21 Questions about relationships, who would I swap lives with, being the president of a country, greatest fears and more.
I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago.
Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it…
Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have done for over a decade.
It’s the not the mode of transportation that’s nerve-wracking. It’s the mandatory, and sometimes very unnecessary red tape that has me feeling out of sorts.
I was on my way back into London from France, and needless to say things have changed.
I can’t queue up with my European mates anymore. I don’t belong and it’s a sad sad affair.
The process made me feel like an other, and I, like most people, do not like to feel like an other.
That, along with other new procedures and the Edna doppelganger cutting one of my cherished pieces of jewelry to smithereens made the journey unpleasant.
Welcome to post-brexit.
I couldn’t ‘hummm’ or ‘kumbaya my lord’ out of this one and that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset as long as you don’t do anything irresponsible or regrettable.
Anyway what’s my point? My point is I’m human and have off days, low moments and stressful periods, and experiencing these things, even for extended periods of time is perfectly normal.
I’ll say it again, is perfectly normal.
In such times, and you’ve probably not heard this enough, refrain from self flagellation of any kind.
Instead, feel the feels and let it pass through. Don’t suppress it, because you’re not a stuffed teddy void of emotions, you’re human and all feelings are a natural part of being alive.
For whatever reason, society has only made “good” emotions permissible. The rest is shunned and considered abominable.
No wonder we’re perpetually miserable! We’ve been repressed since we were children, and told that it’s not okay to cry, or to be angry, or to be jealous or whatever other emotion is considered unacceptable. As a consequence, these suppressed emotions sometimes manifest itself through our bodies in the form of (a) dis-ease.
The irony is, those taboo emotions are part of the Yin and Yang, and a pendulum swings both ways for a reason; balance.
So if you are angry, be angry, if you are hurt, be hurt, if you are sad, be sad. The only caveat with this, is to not act in a way that is detrimental to you or others.
Let your emotions exist without judgment. By doing this is how you begin to exercise mastery over self. You gain a better understanding of who you are and what belongs to you, and over time and with practice, you can observe the emotions and consciously choose what you do next…it will be your superpower.
I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.Oscar Wilde
I was in love once. You never forget your first time.
I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth.
…And with first loves comes first heartbreak and mine was one of the worst experiences to date, I’d never wish it upon my enemy. My mind convinced me that I will not get over it and be the same. Part of that is true, I was never the same but I certainly did get over it.
Although the pain of it is long forgotten, the effects still remain and I am continuously working on undoing it all. I have not been “in love” since, as I inadvertently made it conditional. The ones after him didn’t stand a chance, the bar was set stupidly high.
Now that isn’t to say I consistently made good decisions, I definitely did not. I did become fiercely protective over how close you could get and mastered the skill of not showing much emotion. To me, showing emotion was a sign of weakness and being vulnerable a terrible thing, but as we can see here my beliefs on that is changing slowly but surely.
Between figuring out who I was, childhood trauma, growing through adolescence, university, volatile relationships and friendships, I was a complete and utter mess. No word of a lie, you could see the struggle, pain and hardness on my face. It was a lot, but there is better. Those who knew me then to now will tell you that I’m a far cry from the young woman they first met.
Years later I can laugh at how dramatic, naive and emotional I was, I’m grateful for that valuable lesson. It’s a contributing factor to who I am today, both good and bad.
My advice for healing? I can’t put it down to one thing, it’s a combination of things. I’ll list a few practices that helped me and still do (and I use this for all things):
We should do these things irrespective of a significant other but for some reason we find it difficult to be committed to another and ourselves simultaneously. If we learn how to do this we can never lose our way, at least not for long.
Some days won’t be great and other days you’ll feel the progress, during both keep pushing forward.
This journey is full of highs and lows, respect them and they will make you a better person.