• Home
  • About
  • A Little Bit of Love
    • Manifest
    • Travel
    • Dreams
    • Relationships
    • Thoughts in motion
    • Experiences
    • Less Talk
    • Motivation
    • Love
    • More Action
    • Late night
    • Life
  • Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!
    • WDYWM Podcast

lipstickandblackcoffee

~ Be Live It

lipstickandblackcoffee

Category Archives: Lessons Learnt

Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Age, Goals, Kind curiosity, Metric, Pressure, Society, Status Quo, Targets, Therapy, Thirty


On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 2—The Time I Knew

We all have an internal GPS that guides us. Taking heed however, is a different matter altogether. This story is about a situ-lationship, that went on for entirely too long because I ignored myself and listened to others.

by Irene Ephraim March 4, 2021March 4, 2021

The Beginning: WDYWM?!

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 25, 2021

WDYWM?! Episode 1–Grief

Grief is a minefield. You just never know what will happen next.
In this episode, I share my experience with grief, how I live with it, and the things that I have learnt.

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 11, 2021February 13, 2021

Success–A One Size Fits All?

I have a gripe. For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me. Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in? …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 10, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

A Little Joy

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, Celebration, Christmas, Christmas Decor, France, happiness, inspiration, joy, life, Lockdown, Love, Motivation, Paris, Quarantine

I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?

Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!

This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.

Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.

We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.

That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?

Before

A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)

Christmas Decorations
After

The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!

My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
xo

This is it currently 🙂

LATEST POSTS

Protect Your Peace

I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health. So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. But all hope is not lost.  Protecting your peace and …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 3, 2021

Take Care Of It Now

Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense. You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 29, 2021

Crystal Clear

You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that. Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t? In the past, I struggled with this. I …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 23, 2021January 27, 2021

Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 15, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

20 Things to Know In Your 20’s – Part 2 (Reposted)

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, Adult, Discipline, Future, growth, Hurt, inspire, Lesson, life, Love, Motivation, Opinions, Pain, Relationships, Thirties, Tips, travel, Twenties

 

My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.

For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.

“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch, but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had.
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom.
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on.
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich your life.
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline, otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better.

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo”

LATEST POSTS

The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 11, 2021January 13, 2021

Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 7, 2021

In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 4, 2021January 8, 2021

First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 1, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

The Ground Is Fertile

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, change, dreams, Earth Rising, Goals, growth, Harvest, History, Plant, Soil, Visions

The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

Latest Posts

2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 31, 2020February 10, 2021

Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 30, 2020December 31, 2020

Good Choices

What choices have you made was a question I was asked today. I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite. I …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 29, 2020

Tier Me To Pieces

Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?  Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.I’m convinced Boris …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 28, 2020December 28, 2020

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

Tenets

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, Blogging, Experiences, Lessons, life, Tenet, wprdpress, writer

A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.

I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.

  1. No, your idea is not stupid. Run with it. The journey from inception to fruition might be a jog, sprint, or marathon, whatever it may be, just start! It doesn’t matter what it looks like, if there are errors or if it’s not exactly how you envisioned it, put ALL of that aside and start with what you have. And yes, you might be the only one who believes in it, still do it!
  2. The best way to get better is to ‘do’. Do more, and that means practice, practice, practice! Practice precedes progress and improvement. Practice well.
  3. Consistency. This one will make or break what you do. Do not underestimate it at all. Your work and purpose depends on it. It won’t be like that forever, but at the beginning and perhaps for a (very) long time, make consistency your goal. Think of anyone you consider to be successful, were they an overnight success? Absolutely not. It was consistency, trial and error and patience.

The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.

Xo

Latest Posts

Yours or Mine?

Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you?  Are you sure?  Are YOU sure? Just checking.  I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 10, 2020

A Little Joy

I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!? Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 3, 2020

20 Things to Know In Your 20’s – Part 2 (Reposted)

  My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is. For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim November 26, 2020

Transitions

I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish. My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day. It’s fortuitous as our friends …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim November 3, 2020

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

Death, Loss, A Gift?

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Black Panther, Chadwick Boseman, death, Gifts, Grief, Legacy, life, Pain

We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.
We’re merely passing through. 

Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift. 

4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as long as we did? To do all that he did?
A gift 🎁

My friend Franklin ascended 4 months after diagnosis. And whilst his life was even more brief in years, I still feel very grateful to have known him. 
A gift 🎁 

God could have called them home a lot sooner. 

We do not determine when we will leave, so with what you have, make sure when it’s time to go, you’re empty.
Franklin gave me his belief in me and constant support. 
Chadwick gave us a piece of history, and a reconciling of who we are, not just in Black Panther, but in his life’s work. 

Be a gift, leave a legacy.
🎁

May they and those who have left this earth, rest in perfect peace.

Xo

 

Words are Genies.

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Courage, Fashion, Fitness, Genie, Goals, Louvre, Self-Development, spiritual

Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect.

At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to complete all the things I set out to (because regular procrastinator/perfectionist here).
I say courage, because sometimes I often experience fear, and to overcome fear, is to do the thing, and to do the thing, courage is needed.

As I uttered the word courage, I had break in thought, ‘Are you sure you want courage?’.
I paused. ‘Yes, courage is what I want’.

My prayer was interrupted by that thought because history has shown me that what you want, will often challenge you, and you might not like what you have to do to get there.

I eventually fall asleep and wake up a few hours later.
I express my gratitude that I, my family and friends are alive and well and start my day.

As my coffee brews, I make a chocolate and peanut butter sandwich (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Then out of nowhere, my mood took a nose dive.

The more I thought about all the things I planned to do, the deeper the desire to do nothing became. I only wanted to lie in bed in my birthday suit.

I messed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for courage? Maybe I should have asked for something else?
The feeling of inertia was getting stronger, and I knew I needed to shift gears and break the depressive grip forming.

A message from my fitness instructor/friend came through. My heart leapt for a joy a little, as I hoped the text would read that he’d have to cancel today’s zoom workout session. No such luck. He was just checking that we were good to go at 2:15pm.

Reluctantly I wrote ‘See you at 2:15pm’. I figured my mood might have picked up when it was time, but truthfully I did not want to see him or anyone at 2:15pm.

In the meantime, I attempted to pep talk myself. I half chuckled, half grimaced, because I knew asking for the courage to accomplish things this week could quite possibly give me the complete opposite feeling, meaning I’d really have to work for the courage. And that’s what happened.

2:15pm rolls around and you guessed it, I haven’t moved.

Me: We have to?

Him: Yes. Yes we do.

For ****sake!

Sluggishly, I put on my workout gear, grab my laptop, workout mat, water, fan, and head to the living room to begin this workout.

I did it. I completed the workout.
My form was off and I got tired very quickly, but I did it.

It might seem like a small feat, but dragging myself to work out, stopped the fall into a sunken place, and refocused my mind and energy towards being productive and ultimately where I wanted to be.

So what’s my point? Be mentally prepared for what you’re asking for, as it will come and if you’re not vigilant, you’ll let the opportunity pass you by because it’s “too hard”, “too long”, “too much”, “too right”.
It’ll be easy to want to give up, but rather than give up,  give in to it. Go with it, flow with it, work with it, but least of all reject it, because on the other side, is what you are looking for.

Xo

A Will, A Way.

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Art, blogger, Craft, Finish, Love, Masterpiece, start, writer

61e5e7a5-db4a-413c-90cf-3df76b6e053cI have been willing myself to complete a post for weeks now to no avail. Five different topics with a beginning, a middle and no end. Huff.

As I finished writing that last sentence, a thought came to me to just post one as is, and that’s what I’m going to do.

Too often we let perfectionism block and stop us from showing up, believing that we have to present a completely finished & polished product, and truthfully we don’t. What’s much more revolutionary than that is being your authentic self and simply showing up the best way you know how, rough edges and all.

So here is one I started a month ago and haven’t edited or completed.  And maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

” Remove and Replace

Whatever expectations you’ve had for your life for the last few years or decades, perhaps it’s time you let up and release them.

We can get so caught up in what we think it should be and forcefully try and make things happen, that we actually miss out on the opportunities right in front of us.

That doesn’t mean never getting the things you want, it’s more about adjusting your lens to capture what already exists and making it better.

I was having a conversation with a friend about life and its fragility and because of that, again I thought are can we really afford to get stuck on the things that haven’t worked? to hold grudges? to wallow in self-pity? to allow negativity?  Sure, its easier said than done. And yes it’s something to be practice and there is no time like the present.

So many of us give up on the first try, because we’re so stuck on how we envisioned it happening that we haven’t stopped to consider other options.”

Xo

What 2009-2019 Taught Me.

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blogger, Christmas, Decade, Life Lesson, new year, Taught, Tips, writer

Before you receive an onslaught of all the decade stuff, I thought I’d quickly slide mine in there and share some of the things I’ve learnt over the last 10 years.

I started this decade as a 22 year old, who didn’t know shit, still doesn’t, ha! Anyway, without further ado, here they are:

  1. Love can be simple and it can be complicated. It’s also not meant to be an exact replica of others, it should however, be and feel good.
  2. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, working on them/you does.
  3. Forgiveness is essential and not an option. Your health, relationships and life need it.
  4. It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.
  5. Take risks, especially the ones that make you want to vomit. You either love it or you’ll learn from it.
  6. Make your own rules. You’re the boss of your life.
  7. Speak up. Clear your throat, take a deep breath and say it. Not saying it, is costly.
  8. One size does not fit all. Your life is meant to be colourful and full of character (including characters). You’re breathing, so let it do it’s thing and go with the flow where you can.
  9. Let it all go. People, jobs, ideals.  Free yourself and be better.
  10. Give. To yourself first, then to others. That way you’ll always be at your best.
  11. There are upsides to every downside, there are downsides to every upside, and to experience anything good you have to embrace all of it

Bonus: We’re all just figuring it out. The above is what I’ve figured out so far and truthfully in the next year/decade it will change. That’s life.

What are some of the things you have learnt over the last decade?

xo

P.s If I don’t write to you before the new year, have a wonderful New Year! xo

Something’s Afoot.

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

career, Challenges, death, Finances, growth, Hardship, Job, life, Money, Pains, relationship, Six Months, Speaker, Year

Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

I don’t know how its been for you (I hope great), but the first 6 months of this year for myself and many others that I know, was rough, still is.

From deaths, loss of jobs, work issues, financial hardship, strained relationships, the list goes on. It’s been too strange, too common, too frequent, too harsh. I started to think, is this a universal shift for a specific set of people? I wanted out. Knowing others were having a hard time too, did not alleviate the weight of struggle- misery in fact does not always love company.

Having said that, I believe another transition is upon us. A glow up of sorts. Something better than what was. Ms O(prah) said what happens to you is for you and that shift in perspective can empower you to think and act differently. Attempting to ignore or rush it, will not make things change quicker, let it breathe

As cliche as this is about to sound I wouldn’t be who I am When I think about some of the difficult times I’ve had, it always made me better, always. A better communicator, better skilled, more compassionate, more loving, more understanding, more forgiving, disciplined, smarter and much more. Did it feel like all these things at the time? Um **** no, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I have always gained more and become larger than before.

Let the growing pains work for you by allowing it the space to evolve and for you evolve with it, because what is coming is better than what is gone.

Irene xo

 

← Older posts

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?! is a podcast speaking on the things you should know, but don't. The things you typically find out after the fact, and it's sometimes too late. Fear not, Why Didn't You Warn Me?! with Irene aka Lipstick, will give you the 411 through story-telling, conversations, and refreshing perspectives.

© Copyright © lipstickandblackcoffee 2021

Subscribe via iTunes

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel

 
Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×