Monthly Archives: August 2016

The Green Eyed Monster

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

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If you say you have never been jealous, compared yourself or felt the simmering rage of the green-eyed monster, you’re a liar. Yup I said it, you’re a liar, that’s like saying you don’t fart (I don’t by the way, go on, ask my family or friends), news flash everyone does, except me of course.

I find it strange when people act like they have never felt the pang of jealousy before, it’s weird. Most people feign denial because they’re too ashamed to admit that they feel some type of way. I personally think it’s as normal as any other “acceptable” emotion. Just admit it, you have felt it before! It doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply means you’re human like the rest of us.

What I irrefutably do not agree with however, is acting out based on those misplaced feelings, ever. It is not cute at all.

I have encountered friends in the past, who because of their own built up image of me, secretly resented me for what they thought I had ha! .They acted out in all manners, spiteful, vindictive, tried to ostracize me, you name it, they did it.

How did I react towards their behaviour? I didn’t. Partially because I don’t believe in acting a fool, but mainly as it is not in my nature to behave in that way, it just doesn’t produce good karma. What I do have, is this other quality that works fabulously for me, its called ignoring the hell out of them. After a long period of their own personal soul searching (roll my eyes) I have received apologies, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Still saying you’ve never been covetous? Okay lets agree that at the very least, you have looked at another’s persons blessing and been happy for them, and then suddenly felt the huge gaping void that you are yet to experience such joy. I’m going to be honest I might not fart but I definitely have felt all the emotions of the above one hundred times over.

Thankfully, I am wise enough to know that the person or thing of focus is NOT the problem, I am and that’s where extra work has to be put in. Not on sabotaging the next person or spreading fallacious lies or defaming their character or wishing them ill, me, I am the work in progress.

In my case, having been the only child for a while and being born into a Nigerian family, it’s inherent that comparisons will be made between you and other people -Facts only. I guess they do it as a means of attempting to incite motivation to do and be better, but it irrevocably has the opposite effect. You instead clothed yourself with an inferiority cloak that if you’re not mindful of, will rule your life.

From childhood into adulthood, I have consistently compared myself to others and not in a ‘I think I’m better than everybody’ way but more so in a ‘Why can’t I do better? What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t it happening for me in the way that I want it to?’ And so on.

The work in progress looks like this for me:

Constantly reaffirming to myself that what is for me is for me, continuing to focus on me and all the great things I have going on, to increase the efforts I make towards my visions, to believe that it will happen, and that it’s all about timing, it’s not a matter of if, its when.

 

Enjoy the process of creating, one day you’ll miss it, one day you’ll look back and laugh, one day you’ll see that you were right to keep on going, one day it’ll all make sense. Piece by piece, the jigsaw puzzle will come together and you’ll be thankful for all the life lessons and training you received.

Tips for getting rid of the gremlin on your shoulder

Step 1

Take inventory of all your achievements, blessings, and things you are grateful for, both big and small. Recall that once upon a time, the things you have now were once an aspiration.

Step 2

Believe in your own hype. It’s okay to toot your own horn, beep beep!

Step 3

Keep your eye on the prize. Have your goals and visions in plain sight. Whether it is in writing or through pictures, make sure you’re keeping the dream alive religiously.

Step 4

Do something for yourself everyday. Sounds a bit narcissistic but its necessary. It’s absolutely important to invest in your health and well-being. It could be reading a book, going for a walk, watching your favourite show, seeing a family member, whatever it is, make sure it is good for you.

Step 5

Repeat step 1-4 over and over and over again.

Hope this has been helpful.

XO

P.s I  can’t be the only one that loves the Bitmoji’s on Snapchat?

Just live your life your way!

29 Monday Aug 2016

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Don’t you just love waking up on a Monday morning and realizing that it’s a bank holiday (for those of us in England), which for most people means no work today, woop woop!

I hope that whatever you do today brings you the most amount of joy and fun, life is too short so YOLO.

I think that’s one of my fears, that when I’m elderly ill regret not doing the things I wanted to do and appreciating all the wonderful things I had. To this effect I have made more of a conscious effort to do what I want and to give zero ***** about what anyone else has to say, and also to cultivate a mental attitude of not worrying. The good book says and paraphrase that worrying does not increase your years, why do it?

At the end of the day life is to be experienced, not just one way but in all ways and I think you owe it to yourself to see what’s out there. Will it be scary, nerve racking and frustrating? Most definitely! But it will also be worth it, you can quote me on that!

I really don’t want you to miss out, so I encourage you to go for it. Whatever it is, give it your best shot, your mere existence is a good enough reason to try.

You might be thinking but how? Ill tell you, be your own best friend. Okay okay that sounds corny but hear me out. If you were your best friend, what would you tell yourself? And be honest. I know what I tell myself and its that I am the sh*t and I can do whatever I set my mind to do, no one can stop me, even if I am told no. This always gives me the energy and encouragement I need to keep pressing forward no matter how dire life might be at the moment, and trust me I certainly have those moments.

So put aside all and every limiting belief and simply live, do the thing that first comes to your mind, explore, express yourself, do something that excites you, speak to that person that you’ve always wanted to do, make love (yeah I said it make love), just do it!

Right I’m off to continue cleaning before heading out again for the umpteenth time, today is my ‘Saturday’. I have been way too busy having fun and living life that well…it shows in my home ha!

XO

P.s My 18 year old brother just told me he wants to go to a carnival after party, ugh! If that’s not a sign that I’m getting on…Lord help me.

Take No Prisoners, Be Indispensible

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

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As it always happens I started to write on a completely different topic and changed course midway.

I was watching ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ on Netflix, I have been utterly obsessed with law-based shows. I think as a law degree holder my interest in them is even more piqued.

Before I get to the real meat of this blog post, can I just say that the one thing I have learnt about the law in practice from watching these shows (Suits, The Good Wife, HTGAWM), is that there is always an angle and a way around the law, it truly isn’t absolute – Well that’s my take on it.

Moving on, like I mentioned earlier I was watching HTGAWM on my MacBook laptop, but I needed to do some work, so I decided to use a Toshiba laptop to watch the show. I looked at the resolution difference and I was shocked. In comparison, the MacBook wins hands down and it made me ponder, why would anyone settle for less if it is the best? The cost will pale in respect of what you’ll get.

Name one thing you need to do on a computer that Apple is not the lead in? It will be very little that they don’t excel in.

Okay sure that’s up for debate, but lets not lose focus, my point is this, you have to be indispensable, make it that even though, there are plenty other options, you are the best one for them. Have your USP upfront and centre, 4th, 5th, 6th, are not often remembered.

Be great at what you do, whether someone is watching or not, be great at it. It will pay off one day soon.

Stick to what works for you and if you don’t know what that is, ask the people around you. Enquire about what your strong suits are or what makes you stand out the most. If it’s a product or service you provide, ask them what is the most likeable thing about it and go from there.

Work with what works.

XO

P.s Well that was short and sweet.

The One…

22 Monday Aug 2016

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Ha! You thought I was going to write about that special person? Nuh uh, not today. Although I am going to speak about being “the one”, the one who can make a difference.

We severely underestimate the effect we can have in our environment, in our lives, on the people around us, to a situation, to a task, in our families, with our friends, to anything, and as a consequence we act accordingly and do nothing instead.

No sense in trying if you believe that your input will not make a difference right? WRONG! Every little thing is quantifiable and in a great way too.

We think of it as being someone else’s gift or power, and that we are somehow void of any kind of talent or gifts. You look at all the other people who achieved things and deem them as being “special” or the “chosen one”, what a load of nonsense!

EVERYONE has something to offer, you just need to understand that what you have will not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t mean you’re less valuable or necessary.

I sometimes get caught up in thinking that I am not enough that I need more. More resources, more connections, more friends, more money, more experience, a bigger audience, someone to believe in me, a team…Yes, the list is endless.

I have to stop and remind myself that I am well equipped to do it, whatever it is. I have to believe that what I need, will find me along the way. The most crucial element however, is that I begin and that I begin now!

Mo Farrah, Adele, Simone Manuel, Bill Gates, Usain Bolt, Elon Musk, Oprah, Serena Williams, Naomi Campbell, Jamal Edwards, Yeonmi Park, Richard Branson, Jack Ma are a handful of people that I am certain have been told numerous times that they won’t amount to much, that they have nothing to offer, that their background determines who they can be and so on, yet I know every single one of them because of their gifts and their story.

They chose to press forward notwithstanding the negativity and the obstacles and because of that, we have the pleasure of learning from them, being inspired by them or using their services and products, so don’t you dare think for one second that you are not capable!

Nothing will come to you if you sit in your house mopping or continuing on with mundanity of life, you have to switch it up and try something new. Opportunity or a chance to stimulate change will not come knocking on your door. You have to get out there and do something. Your action jump-starts a series of chain reactions of hopefully better things to come.

Believe in yourself, nothing is too small or too big, every little helps.

All it takes is one person and why can’t it be you?

Ain’t too proud to beg…

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

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I am about to be a hypocrite with what I say next, but this specific mission is a challenge for me too: It’s okay to ask for help.

Did I just lose a limb saying that? Nope, I survived.

I was raised by a very proud and strong-willed mother, so naturally I would have her traits-Go figure!

I find asking for help to be quite a task, because in some way I have been cultivated to see it as a sign of weakness. If someone offers help, I’ll be much more likely to accept it albeit with hesitation, but to ask for it? Oh boy.

I am here to declare today that asking for help will not kill you, instead you’ll have a better chance at succeeding. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no and then? You move on to the next person.

I was told once ‘No man is an island’ and this idiom is categorically true as we are all connected in one way or another.

When people say they are self-made, I laugh, because that ‘self-made’ individual was assisted by someone who believed in them, someone who saw value in them, without others to invest in us, where would we be?

Do not suffer in silence, ask for help if you need it. Do not let pride stop you from excelling.

Pause: I just asked for help and was rejected. I think the next half of this should be on rejection.

I asked a thriving business owner if I could shadow her while she worked, kind of like a one day internship. I mean what better way to become more informed than to follow someone’s work? Well I guess she thought otherwise and I was rejected for the one-millionth time in life lol. I can’t tell you how many times someone has said no to me in one capacity or other. Should I close up shop and call a day because they said no? HELL NO!

You dust yourself off, adjust your crown, and continue to knock on the doors, windows, and buildings of opportunity until there is a crack! It might not happen today but it will happen!

Nothing fuels me more than someone not believing in my abilities, if they don’t care for your life or business, there is someone out there who will!

Don’t give up, don’t give in, do keep trying, do keep learning, do keep evolving!

It’s a matter of time, its not ‘if ‘ its ‘when’. 

XO

P.s I think I used about 100 exclamations marks, I was passionate huh?

Woe is me

15 Monday Aug 2016

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Good Morning Beautiful People!

If you’re in London, please do your best to enjoy this weather because we all know how fleeting it is!

I was watching ‘The Good Wife’ and Alicia said and I paraphrase ‘we don’t have a problem, we have an opportunity’.

‘I don’t have a problem, I have an opportunity’, say it a few times. It makes you feel differently doesn’t it? It gives you back the power over your situation. You can either look at it as you’re damned, or that this is an opportunity to transform and elevate your life.

When you tune in to bullsh*t, the tendency is you’ll continue to create more of that. Woe is me soon transitions into woe becomes me.

It’s about how you set your internal GPS, if you key in negativity, well that’s the direction you’ll head in until you decide otherwise. If you don’t like the direction, then you have to stop, and reroute the internal GPS. Fixate your mind on a new belief/perspective and let it shape and guide you.

Today’s a good a day as any, to refocus, re-strategise and go full steam ahead towards the life of your dreams. It’s not impossible it’s quite the opposite, it’s VERY possible, your goals and aspirations are just as real as you are, if only you would begin to act like it.

I have to stress how important it is to keep your eye on the prize, look towards the end goal, let thoughts and feelings of achieving that ambition engulf you.

To help you stay on target, use pictures, write things down everywhere, repeat affirmations, surround yourself with like-minded people who can hold you accountable, change your environment, go to the places now that you think you can only go to when you ‘make’ it, watch things that cultivate the spirit of what you want to embody, read books, generally saturate your life with what you want and not with what you don’t want.

As I say over and over again, everything we see around us was once a mere thought but someone persisted, believed in themselves and in their goal and made it happen.

You can too!

XO

Re-invent yourself. You’re boring!

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

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Snapchat inspired this post. I am an avid user and think the concept is great!

A few weeks ago snapchat included bitmoji’s, which my friend and I absolutely love and it got me thinking. Snapchat is constantly evolving and that’s the very reason why people enjoy it so much. There’s always something new to play around with. 

There is only so long you can continue to do the same thing without changing yet still expecting to be effective. What once worked now doesn’t and you therefore have to improve yourself and or your business in order to remain powerful, relevant and influential. To do that you must reinvent yourself, like Hov says “allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is…”

Let’s look at this Pokémon Go craze that took over the world a couple of weeks back, people were losing their minds over this game. Everywhere you looked there was someone on it, men and women in a zombie like trance, looking for a Pokémon. Here’s the thing with this kind of fad, it is short lived, the creators must now find a way to make it more interesting and continue to captivate its users as I am sure it will. 

Snapchat has a different kind of fan base, their rise to popularity has been slow and steady. They have our attention now and to keep it, they make it their business to keep it fresh.

Come to think of it, I’m sure in some way Snapchat is going to give me an inferiority complex because some those filters make me look way too good ha! I still love it.

I have thought many times about how and why Beyoncé is still relevant decades later. Achieving this kind of success is not easy, she has to constantly stay ahead, use the element of surprise and raise the bar.

People get bored of seeing the same thing, you have to show what else you have to offer, in what other way can people relate to you? What makes you different from Lucy or Liam? Why should I pay attention you?

It’s time to get creative! Brainstorm on the things that you like to see and what grabs your attention. Consider how you can implement these new ideas into whatever it is you do. There is absolutely nothing that cannot be achieved with persistency, desire and determination.

Think of it this way, recall a time where you really wanted something that wasn’t easily attainable but you pursued it anyway and got it, remember? You can duplicate that success again if only you would apply yourself. 

Just another thing to add, STAY in your lane, don’t jump onto the next thing because it is currently ‘popping’, quick fads are exactly that, quick fads. Stick to what you are good at and focus on improving that, dominate it, and then move onto something else.

Cultivate the habit of being a master of one rather than mediocre at multiple trades. I’m not saying you cannot be good at many things, of course you can, but would you rather be decent at a few things or great at one thing first? I know what I would chose and take it from me, being a jack of all trades doesn’t establish you as having a USP and what you need, what we all need is a USP.

I mean would you take anyone seriously who has not yet achieved success in one thing first, yet claims to be good at a trillion other things all at the same time? Nah. 

Most successful people start off with having that one thing that they’re known for as being an authority in and then over time they diversify.

Dominate then diversify.

Last thoughts: Sometimes I think the way I write in comparison to my real life personality is boring. Yes I said it, boring. In real life I’m a lot more energetic, creative and spontaneous, but when it comes to this blog I almost strip myself bare of all of those qualities but that’s about to change.

Watch this space…

P.s I decided to reinvent myself as a bunny hence the picture…no, not really.

Don’t be a dreamer

08 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by in Late night, Less Talk, Life, More Action, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

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I have been thinking about late night writing or posting should say. Why? Because I’m a vampire of course.
No but more seriously, there is bound to be a community of nutters, I mean like minded people scouring the internet for something to divulge into, right? People like me.

I had a pretend community called ISG, Insomniac Support Group because le struggle to sleep was real. It consisted of myself and one other guy on Twitter ha!

Anyway back to the matter. My first late night post goes a little something like this: Go to sleep. Just kidding.

What keeps me up at night? Erm a whole host of things, bills, bills, bills, have I said bills?  If I’m honest I try not to allow such things deprive me of sleep, usually if I am up till late, my aspirations are haunting me, literally.

I find that sometimes I spend a large amount of time thinking about them rather than actually doing them. The reason is usually because I have never done it before and truth be told my goals scare me lol, so what do I do instead? Procrastinate.

Last week I bought the audio book by the Shonda Rhimes “Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person”.

Shonda is both incredibly inspirational and a pioneer of her own kind. She consistently breaks the mould in various aspects of her life and is living it exactly the way she wants it. I applaud her boldness and her ability to say no to some things and yes to others, if you’ve read/listened to the book, you’ll know what I am referring to.

The thing that most resonated with me from her book, was something she said in her commencement speech at Dartmouth University, which she was petrified of doing. She said don’t dream, do.

Now you might say ‘yeah we know that Irene, we all know that’ yes we have heard it a trillion times but how well have those words permeated your skin? What’s the ratio of what you do to what you don’t do in respect of your goals? Be honest with yourself.

It was like I was hearing those words again for the first time. Its funny because my posts are riddled with ‘action talk’ yet I felt a renewed sense of attachment to the words ‘Don’t dream, do’ as if I had unlocked a new level on a game, the game of life. Maybe its because I knew I wasn’t doing nearly enough.

Yes its great having dreams, but dreams will remain a fantasy if you don’t do anything about it.

No sense in conjuring beautiful images of what you’d love your life to look like if you don’t in fact take any action towards doing something about it.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to do it, just keep doing what you know and be keen to learn.

The idea is to not keep still waiting for the perfect time or opportunity. Now is the perfect time and you are the opportunity.

Keep moving, keep repeating, keep practicing, keep learning, and most importantly keep doing.

By being proactive, the universe will aid and abet in order to get where you want to be but you have to do, consistently and persistently.

Okay that’s my lot. See you night creatures! XO

People change and that’s okay.

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

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Sometimes the people you know, change, and that’s perfectly okay.

I had a situation at work where I “thought” I was building a good working relationship with someone and then I found out she was intentionally trying to undermine my capabilities to another colleague. I. Was. Livid.

It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone who wasn’t in close proximity, people talk, people will always talk, but to find out it was someone I was “pally pally” with, stung. I wanted to take back every ounce of my genuine care, consideration, niceness and effort. Of course I can’t do that now, it’s too late, damn it!

I had a neighbour, an older woman, who was lovely to me and my family for 14 years. She would always and I mean always gift my family with home cooked meals, biscuits, sweets, apples from her garden, you name it she provided it. We had supported each other in many different ways over the years. She and my late grandma were even good friends.
And then, all of sudden, she stopped communicating with us, stopped coming by, was curt and the usual friendliness that we were used to was no longer there.
I made a couple of attempts to see how she was doing and enquire if everything is okay and she would respond with plain answers without looking me in the eye. To say I was perplexed is an understatement.

I had someone who I believed to be a good friend, who purposely excluded me from being privy to major life changes, that Sue, Bob, Jim, Mary, basically *randoms all knew about…erm what?-_-

All of which was strange, abrupt and unsettling.

Things like this can leave you confused, upset, questioning your actions and theirs, yet you’d be no closer to understanding what the hell happened.

It’s surprising and it’s hurtful, but it happens and there is no need to blame yourself. How they behave is entirely on them, you cannot assume responsibility for it, you can only be responsible for yourself and how you conduct yourself.

Why don’t you simply ask them what’s wrong, you say? There’s this thing called denial. You can ask till your purple in the face and get nothing. They’re not comfortable in revealing what’s upset them so they say nothing or it may be that they have issues completely unrelated to you, you just happen to be on the receiving end.

How do you conduct yourself in these situations? As you always have, with a little more caution. The best thing is to redirect that focus onto yourself and the other people you have in your life. Remove yourself from the people and situations that no longer serve you. Give these people the space to just be, don’t get mad, retaliate or harbour ill feelings, instead wish them well.

I have encountered many of these types of situations and I opt for the high road. I don’t act out, I don’t behave like I have horns and if I do, I soon come to my senses and remedy it. I continue to be a good person and not allow their actions to change my character. If you do this, the testament is they usually come back, apologetic, different and willing to be better. I can personally vouch for this.

Life is way too short to deal with BS of any kind from anyone.

XO

*Randoms is British slang for a nobody, an irrelevant being, stragglers. You get my drift…

 

Time is of the essence ‘cuz tomorrow is not promised

01 Monday Aug 2016

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I need another weekend to recuperate from the weekend that I have just had. I went from not having much to do, to 2 weddings and one of them ending in me returning home at 4 o’clock in the morning. 

In making the effort to be present, I have felt a greater sense of gratitude.

It’s hard not to be grateful when you still have your mother who is alive and well, when you have a roof over your head and your own personal space, when you have friends that love you and want to be in your company, when you have full control of your body, when you can celebrate with people who have found love, young and old as they walk down the aisle, when your talented sister does your hair wonderfully at no extra cost, when your brother gallantly welcomes you and always has a smile on his face, when you suddenly get dragged into a ring full of people to dance and you begin to do so awkwardly with your friends all the while laughing your head off, when you see your friend who has not been her usual vibrant self, come to life and shake all of what her mama gave her, when you recall the family and friends who have supported you financially without a second thought, when you’re able to spectate on the sunset as you drive home with your family… these are only a few of the things that I feel blessed to have witnessed and embrace. 

Sadly, some people have walked out of their house this morning with every expectation that they will return home, they will not. Some do make it home, but not in the same way, their lives will be changed forever. How haughty of us to believe that everything will be same and that things cannot take an unprecedented turn for the worse? For this reason, it is vital that we appreciate what is before us, from the little things to the big things, in the good and also in the not so good. 

Pause:

In the midst of writing this, I began to feel frustrated, sad and irritable due to external factors and I could not feel or focus on what I was writing. I took a break and looked for something that inspired me, a virtual mentor. As I went through their communication and interaction with the world, I started to feel a calmness move over me and I was reminded of my purpose and that things will be just fine.

It is important to be aware of what is happening with you and to have proactive measures to restore your mind and also your body. I thought I’d share that with you, because, well, I’m human 🙂 . 

Play:

I looked on social media and was faced with an array of horrific news of losses that had occurred over the past couple of days, I was deeply sadden and I sympathise with those suffering. 

What I wish to convey here, is a sense of urgency, to relish every good thing and moment while it is with you. Sorrying and I wish’ing later on, changes nothing.

Here, now, the good, the bad, the small, the big, find a way to see the positive and the upside to what is happening because need I say it, tomorrow is not promised.

Put on the biggest pair of rose coloured glasses if you must and let it affect what you do, how you do it, and the people around you.

Take nothing for granted.

 XO