As a young child, I was somewhat a religious fanatic, no doubt as a result of my fervently praying maternal grandmother. I was the child that wanted to exceed in anything and everything I did. I would always give it 100% whether I was good at it or not, and that seems to have followed me into my adult years, albeit not with the same intensity.
I remember watching an episode of ‘The Adventures of Pete and Pete’ on Nickelodeon ( heyyyy, I had cable), and in that episode, one of the characters did everything perfectly. Naturally, this added to my ideology of being perfect and for a period of time after that, I attempted to do everything that way, especially when eating my food-I failed miserably.
At some point, I let up and decided it was ok not to be perfect, although it is still something to master, I still have many days where perfectionism is definitely my ruler.
With that said, if I was going to be a Christian then I would be the best Christian there was! I would read a chapter in the bible every night, not even remotely comprehending much of what had been written, but as it was what Christians did, I continued. When I prayed, I would pray for the homeless and those less fortunate and incessantly ask for wisdom. I was told it was better than riches or gold and I wanted to be as wise as King Solomon. He was, from a Christian’s perspective, the wisest man of all time, and they aspired to be like him in that respect.
So as I drove home late last night from a friend’s house, (those journeys home where it’s just you, the bare roads, and your thoughts) a thought about wisdom popped into my head. In the same breath, an understanding that I had never had before, came to me.
I used to wonder why I had the kind of experiences in life that I had, and couldn’t I have just learnt it through others instead of having to go through it myself? It would have saved me a lot of pain.
The epiphany was, how was I to be wise if not by experiences that not many had encountered at such a young age? How was I to be like King Solomon, if I lacked the training that would sharpen my tools? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I or anyone who suffers greatly deserves it, I am simply acknowledging a truth for me.
Wisdom is not necessarily attributed to age or experience alone, as maturity is down to the individual and the choice that they make to develop or not. Not every old person is wise and not all young people are stupid, however in my case, experience was and is unfortunately my best teacher (ggrrrrr).
One thing I have learnt in life is to be mindful of what you ask for. It may not come now, but it will come and you need to be certain that it is what you want.
I am a lot more conscientious of what I ask for now because there are two sides to a coin. As for being a Christian…TBC