I’m usually inspired by the people I meet and the conversations that I have. This particular dialogue is one that I have had with myself a lot. It’s the ‘I wish I could have’ one. My friend was talking about how he wishes he was a certain age again and what he would do differently-haven’t we all been there? Wishing we could go back in time and have that passion, that opportunity, that loved one, that money, but the truth is, we can’t go back, so what’s the point? Why hang onto ‘what used to be’ instead of relishing ‘what is and can be’.
Whenever that subject matter comes to mind, I actively think “stop holding onto the past, let it go, move on and be better”. Yes, you may not have the same drive, that chance or that relationship any more but what you do have is this moment right now. This moment to make things how you would want it to be, so that in a few years time, you can be happy and proud of the choices you’ve made and the way you have lived your life.
I have a friend I call ‘Mrs good times’ because she’s fond of looking back and saying those were good times yet I always say to her ‘but you didn’t think so at the time’. We are all guilty of doing that, wanting to rush into the next phase of our lives because the one we have right now just isn’t good enough and for many of us, it never will be. Our perception and consequently our attitude will determine how we feel about ourselves, and ultimately what we do.
2012 was an incredibly trying year for me. I was unemployed for most of it, to say that I was depressed would be using the word lightly. I had bills to take care of that superseded the amount of money I had at any given time. I was working practically for free under duress; otherwise the meagre remuneration I was paid every two weeks would get cut off. After enduring a particularly difficult time, on my 25th birthday that year (which is mid December) I spent it crying my eyes out and I hate crying! I had well and truly reached my breaking point. Things eventually did get better. When I reflect on that period, there is one thing I had failed to realise, I did not appreciate the amount of time I had to myself.
My very first post on this blog was inspired by that season titled “Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of” a quote by Benjamin Franklin. I actually wrote that piece for a writing competition and decided to use it as my very first introduction to this blog site. I was completely blinded by my need to be self sufficient and pursue my aspirations that I could not see that the copious amount of time I had, could have been converted into creating work that required no one but me and my commitment. I started writing a novel in 2011 that I barely looked at in 2012. I was fixated on earning money, and seeking out others to give me an opportunity when there was one that I had in my hand. It was only after I began working again did I acknowledge the gem that I had been given.
Sometimes we go through things that we don’t fully understand all aspects of or value until much after the fact.
My rationale is this, no matter where you are at this present time, find the gift in it. Good or bad, there is always something to learn, develop and use to your greater advantage.
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”-Buddha