Category Archives: Self-Development

Take A Picture

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Posted by in Manifest, More Action, Motivation, Self-Development

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84e2fe7f-4a56-4acc-a517-f19b12b53042It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished.

There’s a great way to address that, document it.
I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but follow it for a moment.

At the beginning of 2018 my acne flared up terribly. I had just finished 3 chemical peels back to back, in a bid to clear up acne scarring, believing that as I approached my 30s everything would settle down. Not my skin and not my face. Rather than reveal new skin, my acne returned with a vengeance. My skin was not happy with the peels or me and it showed. I felt defeated again. Who wants to be dealing with acne at any age never mind at 30!

Up until that point, there existed NO pictures of my bare face. Not one. Not one since I was 17. Not on my personal phone, not even in a place where’d it be hidden, where only I would be privy to it. Not even after 2 rounds of roaccutane (which significantly improved my skin temporarily), numerous facials, topical treatments and so on. Never. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want proof of it anywhere, thinking that if I didn’t have to see it, it’ll piss off and never return somehow.  It can’t exist if I do not acknowledge it right? Well it didn’t piss off and it did exist.

For years I hated pictures and was always running from a camera and deleting pictures from other people phones. Even today, I’m still not all that enthusiastic about it, however I am MUCH better than I used to be.

Anyway, I’m not sure what possessed me this time around, but I decided I would take pictures of my bare skin in June 2018. It was bad, really bad.

No one ever believes how problematic and scarred my skin was, because I was an expert at disguising most of it. Those with acne prone skin usually are.Now I’d have proof to show people, when they’d say ‘you’re skin isn’t bad’, erm yes it was, let’s call a spade a spade. Truthfully though, I had no intentions of showing anyone and still don’t. I did however, want to see the changes that might happen.

I took action to repair my skin for the umpteenth time. Gradually it improved, but I still wanted more. I wanted my blemish free taunt skin that I had pre-acne, that was until I looked at the picture I took a year ago. I was astounded by the difference.

I immediately felt immense gratitude for how far I’d come and the progress I had made. I couldn’t actually believe this was what it used to look like. I looked in the mirror again and appreciated how much had changed.

Being able to look back and see the difference between then and now instantly shifted my perspective on how I saw things and increased my confidence. I give myself a little bit more love and a pat on the back for not giving up.

You should consider doing the same. Write down your feelings or take pictures of what you’re doing/working on now, and if you feel compelled to regarding that particular thing, continue to do so. Over time, you will notice the leaps and bounds that you will have made, if only you will not give up and keep going.

Irene xo

P.s Perhaps I’ll share pictures another time, when I am ready and or feeling much much braver lol.

Trust the Process

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My three biggest takeaways so far for 2019 are patience, trust and humility. I have had to exercise these qualities in various amounts, sometimes all at the same time. It is testing, but growing.
Growing. I wonder if people understood what it meant, whether they’d still want to grow? We say it all the time, “I want to continuously grow and develop”, the reality of that is a lot different to those few words. It can be painful, especially if you resist the change.
If you are in that transition period, here are some things that can make the growing pains easier on you:
DON’T: 
  1. Resist the change. Forcing it to go your way is only going to cause you more strife. Relax.
  2. Do not constantly repeat your problems to anyone within earshot. You only exacerbate the situation and deepen the attachment, which tends to be negative.

DO:

  1. Do be proactive. Learn something new, invest in yourself. Standing still will only cause you ponder over what’s happening and if you’re an over thinker you’ll simply make it worse.
  2. Let go of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, it’s regressive.
  3. Go with the flow.
  4. Keep going, however you know how. It will improve.
  5. Exercise patience. Wanting it to be over and doing everything in your might to make it so, will not make it so. Can you plant a seed today and it bear fruit tomorrow?It has to take its natural course, whatever ‘it’ is.
  6. For the love of God, learn the lesson (lol). This one was for me, but still, I thought it might be useful for you too.

Xo

Seasons

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The weather in London has been amazing! But if you’re from here, you know all too well how fleeting it is, and how eager we all are to enjoy it whilst it’s here.

Seasons. We might not like them but we need them, whether we recognise it or not. Everything has its time. A time to work and a time to relax.

What are you working towards? And is it working for you? Because if not, maybe it’s time for you take a step back and assess what season you’re in.

When we resist what is happening for us, we cause further pain and strife to ourselves.

There is however another option, to stop resisting, relax and get into the flow of your season. I know, it’s difficult to relax when you have these dreams that you need to make happen, which are obviously not going to come on their own, right? Well, not entirely. Sure you have to do something, but notice how things come to you much faster when you’re relaxed, and the urgency isn’t there? You might have even forgotten about the thing itself and suddenly it appears. This is what will happen once you choose to accept versus resist.

I know it’s annoying when things aren’t working how you want it to, but what’s even more frustrating, is trying to force something to happen that is unripe.

If there is something you have been trying too hard at, choose today to relax. Take a deep breath, pull back and then get in tune with the vibration of your life. Pay attention to the things that are happening/working and flow with that, and you’ll soon find that the others things will begin to work itself out.

Xo

‘As A Man Thinketh, So Is He’

12 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in Life, Motivation, Self-Development

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Listen to the audio version here:https://soundcloud.com/lipstickandblackcoffee/no-30

Why can’t it be me?

In one of my rare moments of reading the newspaper purely to feast my eyes on the luxurious properties, I came across a piece on the ‘Design duo Jay Osgerby and Edward Barber’. They created the 2012 Olympic torch and I thought, what an amazing opportunity, which no doubt would go down in the history books. Following on from last week’s post, I had a thought, why couldn’t that be me or you?

Very often, we wistfully admire others and their accomplishments without realising that we also could be achieving similar things, if only we would accept that it is possible.

It’s almost as if we resign great achievements and fulfilment to the ‘chosen ones’ rather than it is those who chose themselves as worthy.

Today I would like you to think of this, life is a constant rotation of trade by barter. You get something in return for what you give, you give nothing, you get nothing. Make efforts towards what you’ve always dreamt of.

Everything we see, use and live by was once a figment of someone’s imagination. Look around you, your TV, laptop, phone, house, car, was once a foolish idea. Your aspiration might be to be debt free, or to go on holiday with your family or to change careers, whatever it is, no matter how small or grandiose your ambition is, accept first, that it is possible.

The world is made up of so called impossibilities, let that fuel your fire.

Three valuable things to note that will help you:

1) You must surround yourself with people who are in line with your belief.

2) Saturate your life with the things that you believe or wanting to believe via books, videos, the conversations you have, pictures, visiting locations whatever supports your idea, cling to it.

3) Again, you must accept that it is possible and you are already half way there. Reject anything that opposes this idea. Keep your vision at the forefront of your mind, and do something every day that adds to your belief.

I reiterate the importance of your belief above because it governs what you do and how you live your life. The most important one of all that I haven’t mentioned is to believe in yourself, as it is a pre-requisite for embarking on any journey.

We attach so much of our self worth to things, money, individuals and the danger with that, is if that thing is destroyed, or someone says something harmful, or our bank balance is negative, it becomes an instant validation of who we are and it is not so. Value yourself, your worth is not and should not be determined by an inanimate object or someone else.  Their inability to not see your worth is their issue and not one you should take on.

I’ll end with this, believe in yourself, begin where you are, use what you have and finally do not mock small beginnings.

A Prison Sentence

08 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by in More Action, Motivation, Self-Development

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A Prison Sentence

I started watching OITNB from season one recently and boy did it give me a reality check.

While watching it, I kept uttering to myself I will not go to prison, not for anything, not simply because of the prison culture in itself, the mere thought of being confined to a room and striped of freedom is grave punishment enough for someone like me.

Ironically, the more I watched it, the more I started to think, are we really that different? One of the characters said and I paraphrase, the only difference between you and I, is that when I did bad things I didn’t get caught-I think some of us can attest to that.Some of us are one good/ bad decision away from a life changing moment.

I looked around my current settings and examined what made me any different to them? They had a room, I have a room, they weren’t at liberty to do what they wanted when they wanted, I am… but was I truly? I pondered on whether the choices I made every day were reflective of the life I truly wanted to live- the answer is a resounding no.

Many of us are living out a prison sentence and we don’t even know it. We have become incarcerated by our past, fears, habits and perspectives.

I’d be the first to admit that one of my fears was created and built upon solely by me. I built a mansion out of it (I think I’m a pretty good architect, ok probably not a good thing in this sense). It started off small, but every day I added to it and before I knew it, it was colossal. I berated myself and made constant comparisons of myself to others and over time it reached a point that I was “in fact” useless.  I have since recognised that this is not true and is something I work on daily to undo the damage I had caused for all those years.

Every day we write the next chapter in our lives by what we tell ourselves, cemented further by what we do. Picture this, you have a bouquet of beautiful flowers and we know that in order for it to last long enough, we have to nurture it.  Assuming you don’t water it, give it the necessary light or feed it its prescribed plant food, by the end of two weeks, you will have no doubt , a vase of withered and lifeless flowers. Is there any way of reviving this and bringing it back to its full former glory? I am yet to see this happen. You need to be nurtured every single day, it is your principal duty ,not anyone else’s to feed, water and nourish yourself.

Be mindful of what you listen to, what you watch and who you allow to influence your life, the impact on your mental state is more than you realise.

I remember being about 11 years old and constantly hearing from my school peers that a girl having a muscular physique was unattractive, especially having defined calf muscles.  I happened to fit that bill and for the longest while, I would go to great lengths to conceal my body for risk of being called something that I was not. At about 17 I had one person say to me you have nice legs (If my head could have spun around, it would have) and that it was something they found attractive, “what?!” Needless to say that was the beginning of me embracing myself and showing ‘the finger’ to those people, which might I add aren’t doing so well and are desperately hitting the gym *Does shoulder shimmy*.

To mentally emancipate yourself, it will require a daily dose of restructuring, from what you visually see, hear, do and tell yourself. For every thought you don’t wish to embody, you must PRACTICE counteracting it with something you do want. We talk and focus SO much on everything we don’t want and end up creating more of that very same thing -Whatever marinates, you generate. Listen what do you have to lose? You’ve spent your whole life living it mentally and physically unhappy, why not do something different and be on course for something more enriching?

Anything worth it must be maintained, otherwise you will lose it and this applies to everything! When you stay at a 4/5*hotel room, you expect it to be well-kept, comfortable, and luxurious even. For it to be that way, it is sustained by a team of expert cleaners, who laboriously clean the rooms, every single day. It should of course look and feel brand new. Suppose the cleaners and maintenance team don’t attend to their daily duties, when you visit, in what state should you expect to find the room in? The same respect should be given to yourself.

A thought in order to become a habit must be reinforced by action- ‘Think’ inside out.  Anything is possible 🙂

Finding Your Tribe!

18 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by in relationships, Self-Development

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Your outside world is a direct reflection on what takes places internally; your thoughts, perception and decisions are all contributors to the kind of life that you live.

You may at some point or another, reached a stage in your life where you are no longer comfortable with your environment. The desire to shift paradigms becomes ravenous and you begin to make changes, and then suddenly, an abrupt halt. You’ve run out of steam and you’re no longer certain whether this is a journey you want to continue on, after all everyone else around you is content with settling for whatever comes their way, so why bother trying to accomplish something more?

The general theory is that you can only go as far as you can see, be it physically or mentally. If you are surrounded by dire circumstances or associate yourself with a derelict crowd, what is the probability that you will turn out like them or conform to your environment?

Belonging or having a set of people who are where you want to be or are like-minded is pertinent to having an enhanced and progressive life.

One of the greatest influences in our lives, are the people we keep close to us. Everyone needs an encourager, someone who believes in them, someone who can sharpen their tools when it’s blunt, someone who reminds you of your vision and who holds you accountable for your actions and goals.

Recount a time where you watched an athlete approaching the finishing line of a marathon. You can see they are mentally and physically tired and they start to slow down. This is a common mistake because it allows the person behind them to catch up. The spectators see this and begin to applaud, scream, cheer and encourage the 1st athlete. You can sense the energy of the people who are unified and willing that person to keep going and propelling them further to complete the race, and in most cases they do. That my friend is the power of having those that believe in you, and are like-minded take you to the finish line.

Unfortunately, we are not always blessed with having such people around us, so what we can do to change that? Well here’s one way: Books.

“You said all of that to tell me about books?” Yes I did and here’s why. When you were a toddler one of the first things that you were introduced to in order educate you, were books. Before you could even write your name, it was story books and what those books did, was launch you to a world you had not yet experienced. It formed your ideas on what the world was like or could be like. It further increased your belief and your imagination evolved. It is when you are constantly learning that you have the propensity to develop. You NEED to integrate new concepts into your life and a sure fire way of doing this is by reading.

I recently read a short book by a motivational speaker and he said something along the lines of this and I paraphrase: Think of your role model, you would want to meet them right? You would love to be in their presence and pick their brains…but have you read their books? Most successful people have written books detailing their struggles, successes and what sets them apart ,yet many people have not even bothered to read them.  A book is a gateway to that individuals mind and you don’t have to pay extortionate amounts to get to them nor did you have to hound them with various communications to get a response. You have direct access to them in written form- use it!

Until you are able to attract your tribe so to speak, cultivate a mind of one that you would want to have in a group of people. By affecting your thoughts and changing your perception, you will find yourself in environments akin to this new dimension. It will put you in the position to seek out opportunities because you are expanding your horizons, you will want to go to different places and you’ll become more willing  try things that you haven’t previously thought of, it is here that you will find those more like you.

It doesn’t have to be books alone, it can be audios or videos, the aim is to saturate yourself with repeatedly seeing and hearing the things that are in line with your aspirations, especially those that have achieved similar things that you want to. It increases your belief and realigns your focus back on your vision.  Whenever I begin to feel discouraged, I delve into a book or watch a video of someone I find inspirational or I’ll drive to an area where I’d want to own a home. You must reinforce your ideals regularly, it is one of the ways to keep going and remain revitalised especially when you don’t have people who can support you on your journey,yet.

One word, theme or sentence can lead you to a multitude of things and ultimately a transformation.

“He that loves reading has everything within his reach”

I was going to give you a list of books to read but I think this is something you should discover on your own. Happy discovering!

Oh before I go, it’s exactly one year to date since I started blogging yay me! Happy 1 year blogversary Lipstick and Black Coffee, onwards and upwards!

Is There A Better Time Than Now?

06 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by in Life, Motivation, Self-Development

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Is there a better time than now?

Have you ever looked back at a picture and thought ‘man things were good then’ or ‘It wasn’t even that bad’. I’m sure we all have, and pondered why we did not appreciate that period as much as we should have.

So many of us live for the future and end up missing out on the beauty of right now. We try  to schedule ‘living life’ the way we want to for another time, rather than enjoying the present moment and all it has to offer. 

We are either living in the past or living in hope of the future, whilst completely disregarding what it is immediately before us.

If there is something you want to do, do it now! and if it’s something that cannot occur immediately then prepare for it. Stop waiting on someone or something to happen before you begin to relish how good you have/had it. 

Stop thinking about what you want to do and start doing! Irrespective of how big or small it may be,make haste as tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone and any day lived is as good as it gets. 

I’ll leave you with a few quotes to ruminate over…

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years- Abraham Lincoln 

I’m less interested in why we’re here. I’m wholly devoted to while we’re here-Erika Harris 

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find out that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well-Diane Ackerman

Yes I pinched them off the internet, but they are quotes that resonate with today’s message.

Carpe Diem!

Till tomorrow…

 

What Had Happened Was…

05 Tuesday May 2015

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I have been AWOL and by no means it is that acceptable but lend me your ears for a quick moment. I have been doing a lot of deep, DEEP soul searching as to who I am and my purpose in life and I just don’t know where to go, SIKE!(Psych) Well sort of, I am in the process of reconfiguring some things behind the scenes in regards to LBC, which is taking longer than expected and hasn’t allowed me to blog as I would like. I don’t want to extend my time away even further, so instead I’ll be doing something a little bit different than usual and posting various writings, whilst I get all of my life together. I will post once a day for the next one week and it will range from storytelling to random ramblings. I hope you don’t mind…brb.

 “Screw yourself over

These are not exclusive and limited to the following

All the things you should do if you want to mess up your career, the lower position you have, the less you have to do to cock up.

  • Don’t be on time ever
  • Never and I mean never go to work events. It’s the perfect way to cement your relationship with the business and your colleagues
  • Don’t say Good Morning
  • If your colleagues offer you tea or coffee, always, always say no without giving a concrete reason as to why.
  • Don’t ask about family, the weekend; in fact never be interested in anything your colleagues say.
  • Always dress inappropriately and proposition those in higher positions, you will certainly gain respect in the industry
  • You MUST mix business and pleasure at every chance you get. If you like someone, just go for it! What have you got to lose?
  • Send abuse via email about your boss to your “friends” at work, people never get caught or fired over such things
  • Embezzle, embezzle, embezzle!
  • If you are angry or upset, attack the offender! Violent people are usually well received
  • Be a pervert and harass your colleagues, it is a great way to have a first class ticket to the sex offenders list.
  • Be a compulsive liar, people LOVE bullsh*tters.
  • Use profanity every chance you get, its acceptable in every environment.”

An excerpt from my upcoming book University is A Waste of Time © 2015 Irene Ephraim All rights reserved

Perception is Everything!

02 Thursday Apr 2015

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Perception is everything!

You often hear people say ‘Image is everything’ and to a large extent it is, but before image, is perception. Perception is what you base the image on, your previously formed idea.

Glass half full or glass half empty?

Lost possession or a chance to start afresh?

Job- Modern day slavery or the opportunity to improve the quality of life?

Sick- Wallow in self-pity or the realisation that you need to take better care of yourself?

How we view things is the mastermind behind how we do things.

For example, if we think women that are scantily clad, are highly sought after, then those that like the idea will indoctrinate it and those that disagree will not. If you think that sex is the best marketing tool and you have a product to market, what will you do? E.g Every perfume ad there is, ha! There’s usually something sex related going on, as their desire is to focus on our senses, femininity and sexuality.

Con artist come in different forms but if one in a suit walked into a bank and requested a large loan, s/he may be treated considerably different to someone wearing a tracksuit. Why? Because of the previously formed ideas about what this persons image represents to them and where it fits in in this society.

We like to size up everything, we need to be able to identify what something means to us in our world. Everything needs to quantifiable otherwise it doesn’t exist nor does it make much sense, which is why everything has a name-Logic and sensibility is our ruler. You identify me first by my name, and then everything else follows; my speech, my sense of style, my home life, my work life and so on. You begin to formulate a theory as to who I might be and how I relate to you, after this, you decide how you are going to respond to me.

So if we treat people in this manner, and act in line to how we have judged them, reflect then on how you view your life. Can we agree that how we choose to see life affects how we function?

If you had 20/20 vision and today you decided, do you know what? I fancy wearing bifocals for the next two weeks. There are a number of things that will happen, the two namely are, an impaired vision and a deficiency in ability. It wouldn’t be beneficial to you as it is for those that need bifocals everyday. For those that need it, it enhances their ability to see and therefore improves the quality of their day-to-day living, for you it is an impediment and severely reduces your ability to be effective in your everyday life.

With that said, if you are a chronic complainer or Debbie downer, what do you expect to create in your world? If all you ever point out or notice is all the negative things, what will continue to happen?

A few years ago, I went through a period of thinking that I was cursed, I had to be! The stories I could tell you, you wouldn’t want to make these up. My fortune was just abysmal or so it seemed. I have since realised that what I choose to focus on would be my fortune. You can only act in accordance to how you think, your thoughts set the motion for everything else that is to follow.

Whatever you think it is, it is, whatever you think you are, you are. If you want to change your actions then you must begin by altering your thoughts.

Tip: If you want to shift your thinking paradigm start by consciously being grateful for everything you have. What that does is train your mind to seek out the good. Just like you would condition the body to get fit, the same goes for the mind. Be good to your mind and it will be good for you.

Question for you: If your perception was a frequency what would it be picking up?

 

 

 

 

 

Oh This Thing Called ‘Wisdom’

17 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Self-Development, Thoughts in motion

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As a young child, I was somewhat a religious fanatic, no doubt as a result of my fervently praying maternal grandmother. I was the child that wanted to exceed in anything and everything I did. I would always give it 100% whether I was good at it or not, and that seems to have followed me into my adult years, albeit not with the same intensity.

I remember watching an episode of ‘The Adventures of Pete and Pete’ on Nickelodeon ( heyyyy, I had cable), and in that episode, one of the characters did everything perfectly. Naturally, this added to my ideology of being perfect and for a period of time after that, I attempted to do everything that way, especially when eating my food-I failed miserably.

At some point, I let up and decided it was ok not to be perfect, although it is still something to master, I still have many days where perfectionism is definitely my ruler.

With that said, if I was going to be a Christian then I would be the best Christian there was! I would read a chapter in the bible every night, not even remotely comprehending much of what had been written, but as it was what Christians did, I continued.  When I prayed, I would pray for the homeless and those less fortunate and incessantly ask for wisdom. I was told it was better than riches or gold and I wanted to be as wise as King Solomon. He was, from a Christian’s perspective, the wisest man of all time, and they aspired to be like him in that respect.

So as I drove home late last night from a friend’s house, (those journeys home where it’s just you, the bare roads, and your thoughts) a thought about wisdom popped into my head. In the same breath, an understanding that I had never had before, came to me.

I used to wonder why I had the kind of experiences in life that I had, and couldn’t I have just learnt it through others instead of having to go through it myself? It would have saved me a lot of pain.

The epiphany was, how was I to be wise if not by experiences that not many had encountered at such a young age? How was I to be like King Solomon, if I lacked the training that would sharpen my tools? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I or anyone who suffers greatly deserves it, I am simply acknowledging a truth for me. 

Wisdom is not necessarily attributed to age or experience alone, as maturity is down to the individual and the choice that they make to develop or not. Not every old person is wise and not all young people are stupid, however in my case, experience was and is unfortunately my best teacher (ggrrrrr).

One thing I have learnt in life is to be mindful of what you ask for. It may not come now, but it will come and you need to be certain that it is what you want.

xo