Category Archives: Less Talk

Rejection or Re-direction? A Blessing in Disguise

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I hope you have missed me? If not, the rest of this post will be blank…try me. Just kidding 😀

Last week Friday I received not so good news. The long and short is I’ll be out of a job soon, as my contract is coming to an end. Womp womp womp.

It’s typical for this to happen just as I have FINALLY warmed up to the idea of being a nine to fiver (for a period of time) and building on a both the vocation and my aspirations simultaneously. But nope I’ll be out on my ass lol.

Thing is I am used to being in and out of work, it’s the life of a work-in-progress entrepreneur. I have lived this way my entire working life but this time around I felt a great sense of disappointment and disqualification. I began to second-guess my purpose and myself.

In instances like these, our outlook can sometimes magnify the negatives and all the problems we have ever had suddenly come into full focus.

After feeling sorry for myself for like a day, I dusted myself off and began to think about the upside. What if this is a prelude to something greater, something that I have always wanted, an even better opportunity?

You have to consider what is this “missed” opportunity saving me from or even leading me onto?

“Every time I thought I was being

rejected from something good

I was actually being redirected to something

better.”- Steve Maraboli

I remember one specific moment as a child where I was super excited to go to a birthday party. My aunty was coming to pick me up and as you know one minute to a child is like an hour. It turned out that my aunty couldn’t make it anymore, I was devastated, well as devastated as an 11 year old could be. My mother said to me “Irene, every disappointment is a blessing in disguise”. What the hell does that even mean to an 11 year old?! But she was right. I ended up having a great time going somewhere else.

The example may sound trivial but it taught me a life long lesson.

Be down just for a moment, then pick yourself up and think what is it I should be paying attention to? What is the great thing that can come from this disappointment? How can I turn this around for my good?

There is always something to be gained in every situation. Don’t think: “What if I fall?” (think) Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”

XO

Career hopping: The Ineffective Route to Success

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Without a vision, people perish.

I am about to be really judgy (in my world, all made up words are real, mmkay!), and I can do so because I was once (sometimes still) one of the regular culprits for this kind of behaviour: Indecisive.

If there was a list of offenders, I’d be the top 5:

  1. Irene
  2. Irene
  3. Irene
  4. Irene
  5. Irene

You get the point…I am talking to myself as much as I am you.

I truly love when people want to do well in life, I want everyone to win, even people I consider dusty lol, however, it frustrates me to no end when people change their ideas, businesses and goals on a regular basis. Like I’m going to need you to stick to one thing for AT LEAST a year or *summink!

I find that when people change their plans often and quickly, at the root of it, is a lack of vision, clarity or passion.

If it doesn’t work in the first instance, the most common action that I see some people take is to throw it all away, which is easily done when you are not convicted of your why or have a good understanding of how things work.

We build up great expectations about how things should be and feel like and once that doesn’t match our ideals then it must not be working or right for us. Abandoning your goals for those reasons can in many cases limit your ability to see the opportunity right in front of you.

The opportunity for growth is always present but if you’re hung up on what it is supposed to look like and believe that progress should just smack you right in the face, then you my friend will be gravely disappointed.

You see other people thriving in their careers and it appears to you like it happened overnight and that simply is not the case. Even if there are some people that ‘fall’ into a career and you consider them successful, there is a lot of work that goes into maintaining it, a lot.

What I really want to stress is that you cannot continue to flit about from one career to another, one business to another, one partner to another and expect to be successful, in fact it may be the very reason you are not. You have to focus your energy on one thing first, not one hundred things at once. Work on the opportunity that you have in your hand and stop looking at someone else’s grass believing it is greener. Yours could be just as green if you refrain from being a scatter brain (cheeky, I know) and channel your efforts into making the thing you want a success.

You need to be consistent, patient and focused on the outcome, not on how the outcome comes about or how long it’s taking, just scrap the ‘hows’ altogether. Zone in on your why and it’ll keep you going.

Now granted you may very well do that and it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, all hell does not have to break loose! What you can do in that situation is to take the learning experience and apply it in another area of your life.

There will be times that the thing you want doesn’t want you right now and to combat that, you must look at what is working, and ride it until the wheels fall off. Another opportunity with time, will present itself.

JF

Jamie Foxx is a perfect example of this. His first passion was music, but at the start of his career music didn’t want him, comedy and acting did. He worked that circuit for a few years before he released his second album which did considerably better than his first. By this point he was well recognised and respected in the entertainment business. It was much easier for people to be more receptive to his music-He wins! (Let’s gloss over his ‘15 National Anthem performance *side eye* thanks).

MA

Mahershala Ali has been acting for 16 years and my very first exposure to him was only last year in the Netflix series Luke Cage and now he’s everywhere!-And the first Muslim to win an Oscar 🙂

Nothing worth having will be easy. It will have twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows, it is part and parcel of living.

Work on your craft and if the craft isn’t working, work on something that is working. You can quote me on this, it will happen for you, eventually.

Xo

P.s *Summink South East London colloquialism for Something.

A Perfect Lie

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We have got it so so wrong.

I love it when I have an epiphany that I know will revoluntionise the way I think and operate. We have been sold this illusion that we are supposed to have ALL our shit together and that if we don’t, we are failures. That is a bona fide lie!

No matter who they are in this life, whether it’s your parents, friends or someone famous, everyone has a thing or two that isn’t quite ‘right’ in their lives. Should this make them less of a person? Absolutely not!

For the longest while, I have wrestled with needing to be perfect and to be perceived as being in complete control, to the point that when things did/do go left, I would hide and isolate myself because I didn’t want my ‘failures’ to be seen. This thinking alone can be a contributor to depression; I know it was for me in 2012.

You look at the media and idealism is being plastered everywhere. You look to your friends and family and they may also be cocooning their struggles which results in you feeling like you are all alone and that you are the only one that can’t get it right-WRONG!

The truth is we’re all figuring things out, even those we deem most successful. Consider yourself amongst good company if you find yourself in a financial bind, so was Simon Cowell. Maybe it’s that you suffered abuse, so did Oprah, or you were fired from your job, so was Steve Jobs. You don’t have to look far to find that even those closest to you have had some really tough breaks. Will you respect them any less because of it? I doubt it. In spite of it all, they thrived. Don’t beat yourself up that your life isn’t yet what you want it to be, or feel bad that the choices you made didn’t quite pan out, instead let those experiences further shape you, because at the end of the day,

Stuff happens

Nobody is perfect

So what you fucked messed up?!

So what it’s fucked messed up?!

You are not less than

You are human

…like the rest of us

Xo

P.s I hope you really heard what I said today, nobody is meant to be perfect, find peace in that. Perfect is boring anyway.

 

A Dry Spell

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I bought these flowers last week and a day or two after getting them, I started to think ‘erm, are they broken?’ (I’m impatient remember and currently in rehab).

None of them were opening up, but I left them anyway. Slowly, one by one they began to bloom.

It reminded me that there is a process to everything and how crucial it is to be patient, lest (I feel so fancy using ‘lest’) you miss your time to shine.

Do not prematurely abandon your ship, in hopes of ‘making’ it on someone else’s or resorting to ‘it just isn’t for me’ quips. Without you, it will not reach its destination and neither will you. If you believe in it, deep down in your marrow, then continue to nurture it, no matter what anyone has to say.

Give it time, let your intuition guide you, and exercise patience- a lot of it.

Xo

P.s Patience is quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

 

Sleepless nights

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Burning the midnight oil.

Where are my weirdos at? My tribe, the ones who suffer from self-inflicted insomnia, caused by an overactive mind to do more, be more, live more, everything more!

The struggle is all too familiar to me. You know you should be sleeping as you have a 9-5 to get to, but for whatever reason you can’t and when you do actually fall asleep, its time to get up, ugh.

I was pondering today on thinking, and how it can often times be an achilles heel, Anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past, and although you can think your way into a new way of life, it is impossible to do so without taking action.

I attend weekly counselling sessions, yup you heard right, weekly counselling. Before I continue, I have to say this, counselling is for EVERYONE! No matter who, what, where you are, you can benefit from having a place where you can offload without judgement.

Anyway, so like I said earlier I have counselling because I’m ill, I kid, for various reasons, and at one point during these “meetings” (thats what I like to call them), I discovered that I spent a lot of time thinking about all the things I had to do constantly, and consequently feeling overwhelmed to point of not actually doing anything whatsoever! Nada, Zilch, Nothing.

Is that not sheer madness? You over stress, over imagine and over think something to death that you have no more energy.

Here’s my tried and tested advice: Think a little, Do a lot.

Good things come to those who do. Work with what you have and DO the best you can.

If you have debts, speak to a financial adviser, there are plenty of charities that offer free advise with debt management. You don’t have to feel alone. If its an ill family member or friend, spend your efforts making it the best time you’ve ever had together. My late Grandmother lived in a different country and whenever she called or was speaking to my mum on the phone, no matter what I was doing, I made sure I spoke to her and honestly it helped when she passed, because I knew I did not take her for granted- Every moment counted. If it is a career issue, seek out someone who you deem to be successful and ask them what they did and learn from them. The internet is also your friend, there is so much useful information, use it to your advantage.

Whatever keeps you up at night, there is a solution to it. Spend less time thinking about it, and more time doing something about it.

All hope is not lost. You are. For now. But not for long.

Keep going, keep trying and…Goodnight.

Xo

 

 

 

The Green Eyed Monster

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If you say you have never been jealous, compared yourself or felt the simmering rage of the green-eyed monster, you’re a liar. Yup I said it, you’re a liar, that’s like saying you don’t fart (I don’t by the way, go on, ask my family or friends), news flash everyone does, except me of course.

I find it strange when people act like they have never felt the pang of jealousy before, it’s weird. Most people feign denial because they’re too ashamed to admit that they feel some type of way. I personally think it’s as normal as any other “acceptable” emotion. Just admit it, you have felt it before! It doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply means you’re human like the rest of us.

What I irrefutably do not agree with however, is acting out based on those misplaced feelings, ever. It is not cute at all.

I have encountered friends in the past, who because of their own built up image of me, secretly resented me for what they thought I had ha! .They acted out in all manners, spiteful, vindictive, tried to ostracize me, you name it, they did it.

How did I react towards their behaviour? I didn’t. Partially because I don’t believe in acting a fool, but mainly as it is not in my nature to behave in that way, it just doesn’t produce good karma. What I do have, is this other quality that works fabulously for me, its called ignoring the hell out of them. After a long period of their own personal soul searching (roll my eyes) I have received apologies, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Still saying you’ve never been covetous? Okay lets agree that at the very least, you have looked at another’s persons blessing and been happy for them, and then suddenly felt the huge gaping void that you are yet to experience such joy. I’m going to be honest I might not fart but I definitely have felt all the emotions of the above one hundred times over.

Thankfully, I am wise enough to know that the person or thing of focus is NOT the problem, I am and that’s where extra work has to be put in. Not on sabotaging the next person or spreading fallacious lies or defaming their character or wishing them ill, me, I am the work in progress.

In my case, having been the only child for a while and being born into a Nigerian family, it’s inherent that comparisons will be made between you and other people -Facts only. I guess they do it as a means of attempting to incite motivation to do and be better, but it irrevocably has the opposite effect. You instead clothed yourself with an inferiority cloak that if you’re not mindful of, will rule your life.

From childhood into adulthood, I have consistently compared myself to others and not in a ‘I think I’m better than everybody’ way but more so in a ‘Why can’t I do better? What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t it happening for me in the way that I want it to?’ And so on.

The work in progress looks like this for me:

Constantly reaffirming to myself that what is for me is for me, continuing to focus on me and all the great things I have going on, to increase the efforts I make towards my visions, to believe that it will happen, and that it’s all about timing, it’s not a matter of if, its when.

 

Enjoy the process of creating, one day you’ll miss it, one day you’ll look back and laugh, one day you’ll see that you were right to keep on going, one day it’ll all make sense. Piece by piece, the jigsaw puzzle will come together and you’ll be thankful for all the life lessons and training you received.

Tips for getting rid of the gremlin on your shoulder

Step 1

Take inventory of all your achievements, blessings, and things you are grateful for, both big and small. Recall that once upon a time, the things you have now were once an aspiration.

Step 2

Believe in your own hype. It’s okay to toot your own horn, beep beep!

Step 3

Keep your eye on the prize. Have your goals and visions in plain sight. Whether it is in writing or through pictures, make sure you’re keeping the dream alive religiously.

Step 4

Do something for yourself everyday. Sounds a bit narcissistic but its necessary. It’s absolutely important to invest in your health and well-being. It could be reading a book, going for a walk, watching your favourite show, seeing a family member, whatever it is, make sure it is good for you.

Step 5

Repeat step 1-4 over and over and over again.

Hope this has been helpful.

XO

P.s I  can’t be the only one that loves the Bitmoji’s on Snapchat?

The One…

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Ha! You thought I was going to write about that special person? Nuh uh, not today. Although I am going to speak about being “the one”, the one who can make a difference.

We severely underestimate the effect we can have in our environment, in our lives, on the people around us, to a situation, to a task, in our families, with our friends, to anything, and as a consequence we act accordingly and do nothing instead.

No sense in trying if you believe that your input will not make a difference right? WRONG! Every little thing is quantifiable and in a great way too.

We think of it as being someone else’s gift or power, and that we are somehow void of any kind of talent or gifts. You look at all the other people who achieved things and deem them as being “special” or the “chosen one”, what a load of nonsense!

EVERYONE has something to offer, you just need to understand that what you have will not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t mean you’re less valuable or necessary.

I sometimes get caught up in thinking that I am not enough that I need more. More resources, more connections, more friends, more money, more experience, a bigger audience, someone to believe in me, a team…Yes, the list is endless.

I have to stop and remind myself that I am well equipped to do it, whatever it is. I have to believe that what I need, will find me along the way. The most crucial element however, is that I begin and that I begin now!

Mo Farrah, Adele, Simone Manuel, Bill Gates, Usain Bolt, Elon Musk, Oprah, Serena Williams, Naomi Campbell, Jamal Edwards, Yeonmi Park, Richard Branson, Jack Ma are a handful of people that I am certain have been told numerous times that they won’t amount to much, that they have nothing to offer, that their background determines who they can be and so on, yet I know every single one of them because of their gifts and their story.

They chose to press forward notwithstanding the negativity and the obstacles and because of that, we have the pleasure of learning from them, being inspired by them or using their services and products, so don’t you dare think for one second that you are not capable!

Nothing will come to you if you sit in your house mopping or continuing on with mundanity of life, you have to switch it up and try something new. Opportunity or a chance to stimulate change will not come knocking on your door. You have to get out there and do something. Your action jump-starts a series of chain reactions of hopefully better things to come.

Believe in yourself, nothing is too small or too big, every little helps.

All it takes is one person and why can’t it be you?

Re-invent yourself. You’re boring!

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Snapchat inspired this post. I am an avid user and think the concept is great!

A few weeks ago snapchat included bitmoji’s, which my friend and I absolutely love and it got me thinking. Snapchat is constantly evolving and that’s the very reason why people enjoy it so much. There’s always something new to play around with. 

There is only so long you can continue to do the same thing without changing yet still expecting to be effective. What once worked now doesn’t and you therefore have to improve yourself and or your business in order to remain powerful, relevant and influential. To do that you must reinvent yourself, like Hov says “allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is…”

Let’s look at this Pokémon Go craze that took over the world a couple of weeks back, people were losing their minds over this game. Everywhere you looked there was someone on it, men and women in a zombie like trance, looking for a Pokémon. Here’s the thing with this kind of fad, it is short lived, the creators must now find a way to make it more interesting and continue to captivate its users as I am sure it will. 

Snapchat has a different kind of fan base, their rise to popularity has been slow and steady. They have our attention now and to keep it, they make it their business to keep it fresh.

Come to think of it, I’m sure in some way Snapchat is going to give me an inferiority complex because some those filters make me look way too good ha! I still love it.

I have thought many times about how and why Beyoncé is still relevant decades later. Achieving this kind of success is not easy, she has to constantly stay ahead, use the element of surprise and raise the bar.

People get bored of seeing the same thing, you have to show what else you have to offer, in what other way can people relate to you? What makes you different from Lucy or Liam? Why should I pay attention you?

It’s time to get creative! Brainstorm on the things that you like to see and what grabs your attention. Consider how you can implement these new ideas into whatever it is you do. There is absolutely nothing that cannot be achieved with persistency, desire and determination.

Think of it this way, recall a time where you really wanted something that wasn’t easily attainable but you pursued it anyway and got it, remember? You can duplicate that success again if only you would apply yourself. 

Just another thing to add, STAY in your lane, don’t jump onto the next thing because it is currently ‘popping’, quick fads are exactly that, quick fads. Stick to what you are good at and focus on improving that, dominate it, and then move onto something else.

Cultivate the habit of being a master of one rather than mediocre at multiple trades. I’m not saying you cannot be good at many things, of course you can, but would you rather be decent at a few things or great at one thing first? I know what I would chose and take it from me, being a jack of all trades doesn’t establish you as having a USP and what you need, what we all need is a USP.

I mean would you take anyone seriously who has not yet achieved success in one thing first, yet claims to be good at a trillion other things all at the same time? Nah. 

Most successful people start off with having that one thing that they’re known for as being an authority in and then over time they diversify.

Dominate then diversify.

Last thoughts: Sometimes I think the way I write in comparison to my real life personality is boring. Yes I said it, boring. In real life I’m a lot more energetic, creative and spontaneous, but when it comes to this blog I almost strip myself bare of all of those qualities but that’s about to change.

Watch this space…

P.s I decided to reinvent myself as a bunny hence the picture…no, not really.

Don’t be a dreamer

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I have been thinking about late night writing or posting should say. Why? Because I’m a vampire of course.
No but more seriously, there is bound to be a community of nutters, I mean like minded people scouring the internet for something to divulge into, right? People like me.

I had a pretend community called ISG, Insomniac Support Group because le struggle to sleep was real. It consisted of myself and one other guy on Twitter ha!

Anyway back to the matter. My first late night post goes a little something like this: Go to sleep. Just kidding.

What keeps me up at night? Erm a whole host of things, bills, bills, bills, have I said bills?  If I’m honest I try not to allow such things deprive me of sleep, usually if I am up till late, my aspirations are haunting me, literally.

I find that sometimes I spend a large amount of time thinking about them rather than actually doing them. The reason is usually because I have never done it before and truth be told my goals scare me lol, so what do I do instead? Procrastinate.

Last week I bought the audio book by the Shonda Rhimes “Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person”.

Shonda is both incredibly inspirational and a pioneer of her own kind. She consistently breaks the mould in various aspects of her life and is living it exactly the way she wants it. I applaud her boldness and her ability to say no to some things and yes to others, if you’ve read/listened to the book, you’ll know what I am referring to.

The thing that most resonated with me from her book, was something she said in her commencement speech at Dartmouth University, which she was petrified of doing. She said don’t dream, do.

Now you might say ‘yeah we know that Irene, we all know that’ yes we have heard it a trillion times but how well have those words permeated your skin? What’s the ratio of what you do to what you don’t do in respect of your goals? Be honest with yourself.

It was like I was hearing those words again for the first time. Its funny because my posts are riddled with ‘action talk’ yet I felt a renewed sense of attachment to the words ‘Don’t dream, do’ as if I had unlocked a new level on a game, the game of life. Maybe its because I knew I wasn’t doing nearly enough.

Yes its great having dreams, but dreams will remain a fantasy if you don’t do anything about it.

No sense in conjuring beautiful images of what you’d love your life to look like if you don’t in fact take any action towards doing something about it.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to do it, just keep doing what you know and be keen to learn.

The idea is to not keep still waiting for the perfect time or opportunity. Now is the perfect time and you are the opportunity.

Keep moving, keep repeating, keep practicing, keep learning, and most importantly keep doing.

By being proactive, the universe will aid and abet in order to get where you want to be but you have to do, consistently and persistently.

Okay that’s my lot. See you night creatures! XO

Change the conversation…now

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We are what we eat.

What we think about, we bring about.

What goes in, must come out.

The theme here is, whatever is going on inside will reflect on your outside world.

What are the things that you believe and think about yourself deep down inside? Those are the exact things that are ruling your existence.

You think positively and are mindful about what you say, yet things are not improving. Well, maybe it’s time you really take a closer look about what you truly think about yourself and your life.

Your life is reflection of the level of self-love you have. This could not be more true.

For example, putting in the work for your dreams to materialize. How much time do you spend doing it? Do you really believe it can happen for you? You want to travel the world, are you making plans for this to happen? You hate the job you’re in, have you looked at applications for your ideal position? Your relationship has broken down and there is no going back, isn’t it time for you to have that difficult conversation?

We often times self-sabotage because we truly don’t feel like it will happen for us, that we are deserving and have the power to change things. We might think it could happen, but we do not believe it will and therefore we act accordingly- We cannot have two masters, that is, where what you think and what you believe are different, one must take precedent.

Why would you leave your terrible partner, if you don’t believe you will have someone who treats you how you want to be treated? Might as well keep the one you have, it’s better than nothing right?

Why would you leave your hated job, if you believe that the next potential employer will think you are under qualified, might as well stay where you are, after all it pays the bills right?

Why would you travel the world, if you believe you will not have the money and end up homeless, I mean none of your friends have such aspirations and have settled for the okey doke, might as well join them, right?

Why would you eat healthier, if you believe you’ll never reach your goal weight, everyone in your family is overweight, unhealthy, and has a multitude of health issues, you are bound to suffer the same, it’s in your DNA, no point in even trying is there?

In fact, why would you do anything at all that you don’t believe in? The answer is you won’t.

Whatever you believe, will be real to you. How do we change the conversation? We change it with action. Follow each new and positive thought with an immediate action that is in alignment with that new thinking or belief. So if you want to eat healthier, write down a list of healthy foods you are going to buy the next time you go shopping. If you are aiming for a new role, download the application form and start filling it in. If you want to attract certain people, go to those places where they are. If you need to release someone from your life, send that text or email to say “we need to talk”, whatever it is, believe in yourself and that you are capable of working it out for your own good.

It takes a lot of courage to change your life, it is no easy feat, but with perseverance, action and commitment, it will get better.

Repetition is the mother of skill. Thought/Belief + action = results. It doesn’t have to be great huge steps, baby ones will make just as much difference in the long run.

Quieten the naysayers in your head, with a new belief backed up with action, repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…get it?