Posted in WDYWM Podcast
What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.
07 Thursday Jan 2021
Posted in Experiences, Life
Nothing was the same.
Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before.
And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch.
We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from tectonic plate shifting moments in history, such as this.
Conspire with life. Form an alliance that you will do your best, and it will do the same to support you and your endeavours.
The dawn of a new era is upon us, and the ground is fertile.
Are you up for the task?
Xo
33 held so much for me. I felt like I couldn’t fully exhale for a few reasons.Give or take the inaccuracies of reported history, Jesus was 33 when he ascended. My late friend was also 33 when he ascended. And a small part of me had come to anticipate that this too could be my …
The constant chatter is overwhelming. One person says this, another person says that. Your mum says it’s this way, your brother says it’s the other. Then there’s the people who love to be contrarian with no actual thoughts of their own, just adept at piggybacking off what a group of people might agree upon and finding a …
One day you’re fine, life is good and the air is filled with prospects that you could almost pluck them like the squiggly lines you see when you look at a blue sky. The following day however, you’re freezing your bits off, your umbrella is inside out and the contents of your bag have just …
Improbable–not likely to be true or to happen.I saw a TikTok of a guy doing the improbable. Getting two basketballs into a hoop using a crutch, throwing a CD into a moving Wii console, releasing ping pong balls with the aim of reaching various points and so on. It was fascinating to watch. In a different …
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31 Thursday Dec 2020
Posted in Life
Tags
2020, 2021, Celebration, Flying Cars, life, New Years Eve, Pandemic, Robots, The Simpsons, Therapy, Virus
Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.
When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.
We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.
Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.
I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.
As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox
Sometimes, it is necessary to look back. I randomly came across email exchanges from 14 years ago. What I saw shocked, embarrassed and made me laugh until tears fell. My verbal communication was abysmal. How did anyone ever engage in written conversation with me? and furthermore why? Were they nuts?! I didn’t go looking for …
Treat it like an exam. This came to me at 7:46am this morning. I was pondering on the how’s of a particular thing. I quickly snapped out of it like a Raven Baxter premonition because the ‘how’ is none of my business. The ‘do’ is where it’s at. And by do, that means doing it …
The New Year is fast approaching, and it’s the time many people begin to reflect and go over the year. It’s at this point that people panic and have great anxiety over what they did or didn’t do and resolve to do better…in the new year.Why wait, when you can get a headstart now. One …
Joy is usually reserved for the ‘big’ moments. Moments like a new car, house, engagement, pregnancy, job and the like. It’s also solely thought of as something that is given to you, rather than something you can cultivate for yourself. This is where Little Pockets of Joy comes in. I believe in en•joy•ment of the …
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28 Monday Dec 2020
Posted in Life
Tags
2020, 2021, Boris Johnson, Disappointment, Late night, Livelihood, Lockdown, London, new year, Pandemic, Pivot, Prime Minister, Quarantine, Responsibility, South East, Tier 4, Tier 5, Win
Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?
Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.
I’m convinced Boris hates his constituents.
Everything, is too little, too late.
I understand that this is brand new for all of us, including the government. The difference however, is that they have access to experts in every field to guide them on how to best manage the pandemic and people, along with their expectations, well-being, and livelihoods.
Also, we’re all privy to seeing how other countries have dealt with efficacy. For goodness sake, take notes!
Clear messaging creates clear expectation, which avoids disappointment.
We all hate what this pandemic has done, but it’s the management of it all that’s one of most challenging things about it.
The messaging has been unclear, impractical, and simply cannot be trusted.
The ping ponging of our physical, emotional and mental well-being is what is taking a huge toll on everyone. Its our lives in the balance— double entendre intended.
I watched this video a little while back (see below) and this principle, is one way to effectively manage things in difficult and unprecedented times.
If anyone knows the PM, please direct him to this post.
Thanks, management.
That’s my little rant over. Back to us.
For us as individuals, we have a responsibility to ourselves. We cannot afford to rely on the elected to make decisions that support us.
So in this transformational period, pivot.
This has been my saving grace. When plans do not work out, I work with what’s working, I look at the alternatives, I face what’s immediately in front of me not months ahead, I control what I can control, and leave the rest.
Standing in one spot and allowing life to happen to us in every aspect is only going to pull us further and further away from our nirvana.
Shift your focus and pool your energy into a penetrable cause. Think of yourself as an athlete, say a tennis or basketball player or even a footballer. Consider how they constantly look for the opportunity to win. That’s what we can do too, win.
N.B Everyone’s winning is different.
…And I have every faith that as resilient and buoyant people, we will recover, like always.
Xo
Promise– the quality of potential excellence.Possibilities– a thing that may happen or be the case. That we get to be here and experience a new week full of promise and possibilities is magical. I love that for us. Who knows what wonderful, delightful thing may happen to and for us. The promise within that, makes me …
Successful 1. accomplishing a desired aim or result. 2. having achieved fame, wealth, or social status. The media will have you believe that houses, cars, money, having a partner, and followers are the epitome of success. We inherently know this isn’t true, yet we still uphold them as markers of significant value. We yearn to have …
When I thought of today’s word, I’d already accepted that I had very little of it. Routines and monotony are not my strong suits. And then I looked up the definition and I was surprised. It’s shifted my perspective and has given me food for thought. We use discipline to strictly imply no stick-to-it-ness, but it’s official meaning …
Ego–A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.A slippery slope or protective armour? I’d it’s both. It’s also described as the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. The ego is accused of many things, namely in negative outcomes, …
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10 Thursday Dec 2020
Posted in Experiences, Life
Tags
2020, Achievement, Aspirations, Business, dreams, Famous, Fitness, Goal, lifestyle, Lockdown, Magazine, Marriage, Quarantine, Socially acceptable, travel, Wedding
Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you?
Are you sure?
Are YOU sure?
Just checking.
I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively.
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.
Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it.
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.
I want my own business- do you really?
I want a huge wedding- do you really?
I want to be a billionaire- do you really?
I want this body type- do you really?
I want to be famous- do you really?
How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?
One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up.
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.
But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.
Bisou xo
When the sky cries and the sun smiles, a ray of colourful light is a reminder of their alliance; to dance always. Easeful–Providing comfort or peace.Nature gives me that. It works in order, at its own pace void of who, what, where and when. Trees do not struggle to grow nor wonder how will they grow, …
1.11.21 I love the first day of the month, especially when it lands on a Monday. For each day this week I’ll be posting a word to ponder on. Today’s word is:Detach 1. disengage (something or part of something) and remove it.2. leave or separate oneself from (a group or place). For me, this means letting go of …
I made myself stupid. Hear me out. Years ago, because of an unhealthy level of expectation I placed on myself (which stemmed from comparison), I would harshly judge what I said and how I said it. I would go over every minute detail and pick myself apart mentally, with the underlying message being you’re not …
This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.
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03 Thursday Dec 2020
Posted in Lessons Learnt, Life
Tags
2020, Celebration, Christmas, Christmas Decor, France, happiness, inspiration, joy, life, Lockdown, Love, Motivation, Paris, Quarantine
I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?
Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!
This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.
Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.
We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.
That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?
A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)
The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!
My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
xo
Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life. To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve. …but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison. Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re …
A video of Kim K came across my sight over the weekend. It was her on SNL. I watched it and it dawned on me that I have no idea what she and her family were up to these days. It’s fascinating what can change once you set your eyes on something entirely different. I regularly …
I visited the Musée Yves Saint Laurent on Sunday and was re-energised by what I saw. For the designer, it was more than just clothes that looked good, it was art, curated by passion, breaking moulds and forging new ways to be seen and felt. As I perused his wears, studied the fabrics, observed the …
The feeling of a crisp Monday morning cannot be replicated by any other day of the week. It’s full of both promise and dread in equal amounts. What will it bring? What will I have to tackle? What joy will I experience? What task might feel too great? And whilst you marinate on it, you’ll …
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26 Thursday Nov 2020
Posted in Lessons Learnt, Life
Tags
2020, Adult, Discipline, Future, growth, Hurt, inspire, Lesson, life, Love, Motivation, Opinions, Pain, Relationships, Thirties, Tips, travel, Twenties
My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.
For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.
“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:
I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?
Xo”
And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won. Whew! Returning to the blog after an unplanned period away, is like that first day at the gym after falling off for months. It takes a whole lot to get there. On this occasion, the distance was due to Covid. …
Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post. Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. …
Face your front is a commonly known Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time. How much further along might you be if you pull backed some …
Adulting, need I say more? If you could opt out, at least for a period of time, would you take it? This episode is about the realities of adulthood.
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03 Tuesday Nov 2020
Posted in Life
Tags
2020, Election, England, France, Growing Pains, Lockdown, Monday Motivation, Pandemic, Presidential, Sad, Transition, vision
I have been drafting this post for weeks, and with each passing day I say I’m going to finish it and click publish.
My perfectionism has had a firm grip on me, and it’s baby, procrastination, has been tap dancing all around me, however, I— I think today is D-Day.
It’s fortuitous as our friends stateside near the end of the presidential election, and my family and friends in England are preparing for a lockdown and I, well, I’m already in a lockdown in France. It’s all systems go and transitions of all sorts are afoot.
Transitions can be ugly, messy and traumatic. Even the beautiful and welcomed ones can still be difficult and sad.
I think it’s safe to say that we’re all experiencing a transition period of varying degrees, consisting of upheavals, rapid change, deep losses and lots of growing pains.
Naturally, there’ll be emotions that come up as you go through this phase, but don’t dismiss or suppress them as they surface. Allow them to breathe and work through them.
By doing this, you’re clearing the way and getting rid of the gunk in a healthier fashion and in turn making space to think clearly, and direct your energy where you truly want it.
Trust me, I get it. There is so much going on and it’s challenging to sift out what is for you and useful, and what isn’t.
With this in mind, what has become increasingly clear over the past few months is the power of words. And in this era of instant send and receive, it is crucial to own and use language that is not only yours, but in cultivating the circumstances you want to bring to life.
So be intentional. Create a haven for yourself with whatever you have. Envision something greater and keep going—You’ve made it this far, you’ll get through this too!
Xo
P.s I am still not entirely pleased with this post. The words just lack synergy, it feels gritty, but the aim is progress, not perfection.
It didn’t work. Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt? We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now. I often go back to what I was like as a child. …
We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are. I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming …
London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.
I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find …
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24 Thursday Sep 2020
Posted in Lessons Learnt, Life
The ground is fertile.
Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.
All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.
There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.
Xo
P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.
21 Questions about relationships, who would I swap lives with, being the president of a country, greatest fears and more.
One day you will be old. At least I hope to be. As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and …
What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.
When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests. Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down …
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08 Tuesday Sep 2020
Posted in Experiences, Lessons Learnt
A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.
I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.
The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.
Xo
There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.
We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.
Man, the pressure. The pressure to be and do all is immense. I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week. The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of …
We all have a part to play in the health, quality and longevity of our friendships. In today’s episode I speak on a friendship that was severed for 5 years, how we came back together, and what it ultimately taught me.
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lipstickandblackcoffee 