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Monthly Archives: October 2014

Stereotypes, Prejudice, Racism-‘Black’ History Month

21 Tuesday Oct 2014

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Thoughts in motion

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Autumn, Black History Month, October, Prejudice, Racism, Stereotypes

Stereotypes, Prejudice, Racism-“Black” History Month

There are two sides, you are either a part of the problem, or a part of the solution, and that decision is yours.

This subject matter is a heavy one for many reasons, but nevertheless it is something that I have decided to explore.

When you think of ‘Black History’ pray tell, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Slavery.  It’s as if the entire community was born in and out of slavery. Did Black Africans not exist prior to colonisation and the slave trade? Did they not thrive and create systems that worked? It has been disputed that life began in Africa, presuming this is true, then where is that history being discussed?

The crux of the matter is we will never truly know, as we were not there and can only clutch at straws to garner a truer sense of belonging, but I digress.

I often think of what good use is perpetuating the history of slavery and our ‘impoverish’ nature over and over again.

We are not allowed to forget much less move on, even if some of us wanted to.  It’s always there, through films, images, the media, charities and often times we can be the transgressors. The constant rotation of these things can be psychologically destructive to any one individual. The repetition of such does not ‘enlighten’, but serves to oppress, create dissonance and incite hatred.

Where there are so many labels and ‘identities’ it is no wonder that the divide is steadily increasing instead of decreasing. The Diaspora amongst us continues.

It seems some people are only provoked to act whenever a TV programme, or art exhibition that is controversial and debased has been commissioned- which on one hand is great, however, it goes beyond that.  We need to be more responsible about the representations that are seen.

Gone are the days where you just sat back and were forced to accept what was on TV, WE are the media now. Advertising has gone in a completely different hemisphere due to countless social media networks and it is no longer necessary to have the crazy budgets and a large corporation backing, we can force their hand if we want to.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp are some of most effective and powerful forms of communication we have today and as such , we can choose the information that is shared and the images that are witnessed. With that said what have you been doing with that power? Do not be part of the problem by promoting the issue UNLESS you are directly tackling it (For example, Slave exhibition, Barbican) if you are not, opt to not endorse it by publicly speaking about it.

The people that create one dimensional programmes, exploiting the stereotypes and prejudice do not need further exposure, they are not paying you to a part of their marketing campaign, so why feed the bulls*it? Do not be too eager to get a laugh or “like” that you fail to realise the extent to which you are perpetrating these discriminations. You encourage the stereotypes and support the lack of respect and equality that exists when you do. Like they say any publicity be it good, or bad is still good publicity.

I remember watching Oprah speak on how she regretted bringing the KKK on her show because they used it to recruit others to their cult. She vowed never to allow herself to be used again for such things. She realised the power she had and the choice to either give life to something or not.  It is counter-productive to expand a problem by sharing it with no real recourse to provide a solution.

Another thing, for the parents out there, as you raise your child, abstain from making references to their skin colour. This is a great contributing factor to the recycled regressive mentality that many in the community now adopt. Believe it or not, statements like “As a black person you have to…” instils a sense of inferiority and that child will grow up believing that they have to play catch up to its peers. The stumbling block that exists for them will now be contained strictly in the colour of their skin. This as some of you know produces a host of insecurities, self esteem and delinquency issues that are prevalent today. You might think you are helping the child by “educating” them on the ways of the world but you may be doing more harm than good. Racism, prejudice and stereotypes is a learned perspective and very often takes place at home so be mindful as to what you choose to inform.

I would implore you to instead speak to their human nature and nurture them to be a good at what they do, not because of the adversity that they may face from the colour of their skin, but from the need to be impactful in their society. Stop rehearsing negative information to the next generation that they may never even encounter.

Of course, I am not naive to the other despotisms, they exist and will continue to prevail in many forms, not just to a particular race but to everyone depending on the immediate external factors.

I think it is crucial that we evolve. It is not until we stop holding our skin colour as a disadvantage, will we begin to progress forward. If every time something bad happens WE blame our skin tones then who is at fault here? You are conditioning yourself to believe that your skin tone is a problem. That is not to say that in some cases that people aren’t judgemental, in different ways, we all are. The choice to allow it to be a stumbling block is ultimately yours. It may take a while to be rid of this impediment on the mind but with a conscious effort, the change will be evident.

It is essential now more than ever to be accountable for ourselves, how we are perceived, what we accept and chose to represent. Stop allowing other people dictate who you/we are. If you are complaining that there are minimal positive representations of yourselves then you need to stop looking and start being. If it doesn’t exist, create it!

I’ll say this in closing this first part, the ONLY history we can be sure of, is the one we create from now till the day we die. However, if you chose to speak about slavery as part of ‘Black History Month’ get rid of the “Black” in history for starters, as Europeans and Arabs were very much a part of this particular history.

Signed LBC

Perfectionism kills dreams and desires.

17 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Motivation, Self-Development

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action, Desires, dreams, Motivation, Perfectionism, Work

Perfectionism kills dreams and desires.

“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”

Being a perfectionist or having perfectionist tendencies can be the bane of anyone’s life.

You end up being pedantic with every little detail and waste a lot of time ruminating about insignificant things, to the point where you don’t end up executing that goal or desire.

For an instance, if you were a writer and a soon to be author, the traditional route would be to get a publishing deal and that’s what you have decided is the only route. So let’s say you have spent time searching for a deal but to no avail, just rejection at every stage. A year or two has gone by and no one has seen the light of day of this book. The passion you once had for this book has now dissipated, so you resolve to put it on the shelf for good.

In those 365-730 days (it sounds plenty doesn’t it?) you could have been sharing your talent on your own terms. You could have used social media, a website, radio, to expose your talent, after all the ability is already there, all you have to do, is share it. This “perfect ideal” that you created limited your ability to grow and instead you grew weary.

The things that you want, will not always come in the fashion that you had hoped for. For that reason, it is crucial to sometimes release the grip on these predicted forms, and allow yourself to be open to other possibilities that surround you.

Stop nitpicking and waiting for the perfect opportunity, moment or money, everything you need to achieve that goal is already in your possession.

Just do it!

Signed LBC

Age aint nothing but a number!

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Relationships

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children, happiness, Love, Marriage, Time

Age ain’t nothing but a number!

People are making themselves emotionally and physically sick over these life robbing unwritten rules as to the way their life is suppose to be.

I write on this occasion for my ladies that are constantly being hit with “When are you going to get married and have kids?…” -_-. You are getting it from your family members, your friends, your colleagues, strangers and on top of all that seeing pictures day in, day out of others doing those things. You are bound to start feeling anxious and that you are falling far behind.

When you allow yourself to be managed and controlled by other people’s ideologies as to how they think your life should be, you will NEVER be happy. These same said people won’t be there when you’ve rushed yourself into an unhealthy relationship or stay up late with you to take care of your child/ren.

Allowing such pressures to affect how you live your life can cause you to make indelible choices that are hard to recover from.

Personally, I wish people would be quiet about these “statistics” of women’s infertility the older they get or the higher risk of down syndrome as if people that had kids young were completely exempt from such things…yeah I didn’t think so. Oh and the other one is the lack of “good” quality men out there. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of men you haven’t met but Sue wants you to be worried about it because Sue has never encountered a good man which is purely down to her terrible choices in them (You attract what you are).

If we want to talk about statistics let’s talk about the women that have perfectly healthy kids and are over forty? Or the woman that got married to the love of her life in her late 30’s? Shouldn’t this be considered too or nah? There is no singular rule book on how things are to be.

Having previously subjected myself to such thoughts I know how depressing it can begin to feel. I almost allowed it to end a good situation by saying “ I don’t have time to be with someone that doesn’t want to be married and have kids in the next couple years blah blah blah”  Laugh. Out. Loud. All because I succumbed to societies notions of where I should be in life. Truth be told I am not ready for all that!

It is not the end of the world if you don’t have these things by a certain age. As it is your life, I think it’s only fair that it should be governed by your rules.

So the next time someone says “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” here are a few retorts for you to use.

“I am getting married or having kids…

  1. When YOUR partner starts treating you better
  2. When YOUR kids are doing well in school
  3. When YOU leave the job you’ve been in for 5 years that you hate
  4. When YOU complete your degree that you put on hold for two years
  5. When YOUR finances are in order and you pay your bills on time and are not in thousands of debt
  6. In short I will get married and have kids when all of your life is in complete order.”

You see it’s not cute to make comments about something that is clearly none of your business, LOL. Everybody has something to work and improve upon so it would better if everybody just minded their own business.

In all honesty nobody is qualified to tell you how to live your life. What I write is to inspire, incite and encourage a different thought process and ultimately action, however it is entirely up to you how you choose to live your life because at the end of the day it IS your life-your responsibility, your choice-your consequences.

Signed LBC

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