Monthly Archives: May 2015

Write Your Own Autobiography

28 Thursday May 2015

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On Tuesday this week, I was speaking to a friend over the phone and I jokingly said ‘create a Wikipedia page on me, I’ll tell you what to write’ who says that?! (I do lol). He responded ‘Why don’t you just do one yourself? Anyone can do one’ errh because it’s corny! Who creates their OWN Wikipedia page, that’s like creating your own Instagram fan page, yet you have no following, LOSER! Or are they?

I was up uber early this morning, and I came across an article on Jessica Alba’s success and off the cuff (whilst sharing it with a friend), I thought this is how I want an article/(auto)biography of me to look like, and began writing one in text form to my friend. Words cannot articulate well enough how doing that exercise made me feel. I went from not wanting to get up from bed, to being successful and well accomplished. There wasn’t a fibre in my body that didn’t believe it to be true (or that it will be). My attitude and perspective instantly transformed.

As a child, you are told to use your imagination and be as creative as you like. As you grow older you are taught the opposite-the irony. It suddenly becomes ‘irresponsible’ to be that way and you have to ‘grow up’.

Here’s something to think about, anyone who has ever created something valuable or lived the life they dreamed of, was once seen as ridiculous to one person or many. Their imagination and outlandish behaviour pushed them towards creating masterpieces. Think of one person you admire, and read their story, every single one has encountered a unique set of challenges and thrived notwithstanding. Take JK Rowling for example, divorcee, single mum, on welfare, from the onset, society would dictate that the odds are heavily stacked against her, in spite of this, Harry Potter was born. Need I say more?

I implore you this morning to be as ludicrous as you like with what you want, create the life you want to live, on your terms and start by writing YOUR OWN AUTO/BIOGRAPHY. It is a powerful activity and as we know, thoughts become things, and words are like springs, once spoken, they are called into action.

Now I don’t know if I’m going to run along and create a Wikipedia page (although if you fancy the job, drop me a message-just kidding!) what I will re-emphasise is to write your story how you want it be and see what it does for you. Don’t be dictated to by society’s measures, you cannot break the mould by succumbing to its wills.

I’ll share a bit of what I wrote to my friend this morning, if you laugh (grrrr), actually I don’t care if you do :).

“Fiercely independent and determined, she sought the best out of life and would stop at nothing to get it, a quality bestowed upon her by her mother. Giving up was never an option. As a graduate she faced many adversities and this incited the desire to inspire others like her, to do and be better. With her experience and wisdom, she wrote her first book. It has sold over 1 million copies internationally, been translated in over 15 languages and is still a best seller 3 years after its release. A wife, mother, business tycoon, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, author and performer, Irene believes there isn’t anything that is unattainable. With all her accomplishments, it begs the question how does she do it all?”

Like they say if your dreams don’t frighten you, then they aren’t big enough!  My friends response to my text this morning ‘Oh Irene, you’re like a big kid’ I guess that means I’m on the right track 😉 .

Wanderers of the World 

22 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion, Travel

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I’ve returned and have been integrated back (with some, actually a lot of resistance) into the thrills of London life,womp womp wooommmppp!

I thought it best to give you an update on my trip away alone, before I discuss anything else.

First off, it was AMAZING! I loved every bit of it, including getting lost. I have always wanted to travel and be incognito, live as the locals do. It’s great exploring a place with tourist eyes but to do so through a native’s eye is even better in my opinion. I wanted to be submerged in their culture without the privilege of being a British national (let’s not pretend that there aren’t some advantages accosted to the British).

There were many observations I was able to make as a result of being alone, things I would not have noticed if I had a companion.

One of the highlights for me, believe it or not, was commuting. Now for those that know me, commuting on London transport doesn’t make any of my highlights and for good reason. I enjoyed studying the faces of the commuters and deciphering what they paid attention to. As a visitor, I hadn’t a clue about what stood out or what was okay to do or not, so it really gave me the opportunity to learn the people, like they say when in Rome, do as the Romans do. I found it really easy to get around and I think I blended in very well, bar my Pharrell looking hat, that occasionally granted me side way glances and a few compliments too!

Another significant benefit was the FREEDOM to do whatever I wanted. I went there with no concrete plan but to simply enjoy being in a different environment and I would do whatever took my fancy. If I felt like having a quick drink in Seventy Eight (a bar in El Poble Sec), that I stumbled across on route back to my apartment, I did, if I wanted to go into the museum that I just walked past (Erotic Museum, don’t ask, I was feeling erh curious, listen I’m grown lol) I did, if I wanted to hop on the Metro and go to the beach (didn’t quite make the beach but took the cable car to Montjuic Hill) I did. There were no hesitations or debating, just doing! Which can sometimes be counter-productive when with others, too many cooks spoil the broth.

You get to learn an immense amount because you have no one else to rely on but yourself. You discover more about the city, the language, the culture, and the general idiosyncrasies. You are forced to ask questions, otherwise how else will you learn? It is a great way to open up dialogue and mingle with the locals.

So here are a few tips on travelling alone:

  • Don’t be shy, ask questions! You’ll meet new people and save yourself a lot of hassle! Always cross check the information they provide as sometimes they may not be well informed themselves. Believe and rely in your abilities.
  • Whatever you wouldn’t do at home, consider not doing abroad. It’s not restricted to this and it does require research, common sense and intuition. On the first day I made enquires at the hotel on if it was safe to travel to the city after 7 pm.  I really didn’t know how things operated and didn’t want to leave the area if it wasn’t ideal to do so. They told me it was but to be aware of pickpockets, I think that goes for most places in the world. On another occasion, I was buying sweets from a stall and a dubious looking character stood next to me, attempting to engage in conversation. He spoke to me in Spanish and French and I told him English only. The lady, serving me felt the same way I did, and moved to another point to finish the transaction. I instantly knew it was because she didn’t want me bringing out my money next to where he stood. Right as she gave me my change, in a sweet but concerned voice, whilst looking me straight in the eye said ‘Be very careful, okay?’ as her eyes fleeted across to the questionable man. I thanked her and told her I will. I was gone with the wind, she did not have to tell me twice! Thank you nice lady!
  •  Keep the important things nearby- (I preferred on my body, slightly paranoid, slightly controlling) and or in a safe and secure place.
  •  Explore, Explore, Explore! (with caution)
  •  Practice your selfie skills.

Will I be travelling alone again? ABSOLUTELY!

The Road Less Travelled…

13 Wednesday May 2015

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I write this post on my flight to Barcelona for a quick break. 

I am travelling alone *queues song* ‘all by myseeellllffffff”yes, you heard, by myself. I’m not meeting anyone there, nor do I know anyone. I am literally entering unknown territory. Although it poses no direct dangers, it’s still a nerving yet exciting prospect-Beating to your own drum.

When I told my mum, two days ago, that I was going away by myself she exclaimed ‘Irene why? You’re so impatient, why couldn’t you wait for a friend? ‘ -_- (prior to booking the trip it had been 2 months of negotiating).There’s a reason I tell my parents last minute, because in typical parental fashion, I am bound to hear a list of what I shouldn’t do, and whys. But when it’s already done and so close to the time, there’s little that can be said to change my mind and I like it that way :). Rebel? Not really, well maybe a little bit.

Travelling alone isn’t something people from my background do often, it’s kind of weird to us and to be honest, it wasn’t my first decision. I had spoken to a number of friends about travelling together and made several attempts to find something suitable for us, but nothing seemed to work with any of them. It was either the cost of holiday or trying to match our schedules and after going through this process with 5+ friends, it became tideous  and incredibly frustrating and as my mother already mentioned I am impatient.

I was still looking at holidays to fit in with a friend and then I had a thought, ‘sod it, I’m going by myself!’. No more ‘trying’ to make it work to their favour, after all it was MY desire. To be frank, the friends in question didn’t help ease the process either *major side eye*, I still love you though lol. 
If there is one with thing I detest, it’s putting your desires and aspirations on hold, in waiting for someone to be ready or get with the programme and I wasn’t about to let that happen. I needed to be on new soil and have new experiences and that’s exactly what I was going to do. 

I must say, I was inspired by a lady I met on my last holiday in France, who told me she travelled all the time by herself and thoroughly enjoyed it. I remember thinking at the time, what a brave thing to do, not knowing that in few months time that would be me. (Ooww! my ears are popping from the pressure) 

I haven’t felt this liberated in a very long time and I find myself cheesing whilst in transit, because I actually did it! (We are about to land now). I had a couple of friends say jokingly ‘You’re my hero’ because of my choice to travel alone as it’s not something people from my area do often. 

I do hope that in reality, it encourages someone to go forth in boldness for what they want. The right time or circumstance seldom come around, you have to make it that way. No matter what or who, pursue your desires with much fervency and you will be rewarded. 

I’m here now, see you xo

Who Do You Think You Are?

12 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by in Creative Writing, Experiences, Thoughts in motion

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This is a monologue on identity that I wrote a while back.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Who do you think you are?

I’ll ask again who do you think YOU ARE?

Are you who people say you are or are you what you say you are?…

Every day I wake up to doing the same thing, over and over and over again. I brush my teeth; have a wash and fight to get on the repulsive, germ infested public transport, ONLY to be met by the detestable boss at work.

Oh she makes my life a living hell! Boxed in by the cubicle not having the freedom of communicating with my peers, you dare not speak above a whisper or it’ll be straight into her office to be reprimanded. I wish someone would give her a good stiff kic…argh! Slaving away hour after hour, sifting through documents, to extract, in my mind, useless information for an even more useless cause.

I spend most of my time here, trying to do the best I can and to be recognised for it, but after years of being at this job, that is yet, to happen. I never thought this is where I would end up.

After graduating with a good degree in my hand, I was ready to take on the world! And then somehow, here we are. This was six years ago, now what the hell was I still doing here? Everyone working like busy bees for the honey queen, a vast contrast to what she really was, as she was anything but sweet.

Clocking in and clocking out that’s exactly what I did, watching the clock, tick tock tick tock, hoping that close of business would fast approach but nope only one minute more had past. Damn it!

Once it did come around I morphed into the road runner, one minute you saw me, the next just a whirl wind of paper flying everywhere. Can you blame me?

My love life paahhah! What LOVE life! I don’t know where to begin with that. My ex-boyfriend left me to travel the world and within the space of a year is married and expecting his first child, what a bleeding cheek! I felt like curling up into a ball and hibernating for a few months. 5 years I spent with him, 5 WHOLE YEARS and within a short space of time he has given her what I would have wanted. Well screw him and his wife!

I had a boyfriend after him but that lasted 2 months, he wanted to move in with me, erh no! Too much, too soon. I didn’t want that.

On another occasion, I went speed dating with a friend and boy was that a complete disaster. I met one guy there, who was recently divorced with four kids, now what am I going to do with FOUR kids and an ex-wife? NEXT! Another gentleman seemed sweet at first, but quickly became obsessive with the innermost parts of my life. Where were you born? What time? What is your star sign? When did you lose your virginity? PAUSE …NEXT! There was even a lesbian, a lesbian! Am I running out of options that I have to consider the same sex?! It is a thought though. With my friends getting married, having babies or in thriving and successful careers, it begs the question, what have I got going for me?

To top it off my younger sister just had a baby with her fiancé, so if I thought it was bad before with my parents hounding me about my future and progressing, the stares are even more pitiful now, especially at family gatherings, which I have now come to loathe “Sophie when are you going to get married and have some kids” yeah when you mind your business and disappear from the face of the earth is when, I would think to myself.

Ugh the look on my mother’s face whenever she sees me, I can even hear it over the phone in her voice. What’s a girl to do? I swear the next time I go to my parents’ house, I’m going to hire an escort, just to get them off my back. A good looking guy, 6ft plus with dark hair, maybe someone exotic with a cute accent and *sigh* how sad is that.

As much I want to be in a happy relationship and have kids, I just don’t want to end up with the wrong kind of person. My parents have had a long lasting healthy marriage of 35 years, and I want that! I don’t want to settle for anything less and by that I mean someone with less money. Who wants to have waited all the this time to end up with somebody broke, IM BROKE for goodness sake, two broke people won’t work, so until that time comes ill simply wait, I think…

I am currently renting a place, place is a fair word to use. I have done my best to make the place into a home, but there’s only so much I can do on the peanuts that I am paid. I cannot even fathom the idea of being a home owner. Who has ten to twenty thousand pounds lying around to put down as a deposit for a house? I’d love to meet that person and marry them, man or woman, right now anything goes. OK, I take that back I’m way into men to do that…I think.

Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I get home and pick up a bottle of wine, plunk down on my sofa, grab the remote and flick, flick, flick, till I find something interesting to watch and gradually fall asleep with the wine glass in my hand. Sad I know, but what’s a girl to do?

I think sometimes who am I and what I have become, I can barely identify myself when I walk past a glass shop window. Who is that girl with mousy hair, uncool glasses and a poor dress sense?

All these things occurring in my life aren’t me, are they? Do these things define who I am? The no man having- job loathing-barely attractive-penniless Sophie?

Somewhere along the line I have turned into this person I don’t like much-pretentious, depressing and negative. I’m not sure at which point it all changed but the person staring at me doesn’t seem happy. The constant fake smile worn on my face has subsequently caused the lines currently living next to my mouth. God life sucks.

If only my knight in shining armour can ride in on a Mercedes SLK with his dark, shiny but flowing hair and his fluorescent gleaming teeth, as I step out of my penthouse suite having the concierge open the door for me to walk out to my chariot that awaits me. Dressed in a silver sequinned dress, reminiscent of something Diana Ross would wear and my now blonde hair romantically curled like the infamous Ms Marilyn Monroe wearing shoes that Cinderella would be jealous of. To live a life that amazing, no care in the world, no struggle, no cruelladevile for a boss and no more being the butt of every joke amongst my family and friends. Wouldn’t that be great?!

Only that my reality presents a stark difference and pending gloom with nothing to show for it. Is this the life I have chosen to live? I might as well not exist any longer, after all there isn’t much to it is there?

Hmmm let’s consider another thought. Say hypothetically speaking I do get my dreams fulfilled as previously described, will that then be my true self? The real me? Are only the outwardly things a determination of the inward part of me? They say your surroundings are an outward expression of what lies within and if that’s the case then my current circumstance is befitting of my stature. That being said, it has presented food for thought, if that is to be true does that mean I have the power to change on the inside in order to affect what is seen on the outside, kind of like believing is seeing?

Although, I am still struggling with the idea of whether or not that makes me…me.

Will these things be counted as an authentic reflection of the person I am? Or is that all just a superficial covering of what being “you” really is? I have always believed that if I received my deepest most yearned for desires, it will make me a better person, a more respected person, isn’t that what everybody wants?

To have become the person everyone else wants to be, however is too afraid to do so… but wait, hold on. If becoming who everyone else wants to be is the goal, then it draws the question again, is that you? Those dreams are they your dreams or who society tells you, you must be? Search within yourself, what defines you? The you that nobody else sees when you are all alone and no one is watching, you now proceed to remove the mask from your face and what is it you see underneath? A person or a lifeless soul regretfully moving through life, never really experiencing joy or the good things in it because you are too consumed with trying to be the person that everybody else wants to be. People and their fragmented pictures plastered all over social networks, purporting to be living these wonderful lifestyles, whilst you sit there feeling the pang of emptiness because you want to be out there doing amazing things and having others revere the life that you live. Note, it is but a small percentage of their lives they reveal, and more importantly what they want you to see. They post all these glamorous existing’s, then call you to worship and bask in their greatness and ability to have good fortune yet they neither have an extra head or magical body parts, a human is a human is a human. So if everybody is trying to be somebody else…who is actually being themselves? Or am I being completely ridiculous, as being completely you is a myth and has never really existed?

So what is all the fuss about, why try so hard to live up to an unrealistic expectation of only what you have been privy to see, like I said before, they are just humans.

I’m starting to get a grasp on this whole identity thing it doesn’t matter what you, you or you think because in actual fact your ideas and your notions are simply regurgitated information fed to you by your environment, that is your family, your friends, your work colleagues, the media and pretty much anyone and anything you come into contact with so what gives you the right stake claim on the way I, Sophie should live her life.

Everyone is searching and looking for a higher state of being, no one person being better than the other so why do you seek this validation from those who are not entitled to give it? I’m still a fully functioning, breathing woman who has a lot to offer and live for, having attempted to uphold the expectations of those unknown to me has kept me feeling like an unsuccessful and worthless mess but everyone has it completely wrong. I am the one who decides who I am not anyone else.

I am who I say I am and who I wish to be, I have come to realise the only persons opinions that truly matter are those that start and finish with me.

Words, Weapons Of Mass Destruction?

11 Monday May 2015

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Hope you had a great weekend, mine was fairly busy but good all the same!

So in continuing on with the 1 post for the next 7 days (which by default excluded the weekend 🙂 )here is todays preamble.

I had a pretty crap morning and I don’t know about you but sometimes when things don’t go accordingly, I think about EVERYTHING that isn’t right (Very bad habit). This naturally puts you in a negative space, well this was me earlier on. My mind was racing and I was inducing self inflicted stress. The mind is a powerful entity, that ironically must be minded. I knew I had to get out of this funk and quickly, today’s solution was much needed rest.

Protect what goes in and out of your mind and through your mouth. One thing I have learnt and occasionally the hard way is that the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me’ is an absolute fallacy lol. Occasionally I have been the culprit, but more often than not the recipient. It’s not restricted to what you say to someone or what is said to you, but also what you tell/call yourself.

‘You’re too fat, you’re too skinny, you’re ugly, you’re a failure, you’ll never make it, you’re too dark, your nose is big, your sibling is better than you, no one will ever want you’ and so on. We’ve probably heard some of these words and said some whether in jest or seriously and not known of the effects they have on the individual for many years after.

I’m pretty sure we can all remember that one thing someone said to us that has shaped us today, either positively or negatively, that we have never forgotten. See how powerful words are?

I remember constantly being told “You’re so dark” in a tone that revealed their contempt, dark usually inferred unattractive . Being quiet young at the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but as I got older, the picture was clear, light was right and dark wasn’t. Fortunately, this was one thing that didn’t manage to stick, although there were many close calls. The sad part is that these people are unaware of the aftermath of their words and will never know.

Callous words are like gum under a table, it sticks, becomes hardened and turns black over time. There’s a reason gum shouldn’t be swallowed…

Of course, you cannot always know what someone may find offensive, all you can do is be conscientious of the words you utter, as they’re creating realities. 

Words influence, words build, words destroy, so use them discerningly. That’s not to say you can no longer be honest, by all means be honest , but choose your arsenal carefully.

The next time you have something to say think to yourself, stumbling block or building block? Let that inform your decision.

A Painful Lesson

08 Friday May 2015

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A painful lesson

I have always been of the opinion that if you don’t do what you are suppose to and make decisions at the opportune time, life will make that choice for you.

It’s one thing to make a decision and get results you didn’t desire, but when it is out of hands (after once being in your hands) it’s even worse. If you don’t have a plan or choose not to make choices, you then become susceptible to whatever.

Life’s single function is to ever evolve and if you are not evolving, then you are cocking up the one way system and that can’t happen. One way or another a decision must be made.

I have just finished reading ‘Who moved my Cheese’ by DR Spencer Johnson and the clearest message is that change is and will always be inevitable. Life gives you are certain amount of opportunities for you to affect change and or flow with it, before its says ‘do you know what? You’ve been mucking about for too long, here you go, deal with this’. For example, applying for a new job knowing that your contract is up soon, paying that bill, starting that business, making that important phone call, calling that family member.

If you don’t want to be subject to that then you must take control and make the decisions you know you should.

I have seen it happen many a time, where people are forced to deal with unwanted circumstances, because of the choices they failed to make, trust me, its sh*t.

Make the decisions whilst the power is still in your hands

Is There A Better Time Than Now?

06 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Life, Motivation, Self-Development

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Is there a better time than now?

Have you ever looked back at a picture and thought ‘man things were good then’ or ‘It wasn’t even that bad’. I’m sure we all have, and pondered why we did not appreciate that period as much as we should have.

So many of us live for the future and end up missing out on the beauty of right now. We try  to schedule ‘living life’ the way we want to for another time, rather than enjoying the present moment and all it has to offer. 

We are either living in the past or living in hope of the future, whilst completely disregarding what it is immediately before us.

If there is something you want to do, do it now! and if it’s something that cannot occur immediately then prepare for it. Stop waiting on someone or something to happen before you begin to relish how good you have/had it. 

Stop thinking about what you want to do and start doing! Irrespective of how big or small it may be,make haste as tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone and any day lived is as good as it gets. 

I’ll leave you with a few quotes to ruminate over…

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years- Abraham Lincoln 

I’m less interested in why we’re here. I’m wholly devoted to while we’re here-Erika Harris 

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find out that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well-Diane Ackerman

Yes I pinched them off the internet, but they are quotes that resonate with today’s message.

Carpe Diem!

Till tomorrow…

 

What Had Happened Was…

05 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by in Self-Development

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I have been AWOL and by no means it is that acceptable but lend me your ears for a quick moment. I have been doing a lot of deep, DEEP soul searching as to who I am and my purpose in life and I just don’t know where to go, SIKE!(Psych) Well sort of, I am in the process of reconfiguring some things behind the scenes in regards to LBC, which is taking longer than expected and hasn’t allowed me to blog as I would like. I don’t want to extend my time away even further, so instead I’ll be doing something a little bit different than usual and posting various writings, whilst I get all of my life together. I will post once a day for the next one week and it will range from storytelling to random ramblings. I hope you don’t mind…brb.

 “Screw yourself over

These are not exclusive and limited to the following

All the things you should do if you want to mess up your career, the lower position you have, the less you have to do to cock up.

  • Don’t be on time ever
  • Never and I mean never go to work events. It’s the perfect way to cement your relationship with the business and your colleagues
  • Don’t say Good Morning
  • If your colleagues offer you tea or coffee, always, always say no without giving a concrete reason as to why.
  • Don’t ask about family, the weekend; in fact never be interested in anything your colleagues say.
  • Always dress inappropriately and proposition those in higher positions, you will certainly gain respect in the industry
  • You MUST mix business and pleasure at every chance you get. If you like someone, just go for it! What have you got to lose?
  • Send abuse via email about your boss to your “friends” at work, people never get caught or fired over such things
  • Embezzle, embezzle, embezzle!
  • If you are angry or upset, attack the offender! Violent people are usually well received
  • Be a pervert and harass your colleagues, it is a great way to have a first class ticket to the sex offenders list.
  • Be a compulsive liar, people LOVE bullsh*tters.
  • Use profanity every chance you get, its acceptable in every environment.”

An excerpt from my upcoming book University is A Waste of Time © 2015 Irene Ephraim All rights reserved