Question It

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Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post.

Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. And yes, whilst it may still contain notions previously thought of by those before us, we can however, develop those concepts further and make them our own.

When anything happens we assign a feeling, often predetermined by other peoples thoughts and experiences, and that then, informs and shapes ours.
For example, you interviewed for a job and were not chosen for the role. The automated modus operandi for many is that of failure, low self-esteem, incompetence, depression and the list goes on. 

But why does not getting what you applied for, have to mean all those things? 
What if—what if whatever happens to you, you refrain from immediately reacting to it, and simply question, observe and ponder on it before determining your truest feelings? You just might uncover what belongs to do you and what doesn’t.

Question your modus operandi. 

Xo

Latest from the Blog

Face Your Front

Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time. How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of …

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It Didn’t Work

It didn’t work. Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt?  We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now.  I often go back to what I was like as a child. …

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Face Your Front

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Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time.

How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of your energy from fruitless endeavours and redistributed into your own life?

When I reflect on a number of past activities, I momentarily feel a grave sense of regret because of what I allowed to fall by the wayside.
Energy is currency, and wherever you are spending it, is an investment you’re making each and every single time. With this in mind, what is your investment revealing to you?

I have regularly made other people and things a priority and we’ve all been taught to do that, often to our own detriment.
Truthfully, there will always be things to take care of and give yourself to, but it’s your responsibility to make your personal business of great importance and to see it through.
People are not always going to check in on you to see if you’re on track and doing what you said you’d do. You have to hold yourself accountable.
Create a system that gives you both the space to audit what you have done to date and develop your interests, and you can start by being present, analysing your thoughts, and examining your actions.

Only you know and understand the gravitas of the mandate you have for your life…Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live it out in this lifetime? and need I say it, the idea of tomorrow is a hope and not a guarantee.

XO

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Question It

Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post. Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. …

Continue reading

Endless Excuses

We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are. I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming …

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WDYWM?! Episode 8–Moving On

London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.

Lean In

I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find …

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It Didn’t Work

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It didn’t work. 
Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt? 

We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. 
We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now. 

I often go back to what I was like as a child. It reveals much of who we are today and who we could be.

When I couldn’t skip well, I skipped until I could.
When I could barely do a roly poly (forward roll), I practiced until I could to that and cartwheels.
When I wasn’t the fastest in a race, I ran until I got faster and faster.
When I was terrible at maths, I studied until I excelled at it. 
When I was told by my Sixth Form Law teacher to stop mucking around in class, I got an A in my coursework to silence her.
When I couldn’t swim, I learnt what I could from friends and later on in my 20’s I took lessons. 
When I was told I couldn’t do something and I disagreed with their opinion, I didn’t accept it as gospel. I instead invested the time and effort to ace it and prove myself right.

You were like that too. You relished the opportunity to know more, and you could spend hours on end practicing, learning, and doing it over and over again. What happened to that person?
The results of course were important, but the focus was in the undertaking, and this is what made the accomplishments sweeter.

Let’s get back to engaging with the process, and move away from obsessing about the outcome/whens, because truly that is where the real treasures lie; in the doing, in the learning, in the growing. The results are simply the icing on the cake. 

Xo 

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One Day You’ll Be Old

One day you will be old. At least I hope to be. As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and …

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WDYWM?! Episode 6–Unravelling

What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.

You vs Society

When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests. Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down …

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Endless Excuses

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We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are.

I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming a fear I had. I was keen to hear the solution to this matter and to be set free.

My expectation was for her to give me a well-thought-out, empathetic, reasonable response, but instead she said ‘Just do it’. That was it. No drawn out speech, no ‘I understand your plight’, no digging deeper to gain further insight.
I was flabbergasted.
Did she read ALL that I wrote?! Is she mad?! and I mentally came up with all the reasons why it wasn’t a matter of simply just doing it.
I didn’t have the words to respond with void of it being offensive, so begrudgingly I swallowed it and wrote thank you.

She was right though.
As time passed, I realised the truth and emancipation in those three words.
There’s no better way to get through or over something than by doing it.

I intend to hopefully do what she did for me for someone else today with words of my own, and its this; If you wanted to, you would.

Xo

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WDYWM?! Episode 5–Flights and Fights

There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.

WDYWM?! Episode 4–Shipped and Left Behind

We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.

Bursting at the Seams.

Man, the pressure. The pressure to be and do all is immense.  I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week. The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of …

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Lean In

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Photo by RF._.studio on Pexels.com

I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life.
Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find out when you press forward, and leap. Or at least hop.

In this season of transmutations, there is bound to be lots of uncertainty ahead and you may consider retreating into a corner. Don’t. Adjust your posture, straighten your back, wiggle your shoulders, take a deep breath, and lean in.

You are incredibly capable of dealing and moving through whatever lies ahead. Take a look at all you have accomplished thus far.

I came across a video of myself from 2 years ago. On the outside I looked fine, however things felt bleak and my energy was low. Nothing was aspirational.
A chuckle left my lips as the video played, because I was reminded that I can and will get through anything, as long as I continue to press on.
You will too.

Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.

Sheryl Sandberg

Xo

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Rolling in the Deep

It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with. In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time. A different …

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On An Island

If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember.  I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of …

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WDYWM?! Episode 2—The Time I Knew

We all have an internal GPS that guides us. Taking heed however, is a different matter altogether. This story is about a situ-lationship, that went on for entirely too long because I ignored myself and listened to others.

The Beginning: WDYWM?!

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot …

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One Day You’ll Be Old

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One day you will be old. At least I hope to be.

As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and it’ll show.
Many storms would it have weathered.
I will no longer have a choice about the texture of my skin, ageing will fix that permanently, and there’ll be little to nothing I can do about it.
In fact, it probably won’t matter much to me, as staying fit and healthy will be the priority.

I’ll remember all the times I didn’t like how I looked as I wistfully run my fingers over glossy finished photos of my younger self. I’ll wonder why the hell didn’t I think I was beautiful.
I know this because I sometimes do it now and recall how at the time I certainly didn’t think that. I’ll also think what an absolute shame to have not loved all of myself and wasted years wanting and waiting for it be different.

It’s cool to talk about self-love now, but practicing it isn’t as straight-forward.
Self-love in practice is radical. It’s when you begin your inner tirade about what you don’t like about yourself, and stopping midway and then changing the internal discourse to one of praise and kindness towards yourself.
It’s embracing all the parts you have been conditioned to believe is ‘bad’ and ‘unacceptable’ and saying fuck it, its mine and I love it!
It’s seeing yourself as you truly are, and saying yes, this is it.
It’s doing the uncomfortable things, that your future self will thank you for…because when you’re old, the weight of these things won’t hold, regret however, will.
Regret for all that you didn’t do, because of fear, ridicule, and going against the grain.

Have the courage to be fearless, and love you and your life fiercely, as the chance to start from the beginning won’t exist, but loving it right now as it is, does.

Xo

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Success–A One Size Fits All?

I have a gripe. For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me. Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in? …

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Protect Your Peace

I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health. So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. But all hope is not lost.  Protecting your peace and …

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Take Care Of It Now

Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense. You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone …

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You vs Society

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When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.
I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests.

Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down our throats at every turn. Partly because we need to earn money to live (this will always be messed up to me), and the other side is the acute desire to do more than just survive.
The downside of that, is a lot of the time the need to have, is driven by fear, and consequently that produces greed, abuse of power, and wickedness in some people.

That was never life’s design though.
When you look at the earth in its untouched glory, it works beautifully, seamlessly, without struggle, and all things co-exists, side by side.
I believe this is how we were meant to be.

Photo by vishal amin on Pexels.com

What lives we could have if we ceased to give into fears, and stopped forcing things to happen?
We have this idea if we do not do all that we do, everything will fall apart. It won’t. And even if it does, so what? Let it fall apart, and watch it all come together in order.

The upside of this time in our lives, is that we have had the space to reflect, and more of us are realising our power, and wielding it purposefully.

So as we start to see lots of go get it, make it happen and grind don’t stop messages to mark the beginning of a new week, I want you remember this story that you are probably familiar with. 

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

Photo by Jayant Kulkarni on Pexels.com

We have the same power as the fisherman, and all we need to do, is choose mindfully what we want and what we need for ourselves, by ourselves.
We are often too involved in things that are none of our business, and not attuned at all to what is our business.

I moved from one country to another in the last year because my peace of mind, wellbeing and quality of life is a priority to me. I recognised that I had the ability to decide. I chose to do what I was inherently drawn to.
By following that, I now wake up most days cherishing the life I am creating/have created.

Wouldn’t it be nice to say that you chose this life deliberately?

Xo

P.s New podcast episode this Thursday!

LATEST POSTS

Crystal Clear

You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that. Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t? In the past, I struggled with this. I …

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Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

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The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

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Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

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Bursting at the Seams.

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Man, the pressure. 
The pressure to be and do all is immense. 

I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.
To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week.

The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of all I have to do resurfaces.
Waves of overwhelm come and go, and I think ‘Shit, already? It’s not even Monday yet!’.
The urge to stay under a blanket increases.

‘One thing at a time Irene’, I hear myself say. Seconds later, I deflate like a popped balloon, releasing all the pressure, expectations and dread I was filled with. 
Yes, you’re right, one thing at a time. 

The way many of us live, even with mindfulness, is unnatural. In fact, some of us use mindfulness to fuel us in making the 101 things we think we should be doing, feel ‘sustainable’.
But we’re not robots, even though much of society expects us to be.

Look at what 2019 till date has shown us. The planet (conspiracy theories and all), told us to sit in the corner and do not move. And yet so many of us are eager to get back to living lives that we despised and our bodies hated. 

Speed: Slo-mo x 2.0. That’s the setting we need to be on more, at least whilst we figure out what we respectively want for ourselves.

For me, I recognise harmony is important, and part of that means not being resistant to the flow of my life and allowing it to guide what I do. Resistance equals dis-ease, discomfort, and frustration.

In the past, whenever I realised that I was using all of my might to make something to happen, I would stop and do nothing. And every single time I did that, my needs were still met, things worked as it should, and life continued.
I’m always a little amazed at what occurs for and around me without my forceful input. 
Granted, it’s not easy to release control, but in such moments, that is what is best.

The earth, without our input, works beautifully and in order. There is no force or great struggle.
It’s us humans, who are always in a hurry and want so much more. We proceed to do, so that we can have, and ultimately move at a pace that are bodies on every plain, cannot handle.

As the week continues, reflect on what you are doing. Do you really have to do it? Will everything crumble if you don’t do it?

Give yourself a break, and just deflate. And then slowly, very slowly, do the thing you authentically connect with. 

I deeply connect with philosophy and writing, and therefore I do it, sometimes kicking and screaming, because the semantics bog me down. It’s where I’m meant to be, at least for now. 

Don’t be afraid to let a few things go. Trust me, it will be fine without you. You on the other hand, might not be, if you continue to commit to a lifestyle that simply is not fit for your purpose.

Xo 

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In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

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First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

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2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

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Rolling in the Deep

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Photo by Lachlan Ross on Pexels.com

It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with.

In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time.

A different perspective that I wanted to share and for you to consider is, ‘I did it, I made it, I’m getting through it’.
What you thought would break you to point of being irreparable, didn’t, because you’re resilient and powerful.
You’re made of stuff to withstand all the things life throws, and you must acknowledge that, and show lots of love, compassion and kindness to yourself. And that’s not all you did.
You consistently created something out of nothing.
You pivoted like a ballerina and landed perfectly en pointe.
You took things into your own hands, and decided everyday to keep pressing forward even when you didn’t know how.
You mourned great losses, and although it felt like the pain of it all would kill you, it fuelled you and you used to make life a little better.
You still don’t know what tomorrow holds, and yet you’re committed to living life intentionally.
It’s not easy, and there are many days that you’d like to hibernate and wish your life away, but like a butterfly, you emerge from your cocoon, and try again and again and again.
You did that.
Bravo!

Change is inevitable, and we will experience multiple transitions in our lifetime, and when another one does come, I hope you recall how graceful you were in the times before, and know that you can take this on too.
Xo

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Good Choices

What choices have you made was a question I was asked today. I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite. I …

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Tier Me To Pieces

Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?  Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.I’m convinced Boris …

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Yours or Mine?

Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you?  Are you sure?  Are YOU sure? Just checking.  I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d …

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A Little Joy

I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!? Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As …

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On An Island

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If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember. 

I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. 
I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of my previous work.
I was stunned, and also a little disappointed. 
Disappointed, as looking back at me were brilliant ideas, both unfinished and completed, that due to the lack of foresight and belief, I set aside.
In retrospect, I felt that I was on an island alone and in turn began to believe that I wasn’t meant to be there. I soon enough made my way back to doing the norm. I mean how dare I break the mould?

I now know that being alone, and having a vision that no one else sees or understands, is often the prerequisite for something you must do.
You’re in the right place to create something great if no one else gets it. 

Take a look around you and touch something.That something was once something unseen and was created by someone initially thought to be stupid, insane, or impractical. We have planes that can take us anywhere in the world. Marinate on that for a moment. 

If you have something in your mind that there’s no precedent for, don’t be disheartened or grow weary. Nurture, extract, build or even destroy, to make your vision happen. 
No pressure though, you don’t have to, but if you don’t someone else certainly will, so why not you? Stay focused.

Xo

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Transitions

I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish. My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day. It’s fortuitous as our friends …

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Advocate For Yourself

I have a picture frame on my chest of drawers, and when I feel like it I change the picture to suit my mood. This time around I chose a baby picture of myself, and what I saw was my zest for life, excitement and innocence. I was full of promise. I also saw a …

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The Ground Is Fertile

The ground is fertile. Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals. All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s …

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A Whole New World

As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up.  I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the …

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Tenets

A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind. I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.I gave her my most …

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Death, Loss, A Gift?

We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.We’re merely passing through.  Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift.  4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as …

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Truth Hurts

I came across this post two days ago by Monika A Mazur, and felt attacked by it.  Can’t complain about results you don’t have for work you didn’t do. It convicted me, and reiterated that doing the work isn’t a part-time gig. Enjoy your weekend, but next week, we’re going to be on job! Xo

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The Beginning: WDYWM?!

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The Beginning.

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?
And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot of work. Add to that work a bit of self-doubt, a nice dose of brokeness, years of winging it and voila!

Most notably is that they all started somewhere.
I say all this as a reminder for me and you, that success is not typically linear. It is often messy, and will have you second-guessing your existence and why you chose this path. The beauty in this, is that you are not alone. Millions of people go through this, so don’t lose hope or give up.

A podcast to laugh, learn and lament.

This brings me to part of the reason I have been a little bit awol of late.
You probably saw a random post two weeks ago, with no words, introduction, nothing, just an audio clip.
Well, I am happy to say that I have officially launched my podcast called ‘Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!’ and you can listen to it on Spotify (see below), Apple Podcasts and Soundcloud.

I have spent over a year figuring it out, attempting to perfect it, throwing all ideas in the bin, then picking one or two back up, dusting it off and trying, and trying and trying again. As we speak I have thrown the towel in a hundred times today because of software issues. It does not want me to be great, but I will persist!

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?! is about all the things we go through privately that in reality is a shared experience. We might look different, but we’re all connected, and this podcast aims to bridge that gap by telling as it is.

The first episode of WDYWM is about ‘Grief’. Sadly many of us are experiencing this or will at some point in the distant future, and I share my experience and thoughts on navigating through this.

I truly appreciate your readership, and would love to have your listening ears too. I hope you enjoy listening.
Please do rate, share and comment. Thank you!
Xo

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Today Is A Good Day To…

You see the nice clothes in your wardrobe that you are saving for a ‘moment’ in your life? Wear it, because being alive is THE moment. The business you’re waiting for the right time to start because money, resources, and support isn’t there yet, sis, sir, those things will come, but you have to make …

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Words are Genies.

Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect. At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to …

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A Long Walk

I have written some of these sentences multiple times, willing words to automatically materialise. It didn’t. At least not with ease. Words still escape me.  This year The past few months The last three weeks have been worse than a Nightmare on Elm Street. When I said I could feel my second wind coming, I …

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When Life Stopped

Fam. -Usually precedes the beginning of a wild, terrible, crazy, unbelievable story. If you have been able to do something, anything, during this time, kudos to you. If you haven’t because life stopped, dropped, rolled (a euphemism for shit blew up), kudos to you too. In both scenarios, you are doing what is best for …

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Success–A One Size Fits All?

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I have a gripe.
For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me.
Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in?

Such remarks irk me, because whilst its well-meaning, it actually diminishes the individual, their choices and their offerings to the world, rather than the intended opposite.
It places unnecessary pressure for that person to perform and meet the invisible-ever-moving goal post of success. Not for them mind you, for other people’s pleasure. Ultimately, the underlying message is, you’re not good enough. Whew!

What could that do to a person’s self-esteem over a period of time? I’m sure some of you can relate, as you’ve had similar comments made about you.
And if we’re not vigilant, we can very easily slip into a deep abyss of unworthiness and a perpetual feeling of failure, that is hard to climb out of.

Success to me on some days, is waking up in time to attend my virtual french lesson at 7am. On other days it’s me being consistent with what I set out to do. Right now though, it’s me loving my life exactly as it is, curveballs, uncomfortable bits, confusion and all.

What is success to you void of outside influences? When you reflect, and come into the awareness of who you truly are, is whatever you are doing, in alignment?

I strongly believe in every person deciding for themselves, what’s for them, what isn’t, what success looks like and what it doesn’t.
We’ve all been trained to think of things as one way, and anything contrary to that is considered unacceptable, and that’s simply not true. There are so many shapes and sizes, and if you are a star, trying to be a square is unfair and harmful to you.

A mum was explaining how her baby decided to defecate as soon as the nappy came off. She laughed at it and then did the needful. The baby, obviously unaware of what they did, will continue to do as babies do.
How freeing? To do whatever you want, however you want and be accepted?
Just imagine if we allowed ourselves to be as free as babies are, to do whatever feels natural to us and be accepted as is…
It goes without saying that this does not mean descend into anarchical behaviour, as every action has a reaction, but outside that, the possibilities of who we could be and the lives we could lead are bountiful and endless.

To me, you being here, reading this post is proof of you as a success, but again, my opinion doesn’t mean much. Yours does though.

Xo

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New Normal

      In this new normal that the world is currently living in, something to remember as we connect more with ourselves, with others, and possibly blasts from the past is this: Words deceive, patterns do not. Look alive (Also stay alive). xo

Rest

Well that went left very quickly. 2019 was what I considered to be the year of the purge. It felt like we were going through a spiritual and physical transformation in preparation for the new decade, and I accepted that, however, I don’t think whatever that period was meant to teach us stuck, so here …

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A Will, A Way.

I have been willing myself to complete a post for weeks now to no avail. Five different topics with a beginning, a middle and no end. Huff. As I finished writing that last sentence, a thought came to me to just post one as is, and that’s what I’m going to do. Too often we …

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Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason, life goes on. No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on. It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by something, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the …

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Protect Your Peace

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I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health.

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. 
But all hope is not lost. 

Protecting your peace and following your bliss means taking risks. Big ones. Ones that scare the crap out of you, that turn your stomach, and make you second guess yourself. Ones, that there is no looking back. Yes, those ones. 
Could it be murky, scary, dark initially? Possibly. It could also be liberating, beautiful, freeing and life-changing.

‘Oh but I don’t know what’ll happen…’ Darling, we never know. The idea that we can guarantee results is wishful. We’re always wishful, with our thoughts, words and actions, and sometimes we hit the mark and other times we miss it entirely. But do we not try because we cannot ensure it? No! We do it anyway. 

And I don’t use wishful to be flippant, but as it’s defined by ‘having or expressing a desire or hope for something to happen’.

Our life is our responsibility. We can no longer hold onto what our parents did or didn’t do. That has passed. What will you do about making your life, a life that you do not want to run away from or hate?

Whatever you stay in or give to, that does not cultivate your best self will continuously break you down. Choose differently.
Be radical with redesigning your life and protecting your peace.
There will always be something happening, you cannot keep waiting for the ‘right’ moment–the ‘right’ moment is whenever you decide to move.

Xo

P.s I think it’s wonderful that February started on a Monday and will end on a Sunday.

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2019, Bye. 2020, Hello.

I am ready for the New Year and what it may bring however, there is a one thing I think we all should do. It is only right that as we enter into the year 2020 that we get clarity as where there is no vision, the people perish.  Get clear on the things you …

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What 2009-2019 Taught Me.

Before you receive an onslaught of all the decade stuff, I thought I’d quickly slide mine in there and share some of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years. I started this decade as a 22 year old, who didn’t know shit, still doesn’t, ha! Anyway, without further ado, here they are: Love …

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Finishing Strong

***Updated*** Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what have achieved and what we haven’t. We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2020’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2020 be any different if you’re …

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One At A Time

  I really hope this post meets you well. Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild. 2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, …

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Take Care Of It Now

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Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense.

You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone and you haven’t done it yet. You set new dates and times, and still do not take care of it. This cycle is repeated, until one day, all hell breaks loose, and you absolutely have no other choice but to deal with it.

This was me in 2017. It was time to let go of my car, but I did not want to.
On the things that I have accomplished that I still relish till today, the ability to drive is in my top 3. I love the freedom it gives me.
I go on a date and he’s acting weird? I hop in my car and zoom off (I have done this way too many times lol)
I want to hit up 4 locations in one night? I hop in my car and zoom off.
I want to drive to Wales for 24 hours? I hop in my car and zoom off.
Need to do a massive food shop at various places? I hop in my car and zoom off.
I do not have to wait on anyone or ask for permission, and I love it!

Me, sitting the car I am getting next 🙂

Can you see how letting go of my car was a challenge.
There is a saying, those who can’t hear must feel, and boy did I feel it.
Between June and September of that year, there were 3 car accidents. Did you hear me? I said THREE?! Who with years of experience finds themselves in that position? W-H-O?! These incidents were unnatural.
I am thankful that I and no one else was hurt, but I. was. pissed!

The message was loud and clear, it was time for it to go. At that point, I didn’t even care, get thee far away from me!
I learnt a huge lesson in doing things in a timely fashion. It could have cost me so much more…

It might not even make sense what you have to do, but do it!
If there is something you have been putting on the back burner, now is the time to deal with it. Take out the paperwork, read it, call up the bank, pay for life insurance, speak to that estranged person, register your business, start your YouTube channel, whatever it is, take care of it whilst you still have a choice.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Take A Picture

It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished. There’s a great way to address that, document it. I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but …

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Something’s Afoot.

I don’t know how its been for you (I hope great), but the first 6 months of this year for myself and many others that I know, was rough, still is. From deaths, loss of jobs, work issues, financial hardship, strained relationships, the list goes on. It’s been too strange, too common, too frequent, too harsh. …

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Trust the Process

My three biggest takeaways so far for 2019 are patience, trust and humility. I have had to exercise these qualities in various amounts, sometimes all at the same time. It is testing, but growing. Growing. I wonder if people understood what it meant, whether they’d still want to grow? We say it all the time, …

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Seasons

The weather in London has been amazing! But if you’re from here, you know all too well how fleeting it is, and how eager we all are to enjoy it whilst it’s here. Seasons. We might not like them but we need them, whether we recognise it or not. Everything has its time. A time …

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Crystal Clear

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Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com


You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that.

Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t?

In the past, I struggled with this. I could immediately think of what I didn’t want, and conjure up all manner of weird, scary, hypothetical things that could go wrong, but to be clear & visualise what I do want, I had to dig deep. As soon as I came into that awareness, I knew I had to fix it.

If you cannot make believe in your mind first, then there’s very little chance that you will experience it in reality. How can you create something you have not first pictured?

Notice your thoughts and practice building the picture.
Let’s pick something typical, like a house. What style of house? Detached, semi-detached? Is there a gate or garden? How many floors and rooms are there? Who lives there with you? and so on. Go as far as you’d like.
In this doing this, which might seem silly, you are training your mind to take you to the place visually with ease AND it develops your decision making skills.
You know what you want, have a point of reference, and direction.

Now more than ever, we have to use our imagination to get us through to the other side.
Think about it, everything we see, was once in someone’s mind. Everything around us, was once make believe. Imagine that?!

Perhaps you’ve been thinking that you have no control. This is your sign that you do and that there is something simple that you can do right now. You can use tools like a pen and paper, or mood and vision boards to help flesh out and define your ambitions.
I personally love writing (obviously) in a notebook, or notes on my phone, or putting pictures in my vision book, or meditating in the shower. Use whatever you like.

Whenever I use pictures, I always write the quality, characteristic, or feeling that I would like.

It’s Saturday, and a perfect time to imagine. Have fun with it!

Xo

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Magic? No, Work.

‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t. As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost. I also know …

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Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing. I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it. Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says …

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Through Thick and Thin

*Deeply exhales* I was rebelling. I didn’t want to write on here anymore, it didn’t make sense to and the purpose of it all had significantly dwindled. Who’s reading anyway? (Says my ego). But, it’s 5am in the morning and I’m meditating with rain music and something pushed me to read my old posts and …

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A Blessing or a Curse?

It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you. Last week was rough for many people …

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Gratitude

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Can you see the heart shape?

This week has been…*deep exhale*
In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly.
Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm.
We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given.

It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there.
I went downstairs and made a cup of chamomile tea.
Embracing the warmth pulsating through my hands, I took a cautious sip and followed the liquid as it travelled down. The heat inflamed my chest. 
What a beautiful feeling. To be alive. To experience. To feel. To be present.

Write down what you are thankful for, so you can visually see all your riches.
These are some of mine in no particular order.

Thankful to be healthy 
Thankful for my family 
Thankful for my brilliant mind 
Thankful for the wisdom instilled in me 
Thankful for a roof over my head 
Thankful for my partner 
Thankful for my friends 
Thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful that I can cook 
Thankful that I can eat what I choose to eat
Thankful that I can give 
Thankful for my vision 
Thankful for all my senses that work together beautifully 
Thankful for my bed and electric blanket
Thankful for my creativity 
Thankful for this blog
Thankful for the ability to write 
Thankful for the money that I have 
Thankful that I am always provided for 
Thankful for my intuition 
Thankful for discernment

Thankful for music
Thankful that things easily work out for me
Thankful for stillness in the midst of chaos 


With everything shifting and things disintegrating around us, I still have so much to be grateful for. I’m sure you do too. Let’s focus on that, and savour the small, almost indistinguishable moments, as those are the things that affirm our lives.

I wish you all an uplifting, rejuvenating & loving weekend

Xo

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I Could, I Should, I Might?

I have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better. Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out. I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple …

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Personal Enemy No 1…You.

  Self-sabotage. What a bitch. We’ve all done/do it and probably have experienced how difficult it is to unearth the habits that cause you to trip up and repeat stifling behaviours. Truthfully, it’s a scary thing to change your ways, as doing so requires you to push past who you currently are to be someone …

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I Chose This Life

  A few years ago I was knocking on doors, trying to find the person who owned the car that had scratched mine. One person opened their door and instead of paying attention to what he was saying, I was peering into his home as I couldn’t help but notice how different it was. It …

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Can You Focus On…Me?

It’s the 17th January (already?!) and dare I ask, how is it going? For some of the people I know it’s been, a bit, bluregh. And a bit bluregh is never a good way to feel. Maybe it’s the January blues or in London the gloomy weather? Whatever it is, as with most things, it’ll …

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The Gardener & Bouncer

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The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway.

What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device.
What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped in and now become a belief, that once upon a time you were vehemently against? What informs you everyday?…

You can’t let anything or anyone run up in your mind causing chaos and destruction. You have to be the bouncer at your minds gate.
You of age? You got ID? You in the dress code? You got the proper shoes on? You got the entry fee? Who are you here with? You got any sharp and dangerous objects on you?
You have to strip search everything! Be shrewd, cutthroat even, because any untoward thought can cause havoc immediately and over a period of time.
If what comes to you doesn’t serve you positively, then sorry Miss, Sir, NO ENTRY! BOUNCE!


A well cultivated, irrigated and pruned mind is a daily job, that only occurs from continuous introspection and self-awareness.
If you give in to something that is vibrating at a much lower frequency than what you want, acknowledge it, and then choose differently–Prune those weeds and plant a few good seeds instead.
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. It takes time to consciously choose what thoughts to nurture, and what to filter out, so give yourself grace and be patient, but don’t give up.

Xo

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Happy New Year!

I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and also this: May this new year be better than the last in every way  May this new year be filled with a thousand reasons to celebrate  May this new year make all your previous efforts worth it May this new year cause you to create …

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Lone Ranger

My siblings and I were talking about favourites with our parents and we joked that I was the black sheep as I didn’t have a parent that I favoured. That statement didn’t surprise me at all. I seldom did things the way others did and this made me stand out like a sore thumb.  For …

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First Impressions

Since being away I have been plagued with the tales that I have heard about this country as a child. Sometimes I’m uneasy because of it. I have lived here and loved it but that part, that part never went away. I can’t seem to shake of those stories that I heard and watched on …

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If Only You Loved Yourself

Works like a charm. Every time I openly confess my feelings about something, freedom follows. Give it a go, release your feelings and it need not be public but it must be seen by you. When you release the feelings, it no longer owns you and keeps you captive.  Back to today’s post. It’s so …

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Nothing Was The Same

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20/06/2020

Nothing was the same.

Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before.
And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch.

We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from tectonic plate shifting moments in history, such as this.

Conspire with life. Form an alliance that you will do your best, and it will do the same to support you and your endeavours.
The dawn of a new era is upon us, and the ground is fertile.

Are you up for the task?

Xo

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Trials

Whew it’s been a minute. It’s not that I haven’t thought about you, I have. I think about you often and want to write. I pick up my phone, open notes and nothing. Stringing a sentence together has felt like pulling teeth and if I am honest I simply haven’t felt like it. I know …

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Drop the Weight.

You know what that weight is…it’s the thing you use as an excuse for your lack thereof or mediocrity. You hold onto it as it makes you feel justified; family, friends, job, money, resources, pretty much anything can sound like a valid reason to not have or do something. But what you don’t realise, is …

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On Your Team

In case no one has told you this recently, I’m on your team! I have many interests that I’d love to explore and maybe share, however I have chosen to use my blog for its current purpose, because I have on many occasions needed a ‘me’. And by that I mean someone who can be …

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Fumbling in the Dark

Remember when you were a kid and you for the first time, entered a room you’d never been in. It was pitch black and although there was no real reason to be scared, you still were. You don’t know where the light switch is, and you can hear your heart beating out of your chest. …

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In My Feelings

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I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. 
Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it…

Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have done for over a decade.
It’s the not the mode of transportation that’s nerve-wracking. It’s the mandatory, and sometimes very unnecessary red tape that has me feeling out of sorts. 

I was on my way back into London from France, and needless to say things have changed. 
I can’t queue up with my European mates anymore. I don’t belong and it’s a sad sad affair.

The process made me feel like an other, and I, like most people, do not like to feel like an other.
That, along with other new procedures and the Edna doppelganger cutting one of my cherished pieces of jewelry to smithereens made the journey unpleasant.
Welcome to post-brexit. 

I couldn’t ‘hummm’ or ‘kumbaya my lord’ out of this one and that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset as long as you don’t do anything irresponsible or regrettable. 

Anyway what’s my point? My point is I’m human and have off days, low moments and stressful periods, and experiencing these things, even for extended periods of time is perfectly normal. 
I’ll say it again, is perfectly normal. 

In such times, and you’ve probably not heard this enough, refrain from self flagellation of any kind.
Instead, feel the feels and let it pass through. Don’t suppress it, because you’re not a stuffed teddy void of emotions, you’re human and all feelings are a natural part of being alive.

For whatever reason, society has only made “good” emotions permissible. The rest is shunned and considered abominable.
No wonder we’re perpetually miserable! We’ve been repressed since we were children, and told that it’s not okay to cry, or to be angry, or to be jealous or whatever other emotion is considered unacceptable. As a consequence, these suppressed emotions sometimes manifest itself through our bodies in the form of (a) dis-ease.

Yin and yang - Wikipedia

The irony is, those taboo emotions are part of the Yin and Yang, and a pendulum swings both ways for a reason; balance.

So if you are angry, be angry, if you are hurt, be hurt, if you are sad, be sad. The only caveat with this, is to not act in a way that is detrimental to you or others.
Let your emotions exist without judgment. By doing this is how you begin to exercise mastery over self. You gain a better understanding of who you are and what belongs to you, and over time and with practice, you can observe the emotions and consciously choose what you do next…it will be your superpower.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.

Oscar Wilde

Xo 

LATEST POSTS

Rejected…again?

I don’t know whether there are people who are unaffected by rejection and if they exist someone point them my way, I need some tips. I think most would agree that being rejected once, sucks, but multiple times? Its the worst. And yet it’s inevitable, we cannot escape it no matter who we are or …

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I Wish It Wasn’t So

The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. My friend passed away suddenly and it is the most painful experience of my adulthood. I am not ready to start losing friends yet, we’re in our early 30’s, you die of old age not abruptly. Franklin was the sweetest, gentlest and caring person and …

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Ask the Right Questions

A few friends of mine would make fun of me saying I asked too many questions.  ‘Questionnaire’ is what they’d call me. I don’t always need to have the full information but enough for me make an informed decision; after all my brain works, why should I leave all the decision making to someone else …

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Am I Qualified?

Ever had a new goal that you were super excited about? You’re filled with the possibilities of what achieving this goal will do for you and you cannot wait to get started. You plan and establish the actions you need to take and then unexpectedly your insecurities surface. What if I’m not qualified? Who said …

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First of the First.

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Meet Perfect Pattie, our plants name 🙂

01.01.2021.
There is something satisfying about this date.
It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.
Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened.
It’s in the past.
So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your life, just as you like it.
Carpe Diem!
Xo

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Gratitude

Wait till it’s taken away from you, maybe you’ll remember to be grateful for what you have in future. It’s so easily done isn’t it? Things are good, every area of your life is booming as you’ve always wanted, ‘you’ve got it like that’…until you don’t, and all hell breaks loose. Part of the pain …

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Chasing Waterfalls

TLC said it best. It can be a difficult pill to swallow when you’re in pursuit of something that doesn’t want you back. No matter how much you do it simply does not want to materialise or work out how you’ve envisioned. In that there’s a lesson; don’t force it, let it go. It means …

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Thoughts Become Things

My contract is ending soon. The nature of the job means expecting it to terminate at any moment. I know this and had been mentally preparing myself for what could happen next. Out of nowhere I started to think about finances, could I manage if I didn’t get another contract for a little while? Will …

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Don’t Forget to Exhale 

Hey. Psst. Don’t run off to start your weekend just yet, read me, it’ll only take a couple of minutes. I love a Friday night just like anyone else except I prefer to stay in to unwind and decompress. If you’re a Londoner like me or live in a city where the pace is fast, …

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2021.

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Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.

When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.

We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.

Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.

I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.

As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox


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As If By Magic

On Monday I asked you to get imaginative, write it down, make it plain and then dispose of it somewhere. Did you do it? Tut, the insolence! I should turn you all into salt, well if I could and maybe if I was God or Medusa but I’m not, so, erm, anyway…There are many different beliefs …

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Make Believe

Welcome to class folks. Today’s assignment is to make believe again.  As kids we were encouraged to write stories, be creative and imagine, fast forward to being adults its “be serious, stop fooling around, you’re not a kid anymore”. Huh? How? Why? Make believe is in my opinion a very necessary part of creating life itself. …

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Why I’m No Longer Sharing

From this day forward I am no sharing with friends. Whenever I find out something new, useful or potentially life changing, I am quick to share it with the people close to me. I want them to do good too, I want them to know what’s possible, I want them to believe in themselves more. …

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Pursue Your Goals

I went running on Tuesday I nearly died Bye. Just kidding. About the bye that is, not about the dying because I honestly feel like every week I’m close to saying ‘God is that you?’ after a training session. It’s brutal.     Here’s another confession: I’m shit at running No, sorry, slow at running …

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

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On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

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Bounce Back

If you have ever loved someone or something, there’s a high chance that you’ll experience a deep pain at some point. And when it happens, boy does it suck. Pain is one of the things you cannot avoid and yet is one of life’s best teachers. How do you bounce back from a painful experience? …

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Don’t Miss This Moment

Don’t you just love Sunday’s? I love them because I get to really relax, and the pace always seems slower so I enjoy things even more. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, speaking of which, how are you enjoying your Sunday? A lot of us spend way too much time looking forward to what’s …

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‘Bad Energy Stay Far Away’

🗣 It’s Friday, Whoomp there it is! When you think about it, it’s a terrible way to think about Friday, because what does that say about your life in general? Anyway we’re working on creating the life we want whilst appreciating the one we have aren’t we? The other day I spoke about disengaging and …

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A Little Me Time

Recently I have felt like my interactions with those close to me have become a bit stale, and it seemed to have happened ever so rapidly. We’re just not gelling like we used to, and with life evolving so quickly, our paths are diverging in a way that’s challenging and causing me to really reassess …

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Good Choices

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What choices have you made was a question I was asked today.

I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. 
My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite.

I chose instead to write down the choices I made that worked out well, the decisions that turned into something marvellous; lifelong friendships, priceless moments, great financial gains, seeing the world, dedication to handling my business and therefore having peace of mind, being responsible, working smarter and much more. 
And as I did so, my trust in my abilities increased. I felt more empowered and actually, I do make f*cking great decisions. The list is proof of that. 

We don’t talk up enough our great commitments and how exceptional we’ve been due to what we did, and it’s high time we start. 

Spend 5 minutes listing the choices you made, be it big or small, that paid off or flourished or gave you an unforgettable gift.
Relish in what you come up with and commend yourself for being a remarkable human. 

Xo

90 Days

Pinch Punch its the First of the Month! Can you believe it’s October already? How?? It must be a getting older thing, because I don’t remember time flying by like this when I was a child, but then again what did I know? With that being said, what’s the plan for the rest of the …

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This Is the Life We Spoke Of

This is the life we spoke of. Don’t believe me? How many times have you said I’m broke? How many times have you said I hate my job? How many times have you said My life is shit? How many times have you said No one loves me? How many times have you said I’ll never …

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Born With It

A blog post could take me a day or two, maybe more before I actually post it. I’ll fuss over the details like ‘does it make sense? Am I chatting shit? Will a reader relate? For flip sake I missed a word, this doesn’t flow…’ and the conversation continues. It’s annoying. Honestly. But that’s the …

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Tier Me To Pieces

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Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office? 

Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.
I’m convinced Boris hates his constituents. 
Everything, is too little, too late.

I understand that this is brand new for all of us, including the government. The difference however, is that they have access to experts in every field to guide them on how to best manage the pandemic and people, along with their expectations, well-being, and livelihoods.
Also, we’re all privy to seeing how other countries have dealt with efficacy. For goodness sake, take notes!

Clear messaging creates clear expectation, which avoids disappointment.

We all hate what this pandemic has done, but it’s the management of it all that’s one of most challenging things about it. 

The messaging has been unclear, impractical, and simply cannot be trusted. 
The ping ponging of our physical, emotional and mental well-being is what is taking a huge toll on everyone. Its our lives in the balance— double entendre intended.

I watched this video a little while back (see below) and this principle, is one way to effectively manage things in difficult and unprecedented times.

If anyone knows the PM, please direct him to this post.
Thanks, management.

That’s my little rant over. Back to us.

For us as individuals, we have a responsibility to ourselves. We cannot afford to rely on the elected to make decisions that support us.
So in this transformational period, pivot.
This has been my saving grace. When plans do not work out, I work with what’s working, I look at the alternatives, I face what’s immediately in front of me not months ahead, I control what I can control, and leave the rest.
Standing in one spot and allowing life to happen to us in every aspect is only going to pull us further and further away from our nirvana.

Shift your focus and pool your energy into a penetrable cause. Think of yourself as an athlete, say a tennis or basketball player or even a footballer. Consider how they constantly look for the opportunity to win. That’s what we can do too, win.
N.B Everyone’s winning is different.

…And I have every faith that as resilient and buoyant people, we will recover, like always.

Xo

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Life On Your Terms

Good morning! I really hope you’re doing well. I wanted to drop a quick note and ask a question: are you living life on your own terms? To elaborate a little more, is the life you’re living yours by design or other peoples design? And really think about that answer. Over the past few months, …

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You Sow, You Reap.

Just like yourself I need reminders all the time about the things I should be thinking about and working on and I received one this morning. Whatever you’re living in now, is your harvest. Marinate on that for a moment. Whilst it’s great to be living in the now as you should, we do need …

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The Value of One

I recently came across a lady called Karin Bohn who is awesome! She is an interior designer, business owner and entrepreneur based in Vancouver, Canada. I discovered her about 2 weeks ago and haven’t stopped watching her videos. She gives real day to day insight into her wins, challenges and losses of all the different …

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Keep That Same Energy

It’s 8:20 am and I’m scheduled to be on time for work- woop! I’m hosting interviewees and the first person is set to arrive at 9:00 am so I can’t do my usual ‘stroll into work at late o’clock’. Seeing as I should make it in slightly before 9’o clock, a thought crossed my mind …

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Yours or Mine?

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Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you? 

Are you sure? 

Are YOU sure?

Just checking. 

I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively. 
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.

Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it. 
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.

I want my own business- do you really? 

I want a huge wedding- do you really?

I want to be a billionaire- do you really? 

I want this body type- do you really? 

I want to be famous- do you really?

How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?

One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up. 
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.

But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.

Bisou xo 

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“I Woke Up Like This”

Last week I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. It was beautiful, a true blessing. In the midst of celebrations I had reflective moments as I usually do in these situations. I thought about how wonderful all the different relationships (friends, relatives, couples) were, however, I was quickly reminded that things were not always …

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Greatness Over Time

Last week Thursday I was looking back on the things I have done to date and I have to be honest, I was pretty impressed with myself, like really impressed. I love what I have been able to do so far and I didn’t think I would ever say that at this point. As a …

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Plastic Surgery: Should I do it?

It’s Sunday and I’m lazing around looking on social media and I see someone who I hadn’t seen in a while, something was different. Her breasts were huge and quite tender looking, snap! She’s had work done. I noticed her friends too, all their bodies looked exactly the same.  It was clear they shared similar …

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Call It Quits?

You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it. Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing …

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A Little Joy

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I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?

Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!

This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.

Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.

We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.

That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?

Before

A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)

Christmas Decorations
After

The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!

My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
xo

This is it currently 🙂

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Being 30

At 22 I made a video with my then boyfriend (not that kind of video, ya nasty) about what I wanted to accomplish by 30. Unfortunately I do not have the video to refer back to as he deleted it when we broke up- salty. Anyway, I remember having such grand plans of what I …

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Not About This Life!

I do contract work, so that means every few months I change jobs and for the most part I like it. I don’t get stuck anywhere especially if I am not that keen on it (I may or may not have commitment issues, but that’s for another post). Of course there are pitfalls such as …

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Where’s Your Head At?

A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry. Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however …

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The Danger of Expectations

Do you always get what you want? Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed. They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much …

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20 Things to Know In Your 20’s – Part 2 (Reposted)

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My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.

For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.

“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch, but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had.
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom.
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on.
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich your life.
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline, otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better.

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo”

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My First Time

I was in love once. You never forget your first time. I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth. …And with first loves comes first …

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How Does It Feel?

How Does It Feel? The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now. I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it. I found …

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I Just Want To Be Successful

I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too. Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can …

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The Finish Line

We all know the story of the Tortoise and Hare and if you don’t you can read about it here. It’s almost impossible to ignore what people are doing, how they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with (ew get your mind out of the gutter). There are images and videos everywhere you turn! …

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Transitions

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I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish.
My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day.
It’s fortuitous as our friends stateside near the end of the presidential election, and my family and friends in England are preparing for a lockdown and I, well, I’m already in a lockdown in France. It’s all systems go and transitions of all sorts are afoot. 

Transitions can be ugly, messy and traumatic. Even the beautiful and welcomed ones can still be difficult and sad.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re all experiencing a transition period of varying degrees, consisting of upheavals, rapid change, deep losses and lots of growing pains.

Naturally, there’ll be emotions that come up as you go through this phase, but don’t dismiss or suppress them as they surface. Allow them to breathe and work through them.
By doing this, you’re clearing the way and getting rid of the gunk in a healthier fashion and in turn making space to think clearly, and direct your energy where you truly want it.

Trust me, I get it. There is so much going on and it’s challenging to sift out what is for you and useful, and what isn’t.
With this in mind, what has become increasingly clear over the past few months is the power of words. And in this era of instant send and receive, it is crucial to own and use language that is not only yours, but in cultivating the circumstances you want to bring to life.
So be intentional. Create a haven for yourself with whatever you have. Envision something greater and keep going—You’ve made it this far, you’ll get through this too!

Xo

P.s I am still not entirely pleased with this post. The words just lack synergy, it feels gritty, but the aim is progress, not perfection.

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Are You Sure You Want This?

Sunday night I say my prayers, set my intentions, I feel good and I go to sleep. Before 8 am this morning, I had 2 unexpected things pop up with a promise to throw me off track. I say to myself ‘It’ll be fine, I’ll handle it’. I jump in the shower and as I …

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In All Honesty…

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up. I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having …

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The Signs

Dare I say it I am excited that it’s Monday and the start of a new week! Everything that happened last week is now in the past and we have new opportunities to make good on, so go forth and prosper! The Signs  Energy doesn’t lie, it can’t, it just is. I, like a lot …

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The Dreams Free, Hustle Sold Separately

I love dreaming, day dreaming to be exact. I can set the place, time, event, who’s there and make it as big and as wonderful as I want it to be. The best part is that you can do it anywhere and at any time. You may feel elevated after the quick or not so …

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Advocate For Yourself

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I have a picture frame on my chest of drawers, and when I feel like it I change the picture to suit my mood.
This time around I chose a baby picture of myself, and what I saw was my zest for life, excitement and innocence. I was full of promise.
I also saw a little girl that over the years was unprotected, not well supported, disappointed and sad. Perpetually sad.

In that moment I decided that whilst others may not have taken up for me as a child, because of their own things and not having the best tools, I, will take up for me.
I am not child anymore, and although she (I) still needs nurturing, I am now better equipped to give myself the care, support, and gentleness that I need(ed), and advocate for myself.

What does advocating look like for me currently? Advocating for myself is investing in therapy for 3+ years and counting, setting and maintaining boundaries, changing my environment, starting all over again, doing things that bring me joy, shedding old ways, thinking for myself and doing what I want to do, not what society, or family, or friends think I should do, guarding my heart and all my senses, and much much more.

We no longer have to wait for a Knight or Dame in shining armour. The person you have been waiting for is you.
So how will you advocate for yourself?
The beauty of it is, you get to decide how it happens.

Unlearning and learning the things that edify you is never easy and is seldom straightforward, but commit to the process and to designing a life that you not only love, but are proud of.
And as you consider how you will support yourself, the compassion, grace, and care that you often extend to others, gather those things and give it to yourself.

Xo

The Ground Is Fertile

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The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

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It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work. There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and …

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SShhh Don’t Talk About It

I just got back from a solo trip to Malta. If you have ever tried to organise a trip away with others you’ll know how incredibly frustrating it can be. After months of trying to get it together with others, I scrapped those efforts and said right I’m going alone! I didn’t tell anyone until …

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Food For Thought: The Grind

I am starting a new thing called ‘Food For Thought’ where once a week, I write a sentence or two for personal rumination. I do think less is more and rather than constantly bombard you with an essay every couple of days (I’ll still do this), I thought it’d be good to give a few …

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It’s Not You, It’s Me.

Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There …

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A Whole New World

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As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up. 

I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the director to shout ‘cut’ to end scene, as surely this cannot be real life?! 

It caused me to think of my childhood, and how I was conditioned to believe that ‘grown ups’ were all knowing and made sound decisions. Ha!
Of course that isn’t entirely true, and truthfully it’s unnerving, because who do you trust? Who can you rely on to make decisions that have your best interests at heart? Decisions that will impact your future and other generations?
Those that we have elected intentionally or not, are simply not connected to the issues that affect a majority.

With that said, we cannot afford to give all the power to people evidently ill-equipped. It is up to us to design a life that works best, despite the recession, pandemic, Brexit, questionable leadership, and myriad of other things.

This might mean changing your lifestyle, moving cities, taking up causes, career changes, retraining or doubling down on the vision you have for your future.
And no, you cannot half-heartedly do it. There can be no dipping of toes into water, or observing others go for it, looking for evidence in their moves as to why perhaps you shouldn’t.
You, must pursue your dreams, with reckless abandon.

A whole new world (a whole new world)
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us, “No”
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

Xo

Latest Posts

S/He is “Goals”

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours. Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be …

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3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis

I planned to write on something completely different, but after a brief conversation with an old friend in which she sent me an article, I thought maybe this article would be useful to others like me. The 3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis. If you’re affected by one P, you’ll be affected by two and likely …

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Make Room

I have an iPhone and it feels like every few seconds it tells me ‘Storage almost full’. Seeing this message has become the absolute bane of my life. I then start the process of looking for things to delete in order to create space and what I usually find tends to surprise me. ‘How did …

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Tenets

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A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.

I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.

  1. No, your idea is not stupid. Run with it. The journey from inception to fruition might be a jog, sprint, or marathon, whatever it may be, just start! It doesn’t matter what it looks like, if there are errors or if it’s not exactly how you envisioned it, put ALL of that aside and start with what you have. And yes, you might be the only one who believes in it, still do it!
  2. The best way to get better is to ‘do’. Do more, and that means practice, practice, practice! Practice precedes progress and improvement. Practice well.
  3. Consistency. This one will make or break what you do. Do not underestimate it at all. Your work and purpose depends on it. It won’t be like that forever, but at the beginning and perhaps for a (very) long time, make consistency your goal. Think of anyone you consider to be successful, were they an overnight success? Absolutely not. It was consistency, trial and error and patience.

The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.

Xo

Latest Posts

A Single Mind

You cannot have two masters, one will rule over the other. Ever tried to go left and right at the same time? It’s impossible. It works the same if you are double minded. When working towards a goal, you cannot willingly accept alternative outcomes because the likelihood is you’ll end up with the least desired one. …

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To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

To find your peace, you must face your beast. Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared …

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“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you. At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push …

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Death, Loss, A Gift?

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We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.
We’re merely passing through. 

Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift. 

4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as long as we did? To do all that he did?
A gift 🎁

My friend Franklin ascended 4 months after diagnosis. And whilst his life was even more brief in years, I still feel very grateful to have known him. 
A gift 🎁 

God could have called them home a lot sooner. 

We do not determine when we will leave, so with what you have, make sure when it’s time to go, you’re empty.
Franklin gave me his belief in me and constant support. 
Chadwick gave us a piece of history, and a reconciling of who we are, not just in Black Panther, but in his life’s work. 

Be a gift, leave a legacy.
🎁

May they and those who have left this earth, rest in perfect peace.

Xo

 

Truth Hurts

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I came across this post two days ago by Monika A Mazur, and felt attacked by it. 

Can’t complain about results you don’t have for work you didn’t do.


It convicted me, and reiterated that doing the work isn’t a part-time gig.

Enjoy your weekend, but next week, we’re going to be on job!

Xo

Latest Posts

Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

Part 1 “Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car.  She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over …

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This is 30!

I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting. At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could …

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20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s: Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be …

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The Year of Realisations

As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase. A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to …

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Today Is A Good Day To…

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Yup. Got a piercing and went blonde.

You see the nice clothes in your wardrobe that you are saving for a ‘moment’ in your life? Wear it, because being alive is THE moment.

The business you’re waiting for the right time to start because money, resources, and support isn’t there yet, sis, sir, those things will come, but you have to make the first move.

The relationship you’re afraid of committing to because of the hurt you’ve experienced in the past (emphasis on ‘in the past’), well, it is time to move on. I mean hello?! Life is short! Live a little lot.

The house you want that you’ve considered a fantasy, man make the call, find out what you need to do, arrange a virtual tour, hire a financial adviser, speak to the bank, yes now, even in these uncertain times, because eventually the tide will change and you will be ready.

The life you have dreamt of creating in a new country but now seems impossible, do not abandon the dream! Get online, research, apply for the visa, YouTube is your friend and go for it!

The body that you want, first of all, love yours and then make adjustments. You cannot truly have what you do not first feel, no matter any physical alterations you may make.

During this wild ride of 2020, I have seen people buy homes, move across the world to start a life with their fiancé, get married, secure new jobs, make the most amount of money they have ever made, sell out of products multiple times over, you name it, its happening. And it could be happening for you. 

There will always be ‘something’ and or a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, the good thing is, you only need one reason why you should.
Take that leap, or at least hop.

Xo

P.s I have exciting news to announce soon. You’ll be hearing my voice, wherever you are in the world eek! From pen pals to ASMR. Can’t wait!

Latest Posts

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff. I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up. I am kicking …

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Finishing Strong

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what’ve achieved and what we haven’t. We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2018’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2018 be any different if you’re not doing …

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Somebody’s Watching

Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’. You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger. Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were …

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Words are Genies.

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Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect.

At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to complete all the things I set out to (because regular procrastinator/perfectionist here).
I say courage, because sometimes I often experience fear, and to overcome fear, is to do the thing, and to do the thing, courage is needed.

As I uttered the word courage, I had break in thought, ‘Are you sure you want courage?’.
I paused. ‘Yes, courage is what I want’.

My prayer was interrupted by that thought because history has shown me that what you want, will often challenge you, and you might not like what you have to do to get there.

I eventually fall asleep and wake up a few hours later.
I express my gratitude that I, my family and friends are alive and well and start my day.

As my coffee brews, I make a chocolate and peanut butter sandwich (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Then out of nowhere, my mood took a nose dive.

The more I thought about all the things I planned to do, the deeper the desire to do nothing became. I only wanted to lie in bed in my birthday suit.

I messed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for courage? Maybe I should have asked for something else?
The feeling of inertia was getting stronger, and I knew I needed to shift gears and break the depressive grip forming.

A message from my fitness instructor/friend came through. My heart leapt for a joy a little, as I hoped the text would read that he’d have to cancel today’s zoom workout session. No such luck. He was just checking that we were good to go at 2:15pm.

Reluctantly I wrote ‘See you at 2:15pm’. I figured my mood might have picked up when it was time, but truthfully I did not want to see him or anyone at 2:15pm.

In the meantime, I attempted to pep talk myself. I half chuckled, half grimaced, because I knew asking for the courage to accomplish things this week could quite possibly give me the complete opposite feeling, meaning I’d really have to work for the courage. And that’s what happened.

2:15pm rolls around and you guessed it, I haven’t moved.

Me: We have to?

Him: Yes. Yes we do.

For ****sake!

Sluggishly, I put on my workout gear, grab my laptop, workout mat, water, fan, and head to the living room to begin this workout.

I did it. I completed the workout.
My form was off and I got tired very quickly, but I did it.

It might seem like a small feat, but dragging myself to work out, stopped the fall into a sunken place, and refocused my mind and energy towards being productive and ultimately where I wanted to be.

So what’s my point? Be mentally prepared for what you’re asking for, as it will come and if you’re not vigilant, you’ll let the opportunity pass you by because it’s “too hard”, “too long”, “too much”, “too right”.
It’ll be easy to want to give up, but rather than give up,  give in to it. Go with it, flow with it, work with it, but least of all reject it, because on the other side, is what you are looking for.

Xo

Question It

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Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post.

Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. And yes, whilst it may still contain notions previously thought of by those before us, we can however, develop those concepts further and make them our own.

When anything happens we assign a feeling, often predetermined by other peoples thoughts and experiences, and that then, informs and shapes ours.
For example, you interviewed for a job and were not chosen for the role. The automated modus operandi for many is that of failure, low self-esteem, incompetence, depression and the list goes on. 

But why does not getting what you applied for, have to mean all those things? 
What if—what if whatever happens to you, you refrain from immediately reacting to it, and simply question, observe and ponder on it before determining your truest feelings? You just might uncover what belongs to do you and what doesn’t.

Question your modus operandi. 

Xo

Latest from the Blog

The Ugliness of it All

Like Giggs infamous lyrics say ‘It will get bloody, it will get gory’, such is the premise of progression, success and greatness. I had a ‘moment’ yesterday where I felt like the aspirations and plans I had for my life weren’t happening nor had they come to pass. I silenced everything and connected with that …

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One Person Can

A new opportunity has arisen for me and I subsequently began to think about the possibilities of what I’ll be able to do, change and improve upon. The excitement of it all boiled over. And then one thought stopped me in my tracks, “I’m one person, can I really make the difference I envision making?”. …

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New Week: Press Reset

Who taught you to stop believing? Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me …

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Face Your Front

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Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time.

How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of your energy from fruitless endeavours and redistributed into your own life?

When I reflect on a number of past activities, I momentarily feel a grave sense of regret because of what I allowed to fall by the wayside.
Energy is currency, and wherever you are spending it, is an investment you’re making each and every single time. With this in mind, what is your investment revealing to you?

I have regularly made other people and things a priority and we’ve all been taught to do that, often to our own detriment.
Truthfully, there will always be things to take care of and give yourself to, but it’s your responsibility to make your personal business of great importance and to see it through.
People are not always going to check in on you to see if you’re on track and doing what you said you’d do. You have to hold yourself accountable.
Create a system that gives you both the space to audit what you have done to date and develop your interests, and you can start by being present, analysing your thoughts, and examining your actions.

Only you know and understand the gravitas of the mandate you have for your life…Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live it out in this lifetime? and need I say it, the idea of tomorrow is a hope and not a guarantee.

XO

LATEST POSTS

The Single Life

Navigating through life certainly has its ups and downs and I am starting to think that with some things there is no right or wrong, only better. In keeping with the theme of other posts this week, I thought I’d share 2 things single (and non-single) people should do before entering or considering a relationship. …

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Cuffing Season

Winter is here! And cuffing season is upon us. The struggle to find a bae is real.  For those of you that don’t know what cuffing season is, by my definition it’s the autumn/winter period where due to the drastic change in weather, people find themselves a partner. It may be for the purpose of …

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Would You Date You?

Would you date you? Be honest. Not your typical Monday spiel but I think it’s worth thinking about it. Whether you’re single, dating or in a relationship, every status is a minefield that needs to be broached with care and lots of thought. But, let’s talk about a significant other. A lot of people often …

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Who’s Whispering In Your Ear?

Who’s whispering in your ear? Do the people around you validate your fears? Do they exacerbate an already bad situation with their opinions and presence? Do they tell you about all the terrible ways they have dealt with things and encourage you to do the same? Do they knock your dreams? If so, drop them, …

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It Didn’t Work

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It didn’t work. 
Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt? 

We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. 
We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now. 

I often go back to what I was like as a child. It reveals much of who we are today and who we could be.

When I couldn’t skip well, I skipped until I could.
When I could barely do a roly poly (forward roll), I practiced until I could to that and cartwheels.
When I wasn’t the fastest in a race, I ran until I got faster and faster.
When I was terrible at maths, I studied until I excelled at it. 
When I was told by my Sixth Form Law teacher to stop mucking around in class, I got an A in my coursework to silence her.
When I couldn’t swim, I learnt what I could from friends and later on in my 20’s I took lessons. 
When I was told I couldn’t do something and I disagreed with their opinion, I didn’t accept it as gospel. I instead invested the time and effort to ace it and prove myself right.

You were like that too. You relished the opportunity to know more, and you could spend hours on end practicing, learning, and doing it over and over again. What happened to that person?
The results of course were important, but the focus was in the undertaking, and this is what made the accomplishments sweeter.

Let’s get back to engaging with the process, and move away from obsessing about the outcome/whens, because truly that is where the real treasures lie; in the doing, in the learning, in the growing. The results are simply the icing on the cake. 

Xo 

LATEST POSTS

Sixth Sense

I knew spilling my guts on here would help me out. Phew! It’s like having a good old cry and suddenly having clarity afterwards, or when you’re having a bad day and opt to just sleep it off and you wake up feeling better. That’s what writing out my jargon on here did for me, …

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Things That Go Bump

It’s 3.24 am and I’ve decided I’m going to be a weirdo and post something.  I’m not sure whether I can call it writers block because I don’t feel “blocked”, only that over the past couple of weeks completing a post has been challenging, so challenging that it hasn’t happened. …See? I’m stumped. I don’t …

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Major Key Alert

I am constantly reminded that a major key to success is consistency. Even when you get the thing you have worked for, you have to maintain it and maintaining it requires consistent action.  Relationships, money, career, health, home, everything needs to be maintained and in some cases improved upon by consistent effort. It will be …

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In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end. It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide …

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Endless Excuses

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We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are.

I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming a fear I had. I was keen to hear the solution to this matter and to be set free.

My expectation was for her to give me a well-thought-out, empathetic, reasonable response, but instead she said ‘Just do it’. That was it. No drawn out speech, no ‘I understand your plight’, no digging deeper to gain further insight.
I was flabbergasted.
Did she read ALL that I wrote?! Is she mad?! and I mentally came up with all the reasons why it wasn’t a matter of simply just doing it.
I didn’t have the words to respond with void of it being offensive, so begrudgingly I swallowed it and wrote thank you.

She was right though.
As time passed, I realised the truth and emancipation in those three words.
There’s no better way to get through or over something than by doing it.

I intend to hopefully do what she did for me for someone else today with words of my own, and its this; If you wanted to, you would.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Have You Done It Yet?

A couple of days ago, my mind wondered back to being a child and what made things so much simpler. I thought about all the things I had achieved then both great and small and one thing that I remember not doing is thinking. I just did. I didn’t think about whether or not I’ll be …

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They Don’t Support Me

First off, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever read, commented, shared, messaged me about my posts, I don’t think I have ever really shown gratitude but I am truly grateful! I just came across a post of someone laminating about having fake friends, the lack of support and how much they do …

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Say No to Yes People

I was rereading my last post and thinking about the kind of people I have around me.  Although I love them dearly, I noticed that there are some that will feed into my plight rather than snap me out of it and that is dangerous. For example, you’ve had a bad day and you call …

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Protect Your Dreams

Listen up: Be mindful of whom you share your dreams and goals with. I get it. When we have some exciting news about our lives we want to share it with the people close to us or even not so close to us. My advice? Don’t. I cannot recall how many times I have spoken …

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Lean In

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I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life.
Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find out when you press forward, and leap. Or at least hop.

In this season of transmutations, there is bound to be lots of uncertainty ahead and you may consider retreating into a corner. Don’t. Adjust your posture, straighten your back, wiggle your shoulders, take a deep breath, and lean in.

You are incredibly capable of dealing and moving through whatever lies ahead. Take a look at all you have accomplished thus far.

I came across a video of myself from 2 years ago. On the outside I looked fine, however things felt bleak and my energy was low. Nothing was aspirational.
A chuckle left my lips as the video played, because I was reminded that I can and will get through anything, as long as I continue to press on.
You will too.

Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.

Sheryl Sandberg

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Don’t Sleep on Yourself

I was looking through Instagram as you do and I came across the fabulous shoe designer Monika Chaing. After browsing through a few of her pictures, I was transported back to 2010 when I had aspirations of creating a shoe line that would represent all the different sides of me-I love shoes! That same year …

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Everything Is Not For Sale

One half of a popular couple declared that their relationship was officially over on Instagram this past weekend. Was it surprising? No. In this social media age it’s so easy to want to overshare and even make a profit from doing so but at what cost? I see many people brand and package themselves for …

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When Things Go Wrong

I think there is something about speaking of things you are going to do and it ultimately going tits-up right after. It feels like every time I speak of something I am going to do publicly, it doesn’t happen. Is there some sort of wicked force that actively works against me in that moment? If …

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Day 4: FML

I believe I said that I would go to the gym on Wednesday? Yeah, that didn’t happen. I ended up going for dessert with my neighbour. And yes the dessert was amazing! Waffles with Nutella spread all over and crushed Oreos, mmm yum, but erm no good for my body goals.  29 June 2017 Today …

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One Day You’ll Be Old

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One day you will be old. At least I hope to be.

As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and it’ll show.
Many storms would it have weathered.
I will no longer have a choice about the texture of my skin, ageing will fix that permanently, and there’ll be little to nothing I can do about it.
In fact, it probably won’t matter much to me, as staying fit and healthy will be the priority.

I’ll remember all the times I didn’t like how I looked as I wistfully run my fingers over glossy finished photos of my younger self. I’ll wonder why the hell didn’t I think I was beautiful.
I know this because I sometimes do it now and recall how at the time I certainly didn’t think that. I’ll also think what an absolute shame to have not loved all of myself and wasted years wanting and waiting for it be different.

It’s cool to talk about self-love now, but practicing it isn’t as straight-forward.
Self-love in practice is radical. It’s when you begin your inner tirade about what you don’t like about yourself, and stopping midway and then changing the internal discourse to one of praise and kindness towards yourself.
It’s embracing all the parts you have been conditioned to believe is ‘bad’ and ‘unacceptable’ and saying fuck it, its mine and I love it!
It’s seeing yourself as you truly are, and saying yes, this is it.
It’s doing the uncomfortable things, that your future self will thank you for…because when you’re old, the weight of these things won’t hold, regret however, will.
Regret for all that you didn’t do, because of fear, ridicule, and going against the grain.

Have the courage to be fearless, and love you and your life fiercely, as the chance to start from the beginning won’t exist, but loving it right now as it is, does.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Quick Update

Good Morning! And Happy New Week. I hope this week brings you everything that you have worked for and more 🙂 I know you are giving me the side-eye right now because I said I was going to do a daily diary for one week and I failed miserably. See what had happened was, day …

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Day 3: Flights and Feelings

You know I said I was going to the gym last night right? Well, I didn’t quite make it. I took the selfie below and immediately after, I was struck with a very painful belly ache. It felt like someone was wringing out my stomach, hurt like a mother! I decided to forgo the gym …

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Day 2: Dance Fever & Gym Boyfriends.

I’m back! After yesterday’s post, I rushed off to a dance studio. I decided last week that I was going to get back to one of my first loves, dancing. I’d been meaning to do so for a while, but I couldn’t find classes that fit what I wanted to do, so I said  ‘F …

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Let Me Live! (Day 1)

Hi Guys! Usually there’s a process when posting, but today isn’t one of those days. I’m writing this off the top of my dome, no editing, nada! Do you ever feel like you can’t catch a break? As if you are doing a dance with life, taking two steps forward and five steps backwards? And …

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You vs Society

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When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.
I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests.

Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down our throats at every turn. Partly because we need to earn money to live (this will always be messed up to me), and the other side is the acute desire to do more than just survive.
The downside of that, is a lot of the time the need to have, is driven by fear, and consequently that produces greed, abuse of power, and wickedness in some people.

That was never life’s design though.
When you look at the earth in its untouched glory, it works beautifully, seamlessly, without struggle, and all things co-exists, side by side.
I believe this is how we were meant to be.

Photo by vishal amin on Pexels.com

What lives we could have if we ceased to give into fears, and stopped forcing things to happen?
We have this idea if we do not do all that we do, everything will fall apart. It won’t. And even if it does, so what? Let it fall apart, and watch it all come together in order.

The upside of this time in our lives, is that we have had the space to reflect, and more of us are realising our power, and wielding it purposefully.

So as we start to see lots of go get it, make it happen and grind don’t stop messages to mark the beginning of a new week, I want you remember this story that you are probably familiar with. 

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

Photo by Jayant Kulkarni on Pexels.com

We have the same power as the fisherman, and all we need to do, is choose mindfully what we want and what we need for ourselves, by ourselves.
We are often too involved in things that are none of our business, and not attuned at all to what is our business.

I moved from one country to another in the last year because my peace of mind, wellbeing and quality of life is a priority to me. I recognised that I had the ability to decide. I chose to do what I was inherently drawn to.
By following that, I now wake up most days cherishing the life I am creating/have created.

Wouldn’t it be nice to say that you chose this life deliberately?

Xo

P.s New podcast episode this Thursday!

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Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason. No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on. People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives. It doesn’t respect …

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So What You Fell Off?!

You’ve been working SO hard to change something, keep something up or develop a habit and although it’s a struggle you are making progress. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you fall off. You get knocked off course and for a period of time, you consider throwing the towel in altogether. It’s too hard, it’s not for …

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I’d Love You…If You Changed.

I’m seeing someone. Things are going well enough but there have been some red flags. I was thinking about all the things I didn’t like about their behaviour and how they would have to change this, that and the third for me to be with them- I stopped myself mid ramble. If this person has …

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Shaken, Not Stirred

30 something, broke, man less, childless, friendless, in fact everything less. At this stage of her life, Chelle was sure she would have it all figured out, instead, she was about to buy a meal she couldn’t afford with money meant for rent. Walking through the absolute white flat door, Chelle dropped her things and …

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Bursting at the Seams.

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Man, the pressure. 
The pressure to be and do all is immense. 

I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.
To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week.

The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of all I have to do resurfaces.
Waves of overwhelm come and go, and I think ‘Shit, already? It’s not even Monday yet!’.
The urge to stay under a blanket increases.

‘One thing at a time Irene’, I hear myself say. Seconds later, I deflate like a popped balloon, releasing all the pressure, expectations and dread I was filled with. 
Yes, you’re right, one thing at a time. 

The way many of us live, even with mindfulness, is unnatural. In fact, some of us use mindfulness to fuel us in making the 101 things we think we should be doing, feel ‘sustainable’.
But we’re not robots, even though much of society expects us to be.

Look at what 2019 till date has shown us. The planet (conspiracy theories and all), told us to sit in the corner and do not move. And yet so many of us are eager to get back to living lives that we despised and our bodies hated. 

Speed: Slo-mo x 2.0. That’s the setting we need to be on more, at least whilst we figure out what we respectively want for ourselves.

For me, I recognise harmony is important, and part of that means not being resistant to the flow of my life and allowing it to guide what I do. Resistance equals dis-ease, discomfort, and frustration.

In the past, whenever I realised that I was using all of my might to make something to happen, I would stop and do nothing. And every single time I did that, my needs were still met, things worked as it should, and life continued.
I’m always a little amazed at what occurs for and around me without my forceful input. 
Granted, it’s not easy to release control, but in such moments, that is what is best.

The earth, without our input, works beautifully and in order. There is no force or great struggle.
It’s us humans, who are always in a hurry and want so much more. We proceed to do, so that we can have, and ultimately move at a pace that are bodies on every plain, cannot handle.

As the week continues, reflect on what you are doing. Do you really have to do it? Will everything crumble if you don’t do it?

Give yourself a break, and just deflate. And then slowly, very slowly, do the thing you authentically connect with. 

I deeply connect with philosophy and writing, and therefore I do it, sometimes kicking and screaming, because the semantics bog me down. It’s where I’m meant to be, at least for now. 

Don’t be afraid to let a few things go. Trust me, it will be fine without you. You on the other hand, might not be, if you continue to commit to a lifestyle that simply is not fit for your purpose.

Xo 

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Don’t Take It For Granted!

Happy Friday! Work is officially over 🙂 Every so often I consider what someone else who is deemed less privileged would do with the many things I have been blessed with. I think if they had been given the opportunities like I have, what magic would they create? Their tenacity alone is something to be …

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Trapped

You’ve been trying a ting* for a while now but it’s not quite working. One possible reason is this: You’re living in your head! What do I mean by that? There are certain things you say to yourself on a daily basis that contradict what you deeply want for your life. You hold incapacitating beliefs …

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Before Beyoncé was Beyoncé

You think Beyoncé is who she is because she is simply gifted? Hardly. In fact she works HARD to create and build all she has. I’d love to tell you that all the Greats were born great (so that you and I can feel better about ourselves) but they’re not, well not entirely. What they …

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Speak to an expert!

Tip Numero Uno: Speak to smart, successful and accomplished people.  I used to think that you could learn from anyone and how it wasn’t that important to seek advice from those that had the experience. Well, I was a little bit off on that last thought. It is very important to get their advice and guidance! The insight from …

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Rolling in the Deep

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It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with.

In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time.

A different perspective that I wanted to share and for you to consider is, ‘I did it, I made it, I’m getting through it’.
What you thought would break you to point of being irreparable, didn’t, because you’re resilient and powerful.
You’re made of stuff to withstand all the things life throws, and you must acknowledge that, and show lots of love, compassion and kindness to yourself. And that’s not all you did.
You consistently created something out of nothing.
You pivoted like a ballerina and landed perfectly en pointe.
You took things into your own hands, and decided everyday to keep pressing forward even when you didn’t know how.
You mourned great losses, and although it felt like the pain of it all would kill you, it fuelled you and you used to make life a little better.
You still don’t know what tomorrow holds, and yet you’re committed to living life intentionally.
It’s not easy, and there are many days that you’d like to hibernate and wish your life away, but like a butterfly, you emerge from your cocoon, and try again and again and again.
You did that.
Bravo!

Change is inevitable, and we will experience multiple transitions in our lifetime, and when another one does come, I hope you recall how graceful you were in the times before, and know that you can take this on too.
Xo

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29 and Unmarried

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A Perfect Lie

We have got it so so wrong. I love it when I have an epiphany that I know will revoluntionise the way I think and operate. We have been sold this illusion that we are supposed to have ALL our shit together and that if we don’t, we are failures. That is a bona fide …

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On An Island

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If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember. 

I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. 
I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of my previous work.
I was stunned, and also a little disappointed. 
Disappointed, as looking back at me were brilliant ideas, both unfinished and completed, that due to the lack of foresight and belief, I set aside.
In retrospect, I felt that I was on an island alone and in turn began to believe that I wasn’t meant to be there. I soon enough made my way back to doing the norm. I mean how dare I break the mould?

I now know that being alone, and having a vision that no one else sees or understands, is often the prerequisite for something you must do.
You’re in the right place to create something great if no one else gets it. 

Take a look around you and touch something.That something was once something unseen and was created by someone initially thought to be stupid, insane, or impractical. We have planes that can take us anywhere in the world. Marinate on that for a moment. 

If you have something in your mind that there’s no precedent for, don’t be disheartened or grow weary. Nurture, extract, build or even destroy, to make your vision happen. 
No pressure though, you don’t have to, but if you don’t someone else certainly will, so why not you? Stay focused.

Xo

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A Dry Spell

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Hey, Listen Up!

Hi Guys, My real name is Irene and erm I have a tendency to saunter off when life gets manic but I’m working on it and I hope you can stick with me. Pretty please…? Thank you! Xoxo Okay, we’ve established that I’m guilty of going away and my excuse is I have been traveling, …

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Pain now, Gain later

What’s stopping you? Is it fear? Is it the work? Is it the lack of discipline? For me, it is the pain of doing the work. The difficulty or should I say, the idea I have built in my mind of how difficult something is or how long it will take, is one of my …

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Lemonade

I am probably going to tell this fable all wrong and add and subtract bits, but you’ll get the gist. My counsellor told me a story about a multimillionaire and it goes like this. He had a pool in his house filled with alligators and he said that whoever can swim the length of this …

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Sleepless nights

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10 Signs of a Toxic Person

If they restrict your happiness, constrict their access. I think we can all agree that we want 2017 to be even better and one of the ways to do that is to check the people you associate yourself with. Some people are no good for you and no matter how much you want it to …

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Nobody is Coming to Save You.

We’re a few days into the New Year, how is it going for you? I really hope it’s been amazing so far. As for me, it was going great until all grades of shit hit the fan.Think of fresh baby poo flung onto the ceiling, it’s disgusting isn’t it?! That’s the kick life has just …

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2016: Final Thoughts

What a crazy and challenging year! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the New Year ahead. I am sooooooooo ready for it for many reasons. I have learnt an incredible amount and there’s nothing like good ol’ trial and tribulations to grow you ‘real quick’. I pushed myself and was …

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The Beginning: WDYWM?!

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The Beginning.

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?
And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot of work. Add to that work a bit of self-doubt, a nice dose of brokeness, years of winging it and voila!

Most notably is that they all started somewhere.
I say all this as a reminder for me and you, that success is not typically linear. It is often messy, and will have you second-guessing your existence and why you chose this path. The beauty in this, is that you are not alone. Millions of people go through this, so don’t lose hope or give up.

A podcast to laugh, learn and lament.

This brings me to part of the reason I have been a little bit awol of late.
You probably saw a random post two weeks ago, with no words, introduction, nothing, just an audio clip.
Well, I am happy to say that I have officially launched my podcast called ‘Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!’ and you can listen to it on Spotify (see below), Apple Podcasts and Soundcloud.

I have spent over a year figuring it out, attempting to perfect it, throwing all ideas in the bin, then picking one or two back up, dusting it off and trying, and trying and trying again. As we speak I have thrown the towel in a hundred times today because of software issues. It does not want me to be great, but I will persist!

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?! is about all the things we go through privately that in reality is a shared experience. We might look different, but we’re all connected, and this podcast aims to bridge that gap by telling as it is.

The first episode of WDYWM is about ‘Grief’. Sadly many of us are experiencing this or will at some point in the distant future, and I share my experience and thoughts on navigating through this.

I truly appreciate your readership, and would love to have your listening ears too. I hope you enjoy listening.
Please do rate, share and comment. Thank you!
Xo

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Hey Copycat! Results may differ

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Petty Bitter Betty

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