• About

lipstickandblackcoffee

~ Be Live It

lipstickandblackcoffee

Tag Archives: decision

I Could, I Should, I Might?

Featured

Posted by I.Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Aha Moment, Apartment, belief, Better, Black Coffee, choice, Confusion, decision, Direction, energy, fear, growth, House, inspire, life, Lipstick, London, Mistakes, Oprah, Progress, progression, relationships, Rent, Stress

cc5a9b14-ac0b-48cd-87a3-7f751557ba9eI have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better.

Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out.

I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple of years which technically isn’t a problem. The distinction here is that I had no clarity on any of it. I would umm and ahh over everything, and I do mean everything.

I couldn’t decide if I was coming or going. Do I want to live in London or Manchester? Do I want to travel to a different country and work there or stay here? Do I want to buy a house or rent one? Do I want live in an apartment or a semi detached house? Do I want this type of job or to not work in this field at all? Do I want to be in a relationship or not? And this conversation continued in almost every area of my life. It stayed that way up until recently when I had a durh or as Oprah would say an ‘aha’ moment.

No wonder I had been stressed out and felt utterly unaccomplished, I had no idea what I truly wanted. I flip flopped out of fear of making a decision that would cost me. I didn’t want to unduly suffer again for a terrible choice I made, but guess what that meant? I didn’t do anything.

I had no clear sense of direction and therefore could not confidently take action towards anything, and that ultimately resulted in little to no result.

The lesson here is if you’re in a period of confusion and not knowing what way to go, just pick one. We spend a lot of time trying to avoid past mistakes but sometimes that leads to inaction and frustration, not to mention wasted energy.

The point of living is to live and that cannot happen if you’re second guessing everything. The only thing happening by doing that is building fear muscles and we certainly don’t want that.

Get clear on what you want and stick to it. It’s almost impossible to move forward without having an idea of what it is you want, how do you expect the universe to help you out when you keep giving her mixed signals?

Take a chance today and make a choice. Even if it doesn’t work out how you imagined, you still would have learned something you didn’t know before and that believe it or not is progression.

Xo

‘Bad Energy Stay Far Away’

Featured

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

action, choice, Cut, decision, energy, Family, Friday, friends, inspiration, lifestyle, Motivation, Negative, Positivity, vision

🗣 It’s Friday, Whoomp there it is!

facetune_05-10-2018-10-28-55

When you think about it, it’s a terrible way to think about Friday, because what does that say about your life in general?

Anyway we’re working on creating the life we want whilst appreciating the one we have aren’t we?

The other day I spoke about disengaging and in the few days of doing so, it has immensely improved my energy levels and morale.

You see now that I’m not easily exposed and available to things and people, my interactions are much more purposeful and intentional. There isn’t that unnecessary noise that comes my way just because it can and removing this has been vital. The perspective I want to have has been fortified by simply clearing the crap.

I think that’s something I’ve learnt from my parents, that’s it not always about reinventing the wheel, but working with what you have. You don’t have to wait for ‘something’, the something is here, it’s now, it’s in your face.                 

img_4595

Side note: I’m writing this on my way into a work and this is my current position. In my attempt to take a picture to show you, my flash was on. LOL how embarrassing! Dummy.

Effectively, immediately, take control over the things that are no longer serving you well and cut them out, even if it’s temporary, so that you can make room for the things that will.

You’ll most likely feel anxious about it and second guess your decision, do it anyway. You’ll thank yourself and me (hopefully lol).

Xo

P.s The things I cut out are WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram.

90 Days

Featured

Posted by I.Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

90 days, Autumn, choice, decision, life, lifestyle, Monday, Motivation, New week, new year, October, Winter

Pinch Punch its the First of the Month!

Can you believe it’s October already? How??

It must be a getting older thing, because I don’t remember time flying by like this when I was a child, but then again what did I know?

With that being said, what’s the plan for the rest of the year? Or have you given up on it? Please don’t, there is still time for you to change things around.

I get it, for some of you it has been a tough year and you just want a do over, and you can have that, but only if you want to.

It’s about choice. You get to choose how you respond to the things happening in your life, and your choices are a catalyst for what you experience next.

Having this in mind, what could you do differently to get a different result? Make it drastic, let it be so unusual for you, that it makes you feel uncomfortable and scares you a little bit.

One of the quickest ways to get better at anything is by doing more, faster. Don’t drag it out, even if it makes your stomach churn as mine is doing right now (I have a big decision to make), you’ll be better for it.

You have 90 days left till the end of year, you’ve got this!

Xo

Where’s Your Head At?

Featured

Posted by I.Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blogger, challenge, choice, decision, Different, Experiences, Fight, Mindset, Monday, Motivation, Persistence, Positive, Speaker, Work, writer

A few months back there was a big boxing match that I wanted to watch and for the life of me I can’t recall who was fighting now because it was so so dry.

Usually when big boxing matches are coming up, my friends and I look for a venue to watch it at, however we can never quite get it together and it’s always by some stroke of luck that we find somewhere at the very last minute.

Anyway this fight was coming up and I was completely over the palaver of trying find somewhere. Nope, not doing it. I am not looking for a place, a vibe, a nothing, but, I still had the issue of wanting to watch the fight, so what do I do? Then it hit me, ‘Irene, pay for it and watch it at home DURH!’. That’s what anyone with common sense would do, right? Except I was so used to having the mind frame of watching it with others, in their space and on their dollar that it never ever occurred to me that I could just pay for it myself and watch it in the comfort of my own home, without the hassle. Genius idea.

It might sound minute to you, but it shocked the hell out of me because I hadn’t realised that even in something as small as this I had become conditioned to think about some things in a way that was limiting my experiences. Needless to say I paid for it, watched it in bed and after the boring fight was over, fell right asleep, perfect.

It took me making a different choice to encourage me to have a different experience.

What old ways do you have that is limiting your experiences? What could you take responsibility for? What different choice could you make that might lead to a different experience?

The people who get uncommon results do uncommon things. Break your mould and do something you wouldn’t normally and yes sometimes doing that will be difficult and challenges will arise, push through anyway and do it.

I did a presentation last week in front of a whole directorate and I was shitting myself. They couldn’t tell though but I was so sure I was making an arse of myself. It was my first time doing something of that kind and trust me when I say all sorts of challenges cropped up in the lead up to it but I expected that because that’s what happens when you want soemthing. I seriously considered dropping out at the last minute and said to myself, ‘Irene why did you say you’d do it?’. But guess what? It was well received and my colleague and I had lots of positive, reaffirming feedback.

It was also a huge learning curve and built my character and skills, yet if I had quit, I’d never have that.

Its a new week, do something different and see how it goes. Whether you win or lose, you learn from it- you still win.

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

04 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by I.Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Blessing, choice, Create, decision, experience, Failures, Foresight, Goals, Lessons, life, Mistakes, Monday, Motivate, Test, Trials

You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff.

I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up.

I am kicking myself because I am so sure that I shouldn’t be in this position. I should have known it wasn’t a great idea, I should have left when I was supposed to, I should not have committed even just a little bit if I knew that I would not go the distance, I should have had the foresight to see what could go wrong, and the rhetoric goes on and on and on.

Needless to say, that particular dialogue is unhelpful, in fact it’s rather useless. I have two options; continue with that line of thought or be pragmatic about it. I, although challenging to do, have chosen the latter.

When things don’t go as expected, it’s very easy to wallow and sing woe is me, however it’s much more work to will yourself to see the upside and press forward.

In evolving forward, a good place to start is by taking responsibility for the part you have played. Think about what you did, what effects did it have? Was it positive or negative? What are the ramifications?  Get a full picture of what has taken place. You see, the mess isn’t necessarily created in that instant, it’s usually prepped and primed beforehand, meaning there are things we have done that contributed to what we now experience.

But, let’s be honest, we’re all winging this thing called life. We’re figuring it out as we go along, making mistakes, failing, falling, and everything else in between, yet those are the very things that can propel us forward to something even better. A chance to grow and be great is, irrespective of our circumstances, a blessing.

Embrace the things that cause you to question yourself and re-evaluate your choices as that will lead you (should you choose) to something worthwhile.

Okay, I’m going now, I have some figuring out to do but I’ll be back soon enough. Until then, *sings* goodbye my lover, I mean have a super sexy week ahead! Yes I said super sexy 🙂

Xo

You’ve got issues!

11 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

angel, Beyonce, decision, devil, issues, power, problem, secrets, solution, trust

Isn’t it amazing how we could have all the answers to everyone else’s problem but for our own we have nothing?!

We can provide a full break down about everything they need to do and even how to do it, but in our own case, its crickets and tumbleweed.

Why is that? Why do we find it difficult to come up with solutions to the problems of our own doing? And further still, should we come up with a solution, we second-guess it. Roll. My. Eyes.

Trust, we have trust issues. We’ve made the wrong move before and it now causes us to doubt everything. It’s the old ‘Angel vs Devil’ scenario and who wins in some cases? The lil’ red bugger.

Do I flip flop around my solutions? 100% I sit there and go back and forth on a decision, which simply heightens the stress I undergo.

The strength however is in sticking to your decision and going full throttle with it, void of it working out or not. It’s the quickest way to finding a resolution.

As cliché as this may sound, you’ve got the power. I don’t doubt for one second that you and I have the ability to turn around our circumstances, if only we would make a clear decision and go for it. What’s the worst that could happen? Okay sure, there are a number of things that could go wrong but on the other side of that coin are just as many things that could go right, the prospect is equal.

You’ve made it this far, even with the ‘mistakes’ you believe you’ve made, give yourself a bit more credit.

If its advice you require, be sure to seek it from those with the expertise. I am re-reading ‘The Richest Man in Babylon’ and reiterated to me the importance of getting guidance from those who have already done it. Now who has Beyoncé’s number? I need to speak to ask her a few things…lol.

Last thing, limit the amount of people you confide in when making the decision or having made the decision, too many cooks spoil the broth. You’d be surprised how many people will inadvertently place their insecurities onto you.

One of the secrets to anything lasting or being successful is silence. I’ve had an insurmountable amount of peace, keeping certain things to myself-Trust me.

 

Change is imminent, Change is constant ,Change is a personal decision.

03 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

change, choice, decision, life, progression, yes

Have you ever tried to change someone? How well did it work out for you?

I’m sure we have all had that person or maybe been that person that has spent a great deal of energy complaining about someone’s action or inaction and wanting them to fix their ways. I know I’ve done so in the past, yet it changed absolutely nothing, if anything it aggravated the situation further and increased the level of frustration I endured every time I spoke about it.

The truth is this, you can only be responsible for yourself. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again, it’s a difficult task in itself to change your life neither mind that of another being- Change is a personal decision.

The best thing you can do is to focus on your conduct and how you choose to respond in any situation, “how people treat you is their karma and how you react is yours”.

Now that I’m a bit more disciplined and experienced, if I don’t like it, I’m changing it and if I can’t change it then my attitude towards the subject changes, either way something will change!

I did a bit of a film binge watch over the weekend and I re-watched ‘Enough’ starring Jennifer Lopez . Here is a woman who was prepared to risk her life for her and her child to be free of her ‘monster’ of a husband. She was not willing to accept the hand that had been dealt to her and made the effort to change her circumstances. Now I’m not saying “accidentally” kill your husband, what I am saying is there is always another way to better, to more, if only you would just try.

It starts with understanding that you have the ability to change it and then making the effort towards that change. You can choose to be a victim or a victor, the choice is always yours.

P.S. How many times did I write the word ‘change’ ? :s

Words, weapons of mass destruction?

11 Monday May 2015

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

arsenal, build, decision, destroy, language, power, weapon, wise, words

Hope you had a great weekend, mine was fairly busy but good all the same! 

So in continuing on with the 1 post for the next 7 days (which by default excluded the weekend 🙂 )here is todays preamble.

I had a pretty crap morning and I don’t know about you but sometimes when things don’t go accordingly, I think about EVERYTHING that isn’t right (Very bad habit). This naturally puts you in a negative space, well this was me earlier on. My mind was racing and I was inducing self inflicted stress. The mind is a powerful entity, that ironically must be minded. I knew I had to get out of this funk and quickly, today’s solution was much needed rest. 

Protect what goes in and out of your mind and through your mouth. One thing I have learnt and occasionally the hard way is that the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me’ is an absolute fallacy lol. Occasionally I have been the culprit, but more often than not the recipient. It’s not restricted to what you say to someone or what is said to you, but also what you tell/call yourself.

‘You’re too fat, you’re too skinny, you’re ugly, you’re a failure, you’ll never make it, you’re too dark, your nose is big, your sibling is better than you, no one will ever want you’ and so on. We’ve probably heard some of these words and said some whether in jest or seriously and not known of the effects they have on the individual for many years after.

I’m pretty sure we can all remember that one thing someone said to us that has shaped us today, either positively or negatively, that we have never forgotten. See how powerful words are? 

I remember constantly being told “You’re so dark” in a tone that revealed their contempt, dark usually inferred unattractive . Being quiet young at the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but as I got older, the picture was clear, light was right and dark wasn’t. Fortunately, this was one thing that didn’t manage to stick, although there were many close calls. The sad part is that these people are unaware of the aftermath of their words and will never know. 

Callous words are like gum under a table, it sticks, becomes hardened and turns black over time. There’s a reason gum shouldn’t be swallowed…

Of course, you cannot always know what someone may find offensive, all you can do is be conscientious of the words you utter, as they’re creating realities. 

Words influence, words build, words destroy, so use them discerningly. That’s not to say you can no longer be honest, by all means be honest , but choose your arsenal carefully.

The next time you have something to say think to yourself, stumbling block or building block? Let that inform your decision. 

It’s everybody else’s fault!(Part 1)

02 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Alan Sugar, choice, decision, everyone, improve, life, power, self

It is everybody else’s fault!

Ha! What a statement! Ever been around someone where all these awful things happen to them and you’re wondering what are they doing with their lives to attract such crappy circumstances then after a while it dawns on you…the reason why this happens, is because of them.

Most times when a person tells their account of events, they tend to omit the part they played or mitigate their actions and therein lies part of the problem. For example, you have a person that is always late but somehow it’s never their fault, ample preparation and time management discipline will fix that.

The blame culture we live in, points the finger at everybody and everything else but them. This encouraged behaviour is self crippling and depreciating. I used to be that person above, the craziest things would “just happen to me” and I would lament and regurgitate the story to anyone who wanted to listen until I reached a point.

After being plagued with several less than conducive situations, I decided something had to give. I made the choice to figure out a way to live differently and there began my turning point. It was during this period, that I realised I had the ability to control to a large degree the experiences I was having in life, by making better choices.

Choice is a very powerful thing and when used in a deliberate way, the standard of life you live can be greatly improved upon. There is a strong sense of ownership and accountability when you acknowledge that YOU can affect this situation saying to yourself “What can I do to change this around?” as opposed to “it’s because of this, that or she did it”. Notice how in the last statement it has nothing to do with you, so in your mind there is NO thing you can do about it and you’ll end up just sitting there “lamenting and regurgitating” the chain of events rather than doing something to change the event.  When you accrue whatever has happened to completely being someone or something else’s fault or responsibility, you in that moment relinquish yourself of any power and right to do something about it.

Ill provide a brief example; let’s look at The Lord Sugar or more commonly known as Alan Sugar, who was from a poor background. In his time you were simply expected to follow in your parent’s footsteps and you were almost resigned to that legacy no matter what it was. However, he chose a different path and created his own rules, which yielded a wealth of knowledge, experience and profit. Assuming he accepted what was immediately before him and blamed his parents for not being able to greatly improve their circumstances, or that in the environment he was raised in, you were confined to doing what everybody else did, and to remain poverty stricken, then we would not know of Alan Sugar as he is.

Another popular situation is this, someone has proven to be detrimental to your life in every sense of the word yet you continue to give them the grace and benefit of someone that is purposeful to you. By now, it has been established that this person does not have the capacity to be a good addition to your life and affairs, why would YOU then continue to repeat this pattern? This, you must realise is entirely your choice, your action and subsequently, your consequences. This is no longer their responsibility, it is now yours as you only have control over what you do and how you respond.

How you think about yourself, who you permit in your presence, your happiness, your financial disposition, the type of people you attract, the circumstances you find yourself in, is ultimately your decision.  Many people complain about being unhappy in a job, relationship, or dysfunctional family situations and spend a lifetime talking about it but doing absolutely nothing about it. They fail to realise that in some cases the outcome is in direct relation to the choice they made. The job you don’t like, guess what you accepted it, the relationship you are unhappy in- you committed to it, the family dysfunction-you contributed to it- get my drift?

In order to change something, you must first introspect and examine where your focus is and what actions you take on a regular basis to cause such reactions. If you disapprove of them, don’t blame xyz, but instead do something about it and change it!

It is imperative that if you want to enhance your life you also need to be conscious of what you feed yourself on a daily basis and by that I mean what you chose to watch, listen to or surround yourself with. As the saying goes show me your friends and Ill tell who you are which in a lot of cases rings true as you tend to attract what you are.

When you hear, speak or repeat something enough, you with time become that very same thing. If you are constantly telling yourself unconstructive things then without fail you will find yourself in situations that are not productive. For example, “I’m broke, I never have any money, I can’t do this, I hate Mondays, men are stupid, women are deceptive, my parents didn’t do anything for me…” and so on. Repeating such statements, contributes to the kind of experiences you have. Anything with a negative or positive connotation has the ability to shape your life.

I believe there isn’t anything that is unattainable just look around you, everything you see was once a thought in a person’s mind, so whatever it is you want to do, use your choice to make a decision and act on it. Refrain from making excuses because news flash it’s hard for everyone.

If you are not yet competent at making better decisions-practice! Might sound odd to say practice but it makes sense. If you are a football player, a film maker, or a motivational speaker, regardless of whether or not you are gifted in these areas, you must practice in order to get better; the same applies to your life! Practice making better choices, quicker impactful decisions, the qualities you want to have, whatever it is that you aim to achieve, practice. Not everything is an innate ability and will have to be a learned behaviour.

Remember that the process might be slow and steady which is perfectly fine, as long as you commit to it, you will get there.

So in closing this first part, they say you are what you eat like I say you are what you repeat!

Signed LBC

PS it’s not every day follow, sometimes take the lead…

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014

Categories

  • Creative Writing
  • Dreams
  • Experiences
  • Fashion and Style
  • Late night
  • Less Talk
  • Lessons Learnt
  • Life
  • love
  • Manifest
  • More Action
  • Motivation
  • relationships
  • Thoughts in motion
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized
  • Young and Dumb

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel