Category Archives: Dreams

Career hopping: The Ineffective Route to Success

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Without a vision, people perish.

I am about to be really judgy (in my world, all made up words are real, mmkay!), and I can do so because I was once (sometimes still) one of the regular culprits for this kind of behaviour: Indecisive.

If there was a list of offenders, I’d be the top 5:

  1. Irene
  2. Irene
  3. Irene
  4. Irene
  5. Irene

You get the point…I am talking to myself as much as I am you.

I truly love when people want to do well in life, I want everyone to win, even people I consider dusty lol, however, it frustrates me to no end when people change their ideas, businesses and goals on a regular basis. Like I’m going to need you to stick to one thing for AT LEAST a year or *summink!

I find that when people change their plans often and quickly, at the root of it, is a lack of vision, clarity or passion.

If it doesn’t work in the first instance, the most common action that I see some people take is to throw it all away, which is easily done when you are not convicted of your why or have a good understanding of how things work.

We build up great expectations about how things should be and feel like and once that doesn’t match our ideals then it must not be working or right for us. Abandoning your goals for those reasons can in many cases limit your ability to see the opportunity right in front of you.

The opportunity for growth is always present but if you’re hung up on what it is supposed to look like and believe that progress should just smack you right in the face, then you my friend will be gravely disappointed.

You see other people thriving in their careers and it appears to you like it happened overnight and that simply is not the case. Even if there are some people that ‘fall’ into a career and you consider them successful, there is a lot of work that goes into maintaining it, a lot.

What I really want to stress is that you cannot continue to flit about from one career to another, one business to another, one partner to another and expect to be successful, in fact it may be the very reason you are not. You have to focus your energy on one thing first, not one hundred things at once. Work on the opportunity that you have in your hand and stop looking at someone else’s grass believing it is greener. Yours could be just as green if you refrain from being a scatter brain (cheeky, I know) and channel your efforts into making the thing you want a success.

You need to be consistent, patient and focused on the outcome, not on how the outcome comes about or how long it’s taking, just scrap the ‘hows’ altogether. Zone in on your why and it’ll keep you going.

Now granted you may very well do that and it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, all hell does not have to break loose! What you can do in that situation is to take the learning experience and apply it in another area of your life.

There will be times that the thing you want doesn’t want you right now and to combat that, you must look at what is working, and ride it until the wheels fall off. Another opportunity with time, will present itself.

JF

Jamie Foxx is a perfect example of this. His first passion was music, but at the start of his career music didn’t want him, comedy and acting did. He worked that circuit for a few years before he released his second album which did considerably better than his first. By this point he was well recognised and respected in the entertainment business. It was much easier for people to be more receptive to his music-He wins! (Let’s gloss over his ‘15 National Anthem performance *side eye* thanks).

MA

Mahershala Ali has been acting for 16 years and my very first exposure to him was only last year in the Netflix series Luke Cage and now he’s everywhere!-And the first Muslim to win an Oscar 🙂

Nothing worth having will be easy. It will have twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows, it is part and parcel of living.

Work on your craft and if the craft isn’t working, work on something that is working. You can quote me on this, it will happen for you, eventually.

Xo

P.s *Summink South East London colloquialism for Something.

29 and Unmarried

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I can’t even begin to tell you what its like to be a woman of African descent born and raised in the United Kingdom.

Trust me when I say there are many realms to navigate through, AND to do it successfully? Its hard, hard af.

In my culture if you’re not married at 29, you’re already past your sell-by date. Yes it IS the be all and end all. It’s something almost all mothers irrespective of backgrounds are worried about.

It’s heralded as an unspoken and if you’re Nigerian very spoken of rite of passage for a lot of women. I remember shortly after graduating, the questions began to come in thick and fast about when I will get married, as if I am supposed to pluck a good suitor from a tree, wrap him up and present him to the family. As the first born in my family and one of the eldest in my extended family, in Tupac’s words “All eyes on me”. I had to ban my family at one point from asking me such questions and I won’t even begin to touch on the children, biological clock, and your eggs will be dust talk…That’s too much to discuss in one day.

If its not my family, its my friends and their families. Sometimes they say it and at other times I just feel it, the general consensus is “Irene, you are the problem, stop being so picky etc”. At some point, not sure when exactly, I started to believe them and it cost me! I mean if ‘everyone’ is thinking it and often times saying it, they must be right, right? I MUST be the problem, right? I didn’t want to be the black sheep and the one who wouldn’t get in line, so I ignored all the alarm bells and stood in the shit for a little too long. I entertained pursuits that I knew from the get-go were not right. Fortunately for me, I came out bruised and not broken.

Do not and by that I mean NEVER go against what you feel in your gut.

In addition to desperately trying to make something work, I spent a few months last year looking at every woman’s finger and then harshly judging her because the conditioning I had had since I was a child began to engulf me and swallow me whole, like Jonah. The thoughts swirling around my head were what’s wrong me? Why does she get to be married? Why wasn’t this a part of my life? Nobody wants me?! (Proceeds to cry in the corner).

The pressure to be married or find your soul mate is everywhere and unavoidable. It’s on TV, its on social media, it’s on YouTube, it’s on the tube, anywhere you can think of it, it’s there, haunting you.

There is an implicit notion that you are broken if you are not in relationship, engaged or married. Having a ring on your finger infers that you are wanted, loved and that someone saw value in you enough to make you a Mrs. This train of thought is detrimental, soul destroying and on every level, just wrong.

You are not broken, nor unloved or unwanted. The ideals established by our families, our cultures and society are often times unrealistic and can lead to an unhealthy state of being.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that I have been delivert*,I have finally made peace with all those demands and expectations that I and others had for my life. I have opted to be nobodies bitch least of all this society’s.

I have become very clear on what a good suitor looks like and my previous experiences were not it and I’ll be damned if I get to the altar and Mr Big chooses not to show up, someone will die, sorry I mean…nah, someone will die!

There is a whole lot more to life than being married or in a relationship. Life doesn’t stop there as my many married friends will tell me, it’s also not an easy feat. While it may not be in your very immediate future, do not sit there moping and become a glutton, get busy. Get busy in discovering more about yourself and living your best life yet while it is still on your own terms, because when you do eventually settle down, you can kiss goodbye to that lol.

Really spend time investing in yourself and your goals. Focus on the things that make you happy outside of anyone and do that, explore, learn a language, travel a lot, buy a home, do a placement abroad, write a book, go back to university to study (actually don’t, tbc), try new things, become a yoga instructor, take a series of cooking classes, make money, join a circus, start painting, get into photography, start a business, take a twerking class (hey, your mate will thank you later),spend time with your non annoying family members and friends, become so busy with living a wonderful life that you do not have time to feel sorry for yourself or look at other peoples lives as being seemingly better than yours. Your life can be amazing on your own, you do not need a mate to have a fulfilling life.

Now, I am not advocating that you completely shun your desire to have a mate, simply that you do not make it your everything. When people are desperate, desperate ideas and decisions become them. When people are happy, well you know how that goes.

I’m off to the gym now at 00:40, okay i’m lying, I was going to though, ha! Tomorrow, I promise.

Goodnight Xo

Ps Delivert- The act of being over delivered from something. Past past tense lol.

Hey, Listen Up!

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Hi Guys,

My real name is Irene and erm I have a tendency to saunter off when life gets manic but I’m working on it and I hope you can stick with me.

Pretty please…?

Thank you!

Xoxo

Okay, we’ve established that I’m guilty of going away and my excuse is I have been traveling, I visited Paris ooh la la. I don’t mean to sound like I am full of excuses because I am not. Well, not really, they are more like reasons, yes reasons, reasons sound better.

Anyway, I hope you have been doing fabulously! Let’s talk.

I was saying to someone yesterday, that it is so much easier to believe in someone else’s hype than your own. Why is that? :s
Take me for example, I personally believe everyone can fly if they want to, but to fill out an application form for myself sometimes is like Mount Kilimanjaro -_- .Not because I cannot do it, but if truth be told because I am not sure I’ll get it and dealing with rejection is a mother******.  The kicker is how am I supposed to get it, if I do not do the work that is required? However, ask me to jump off a ledge and I’d sooner do that than apply for a role. It is a strange conundrum I know but we’re going to mend it!

I can talk your ear off about affirmations, positivity, and all that stuff but, something has to change and the catalyst for that is action.

Let’s be about it, I am all about making leaps and bounds this year and shaking off those gremlins that have been gnawing at my/our brain ( gross I know) and preventing us from living the life we have always wanted to.  I am therefore challenging you to a duel with me, not really a duel, but to intentionally do the things that scare you shitless. I mean that thing that merely thinking about it, gives you the shits. Don’t front, we have all experienced that intense nervousness. That nervousness which you experience may be an indication of something that you really, really, really need to do.

How else are you going to make your dreams a reality, if you don’t switch up your regular, mundane, dry chapped lipped routine?  You must inject some life, some oomph, some je ne sais quoi into it!

Stop playing small and cowering away, step outside your comfort zone.

Oh and because I am not fear’s b*tch (lol I am on one today), I am sending part of my manuscript to two publishers this week, whoa!

You gon’ learn ta day!

XO

P.s Irene has been abducted and the above post was written by a clone named Irina. We do apologise if this post caused offence, sike!

2016: Final Thoughts

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What a crazy and challenging year!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the New Year ahead. I am sooooooooo ready for it for many reasons.

I have learnt an incredible amount and there’s nothing like good ol’ trial and tribulations to grow you ‘real quick’.

I pushed myself and was pushed, I loved, I lost, I succeeded and failed miserably, I strengthened relationships and some I severed. All in all, these are the things that enrich my life for the better.

My top 5 takeaways are:

  1. Everything has a season. A time to sow and a time to reap. It will happen for you, be patient.
  2. BE patient
  3. Trust your intuition
  4. It will not work if you don’t
  5. Don’t force it. Pay to attention to what you really should be paying attention to and give that your energy.

I have to emphasise this, 2017 can only be better if you are. Do whatever you can that’s within your power to live your best life yet.

Be mindful of what you think, use caution when you speak, and act as often as you can.

I wish you a fantastic New Year and a MIND BLOWING 2017!!!

Much love

Irene Xo

P.s Some pics below from my recent birthday…I jumped out of a plane!  I’ll talk about my birthday another time, what an experience!

 

 

image3-1image2 (2).JPGOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Are you willing?

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To pay the price that is.

Ask anyone what they want and 8/10 times they’ll have to think about it for a few minutes. Ask them what they don’t want and they’ll begin to list it off at lightning speed, myself included. When they do eventually tell you what they want and you follow up with this next question, “What are you doing to make that happen?” they start to foam at the mouth because they haven’t done anything. How can we want something when we have done nothing to help the situation? Where and on what planet does that make sense? It doesn’t.

It’s definitely time to realign yourself, and fast. Get with the real program of your life, not this fake one you have concocted. I say concocted because you’re living with two different parallels, the one you want but won’t work for because you’re afraid and the one you don’t want but work for every day, that my friend is a concoction for disaster.

I must confess, I’m quite the dreamer or maybe it’s that I’m spoilt? I can talk a pretty good game but my execution isn’t always as tight. I want things to happen the way I imagined, and not the way it’s usually been set out before me. In short, I want the easy way out, always, the easy way out-Who doesn’t? But life, easy? Nope. The gag is, the easy way out is usually more costly than the hard route.

You ever buy a cheap item thinking you’re saving, but it breaks down 2 seconds after using it, and you end up buying the expensive one and now that’s even more money than you anticipated spending because you were trying cut costs, cheap ass- Just kidding! Gets me every time.

I was thinking about this task that I set myself to own a property and I had a lightbulb moment. I realised the solution has been right under my nose this whole entire time and then I started to think about all the things I would have to do to maintain it. It.Suddenly.Felt.Overwhelming Ugh.

Actually, actually on second thought, maybe I don’t want it, in fact I know I don’t want it, whose idea was this anyway?…Sound familiar?

We do it all the time, whenever we begin to broach uncharted waters and the boat begins to rock, rather than ride it out, we want a life boat to come along and save us.

How long are you going to do that for? Times a ticking and in my case I’m sure I’ll blink and suddenly be 60 years old wondering where all the time has gone.

Think of it this way, if every time shit got scary or tough, you screamed for a life boat, will you ever attain that goal? Like ever? Doubt it. I mean I don’t mean to doubt you per se, butttt ummm the proof is in the pudding.

Getting what you want in life WILL require sacrifice and not necessarily the roasting of a pig on a stick, with fire burning beneath it, sort of sacrifice, but close.

Nothing worth having comes easy, and if it comes easy, well easy come, easy go.

So I ask you again, are you willing? Stop playing small for fear of failing, stop it.

In order to have what you want, you have to go out on a limb (I have only just understood what that phrase really means) and just jump. We’re pretty amazing at anything and when push comes to shove we find ways to rise to the occasion. This or that would be no different.

Think more of what you truly want and less of what you don’t want and make plans towards making it happen!

XO

PS And erm yeah if this owning a property business doesn’t work out, can someone put me up for a few weeks, months, a year maybe? Thanks in advance.

PPS Oo ooo oo I just saw this quote on the gram, “Worrying is a misuse of your imagination”. Let that marinate.

Broken Dreams: The dreaded 30’s

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Do I have any 80’s babies that are anxious about turning 30? Please say I!

30 is the new 20 right? Rightttt?? I need reaffirmation here ugh.

Whenever I think about not achieving certain aspirations, I start to panic and have mini drama episodes. I know I know, melodramatic, but it’s just how I feel.

I set myself a goal when I was 22, that by the time I turn 30 I would have­­____________ fill in the blank. Well 30 is looming over my head like a dark grey cloud, and by the end of next year I would have reached that mark. So yes, I am freaking out, majorly, just picture me running around in circles frantically in an empty room, and then running towards a glass panel door thinking it was open and knocking myself out, type of freaking out. Told you, me-lo-dra-matic. It has been at the forefront of my mind ever since I birthed it, haunting me like a scorned dead woman. Me-lo-dr…

When I set this goal I was so convicted of it, however as time draws near, I don’t feel any closer to achieving it. You could say that I am placing unnecessary pressure on myself, true, yet I refuse to relent. I believe in it, I don’t know how it is going to happen, I have no real physical indication yet, no connections, no expertise, but I still choose to be committed to the vision.

As a child, whatever I thought of would happen exactly how I would imagine it, was this the same for you? What I wanted, I got, and I don’t mean it in a ‘I’m spoilt’ kind of way, more so in ‘it just happened’ way. I honestly, truly, sincerely, stand behind, in front and beside this next statement- whatever you believe, will be real to you. If you believe it long enough, it will begin to materialize in some form or fashion in your life!

We were born creators, it is our inherent legacy to be builders, imagineers, architects, designers, authors, scientists, archeologists, astronomers, artists, producers, without purpose we cease to adequately function.

Sooooooo, this was a long message to say this, that broken dream, mend it.

YOU have the ability to create whatever you think of or want for yourself, remember as a wo/man thinketh so is s/he, so think of something wonderful, something magical, something breathtaking, something life changing, something unapologetically you and make it happen!

XO

Ps I need your good vibes send it to me

…

I’m serious

info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk

Just live your life your way!

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Don’t you just love waking up on a Monday morning and realizing that it’s a bank holiday (for those of us in England), which for most people means no work today, woop woop!

I hope that whatever you do today brings you the most amount of joy and fun, life is too short so YOLO.

I think that’s one of my fears, that when I’m elderly ill regret not doing the things I wanted to do and appreciating all the wonderful things I had. To this effect I have made more of a conscious effort to do what I want and to give zero ***** about what anyone else has to say, and also to cultivate a mental attitude of not worrying. The good book says and paraphrase that worrying does not increase your years, why do it?

At the end of the day life is to be experienced, not just one way but in all ways and I think you owe it to yourself to see what’s out there. Will it be scary, nerve racking and frustrating? Most definitely! But it will also be worth it, you can quote me on that!

I really don’t want you to miss out, so I encourage you to go for it. Whatever it is, give it your best shot, your mere existence is a good enough reason to try.

You might be thinking but how? Ill tell you, be your own best friend. Okay okay that sounds corny but hear me out. If you were your best friend, what would you tell yourself? And be honest. I know what I tell myself and its that I am the sh*t and I can do whatever I set my mind to do, no one can stop me, even if I am told no. This always gives me the energy and encouragement I need to keep pressing forward no matter how dire life might be at the moment, and trust me I certainly have those moments.

So put aside all and every limiting belief and simply live, do the thing that first comes to your mind, explore, express yourself, do something that excites you, speak to that person that you’ve always wanted to do, make love (yeah I said it make love), just do it!

Right I’m off to continue cleaning before heading out again for the umpteenth time, today is my ‘Saturday’. I have been way too busy having fun and living life that well…it shows in my home ha!

XO

P.s My 18 year old brother just told me he wants to go to a carnival after party, ugh! If that’s not a sign that I’m getting on…Lord help me.

Woe is me

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Good Morning Beautiful People!

If you’re in London, please do your best to enjoy this weather because we all know how fleeting it is!

I was watching ‘The Good Wife’ and Alicia said and I paraphrase ‘we don’t have a problem, we have an opportunity’.

‘I don’t have a problem, I have an opportunity’, say it a few times. It makes you feel differently doesn’t it? It gives you back the power over your situation. You can either look at it as you’re damned, or that this is an opportunity to transform and elevate your life.

When you tune in to bullsh*t, the tendency is you’ll continue to create more of that. Woe is me soon transitions into woe becomes me.

It’s about how you set your internal GPS, if you key in negativity, well that’s the direction you’ll head in until you decide otherwise. If you don’t like the direction, then you have to stop, and reroute the internal GPS. Fixate your mind on a new belief/perspective and let it shape and guide you.

Today’s a good a day as any, to refocus, re-strategise and go full steam ahead towards the life of your dreams. It’s not impossible it’s quite the opposite, it’s VERY possible, your goals and aspirations are just as real as you are, if only you would begin to act like it.

I have to stress how important it is to keep your eye on the prize, look towards the end goal, let thoughts and feelings of achieving that ambition engulf you.

To help you stay on target, use pictures, write things down everywhere, repeat affirmations, surround yourself with like-minded people who can hold you accountable, change your environment, go to the places now that you think you can only go to when you ‘make’ it, watch things that cultivate the spirit of what you want to embody, read books, generally saturate your life with what you want and not with what you don’t want.

As I say over and over again, everything we see around us was once a mere thought but someone persisted, believed in themselves and in their goal and made it happen.

You can too!

XO

Complaining gets you results!

06 Monday Jun 2016

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I have a confession to make. For the past three weeks I have been a champion complainer. Almost every single morning, I have bitched and moaned about this ‘thing’. What is the ‘thing’? Working, but more specifically the commute to work.

After not having a job for 5 months by choice, going back to work (also by choice, well more so necessity) has tested my entire existence. There were days where I woke up and thought, this is the day, this is the day, I am going to run into oncoming traffic and end it all.

Okay okay, that was a bit dramatic, but it would be dishonest to pretend that everything is all rosy when you bliming well know it’s not.

My first thought was I am being punished, this HAS to be the reason why all these ill-fated scenarios keep occurring. Alright, maybe punish is the wrong word, teaching me lesson.

The lesson being, do what you’re supposed to do, when you’re supposed to do it, otherwise you’d end up doing what you don’t want to do-like me ggrrrr.

In a weird turn of events, it’s placed the fire back up my butt to get out there and do more to get to where I want to be, a catalyst even.

I write this to stress that as much as your life may not reflect what you want, it is up to YOU to transform things around. I can whinge until I am purple in the face, if I don’t adjust what I do, then that is where I will remain. I guess that is what pains me the most, because I know wherever I am in life, was and is to a large degree, my doing.

It boils down to this, if you don’t like something, change it, if you want something, go for it, if you believe in something, act like it.

I’ll never forget when I had written a long message to my virtual mentor about doing something I had been afraid to do and all she wrote back was just do it. I remember being incredibly irritated by the response yet it was fact. You just have to do it, change it, remove it, test it, try it, it’s all in the action baby! (Said in a strong NY accent, a British one would just sound weird).

XO

What have you done for me lately? 

26 Monday Oct 2015

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We always want more yet some of us have done so little with what we have. Ok let me speak for myself, I always want more, better even, but have I made great use of my current resources? Truth be told, no.
Each person has a unique set of skills, resources and ability. They may vary in degrees of expertise, or quality but they are nonetheless existent and purposeful. How purposeful? Well…that depends on you.

It’s Monday, so why not start with a fresh mind and a new direction? Write a list of all the things you have, be it a talent, skill, resource, material item, it could be anything and next to that item, state its use. The idea is to become more aware of what you have in your immediate possession. It will also help you to realise what you are not utilising well enough.

I’ll give you a few of mine that are on my list:

  1. Own vehicle (I value my independence greatly). I am able to move freely from place to place, at my own leisure, meaning I can make appointments, arrive to work on time(erm yeah), meet friends, travel up and down the country (I drove to Wales a couple months back), the list is endless.
  2. It allows me to develop my skills further, interact and build relationships with people that I may not encounter on a day to day basis. I makes moniessssssss, I mean I am paid for my services, which consequently affords me the standard of living that I have and the opportunity to develop myself further in other areas of life.
  1. Social media accounts (that I don’t use nearly as much as I should, ugh)-I can connect and reach people all over the world, I learn a lot about the issues that affect people nationally and internationally. I am also inspired and encouraged by the stories and lives of the people that I come across. People also get to see what I am about and my interests which is (currently) posing for the gram-just kidding!
  1. I am keen learner and can easily adapt to any environment. There’s little to nothing that I won’t make an attempt at doing, no matter how difficult, it’s always worth a try. It means that there’s a lot I am able to do.
  1. Healthy body (sort of, I need a six pack, help! I can’t stop stuffing my face) and a ‘sound’ mind.  I am able to function independently; I can get up and go. Whatever I set my mind to do, I can do. I have conditioned my mind to focus on the positive so I never stay down for long-thankfully (Once upon a time, I could be depressed for days/weeks/months on end).
  1. Ability to create, write, inspire, cultivate.
  1. Creative
  1. An analytical mind. I can piece things together quite quickly and find solutions.
  1. A good sense of style. Perception accounts for a lot

You may have a completely different set of ideals, and the above are just a few of mine. After writing down your list, intentionally decide on what you will use more, or maybe differently. Have it down as an action plan for the week, and let’s see what you come up with.

Till next time, have a great week!