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Monthly Archives: May 2016

Major Key Alert: Put yourself on.

30 Monday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

energy, Finances, Major Key, Mentor, Reap, Season, Sow, success, Wait

Have you ever wished, hoped and prayed that “someone” will put you on or save you? I know I have. I have the novels I read as a child to blame for that.

The reality is that YOU are that person.

For a while now, I have wanted a mentor, someone who has the expertise and the success I would like to attain for myself. Not just in the typical things like career, but in spirituality, family life, finances and the like. However, the attempts I have made to get one, keeps falling flat – Nobody wants me 😦 .

Although I do believe it’s an important aspect in growing, I have resolved to focus on what I am doing, and what I need will come in due time.

We give so much of our energy to focusing on other people, what they’re doing, how they’re doing it, whom they’re doing it with, how they can assist us and not enough on what you’re doing. There is a vast amount we can do for ourselves that we do not do.

My mother would say to me ‘time waits for no man’, devote the time and effort to yourself, you HAVE to do the work. Sometimes it is disheartening when you don’t see the results you want immediately, but those who succeed, are persistent and patient.

Remember we cannot sow and reap at the same time, there is a season for everything.

 

The Magic Circle: Accept friend request or nah?

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Less Talk, Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Adventurous, Creatives, Example, friends, life, Magic Circle, Marriage, Millionaires, Reality

The Magic Circle

When I was a teenager, I remember my peers saying things like and please excuse the crudeness of this next statement, “If she is a hoe, then her friend must be one too”. I strongly disagreed with this statement (and still do to some extent). I thought it is very possible to be friends with someone who has a different lifestyle to you and still not be influenced by it.

The older I have become, the more I realised that the latter statement doesn’t necessarily present reality. My mother would always say ‘mind the company you keep’, ‘yeast works through a batch of dough’ or ‘Iron sharpens Iron’. These idioms didn’t come out of thin air, they came as a result of noticing the patterns within of a group of people or things.

If you think those in your immediate circle do not affect what you do and how you do it then think again.

In fact as I am writing this I just remembered a recent incident that occurred between my friends and I.

We were in Mexico for a friend’s wedding and on one of the free days, we had a fun filled day with different activities. Quad biking, zip lining, jumping into the river from different heights, it was a lot, but a fantastic day nonetheless!

One of the activities, although you had a choice on whether you wanted to do it or not, was zip lining and or jumping from different heights into the river(Fresh water). Now I am a new swimmer, so I’m not at all confident.

My friend Ref is a incredibly adventurous (she beats me hands down), a thrill seeker if you will. She is game for almost anything. She had been jumping in and out of the river and had already been on the zip line.

I didn’t want to be a punk and leave Mexico without pushing my boundaries. I too decided to get on the zip line, fear will not make me its b*tch.

What possessed me to do it? Well aside from my desire, my friend with her zest for life did it for me. There were times during the trip in Mexico where she would encourage me to try things I was apprehensive about doing, but it was her fearlessness and action that sealed the deal for me. If she can do it, then so can I and I did.

Which brings me to my next point, I had another friend with me who couldn’t swim at all, Remi. We are like two peas in a pod, out of us, I am the more daring one. After my first go at zip line, guess who wanted to do it too? She did. I nearly fell on my face when she said she wanted to do it, but not wanting scare her, I didn’t make a big deal out of it at the time.

Need I remind you that she CANNOT swim, we went towards zip line, “1, 2, 3 GO!” off we went and down we ascended.  To say I was a proud friend was an understatement; the act represented so many things for me. After being friends for nearly 15 years, I was happy to know that we were still in this race together not just physically but mentally.

Would she have done it, if I hadn’t done it first? Would I have done it, if Ref hadn’t done it before me? The answer to that question is likely to be a hell no!

If your friends are perpetually broke, the chances are (if you are not already there), that you will follow suit. It’s just like how we adopt our parents characteristics or do the things commonly done in our community. For example, why do people from a particular background or area, join gangs? It is what is done and for them like a rite of passage, what they are “supposed to do”. In the same way if you’re from a Nigerian background, university is a given.

Millionaires attract and hang around with other millionaires. Naturally their finances will increase. Why? Because they share their knowledge and expertise with one another, and often times collaborate.

Married people associate themselves with other married people, it’s a no brainer. Even if there is an anomaly amongst the group that is single, or in the relationship, the chances are high that the end result will be marriage.

You become what you see or are in association with.

Creatives hang around with other creative people, and if you are one and you don’t, I can guarantee than your production rate is minimal because there aren’t others like you to heighten that desire and inspire you.

If you have friends that are always late, you’re probably always late too, and if you’re not, then you’ll soon join them. I can vouch for that, my mother’s sense of timing is way off, so you can imagine mine isn’t fantastic,although I am working on it ( I promise).

By no means am I saying ditch your current friends, I am however, encouraging you to expand your network of friends, partnerships and associations.

When advancing onto the next level and there is no one like minded around you,  you must then brace it alone.

Years ago I started attending events alone. The result is I now have no problem being in strange environments alone and can thrive in them. Once upon a time asking a passerby a question was a challenge.

Go to where you want to be. Don’t wait for that ‘time’ or when you ‘make it’, do it now! Until you arrive (whatever arriving means to you) saturate your life with the things that reinforce your aspirations. There have been many a time where I have felt and overwhelming sense of  despair based on my environment alone.

Are there exceptions to this rule? Of course, but if you are trying to achieve something quickly then get around those who are achieving and living it, fast. If not, you will continue to remain where have always been.

Shout out to my friend Sam, who was inspired to begin writing again and start his blog www.theskepticalromantic.wordpress.com because he came across mine 🙂

Still think it’s not that important?

P.s the feature image is Remi and I.

Growth in Leaps and Bounds

23 Monday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Ability, Better, change, Cursed, Diary of an Angry Black Woman, growth, Monday Motivation, Murphys Law, Practice, Stratford

I was paid a compliment over the weekend about my blog, which is always nice to hear. The comment was your posts are so “well written”. I chuckled because my skills in writing are much better than what it used to be. Back then I didn’t care for punctuation marks, syntax, and I never, ever, ever proof read my work. As you can imagine, on reflection, it was abysmal.

I then recalled a time where I had written a post in anger about what I would consider at that point, a tumultuous period of my life. It was 2012 and that year was rough! You name it, I went through it! The brief conversation I had over the weekend caused me to go looking for this post.

When I found it and re-read it, I was howling with laughter. The write up was a complete and utter mess! It was only once and strictly for the purposes of venting, but goodness me, was I possessed? Probably, I honestly thought I was cursed, because my life was Murphy ’s Law personified: Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong*

Anyway, I mentioned the above to prove that where you start isn’t always where you will be, if you continue to practice and push forward, you WILL get better.

Below is the post from 2012, read at your own peril. Apart from the strikethroughs that I have inserted, this has not been altered, just to show you how bad it was. The post represents growth, not only in my writing ability, but also in me as a person. My mentality is completely different, stronger, less impenetrable with negativity, and I most certainly don’t stay down for as long. I now know better and for the most part, I try and do better.

Parental advisory, there are a lot of expletives, let’s just say I was VERY angry…

“Diary of an Angry Black Woman

So the day is the 7th July a Saturday to be precise and I have a meeting scheduled with a friend to conjure up our plan for world domination..ok not really. Just a business meeting really. She lives in Essex and i, in south london. We arrange to meet in Stratford as its in the middle for both of us..well sort of…what a big fucking mistake that was.

This is how my day began…I start getting ready for my 3 pm meeting, telling myself I WILL BE ON TIME -_- I jump in the bath and lather myself up, thinking about today’s pending events. Whilst doing my make up (thinking I still had ample time) i look to my laptop and see its 14.24, shit, fuck shit shit fuck where did the time go?! however this particular friend suffers from the same disease i have “johnny come lately” so I didn’t worry too much about being on time, although i felt a little defeated at not meeting my goal.

We were to meet up in Westfields Stratford but there was a problem, the car park for Westfields was closed and will be till 19th September…no i do not think you heard me.. till the 19th OF SEPTEMBER! WTF ? this is ridiculous sooo all of my tax money into a car park I cant park in? All because of the bleeding flipping Olympics, this is fast becoming the bane of my life. Did I mention I have no road tax? At a cost of 107 GBP for 6 months only, I’m finding it extremely hard to let go of that money coupled with the fact that wait…I don’t actually have that money to give…its long being legit *bbm not interested face* However I have an absolutely clean record and have no intentions in becoming a statistic so I make arrangements to sort it out before travelling to Stratford. Id managed to go unnoticed thankfully by the authorities but going to Stratford, a police hotspot I didn’t want to risk it.

I leave my house and make my way to my local to sort out my bank card, I say sort out what I really mean is to extract money from where there was no money…just call me a mathemagician ha! that was dry I know…anyway before leaving my house I call my credit card holders and tell them to unlock my card as id blocked it a few weeks ago- This was to source the road tax payment. I get to my local, put money in a pay and display ticket machine…20p per 8 mins! Ok it’s not much but when brokeness strikes every fucking penny counts. I do what i have to and leave.

The time is now 15.30 and I’m a long way from being at my meeting. I thought to myself do I chance it and go Stratford anyway or buy the road tax ? I guess fate would have its own way or maybe not…as I was driving to Stratford , I approach a post office and thought fuck it, ill get it now. I read the tax renewal form and distinctly at the bottom reads no credit card allowed FFS bummed! luckily I had made this discovery earlier on and transferred the very little that i had left into my current account from a lack lustre savings account *sigh* I had printed off a balance statement which showed I had only a fiver left in it…a fiver. Need i say more about my current affairs? times were definitely hard right now but i chose not to cry and bury myself in it but to remain cool, calm and collected. My insides were raging THIS CANNOT BE LIFE-im too nice for this stuff but whatevs right now, whatevs.
Moving on..i hop out of my car and walk towards the post office guess what? its motherfucking closed! just my luck. *sigh* 😦 i get back into my car and conclude ill go to Stratford anyway throwing caution to the wind, and in any case my friend was already there so I didn’t have a choice. I drive trying not to care that the big bad wolf may appear at anytime.

On my way there I’m thinking of where I can possibly park. Stratford a former dumping ground for all things unimportant had fast become a tourist magnet with the erection of the now infamous “Westfields” and it being the pinnacle for the Olympics. ‘The Stratford City’ as they are trying to rename it IDGAF it will always be a craphole to me. Good for the economy my ass..what about its inhabitants why cant I fucking park in the car park…morons!

Having an AHA! moment I think ill park in the other car park attached to the original mall…yeahhhhh I say convinced I got it sussed out and the answer to my present problem solved right? WRONG! as I come closer to the car park I see the sign ” Car park closed” -_____________________- you’ve got to be kidding me. I begin to think hard and fast of the next option.

I drive away from Stratford centre to the residential area in hope of finding a space. I turn into one road and seeing a single yellow line I think I’m in luck but my luck ran out straight away when I see a ticket warden issuing a ticket to a car in front of me. Great! However it is better to have seen that not to as that would have been my second ticket in a month and I wasn’t down for that shit…not today not ever! I hate those yellow looking pieces of paper ever noticeable from a distance..bloody bastards. I drive on with no progress, now I’m tired, stressed and frustrated. There were park and displays but i wasn’t prepared to pay for one I’d rather be in a car park.
Morrison’s wasn’t far but my friend’s recent ticket from there put me off so I didn’t even bother venturing inside. I think I have another “bright idea” and decide to drive to my friends in Forest Gate to park at hers and ask if she can drop me to Stratford..long winded I know but I just didn’t want a ticket or to pay a park and display no friggn way. I ping ping ping her to ask her of her availability, she gets back to me a minute away from hers to tell me she wasn’t at home. Fab just Fab.

I park up on the road and just sit there. Thinking about my pitiful life where did it all go wrong? Lord why me? What did I do? I remain there for about 10 minutes. I figure to just pick my friend up and we go to another area where there’s parking to have this meeting. I ping her to let her know my plans and she calls me to get understanding of the plan..Something she rarely gets. As we confirm the new meeting point “Bus stop” the phone goes dead.”hello, hellOOO” nothing. Hmmmp I ping her and call her but her line is dead, now is not the time for this to happen. I shouldn’t really expect any different there was always something wrong with her phone. I sit there for another 5 minutes or so hoping she’ll call back but nothing.

I decide to drive past the said bus stop which was the Stratford station one, yer the one brimming with hundreds of people yep that very one. How in the world am I supposed to see her? What I had wanted to tell her was to stay at the taxi rank bit where she’d be more visible but I couldn’t. As I draw nearer to Stratford bus stop I stay in gear 2 so as to get a better look but that was a waste of time, I saw no one.

I park in another residential area and wait for another 20 minutes, I get nothing from her. I ping her to let her know what I’ve done and how I have now left Stratford. Driving back to south london I look at my phone and I see my messages have ‘D’ next to it, are you fucking kidding me?! I park up on a road near Canning town station and wait..true to form she rings me and relays to me that her phone switched off and wouldn’t turn back on Cheers Shitberry! She said she came to the bus stop station and didn’t see me and is now on her way back home to Romford.
What a friggn waste of time and petrol.. Through no real fault of ours, the plan for world domination was put on hold.

I also found out that Morrison only charged 1 GBP for 2 hours NOW you tell me! ugh. Im just not in the mood.

So there we have it. I’m at home trying to unwind and eventually prepare for my tonights date-This better be worth it, I’m not prettying myself for another epic fail.

Moral of the story? I should of just fucking skyped.

Signed-ABW “

*Adapted by John Stapp

 

A Different Kind of Love 

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

believe, emotional, growth, health, mindfulness, Physical, self love, spiritual, toxic, You

I have wanted to write on this topic for a while now, however I am still formulating my thoughts on what it is but so far here is what I have…
Self love, what is self love? I don’t have a concrete answer for this yet, but by own personal theory and understanding, self love is loving yourself the way you would want someone to love you. I’ve described it this way because I think it’s easier to digest.

Men and women dream of this “person” that will come and save them, treat them in ways you only hear about in books. To respect them, cherish them, care for them, encourage them, share with them, understand them, forgive them, be thoughtful, accept their flaws and all these other wonderful things. My question is this, are you all of these things for yourself? And if not, why not? When we think of love, we always think of it as being something outside of ourselves, that you only share with another person or thing but never with the person you spend the most time with, you.

Self love isn’t simply the superficial things we do to make ourselves feel better, but it’s how we speak about and to ourselves, how we consider ourselves, how we serve ourselves, how we respect ourselves, how we value ourselves, how we invest in ourselves, and how we cater to our spiritual, emotional and physical needs.

What does that look like in real life? Well, it’s doing what we are supposed to do when we’re supposed to do it. Our instincts serve as a guidance for the things we should accept, remove, grow from or let go of, however we’ve been conditioned and or choose to ignore it.

How are you nourishing yourself? It is commonly said that if you don’t love and respect yourself, no one else will. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. You, are the common denominator, it starts and ends with you.

I believe if you love yourself the way you want someone to love you, it will be difficult to exist in spaces where love isn’t attracted or reciprocated back to you.

At some point in the very near future, I’ll expand further on what self love looks like in real life, but for now I hope it’s opened your mind up a little as to what it is.

Till next time, be good to yourself.

Accidentally On Purpose

16 Monday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, More Action, Motivational & Intentional

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Enriched, Evan Carmichael, Goals, Lisa Nichols, Monday, Oprah, perspective, purpose, Servitude, Shanel Cooper-Sykes, Tony Robbins

Although I’m having my whole ‘blah’ moment as I mentioned in my last post, I think this is probably the best time to continue being of service and living in and on purpose. So that is what I am doing.

Start as you mean to go on. Monday is the day that most people dread because it’s when people return to that job that they don’t really like. It can be a complete drag, especially when you’ve had a great weekend. You start to feel anxious on Sunday night over what is to come.

I have included a few videos below that I think will help put you in a better mindset. I hope it aids in creating a healthier perspective for you to have a wonderful week  ahead (and life) regardless of what you are doing. If you get at least one little nugget, then you’re that much more enriched than you were last week #Goals .

Oprah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8ncSBU-Eg

Shanel Cooper-Sykes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4r9l2ZqMbI

Tony Robbins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_myAHzZQE8o

Lisa Nichols https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARIGsnnhGAU

Evan Carmichael https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgIYXl-on0o

Happy watching xo

 

In the Middle of Nowhere

14 Saturday May 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

blogger, comparison, depression, fulfilment, give up, Happy, joy, mental suicide, nowhere, satisfaction, weird, writer

I am struggling to write at the moment, it’s been full of starts and stops, which is highly frustrating. Why? A lack of satisfaction or fulfilment maybe? I’m still figuring that out. If you are a writer or blogger of any kind I am sure you can relate.

I’m in a very weird place, sometimes I’m happy well at least I think so, and at other times, I’m melancholy. I’m assuming the latter (well hoping it is) is just a fleeting thing that will soon pass.

I am sharing this firstly for myself, its kind of like admitting that there is a problem and secondly for anyone else who might be feeling a bit lost.

My game plan for this right now is focusing my energy on the things I want to change and be better. So that would include spending more time looking at what I don’t like and the habits that created it and changing them. Being around more positive people, things, watching inspirational videos, reading books and changing my environment i.e. going to the places that make me feel better or that create good experiences for me.

One of the things I would implore you NOT to do under any circumstance is the below.

Compare

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Please

Don’t

Do

It

Comparing your life to someone else’s is mental suicide, it never ends well once you embark on that journey. Instead of focusing the energy on them and all the things that are missing from your life, channel that energy to improving the state of yours. It’s a much better use of your time and resources.

Words that I am currently doing my best to live by.

And lastly do not to give up.

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