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On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.



WDYWM?! Episode 10–My Life In Paris

This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.

Forgive–To Cancel a Debt.

Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life. To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve. …but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison.  Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re …

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What Are You Looking At? 

A video of Kim K came across my sight over the weekend. It was her on SNL. I watched it and it dawned on me that I have no idea what she and her family were up to these days.  It’s fascinating what can change once you set your eyes on something entirely different.  I regularly …

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Finishing Well

I visited the Musée Yves Saint Laurent on Sunday and was re-energised by what I saw. For the designer, it was more than just clothes that looked good, it was art, curated by passion, breaking moulds and forging new ways to be seen and felt. As I perused his wears, studied the fabrics, observed the …

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