• Home
  • About
  • A Little Bit of Love
    • Manifest
    • Travel
    • Dreams
    • Relationships
    • Thoughts in motion
    • Experiences
    • Less Talk
    • Motivation
    • Love
    • More Action
    • Late night
    • Life
  • Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!
    • WDYWM Podcast

lipstickandblackcoffee

~ Be Live It

lipstickandblackcoffee

Tag Archives: dreams

Success–A One Size Fits All?

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Motivational & Intentional

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Conditioning, dreams, Failure, freedom, Mindset, Programme, success, Training, Unicorn

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

I have a gripe.
For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me.
Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in?

Such remarks irk me, because whilst its well-meaning, it actually diminishes the individual, their choices and their offerings to the world, rather than the intended opposite.
It places unnecessary pressure for that person to perform and meet the invisible-ever-moving goal post of success. Not for them mind you, for other people’s pleasure. Ultimately, the underlying message is, you’re not good enough. Whew!

What could that do to a person’s self-esteem over a period of time? I’m sure some of you can relate, as you’ve had similar comments made about you.
And if we’re not vigilant, we can very easily slip into a deep abyss of unworthiness and a perpetual feeling of failure, that is hard to climb out of.

Success to me on some days, is waking up in time to attend my virtual french lesson at 7am. On other days it’s me being consistent with what I set out to do. Right now though, it’s me loving my life exactly as it is, curveballs, uncomfortable bits, confusion and all.

What is success to you void of outside influences? When you reflect, and come into the awareness of who you truly are, is whatever you are doing, in alignment?

I strongly believe in every person deciding for themselves, what’s for them, what isn’t, what success looks like and what it doesn’t.
We’ve all been trained to think of things as one way, and anything contrary to that is considered unacceptable, and that’s simply not true. There are so many shapes and sizes, and if you are a star, trying to be a square is unfair and harmful to you.

A mum was explaining how her baby decided to defecate as soon as the nappy came off. She laughed at it and then did the needful. The baby, obviously unaware of what they did, will continue to do as babies do.
How freeing? To do whatever you want, however you want and be accepted?
Just imagine if we allowed ourselves to be as free as babies are, to do whatever feels natural to us and be accepted as is…
It goes without saying that this does not mean descend into anarchical behaviour, as every action has a reaction, but outside that, the possibilities of who we could be and the lives we could lead are bountiful and endless.

To me, you being here, reading this post is proof of you as a success, but again, my opinion doesn’t mean much. Yours does though.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 2—The Time I Knew

We all have an internal GPS that guides us. Taking heed however, is a different matter altogether. This story is about a situ-lationship, that went on for entirely too long because I ignored myself and listened to others.

by Irene Ephraim March 4, 2021March 4, 2021

The Beginning: WDYWM?!

There are some people I admire and think wow, how did they do that? How did they create this beautiful, innovative, otherworldly thing?And then like clockwork, I get a nudge reminding me that it didn’t happen overnight. I’m quickly brought back to reality and recognise how they have produced these things; work, a whole lot …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 25, 2021

WDYWM?! Episode 1–Grief

Grief is a minefield. You just never know what will happen next.
In this episode, I share my experience with grief, how I live with it, and the things that I have learnt.

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 11, 2021February 13, 2021

Protect Your Peace

I think we’ve all realised how important being in the right environment is to our mental, emotional and physical health. So much has broken down during this period, because of inhabitable spaces, toxic relationships and abusive behaviours. The effects of these things are damning and dangerous. But all hope is not lost.  Protecting your peace and …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 3, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

Yours or Mine?

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, Achievement, Aspirations, Business, dreams, Famous, Fitness, Goal, lifestyle, Lockdown, Magazine, Marriage, Quarantine, Socially acceptable, travel, Wedding

Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you? 

Are you sure? 

Are YOU sure?

Just checking. 

I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively. 
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.

Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it. 
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.

I want my own business- do you really? 

I want a huge wedding- do you really?

I want to be a billionaire- do you really? 

I want this body type- do you really? 

I want to be famous- do you really?

How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?

One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up. 
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.

But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.

Bisou xo 

LATEST POSTS

Success–A One Size Fits All?

I have a gripe. For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me. Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in? …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim February 10, 2021

Take Care Of It Now

Take care of it now, before it takes care of you. And I don’t mean in the good sense. You ever have something that you put off that you know you need to do. You keep saying tomorrow, Monday, next week, in March, and before you know it, all those dates have come and gone …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 29, 2021

Crystal Clear

You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that. Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t? In the past, I struggled with this. I …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 23, 2021January 27, 2021

Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 15, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

The Ground Is Fertile

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2020, change, dreams, Earth Rising, Goals, growth, Harvest, History, Plant, Soil, Visions

The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

Latest Posts

The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 11, 2021January 13, 2021

Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 7, 2021

In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 4, 2021January 8, 2021

First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim January 1, 2021

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

A Whole New World

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, More Action

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Aladdin, Brexit, Challenges, Childhood, dreams, lifestyle, Lockdown, London, Quarantine

As each day passes, it seems like those in office are making Ip Dip Doo decisions concerning our lives, and I am both appalled and fed up. 

I am in that delirious stage of dealing with change, where I experience bouts of hysteria, because what we are experiencing is so unbelievable. I keep expecting the director to shout ‘cut’ to end scene, as surely this cannot be real life?! 

It caused me to think of my childhood, and how I was conditioned to believe that ‘grown ups’ were all knowing and made sound decisions. Ha!
Of course that isn’t entirely true, and truthfully it’s unnerving, because who do you trust? Who can you rely on to make decisions that have your best interests at heart? Decisions that will impact your future and other generations?
Those that we have elected intentionally or not, are simply not connected to the issues that affect a majority.

With that said, we cannot afford to give all the power to people evidently ill-equipped. It is up to us to design a life that works best, despite the recession, pandemic, Brexit, questionable leadership, and myriad of other things.

This might mean changing your lifestyle, moving cities, taking up causes, career changes, retraining or doubling down on the vision you have for your future.
And no, you cannot half-heartedly do it. There can be no dipping of toes into water, or observing others go for it, looking for evidence in their moves as to why perhaps you shouldn’t.
You, must pursue your dreams, with reckless abandon.

A whole new world (a whole new world)
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us, “No”
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

Xo

Latest Posts

2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 31, 2020February 10, 2021

Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 30, 2020December 31, 2020

Good Choices

What choices have you made was a question I was asked today. I wrote the question down in my trusty Office Depot blue notepad to answer it. My instinct was to list the ‘bad’ choices, the habits that do not serve me and then—No. I’m not going to do that, I’m going to do the opposite. I …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 29, 2020

Tier Me To Pieces

Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?  Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness.I’m convinced Boris …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim December 28, 2020December 28, 2020

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

One At A Time

Featured

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Dreams

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2019, 2020, action, blogger, choice, decision, dreams, Goals, Happy, Thoughts, writer

facetune_18-11-2019-18-17-01-1

 

I really hope this post meets you well.

Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild.

2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, unplanned pregnancies, incarceration, losing friendships, losing loved ones to death, to name a few things- like I said, a roller coaster.  

I wonder if there is some sort of universal purge happening because we are entering into a new decade? What do you think?

Notwithstanding the party and bullsh*t that life can be, we still have to participate and how we do this, is entirely up to us.

Sure, we’re not in control of a lot of things, but the one of the things we can master is, ourselves. WE are huge contributors to our experiences.

With that said, I want you to think about ONE thing you want to accomplish before the 31st December 2019.

Just one. One, because when we attempt to juggle multiple things at a time the following occurs; very little gets done, you become overwhelmed with how much there is to do, causes frustration and worse than all of that, can make you stagnant.

Once you have decided what that is, close off or shut down anything that does not support the thing you are in the process of accomplishing. That might mean limiting the access others have to you, setting a timetable, changing your environment, exposing yourself to something different and so on.

Chances are, you already know what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it. Take heed to whatever messages you are receiving right now about your life, as its the very thing that will get you closer to where you want to be.

And if you don’t? Well you already know what life will look like because you are living it now. Do yourself one solid before the new year and surprise yourself.

With love, Irene x 

 

Call It Quits?

10 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

blogger, discovery, dreams, Goals, Journey, lifestyle, Men, Money, Motivation, perseverance, perspective, Quit, Relationships, Speaker, success, Women, Work, writer

img_0874You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it.

Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing seems to be changing. You want to stop but you haven’t…yet.

Will it ever happen? Should I give up? Did I make a mistake going down this path? Can I fix it? Should I fix it? What did I do wrong?
It’s not going happen, I should give up, I never should have embarked on this journey, there’s nothing more I can do, I should have done this instead…

The constant noise, the incessant chatter of shoulda woulda couldas engulfs you. You can’t think straight.

Too overwhelmed to do much, yet too far gone to give it all up.

I know the feeling, it’s tempting to call it quits especially on days where it doesn’t make sense.
Truth is, when you made the decision to pursue your desires, there were no guarantees that it would happen, you only believed in it enough to do something about it, kudos to you.

In times like these, you must reconnect to your why. Stop the static by getting out of your normal environment and purge yourself of your thoughts.

Sounds simple, almost too simple yet it works.

I was having a nightmare of a time yesterday with a decision I had made months ago and I was so close to going back on my word. I had re-enacted what I felt like doing in that moment a trillion times but deep down I knew I’d regret it.

I wanted to stay on course but was struggling to. I called on my friends to keep me motivated; they helped, however it didn’t immediately ease my feelings. My thoughts were doing over time.

I decided to go to a small park around where I work. I opened notes on my phone, wrote two lines about how I was feeling and that was it. My sound mind was restored.

img_0813

Seeing the words was a visual reminder of why I was doing it and that the possibility of something better was worth the effort and indeed valuable to me.

Try it out. If you feel uncertain about your direction, get into nature. Spend time there, meditate, write or even talk to someone. It’s the best free therapy there is. And when you’re done, pat yourself on the back for everything you have accomplished so far, appreciate the moment you’re in now, stay connected to your why and never give up.

If it doesn’t happen on the first try, keep doing it, clarity will come.

“Anything worth having, is worth waiting (working) for”…apparently (lol)

xo

I Just Want To Be Successful

26 Monday Mar 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, Motivation

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Accomplish, achieve, dreams, happiness, inspiration, Love, Meditate, Monday, Motivation, New week, success, Truth

I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too.

Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can always do better and more. There has always been a new goal to work towards and I realise now that I could have achieved the most amazing thing and I’d never consider it good enough for that very reason.

I was in the shower when the thought came to me ‘I am a success’. I don’t know whose thought in the ether I picked up, but for some strange reason that statement permeated every part of me as the absolute truth. I AM a success.

All the ways I was/am a success came to mind, even the most unlikely of things like my job, which although doesn’t set my soul on fire, I have one. You think it’s easy maintaining a job with all its nuances that you don’t love, but still go to because it funds your real love? Sounds like a success to me- A shift in perspective.

It made me think, if I do not see myself as successful now with all the things I have done to date and who I am, what difference will it make when I achieve more and greater? When will that turning point come?

We too often qualify success on other people’s terms and find it difficult to see ourselves and all the things we have overcome and accomplished.

Give yourself some credit and spend a few minutes meditating on your achievements, especially the ones you overlook every day. You don’t need anyone but yourself to do that.

Start seeing yourself as a success now and watch you attract more of it because we attract what we are, not what we want to be.

Xo

Somebody’s Watching

27 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, More Action, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Aspirations, Commitment, dreams, Goal, inspiration, Monday Motivation, Speaker, success, Valuable, writer

Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’.

You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger.

Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were caught in the act. The act of admiring you from afar, wondering what you’re like as a person, if you have any quirks or nuances that they can pick up on, how you think, what you’re doing and so on.

Figuratively speaking there is always someone watching especially in this social media age where people can have access to you 24/7. Needless to say we have become obsessed with paying acute attention to other people’s lives, but, that isn’t always a bad thing and here’s why. People have the opportunity to learn, grow and be inspired by you, your life and your work.

I say all of that to say this; do not think for a second that what you have to offer to the world is not necessary, irrespective of how small or big it might be, somebody needs it. You have birthed those aspirations, dreams and visions for a reason and in most cases it’s not just for you.

Someone you don’t know needs what you have to offer the world. Someone you don’t know values who you are. Someone you don’t know believes you’re necessary. Someone you don’t know is rooting for you and your success. However, none of this can happen if you choose to keep who you are to yourself.

Now this isn’t a call for you to immediately put your life on full blast for everyone to see, simply an encouragement to stay committed to whatever you believe your purpose is. One of mine is this here blog. I have considered shutting this site down a trillion times, but my gut feeling won’t let me. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter whether or not there are hundreds of readers, just do the work. Whatever happens once I press publish is not my business (I mean it is but you know what I mean), I have done what I am suppose to do and until I feel led otherwise, that is what I’ll continue to do.

And yes, sometimes the things you do on the surface won’t make sense or you might feel that it is not valuable, however if you are certain that this is what you’re meant to do then it’ll work out either now or later. Learn to trust the timing of your life as it is never late or wrong, it’s just right for you.

IMG_2890 My nephew and I.

…And keep up the good work xo

P.s I hope your week ahead is full of sparkle, miracles and constant good news!

New Week: Press Reset

13 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Dreams, Experiences, More Action, Motivation, Motivational & Intentional

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Accomplish, believe, challenge, Child Like, children, dreams, Goals, Learn, Let Go, lifestyle, Monday, New week, Resolutions, Speaker, success

Who taught you to stop believing?

Do you remember being a child and believing in the impossible? Nothing was off limits. I can recall countless times where whatever I thought of or believed in happened. I’m not going to share what some of them were, because I am certain someone will want to cart me off to the head doctor.

I spent so much of my childhood especially being the only child for almost 10 years (and at that point you’re still an only child because of the age gap), living in my imagination. I would conjure up stories, desires and situations which made my young life that much richer. Life, however, has other plans and slowly all the negative things get the better of us and we soon forget how to manifest and live more.  But I want to get back there, living as a child does, with no doubts, little fear and great ambition.

I asked myself this question, ‘how do we not become bogged down with the negative things that have happened, to cause us to believe less?’ The answer I received is this, learn and let go.

Think about it, a lot of children when they hurt themselves or don’t succeed at doing something, they get right back up and do it again. A child learning to walk after falling down a few times doesn’t suddenly say ‘yeah this walking stuff isn’t for me’, they carry on trying until they get it. The recollection of how badly it went wrong the first time is but a distance memory to them; they learn and they move on.

steps

One of the ways we can implement this ability is by following this principle by the good book, where it says but transformed by the renewing of your mind. One interpretation of this that you have to constantly, daily even, press reset.

With this in mind, I have decided to push myself beyond my self-inflicted limitations and I would love for you to join me.

Pick one thing that you have found to be a challenge to accomplish. It could be going to the gym 4 times a week, finishing off a proposal, having that business meeting, registering your company, making that dreaded phone call to a family member that you have not spoken to in years, buying a house, it could be absolutely anything. Decide that by the end of the week (19.11.17), you would have either done it or are one step closer to doing it. The one step does have has to be a huge step (no pressure 🙂 ).

My challenge has dragged on for many years, but I am determined to pull my finger out! I’ll definitely share mine next Monday, eek!

In the water

I’ll leave with this which I wholly believe in, it is always better to have tried something than to not have tried at all. You learn so much quicker when you do than when you don’t.

See you on the flipside!

Xo

Things That Go Bump

10 Tuesday Oct 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Late night, Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

30, Achievement, dreams, Goals, Insomnia, Late night

It’s 3.24 am and I’ve decided I’m going to be a weirdo and post something. 

I’m not sure whether I can call it writers block because I don’t feel “blocked”, only that over the past couple of weeks completing a post has been challenging, so challenging that it hasn’t happened.

…See? I’m stumped. I don’t know what else to write or where I’m going with this.

Okay I’ve got it. Rather than let it be another month before something worthwhile comes out of my mouth, I’ll vomit on here some of things going through my mind and maybe you can relate.

1. Leaving my 20’s. I have just over 2 months before my next birthday and erm I’m kinda shitting myself. Out of my 101 goals, NONE have been achieved (exaggerating much?). I should have a thriving career, be a millionaire, married with one child, living in a beautiful home, the first person to…not sure what exactly, all I know is that I’m supposed to be the first in something, the list is endless. Those goals don’t shift and then there’s all my weekly/monthly/yearly goals, publish my book, travel more, buy a home, stay debt free, script write a show, put on a stage production, get fit, clear skin, blah blah blah.

2. After that there’s the day to day stuff, such as having a bus hit your parked car. I couldn’t make this shit up, but that is the third car incident in 3 months. Did you hear me? I said the THIRD in 3 MONTHS. Fortunately, I wasn’t in it nor was the damage irreparable. Still, it’s a pain to deal with. And that’s just one thing out of many more.

3. Due to the above I can’t help but feel a bit of a failure, like what have I done with my life? Granted, I am my worst critic and my perception of myself is undoubtedly warped, however this feeling isn’t any less true for me. 

With all of that said, the good thing is, these feelings will eventually pass and I take solace in that. 

Goodnight Xo 

P.s I did say I’d vomit, sorry 🤷🏾‍♀️.

← Older posts

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?! is a podcast speaking on the things you should know, but don't. The things you typically find out after the fact, and it's sometimes too late. Fear not, Why Didn't You Warn Me?! with Irene aka Lipstick, will give you the 411 through story-telling, conversations, and refreshing perspectives.

© Copyright © lipstickandblackcoffee 2021

Subscribe via iTunes

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel

 
Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×