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Trapped

22 Saturday Apr 2017

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You’ve been trying a ting* for a while now but it’s not quite working.

One possible reason is this: You’re living in your head!

What do I mean by that? There are certain things you say to yourself on a daily basis that contradict what you deeply want for your life. You hold incapacitating beliefs that limit your ability to make your dreams a reality.

You’ve held onto these things for so long that whatever you attempt to do is really futility at its best. You’re living small, acting small, doing enough to look like you’re doing something, all the while, side stepping doing the VERY thing that will make a massive difference to your life. Your fears and insecurities make you a spectator to the life you really want to lead, in other words, it’s bitch.

Take me for example; I believe that what I do IS valuable to someone, yet my other thought is, who the hell will listen to me? Who would even care about what I have to say? No one cares!

Unsurprisingly, there are going to be behaviours that follow these thoughts, like not speaking up, not promoting your work, being critical of yourself and so on.

But enough is enough! As my mother would say, ‘Time waits for no man’.

If you want a different experience, you have to think and do things in a way you have never done before. Say f*ck it and just do it. Not half-heartedly, not cowering, do it with your chest! There’s no other way to get around it or over it. No matter how silly or unqualified you might feel, do it anyway. It’s the only way you’re going to get closer to living the way you truly want.

It could be buying a home, speaking to that family member, setting up a business, starting YouTube, getting an agent, returning to university, sky diving, travelling to another country alone, ending that dead relationship, clearing your debt, changing careers, whatever it is, know that you can do it.

Free yourself from the things someone once told you about yourself, the things you have told yourself, the belief systems that have crippled you and begin a new, more edifying conversation, starting with believing in your-bl**dclart-self!

You can, you will, you have.

Xo

P.s Ting is a Caribbean/London slang for ‘a thing’…that was obvious right? Anyway bye.

A Dry Spell

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I bought these flowers last week and a day or two after getting them, I started to think ‘erm, are they broken?’ (I’m impatient remember and currently in rehab).

None of them were opening up, but I left them anyway. Slowly, one by one they began to bloom.

It reminded me that there is a process to everything and how crucial it is to be patient, lest (I feel so fancy using ‘lest’) you miss your time to shine.

Do not prematurely abandon your ship, in hopes of ‘making’ it on someone else’s or resorting to ‘it just isn’t for me’ quips. Without you, it will not reach its destination and neither will you. If you believe in it, deep down in your marrow, then continue to nurture it, no matter what anyone has to say.

Give it time, let your intuition guide you, and exercise patience- a lot of it.

Xo

P.s Patience is quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

 

Hey, Listen Up!

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Hi Guys,

My real name is Irene and erm I have a tendency to saunter off when life gets manic but I’m working on it and I hope you can stick with me.

Pretty please…?

Thank you!

Xoxo

Okay, we’ve established that I’m guilty of going away and my excuse is I have been traveling, I visited Paris ooh la la. I don’t mean to sound like I am full of excuses because I am not. Well, not really, they are more like reasons, yes reasons, reasons sound better.

Anyway, I hope you have been doing fabulously! Let’s talk.

I was saying to someone yesterday, that it is so much easier to believe in someone else’s hype than your own. Why is that? :s
Take me for example, I personally believe everyone can fly if they want to, but to fill out an application form for myself sometimes is like Mount Kilimanjaro -_- .Not because I cannot do it, but if truth be told because I am not sure I’ll get it and dealing with rejection is a mother******.  The kicker is how am I supposed to get it, if I do not do the work that is required? However, ask me to jump off a ledge and I’d sooner do that than apply for a role. It is a strange conundrum I know but we’re going to mend it!

I can talk your ear off about affirmations, positivity, and all that stuff but, something has to change and the catalyst for that is action.

Let’s be about it, I am all about making leaps and bounds this year and shaking off those gremlins that have been gnawing at my/our brain ( gross I know) and preventing us from living the life we have always wanted to.  I am therefore challenging you to a duel with me, not really a duel, but to intentionally do the things that scare you shitless. I mean that thing that merely thinking about it, gives you the shits. Don’t front, we have all experienced that intense nervousness. That nervousness which you experience may be an indication of something that you really, really, really need to do.

How else are you going to make your dreams a reality, if you don’t switch up your regular, mundane, dry chapped lipped routine?  You must inject some life, some oomph, some je ne sais quoi into it!

Stop playing small and cowering away, step outside your comfort zone.

Oh and because I am not fear’s b*tch (lol I am on one today), I am sending part of my manuscript to two publishers this week, whoa!

You gon’ learn ta day!

XO

P.s Irene has been abducted and the above post was written by a clone named Irina. We do apologise if this post caused offence, sike!

2016: Its not over till the fat lady sings!

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My last post was a doozy! Phew. But we’re here now and moving forward.

We have 3.5 weeks left before we’re in officially in 2017! Does that excite you?

I have been saying that I cannot wait for 2016 to be over for the a little while now and then I thought about it, why can’t I wait? What about it being 2017 will make a difference?

Let’s think about it. In reality all it is, is another day. That’s it.

With the risk of sounding cynical, it’s not like we’re able to wipe out 2016 nor is there a worldwide ritual that takes place in order to enter into the New Year.

New and better things are ultimately down to us. The wonderful thing about that is you can begin again at anytime and anywhere.

Did you hear me? I said at ANYTIME and ANYWHERE. So why wait till 2017?

You hear hoards of people say ‘this year is my year’ and they talk about all the great and magnificent things that will happen. How sway? Transformation only comes through changed and consistent behaviour. You can’t do the same thing and expect there to be some revolution in your life. You have to put the work in.

Many parts of this year may not have been great or enjoyable but I am determined to end the year well and welcome my life into 2017 with grace, strength and a new energy and that starts now! There is absolutely no time like the present. Where is the sense in waiting for the New Year when you can implement change right now this second?!

You want things to be different? Start now. Work on those habits that have created the life you live that you want to be rid of. Remove old ways of thinking, and put on a new way of thinking-Be transformed by the renewing of your mind

And remember your power is in the small things.

XO

Psst…watch my very first (and probably last) video of the year! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVgcWtKzuGM&t=301s

 

 

 

 

Are you willing?

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To pay the price that is.

Ask anyone what they want and 8/10 times they’ll have to think about it for a few minutes. Ask them what they don’t want and they’ll begin to list it off at lightning speed, myself included. When they do eventually tell you what they want and you follow up with this next question, “What are you doing to make that happen?” they start to foam at the mouth because they haven’t done anything. How can we want something when we have done nothing to help the situation? Where and on what planet does that make sense? It doesn’t.

It’s definitely time to realign yourself, and fast. Get with the real program of your life, not this fake one you have concocted. I say concocted because you’re living with two different parallels, the one you want but won’t work for because you’re afraid and the one you don’t want but work for every day, that my friend is a concoction for disaster.

I must confess, I’m quite the dreamer or maybe it’s that I’m spoilt? I can talk a pretty good game but my execution isn’t always as tight. I want things to happen the way I imagined, and not the way it’s usually been set out before me. In short, I want the easy way out, always, the easy way out-Who doesn’t? But life, easy? Nope. The gag is, the easy way out is usually more costly than the hard route.

You ever buy a cheap item thinking you’re saving, but it breaks down 2 seconds after using it, and you end up buying the expensive one and now that’s even more money than you anticipated spending because you were trying cut costs, cheap ass- Just kidding! Gets me every time.

I was thinking about this task that I set myself to own a property and I had a lightbulb moment. I realised the solution has been right under my nose this whole entire time and then I started to think about all the things I would have to do to maintain it. It.Suddenly.Felt.Overwhelming Ugh.

Actually, actually on second thought, maybe I don’t want it, in fact I know I don’t want it, whose idea was this anyway?…Sound familiar?

We do it all the time, whenever we begin to broach uncharted waters and the boat begins to rock, rather than ride it out, we want a life boat to come along and save us.

How long are you going to do that for? Times a ticking and in my case I’m sure I’ll blink and suddenly be 60 years old wondering where all the time has gone.

Think of it this way, if every time shit got scary or tough, you screamed for a life boat, will you ever attain that goal? Like ever? Doubt it. I mean I don’t mean to doubt you per se, butttt ummm the proof is in the pudding.

Getting what you want in life WILL require sacrifice and not necessarily the roasting of a pig on a stick, with fire burning beneath it, sort of sacrifice, but close.

Nothing worth having comes easy, and if it comes easy, well easy come, easy go.

So I ask you again, are you willing? Stop playing small for fear of failing, stop it.

In order to have what you want, you have to go out on a limb (I have only just understood what that phrase really means) and just jump. We’re pretty amazing at anything and when push comes to shove we find ways to rise to the occasion. This or that would be no different.

Think more of what you truly want and less of what you don’t want and make plans towards making it happen!

XO

PS And erm yeah if this owning a property business doesn’t work out, can someone put me up for a few weeks, months, a year maybe? Thanks in advance.

PPS Oo ooo oo I just saw this quote on the gram, “Worrying is a misuse of your imagination”. Let that marinate.

Broken Dreams: The dreaded 30’s

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Do I have any 80’s babies that are anxious about turning 30? Please say I!

30 is the new 20 right? Rightttt?? I need reaffirmation here ugh.

Whenever I think about not achieving certain aspirations, I start to panic and have mini drama episodes. I know I know, melodramatic, but it’s just how I feel.

I set myself a goal when I was 22, that by the time I turn 30 I would have­­____________ fill in the blank. Well 30 is looming over my head like a dark grey cloud, and by the end of next year I would have reached that mark. So yes, I am freaking out, majorly, just picture me running around in circles frantically in an empty room, and then running towards a glass panel door thinking it was open and knocking myself out, type of freaking out. Told you, me-lo-dra-matic. It has been at the forefront of my mind ever since I birthed it, haunting me like a scorned dead woman. Me-lo-dr…

When I set this goal I was so convicted of it, however as time draws near, I don’t feel any closer to achieving it. You could say that I am placing unnecessary pressure on myself, true, yet I refuse to relent. I believe in it, I don’t know how it is going to happen, I have no real physical indication yet, no connections, no expertise, but I still choose to be committed to the vision.

As a child, whatever I thought of would happen exactly how I would imagine it, was this the same for you? What I wanted, I got, and I don’t mean it in a ‘I’m spoilt’ kind of way, more so in ‘it just happened’ way. I honestly, truly, sincerely, stand behind, in front and beside this next statement- whatever you believe, will be real to you. If you believe it long enough, it will begin to materialize in some form or fashion in your life!

We were born creators, it is our inherent legacy to be builders, imagineers, architects, designers, authors, scientists, archeologists, astronomers, artists, producers, without purpose we cease to adequately function.

Sooooooo, this was a long message to say this, that broken dream, mend it.

YOU have the ability to create whatever you think of or want for yourself, remember as a wo/man thinketh so is s/he, so think of something wonderful, something magical, something breathtaking, something life changing, something unapologetically you and make it happen!

XO

Ps I need your good vibes send it to me

…

I’m serious

info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk

Silence the Naysayers aka Haters!

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They say silence is golden and the best revenge is success, how about marrying the two?

I have been tried, tested and doubted in so many ways and my best resolve is through my actions. No need to retaliate or retort back, just show and prove.

Nothing spurs me on more, than someone doubting my abilities and not believing in my vision and me. I will not stop until it has manifested in the flesh. Do you get urged on in the same way?

I don’t react or retaliate because firstly, that’s unnecessary energy that can be spent elsewhere, and secondly I don’t need that kind of karma drama coming back to me, no sir!

What if you don’t believe in yourself? In that case you have change the story (lies) you have been telling yourself. Stop saying you can’t have the body of your dreams, or that you can’t be the person you’ve always wanted to be, or that what you have to offer is not necessary, or that you’re not talented enough, or that your dreams don’t matter- CHANGE THE STORY.

Don’t hate on you.

Please brace yourself I’m about to start shouting:

YOU CAN HAVE THE BODY OF YOUR DREAMS

YOU CAN BE THAT PERSON YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE

WHAT YOU HAVE IS NECESSARY

YOU ARE TALENTED

YOUR DREAMS MATTER

DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU MATTER.

Okay that was exhausting, all that shouting, but I need you to get it. You are enough and you can achieve whatever you want to, if you only you would change the story you have told yourself all these years and replace it with one that you agree with and want for your life.

If you won’t listen to yourself, then listen to me, you can do it or maybe I should say you can’t do it… does that work? Will you do your best now to prove me wrong or right?

There is proof all around you of all the “impossibilities”, so if you’re ever in doubt, look closer.

Right, I’m off to sh*t on someo… I mean I’m off to prove myself right that I can indeed do it!

I’ll tell you next week, what it is that I did 😉

Enjoy the rest of your week!

XO

Woe is me

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Good Morning Beautiful People!

If you’re in London, please do your best to enjoy this weather because we all know how fleeting it is!

I was watching ‘The Good Wife’ and Alicia said and I paraphrase ‘we don’t have a problem, we have an opportunity’.

‘I don’t have a problem, I have an opportunity’, say it a few times. It makes you feel differently doesn’t it? It gives you back the power over your situation. You can either look at it as you’re damned, or that this is an opportunity to transform and elevate your life.

When you tune in to bullsh*t, the tendency is you’ll continue to create more of that. Woe is me soon transitions into woe becomes me.

It’s about how you set your internal GPS, if you key in negativity, well that’s the direction you’ll head in until you decide otherwise. If you don’t like the direction, then you have to stop, and reroute the internal GPS. Fixate your mind on a new belief/perspective and let it shape and guide you.

Today’s a good a day as any, to refocus, re-strategise and go full steam ahead towards the life of your dreams. It’s not impossible it’s quite the opposite, it’s VERY possible, your goals and aspirations are just as real as you are, if only you would begin to act like it.

I have to stress how important it is to keep your eye on the prize, look towards the end goal, let thoughts and feelings of achieving that ambition engulf you.

To help you stay on target, use pictures, write things down everywhere, repeat affirmations, surround yourself with like-minded people who can hold you accountable, change your environment, go to the places now that you think you can only go to when you ‘make’ it, watch things that cultivate the spirit of what you want to embody, read books, generally saturate your life with what you want and not with what you don’t want.

As I say over and over again, everything we see around us was once a mere thought but someone persisted, believed in themselves and in their goal and made it happen.

You can too!

XO

Get your mind out of the gutter!

29 Monday Feb 2016

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I have quite high expectations of my life and I work daily towards reaching and maintain those standards but sometimes, my thoughts trail off into the gutter.

What do I mean? When things get tricky, the first thing you want to do is to resort back to familiar behaviours. Its what you know and what you believe to have worked and that’s fine…except excellence and greatness, cannot come from sameness or being comfortable. You must push against the urge to settle for less or what you are used to.

Whatever you used to get ‘there’ has served its purpose and cannot be recycled to advance you to the next place; you must evolve or otherwise forever be stuck.

By way of our upbringing, surroundings, associations and interactions we are nurtured to think and behave in specific terms. It stays that way until one day, we are introduced to something different, possibility.

For example, you want to buy a home, however, once upon a time owning property wasn’t even a figment of your imagination, never mind it being an actual reality. Your parents weren’t homeowners and neither were your grandparents. You lived in an area where the residents predominantly lived on welfare. You attended school with most of the kids who lived in your area BUT one day, there was an opportunity to join an after school club which you took. The club was girls scout. There you met with girls of different ages and backgrounds. You befriended a girl who was from a middle class family. You went to her house, met her family, had sleepovers, and here, you were introduced to a different way of living. You have now been exposed to the possibility of something different.

A gutter usually contains waste, and is full of things that are no longer beneficial to and for you, in this case it would be old habits and thinking practices. I cant lie and say its easy to do, after all you are literally trying to rid yourself of something that has been a part of you for a very long time, so what do you do? Take the blue pill (old ways) which you have consistently taken for years or try the red one(new ways)where the possibilities are endless? It is always your choice.

Three things you need to know:

  • It wont be easy but it’ll be worth it
  • When it gets challenging, you WILL want to resort back to what is familiar because lets face it, it’s the safest option, BUT you may never have what it is that you have always desired.
  • The time is always now! Take it from me, its very easy to use the excuse of life has gotten in the way but with or without you, life will carry on. Its imperative to hold on and focus on the positive changes that you wish to effect into your life and the life of others.

I remember the year I graduated from University like it was yesterday, that was 7 years ago! And when I observe the things I wished to accomplish, I find that a lot has not yet been achieved, why? Well, life of course.

But how long will ‘life’ continue to be a crutch for the lack thereof? Again, the decision is made by you in what you opt to do on an everyday basis, take the blue pill, get the same results, take the red one and who knows? What do you have to lose?

Forward ever, backwards never.

 

 

Wanderers of the World 

22 Friday May 2015

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I’ve returned and have been integrated back (with some, actually a lot of resistance) into the thrills of London life,womp womp wooommmppp!

I thought it best to give you an update on my trip away alone, before I discuss anything else.

First off, it was AMAZING! I loved every bit of it, including getting lost. I have always wanted to travel and be incognito, live as the locals do. It’s great exploring a place with tourist eyes but to do so through a native’s eye is even better in my opinion. I wanted to be submerged in their culture without the privilege of being a British national (let’s not pretend that there aren’t some advantages accosted to the British).

There were many observations I was able to make as a result of being alone, things I would not have noticed if I had a companion.

One of the highlights for me, believe it or not, was commuting. Now for those that know me, commuting on London transport doesn’t make any of my highlights and for good reason. I enjoyed studying the faces of the commuters and deciphering what they paid attention to. As a visitor, I hadn’t a clue about what stood out or what was okay to do or not, so it really gave me the opportunity to learn the people, like they say when in Rome, do as the Romans do. I found it really easy to get around and I think I blended in very well, bar my Pharrell looking hat, that occasionally granted me side way glances and a few compliments too!

Another significant benefit was the FREEDOM to do whatever I wanted. I went there with no concrete plan but to simply enjoy being in a different environment and I would do whatever took my fancy. If I felt like having a quick drink in Seventy Eight (a bar in El Poble Sec), that I stumbled across on route back to my apartment, I did, if I wanted to go into the museum that I just walked past (Erotic Museum, don’t ask, I was feeling erh curious, listen I’m grown lol) I did, if I wanted to hop on the Metro and go to the beach (didn’t quite make the beach but took the cable car to Montjuic Hill) I did. There were no hesitations or debating, just doing! Which can sometimes be counter-productive when with others, too many cooks spoil the broth.

You get to learn an immense amount because you have no one else to rely on but yourself. You discover more about the city, the language, the culture, and the general idiosyncrasies. You are forced to ask questions, otherwise how else will you learn? It is a great way to open up dialogue and mingle with the locals.

So here are a few tips on travelling alone:

  • Don’t be shy, ask questions! You’ll meet new people and save yourself a lot of hassle! Always cross check the information they provide as sometimes they may not be well informed themselves. Believe and rely in your abilities.
  • Whatever you wouldn’t do at home, consider not doing abroad. It’s not restricted to this and it does require research, common sense and intuition. On the first day I made enquires at the hotel on if it was safe to travel to the city after 7 pm.  I really didn’t know how things operated and didn’t want to leave the area if it wasn’t ideal to do so. They told me it was but to be aware of pickpockets, I think that goes for most places in the world. On another occasion, I was buying sweets from a stall and a dubious looking character stood next to me, attempting to engage in conversation. He spoke to me in Spanish and French and I told him English only. The lady, serving me felt the same way I did, and moved to another point to finish the transaction. I instantly knew it was because she didn’t want me bringing out my money next to where he stood. Right as she gave me my change, in a sweet but concerned voice, whilst looking me straight in the eye said ‘Be very careful, okay?’ as her eyes fleeted across to the questionable man. I thanked her and told her I will. I was gone with the wind, she did not have to tell me twice! Thank you nice lady!
  •  Keep the important things nearby- (I preferred on my body, slightly paranoid, slightly controlling) and or in a safe and secure place.
  •  Explore, Explore, Explore! (with caution)
  •  Practice your selfie skills.

Will I be travelling alone again? ABSOLUTELY!