Category Archives: Lessons Learnt

Rejected…again?

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facetune_14-11-2018-09-44-44I don’t know whether there are people who are unaffected by rejection and if they exist someone point them my way, I need some tips.

I think most would agree that being rejected once, sucks, but multiple times? Its the worst. And yet it’s inevitable, we cannot escape it no matter who we are or where we are from, we have to deal.

So how do we deal? When things aren’t going how we would like, there’s a tendency to lump all bad experiences together and make it one big ball of pain. This undoubtedly makes it more difficult to move past the experience(s).

“I applied for this role and didn’t get it”

“I missed out on getting onto this course because I was shy of 2 points”

“She left me for someone else”

“My colleague was given the promotion over me, although I am more qualified”

Imagine putting all of those together and wondering why you feel so crap afterwards. Don’t do it.

I have taken a number of L’s this year, do I stop? Do I give up? Do I no longer make the effort? No no and no! (And yes I’m definitely guilty of the above, I’m champion woe is me).

Some rejections I was unfazed by, others made me question myself over and over again. It happens to the best of us.

For example, I applied for 6 positions at my current organisation, did you hear me? I said SIX. After the first 2 rejections, I felt like shit. Most of the roles I applied for, I was more than capable of doing based on my skills and experience, but it wasn’t happening and I did not understand why. The feedback I received was positive but I just missed it. To make matters worse:

  • Most of the people I work with have been pushing for me to get something permanent and so I constantly have colleagues coming up to me, giving me information on jobs, agencies and the like…all the time.
  • It’s embarrassing. And whilst I appreciate/d the support it made me feel useless. Like why can’t I get together?! Frustrating to say the least!
  • This was a 6 month contract. I have been here 18 months which I’m thankful for, however MANY people have left and been able to find better roles. I MUST be the problem.

After the 3rd interview and it was a no (the other 3 I never heard back from), I thought right, what’s really happening here? After some reflection I realised apart from improving my interview techniques, my future is not attached to this company at all. I’d be settling here. I enjoy working with the people, however the roles have been something ‘to do’ and that’s definitely not what I want for my life and the universe has heard me.

From these experiences I have learnt that it is best to treat each situation separate from the other. One negative experience, failure or rejection need not be compounded to conclude that you are indeed a “bum”. Instead, focus on the lessons to be learnt.

Rejection does not have to be failure, it can be redirection and a chance to do it differently. You also don’t know what you’re being saved from.

It can be tough and you’ll want wallow in self-pity, but choose to dust yourself off, be a good student, and give it another go.

Xo

Chasing Waterfalls

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TLC said it best.

It can be a difficult pill to swallow when you’re in pursuit of something that doesn’t want you back. No matter how much you do it simply does not want to materialise or work out how you’ve envisioned.

In that there’s a lesson; don’t force it, let it go.

It means there’s another area in your life that requires your attention, what is it? If you don’t know, look a bit closer, it’s there, screaming pick me.

Once you discover it, direct your attention to that thing. Nurture it, learn from it, grow from it. Before you know it, like a boys summer growth sprout, what you were in hot pursuit of is here.

Sometimes it’s like that. There are certain things we have to experience first and learn from before we are equipped enough to handle our other desires. In fact it’s crucial that we do, so we have less of a chance to totally screw it up!

It’s sucks, I know, but something greater is possible if you allow it to be.

xo

Bounce Back

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If you have ever loved someone or something, there’s a high chance that you’ll experience a deep pain at some point. And when it happens, boy does it suck.
Pain is one of the things you cannot avoid and yet is one of life’s best teachers.

How do you bounce back from a painful experience?

We have been conditioned to do the things that are the exact opposite of what we need. Things like oversharing and reliving the experience over and over again as if it’s still happening.

Think about it, if someone pinched you on Monday and you i) spoke about it with various people ii) spoke about it every day for the next two weeks, what do you suppose the situation would feel like for you by the end of those two weeks? I can bet good money you’ll be worse off than when it initially happened.

This is because you would have used much of your energy to not only expand a situation by repeatedly talking/thinking about it, but simultaneously you would have made it even harder for you to move past it.

Nowadays when things happen to me, I am particular about who I go to for counsel and I do my best to not talk/think about it much as I have seen the results of me doing the opposite. I still on occasion get it wrong.

I’ll give you an example. I had previously discussed my career woes with a multitude of people from various backgrounds, hoping to get sound advice and clarity. They all, wanting to be helpful, gave me advice from their perspective and guess what? It didn’t help. It only made me feel even more clueless and helpless than before. I got to the point where I’d get irritated by people constantly asking me what’s going on, that I started to shut the same people out (cheeky I know), but I had to, for my own sanity.

I had to take responsibility for what I had created by the actions I had taken. Too many cooks…

So rather than do the above, here are a few learned tips:

  • Remember that whatever happened is not happening. It’s in the past. Deal with the feelings at hand separate from anything. Write it out of you if need be (this is the best way for me). Don’t try to rush past it, let it take its natural course, but do encourage/help yourself to move forward.
  • Be picky with who you tell your gripes to. Don’t go to someone who will be your hype woman or man. Speak to someone who will give you sound counsel.
  • Limit the amount of people you talk to about it as well as the amount of times you talk about it
  • Trust yourself to know what to do.
  • And I say this with love, get over yourself. As someone who has a really hard time getting over mistakes and pains, having this be a driving force for moving forward is a great help.

I have in various instances used the above method to aid in quicker recovery for disappointment and pain, it works. It might sound simple, but give it a go, what do you have to lose?

Xo

90 Days

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Pinch Punch its the First of the Month!

Can you believe it’s October already? How??

It must be a getting older thing, because I don’t remember time flying by like this when I was a child, but then again what did I know?

With that being said, what’s the plan for the rest of the year? Or have you given up on it? Please don’t, there is still time for you to change things around.

I get it, for some of you it has been a tough year and you just want a do over, and you can have that, but only if you want to.

It’s about choice. You get to choose how you respond to the things happening in your life, and your choices are a catalyst for what you experience next.

Having this in mind, what could you do differently to get a different result? Make it drastic, let it be so unusual for you, that it makes you feel uncomfortable and scares you a little bit.

One of the quickest ways to get better at anything is by doing more, faster. Don’t drag it out, even if it makes your stomach churn as mine is doing right now (I have a big decision to make), you’ll be better for it.

You have 90 days left till the end of year, you’ve got this!

Xo

You Sow, You Reap.

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Just like yourself I need reminders all the time about the things I should be thinking about and working on and I received one this morning.

Whatever you’re living in now, is your harvest. Marinate on that for a moment.

Whilst it’s great to be living in the now as you should, we do need to consider how we are setting up for our future.

I needed this reminder today because too often we become complacent and abandon the responsibility we have in creating the circumstances we live in. No one is going to do the work for you, you have to get up and show up.

Spend some time today thinking about the state of your affairs. Realise the decisions, choices, thought processes and actions that you made to lead you to this point.

If you acknowledge that there is something you would like to create or change for your imminent or distant future, think about what that looks, take action and be consistent.

Remember you are manifesting as we speak (read- you know what I mean)…

And just so you know that I am doing the work too, I’ll share a recent experience with you.

I was reading the ES magazine last week Thursday and it had a story on Dina Asher-Smith. She is a British sprinter and her story motivated me to return to something I once loved, running. Reading the article conjured up old feelings and I decided that I would get back to it after 15 years and I would not give reasons (excuses) for not doing it.

Fortunately for me, I have a friend Cynthia who is a track athlete, sprinter and inspiration. I met her through a mutual friend of mine a little over 2 years ago. She turned up to my shambles of a 28th birthday soiree (that’s a story for another time), not long after giving birth to her second child.

The transformation from when I first met her to now is like day and night and solely down to her sheer will, discipline and commitment to her fitness and health even with a very active household to support. Not all hero’s wear capes, some of them live and work right next to you.

Anyway, I contacted Cynthia on Friday, was on the track on Tuesday and is currently suffering from the pain of having ran 5 x 200m with 1 minute recovery time between each (I took longer breaks lol). She, Emma and Eliza did 10 x 200m with a 1 minute recovery time, I personally could not…yet but I’m positive with more training and their encouragement I’ll be able to do it.

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This was just after our session on Tuesday. I’m smiling but I nearly died.

The point is when you make a decision, get the ball rolling and take action. Trust me, I didn’t want to turn up on Tuesday as I was tired AF, but I did and although I am in pain now my future body and health will thank me for it.

Xo

Keep That Same Energy

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It’s 8:20 am and I’m scheduled to be on time for work- woop! I’m hosting interviewees and the first person is set to arrive at 9:00 am so I can’t do my usual ‘stroll into work at late o’clock’.

Seeing as I should make it in slightly before 9’o clock, a thought crossed my mind as I walked briskly down the escalators that “I could take my time, there is no need to rush”.

I know better. It would just be my luck that as soon as I decide to relax, something happens. There’d be hordes of people trying to get on the train or it would suddenly be delayed by 10 minutes.

For a split second I did consider it but decided against it and continued to make haste, just in case. I was right to as there were delays…

A little random detail about my morning but it led me to think of this life hack. When you are making strides and you have built some momentum, that is not the time to take your foot off the accelerator, you do the opposite, floor it.

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It’s easy to become complacent once we experience a little bit of success. It gets to our heads and we think “ahh yes I can relax”, when really that window of opportunity is the time to push, go harder and do more. The aim is to firmly make your stamp in whatever it is you’re doing, not to do it just a little bit and the only way to do that is to generate enough traction that it lasts.

Remember when Beyonce took that year long career break? She could do that because she’s worked hard enough that her work speaks for itself whether she is present or not. Now I don’t advise you do what she does as I am sure its not entirely healthy, what I am saying is; if something is working, pursue it and pursue it well, strike whilst the iron is hot.

Life is full of peaks and troughs and you want to make the best of what you have, whilst you still have it.

Xo

P.s I made it on time 🙂

“I Woke Up Like This”

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709d80aa-886d-48f8-945a-e13d48d6479fLast week I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. It was beautiful, a true blessing.

In the midst of celebrations I had reflective moments as I usually do in these situations. I thought about how wonderful all the different relationships (friends, relatives, couples) were, however, I was quickly reminded that things were not always so and getting here was in short, a real conscious effort…But here we all were celebrating, reaping the work of our hands in more ways than one.

Isn’t it how we look at all good things? That they just are, that there wasn’t a process, growing pains, or a lot of challenging work involved to make it what it is.

We often forget or choose to ignore the behind the scenes and just glorify the highlights. Those highlights are nothing without the graft. It could not would not exist without an individual/s choosing to show up and participate in ALL the parts required to achieve a goal.

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If you want something you cannot pick and choose the bits you want to deal with and avoid the ones you don’t. You’re either all in or out, straddling the fence isn’t permitted.

Usain Bolt pre-retirement would train all year round for possibly a 10 second race a few times a year. Let that sink in. A 10 second race.

Beautiful, wonderful things are sometimes cultivated.

So the next time you see something great, think about what it might have taken to get there and let that reinforce what you do. Don’t ever get twisted thinking that anyone has it easy, everyone pays a price, the question is whether you want to?

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Xo

Call It Quits?

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img_0874You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it.

Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing seems to be changing. You want to stop but you haven’t…yet.

Will it ever happen? Should I give up? Did I make a mistake going down this path? Can I fix it? Should I fix it? What did I do wrong?
It’s not going happen, I should give up, I never should have embarked on this journey, there’s nothing more I can do, I should have done this instead…

The constant noise, the incessant chatter of shoulda woulda couldas engulfs you. You can’t think straight.

Too overwhelmed to do much, yet too far gone to give it all up.

I know the feeling, it’s tempting to call it quits especially on days where it doesn’t make sense.
Truth is, when you made the decision to pursue your desires, there were no guarantees that it would happen, you only believed in it enough to do something about it, kudos to you.

In times like these, you must reconnect to your why. Stop the static by getting out of your normal environment and purge yourself of your thoughts.

Sounds simple, almost too simple yet it works.

I was having a nightmare of a time yesterday with a decision I had made months ago and I was so close to going back on my word. I had re-enacted what I felt like doing in that moment a trillion times but deep down I knew I’d regret it.

I wanted to stay on course but was struggling to. I called on my friends to keep me motivated; they helped, however it didn’t immediately ease my feelings. My thoughts were doing over time.

I decided to go to a small park around where I work. I opened notes on my phone, wrote two lines about how I was feeling and that was it. My sound mind was restored.

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Seeing the words was a visual reminder of why I was doing it and that the possibility of something better was worth the effort and indeed valuable to me.

Try it out. If you feel uncertain about your direction, get into nature. Spend time there, meditate, write or even talk to someone. It’s the best free therapy there is. And when you’re done, pat yourself on the back for everything you have accomplished so far, appreciate the moment you’re in now, stay connected to your why and never give up.

If it doesn’t happen on the first try, keep doing it, clarity will come.

“Anything worth having, is worth waiting (working) for”…apparently (lol)

xo

Being 30

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At 22 I made a video with my then boyfriend (not that kind of video, ya nasty) about what I wanted to accomplish by 30. Unfortunately I do not have the video to refer back to as he deleted it when we broke up- salty.

Anyway, I remember having such grand plans of what I wanted my life to look like and the accomplishments I should have by the time I turned 30.

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My life is nothing like I had envisioned. It’s great just different.

For years leading up to it, I was incredibly conscious of that target to the point of sometimes crippling anxiety. I’d think about turning 30, and palpitations would follow with a sense of foreboding ‘I am not going to do everything am I?, I’m failure if  I don’t make my goals, all my peers are getting along nicely, there must be something wrong with me…’ and the constant head chatter would regurgitate itself every so often.

Then there were the advice from those in their 30’s, talking about how amazing it will be and how much you’d enjoy it. Their opinions were met with my dubious side eye, raised left eyebrow and pursed lips “sure”.

But here I am 6 months into being 30 not having achieved all of my previous goals and thinking what was the big deal? Life hasn’t come to a halt because things didn’t go according to my plan and it also did not require me to stop working towards them just because I’m 30, in fact quite the opposite.

I have opted to continuously recommit myself to, well, me, in every aspect and there’s no age limit on that-it’s entirely up to you.

Don’t limit yourself. If things don’t work out as planned, oh well, it’s not the end of the world. Keep going, take a step back if you need to, but simply don’t quit.

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Xo

Where’s Your Head At?

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A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry.

Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however we can never quite get it together and it’s always by some stroke of luck that we find somewhere at the very last minute.

Anyway this fight was coming up and I was completely over the palaver of trying find somewhere. Nope, not doing it. I am not looking for a place, a vibe, a nothing, but, I still had the issue of wanting to watch the fight, so what do I do? Then it hit me, ‘Irene, pay for it and watch it at home DURH!’. That’s what anyone with common sense would do, right? Except I was so used to having the mind frame of watching it with others, in their space and on their dollar that it never ever occurred to me that I could just pay for it myself and watch it in the comfort of my own home, without the hassle. Genius idea.

It might sound minute to you, but it shocked the hell out of me because I hadn’t realised that even in something as small as this I had become conditioned to think about some things in a way that was limiting my experiences. Needless to say I paid for it, watched it in bed and after the boring fight was over, fell right asleep, perfect.

It took me making a different choice to encourage me to have a different experience.

What old ways do you have that is limiting your experiences? What could you take responsibility for? What different choice could you make that might lead to a different experience?

The people who get uncommon results do uncommon things. Break your mould and do something you wouldn’t normally and yes sometimes doing that will be difficult and challenges will arise, push through anyway and do it.

I did a presentation last week in front of a whole directorate and I was shitting myself. They couldn’t tell though but I was so sure I was making an arse of myself. It was my first time doing something of that kind and trust me when I say all sorts of challenges cropped up in the lead up to it but I expected that because that’s what happens when you want soemthing. I seriously considered dropping out at the last minute and said to myself, ‘Irene why did you say you’d do it?’. But guess what? It was well received and my colleague and I had lots of positive, reaffirming feedback.

It was also a huge learning curve and built my character and skills, yet if I had quit, I’d never have that.

Its a new week, do something different and see how it goes. Whether you win or lose, you learn from it- you still win.