Rolling in the Deep

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It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with.

In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time.

A different perspective that I wanted to share and for you to consider is, ‘I did it, I made it, I’m getting through it’.
What you thought would break you to point of being irreparable, didn’t, because you’re resilient and powerful.
You’re made of stuff to withstand all the things life throws, and you must acknowledge that, and show lots of love, compassion and kindness to yourself. And that’s not all you did.
You consistently created something out of nothing.
You pivoted like a ballerina and landed perfectly en pointe.
You took things into your own hands, and decided everyday to keep pressing forward even when you didn’t know how.
You mourned great losses, and although it felt like the pain of it all would kill you, it fuelled you and you used to make life a little better.
You still don’t know what tomorrow holds, and yet you’re committed to living life intentionally.
It’s not easy, and there are many days that you’d like to hibernate and wish your life away, but like a butterfly, you emerge from your cocoon, and try again and again and again.
You did that.
Bravo!

Change is inevitable, and we will experience multiple transitions in our lifetime, and when another one does come, I hope you recall how graceful you were in the times before, and know that you can take this on too.
Xo

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Endless Excuses

We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are. I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming …

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WDYWM?! Episode 8–Moving On

London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.

Lean In

I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find …

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On An Island

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If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember. 

I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. 
I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of my previous work.
I was stunned, and also a little disappointed. 
Disappointed, as looking back at me were brilliant ideas, both unfinished and completed, that due to the lack of foresight and belief, I set aside.
In retrospect, I felt that I was on an island alone and in turn began to believe that I wasn’t meant to be there. I soon enough made my way back to doing the norm. I mean how dare I break the mould?

I now know that being alone, and having a vision that no one else sees or understands, is often the prerequisite for something you must do.
You’re in the right place to create something great if no one else gets it. 

Take a look around you and touch something.That something was once something unseen and was created by someone initially thought to be stupid, insane, or impractical. We have planes that can take us anywhere in the world. Marinate on that for a moment. 

If you have something in your mind that there’s no precedent for, don’t be disheartened or grow weary. Nurture, extract, build or even destroy, to make your vision happen. 
No pressure though, you don’t have to, but if you don’t someone else certainly will, so why not you? Stay focused.

Xo

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One Day You’ll Be Old

One day you will be old. At least I hope to be. As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and …

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WDYWM?! Episode 6–Unravelling

What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.

You vs Society

When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests. Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down …

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WDYWM?! Episode 5–Flights and Fights

There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.

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WDYWM?! Episode 4–Shipped and Left Behind

We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.

Bursting at the Seams.

Man, the pressure. The pressure to be and do all is immense.  I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week. The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of …

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Rolling in the Deep

It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with. In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time. A different …

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The Beginning: WDYWM?!

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The Beginning.

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?
And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot of work. Add to that work a bit of self-doubt, a nice dose of brokeness, years of winging it and voila!

Most notably is that they all started somewhere.
I say all this as a reminder for me and you, that success is not typically linear. It is often messy, and will have you second-guessing your existence and why you chose this path. The beauty in this, is that you are not alone. Millions of people go through this, so don’t lose hope or give up.

A podcast to laugh, learn and lament.

This brings me to part of the reason I have been a little bit awol of late.
You probably saw a random post two weeks ago, with no words, introduction, nothing, just an audio clip.
Well, I am happy to say that I have officially launched my podcast called ‘Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!’ and you can listen to it on Spotify (see below), Apple Podcasts and Soundcloud.

I have spent over a year figuring it out, attempting to perfect it, throwing all ideas in the bin, then picking one or two back up, dusting it off and trying, and trying and trying again. As we speak I have thrown the towel in a hundred times today because of software issues. It does not want me to be great, but I will persist!

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?! is about all the things we go through privately that in reality is a shared experience. We might look different, but we’re all connected, and this podcast aims to bridge that gap by telling as it is.

The first episode of WDYWM is about ‘Grief’. Sadly many of us are experiencing this or will at some point in the distant future, and I share my experience and thoughts on navigating through this.

I truly appreciate your readership, and would love to have your listening ears too. I hope you enjoy listening.
Please do rate, share and comment. Thank you!
Xo

LATEST POSTS

On An Island

If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember.  I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of …

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WDYWM?! Episode 2—The Time I Knew

We all have an internal GPS that guides us. Taking heed however, is a different matter altogether. This story is about a situ-lationship, that went on for entirely too long because I ignored myself and listened to others.

Success–A One Size Fits All?

I have a gripe. For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me. Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in? …

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Success–A One Size Fits All?

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I have a gripe.
For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me.
Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in?

Such remarks irk me, because whilst its well-meaning, it actually diminishes the individual, their choices and their offerings to the world, rather than the intended opposite.
It places unnecessary pressure for that person to perform and meet the invisible-ever-moving goal post of success. Not for them mind you, for other people’s pleasure. Ultimately, the underlying message is, you’re not good enough. Whew!

What could that do to a person’s self-esteem over a period of time? I’m sure some of you can relate, as you’ve had similar comments made about you.
And if we’re not vigilant, we can very easily slip into a deep abyss of unworthiness and a perpetual feeling of failure, that is hard to climb out of.

Success to me on some days, is waking up in time to attend my virtual french lesson at 7am. On other days it’s me being consistent with what I set out to do. Right now though, it’s me loving my life exactly as it is, curveballs, uncomfortable bits, confusion and all.

What is success to you void of outside influences? When you reflect, and come into the awareness of who you truly are, is whatever you are doing, in alignment?

I strongly believe in every person deciding for themselves, what’s for them, what isn’t, what success looks like and what it doesn’t.
We’ve all been trained to think of things as one way, and anything contrary to that is considered unacceptable, and that’s simply not true. There are so many shapes and sizes, and if you are a star, trying to be a square is unfair and harmful to you.

A mum was explaining how her baby decided to defecate as soon as the nappy came off. She laughed at it and then did the needful. The baby, obviously unaware of what they did, will continue to do as babies do.
How freeing? To do whatever you want, however you want and be accepted?
Just imagine if we allowed ourselves to be as free as babies are, to do whatever feels natural to us and be accepted as is…
It goes without saying that this does not mean descend into anarchical behaviour, as every action has a reaction, but outside that, the possibilities of who we could be and the lives we could lead are bountiful and endless.

To me, you being here, reading this post is proof of you as a success, but again, my opinion doesn’t mean much. Yours does though.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

The Beginning: WDYWM?!

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot …

Continue reading

Protect Your Peace

I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health. So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. But all hope is not lost.  Protecting your peace and …

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Take Care Of It Now

Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense. You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone …

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Crystal Clear

You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that. Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t? In the past, I struggled with this. I …

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Protect Your Peace

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I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health.

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. 
But all hope is not lost. 

Protecting your peace and following your bliss means taking risks. Big ones. Ones that scare the crap out of you, that turn your stomach, and make you second guess yourself. Ones, that there is no looking back. Yes, those ones. 
Could it be murky, scary, dark initially? Possibly. It could also be liberating, beautiful, freeing and life-changing.

‘Oh but I don’t know what’ll happen…’ Darling, we never know. The idea that we can guarantee results is wishful. We’re always wishful, with our thoughts, words and actions, and sometimes we hit the mark and other times we miss it entirely. But do we not try because we cannot ensure it? No! We do it anyway. 

And I don’t use wishful to be flippant, but as it’s defined by ‘having or expressing a desire or hope for something to happen’.

Our life is our responsibility. We can no longer hold onto what our parents did or didn’t do. That has passed. What will you do about making your life, a life that you do not want to run away from or hate?

Whatever you stay in or give to, that does not cultivate your best self will continuously break you down. Choose differently.
Be radical with redesigning your life and protecting your peace.
There will always be something happening, you cannot keep waiting for the ‘right’ moment–the ‘right’ moment is whenever you decide to move.

Xo

P.s I think it’s wonderful that February started on a Monday and will end on a Sunday.

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Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

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The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

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Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

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In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

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Take Care Of It Now

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Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense.

You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone and you haven’t done it yet. You set new dates and times, and still do not take care of it. This cycle is repeated, until one day, all hell breaks loose, and you absolutely have no other choice but to deal with it.

This was me in 2017. It was time to let go of my car, but I did not want to.
On the things that I have accomplished that I still relish till today, the ability to drive is in my top 3. I love the freedom it gives me.
I go on a date and he’s acting weird? I hop in my car and zoom off (I have done this way too many times lol)
I want to hit up 4 locations in one night? I hop in my car and zoom off.
I want to drive to Wales for 24 hours? I hop in my car and zoom off.
Need to do a massive food shop at various places? I hop in my car and zoom off.
I do not have to wait on anyone or ask for permission, and I love it!

Me, sitting the car I am getting next 🙂

Can you see how letting go of my car was a challenge.
There is a saying, those who can’t hear must feel, and boy did I feel it.
Between June and September of that year, there were 3 car accidents. Did you hear me? I said THREE?! Who with years of experience finds themselves in that position? W-H-O?! These incidents were unnatural.
I am thankful that I and no one else was hurt, but I. was. pissed!

The message was loud and clear, it was time for it to go. At that point, I didn’t even care, get thee far away from me!
I learnt a huge lesson in doing things in a timely fashion. It could have cost me so much more…

It might not even make sense what you have to do, but do it!
If there is something you have been putting on the back burner, now is the time to deal with it. Take out the paperwork, read it, call up the bank, pay for life insurance, speak to that estranged person, register your business, start your YouTube channel, whatever it is, take care of it whilst you still have a choice.

Xo

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First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

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2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

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Good Choices

What choices have you made was a question I was asked today. I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite. I …

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Crystal Clear

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You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that.

Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t?

In the past, I struggled with this. I could immediately think of what I didn’t want, and conjure up all manner of weird, scary, hypothetical things that could go wrong, but to be clear & visualise what I do want, I had to dig deep. As soon as I came into that awareness, I knew I had to fix it.

If you cannot make believe in your mind first, then there’s very little chance that you will experience it in reality. How can you create something you have not first pictured?

Notice your thoughts and practice building the picture.
Let’s pick something typical, like a house. What style of house? Detached, semi-detached? Is there a gate or garden? How many floors and rooms are there? Who lives there with you? and so on. Go as far as you’d like.
In this doing this, which might seem silly, you are training your mind to take you to the place visually with ease AND it develops your decision making skills.
You know what you want, have a point of reference, and direction.

Now more than ever, we have to use our imagination to get us through to the other side.
Think about it, everything we see, was once in someone’s mind. Everything around us, was once make believe. Imagine that?!

Perhaps you’ve been thinking that you have no control. This is your sign that you do and that there is something simple that you can do right now. You can use tools like a pen and paper, or mood and vision boards to help flesh out and define your ambitions.
I personally love writing (obviously) in a notebook, or notes on my phone, or putting pictures in my vision book, or meditating in the shower. Use whatever you like.

Whenever I use pictures, I always write the quality, characteristic, or feeling that I would like.

It’s Saturday, and a perfect time to imagine. Have fun with it!

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Tier Me To Pieces

Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?  Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.I’m convinced Boris …

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Yours or Mine?

Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you?  Are you sure?  Are YOU sure? Just checking.  I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d …

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A Little Joy

I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!? Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As …

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