Monthly Archives: December 2017

‘If It Doesn’t Challenge You, It Won’t Change You’

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I’d be the first to say I like an easy life. Stress and drama are not my kindred and so far as is possible I avoid it, but sometimes you simply can’t, sometimes its necessary.

I saw the above title on Instagram yesterday and all the ways this statement applies came flooding through my mind; the gym, my career, my relationships.

When hardship comes, we often look for the quickest way to stop it, instead of looking at how this can shape us to be better. We don’t want to struggle or to feel pain, but truth be told whether we like it or not it’ll come, the real test is in how we deal with it.

The challenges that come our way are an opportunity to become better and refine our character, however this will not be possible if every time something threatens our comfort we run or shut down.

Challenge is an integral part of anyone’s development, learn to embrace it and make it work for you not against you. When next it crosses your path, refuse to run or shut down, ask yourself ‘How can this make me better?’

Xo

Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

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Part 1

“Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car. 

She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over her. 

Jamal’s head snapped back to see his girlfriend staring at him in utter disbelief. “It’s not what it looks like” Jamal stuttered. Emmy didn’t respond. “Let’s go” she said calmly. 

Not another word was said and they left.

Chelle had by this point sat upright with her knees close to her chest and her arms in a tight embrace around them. She was not going to move or make a sound. She wished the wooden flooring would open up and swallow her whole, but when has your deepest desire ever come true when you needed it the most. 

She was still there, live in the flesh, watching the entire scene unfold before her eyes like a showreel except she was the lead character living out her worst moment.

Chelle wasn’t sure what would have been worse, the two words said or Emmy going into a rage and beating the absolute crap out of her. It’s like when you’ve done something bad and your parents sit you down and say “I’m disappointed”. Those two words have the power to shift worlds and make any person rethink their entire existence. You’d much rather they scold you, that way they can feel guilty in the end, but no, they won’t give you the power. That’s how this moment felt to Chelle.

She sat there with her back against the steel cold leg of the God forsaken island and sobbed. Her body shook with the memories of all the things that went wrong over the past three years. She cried for her short comings and failures. She wept for her loneliness.

Two beeps were heard from her phone. With a wet nose and hot tears streaming down her face, she crawled over to where it was, hoping it was a message from God saving her from her current plight. It wasn’t. The message read “Be out by Sunday”. 

Murphy’s law was in full effect and Chelle could do nothing but wail herself to sleep. 

The sunlight coming through a gap of the closed curtains woke Chelle up. She stirred but didn’t move a limb. It was two hours later before she moved her body and slowly gathered her bearings. It was at that moment that she realised the mahogany stained floor had been her pillow and bed for the night. As she began to wonder how she ended up there, the events from last night came flooding back. She considered laying back down but the discomfort and aches in her body influenced her otherwise. 

With nothing left to give she walked towards her room. It seemed so foreign to her like she was seeing it for the first time and in some ways she was. She’d outgrown this space. This way of living and feeling hurt too much and she was spent.

Maybe this would be a great opportunity for change. She could have a do over and leave everything behind. She never did belong here, this was a poor attempt to live a life that she knew deep down wasn’t for her.

She picked up her laptop, typed in what she was looking for, done. 

Taking only a few treasured items and passport, she left. Chelle would return home.

Xo

This is 30!

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I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting.

At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could go wrong, all went wrong at one time’. I couldn’t catch a break. For every disappointment, I steamrolled my way forward, refusing to stop, just dusting myself off and keeping it pushing. Of course there is only so long you can continue on that path until it all falls down, and that came the day before my birthday, a few hours before my dinner party. My emotions boiled over and momentarily a dam broke. Fortunately, I didn’t have the capacity to wallow in it because I had a dinner to be at, and not just any dinner at that, MY 30th birthday dinner.

The dinner was amazing! I am so fortunate to have had great people to help organise, plan and oversee the proceedings of the day as I could not have done it without them. It’s a huge blessing to also have friends and family that would show up and I’m incredibly grateful.

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What do I think so far about being 30? It’s been 3.5 days and its too soon to have a fully formed answer to this, but so far, it feels like a coming into something new. I have renewed energy to appreciate the things that I have and to make even better what I have been given. Ironically,  I also feel like the baby of the next decade (lol) which is great and I don’t feel so “old”.

I’m excited about what’s next and looking forward to the year ahead. I want to be able to say this time next year “What a difference a year makes” in the most wonderful way.

What do you want to say this time next year?

Xo

 

 

 

20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

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Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, love, Thoughts in motion

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Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich you
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline. Otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo

The Year of Realisations

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Posted by in Experiences, Late night, Lessons Learnt, Life

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As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase.

A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to anything (usually funny stuff) that takes her by surprise. I have a similar use for that phrase except the surprises are a bit more painful than funny.

I have recently had to question and re-evaluate some of the friendships that I have and it hurts to know that perception isn’t always reality.

The realisation that the esteem I held people in isn’t mutual is a hard pill to swallow. What concerns me more is having to look at myself and ask how did I get it so wrong? Why did I give of myself in a way that would yield such little return or regard?

I share this purely to show that irrespective of who anyone is, everyone deals with similar things.

How will I go forward with this new ‘enlightenment?’ Time and wise counsel from God. The one thing I do not want to do is harden my heart and become bitter, because let’s be real that will do more damage to me than it’ll ever do to them.

Relationships of any kind are hard work and require consistent reciprocal effort, compromise and compassion. If these are missing then it’s time to release the noose from around your neck and free yourself.

You cannot be of service from an empty space, you have to be full and part of that comes through your relationships with others.

Remember this, if there’s no love in it, leave it.

…In other news this is how I’m trying to be for the rest of the week:


LIT!

Xo

P.s I’ll be back to normal asap.

Turning 30: 20 Things to Know in Your 20’s

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Can I scream? Am I allowed? I feel like I need to or rather I am going to.

This week has been, how do I put it nicely, challenging. I don’t know whether it is because I am turning 30 in exactly a week or there is something in the water but whatever it is, I need it to hurry up and go away.

In light of this pending new age, I thought it’d be good to do a list of the 20 things to know in your 20’s of what I have learnt, loved and lost.

As someone who is nearing the end of their 20’s you can only imagine the level of anxiety that I and many others like me are experiencing. By my culture and this societies standards,  I needed to have been married, had a baby, bought a home, a thriving career and lots of money in the bank. Ha! Almost none of those have happened.

So here are the first five things I have learnt about my 20’s:

  1. Use your youth. If you can work, work, if you can create, create. Use the energy that you have now as over time you may not have the same intensity. Think Mark Zuckerberg, Evan Spiegel, and Jessica Matthew, to name a few
  2. Look after your credit so it can look after you.
  3. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Form friendships of value. In any relationship it is a give and take
  4. Have wild ambitions but set realistic goals towards achieving them. Don’t say you want to be a best-selling author by the end of the month yet you haven’t begun your story. Make the steps towards achieving your goals practical and achievable and over a period of time, you will accomplish it.
  5. If you have an idea, build on it now. There’s absolutely no such thing as the perfect time. Will you fall flat on your face? Most likely. But what you will learn will be invaluable to your growth and development.

Growing into adulthood isn’t easy and as with anything there’ll be highs and lows, you just have to learn how to roll with it.

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I’m smiling inside, I promise.

See you tomorrow!

XO

P.s I am accepting virtual gifts next week 🙂

 

 

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

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You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff.

I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up.

I am kicking myself because I am so sure that I shouldn’t be in this position. I should have known it wasn’t a great idea, I should have left when I was supposed to, I should not have committed even just a little bit if I knew that I would not go the distance, I should have had the foresight to see what could go wrong, and the rhetoric goes on and on and on.

Needless to say, that particular dialogue is unhelpful, in fact it’s rather useless. I have two options; continue with that line of thought or be pragmatic about it. I, although challenging to do, have chosen the latter.

When things don’t go as expected, it’s very easy to wallow and sing woe is me, however it’s much more work to will yourself to see the upside and press forward.

In evolving forward, a good place to start is by taking responsibility for the part you have played. Think about what you did, what effects did it have? Was it positive or negative? What are the ramifications?  Get a full picture of what has taken place. You see, the mess isn’t necessarily created in that instant, it’s usually prepped and primed beforehand, meaning there are things we have done that contributed to what we now experience.

But, let’s be honest, we’re all winging this thing called life. We’re figuring it out as we go along, making mistakes, failing, falling, and everything else in between, yet those are the very things that can propel us forward to something even better. A chance to grow and be great is, irrespective of our circumstances, a blessing.

Embrace the things that cause you to question yourself and re-evaluate your choices as that will lead you (should you choose) to something worthwhile.

Okay, I’m going now, I have some figuring out to do but I’ll be back soon enough. Until then, *sings* goodbye my lover, I mean have a super sexy week ahead! Yes I said super sexy 🙂

Xo