Gratitude

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Can you see the heart shape?

This week has been…*deep exhale*
In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly.
Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm.
We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given.

It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there.
I went downstairs and made a cup of chamomile tea.
Embracing the warmth pulsating through my hands, I took a cautious sip and followed the liquid as it travelled down. The heat inflamed my chest. 
What a beautiful feeling. To be alive. To experience. To feel. To be present.

Write down what you are thankful for, so you can visually see all your riches.
These are some of mine in no particular order.

Thankful to be healthy 
Thankful for my family 
Thankful for my brilliant mind 
Thankful for the wisdom instilled in me 
Thankful for a roof over my head 
Thankful for my partner 
Thankful for my friends 
Thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful that I can cook 
Thankful that I can eat what I choose to eat
Thankful that I can give 
Thankful for my vision 
Thankful for all my senses that work together beautifully 
Thankful for my bed and electric blanket
Thankful for my creativity 
Thankful for this blog
Thankful for the ability to write 
Thankful for the money that I have 
Thankful that I am always provided for 
Thankful for my intuition 
Thankful for discernment

Thankful for music
Thankful that things easily work out for me
Thankful for stillness in the midst of chaos 


With everything shifting and things disintegrating around us, I still have so much to be grateful for. I’m sure you do too. Let’s focus on that, and savour the small, almost indistinguishable moments, as those are the things that affirm our lives.

I wish you all an uplifting, rejuvenating & loving weekend

Xo

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The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

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Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

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In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

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First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

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The Gardener & Bouncer

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The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway.

What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device.
What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped in and now become a belief, that once upon a time you were vehemently against? What informs you everyday?…

You can’t let anything or anyone run up in your mind causing chaos and destruction. You have to be the bouncer at your minds gate.
You of age? You got ID? You in the dress code? You got the proper shoes on? You got the entry fee? Who are you here with? You got any sharp and dangerous objects on you?
You have to strip search everything! Be shrewd, cutthroat even, because any untoward thought can cause havoc immediately and over a period of time.
If what comes to you doesn’t serve you positively, then sorry Miss, Sir, NO ENTRY! BOUNCE!


A well cultivated, irrigated and pruned mind is a daily job, that only occurs from continuous introspection and self-awareness.
If you give in to something that is vibrating at a much lower frequency than what you want, acknowledge it, and then choose differently–Prune those weeds and plant a few good seeds instead.
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. It takes time to consciously choose what thoughts to nurture, and what to filter out, so give yourself grace and be patient, but don’t give up.

Xo

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Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

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2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots, not a global virus, worldwide lockdown and quarantine. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

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Good Choices

What choices have you made was a question I was asked today. I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite. I …

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Nothing Was The Same

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20/06/2020

Nothing was the same.

Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before.
And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch.

We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from tectonic plate shifting moments in history, such as this.

Conspire with life. Form an alliance that you will do your best, and it will do the same to support you and your endeavours.
The dawn of a new era is upon us, and the ground is fertile.

Are you up for the task?

Xo

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Tier Me To Pieces

Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?  Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.I’m convinced Boris …

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Yours or Mine?

Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you?  Are you sure?  Are YOU sure? Just checking.  I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d …

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A Little Joy

I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!? Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As …

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In My Feelings

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I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. 
Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it…

Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have done for over a decade.
It’s the not the mode of transportation that’s nerve-wracking. It’s the mandatory, and sometimes very unnecessary red tape that has me feeling out of sorts. 

I was on my way back into London from France, and needless to say things have changed. 
I can’t queue up with my European mates anymore. I don’t belong and it’s a sad sad affair.

The process made me feel like an other, and I, like most people, do not like to feel like an other.
That, along with other new procedures and the Edna doppelganger cutting one of my cherished pieces of jewelry to smithereens made the journey unpleasant.
Welcome to post-brexit. 

I couldn’t ‘hummm’ or ‘kumbaya my lord’ out of this one and that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset as long as you don’t do anything irresponsible or regrettable. 

Anyway what’s my point? My point is I’m human and have off days, low moments and stressful periods, and experiencing these things, even for extended periods of time is perfectly normal. 
I’ll say it again, is perfectly normal. 

In such times, and you’ve probably not heard this enough, refrain from self flagellation of any kind.
Instead, feel the feels and let it pass through. Don’t suppress it, because you’re not a stuffed teddy void of emotions, you’re human and all feelings are a natural part of being alive.

For whatever reason, society has only made “good” emotions permissible. The rest is shunned and considered abominable.
No wonder we’re perpetually miserable! We’ve been repressed since we were children, and told that it’s not okay to cry, or to be angry, or to be jealous or whatever other emotion is considered unacceptable. As a consequence, these suppressed emotions sometimes manifest itself through our bodies in the form of (a) dis-ease.

Yin and yang - Wikipedia

The irony is, those taboo emotions are part of the Yin and Yang, and a pendulum swings both ways for a reason; balance.

So if you are angry, be angry, if you are hurt, be hurt, if you are sad, be sad. The only caveat with this, is to not act in a way that is detrimental to you or others.
Let your emotions exist without judgment. By doing this is how you begin to exercise mastery over self. You gain a better understanding of who you are and what belongs to you, and over time and with practice, you can observe the emotions and consciously choose what you do next…it will be your superpower.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.

Oscar Wilde

Xo 

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Transitions

I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish. My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day. It’s fortuitous as our friends …

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Advocate For Yourself

I have a picture frame on my chest of drawers, and when I feel like it I change the picture to suit my mood. This time around I chose a baby picture of myself, and what I saw was my zest for life, excitement and innocence. I was full of promise. I also saw a …

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The Ground Is Fertile

The ground is fertile. Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals. All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s …

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A Whole New World

As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up.  I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the …

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First of the First.

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Meet Perfect Pattie, our plants name 🙂

01.01.2021.
There is something satisfying about this date.
It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.
Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened.
It’s in the past.
So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your life, just as you like it.
Carpe Diem!
Xo

LATEST POSTS

Tenets

A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind. I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.I gave her my most …

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Death, Loss, A Gift?

We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.We’re merely passing through.  Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift.  4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as …

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Truth Hurts

I came across this post two days ago by Monika A Mazur, and felt attacked by it.  Can’t complain about results you don’t have for work you didn’t do. It convicted me, and reiterated that doing the work isn’t a part-time gig. Enjoy your weekend, but next week, we’re going to be on job! Xo

Today Is A Good Day To…

You see the nice clothes in your wardrobe that you are saving for a ‘moment’ in your life? Wear it, because being alive is THE moment. The business you’re waiting for the right time to start because money, resources, and support isn’t there yet, sis, sir, those things will come, but you have to make …

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2021.

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Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.

When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots, not a global virus, worldwide lockdown and quarantine. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.

We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.

Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.

I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.

As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox


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Words are Genies.

Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect. At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to …

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A Long Walk

I have written some of these sentences multiple times, willing words to automatically materialise. It didn’t. At least not with ease. Words still escape me.  This year The past few months The last three weeks have been worse than a Nightmare on Elm Street. When I said I could feel my second wind coming, I …

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When Life Stopped

Fam. -Usually precedes the beginning of a wild, terrible, crazy, unbelievable story. If you have been able to do something, anything, during this time, kudos to you. If you haven’t because life stopped, dropped, rolled (a euphemism for shit blew up), kudos to you too. In both scenarios, you are doing what is best for …

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New Normal

      In this new normal that the world is currently living in, something to remember as we connect more with ourselves, with others, and possibly blasts from the past is this: Words deceive, patterns do not. Look alive (Also stay alive). xo

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

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On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

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Rest

Well that went left very quickly. 2019 was what I considered to be the year of the purge. It felt like we were going through a spiritual and physical transformation in preparation for the new decade, and I accepted that, however, I don’t think whatever that period was meant to teach us stuck, so here …

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A Will, A Way.

I have been willing myself to complete a post for weeks now to no avail. Five different topics with a beginning, a middle and no end. Huff. As I finished writing that last sentence, a thought came to me to just post one as is, and that’s what I’m going to do. Too often we …

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Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason, life goes on. No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on. It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by something, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the …

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2019, Bye. 2020, Hello.

I am ready for the New Year and what it may bring however, there is a one thing I think we all should do. It is only right that as we enter into the year 2020 that we get clarity as where there is no vision, the people perish.  Get clear on the things you …

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Good Choices

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What choices have you made was a question I was asked today.

I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. 
My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite.

I chose instead to write down the choices I made that worked out well, the decisions that turned into something marvellous; lifelong friendships, priceless moments, great financial gains, seeing the world, dedication to handling my business and therefore having peace of mind, being responsible, working smarter and much more. 
And as I did so, my trust in my abilities increased. I felt more empowered and actually, I do make f*cking great decisions. The list is proof of that. 

We don’t talk up enough our great commitments and how exceptional we’ve been due to what we did, and it’s high time we start. 

Spend 5 minutes listing the choices you made, be it big or small, that paid off or flourished or gave you an unforgettable gift.
Relish in what you come up with and commend yourself for being a remarkable human. 

Xo

What 2009-2019 Taught Me.

Before you receive an onslaught of all the decade stuff, I thought I’d quickly slide mine in there and share some of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years. I started this decade as a 22 year old, who didn’t know shit, still doesn’t, ha! Anyway, without further ado, here they are: Love …

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Finishing Strong

***Updated*** Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what have achieved and what we haven’t. We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2020’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2020 be any different if you’re …

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One At A Time

  I really hope this post meets you well. Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild. 2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, …

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Tier Me To Pieces

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Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office? 

Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.
I’m convinced Boris hates his constituents. 
Everything, is too little, too late.

I understand that this is brand new for all of us, including the government. The difference however, is that they have access to experts in every field to guide them on how to best manage the pandemic and people, along with their expectations, well-being, and livelihoods.
Also, we’re all privy to seeing how other countries have dealt with efficacy. For goodness sake, take notes!

Clear messaging creates clear expectation, which avoids disappointment.

We all hate what this pandemic has done, but it’s the management of it all that’s one of most challenging things about it. 

The messaging has been unclear, impractical, and simply cannot be trusted. 
The ping ponging of our physical, emotional and mental well-being is what is taking a huge toll on everyone. Its our lives in the balance— double entendre intended.

I watched this video a little while back (see below) and this principle, is one way to effectively manage things in difficult and unprecedented times.

If anyone knows the PM, please direct him to this post.
Thanks, management.

That’s my little rant over. Back to us.

For us as individuals, we have a responsibility to ourselves. We cannot afford to rely on the elected to make decisions that support us.
So in this transformational period, pivot.
This has been my saving grace. When plans do not work out, I work with what’s working, I look at the alternatives, I face what’s immediately in front of me not months ahead, I control what I can control, and leave the rest.
Standing in one spot and allowing life to happen to us in every aspect is only going to pull us further and further away from our nirvana.

Shift your focus and pool your energy into a penetrable cause. Think of yourself as an athlete, say a tennis or basketball player or even a footballer. Consider how they constantly look for the opportunity to win. That’s what we can do too, win.
N.B Everyone’s winning is different.

…And I have every faith that as resilient and buoyant people, we will recover, like always.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Take A Picture

It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished. There’s a great way to address that, document it. I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but …

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Something’s Afoot.

I don’t know how its been for you (I hope great), but the first 6 months of this year for myself and many others that I know, was rough, still is. From deaths, loss of jobs, work issues, financial hardship, strained relationships, the list goes on. It’s been too strange, too common, too frequent, too harsh. …

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Trust the Process

My three biggest takeaways so far for 2019 are patience, trust and humility. I have had to exercise these qualities in various amounts, sometimes all at the same time. It is testing, but growing. Growing. I wonder if people understood what it meant, whether they’d still want to grow? We say it all the time, …

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Seasons

The weather in London has been amazing! But if you’re from here, you know all too well how fleeting it is, and how eager we all are to enjoy it whilst it’s here. Seasons. We might not like them but we need them, whether we recognise it or not. Everything has its time. A time …

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Yours or Mine?

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Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you? 

Are you sure? 

Are YOU sure?

Just checking. 

I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively. 
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.

Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it. 
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.

I want my own business- do you really? 

I want a huge wedding- do you really?

I want to be a billionaire- do you really? 

I want this body type- do you really? 

I want to be famous- do you really?

How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?

One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up. 
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.

But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.

Bisou xo 

LATEST POSTS

Magic? No, Work.

‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t. As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost. I also know …

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Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing. I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it. Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says …

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Through Thick and Thin

*Deeply exhales* I was rebelling. I didn’t want to write on here anymore, it didn’t make sense to and the purpose of it all had significantly dwindled. Who’s reading anyway? (Says my ego). But, it’s 5am in the morning and I’m meditating with rain music and something pushed me to read my old posts and …

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A Blessing or a Curse?

It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you. Last week was rough for many people …

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A Little Joy

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I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?

Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!

This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.

Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.

We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.

That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?

Before

A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)

Christmas Decorations
After

The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!

My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
xo

This is it currently 🙂

LATEST POSTS

I Could, I Should, I Might?

I have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better. Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out. I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple …

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Personal Enemy No 1…You.

  Self-sabotage. What a bitch. We’ve all done/do it and probably have experienced how difficult it is to unearth the habits that cause you to trip up and repeat stifling behaviours. Truthfully, it’s a scary thing to change your ways, as doing so requires you to push past who you currently are to be someone …

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I Chose This Life

  A few years ago I was knocking on doors, trying to find the person who owned the car that had scratched mine. One person opened their door and instead of paying attention to what he was saying, I was peering into his home as I couldn’t help but notice how different it was. It …

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Can You Focus On…Me?

It’s the 17th January (already?!) and dare I ask, how is it going? For some of the people I know it’s been, a bit, bluregh. And a bit bluregh is never a good way to feel. Maybe it’s the January blues or in London the gloomy weather? Whatever it is, as with most things, it’ll …

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20 Things to Know In Your 20’s – Part 2 (Reposted)

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My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.

For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.

“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch, but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had.
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom.
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on.
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich your life.
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline, otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better.

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo”

LATEST POSTS

Happy New Year!

I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and also this: May this new year be better than the last in every way  May this new year be filled with a thousand reasons to celebrate  May this new year make all your previous efforts worth it May this new year cause you to create …

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Lone Ranger

My siblings and I were talking about favourites with our parents and we joked that I was the black sheep as I didn’t have a parent that I favoured. That statement didn’t surprise me at all. I seldom did things the way others did and this made me stand out like a sore thumb.  For …

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First Impressions

Since being away I have been plagued with the tales that I have heard about this country as a child. Sometimes I’m uneasy because of it. I have lived here and loved it but that part, that part never went away. I can’t seem to shake of those stories that I heard and watched on …

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If Only You Loved Yourself

Works like a charm. Every time I openly confess my feelings about something, freedom follows. Give it a go, release your feelings and it need not be public but it must be seen by you. When you release the feelings, it no longer owns you and keeps you captive.  Back to today’s post. It’s so …

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Transitions

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I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish.
My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day.
It’s fortuitous as our friends stateside near the end of the presidential election, and my family and friends in England are preparing for a lockdown and I, well, I’m already in a lockdown in France. It’s all systems go and transitions of all sorts are afoot. 

Transitions can be ugly, messy and traumatic. Even the beautiful and welcomed ones can still be difficult and sad.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re all experiencing a transition period of varying degrees, consisting of upheavals, rapid change, deep losses and lots of growing pains.

Naturally, there’ll be emotions that come up as you go through this phase, but don’t dismiss or suppress them as they surface. Allow them to breathe and work through them.
By doing this, you’re clearing the way and getting rid of the gunk in a healthier fashion and in turn making space to think clearly, and direct your energy where you truly want it.

Trust me, I get it. There is so much going on and it’s challenging to sift out what is for you and useful, and what isn’t.
With this in mind, what has become increasingly clear over the past few months is the power of words. And in this era of instant send and receive, it is crucial to own and use language that is not only yours, but in cultivating the circumstances you want to bring to life.
So be intentional. Create a haven for yourself with whatever you have. Envision something greater and keep going—You’ve made it this far, you’ll get through this too!

Xo

P.s I am still not entirely pleased with this post. The words just lack synergy, it feels gritty, but the aim is progress, not perfection.

LATEST POSTS

Trials

Whew it’s been a minute. It’s not that I haven’t thought about you, I have. I think about you often and want to write. I pick up my phone, open notes and nothing. Stringing a sentence together has felt like pulling teeth and if I am honest I simply haven’t felt like it. I know …

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Drop the Weight.

You know what that weight is…it’s the thing you use as an excuse for your lack thereof or mediocrity. You hold onto it as it makes you feel justified; family, friends, job, money, resources, pretty much anything can sound like a valid reason to not have or do something. But what you don’t realise, is …

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On Your Team

In case no one has told you this recently, I’m on your team! I have many interests that I’d love to explore and maybe share, however I have chosen to use my blog for its current purpose, because I have on many occasions needed a ‘me’. And by that I mean someone who can be …

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Fumbling in the Dark

Remember when you were a kid and you for the first time, entered a room you’d never been in. It was pitch black and although there was no real reason to be scared, you still were. You don’t know where the light switch is, and you can hear your heart beating out of your chest. …

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Advocate For Yourself

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I have a picture frame on my chest of drawers, and when I feel like it I change the picture to suit my mood.
This time around I chose a baby picture of myself, and what I saw was my zest for life, excitement and innocence. I was full of promise.
I also saw a little girl that over the years was unprotected, not well supported, disappointed and sad. Perpetually sad.

In that moment I decided that whilst others may not have taken up for me as a child, because of their own things and not having the best tools, I, will take up for me.
I am not child anymore, and although she (I) still needs nurturing, I am now better equipped to give myself the care, support, and gentleness that I need(ed), and advocate for myself.

What does advocating look like for me currently? Advocating for myself is investing in therapy for 3+ years and counting, setting and maintaining boundaries, changing my environment, starting all over again, doing things that bring me joy, shedding old ways, thinking for myself and doing what I want to do, not what society, or family, or friends think I should do, guarding my heart and all my senses, and much much more.

We no longer have to wait for a Knight or Dame in shining armour. The person you have been waiting for is you.
So how will you advocate for yourself?
The beauty of it is, you get to decide how it happens.

Unlearning and learning the things that edify you is never easy and is seldom straightforward, but commit to the process and to designing a life that you not only love, but are proud of.
And as you consider how you will support yourself, the compassion, grace, and care that you often extend to others, gather those things and give it to yourself.

Xo

The Ground Is Fertile

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The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

Latest Posts

Rejected…again?

I don’t know whether there are people who are unaffected by rejection and if they exist someone point them my way, I need some tips. I think most would agree that being rejected once, sucks, but multiple times? Its the worst. And yet it’s inevitable, we cannot escape it no matter who we are or …

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I Wish It Wasn’t So

The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. My friend passed away suddenly and it is the most painful experience of my adulthood. I am not ready to start losing friends yet, we’re in our early 30’s, you die of old age not abruptly. Franklin was the sweetest, gentlest and caring person and …

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Ask the Right Questions

A few friends of mine would make fun of me saying I asked too many questions.  ‘Questionnaire’ is what they’d call me. I don’t always need to have the full information but enough for me make an informed decision; after all my brain works, why should I leave all the decision making to someone else …

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Am I Qualified?

Ever had a new goal that you were super excited about? You’re filled with the possibilities of what achieving this goal will do for you and you cannot wait to get started. You plan and establish the actions you need to take and then unexpectedly your insecurities surface. What if I’m not qualified? Who said …

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A Whole New World

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As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up. 

I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the director to shout ‘cut’ to end scene, as surely this cannot be real life?! 

It caused me to think of my childhood, and how I was conditioned to believe that ‘grown ups’ were all knowing and made sound decisions. Ha!
Of course that isn’t entirely true, and truthfully it’s unnerving, because who do you trust? Who can you rely on to make decisions that have your best interests at heart? Decisions that will impact your future and other generations?
Those that we have elected intentionally or not, are simply not connected to the issues that affect a majority.

With that said, we cannot afford to give all the power to people evidently ill-equipped. It is up to us to design a life that works best, despite the recession, pandemic, Brexit, questionable leadership, and myriad of other things.

This might mean changing your lifestyle, moving cities, taking up causes, career changes, retraining or doubling down on the vision you have for your future.
And no, you cannot half-heartedly do it. There can be no dipping of toes into water, or observing others go for it, looking for evidence in their moves as to why perhaps you shouldn’t.
You, must pursue your dreams, with reckless abandon.

A whole new world (a whole new world)
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us, “No”
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

Xo

Latest Posts

Gratitude

Wait till it’s taken away from you, maybe you’ll remember to be grateful for what you have in future. It’s so easily done isn’t it? Things are good, every area of your life is booming as you’ve always wanted, ‘you’ve got it like that’…until you don’t, and all hell breaks loose. Part of the pain …

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Chasing Waterfalls

TLC said it best. It can be a difficult pill to swallow when you’re in pursuit of something that doesn’t want you back. No matter how much you do it simply does not want to materialise or work out how you’ve envisioned. In that there’s a lesson; don’t force it, let it go. It means …

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Thoughts Become Things

My contract is ending soon. The nature of the job means expecting it to terminate at any moment. I know this and had been mentally preparing myself for what could happen next. Out of nowhere I started to think about finances, could I manage if I didn’t get another contract for a little while? Will …

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Don’t Forget to Exhale 

Hey. Psst. Don’t run off to start your weekend just yet, read me, it’ll only take a couple of minutes. I love a Friday night just like anyone else except I prefer to stay in to unwind and decompress. If you’re a Londoner like me or live in a city where the pace is fast, …

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Tenets

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A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.

I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.

  1. No, your idea is not stupid. Run with it. The journey from inception to fruition might be a jog, sprint, or marathon, whatever it may be, just start! It doesn’t matter what it looks like, if there are errors or if it’s not exactly how you envisioned it, put ALL of that aside and start with what you have. And yes, you might be the only one who believes in it, still do it!
  2. The best way to get better is to ‘do’. Do more, and that means practice, practice, practice! Practice precedes progress and improvement. Practice well.
  3. Consistency. This one will make or break what you do. Do not underestimate it at all. Your work and purpose depends on it. It won’t be like that forever, but at the beginning and perhaps for a (very) long time, make consistency your goal. Think of anyone you consider to be successful, were they an overnight success? Absolutely not. It was consistency, trial and error and patience.

The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.

Xo

Latest Posts

As If By Magic

On Monday I asked you to get imaginative, write it down, make it plain and then dispose of it somewhere. Did you do it? Tut, the insolence! I should turn you all into salt, well if I could and maybe if I was God or Medusa but I’m not, so, erm, anyway…There are many different beliefs …

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Make Believe

Welcome to class folks. Today’s assignment is to make believe again.  As kids we were encouraged to write stories, be creative and imagine, fast forward to being adults its “be serious, stop fooling around, you’re not a kid anymore”. Huh? How? Why? Make believe is in my opinion a very necessary part of creating life itself. …

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Why I’m No Longer Sharing

From this day forward I am no sharing with friends. Whenever I find out something new, useful or potentially life changing, I am quick to share it with the people close to me. I want them to do good too, I want them to know what’s possible, I want them to believe in themselves more. …

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Pursue Your Goals

I went running on Tuesday I nearly died Bye. Just kidding. About the bye that is, not about the dying because I honestly feel like every week I’m close to saying ‘God is that you?’ after a training session. It’s brutal.     Here’s another confession: I’m shit at running No, sorry, slow at running …

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Death, Loss, A Gift?

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We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.
We’re merely passing through. 

Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift. 

4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as long as we did? To do all that he did?
A gift 🎁

My friend Franklin ascended 4 months after diagnosis. And whilst his life was even more brief in years, I still feel very grateful to have known him. 
A gift 🎁 

God could have called them home a lot sooner. 

We do not determine when we will leave, so with what you have, make sure when it’s time to go, you’re empty.
Franklin gave me his belief in me and constant support. 
Chadwick gave us a piece of history, and a reconciling of who we are, not just in Black Panther, but in his life’s work. 

Be a gift, leave a legacy.
🎁

May they and those who have left this earth, rest in perfect peace.

Xo

 

Truth Hurts

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I came across this post two days ago by Monika A Mazur, and felt attacked by it. 

Can’t complain about results you don’t have for work you didn’t do.


It convicted me, and reiterated that doing the work isn’t a part-time gig.

Enjoy your weekend, but next week, we’re going to be on job!

Xo

Latest Posts

Bounce Back

If you have ever loved someone or something, there’s a high chance that you’ll experience a deep pain at some point. And when it happens, boy does it suck. Pain is one of the things you cannot avoid and yet is one of life’s best teachers. How do you bounce back from a painful experience? …

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Don’t Miss This Moment

Don’t you just love Sunday’s? I love them because I get to really relax, and the pace always seems slower so I enjoy things even more. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, speaking of which, how are you enjoying your Sunday? A lot of us spend way too much time looking forward to what’s …

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‘Bad Energy Stay Far Away’

🗣 It’s Friday, Whoomp there it is! When you think about it, it’s a terrible way to think about Friday, because what does that say about your life in general? Anyway we’re working on creating the life we want whilst appreciating the one we have aren’t we? The other day I spoke about disengaging and …

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A Little Me Time

Recently I have felt like my interactions with those close to me have become a bit stale, and it seemed to have happened ever so rapidly. We’re just not gelling like we used to, and with life evolving so quickly, our paths are diverging in a way that’s challenging and causing me to really reassess …

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Today Is A Good Day To…

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Yup. Got a piercing and went blonde.

You see the nice clothes in your wardrobe that you are saving for a ‘moment’ in your life? Wear it, because being alive is THE moment.

The business you’re waiting for the right time to start because money, resources, and support isn’t there yet, sis, sir, those things will come, but you have to make the first move.

The relationship you’re afraid of committing to because of the hurt you’ve experienced in the past (emphasis on ‘in the past’), well, it is time to move on. I mean hello?! Life is short! Live a little lot.

The house you want that you’ve considered a fantasy, man make the call, find out what you need to do, arrange a virtual tour, hire a financial adviser, speak to the bank, yes now, even in these uncertain times, because eventually the tide will change and you will be ready.

The life you have dreamt of creating in a new country but now seems impossible, do not abandon the dream! Get online, research, apply for the visa, YouTube is your friend and go for it!

The body that you want, first of all, love yours and then make adjustments. You cannot truly have what you do not first feel, no matter any physical alterations you may make.

During this wild ride of 2020, I have seen people buy homes, move across the world to start a life with their fiancé, get married, secure new jobs, make the most amount of money they have ever made, sell out of products multiple times over, you name it, its happening. And it could be happening for you. 

There will always be ‘something’ and or a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, the good thing is, you only need one reason why you should.
Take that leap, or at least hop.

Xo

P.s I have exciting news to announce soon. You’ll be hearing my voice, wherever you are in the world eek! From pen pals to ASMR. Can’t wait!

Latest Posts

90 Days

Pinch Punch its the First of the Month! Can you believe it’s October already? How?? It must be a getting older thing, because I don’t remember time flying by like this when I was a child, but then again what did I know? With that being said, what’s the plan for the rest of the …

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This Is the Life We Spoke Of

This is the life we spoke of. Don’t believe me? How many times have you said I’m broke? How many times have you said I hate my job? How many times have you said My life is shit? How many times have you said No one loves me? How many times have you said I’ll never …

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Born With It

A blog post could take me a day or two, maybe more before I actually post it. I’ll fuss over the details like ‘does it make sense? Am I chatting shit? Will a reader relate? For flip sake I missed a word, this doesn’t flow…’ and the conversation continues. It’s annoying. Honestly. But that’s the …

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Life On Your Terms

Good morning! I really hope you’re doing well. I wanted to drop a quick note and ask a question: are you living life on your own terms? To elaborate a little more, is the life you’re living yours by design or other peoples design? And really think about that answer. Over the past few months, …

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Words are Genies.

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Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect.

At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to complete all the things I set out to (because regular procrastinator/perfectionist here).
I say courage, because sometimes I often experience fear, and to overcome fear, is to do the thing, and to do the thing, courage is needed.

As I uttered the word courage, I had break in thought, ‘Are you sure you want courage?’.
I paused. ‘Yes, courage is what I want’.

My prayer was interrupted by that thought because history has shown me that what you want, will often challenge you, and you might not like what you have to do to get there.

I eventually fall asleep and wake up a few hours later.
I express my gratitude that I, my family and friends are alive and well and start my day.

As my coffee brews, I make a chocolate and peanut butter sandwich (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Then out of nowhere, my mood took a nose dive.

The more I thought about all the things I planned to do, the deeper the desire to do nothing became. I only wanted to lie in bed in my birthday suit.

I messed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for courage? Maybe I should have asked for something else?
The feeling of inertia was getting stronger, and I knew I needed to shift gears and break the depressive grip forming.

A message from my fitness instructor/friend came through. My heart leapt for a joy a little, as I hoped the text would read that he’d have to cancel today’s zoom workout session. No such luck. He was just checking that we were good to go at 2:15pm.

Reluctantly I wrote ‘See you at 2:15pm’. I figured my mood might have picked up when it was time, but truthfully I did not want to see him or anyone at 2:15pm.

In the meantime, I attempted to pep talk myself. I half chuckled, half grimaced, because I knew asking for the courage to accomplish things this week could quite possibly give me the complete opposite feeling, meaning I’d really have to work for the courage. And that’s what happened.

2:15pm rolls around and you guessed it, I haven’t moved.

Me: We have to?

Him: Yes. Yes we do.

For ****sake!

Sluggishly, I put on my workout gear, grab my laptop, workout mat, water, fan, and head to the living room to begin this workout.

I did it. I completed the workout.
My form was off and I got tired very quickly, but I did it.

It might seem like a small feat, but dragging myself to work out, stopped the fall into a sunken place, and refocused my mind and energy towards being productive and ultimately where I wanted to be.

So what’s my point? Be mentally prepared for what you’re asking for, as it will come and if you’re not vigilant, you’ll let the opportunity pass you by because it’s “too hard”, “too long”, “too much”, “too right”.
It’ll be easy to want to give up, but rather than give up,  give in to it. Go with it, flow with it, work with it, but least of all reject it, because on the other side, is what you are looking for.

Xo

A Long Walk

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Oluwatoyin Salau, 19

I have written some of these sentences multiple times, willing words to automatically materialise. It didn’t. At least not with ease.

Words still escape me. 

This year

The past few months

The last three weeks have been worse than a Nightmare on Elm Street.

When I said I could feel my second wind coming, I didn’t know it meant getting the wind knocked completely out of me. 

Weary is an understatement.
Two weeks ago I cancelled my therapy session, too overwhelmed to articulate feelings. Where would I begin to discuss all the things I feel past, present, and future? 

I donate, I educate myself even more, I share amongst friends, I sign petitions, I pray, I resolve to do better for my community and future- a future that is so uncertain…and still, I cannot let up.

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Breonna Taylor, 26

If there is a rare of moment of joy, thoughts of George, Breonna, Belly, Ahmaud, Toyin, Shukri, Tony, Rashad, and so many treasured others lying in graves not planned for them, suddenly come to mind. Helplessness and grief follows. 

And every day there is someone else. Every day. 

What do we do?
We participate in changing and challenging the world to do and be better; one conversation, one action, one moment at a time.
What you do, can make a world of difference to what we, and our successors get to experience. Your contribution is vital and a key component to what happens next. No one is too small or big to do something.

 

MeliorismThe belief that the world can be made better by human effort.

We must elevate our thinking and actions past what we have done and know, and envision and work without relenting for something greater.
And in doing that, dispel stereotypes, bridge the inequality gap, use your privilege, interrupt and correct wrong doings, take a stand and speak up, educate yourself, be proactive & conscientious, and put your money where your mouth is. Lip service simply won’t do, only deeds.
Our lives depend on it.

 

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Shukri Abdi, 12

We have a long way to go, but we are on our way.
And I trust that you will do your part in creating histories to be proud of. 

xo

P.s I’ll be honest this post still feels all over the place, but better to speak than not to.

When Life Stopped

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Fam.
-Usually precedes the beginning of a wild, terrible, crazy, unbelievable story.

If you have been able to do something, anything, during this time, kudos to you.

If you haven’t because life stopped, dropped, rolled (a euphemism for shit blew up), kudos to you too.

In both scenarios, you are doing what is best for you.
There is no requirement to do or be anything other than what is good for you and yours, no matter what anyone else says.

As for me, I take each day as it comes, only making another move when needed, which is usually hour by hour, trusting that things will work out.

Having said that, I feel my second wind coming, and hopefully that means I will be here more often.

Until then, take very good care mes amis.

xo

Rest

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bb2e38e2-24fb-43d6-a9e6-9fcca9f55e49Well that went left very quickly.

2019 was what I considered to be the year of the purge. It felt like we were going through a spiritual and physical transformation in preparation for the new decade, and I accepted that, however, I don’t think whatever that period was meant to teach us stuck, so here we are.

The universe has given us a clear indication of what is necessary and we should take heed. We are being called to take the best care we’ve ever taken of ourselves, of others and the earth we live in. It is time to chill.

Granted, the world is in a frenzy, but you don’t have to be. This period, should you choose to see it this way, can be a beautiful opportunity for you to regenerate, to bond, to develop, and ultimately alter the way you see and do things going forward, for the better.

My belief, albeit contrary to what is currently happening, is that 2020 is going to be an incredible year, as we will become 10 times the person we were before, we just have to do our bit.

Naturally, as with most things and considering the circumstances, there will be loss, sacrifice, heartbreak and hard times, but it won’t last and we will get through it as best as we can, like we always do.

So stay indoors, keep healthy, take the necessary precautions, check on your loved ones and neighbours, help out wherever possible and rest.

xo

A Will, A Way.

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61e5e7a5-db4a-413c-90cf-3df76b6e053cI have been willing myself to complete a post for weeks now to no avail. Five different topics with a beginning, a middle and no end. Huff.

As I finished writing that last sentence, a thought came to me to just post one as is, and that’s what I’m going to do.

Too often we let perfectionism block and stop us from showing up, believing that we have to present a completely finished & polished product, and truthfully we don’t. What’s much more revolutionary than that is being your authentic self and simply showing up the best way you know how, rough edges and all.

So here is one I started a month ago and haven’t edited or completed.  And maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

Remove and Replace

Whatever expectations you’ve had for your life for the last few years or decades, perhaps it’s time you let up and release them.

We can get so caught up in what we think it should be and forcefully try and make things happen, that we actually miss out on the opportunities right in front of us.

That doesn’t mean never getting the things you want, it’s more about adjusting your lens to capture what already exists and making it better.

I was having a conversation with a friend about life and its fragility and because of that, again I thought are can we really afford to get stuck on the things that haven’t worked? to hold grudges? to wallow in self-pity? to allow negativity?  Sure, its easier said than done. And yes it’s something to be practice and there is no time like the present.

So many of us give up on the first try, because we’re so stuck on how we envisioned it happening that we haven’t stopped to consider other options.”

Xo

Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

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FD2AAAED-849C-4C47-81E9-1FBB43B269C9Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason, life goes on.

No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on.

It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by something, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the show must go on.

In someone’s death, elsewhere there is birth

In someone’s heartache, elsewhere there is love

In someone’s downfall, elsewhere there is victory

In someone’s poverty, elsewhere there is wealth

In someone’s breakdown, elsewhere there’s a breakthrough.

People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives.

Life is all-encompassing and nothing stays the same forever.

We should take solace in knowing that life will continue with or without us and that is a beautiful thing just as it is tragic.

xo

2019, Bye. 2020, Hello.

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img_2519.jpgI am ready for the New Year and what it may bring however, there is a one thing I think we all should do.

It is only right that as we enter into the year 2020 that we get clarity as where there is no vision, the people perish. 

Get clear on the things you want for yourself in this coming year.  That’s it. That’s the (almost) final word for decade from me.

My final word, is an intention. My intention is that 2020 is phenomenal, prosperous, and full of positive manifestations for you all.

Happy New Year!!!

Irene Xo

 

 

What 2009-2019 Taught Me.

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Before you receive an onslaught of all the decade stuff, I thought I’d quickly slide mine in there and share some of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years.

I started this decade as a 22 year old, who didn’t know shit, still doesn’t, ha! Anyway, without further ado, here they are:

  1. Love can be simple and it can be complicated. It’s also not meant to be an exact replica of others, it should however, be and feel good.
  2. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, working on them/you does.
  3. Forgiveness is essential and not an option. Your health, relationships and life need it.
  4. It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.
  5. Take risks, especially the ones that make you want to vomit. You either love it or you’ll learn from it.
  6. Make your own rules. You’re the boss of your life.
  7. Speak up. Clear your throat, take a deep breath and say it. Not saying it, is costly.
  8. One size does not fit all. Your life is meant to be colourful and full of character (including characters). You’re breathing, so let it do it’s thing and go with the flow where you can.
  9. Let it all go. People, jobs, ideals.  Free yourself and be better.
  10. Give. To yourself first, then to others. That way you’ll always be at your best.
  11. There are upsides to every downside, there are downsides to every upside, and to experience anything good you have to embrace all of it

Bonus: We’re all just figuring it out. The above is what I’ve figured out so far and truthfully in the next year/decade it will change. That’s life.

What are some of the things you have learnt over the last decade?

xo

P.s If I don’t write to you before the new year, have a wonderful New Year! xo

One At A Time

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I really hope this post meets you well.

Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild.

2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, unplanned pregnancies, incarceration, losing friendships, losing loved ones to death, to name a few things- like I said, a roller coaster.  

I wonder if there is some sort of universal purge happening because we are entering into a new decade? What do you think?

Notwithstanding the party and bullsh*t that life can be, we still have to participate and how we do this, is entirely up to us.

Sure, we’re not in control of a lot of things, but the one of the things we can master is, ourselves. WE are huge contributors to our experiences.

With that said, I want you to think about ONE thing you want to accomplish before the 31st December 2019.

Just one. One, because when we attempt to juggle multiple things at a time the following occurs; very little gets done, you become overwhelmed with how much there is to do, causes frustration and worse than all of that, can make you stagnant.

Once you have decided what that is, close off or shut down anything that does not support the thing you are in the process of accomplishing. That might mean limiting the access others have to you, setting a timetable, changing your environment, exposing yourself to something different and so on.

Chances are, you already know what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it. Take heed to whatever messages you are receiving right now about your life, as its the very thing that will get you closer to where you want to be.

And if you don’t? Well you already know what life will look like because you are living it now. Do yourself one solid before the new year and surprise yourself.

With love, Irene x 

 

Take A Picture

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84e2fe7f-4a56-4acc-a517-f19b12b53042It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished.

There’s a great way to address that, document it.
I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but follow it for a moment.

At the beginning of 2018 my acne flared up terribly. I had just finished 3 chemical peels back to back, in a bid to clear up acne scarring, believing that as I approached my 30s everything would settle down. Not my skin and not my face. Rather than reveal new skin, my acne returned with a vengeance. My skin was not happy with the peels or me and it showed. I felt defeated again. Who wants to be dealing with acne at any age never mind at 30!

Up until that point, there existed NO pictures of my bare face. Not one. Not one since I was 17. Not on my personal phone, not even in a place where’d it be hidden, where only I would be privy to it. Not even after 2 rounds of roaccutane (which significantly improved my skin temporarily), numerous facials, topical treatments and so on. Never. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want proof of it anywhere, thinking that if I didn’t have to see it, it’ll piss off and never return somehow.  It can’t exist if I do not acknowledge it right? Well it didn’t piss off and it did exist.

For years I hated pictures and was always running from a camera and deleting pictures from other people phones. Even today, I’m still not all that enthusiastic about it, however I am MUCH better than I used to be.

Anyway, I’m not sure what possessed me this time around, but I decided I would take pictures of my bare skin in June 2018. It was bad, really bad.

No one ever believes how problematic and scarred my skin was, because I was an expert at disguising most of it. Those with acne prone skin usually are. Now I’d have proof to show people when they’d say ‘you’re skin isn’t bad’, erm yes it was, let’s call a spade a spade.
Truthfully though, I had no intentions of showing anyone and still don’t. I did however, want to see the changes that might happen.

I took action to repair my skin for the umpteenth time and gradually it improved, but I wanted more. I wanted my blemish free taunt skin that I had pre-acne, that was until I looked at the picture I took a year ago. I was astounded by the difference.

I immediately felt immense gratitude for how far I’d come and the progress I had made. I couldn’t actually believe this was what it used to look like. I looked in the mirror again and appreciated how much had changed.

Being able to look back and see the difference between then and now instantly shifted my perspective on how I saw things and increased my confidence. I give myself a little bit more love and a pat on the back for not giving up.

You should consider doing the same. Write down your feelings or take pictures of what you’re doing/working on now, and if you feel compelled to regarding that particular thing, continue to do so. Over time, you will notice the leaps and bounds that you will have made, if only you will not give up and keep going.

xo

P.s Perhaps I’ll share pictures another time, when I am ready and or feeling much much braver lol.

Something’s Afoot.

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I don’t know how its been for you (I hope great), but the first 6 months of this year for myself and many others that I know, was rough, still is.

From deaths, loss of jobs, work issues, financial hardship, strained relationships, the list goes on. It’s been too strange, too common, too frequent, too harsh. I started to think, is this a universal shift for a specific set of people? I wanted out. Knowing others were having a hard time too, did not alleviate the weight of struggle- misery in fact does not always love company.

Having said that, I believe another transition is upon us. A glow up of sorts. Something better than what was. Ms O(prah) said what happens to you is for you and that shift in perspective can empower you to think and act differently. Attempting to ignore or rush it, will not make things change quicker, let it breathe

As cliche as this is about to sound I wouldn’t be who I am When I think about some of the difficult times I’ve had, it always made me better, always. A better communicator, better skilled, more compassionate, more loving, more understanding, more forgiving, disciplined, smarter and much more. Did it feel like all these things at the time? Um **** no, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I have always gained more and become larger than before.

Let the growing pains work for you by allowing it the space to evolve and for you evolve with it, because what is coming is better than what is gone.

Irene xo

 

Trust the Process

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My three biggest takeaways so far for 2019 are patience, trust and humility. I have had to exercise these qualities in various amounts, sometimes all at the same time. It is testing, but growing.
Growing. I wonder if people understood what it meant, whether they’d still want to grow? We say it all the time, “I want to continuously grow and develop”, the reality of that is a lot different to those few words. It can be painful, especially if you resist the change.
If you are in that transition period, here are some things that can make the growing pains easier on you:
DON’T: 
  1. Resist the change. Forcing it to go your way is only going to cause you more strife. Relax.
  2. Do not constantly repeat your problems to anyone within earshot. You only exacerbate the situation and deepen the attachment, which tends to be negative.

DO:

  1. Do be proactive. Learn something new, invest in yourself. Standing still will only cause you ponder over what’s happening and if you’re an over thinker you’ll simply make it worse.
  2. Let go of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, it’s regressive.
  3. Go with the flow.
  4. Keep going, however you know how. It will improve.
  5. Exercise patience. Wanting it to be over and doing everything in your might to make it so, will not make it so. Can you plant a seed today and it bear fruit tomorrow?It has to take its natural course, whatever ‘it’ is.
  6. For the love of God, learn the lesson (lol). This one was for me, but still, I thought it might be useful for you too.

Xo

Seasons

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The weather in London has been amazing! But if you’re from here, you know all too well how fleeting it is, and how eager we all are to enjoy it whilst it’s here.

Seasons. We might not like them but we need them, whether we recognise it or not. Everything has its time. A time to work and a time to relax.

What are you working towards? And is it working for you? Because if not, maybe it’s time for you take a step back and assess what season you’re in.

When we resist what is happening for us, we cause further pain and strife to ourselves.

There is however another option, to stop resisting, relax and get into the flow of your season. I know, it’s difficult to relax when you have these dreams that you need to make happen, which are obviously not going to come on their own, right? Well, not entirely. Sure you have to do something, but notice how things come to you much faster when you’re relaxed, and the urgency isn’t there? You might have even forgotten about the thing itself and suddenly it appears. This is what will happen once you choose to accept versus resist.

I know it’s annoying when things aren’t working how you want it to, but what’s even more frustrating, is trying to force something to happen that is unripe.

If there is something you have been trying too hard at, choose today to relax. Take a deep breath, pull back and then get in tune with the vibration of your life. Pay attention to the things that are happening/working and flow with that, and you’ll soon find that the others things will begin to work itself out.

Xo

Magic? No, Work.

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‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t.

As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost.

I also know that doing the work is the actual key to unlocking rewards. And there’s no other way around it.

Usually that piece of work that I avoid becomes easy once I start doing it, then I’m bemused because ‘what was the big deal?, why was I avoiding this?’.

I’d had been procrastinating on writing a business plan for my next venture. When I did get around to it, I realised I had already completed a large portion of it on a previous occasion (I must have been delirious whilst doing it). Oh. So I can do it then.

With the new week upon us, what work have you been running away from? Run towards it. Grab it by the horns and make it your bitc submit to you. You already have what it takes, use it. Even if you don’t know how, start with what you know and things will begin to unfold.

I’m learning that with what you want, you can’t be afraid to work and sometimes work hard, as it is the very thing that will call forth your desires.

Xo

Nothing Lasts Forever

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Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing.

I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it.

Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says ‘this too shall pass’ and I am clinging to those words fiercely. And you should too.

Knowing that ‘life comes at you fast’ is why I do my best to relish the great things I experience and to find the good things during hard times.

To savour the great times here are a few things I do:

1. Be present. Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the colours, what you see, smell, who you’re with, where you are. Use all of your senses to interact and connect with the moment.

2. Be thankful. I make seemingly small moments bigger by being grateful for the things I am able to do. I take just a few seconds to be thankful for what I’m experiencing. Things like withdrawing money, buying food, paying a bill, getting my nails done, looking at my family, using my phone. You get my drift. And in doing these things, I notice what I feel about being able to do these things and remember it.

3. Give. Whatever you are able to do no matter how small or big for another person or cause, do it. It does not have to be the obvious things like money, it could be time, encouragement, fixing something, anything you’re led to. I firmly believe that irrespective of your state there’s always something you can do.

To elevate your spirit during difficult times:

Do your best to keep doing the above.

1. With being present, look at the things you typically take for granted and are easily overlooked. Things you always have and do not struggle for and cherish it that much more.

2. Do more of the things you enjoying doing. It could be a hobby or improving a skill you have or even learning a new one. I started cooking more which I hardly did. I’ve made some meals I haven’t made in almost 5 years and I feel much better for it. The idea is to not place so much focus & mental energy on what isn’t working out as doing that only exacerbates the situation in your mind. It’s especially important in cases where it is out of your hands.

3. Meditate everyday. Make time to be quiet and still and…talk to yourself out loud (not loudly). If you believe in a higher power, talk to them instead. You can start with 5 minutes a day and use your phone to set an alarm for this session. I currently don’t use music but when I do it’s either rain sounds or spa music, however silence is my preference. With the busyness of life, having ‘you’ time to reflect and create is essential to being able to function well. Might sound unusual but it actually can be therapeutic to be your own counsellor. I always feel refreshed afterwards.

Hope this helps.

Xo

Through Thick and Thin

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*Deeply exhales*

I was rebelling. I didn’t want to write on here anymore, it didn’t make sense to and the purpose of it all had significantly dwindled. Who’s reading anyway? (Says my ego).

But, it’s 5am in the morning and I’m meditating with rain music and something pushed me to read my old posts and as usual my own words minister to me. I connect with them because, well they are mine, and in that moment I remember why I wrote, to connect, with people publicly and privately. Isn’t that a worthy enough reason?

I guess what I’m saying is hi. That’s it. Just hi.

P.s I’m still in my feelings and I’d hate to have to be inauthentic.

A Blessing or a Curse?

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facetune_08-02-2019-18-32-36-1It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you.

Last week was rough for many people myself included. All sorts of weird and painful things were happening, but if you’re reading this it’s not too late to turn things around.

It’s a new week and whatever happened last week is now in the past and no longer happening, so what would you like to do next? You can choose to hold onto it OR let go and keep sowing great things now for your future.

One way to turn things around instantly, which you can do right away, is to shift your perception on your reality.

Can it feel fake at first? Yup, but with persistence it will feel normal and this will alter your reality.

For example, many people see paying bills as a chore and a pain instead of gift that affords them the lifestyle they live. Rather than bemoan it, say thank you every time you pay an expense, because you’re effectively being grateful for the things you get to experience everyday that once upon a time was but a dream. You remember what it felt like to not have the money to pay that bill and you had to ask someone for it, well now you don’t have to. That’s a blessing.

Shifting your focus onto what is good about a situation will always bear better fruit than exacerbating an already negative situation.

Pick one thing you want to feel different about and change the story you’ve made about it. Your mind is something you can control and that’s a super power. Use it wisely, be intentional for your good and that of others.

Speaking of which: you will have a great week, receive wonderful news and enjoy being alive with your loved ones 🙂

Xo

I Could, I Should, I Might?

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cc5a9b14-ac0b-48cd-87a3-7f751557ba9eI have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better.

Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out.

I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple of years which technically isn’t a problem. The distinction here is that I had no clarity on any of it. I would umm and ahh over everything, and I do mean everything.

I couldn’t decide if I was coming or going. Do I want to live in London or Manchester? Do I want to travel to a different country and work there or stay here? Do I want to buy a house or rent one? Do I want live in an apartment or a semi detached house? Do I want this type of job or to not work in this field at all? Do I want to be in a relationship or not? And this conversation continued in almost every area of my life. It stayed that way up until recently when I had a durh or as Oprah would say an ‘aha’ moment.

No wonder I had been stressed out and felt utterly unaccomplished, I had no idea what I truly wanted. I flip flopped out of fear of making a decision that would cost me. I didn’t want to unduly suffer again for a terrible choice I made, but guess what that meant? I didn’t do anything.

I had no clear sense of direction and therefore could not confidently take action towards anything, and that ultimately resulted in little to no result.

The lesson here is if you’re in a period of confusion and not knowing what way to go, just pick one. We spend a lot of time trying to avoid past mistakes but sometimes that leads to inaction and frustration, not to mention wasted energy.

The point of living is to live and that cannot happen if you’re second guessing everything. The only thing happening by doing that is building fear muscles and we certainly don’t want that.

Get clear on what you want and stick to it. It’s almost impossible to move forward without having an idea of what it is you want, how do you expect the universe to help you out when you keep giving her mixed signals?

Take a chance today and make a choice. Even if it doesn’t work out how you imagined, you still would have learned something you didn’t know before and that believe it or not is progression.

Xo

I Chose This Life

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Winter FabA few years ago I was knocking on doors, trying to find the person who owned the car that had scratched mine. One person opened their door and instead of paying attention to what he was saying, I was peering into his home as I couldn’t help but notice how different it was.

It didn’t look like mine, even though we lived a street away. It was not designed in the way these homes were originally made. It had been gutted out and designed specifically to the owners wants.

It surprised me and I thought to myself ‘So we don’t all live the same?’. Now I know that might sound obvious, but think about it. If you lived in well known expensive town, you might think that the inhabitants are generally well to do.

It was significant to me because we often think that because an experience is shared by a group of people that everyone must be having the same experiences, and it is not so.

You wake up and hate going to work, someone else loves it.

You dislike the treatment you receive in this relationship by this wo/man, someone else is deeply in love and enjoying their partner.

You barely make enough to get by, someone else is making more in a month than you make in a year.

Your friendship group is lack lustre, someone else has a great group of friends and loves their life.

The difference in the above is about creating, creating by choice. We all live through and by the choices we make every single day.

You can live how you want to if only you will consistently make choices that align with the thing that you want.

Do not underestimate the power of your choices as they determine what you experience daily. Just take a look around you and examine what is taking place, what choices did you make? Don’t like it? Choose differently.

Xo

Can You Focus On…Me?

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img_8202It’s the 17th January (already?!) and dare I ask, how is it going?

For some of the people I know it’s been, a bit, bluregh. And a bit bluregh is never a good way to feel. Maybe it’s the January blues or in London the gloomy weather? Whatever it is, as with most things, it’ll soon pass.

On my side it’s been quite slow, which I welcome because I know it’s not going to be like this for much longer.

As tradition dictates, with a new year comes new or refreshed goals. I have some that this time around I’m choosing to keep to myself however, I do have one that above all of them is absolutely necessary in order to meet my goals and that is to focus.

I used to hear as a child that ‘Irene is great and has potential but she lacks focus’, and now as an adult I understand more what they meant by that. I struggle to give a thing my undivided attention, so I’m gifting myself myself and working on improving my focus, little by little.

What are you working on?

My advice for any goals or desires you have is to take each day as it comes. Let things happen organically. I spent a considerable amount of time in the past forcing things to happen and the outcome always left me wanting.

To summarise, work with what works.

Xo

P.s Things will start look up, I promise 🙂

Happy New Year!

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img_7833I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and also this:

May this new year be better than the last in every way 

May this new year be filled with a thousand reasons to celebrate 

May this new year make all your previous efforts worth it

May this new year cause you to create new goals for yourself as the old ones have now manifested 

May this new year grant you good heath and wealth 

May this new year be full of wonderful memories that you have created with your loved ones

May love abound you wherever you go

May your relationships flourish and add more meaning to your life

May your purpose be revealed and impact not only your life but the lives of others

May this new year be all that you want it to be and more.

That is my profession for you all this year.

Thank you for your continuous support and readership. Here’s to a fantastic new year ahead 🥂! 

Much love Irene Xo

Lone Ranger

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facetune_26-12-2018-22-06-16-1My siblings and I were talking about favourites with our parents and we joked that I was the black sheep as I didn’t have a parent that I favoured.

That statement didn’t surprise me at all. I seldom did things the way others did and this made me stand out like a sore thumb. 

For the most part being this way is fine, but sometimes you want to be a part of the crowd and blend in because, well, it’s easier. There’s less conversation and strife…however there’s a price, what and who will you become by doing that? I’ve tried it a few times in the past to get on board and do things the way others did. It rarely worked and I often felt stupid afterwards. 

I consider how different my life is to many of my peers and the amount of times I have wished and attempted to be in their position just so I don’t get left behind. I laugh now as it was never my business to do or live as they do, and in any case I failed terribly at it. Through these experiences I concluded I actually know what’s best for me and should trust myself more.

So for the lone rangers who tread off the beaten track, please continue. There is a reason why you go through those things, there’s a reason why you face those particular challenges, there’s a reason why you’re the topic of conversation, there’s a reason why you do things the way you do and that reason is tied to your purpose. 

It might not be clear to you what it is, you might even want to give up and be like others, don’t. You have come too far to let up now. 

With the New Year around the corner, recommit to yourself, appreciate what you’ve accomplished and who have become. Trust yourself more, even if a decision ends up different to how you envisioned, believe that it will work out for your good.

Block out the noise from others on what they think you should be doing, think for yourself, believe in your path, especially if there is no one around you doing it, you never know who needs who you are and what you have. 

Xo 

Gratitude

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Can you see the heart shape?

This week has been…*deep exhale*
In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly.
Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm.
We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given.

It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there.
I went downstairs and made a cup of chamomile tea.
Embracing the warmth pulsating through my hands, I took a cautious sip and followed the liquid as it travelled down. The heat inflamed my chest. 
What a beautiful feeling. To be alive. To experience. To feel. To be present.

Write down what you are thankful for, so you can visually see all your riches.
These are some of mine in no particular order.

Thankful to be healthy 
Thankful for my family 
Thankful for my brilliant mind 
Thankful for the wisdom instilled in me 
Thankful for a roof over my head 
Thankful for my partner 
Thankful for my friends 
Thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful that I can cook 
Thankful that I can eat what I choose to eat
Thankful that I can give 
Thankful for my vision 
Thankful for all my senses that work together beautifully 
Thankful for my bed and electric blanket
Thankful for my creativity 
Thankful for this blog
Thankful for the ability to write 
Thankful for the money that I have 
Thankful that I am always provided for 
Thankful for my intuition 
Thankful for discernment

Thankful for music
Thankful that things easily work out for me
Thankful for stillness in the midst of chaos 


With everything shifting and things disintegrating around us, I still have so much to be grateful for. I’m sure you do too. Let’s focus on that, and savour the small, almost indistinguishable moments, as those are the things that affirm our lives.

I wish you all an uplifting, rejuvenating & loving weekend

Xo

LATEST POSTS

You Sow, You Reap.

Just like yourself I need reminders all the time about the things I should be thinking about and working on and I received one this morning. Whatever you’re living in now, is your harvest. Marinate on that for a moment. Whilst it’s great to be living in the now as you should, we do need …

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The Value of One

I recently came across a lady called Karin Bohn who is awesome! She is an interior designer, business owner and entrepreneur based in Vancouver, Canada. I discovered her about 2 weeks ago and haven’t stopped watching her videos. She gives real day to day insight into her wins, challenges and losses of all the different …

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Keep That Same Energy

It’s 8:20 am and I’m scheduled to be on time for work- woop! I’m hosting interviewees and the first person is set to arrive at 9:00 am so I can’t do my usual ‘stroll into work at late o’clock’. Seeing as I should make it in slightly before 9’o clock, a thought crossed my mind …

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“I Woke Up Like This”

Last week I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. It was beautiful, a true blessing. In the midst of celebrations I had reflective moments as I usually do in these situations. I thought about how wonderful all the different relationships (friends, relatives, couples) were, however, I was quickly reminded that things were not always …

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The Gardener & Bouncer

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The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway.

What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device.
What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped in and now become a belief, that once upon a time you were vehemently against? What informs you everyday?…

You can’t let anything or anyone run up in your mind causing chaos and destruction. You have to be the bouncer at your minds gate.
You of age? You got ID? You in the dress code? You got the proper shoes on? You got the entry fee? Who are you here with? You got any sharp and dangerous objects on you?
You have to strip search everything! Be shrewd, cutthroat even, because any untoward thought can cause havoc immediately and over a period of time.
If what comes to you doesn’t serve you positively, then sorry Miss, Sir, NO ENTRY! BOUNCE!


A well cultivated, irrigated and pruned mind is a daily job, that only occurs from continuous introspection and self-awareness.
If you give in to something that is vibrating at a much lower frequency than what you want, acknowledge it, and then choose differently–Prune those weeds and plant a few good seeds instead.
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. It takes time to consciously choose what thoughts to nurture, and what to filter out, so give yourself grace and be patient, but don’t give up.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Greatness Over Time

Last week Thursday I was looking back on the things I have done to date and I have to be honest, I was pretty impressed with myself, like really impressed. I love what I have been able to do so far and I didn’t think I would ever say that at this point. As a …

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Plastic Surgery: Should I do it?

It’s Sunday and I’m lazing around looking on social media and I see someone who I hadn’t seen in a while, something was different. Her breasts were huge and quite tender looking, snap! She’s had work done. I noticed her friends too, all their bodies looked exactly the same.  It was clear they shared similar …

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Call It Quits?

You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it. Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing …

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Being 30

At 22 I made a video with my then boyfriend (not that kind of video, ya nasty) about what I wanted to accomplish by 30. Unfortunately I do not have the video to refer back to as he deleted it when we broke up- salty. Anyway, I remember having such grand plans of what I …

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Nothing Was The Same

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20/06/2020

Nothing was the same.

Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before.
And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch.

We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from tectonic plate shifting moments in history, such as this.

Conspire with life. Form an alliance that you will do your best, and it will do the same to support you and your endeavours.
The dawn of a new era is upon us, and the ground is fertile.

Are you up for the task?

Xo

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Not About This Life!

I do contract work, so that means every few months I change jobs and for the most part I like it. I don’t get stuck anywhere especially if I am not that keen on it (I may or may not have commitment issues, but that’s for another post). Of course there are pitfalls such as …

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Where’s Your Head At?

A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry. Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however …

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The Danger of Expectations

Do you always get what you want? Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed. They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much …

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My First Time

I was in love once. You never forget your first time. I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth. …And with first loves comes first …

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In My Feelings

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I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. 
Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it…

Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have done for over a decade.
It’s the not the mode of transportation that’s nerve-wracking. It’s the mandatory, and sometimes very unnecessary red tape that has me feeling out of sorts. 

I was on my way back into London from France, and needless to say things have changed. 
I can’t queue up with my European mates anymore. I don’t belong and it’s a sad sad affair.

The process made me feel like an other, and I, like most people, do not like to feel like an other.
That, along with other new procedures and the Edna doppelganger cutting one of my cherished pieces of jewelry to smithereens made the journey unpleasant.
Welcome to post-brexit. 

I couldn’t ‘hummm’ or ‘kumbaya my lord’ out of this one and that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset as long as you don’t do anything irresponsible or regrettable. 

Anyway what’s my point? My point is I’m human and have off days, low moments and stressful periods, and experiencing these things, even for extended periods of time is perfectly normal. 
I’ll say it again, is perfectly normal. 

In such times, and you’ve probably not heard this enough, refrain from self flagellation of any kind.
Instead, feel the feels and let it pass through. Don’t suppress it, because you’re not a stuffed teddy void of emotions, you’re human and all feelings are a natural part of being alive.

For whatever reason, society has only made “good” emotions permissible. The rest is shunned and considered abominable.
No wonder we’re perpetually miserable! We’ve been repressed since we were children, and told that it’s not okay to cry, or to be angry, or to be jealous or whatever other emotion is considered unacceptable. As a consequence, these suppressed emotions sometimes manifest itself through our bodies in the form of (a) dis-ease.

Yin and yang - Wikipedia

The irony is, those taboo emotions are part of the Yin and Yang, and a pendulum swings both ways for a reason; balance.

So if you are angry, be angry, if you are hurt, be hurt, if you are sad, be sad. The only caveat with this, is to not act in a way that is detrimental to you or others.
Let your emotions exist without judgment. By doing this is how you begin to exercise mastery over self. You gain a better understanding of who you are and what belongs to you, and over time and with practice, you can observe the emotions and consciously choose what you do next…it will be your superpower.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.

Oscar Wilde

Xo 

LATEST POSTS

How Does It Feel?

How Does It Feel? The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now. I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it. I found …

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I Just Want To Be Successful

I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too. Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can …

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The Finish Line

We all know the story of the Tortoise and Hare and if you don’t you can read about it here. It’s almost impossible to ignore what people are doing, how they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with (ew get your mind out of the gutter). There are images and videos everywhere you turn! …

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Are You Sure You Want This?

Sunday night I say my prayers, set my intentions, I feel good and I go to sleep. Before 8 am this morning, I had 2 unexpected things pop up with a promise to throw me off track. I say to myself ‘It’ll be fine, I’ll handle it’. I jump in the shower and as I …

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First of the First.

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Meet Perfect Pattie, our plants name 🙂

01.01.2021.
There is something satisfying about this date.
It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.
Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened.
It’s in the past.
So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your life, just as you like it.
Carpe Diem!
Xo

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In All Honesty…

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up. I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having …

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The Signs

Dare I say it I am excited that it’s Monday and the start of a new week! Everything that happened last week is now in the past and we have new opportunities to make good on, so go forth and prosper! The Signs  Energy doesn’t lie, it can’t, it just is. I, like a lot …

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The Dreams Free, Hustle Sold Separately

I love dreaming, day dreaming to be exact. I can set the place, time, event, who’s there and make it as big and as wonderful as I want it to be. The best part is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. You may feel elevated after the quick or not so …

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It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work. There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and …

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2021.

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Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.

When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots, not a global virus, worldwide lockdown and quarantine. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.

We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.

Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.

I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.

As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox


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SShhh Don’t Talk About It

I just got back from a solo trip to Malta. If you have ever tried to organise a trip away with others you’ll know how incredibly frustrating it can be. After months of trying to get it together with others, I scrapped those efforts and said right I’m going alone! I didn’t tell anyone until …

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Food For Thought: The Grind

I am starting a new thing called ‘Food For Thought’ where once a week, I write a sentence or two for personal rumination. I do think less is more and rather than constantly bombard you with an essay every couple of days (I’ll still do this), I thought it’d be good to give a few …

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It’s Not You, It’s Me.

Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There …

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S/He is “Goals”

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours. Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be …

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

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On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

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3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis

I planned to write on something completely different, but after a brief conversation with an old friend in which she sent me an article, I thought maybe this article would be useful to others like me. The 3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis. If you’re affected by one P, you’ll be affected by two and likely …

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Make Room

I have an iPhone and it feels like every few seconds it tells me ‘Storage almost full’. Seeing this message has become the absolute bane of my life. I then start the process of looking for things to delete in order to create space and what I usually find tends to surprise me. ‘How did …

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A Single Mind

You cannot have two masters, one will rule over the other. Ever tried to go left and right at the same time? It’s impossible. It works the same if you are double minded. When working towards a goal, you cannot willingly accept alternative outcomes because the likelihood is you’ll end up with the least desired one. …

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Good Choices

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What choices have you made was a question I was asked today.

I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. 
My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite.

I chose instead to write down the choices I made that worked out well, the decisions that turned into something marvellous; lifelong friendships, priceless moments, great financial gains, seeing the world, dedication to handling my business and therefore having peace of mind, being responsible, working smarter and much more. 
And as I did so, my trust in my abilities increased. I felt more empowered and actually, I do make f*cking great decisions. The list is proof of that. 

We don’t talk up enough our great commitments and how exceptional we’ve been due to what we did, and it’s high time we start. 

Spend 5 minutes listing the choices you made, be it big or small, that paid off or flourished or gave you an unforgettable gift.
Relish in what you come up with and commend yourself for being a remarkable human. 

Xo

To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

To find your peace, you must face your beast. Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared …

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“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you. At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push …

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Tier Me To Pieces

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Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office? 

Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.
I’m convinced Boris hates his constituents. 
Everything, is too little, too late.

I understand that this is brand new for all of us, including the government. The difference however, is that they have access to experts in every field to guide them on how to best manage the pandemic and people, along with their expectations, well-being, and livelihoods.
Also, we’re all privy to seeing how other countries have dealt with efficacy. For goodness sake, take notes!

Clear messaging creates clear expectation, which avoids disappointment.

We all hate what this pandemic has done, but it’s the management of it all that’s one of most challenging things about it. 

The messaging has been unclear, impractical, and simply cannot be trusted. 
The ping ponging of our physical, emotional and mental well-being is what is taking a huge toll on everyone. Its our lives in the balance— double entendre intended.

I watched this video a little while back (see below) and this principle, is one way to effectively manage things in difficult and unprecedented times.

If anyone knows the PM, please direct him to this post.
Thanks, management.

That’s my little rant over. Back to us.

For us as individuals, we have a responsibility to ourselves. We cannot afford to rely on the elected to make decisions that support us.
So in this transformational period, pivot.
This has been my saving grace. When plans do not work out, I work with what’s working, I look at the alternatives, I face what’s immediately in front of me not months ahead, I control what I can control, and leave the rest.
Standing in one spot and allowing life to happen to us in every aspect is only going to pull us further and further away from our nirvana.

Shift your focus and pool your energy into a penetrable cause. Think of yourself as an athlete, say a tennis or basketball player or even a footballer. Consider how they constantly look for the opportunity to win. That’s what we can do too, win.
N.B Everyone’s winning is different.

…And I have every faith that as resilient and buoyant people, we will recover, like always.

Xo

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Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

Part 1 “Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car.  She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over …

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This is 30!

I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting. At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could …

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20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s: Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be …

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The Year of Realisations

As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase. A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to …

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Yours or Mine?

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Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you? 

Are you sure? 

Are YOU sure?

Just checking. 

I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively. 
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.

Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it. 
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.

I want my own business- do you really? 

I want a huge wedding- do you really?

I want to be a billionaire- do you really? 

I want this body type- do you really? 

I want to be famous- do you really?

How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?

One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up. 
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.

But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.

Bisou xo 

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Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff. I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up. I am kicking …

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Finishing Strong

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what’ve achieved and what we haven’t. We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2018’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2018 be any different if you’re not doing …

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Somebody’s Watching

Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’. You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger. Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were …

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A Little Joy

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I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?

Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!

This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.

Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.

We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.

That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?

Before

A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)

Christmas Decorations
After

The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!

My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
xo

This is it currently 🙂

LATEST POSTS

The Ugliness of it All

Like Giggs infamous lyrics say ‘It will get bloody, it will get gory’, such is the premise of progression, success and greatness. I had a ‘moment’ yesterday where I felt like the aspirations and plans I had for my life weren’t happening nor had they come to pass. I silenced everything and connected with that …

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One Person Can

A new opportunity has arisen for me and I subsequently began to think about the possibilities of what I’ll be able to do, change and improve upon. The excitement of it all boiled over. And then one thought stopped me in my tracks, “I’m one person, can I really make the difference I envision making?”. …

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New Week: Press Reset

Who taught you to stop believing? Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me …

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The Single Life

Navigating through life certainly has its ups and downs and I am starting to think that with some things there is no right or wrong, only better. In keeping with the theme of other posts this week, I thought I’d share 2 things single (and non-single) people should do before entering or considering a relationship. …

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20 Things to Know In Your 20’s – Part 2 (Reposted)

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My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.

For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.

“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch, but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had.
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom.
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on.
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich your life.
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline, otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better.

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo”

LATEST POSTS

Cuffing Season

Winter is here! And cuffing season is upon us. The struggle to find a bae is real.  For those of you that don’t know what cuffing season is, by my definition it’s the autumn/winter period where due to the drastic change in weather, people find themselves a partner. It may be for the purpose of …

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Would You Date You?

Would you date you? Be honest. Not your typical Monday spiel but I think it’s worth thinking about it. Whether you’re single, dating or in a relationship, every status is a minefield that needs to be broached with care and lots of thought. But, let’s talk about a significant other. A lot of people often …

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Who’s Whispering In Your Ear?

Who’s whispering in your ear? Do the people around you validate your fears? Do they exacerbate an already bad situation with their opinions and presence? Do they tell you about all the terrible ways they have dealt with things and encourage you to do the same? Do they knock your dreams? If so, drop them, …

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Sixth Sense

I knew spilling my guts on here would help me out. Phew! It’s like having a good old cry and suddenly having clarity afterwards, or when you’re having a bad day and opt to just sleep it off and you wake up feeling better. That’s what writing out my jargon on here did for me, …

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Transitions

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I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish.
My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day.
It’s fortuitous as our friends stateside near the end of the presidential election, and my family and friends in England are preparing for a lockdown and I, well, I’m already in a lockdown in France. It’s all systems go and transitions of all sorts are afoot. 

Transitions can be ugly, messy and traumatic. Even the beautiful and welcomed ones can still be difficult and sad.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re all experiencing a transition period of varying degrees, consisting of upheavals, rapid change, deep losses and lots of growing pains.

Naturally, there’ll be emotions that come up as you go through this phase, but don’t dismiss or suppress them as they surface. Allow them to breathe and work through them.
By doing this, you’re clearing the way and getting rid of the gunk in a healthier fashion and in turn making space to think clearly, and direct your energy where you truly want it.

Trust me, I get it. There is so much going on and it’s challenging to sift out what is for you and useful, and what isn’t.
With this in mind, what has become increasingly clear over the past few months is the power of words. And in this era of instant send and receive, it is crucial to own and use language that is not only yours, but in cultivating the circumstances you want to bring to life.
So be intentional. Create a haven for yourself with whatever you have. Envision something greater and keep going—You’ve made it this far, you’ll get through this too!

Xo

P.s I am still not entirely pleased with this post. The words just lack synergy, it feels gritty, but the aim is progress, not perfection.

LATEST POSTS

Things That Go Bump

It’s 3.24 am and I’ve decided I’m going to be a weirdo and post something.  I’m not sure whether I can call it writers block because I don’t feel “blocked”, only that over the past couple of weeks completing a post has been challenging, so challenging that it hasn’t happened. …See? I’m stumped. I don’t …

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Major Key Alert

I am constantly reminded that a major key to success is consistency. Even when you get the thing you have worked for, you have to maintain it and maintaining it requires consistent action.  Relationships, money, career, health, home, everything needs to be maintained and in some cases improved upon by consistent effort. It will be …

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In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end. It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide …

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Have You Done It Yet?

A couple of days ago, my mind wondered back to being a child and what made things so much simpler. I thought about all the things I had achieved then both great and small and one thing that I remember not doing is thinking. I just did. I didn’t think about whether or not I’ll be …

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Advocate For Yourself

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I have a picture frame on my chest of drawers, and when I feel like it I change the picture to suit my mood.
This time around I chose a baby picture of myself, and what I saw was my zest for life, excitement and innocence. I was full of promise.
I also saw a little girl that over the years was unprotected, not well supported, disappointed and sad. Perpetually sad.

In that moment I decided that whilst others may not have taken up for me as a child, because of their own things and not having the best tools, I, will take up for me.
I am not child anymore, and although she (I) still needs nurturing, I am now better equipped to give myself the care, support, and gentleness that I need(ed), and advocate for myself.

What does advocating look like for me currently? Advocating for myself is investing in therapy for 3+ years and counting, setting and maintaining boundaries, changing my environment, starting all over again, doing things that bring me joy, shedding old ways, thinking for myself and doing what I want to do, not what society, or family, or friends think I should do, guarding my heart and all my senses, and much much more.

We no longer have to wait for a Knight or Dame in shining armour. The person you have been waiting for is you.
So how will you advocate for yourself?
The beauty of it is, you get to decide how it happens.

Unlearning and learning the things that edify you is never easy and is seldom straightforward, but commit to the process and to designing a life that you not only love, but are proud of.
And as you consider how you will support yourself, the compassion, grace, and care that you often extend to others, gather those things and give it to yourself.

Xo

The Ground Is Fertile

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The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

Latest Posts

They Don’t Support Me

First off, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever read, commented, shared, messaged me about my posts, I don’t think I have ever really shown gratitude but I am truly grateful! I just came across a post of someone laminating about having fake friends, the lack of support and how much they do …

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Say No to Yes People

I was rereading my last post and thinking about the kind of people I have around me.  Although I love them dearly, I noticed that there are some that will feed into my plight rather than snap me out of it and that is dangerous. For example, you’ve had a bad day and you call …

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Protect Your Dreams

Listen up: Be mindful of whom you share your dreams and goals with. I get it. When we have some exciting news about our lives we want to share it with the people close to us or even not so close to us. My advice? Don’t. I cannot recall how many times I have spoken …

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Don’t Sleep on Yourself

I was looking through Instagram as you do and I came across the fabulous shoe designer Monika Chaing. After browsing through a few of her pictures, I was transported back to 2010 when I had aspirations of creating a shoe line that would represent all the different sides of me-I love shoes! That same year …

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A Whole New World

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As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up. 

I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the director to shout ‘cut’ to end scene, as surely this cannot be real life?! 

It caused me to think of my childhood, and how I was conditioned to believe that ‘grown ups’ were all knowing and made sound decisions. Ha!
Of course that isn’t entirely true, and truthfully it’s unnerving, because who do you trust? Who can you rely on to make decisions that have your best interests at heart? Decisions that will impact your future and other generations?
Those that we have elected intentionally or not, are simply not connected to the issues that affect a majority.

With that said, we cannot afford to give all the power to people evidently ill-equipped. It is up to us to design a life that works best, despite the recession, pandemic, Brexit, questionable leadership, and myriad of other things.

This might mean changing your lifestyle, moving cities, taking up causes, career changes, retraining or doubling down on the vision you have for your future.
And no, you cannot half-heartedly do it. There can be no dipping of toes into water, or observing others go for it, looking for evidence in their moves as to why perhaps you shouldn’t.
You, must pursue your dreams, with reckless abandon.

A whole new world (a whole new world)
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us, “No”
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

Xo

Latest Posts

Everything Is Not For Sale

One half of a popular couple declared that their relationship was officially over on Instagram this past weekend. Was it surprising? No. In this social media age it’s so easy to want to overshare and even make a profit from doing so but at what cost? I see many people brand and package themselves for …

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When Things Go Wrong

I think there is something about speaking of things you are going to do and it ultimately going tits-up right after. It feels like every time I speak of something I am going to do publicly, it doesn’t happen. Is there some sort of wicked force that actively works against me in that moment? If …

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Day 4: FML

I believe I said that I would go to the gym on Wednesday? Yeah, that didn’t happen. I ended up going for dessert with my neighbour. And yes the dessert was amazing! Waffles with Nutella spread all over and crushed Oreos, mmm yum, but erm no good for my body goals.  29 June 2017 Today …

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Quick Update

Good Morning! And Happy New Week. I hope this week brings you everything that you have worked for and more 🙂 I know you are giving me the side-eye right now because I said I was going to do a daily diary for one week and I failed miserably. See what had happened was, day …

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Tenets

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A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.

I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.

  1. No, your idea is not stupid. Run with it. The journey from inception to fruition might be a jog, sprint, or marathon, whatever it may be, just start! It doesn’t matter what it looks like, if there are errors or if it’s not exactly how you envisioned it, put ALL of that aside and start with what you have. And yes, you might be the only one who believes in it, still do it!
  2. The best way to get better is to ‘do’. Do more, and that means practice, practice, practice! Practice precedes progress and improvement. Practice well.
  3. Consistency. This one will make or break what you do. Do not underestimate it at all. Your work and purpose depends on it. It won’t be like that forever, but at the beginning and perhaps for a (very) long time, make consistency your goal. Think of anyone you consider to be successful, were they an overnight success? Absolutely not. It was consistency, trial and error and patience.

The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.

Xo

Latest Posts

Day 3: Flights and Feelings

You know I said I was going to the gym last night right? Well, I didn’t quite make it. I took the selfie below and immediately after, I was struck with a very painful belly ache. It felt like someone was wringing out my stomach, hurt like a mother! I decided to forgo the gym …

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Day 2: Dance Fever & Gym Boyfriends.

I’m back! After yesterday’s post, I rushed off to a dance studio. I decided last week that I was going to get back to one of my first loves, dancing. I’d been meaning to do so for a while, but I couldn’t find classes that fit what I wanted to do, so I said  ‘F …

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Let Me Live! (Day 1)

Hi Guys! Usually there’s a process when posting, but today isn’t one of those days. I’m writing this off the top of my dome, no editing, nada! Do you ever feel like you can’t catch a break? As if you are doing a dance with life, taking two steps forward and five steps backwards? And …

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Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason. No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on. People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives. It doesn’t respect …

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Death, Loss, A Gift?

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We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.
We’re merely passing through. 

Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift. 

4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as long as we did? To do all that he did?
A gift 🎁

My friend Franklin ascended 4 months after diagnosis. And whilst his life was even more brief in years, I still feel very grateful to have known him. 
A gift 🎁 

God could have called them home a lot sooner. 

We do not determine when we will leave, so with what you have, make sure when it’s time to go, you’re empty.
Franklin gave me his belief in me and constant support. 
Chadwick gave us a piece of history, and a reconciling of who we are, not just in Black Panther, but in his life’s work. 

Be a gift, leave a legacy.
🎁

May they and those who have left this earth, rest in perfect peace.

Xo

 

Truth Hurts

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I came across this post two days ago by Monika A Mazur, and felt attacked by it. 

Can’t complain about results you don’t have for work you didn’t do.


It convicted me, and reiterated that doing the work isn’t a part-time gig.

Enjoy your weekend, but next week, we’re going to be on job!

Xo

Latest Posts

So What You Fell Off?!

You’ve been working SO hard to change something, keep something up or develop a habit and although it’s a struggle you are making progress. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you fall off. You get knocked off course and for a period of time, you consider throwing the towel in altogether. It’s too hard, it’s not for …

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I’d Love You…If You Changed.

I’m seeing someone. Things are going well enough but there have been some red flags. I was thinking about all the things I didn’t like about their behaviour and how they would have to change this, that and the third for me to be with them- I stopped myself mid ramble. If this person has …

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Shaken, Not Stirred

30 something, broke, man less, childless, friendless, in fact everything less. At this stage of her life, Chelle was sure she would have it all figured out, instead, she was about to buy a meal she couldn’t afford with money meant for rent. Walking through the absolute white flat door, Chelle dropped her things and …

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Don’t Take It For Granted!

Happy Friday! Work is officially over 🙂 Every so often I consider what someone else who is deemed less privileged would do with the many things I have been blessed with. I think if they had been given the opportunities like I have, what magic would they create? Their tenacity alone is something to be …

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Today Is A Good Day To…

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Yup. Got a piercing and went blonde.

You see the nice clothes in your wardrobe that you are saving for a ‘moment’ in your life? Wear it, because being alive is THE moment.

The business you’re waiting for the right time to start because money, resources, and support isn’t there yet, sis, sir, those things will come, but you have to make the first move.

The relationship you’re afraid of committing to because of the hurt you’ve experienced in the past (emphasis on ‘in the past’), well, it is time to move on. I mean hello?! Life is short! Live a little lot.

The house you want that you’ve considered a fantasy, man make the call, find out what you need to do, arrange a virtual tour, hire a financial adviser, speak to the bank, yes now, even in these uncertain times, because eventually the tide will change and you will be ready.

The life you have dreamt of creating in a new country but now seems impossible, do not abandon the dream! Get online, research, apply for the visa, YouTube is your friend and go for it!

The body that you want, first of all, love yours and then make adjustments. You cannot truly have what you do not first feel, no matter any physical alterations you may make.

During this wild ride of 2020, I have seen people buy homes, move across the world to start a life with their fiancé, get married, secure new jobs, make the most amount of money they have ever made, sell out of products multiple times over, you name it, its happening. And it could be happening for you. 

There will always be ‘something’ and or a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, the good thing is, you only need one reason why you should.
Take that leap, or at least hop.

Xo

P.s I have exciting news to announce soon. You’ll be hearing my voice, wherever you are in the world eek! From pen pals to ASMR. Can’t wait!

Latest Posts

Trapped

You’ve been trying a ting* for a while now but it’s not quite working. One possible reason is this: You’re living in your head! What do I mean by that? There are certain things you say to yourself on a daily basis that contradict what you deeply want for your life. You hold incapacitating beliefs …

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Before Beyoncé was Beyoncé

You think Beyoncé is who she is because she is simply gifted? Hardly. In fact she works HARD to create and build all she has. I’d love to tell you that all the Greats were born great (so that you and I can feel better about ourselves) but they’re not, well not entirely. What they …

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Speak to an expert!

Tip Numero Uno: Speak to smart, successful and accomplished people.  I used to think that you could learn from anyone and how it wasn’t that important to seek advice from those that had the experience. Well, I was a little bit off on that last thought. It is very important to get their advice and guidance! The insight from …

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Words are Genies.

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Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect.

At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to complete all the things I set out to (because regular procrastinator/perfectionist here).
I say courage, because sometimes I often experience fear, and to overcome fear, is to do the thing, and to do the thing, courage is needed.

As I uttered the word courage, I had break in thought, ‘Are you sure you want courage?’.
I paused. ‘Yes, courage is what I want’.

My prayer was interrupted by that thought because history has shown me that what you want, will often challenge you, and you might not like what you have to do to get there.

I eventually fall asleep and wake up a few hours later.
I express my gratitude that I, my family and friends are alive and well and start my day.

As my coffee brews, I make a chocolate and peanut butter sandwich (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Then out of nowhere, my mood took a nose dive.

The more I thought about all the things I planned to do, the deeper the desire to do nothing became. I only wanted to lie in bed in my birthday suit.

I messed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for courage? Maybe I should have asked for something else?
The feeling of inertia was getting stronger, and I knew I needed to shift gears and break the depressive grip forming.

A message from my fitness instructor/friend came through. My heart leapt for a joy a little, as I hoped the text would read that he’d have to cancel today’s zoom workout session. No such luck. He was just checking that we were good to go at 2:15pm.

Reluctantly I wrote ‘See you at 2:15pm’. I figured my mood might have picked up when it was time, but truthfully I did not want to see him or anyone at 2:15pm.

In the meantime, I attempted to pep talk myself. I half chuckled, half grimaced, because I knew asking for the courage to accomplish things this week could quite possibly give me the complete opposite feeling, meaning I’d really have to work for the courage. And that’s what happened.

2:15pm rolls around and you guessed it, I haven’t moved.

Me: We have to?

Him: Yes. Yes we do.

For ****sake!

Sluggishly, I put on my workout gear, grab my laptop, workout mat, water, fan, and head to the living room to begin this workout.

I did it. I completed the workout.
My form was off and I got tired very quickly, but I did it.

It might seem like a small feat, but dragging myself to work out, stopped the fall into a sunken place, and refocused my mind and energy towards being productive and ultimately where I wanted to be.

So what’s my point? Be mentally prepared for what you’re asking for, as it will come and if you’re not vigilant, you’ll let the opportunity pass you by because it’s “too hard”, “too long”, “too much”, “too right”.
It’ll be easy to want to give up, but rather than give up,  give in to it. Go with it, flow with it, work with it, but least of all reject it, because on the other side, is what you are looking for.

Xo

A Long Walk

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Oluwatoyin Salau, 19

I have written some of these sentences multiple times, willing words to automatically materialise. It didn’t. At least not with ease.

Words still escape me. 

This year

The past few months

The last three weeks have been worse than a Nightmare on Elm Street.

When I said I could feel my second wind coming, I didn’t know it meant getting the wind knocked completely out of me. 

Weary is an understatement.
Two weeks ago I cancelled my therapy session, too overwhelmed to articulate feelings. Where would I begin to discuss all the things I feel past, present, and future? 

I donate, I educate myself even more, I share amongst friends, I sign petitions, I pray, I resolve to do better for my community and future- a future that is so uncertain…and still, I cannot let up.

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Breonna Taylor, 26

If there is a rare of moment of joy, thoughts of George, Breonna, Belly, Ahmaud, Toyin, Shukri, Tony, Rashad, and so many treasured others lying in graves not planned for them, suddenly come to mind. Helplessness and grief follows. 

And every day there is someone else. Every day. 

What do we do?
We participate in changing and challenging the world to do and be better; one conversation, one action, one moment at a time.
What you do, can make a world of difference to what we, and our successors get to experience. Your contribution is vital and a key component to what happens next. No one is too small or big to do something.

 

MeliorismThe belief that the world can be made better by human effort.

We must elevate our thinking and actions past what we have done and know, and envision and work without relenting for something greater.
And in doing that, dispel stereotypes, bridge the inequality gap, use your privilege, interrupt and correct wrong doings, take a stand and speak up, educate yourself, be proactive & conscientious, and put your money where your mouth is. Lip service simply won’t do, only deeds.
Our lives depend on it.

 

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Shukri Abdi, 12

We have a long way to go, but we are on our way.
And I trust that you will do your part in creating histories to be proud of. 

xo

P.s I’ll be honest this post still feels all over the place, but better to speak than not to.

When Life Stopped

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Fam.
-Usually precedes the beginning of a wild, terrible, crazy, unbelievable story.

If you have been able to do something, anything, during this time, kudos to you.

If you haven’t because life stopped, dropped, rolled (a euphemism for shit blew up), kudos to you too.

In both scenarios, you are doing what is best for you.
There is no requirement to do or be anything other than what is good for you and yours, no matter what anyone else says.

As for me, I take each day as it comes, only making another move when needed, which is usually hour by hour, trusting that things will work out.

Having said that, I feel my second wind coming, and hopefully that means I will be here more often.

Until then, take very good care mes amis.

xo

Rest

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bb2e38e2-24fb-43d6-a9e6-9fcca9f55e49Well that went left very quickly.

2019 was what I considered to be the year of the purge. It felt like we were going through a spiritual and physical transformation in preparation for the new decade, and I accepted that, however, I don’t think whatever that period was meant to teach us stuck, so here we are.

The universe has given us a clear indication of what is necessary and we should take heed. We are being called to take the best care we’ve ever taken of ourselves, of others and the earth we live in. It is time to chill.

Granted, the world is in a frenzy, but you don’t have to be. This period, should you choose to see it this way, can be a beautiful opportunity for you to regenerate, to bond, to develop, and ultimately alter the way you see and do things going forward, for the better.

My belief, albeit contrary to what is currently happening, is that 2020 is going to be an incredible year, as we will become 10 times the person we were before, we just have to do our bit.

Naturally, as with most things and considering the circumstances, there will be loss, sacrifice, heartbreak and hard times, but it won’t last and we will get through it as best as we can, like we always do.

So stay indoors, keep healthy, take the necessary precautions, check on your loved ones and neighbours, help out wherever possible and rest.

xo

A Will, A Way.

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61e5e7a5-db4a-413c-90cf-3df76b6e053cI have been willing myself to complete a post for weeks now to no avail. Five different topics with a beginning, a middle and no end. Huff.

As I finished writing that last sentence, a thought came to me to just post one as is, and that’s what I’m going to do.

Too often we let perfectionism block and stop us from showing up, believing that we have to present a completely finished & polished product, and truthfully we don’t. What’s much more revolutionary than that is being your authentic self and simply showing up the best way you know how, rough edges and all.

So here is one I started a month ago and haven’t edited or completed.  And maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

Remove and Replace

Whatever expectations you’ve had for your life for the last few years or decades, perhaps it’s time you let up and release them.

We can get so caught up in what we think it should be and forcefully try and make things happen, that we actually miss out on the opportunities right in front of us.

That doesn’t mean never getting the things you want, it’s more about adjusting your lens to capture what already exists and making it better.

I was having a conversation with a friend about life and its fragility and because of that, again I thought are can we really afford to get stuck on the things that haven’t worked? to hold grudges? to wallow in self-pity? to allow negativity?  Sure, its easier said than done. And yes it’s something to be practice and there is no time like the present.

So many of us give up on the first try, because we’re so stuck on how we envisioned it happening that we haven’t stopped to consider other options.”

Xo

Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

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FD2AAAED-849C-4C47-81E9-1FBB43B269C9Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason, life goes on.

No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on.

It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by something, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the show must go on.

In someone’s death, elsewhere there is birth

In someone’s heartache, elsewhere there is love

In someone’s downfall, elsewhere there is victory

In someone’s poverty, elsewhere there is wealth

In someone’s breakdown, elsewhere there’s a breakthrough.

People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives.

Life is all-encompassing and nothing stays the same forever.

We should take solace in knowing that life will continue with or without us and that is a beautiful thing just as it is tragic.

xo

2019, Bye. 2020, Hello.

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img_2519.jpgI am ready for the New Year and what it may bring however, there is a one thing I think we all should do.

It is only right that as we enter into the year 2020 that we get clarity as where there is no vision, the people perish. 

Get clear on the things you want for yourself in this coming year.  That’s it. That’s the (almost) final word for decade from me.

My final word, is an intention. My intention is that 2020 is phenomenal, prosperous, and full of positive manifestations for you all.

Happy New Year!!!

Irene Xo

 

 

What 2009-2019 Taught Me.

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Before you receive an onslaught of all the decade stuff, I thought I’d quickly slide mine in there and share some of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years.

I started this decade as a 22 year old, who didn’t know shit, still doesn’t, ha! Anyway, without further ado, here they are:

  1. Love can be simple and it can be complicated. It’s also not meant to be an exact replica of others, it should however, be and feel good.
  2. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, working on them/you does.
  3. Forgiveness is essential and not an option. Your health, relationships and life need it.
  4. It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.
  5. Take risks, especially the ones that make you want to vomit. You either love it or you’ll learn from it.
  6. Make your own rules. You’re the boss of your life.
  7. Speak up. Clear your throat, take a deep breath and say it. Not saying it, is costly.
  8. One size does not fit all. Your life is meant to be colourful and full of character (including characters). You’re breathing, so let it do it’s thing and go with the flow where you can.
  9. Let it all go. People, jobs, ideals.  Free yourself and be better.
  10. Give. To yourself first, then to others. That way you’ll always be at your best.
  11. There are upsides to every downside, there are downsides to every upside, and to experience anything good you have to embrace all of it

Bonus: We’re all just figuring it out. The above is what I’ve figured out so far and truthfully in the next year/decade it will change. That’s life.

What are some of the things you have learnt over the last decade?

xo

P.s If I don’t write to you before the new year, have a wonderful New Year! xo

One At A Time

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I really hope this post meets you well.

Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild.

2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, unplanned pregnancies, incarceration, losing friendships, losing loved ones to death, to name a few things- like I said, a roller coaster.  

I wonder if there is some sort of universal purge happening because we are entering into a new decade? What do you think?

Notwithstanding the party and bullsh*t that life can be, we still have to participate and how we do this, is entirely up to us.

Sure, we’re not in control of a lot of things, but the one of the things we can master is, ourselves. WE are huge contributors to our experiences.

With that said, I want you to think about ONE thing you want to accomplish before the 31st December 2019.

Just one. One, because when we attempt to juggle multiple things at a time the following occurs; very little gets done, you become overwhelmed with how much there is to do, causes frustration and worse than all of that, can make you stagnant.

Once you have decided what that is, close off or shut down anything that does not support the thing you are in the process of accomplishing. That might mean limiting the access others have to you, setting a timetable, changing your environment, exposing yourself to something different and so on.

Chances are, you already know what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it. Take heed to whatever messages you are receiving right now about your life, as its the very thing that will get you closer to where you want to be.

And if you don’t? Well you already know what life will look like because you are living it now. Do yourself one solid before the new year and surprise yourself.

With love, Irene x 

 

Take A Picture

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84e2fe7f-4a56-4acc-a517-f19b12b53042It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished.

There’s a great way to address that, document it.
I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but follow it for a moment.

At the beginning of 2018 my acne flared up terribly. I had just finished 3 chemical peels back to back, in a bid to clear up acne scarring, believing that as I approached my 30s everything would settle down. Not my skin and not my face. Rather than reveal new skin, my acne returned with a vengeance. My skin was not happy with the peels or me and it showed. I felt defeated again. Who wants to be dealing with acne at any age never mind at 30!

Up until that point, there existed NO pictures of my bare face. Not one. Not one since I was 17. Not on my personal phone, not even in a place where’d it be hidden, where only I would be privy to it. Not even after 2 rounds of roaccutane (which significantly improved my skin temporarily), numerous facials, topical treatments and so on. Never. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want proof of it anywhere, thinking that if I didn’t have to see it, it’ll piss off and never return somehow.  It can’t exist if I do not acknowledge it right? Well it didn’t piss off and it did exist.

For years I hated pictures and was always running from a camera and deleting pictures from other people phones. Even today, I’m still not all that enthusiastic about it, however I am MUCH better than I used to be.

Anyway, I’m not sure what possessed me this time around, but I decided I would take pictures of my bare skin in June 2018. It was bad, really bad.

No one ever believes how problematic and scarred my skin was, because I was an expert at disguising most of it. Those with acne prone skin usually are. Now I’d have proof to show people when they’d say ‘you’re skin isn’t bad’, erm yes it was, let’s call a spade a spade.
Truthfully though, I had no intentions of showing anyone and still don’t. I did however, want to see the changes that might happen.

I took action to repair my skin for the umpteenth time and gradually it improved, but I wanted more. I wanted my blemish free taunt skin that I had pre-acne, that was until I looked at the picture I took a year ago. I was astounded by the difference.

I immediately felt immense gratitude for how far I’d come and the progress I had made. I couldn’t actually believe this was what it used to look like. I looked in the mirror again and appreciated how much had changed.

Being able to look back and see the difference between then and now instantly shifted my perspective on how I saw things and increased my confidence. I give myself a little bit more love and a pat on the back for not giving up.

You should consider doing the same. Write down your feelings or take pictures of what you’re doing/working on now, and if you feel compelled to regarding that particular thing, continue to do so. Over time, you will notice the leaps and bounds that you will have made, if only you will not give up and keep going.

xo

P.s Perhaps I’ll share pictures another time, when I am ready and or feeling much much braver lol.

Something’s Afoot.

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I don’t know how its been for you (I hope great), but the first 6 months of this year for myself and many others that I know, was rough, still is.

From deaths, loss of jobs, work issues, financial hardship, strained relationships, the list goes on. It’s been too strange, too common, too frequent, too harsh. I started to think, is this a universal shift for a specific set of people? I wanted out. Knowing others were having a hard time too, did not alleviate the weight of struggle- misery in fact does not always love company.

Having said that, I believe another transition is upon us. A glow up of sorts. Something better than what was. Ms O(prah) said what happens to you is for you and that shift in perspective can empower you to think and act differently. Attempting to ignore or rush it, will not make things change quicker, let it breathe

As cliche as this is about to sound I wouldn’t be who I am When I think about some of the difficult times I’ve had, it always made me better, always. A better communicator, better skilled, more compassionate, more loving, more understanding, more forgiving, disciplined, smarter and much more. Did it feel like all these things at the time? Um **** no, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I have always gained more and become larger than before.

Let the growing pains work for you by allowing it the space to evolve and for you evolve with it, because what is coming is better than what is gone.

Irene xo

 

Trust the Process

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My three biggest takeaways so far for 2019 are patience, trust and humility. I have had to exercise these qualities in various amounts, sometimes all at the same time. It is testing, but growing.
Growing. I wonder if people understood what it meant, whether they’d still want to grow? We say it all the time, “I want to continuously grow and develop”, the reality of that is a lot different to those few words. It can be painful, especially if you resist the change.
If you are in that transition period, here are some things that can make the growing pains easier on you:
DON’T: 
  1. Resist the change. Forcing it to go your way is only going to cause you more strife. Relax.
  2. Do not constantly repeat your problems to anyone within earshot. You only exacerbate the situation and deepen the attachment, which tends to be negative.

DO:

  1. Do be proactive. Learn something new, invest in yourself. Standing still will only cause you ponder over what’s happening and if you’re an over thinker you’ll simply make it worse.
  2. Let go of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, it’s regressive.
  3. Go with the flow.
  4. Keep going, however you know how. It will improve.
  5. Exercise patience. Wanting it to be over and doing everything in your might to make it so, will not make it so. Can you plant a seed today and it bear fruit tomorrow?It has to take its natural course, whatever ‘it’ is.
  6. For the love of God, learn the lesson (lol). This one was for me, but still, I thought it might be useful for you too.

Xo

Seasons

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The weather in London has been amazing! But if you’re from here, you know all too well how fleeting it is, and how eager we all are to enjoy it whilst it’s here.

Seasons. We might not like them but we need them, whether we recognise it or not. Everything has its time. A time to work and a time to relax.

What are you working towards? And is it working for you? Because if not, maybe it’s time for you take a step back and assess what season you’re in.

When we resist what is happening for us, we cause further pain and strife to ourselves.

There is however another option, to stop resisting, relax and get into the flow of your season. I know, it’s difficult to relax when you have these dreams that you need to make happen, which are obviously not going to come on their own, right? Well, not entirely. Sure you have to do something, but notice how things come to you much faster when you’re relaxed, and the urgency isn’t there? You might have even forgotten about the thing itself and suddenly it appears. This is what will happen once you choose to accept versus resist.

I know it’s annoying when things aren’t working how you want it to, but what’s even more frustrating, is trying to force something to happen that is unripe.

If there is something you have been trying too hard at, choose today to relax. Take a deep breath, pull back and then get in tune with the vibration of your life. Pay attention to the things that are happening/working and flow with that, and you’ll soon find that the others things will begin to work itself out.

Xo

Magic? No, Work.

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‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t.

As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost.

I also know that doing the work is the actual key to unlocking rewards. And there’s no other way around it.

Usually that piece of work that I avoid becomes easy once I start doing it, then I’m bemused because ‘what was the big deal?, why was I avoiding this?’.

I’d had been procrastinating on writing a business plan for my next venture. When I did get around to it, I realised I had already completed a large portion of it on a previous occasion (I must have been delirious whilst doing it). Oh. So I can do it then.

With the new week upon us, what work have you been running away from? Run towards it. Grab it by the horns and make it your bitc submit to you. You already have what it takes, use it. Even if you don’t know how, start with what you know and things will begin to unfold.

I’m learning that with what you want, you can’t be afraid to work and sometimes work hard, as it is the very thing that will call forth your desires.

Xo

Nothing Lasts Forever

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Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing.

I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it.

Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says ‘this too shall pass’ and I am clinging to those words fiercely. And you should too.

Knowing that ‘life comes at you fast’ is why I do my best to relish the great things I experience and to find the good things during hard times.

To savour the great times here are a few things I do:

1. Be present. Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the colours, what you see, smell, who you’re with, where you are. Use all of your senses to interact and connect with the moment.

2. Be thankful. I make seemingly small moments bigger by being grateful for the things I am able to do. I take just a few seconds to be thankful for what I’m experiencing. Things like withdrawing money, buying food, paying a bill, getting my nails done, looking at my family, using my phone. You get my drift. And in doing these things, I notice what I feel about being able to do these things and remember it.

3. Give. Whatever you are able to do no matter how small or big for another person or cause, do it. It does not have to be the obvious things like money, it could be time, encouragement, fixing something, anything you’re led to. I firmly believe that irrespective of your state there’s always something you can do.

To elevate your spirit during difficult times:

Do your best to keep doing the above.

1. With being present, look at the things you typically take for granted and are easily overlooked. Things you always have and do not struggle for and cherish it that much more.

2. Do more of the things you enjoying doing. It could be a hobby or improving a skill you have or even learning a new one. I started cooking more which I hardly did. I’ve made some meals I haven’t made in almost 5 years and I feel much better for it. The idea is to not place so much focus & mental energy on what isn’t working out as doing that only exacerbates the situation in your mind. It’s especially important in cases where it is out of your hands.

3. Meditate everyday. Make time to be quiet and still and…talk to yourself out loud (not loudly). If you believe in a higher power, talk to them instead. You can start with 5 minutes a day and use your phone to set an alarm for this session. I currently don’t use music but when I do it’s either rain sounds or spa music, however silence is my preference. With the busyness of life, having ‘you’ time to reflect and create is essential to being able to function well. Might sound unusual but it actually can be therapeutic to be your own counsellor. I always feel refreshed afterwards.

Hope this helps.

Xo

Through Thick and Thin

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*Deeply exhales*

I was rebelling. I didn’t want to write on here anymore, it didn’t make sense to and the purpose of it all had significantly dwindled. Who’s reading anyway? (Says my ego).

But, it’s 5am in the morning and I’m meditating with rain music and something pushed me to read my old posts and as usual my own words minister to me. I connect with them because, well they are mine, and in that moment I remember why I wrote, to connect, with people publicly and privately. Isn’t that a worthy enough reason?

I guess what I’m saying is hi. That’s it. Just hi.

P.s I’m still in my feelings and I’d hate to have to be inauthentic.

A Blessing or a Curse?

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facetune_08-02-2019-18-32-36-1It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you.

Last week was rough for many people myself included. All sorts of weird and painful things were happening, but if you’re reading this it’s not too late to turn things around.

It’s a new week and whatever happened last week is now in the past and no longer happening, so what would you like to do next? You can choose to hold onto it OR let go and keep sowing great things now for your future.

One way to turn things around instantly, which you can do right away, is to shift your perception on your reality.

Can it feel fake at first? Yup, but with persistence it will feel normal and this will alter your reality.

For example, many people see paying bills as a chore and a pain instead of gift that affords them the lifestyle they live. Rather than bemoan it, say thank you every time you pay an expense, because you’re effectively being grateful for the things you get to experience everyday that once upon a time was but a dream. You remember what it felt like to not have the money to pay that bill and you had to ask someone for it, well now you don’t have to. That’s a blessing.

Shifting your focus onto what is good about a situation will always bear better fruit than exacerbating an already negative situation.

Pick one thing you want to feel different about and change the story you’ve made about it. Your mind is something you can control and that’s a super power. Use it wisely, be intentional for your good and that of others.

Speaking of which: you will have a great week, receive wonderful news and enjoy being alive with your loved ones 🙂

Xo