Tag Archives: depression

Bursting at the Seams.

Featured

Posted by in Experiences, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Man, the pressure. 
The pressure to be and do all is immense. 

I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.
To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week.

The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of all I have to do resurfaces.
Waves of overwhelm come and go, and I think ‘Shit, already? It’s not even Monday yet!’.
The urge to stay under a blanket increases.

‘One thing at a time Irene’, I hear myself say. Seconds later, I deflate like a popped balloon, releasing all the pressure, expectations and dread I was filled with. 
Yes, you’re right, one thing at a time. 

The way many of us live, even with mindfulness, is unnatural. In fact, some of us use mindfulness to fuel us in making the 101 things we think we should be doing, feel ‘sustainable’.
But we’re not robots, even though much of society expects us to be.

Look at what 2019 till date has shown us. The planet (conspiracy theories and all), told us to sit in the corner and do not move. And yet so many of us are eager to get back to living lives that we despised and our bodies hated. 

Speed: Slo-mo x 2.0. That’s the setting we need to be on more, at least whilst we figure out what we respectively want for ourselves.

For me, I recognise harmony is important, and part of that means not being resistant to the flow of my life and allowing it to guide what I do. Resistance equals dis-ease, discomfort, and frustration.

In the past, whenever I realised that I was using all of my might to make something to happen, I would stop and do nothing. And every single time I did that, my needs were still met, things worked as it should, and life continued.
I’m always a little amazed at what occurs for and around me without my forceful input. 
Granted, it’s not easy to release control, but in such moments, that is what is best.

The earth, without our input, works beautifully and in order. There is no force or great struggle.
It’s us humans, who are always in a hurry and want so much more. We proceed to do, so that we can have, and ultimately move at a pace that are bodies on every plain, cannot handle.

As the week continues, reflect on what you are doing. Do you really have to do it? Will everything crumble if you don’t do it?

Give yourself a break, and just deflate. And then slowly, very slowly, do the thing you authentically connect with. 

I deeply connect with philosophy and writing, and therefore I do it, sometimes kicking and screaming, because the semantics bog me down. It’s where I’m meant to be, at least for now. 

Don’t be afraid to let a few things go. Trust me, it will be fine without you. You on the other hand, might not be, if you continue to commit to a lifestyle that simply is not fit for your purpose.

Xo 

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 5–Flights and Fights

There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.

by Irene Ephraim

WDYWM?! Episode 4–Shipped and Left Behind

We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.

by Irene Ephraim

Rolling in the Deep

It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with. In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time. A different …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

Finishing Strong

13 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by in Life, More Action, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

***Updated***

Running

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what have achieved and what we haven’t.

We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2020’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2020 be any different if you’re not doing anything different? You still think the same, speak the same, act the same, have the same conversations, do the same things and somehow it’ll be…different?

I want you to remember that 2019 isn’t over yet and there is so much we can still do in creating the life we want to live.

Now I don’t have all the answers but I do know a little something that might help. I learnt something recently from my mentor that has helped shape what I do now and it’s this; the work is your habits.

What do your habits say about you and your life? The state of your life is in direct correlation to the habits you have nurtured and practice on a daily basis. For example, if you work out regularly, it’s likely to be evident in your fitness, physique and mentality. Like the saying goes the proof is the pudding.

After a long day at work, like most I just want to plop onto my bed. I don’t want to do any ‘house stuff’ least especially laundry. The clothes are on my bed and I gear up to swiftly push them to the side and curl up on my bed but I pause. What does this act do for me? 1) Fosters laziness and procrastination 2) Increases workload 3) Messy space, messy life 4) Lack of clarity…you see, that ‘little thing’ isn’t worth all that comes with it, so in most cases, I’ll sort it there and then. Everything you do, is mapping out your life.

So, as you go about your daily activities today think about this, what is what I’m about to do say about me and my life? And if you find that the answer is negative, there is your starting point for you to do something about it.

Check your habits and if you don’t like the results it produces, change your habits.

Xo

Plastic Surgery: Should I do it?

17 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

img_6198It’s Sunday and I’m lazing around looking on social media and I see someone who I hadn’t seen in a while, something was different.
Her breasts were huge and quite tender looking, snap! She’s had work done. I noticed her friends too, all their bodies looked exactly the same.  It was clear they shared similar values in that respect.

I was a little bit saddened by it because part of what made each of them physically unique had been lost under the knife, probably in a foreign country somewhere. That isn’t shade, just the reality.

This individual used to stick up for her what others would call saggy breasts and show them like a badge of honour, seemingly not giving AF which I quite admired, so it was a shock to see that she had done it. It’s safe to say that under the heavy scrutiny she bulked.

The pressure to be and look amazing today is ever increasing, I mean who doesn’t want to be admired? I do, in fact worship me (I kid…sort of).

I get it, it’s hard to be the only one not doing something especially under the constant gaze of negative, miserable gremlins or on the flip side the constant feed of ‘perfect’ bodies. Your resolve has to be impenetrable because by simply being around it, you tap into that consciousness.

That consciousness is something that’s palpable, you feel it but can’t quite hold it. Even your favourite love to hate rapper Kanye West had lipo’ as he ‘didn’t want you to call me fat like you did Rob’. The Kanye West. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind, especially whilst working out- its a bitch.

Plastic surgery used to be a secret and something only the rich and famous could afford. You didn’t come across people with augmentations often. On the rare occasions that I did, in hushed tones I’d gesticulate at my friend towards the muse in question, looking on in awe at how we are able to cut ourselves up and make something we weren’t born with bigger. My young naïveté couldn’t quite fathom it. And anyway weren’t we supposed to love what God gave us?

I have fought with this particular subject matter as whilst I firmly believe that people should do whatever makes them happy, I haven’t entirely reconciled that with the risks that plastic surgery holds physically, emotionally and mentally, but I suppose high risk, high reward?

Another part of my concern is in the pseudo-confidence it provides a lot of women and men and what will happen when once again what’s on trend changes, not to mention that the enhancements still don’t exclude you from having insecurities like everyone else. In some cases, a few people go on to develop greater insecurities because they never want to lose that feeling of being desirable to themselves and to others. Then there’s the lack of sound judgment and the carelessness at which some people make these decisions that end up having permanent unwanted effects including death. Undoing some of the negative effects can be a hard journey and K Michelle’s story is a testament to that.

It certainly has it benefits which I have personally witnessed amongst the people I know, I don’t dispute that at all. They seem…happier

A friend and I joke that we’ll be the only ones holding on for dear life not succumbing to the demand to carve ourselves out to perfection although now that I think about it, my friend does talk about shaving down her jaw, reducing her forehead and getting under eye fillers so maybe it’ll just be me, maybe.

Perhaps there’ll be a revolution with the likes of Kylie and K Michelle undoing their plastic surgery decisions and that it will encourage people to give it a bit more thought before going under.

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t acknowledge that we all have some type of enhancement whether it’s our nails, hair, teeth, gym, filters and so on. We too subscribe to wanting bigger and better, and whilst the gravity of it can be less severe, the principle is the same.

With that said, this is much more of an inside job than it is an outside one. It’s what’s taking place upstairs that impacts everything around you and what you experience. That is the real power and once we begin to master this, the lives we lead will be further enriched. And no, it’s not easy to work on you,  it’s constant effort and often times a struggle too but worth it in the long run.

If you choose to have surgery, make sure that you’re not making these changes so others can feel better about you so you can feel better about yourself, as to put it plainly, that’s backwards. Do due diligence with taking that step as your life truly depends on it.

Most importantly don’t forget the you underneath all of that. You spend the most time with that person, love them, accept them because in acceptance there is freedom.

Xo

The Danger of Expectations

24 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times that I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

S/He is “Goals”

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Life, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours.

Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be careful how closely we focus on them lest we fall deep down the rabbit hole. Sometimes we look at someone’s life and think they’ve got it made until you hear about their woes, suddenly your life doesn’t seem so bad.

Learn to value where you are and have faith in where you’re going. Everyone’s journey is different as are the blessings and obstacles. Don’t look at anyone else and believe they’re “goals”, be your own goals.

Want to know how to do that? Set weekly, monthly, yearly real and practical goals and smash the shit out of them. Honestly, it works. It builds confidence and sharpens your tools. It will turn the focus back to you and on improving the quality of your life. Trust me, there’s so much living to do and if you’re doing it right, you won’t have time to inspect what the other person is doing. Granted, you can learn from them, however never hold their life in higher esteem than yours, ever.

Have a great weekend! And see you next week 🙂

Xo

Nirvana on the other side

20 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Before we go any further, can you please not give me the side eye, I know I said for the next few Monday’s I’ll write on someone who inspires me, however, occasionally, you must allow yourself to be led by what is on your heart(- does this sound like a cop out? It’s not, I promise 🙂 )

I’m going to be a little bit hypocritical here, but there are times that it is absolutely necessary to have that break down in order to experience a break through. I mentioned that I’m being hypocritical because I dislike the aforementioned process, although it is extremely constructive.

I am learning to accept for myself that it is okay to cry, the release is good for you. Think of it this way, crying gets rid of the bad energy and feelings that you have supressed and kept inside for a period of time. The pent up emotions starts to negatively affect the body and the brain, limiting your ability to function well. Your decision making skills and your attitude to life will undoubtedly be impaired due to the internalised stressors and pressures you have harboured.

In any building, should there be an emergency, it is mandatory to know where the exit routes are, the same is required for the body. If I eat unhealthily, the result may be excess weight, in this case it may be headaches, body pains, rash, or a complete and utter melt down.

Having a break down is a clear sign that there are things that require your attention which you have, in some cases, systematically ignored. I say systematically because we often times know instinctively when something should be done but instead we ignore the signs and carry on anyway, in the hopes that it will disappear or work itself out. Not so.

We must take care of ourselves as best as we can and it’s perfectly okay to ask for help and admit that you’re not doing so great. Who hasn’t had low points in their life? If someone says they haven’t, then you have confirmation that they’re a bona fide liar. These challenging seasons as cliché as it will sound, make the highs more enjoyable and in all honesty in the trenches is where the most evolution happens. It will strengthen you and make you a better person.

If you’re at that point or close to it, don’t be afraid to let it all out, trust that it will get better from there on out. Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you’re not coping well, it doesn’t make you less of a person. The process may be painful, exhausting and you might feel like giving up, I urge you not too.

This may mean spending time alone, introspecting and examining all areas of your life, especially the parts that you are not happy with, the outcome will certainly be daunting yet worth it.

I implore also not find other means to distract you from doing the work, do not placate it with alcohol, binge TV watching, painting the town red or whatever other vice there is. Doing this will not rid yourself of the issue, in fact it will only aggravate it further.  The sooner you get to it and do the work, the sooner you discover your nirvana at the other side.

You are powerful enough to make a difference in your in life.

XO

 

In the Middle of Nowhere

14 Saturday May 2016

Posted by in Life, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I am struggling to write at the moment, it’s been full of starts and stops, which is highly frustrating. Why? A lack of satisfaction or fulfilment maybe? I’m still figuring that out. If you are a writer or blogger of any kind I am sure you can relate.

I’m in a very weird place, sometimes I’m happy well at least I think so, and at other times, I’m melancholy. I’m assuming the latter (well hoping it is) is just a fleeting thing that will soon pass.

I am sharing this firstly for myself, its kind of like admitting that there is a problem and secondly for anyone else who might be feeling a bit lost.

My game plan for this right now is focusing my energy on the things I want to change and be better. So that would include spending more time looking at what I don’t like and the habits that created it and changing them. Being around more positive people, things, watching inspirational videos, reading books and changing my environment i.e. going to the places that make me feel better or that create good experiences for me.

One of the things I would implore you NOT to do under any circumstance is the below.

Compare

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Please

Don’t

Do

It

Comparing your life to someone else’s is mental suicide, it never ends well once you embark on that journey. Instead of focusing the energy on them and all the things that are missing from your life, channel that energy to improving the state of yours. It’s a much better use of your time and resources.

Words that I am currently doing my best to live by.

And lastly do not to give up.

What’s The Worst That Can Happen?

30 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by in Experiences, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

What’s the worst that can happen?

I learnt something recently that I thought was quite insightful, ’Anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past’. The truth is the ONLY thing that matters is this present moment and what you chose to do with it.

Confess, how many of you have spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about what ‘could’ happen? I know I’m a repeat offender and all that serves to do is to rob me of my present time and my senses.

Out of all the things that you foresaw happening, how much of it actually manifested? In retrospect, what was the purpose of giving those imagined stresses your valuable energy? As the saying goes, whatever you focus on expands. The same applies to the past, (and I don’t mean to trivialise it ) you are no longer experiencing whatever it was that happened to you in the physical, why chose to mentally re-enact the circumstances and consequently reengage the emotions over and over again? its torture.

Okay let’s say it materialised as you anticipated, now what? You deal with it. Sounds harsh but follow me for a minute, think back to when there were others issues that arose in your life, I’m pretty sure at the time you thought ‘I’m not going to be able to deal with this’ yet you did.

The quality of life can be enhanced by CHOOSING to perceive it differently-When you think differently, you behave differently and therefore alter the end results.

I was having a morning of it, self- inducing stress over things that had not yet happened. The moment I begun to tell myself my worries have not occurred, it calmed me down significantly and I regained focus on what I am able to do now and also on what I do have. Granted, it is not always as easy as this, but it’s a good place start.

We are not taught to let go enough, instead it is reinforced to live in the past and never forget what someone did to you, what you encountered, or what might have been. With that comes a whole set of residual interests by way of our memories and feelings, it’s no wonder that many of us are embittered and miserable. We are in a constant state of past dwelling (or in some cases future dwelling).

Take time today to consider where you deposit your physical, mental and emotional energy, assess whether it is effectively being used in the right place. If you conclude otherwise, consciously choose to transfer it elsewhere and it starts by becoming aware.

Following on from that, centre your energy on the things you have the ability to affect for the better. The idea is to build on that instead of dissipate your energy being anxious.

The way you think either fortifies you or is killing you-remember that.