future self will thank you for. It could be in any area of your life, great or small. Start and persist with it and remember Rome was not built in a day.

You owe it to yourself to live out your dreams to the fullest.

Xo