Category Archives: Dreams

The Dreams Free, Hustle Sold Separately

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I love dreaming, day dreaming to be exact. I can set the place, time, event, who’s there and make it as big and as wonderful as I want it to be. The best part is that you can do it anywhere and at any time.

You may feel elevated after the quick or not so quick fantasising session and then you’re reminded of the reality of your surroundings as it doesn’t quite match up to what you have envisioned.

Making that dream a reality requires an entirely different set of skills and irrespective of how easy someone makes it look, the truth is, it’s not. Blood, sweat and tears are a few things that go into bringing forth the things of your dreams. It inevitably will demand that you make sacrifices and some of them quite painful in order to attain what you desire.

Be under no illusion that things just work like magic because they often don’t. Let’s take a wonderful, healthy and flourishing relationship. You have two people from different backgrounds, upbringings, perspectives, behaviours and so on, coming together to build and nurture a relationship, does that sound like something that would just ‘work’? Absolutely not! There’s bound to be clashes, disagreements, tension, working together, laying aside your pride, apologising, compromising, selflessness, consideration, affection, effort, the list is endless of the things you will have to do to make your relationship wonderful, healthy and flourish. It’s no easy task and certainly will not feel magical; it’s work and lots of it.

So, as you go into this week, think about what it is you want and what you are prepared to give and also release to make it happen. Once you have a clearer picture, write down three things you will do to transmute your dream into your reality in the next week. And no, it won’t happen overnight, but over time you will start to see the evidence of your good work.

Dream big, but work even harder.

Xo

New Week: Press Reset

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Who taught you to stop believing?

Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me off to the head doctor.

I spent so much of my childhood especially being the only child for almost 10 years (and at that point you’re still an only child because of the age gap), living in my imagination. I would conjure up stories, desires and situations which made my young life that much richer. Life, however, has other plans and slowly all the negative things get the better of us and we soon forget how to manifest and live more.  But I want to get back there, living as a child does, with no doubts, little fear and great ambition.

I asked myself this question, ‘how do we not become bogged down with the negative things that have happened, to cause us to believe less?’ The answer I received is this, learn and let go.

Think about it, a lot of children when they hurt themselves or don’t succeed at doing something, they get right back up and do it again. A child learning to walk after falling down a few times doesn’t suddenly say ‘yeah this walking stuff isn’t for me’, they carry on trying until they get it. The recollection of how badly it went wrong the first time is but a distance memory to them; they learn and they move on.

steps

One of the ways we can implement this ability is by following this principle by the good book, where it says but transformed by the renewing of your mind. One interpretation of this that you have to constantly, daily even, press reset.

With this in mind, I have decided to push myself beyond my self-inflicted limitations and I would love for you to join me.

Pick one thing that you have found to be a challenge to accomplish. It could be going to the gym 4 times a week, finishing off a proposal, having that business meeting, registering your company, making that dreaded phone call to a family member that you have not spoken to in years, buying a house, it could be absolutely anything. Decide that by the end of the week (19.11.17), you would have either done it or are one step closer to doing it. The one step does have has to be a huge step (no pressure 🙂 ).

My challenge has dragged on for many years, but I am determined to pull my finger out! I’ll definitely share mine next Monday, eek!

In the water

I’ll leave with this which I wholly believe in, it is always better to have tried something than to not have tried at all. You learn so much quicker when you do than when you don’t.

See you on the flipside!

Xo

Protect Your Dreams

28 Friday Jul 2017

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Listen up: Be mindful of whom you share your dreams and goals with.

I get it.

When we have some exciting news about our lives we want to share it with the people close to us or even not so close to us.

My advice? Don’t. I cannot recall how many times I have spoken about something repeatedly that later on did not materialise. Granted, there are a host of reasons why that may be, but in my experience its best to keep goals and aspirations close to your chest.

Besides that, in telling the wrong people you may face ridicule, be made to feel crazy and encounter negativity concerning the vision that is quite specific to you. Your vision is not for everyone to get, it’s for you alone so don’t be disheartened when people don’t “get it”, they’re not supposed to.

You might even find yourself feeling the urge to explain and justify your dreams to them- Don’t you dare.  Leave it alone. If they cannot support you in the right way which includes being constructive (not destructive), then leave it well alone and continue to nurture your goals in silence.

If you are to share it, be sure to do so with the right kind of people. Those that are accomplished, those that will push you and hold you accountable, those that will lift you up when you feel down, those that can steer you in the right direction, those that can be a part of the solution and not the problem…you get my point.

Now does this apply to every single thing in your life? No, but use sense and wisdom…

and protect your shit.

Xo

P.s This is not to be confused with ‘Speaking things into existence’. Ill be back to talk on this soon.

Don’t Sleep on Yourself

21 Friday Jul 2017

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I was looking through Instagram as you do and I came across the fabulous shoe designer Monika Chaing. After browsing through a few of her pictures, I was transported back to 2010 when I had aspirations of creating a shoe line that would represent all the different sides of me-I love shoes!

That same year I was at a club with Jon B (yes the Jon B) and he commented on how he loved my shoes and that his wife would love them too.  A tiny piece of me died inside, talk about missed opportunity. The shoes I was wearing at the time were not my own design, there were a pair of Kurt Geiger shoes, but just imagine if they were? Ugh.

Thing is I had been working on the shoe line but was yet to have a product in my hand. I thought to myself if only I had a little bit more time I could have passed on my details and the rest would have been history.

Needless to say that over time I became weary and stopped trying.

Looking through Monika Chaing’s feed reminded me of that and all the other ideas (there have been many) that I had started, made progress on and then shortly gave up on. Where would they have been now if I persisted? What could I have created within the last 10 years if I had stuck through all the obstacles that I would have faced? I don’t even want to think about it, but I do know there’s a high chance I wouldn’t be sitting behind my work desk typing this.

What I hadn’t realised at the time was that dreams do not manifest overnight. They are like babies, they have to be nurtured and attended to constantly. Did you hear me? Constantly!

Now I’m not about to be all self-deprecating after all I have blogged for 3 years and that for me is an accomplishment!

Do something now that your future self will thank you for. It could be in any area of your life, great or small. Start and persist with it and remember Rome was not built in a day.

You owe it to yourself to live out your dreams to the fullest.

Xo

Career hopping: The Ineffective Route to Success

08 Wednesday Mar 2017

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Without a vision, people perish.

I am about to be really judgy (in my world, all made up words are real, mmkay!), and I can do so because I was once (sometimes still) one of the regular culprits for this kind of behaviour: Indecisive.

If there was a list of offenders, I’d be the top 5:

  1. Irene
  2. Irene
  3. Irene
  4. Irene
  5. Irene

You get the point…I am talking to myself as much as I am you.

I truly love when people want to do well in life, I want everyone to win, even people I consider dusty lol, however, it frustrates me to no end when people change their ideas, businesses and goals on a regular basis. Like I’m going to need you to stick to one thing for AT LEAST a year or *summink!

I find that when people change their plans often and quickly, at the root of it, is a lack of vision, clarity or passion.

If it doesn’t work in the first instance, the most common action that I see some people take is to throw it all away, which is easily done when you are not convicted of your why or have a good understanding of how things work.

We build up great expectations about how things should be and feel like and once that doesn’t match our ideals then it must not be working or right for us. Abandoning your goals for those reasons can in many cases limit your ability to see the opportunity right in front of you.

The opportunity for growth is always present but if you’re hung up on what it is supposed to look like and believe that progress should just smack you right in the face, then you my friend will be gravely disappointed.

You see other people thriving in their careers and it appears to you like it happened overnight and that simply is not the case. Even if there are some people that ‘fall’ into a career and you consider them successful, there is a lot of work that goes into maintaining it, a lot.

What I really want to stress is that you cannot continue to flit about from one career to another, one business to another, one partner to another and expect to be successful, in fact it may be the very reason you are not. You have to focus your energy on one thing first, not one hundred things at once. Work on the opportunity that you have in your hand and stop looking at someone else’s grass believing it is greener. Yours could be just as green if you refrain from being a scatter brain (cheeky, I know) and channel your efforts into making the thing you want a success.

You need to be consistent, patient and focused on the outcome, not on how the outcome comes about or how long it’s taking, just scrap the ‘hows’ altogether. Zone in on your why and it’ll keep you going.

Now granted you may very well do that and it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, all hell does not have to break loose! What you can do in that situation is to take the learning experience and apply it in another area of your life.

There will be times that the thing you want doesn’t want you right now and to combat that, you must look at what is working, and ride it until the wheels fall off. Another opportunity with time, will present itself.

JF

Jamie Foxx is a perfect example of this. His first passion was music, but at the start of his career music didn’t want him, comedy and acting did. He worked that circuit for a few years before he released his second album which did considerably better than his first. By this point he was well recognised and respected in the entertainment business. It was much easier for people to be more receptive to his music-He wins! (Let’s gloss over his ‘15 National Anthem performance *side eye* thanks).

MA

Mahershala Ali has been acting for 16 years and my very first exposure to him was only last year in the Netflix series Luke Cage and now he’s everywhere!-And the first Muslim to win an Oscar 🙂

Nothing worth having will be easy. It will have twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows, it is part and parcel of living.

Work on your craft and if the craft isn’t working, work on something that is working. You can quote me on this, it will happen for you, eventually.

Xo

P.s *Summink South East London colloquialism for Something.

29 and Unmarried

27 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Dreams, Experiences, Late night, Life, More Action, relationships, Thoughts in motion, Uncategorized

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I can’t even begin to tell you what its like to be a woman of African descent born and raised in the United Kingdom.

Trust me when I say there are many realms to navigate through, AND to do it successfully? Its hard, hard af.

In my culture if you’re not married at 29, you’re already past your sell-by date. Yes it IS the be all and end all. It’s something almost all mothers irrespective of backgrounds are worried about.

It’s heralded as an unspoken and if you’re Nigerian very spoken of rite of passage for a lot of women. I remember shortly after graduating, the questions began to come in thick and fast about when I will get married, as if I am supposed to pluck a good suitor from a tree, wrap him up and present him to the family. As the first born in my family and one of the eldest in my extended family, in Tupac’s words “All eyes on me”. I had to ban my family at one point from asking me such questions and I won’t even begin to touch on the children, biological clock, and your eggs will be dust talk…That’s too much to discuss in one day.

If its not my family, its my friends and their families. Sometimes they say it and at other times I just feel it, the general consensus is “Irene, you are the problem, stop being so picky etc”. At some point, not sure when exactly, I started to believe them and it cost me! I mean if ‘everyone’ is thinking it and often times saying it, they must be right, right? I MUST be the problem, right? I didn’t want to be the black sheep and the one who wouldn’t get in line, so I ignored all the alarm bells and stood in the shit for a little too long. I entertained pursuits that I knew from the get-go were not right. Fortunately for me, I came out bruised and not broken.

Do not and by that I mean NEVER go against what you feel in your gut.

In addition to desperately trying to make something work, I spent a few months last year looking at every woman’s finger and then harshly judging her because the conditioning I had had since I was a child began to engulf me and swallow me whole, like Jonah. The thoughts swirling around my head were what’s wrong me? Why does she get to be married? Why wasn’t this a part of my life? Nobody wants me?! (Proceeds to cry in the corner).

The pressure to be married or find your soul mate is everywhere and unavoidable. It’s on TV, its on social media, it’s on YouTube, it’s on the tube, anywhere you can think of it, it’s there, haunting you.

There is an implicit notion that you are broken if you are not in relationship, engaged or married. Having a ring on your finger infers that you are wanted, loved and that someone saw value in you enough to make you a Mrs. This train of thought is detrimental, soul destroying and on every level, just wrong.

You are not broken, nor unloved or unwanted. The ideals established by our families, our cultures and society are often times unrealistic and can lead to an unhealthy state of being.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that I have been delivert*,I have finally made peace with all those demands and expectations that I and others had for my life. I have opted to be nobodies bitch least of all this society’s.

I have become very clear on what a good suitor looks like and my previous experiences were not it and I’ll be damned if I get to the altar and Mr Big chooses not to show up, someone will die, sorry I mean…nah, someone will die!

There is a whole lot more to life than being married or in a relationship. Life doesn’t stop there as my many married friends will tell me, it’s also not an easy feat. While it may not be in your very immediate future, do not sit there moping and become a glutton, get busy. Get busy in discovering more about yourself and living your best life yet while it is still on your own terms, because when you do eventually settle down, you can kiss goodbye to that lol.

Really spend time investing in yourself and your goals. Focus on the things that make you happy outside of anyone and do that, explore, learn a language, travel a lot, buy a home, do a placement abroad, write a book, go back to university to study (actually don’t, tbc), try new things, become a yoga instructor, take a series of cooking classes, make money, join a circus, start painting, get into photography, start a business, take a twerking class (hey, your mate will thank you later),spend time with your non annoying family members and friends, become so busy with living a wonderful life that you do not have time to feel sorry for yourself or look at other peoples lives as being seemingly better than yours. Your life can be amazing on your own, you do not need a mate to have a fulfilling life.

Now, I am not advocating that you completely shun your desire to have a mate, simply that you do not make it your everything. When people are desperate, desperate ideas and decisions become them. When people are happy, well you know how that goes.

I’m off to the gym now at 00:40, okay i’m lying, I was going to though, ha! Tomorrow, I promise.

Goodnight Xo

Ps Delivert- The act of being over delivered from something. Past past tense lol.

Hey, Listen Up!

07 Tuesday Feb 2017

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Hi Guys,

My real name is Irene and erm I have a tendency to saunter off when life gets manic but I’m working on it and I hope you can stick with me.

Pretty please…?

Thank you!

Xoxo

Okay, we’ve established that I’m guilty of going away and my excuse is I have been traveling, I visited Paris ooh la la. I don’t mean to sound like I am full of excuses because I am not. Well, not really, they are more like reasons, yes reasons, reasons sound better.

Anyway, I hope you have been doing fabulously! Let’s talk.

I was saying to someone yesterday, that it is so much easier to believe in someone else’s hype than your own. Why is that? :s
Take me for example, I personally believe everyone can fly if they want to, but to fill out an application form for myself sometimes is like Mount Kilimanjaro -_- .Not because I cannot do it, but if truth be told because I am not sure I’ll get it and dealing with rejection is a mother******.  The kicker is how am I supposed to get it, if I do not do the work that is required? However, ask me to jump off a ledge and I’d sooner do that than apply for a role. It is a strange conundrum I know but we’re going to mend it!

I can talk your ear off about affirmations, positivity, and all that stuff but, something has to change and the catalyst for that is action.

Let’s be about it, I am all about making leaps and bounds this year and shaking off those gremlins that have been gnawing at my/our brain ( gross I know) and preventing us from living the life we have always wanted to.  I am therefore challenging you to a duel with me, not really a duel, but to intentionally do the things that scare you shitless. I mean that thing that merely thinking about it, gives you the shits. Don’t front, we have all experienced that intense nervousness. That nervousness which you experience may be an indication of something that you really, really, really need to do.

How else are you going to make your dreams a reality, if you don’t switch up your regular, mundane, dry chapped lipped routine?  You must inject some life, some oomph, some je ne sais quoi into it!

Stop playing small and cowering away, step outside your comfort zone.

Oh and because I am not fear’s b*tch (lol I am on one today), I am sending part of my manuscript to two publishers this week, whoa!

You gon’ learn ta day!

XO

P.s Irene has been abducted and the above post was written by a clone named Irina. We do apologise if this post caused offence, sike!

2016: Final Thoughts

31 Saturday Dec 2016

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What a crazy and challenging year!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the New Year ahead. I am sooooooooo ready for it for many reasons.

I have learnt an incredible amount and there’s nothing like good ol’ trial and tribulations to grow you ‘real quick’.

I pushed myself and was pushed, I loved, I lost, I succeeded and failed miserably, I strengthened relationships and some I severed. All in all, these are the things that enrich my life for the better.

My top 5 takeaways are:

  1. Everything has a season. A time to sow and a time to reap. It will happen for you, be patient.
  2. BE patient
  3. Trust your intuition
  4. It will not work if you don’t
  5. Don’t force it. Pay to attention to what you really should be paying attention to and give that your energy.

I have to emphasise this, 2017 can only be better if you are. Do whatever you can that’s within your power to live your best life yet.

Be mindful of what you think, use caution when you speak, and act as often as you can.

I wish you a fantastic New Year and a MIND BLOWING 2017!!!

Much love

Irene Xo

P.s Some pics below from my recent birthday…I jumped out of a plane!  I’ll talk about my birthday another time, what an experience!

 

 

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Are you willing?

28 Wednesday Sep 2016

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To pay the price that is.

Ask anyone what they want and 8/10 times they’ll have to think about it for a few minutes. Ask them what they don’t want and they’ll begin to list it off at lightning speed, myself included. When they do eventually tell you what they want and you follow up with this next question, “What are you doing to make that happen?” they start to foam at the mouth because they haven’t done anything. How can we want something when we have done nothing to help the situation? Where and on what planet does that make sense? It doesn’t.

It’s definitely time to realign yourself, and fast. Get with the real program of your life, not this fake one you have concocted. I say concocted because you’re living with two different parallels, the one you want but won’t work for because you’re afraid and the one you don’t want but work for every day, that my friend is a concoction for disaster.

I must confess, I’m quite the dreamer or maybe it’s that I’m spoilt? I can talk a pretty good game but my execution isn’t always as tight. I want things to happen the way I imagined, and not the way it’s usually been set out before me. In short, I want the easy way out, always, the easy way out-Who doesn’t? But life, easy? Nope. The gag is, the easy way out is usually more costly than the hard route.

You ever buy a cheap item thinking you’re saving, but it breaks down 2 seconds after using it, and you end up buying the expensive one and now that’s even more money than you anticipated spending because you were trying cut costs, cheap ass- Just kidding! Gets me every time.

I was thinking about this task that I set myself to own a property and I had a lightbulb moment. I realised the solution has been right under my nose this whole entire time and then I started to think about all the things I would have to do to maintain it. It.Suddenly.Felt.Overwhelming Ugh.

Actually, actually on second thought, maybe I don’t want it, in fact I know I don’t want it, whose idea was this anyway?…Sound familiar?

We do it all the time, whenever we begin to broach uncharted waters and the boat begins to rock, rather than ride it out, we want a life boat to come along and save us.

How long are you going to do that for? Times a ticking and in my case I’m sure I’ll blink and suddenly be 60 years old wondering where all the time has gone.

Think of it this way, if every time shit got scary or tough, you screamed for a life boat, will you ever attain that goal? Like ever? Doubt it. I mean I don’t mean to doubt you per se, butttt ummm the proof is in the pudding.

Getting what you want in life WILL require sacrifice and not necessarily the roasting of a pig on a stick, with fire burning beneath it, sort of sacrifice, but close.

Nothing worth having comes easy, and if it comes easy, well easy come, easy go.

So I ask you again, are you willing? Stop playing small for fear of failing, stop it.

In order to have what you want, you have to go out on a limb (I have only just understood what that phrase really means) and just jump. We’re pretty amazing at anything and when push comes to shove we find ways to rise to the occasion. This or that would be no different.

Think more of what you truly want and less of what you don’t want and make plans towards making it happen!

XO

PS And erm yeah if this owning a property business doesn’t work out, can someone put me up for a few weeks, months, a year maybe? Thanks in advance.

PPS Oo ooo oo I just saw this quote on the gram, “Worrying is a misuse of your imagination”. Let that marinate.

Broken Dreams: The dreaded 30’s

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

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Do I have any 80’s babies that are anxious about turning 30? Please say I!

30 is the new 20 right? Rightttt?? I need reaffirmation here ugh.

Whenever I think about not achieving certain aspirations, I start to panic and have mini drama episodes. I know I know, melodramatic, but it’s just how I feel.

I set myself a goal when I was 22, that by the time I turn 30 I would have­­____________ fill in the blank. Well 30 is looming over my head like a dark grey cloud, and by the end of next year I would have reached that mark. So yes, I am freaking out, majorly, just picture me running around in circles frantically in an empty room, and then running towards a glass panel door thinking it was open and knocking myself out, type of freaking out. Told you, me-lo-dra-matic. It has been at the forefront of my mind ever since I birthed it, haunting me like a scorned dead woman. Me-lo-dr…

When I set this goal I was so convicted of it, however as time draws near, I don’t feel any closer to achieving it. You could say that I am placing unnecessary pressure on myself, true, yet I refuse to relent. I believe in it, I don’t know how it is going to happen, I have no real physical indication yet, no connections, no expertise, but I still choose to be committed to the vision.

As a child, whatever I thought of would happen exactly how I would imagine it, was this the same for you? What I wanted, I got, and I don’t mean it in a ‘I’m spoilt’ kind of way, more so in ‘it just happened’ way. I honestly, truly, sincerely, stand behind, in front and beside this next statement- whatever you believe, will be real to you. If you believe it long enough, it will begin to materialize in some form or fashion in your life!

We were born creators, it is our inherent legacy to be builders, imagineers, architects, designers, authors, scientists, archeologists, astronomers, artists, producers, without purpose we cease to adequately function.

Sooooooo, this was a long message to say this, that broken dream, mend it.

YOU have the ability to create whatever you think of or want for yourself, remember as a wo/man thinketh so is s/he, so think of something wonderful, something magical, something breathtaking, something life changing, something unapologetically you and make it happen!

XO

Ps I need your good vibes send it to me

…

I’m serious

info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk