Tag Archives: fear

I Could, I Should, I Might?

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cc5a9b14-ac0b-48cd-87a3-7f751557ba9eI have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better.

Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out.

I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple of years which technically isn’t a problem. The distinction here is that I had no clarity on any of it. I would umm and ahh over everything, and I do mean everything.

I couldn’t decide if I was coming or going. Do I want to live in London or Manchester? Do I want to travel to a different country and work there or stay here? Do I want to buy a house or rent one? Do I want live in an apartment or a semi detached house? Do I want this type of job or to not work in this field at all? Do I want to be in a relationship or not? And this conversation continued in almost every area of my life. It stayed that way up until recently when I had a durh or as Oprah would say an ‘aha’ moment.

No wonder I had been stressed out and felt utterly unaccomplished, I had no idea what I truly wanted. I flip flopped out of fear of making a decision that would cost me. I didn’t want to unduly suffer again for a terrible choice I made, but guess what that meant? I didn’t do anything.

I had no clear sense of direction and therefore could not confidently take action towards anything, and that ultimately resulted in little to no result.

The lesson here is if you’re in a period of confusion and not knowing what way to go, just pick one. We spend a lot of time trying to avoid past mistakes but sometimes that leads to inaction and frustration, not to mention wasted energy.

The point of living is to live and that cannot happen if you’re second guessing everything. The only thing happening by doing that is building fear muscles and we certainly don’t want that.

Get clear on what you want and stick to it. It’s almost impossible to move forward without having an idea of what it is you want, how do you expect the universe to help you out when you keep giving her mixed signals?

Take a chance today and make a choice. Even if it doesn’t work out how you imagined, you still would have learned something you didn’t know before and that believe it or not is progression.

Xo

First Impressions

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img_7832Since being away I have been plagued with the tales that I have heard about this country as a child. Sometimes I’m uneasy because of it. I have lived here and loved it but that part, that part never went away.

I can’t seem to shake of those stories that I heard and watched on TV. It hasn’t mattered much that I have never seen proof to support those claims, yet it still invades my mind as if I have lived it. It has affected my experience here and this is simply down to how they introduced the culture to me at age 5 on my first visit.

However, I am challenging those perspectives, as I realise how stupid those beliefs are.

Imagine that?! The things I was shown and told has shaped my thoughts for 26 years! If that’s not a reason to be mindful of first impressions I don’t know what is.

And yes whilst it’s possible to change someone view, but it’s seldom easy to do so. 

The New Year is 5 days away and I’m sure some of us have a few changes we’d like to make. As you make them, please consider how you speak of a thing or person as it has the potential to have a lasting impression that may never shift. Be thoughtful about the words you speak and consider the impact it could have.

Your words are powerful, use them wisely and make the first impression count.

Xo

Gratitude

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img_1716Wait till it’s taken away from you, maybe you’ll remember to be grateful for what you have in future.

It’s so easily done isn’t it? Things are good, every area of your life is booming as you’ve always wanted, ‘you’ve got it like that’…until you don’t, and all hell breaks loose.

Part of the pain we experience when times are rough, is guilt. We experience guilt for not being appreciative of what we had, we reminisce and regret the haughtiness we had in thinking that this will be forever. Still, in those hard times, we should be grateful because there is always something to be thankful for.

I often experience an uncomfortable ease when a terrible thing happens and suddenly there’s an urgent call to love your loved ones as it’s short lived. It does not cultivate the solid essence of being grateful because it stems from fear. And yes I’m definitely a culprit.

Being grateful is to do so irrespective of what you do or don’t have. The benefits are clear.
From the simplest, most mundane and normal things to the major changes and transitions, have gratitude, for the love of it, not for the fear of it, even when it’s tough.

Xo

Thoughts Become Things

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facetune_22-10-2018-19-30-58My contract is ending soon. The nature of the job means expecting it to terminate at any moment. I know this and had been mentally preparing myself for what could happen next. Out of nowhere I started to think about finances, could I manage if I didn’t get another contract for a little while? Will all my hard work of having everything in order go in the toilet? I could feel the fear beginning to surge through me from my stomach into my head and back down.

I caught it. I reaffirmed that I will be good no matter what and dismissed any other thoughts that contradicted it.

Being able to do that is years of self-awareness and practice. Not all thoughts that travel in and through our minds are our own or ones we want to cultivate and it’s crucial to be able to consciously filter them out.

You might think it’s just one thought, a mere sentence, but it’s bigger than that, it’s a seed. A seed that has the power to create something greater and permanent. Think about it, a tree didn’t always look like a tree.

If we allow ourselves to be consumed with thoughts and things that we do not like nor want, it limits the space we have to receive more of what we do want.

This week, become conscious of what you’re thinking because your mind is fertile ground for what happens next.

xo

Trapped

22 Saturday Apr 2017

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You’ve been trying a ting* for a while now but it’s not quite working.

One possible reason is this: You’re living in your head!

What do I mean by that? There are certain things you say to yourself on a daily basis that contradict what you deeply want for your life. You hold incapacitating beliefs that limit your ability to make your dreams a reality.

You’ve held onto these things for so long that whatever you attempt to do is really futility at its best. You’re living small, acting small, doing enough to look like you’re doing something, all the while, side stepping doing the VERY thing that will make a massive difference to your life. Your fears and insecurities make you a spectator to the life you really want to lead, in other words, it’s bitch.

Take me for example; I believe that what I do IS valuable to someone, yet my other thought is, who the hell will listen to me? Who would even care about what I have to say? No one cares!

Unsurprisingly, there are going to be behaviours that follow these thoughts, like not speaking up, not promoting your work, being critical of yourself and so on.

But enough is enough! As my mother would say, ‘Time waits for no man’.

If you want a different experience, you have to think and do things in a way you have never done before. Say f*ck it and just do it. Not half-heartedly, not cowering, do it with your chest! There’s no other way to get around it or over it. No matter how silly or unqualified you might feel, do it anyway. It’s the only way you’re going to get closer to living the way you truly want.

It could be buying a home, speaking to that family member, setting up a business, starting YouTube, getting an agent, returning to university, sky diving, travelling to another country alone, ending that dead relationship, clearing your debt, changing careers, whatever it is, know that you can do it.

Free yourself from the things someone once told you about yourself, the things you have told yourself, the belief systems that have crippled you and begin a new, more edifying conversation, starting with believing in your-bl**dclart-self!

You can, you will, you have.

Xo

P.s Ting is a Caribbean/London slang for ‘a thing’…that was obvious right? Anyway bye.

Hey, Listen Up!

07 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Dreams, Experiences, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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Hi Guys,

My real name is Irene and erm I have a tendency to saunter off when life gets manic but I’m working on it and I hope you can stick with me.

Pretty please…?

Thank you!

Xoxo

Okay, we’ve established that I’m guilty of going away and my excuse is I have been traveling, I visited Paris ooh la la. I don’t mean to sound like I am full of excuses because I am not. Well, not really, they are more like reasons, yes reasons, reasons sound better.

Anyway, I hope you have been doing fabulously! Let’s talk.

I was saying to someone yesterday, that it is so much easier to believe in someone else’s hype than your own. Why is that? :s
Take me for example, I personally believe everyone can fly if they want to, but to fill out an application form for myself sometimes is like Mount Kilimanjaro -_- .Not because I cannot do it, but if truth be told because I am not sure I’ll get it and dealing with rejection is a mother******.  The kicker is how am I supposed to get it, if I do not do the work that is required? However, ask me to jump off a ledge and I’d sooner do that than apply for a role. It is a strange conundrum I know but we’re going to mend it!

I can talk your ear off about affirmations, positivity, and all that stuff but, something has to change and the catalyst for that is action.

Let’s be about it, I am all about making leaps and bounds this year and shaking off those gremlins that have been gnawing at my/our brain ( gross I know) and preventing us from living the life we have always wanted to.  I am therefore challenging you to a duel with me, not really a duel, but to intentionally do the things that scare you shitless. I mean that thing that merely thinking about it, gives you the shits. Don’t front, we have all experienced that intense nervousness. That nervousness which you experience may be an indication of something that you really, really, really need to do.

How else are you going to make your dreams a reality, if you don’t switch up your regular, mundane, dry chapped lipped routine?  You must inject some life, some oomph, some je ne sais quoi into it!

Stop playing small and cowering away, step outside your comfort zone.

Oh and because I am not fear’s b*tch (lol I am on one today), I am sending part of my manuscript to two publishers this week, whoa!

You gon’ learn ta day!

XO

P.s Irene has been abducted and the above post was written by a clone named Irina. We do apologise if this post caused offence, sike!

Are you willing?

28 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Dreams, Experiences, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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To pay the price that is.

Ask anyone what they want and 8/10 times they’ll have to think about it for a few minutes. Ask them what they don’t want and they’ll begin to list it off at lightning speed, myself included. When they do eventually tell you what they want and you follow up with this next question, “What are you doing to make that happen?” they start to foam at the mouth because they haven’t done anything. How can we want something when we have done nothing to help the situation? Where and on what planet does that make sense? It doesn’t.

It’s definitely time to realign yourself, and fast. Get with the real program of your life, not this fake one you have concocted. I say concocted because you’re living with two different parallels, the one you want but won’t work for because you’re afraid and the one you don’t want but work for every day, that my friend is a concoction for disaster.

I must confess, I’m quite the dreamer or maybe it’s that I’m spoilt? I can talk a pretty good game but my execution isn’t always as tight. I want things to happen the way I imagined, and not the way it’s usually been set out before me. In short, I want the easy way out, always, the easy way out-Who doesn’t? But life, easy? Nope. The gag is, the easy way out is usually more costly than the hard route.

You ever buy a cheap item thinking you’re saving, but it breaks down 2 seconds after using it, and you end up buying the expensive one and now that’s even more money than you anticipated spending because you were trying cut costs, cheap ass- Just kidding! Gets me every time.

I was thinking about this task that I set myself to own a property and I had a lightbulb moment. I realised the solution has been right under my nose this whole entire time and then I started to think about all the things I would have to do to maintain it. It.Suddenly.Felt.Overwhelming Ugh.

Actually, actually on second thought, maybe I don’t want it, in fact I know I don’t want it, whose idea was this anyway?…Sound familiar?

We do it all the time, whenever we begin to broach uncharted waters and the boat begins to rock, rather than ride it out, we want a life boat to come along and save us.

How long are you going to do that for? Times a ticking and in my case I’m sure I’ll blink and suddenly be 60 years old wondering where all the time has gone.

Think of it this way, if every time shit got scary or tough, you screamed for a life boat, will you ever attain that goal? Like ever? Doubt it. I mean I don’t mean to doubt you per se, butttt ummm the proof is in the pudding.

Getting what you want in life WILL require sacrifice and not necessarily the roasting of a pig on a stick, with fire burning beneath it, sort of sacrifice, but close.

Nothing worth having comes easy, and if it comes easy, well easy come, easy go.

So I ask you again, are you willing? Stop playing small for fear of failing, stop it.

In order to have what you want, you have to go out on a limb (I have only just understood what that phrase really means) and just jump. We’re pretty amazing at anything and when push comes to shove we find ways to rise to the occasion. This or that would be no different.

Think more of what you truly want and less of what you don’t want and make plans towards making it happen!

XO

PS And erm yeah if this owning a property business doesn’t work out, can someone put me up for a few weeks, months, a year maybe? Thanks in advance.

PPS Oo ooo oo I just saw this quote on the gram, “Worrying is a misuse of your imagination”. Let that marinate.

Facing my fears one by one: Dans Le Noir

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, Travel, Uncategorized

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I’m always open to trying new things, you cannot know if you like something until you do it.

Last Sunday I did something that if I had known the full extent of what it entailed, I wouldn’t have done it. Nope not I.

I had heard about this restaurant called Dans Le Noir, which in english is ‘In the Dark’. I had wanted to go for a while now, but the chance hadn’t presented itself. The premise of the restaurant is that you dine in the dark.

One fateful day last week, my friend invited me and of course I leapt at the opportunity, finally, I get to go!

The day of reckoning had arrived and after telling my other very dry friends (lol) also known as enemies of progress, what I was about to do, they proceeded to tell me ALLLLLL the things that could go wrong, including finding a maggot in my food?!

Naturally, I start to get nervous, especially as I’m an exceptionally picky eater. I defiantly tell them that I am still going and that there’s nothing they can do to dissuade me. At this point the really dark part hadn’t quite dawned on me.

I meet up with my friend who I was attending dinner with, and he begins to give me a better idea of what it would be like as he had been before some years back.

I am told the waiters are blind and about the blackness I am about to go into.

I heard him but I didn’t REALLY hear him because when I say, nothing prepares you for the dining experience, I mean absolutely nothing!

You think your eyes will adjust and you’ll see something, nope not happening.

It’s time to go in, I place my hand on the shoulder of the waiter Fabio as he leads us into the dining area.

OH.MY.GOODNESS

It

Was

Dark

Once seated, I begin to hyperventilate because the place feels small, not that I would know because I couldn’t see anything (i’m claustrophobic) and on top of that I forgot something quite crucial. I have a fear of going blind.

I truly felt what it might be like to be blind and for me it was an eye opener,literally. I was so appreciative of Fabio, who was incredibly helpful and polite.

In a way it’s good that I wasn’t prepared because I never would have done it. I wanted to sprint towards the door, but that would have been a futile attempt for obvious reasons.

Thankfully my friend was there and managed to get me to relax, which was no easy task. I’m grateful I was with him otherwise I would not have stayed and faced my fear in this way.

What I loved about it was the sense of freedom it gave, in that you could speak freely and without judgement. You also bonded with the other diners because you were all sharing a very rare experience together. There were no distractions, just you, your company and the darkness as companions and this meant you were really able to engage with them and others around you.

Will I do it again? Not any time soon, give me a minute. In the future, possibly.

Should you do it? Absolutely! Try it once.

What’s next on the list? Well sky diving durrh 😉

XO

A Prison Sentence

08 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by in More Action, Motivation, Self-Development

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A Prison Sentence

I started watching OITNB from season one recently and boy did it give me a reality check.

While watching it, I kept uttering to myself I will not go to prison, not for anything, not simply because of the prison culture in itself, the mere thought of being confined to a room and striped of freedom is grave punishment enough for someone like me.

Ironically, the more I watched it, the more I started to think, are we really that different? One of the characters said and I paraphrase, the only difference between you and I, is that when I did bad things I didn’t get caught-I think some of us can attest to that.Some of us are one good/ bad decision away from a life changing moment.

I looked around my current settings and examined what made me any different to them? They had a room, I have a room, they weren’t at liberty to do what they wanted when they wanted, I am… but was I truly? I pondered on whether the choices I made every day were reflective of the life I truly wanted to live- the answer is a resounding no.

Many of us are living out a prison sentence and we don’t even know it. We have become incarcerated by our past, fears, habits and perspectives.

I’d be the first to admit that one of my fears was created and built upon solely by me. I built a mansion out of it (I think I’m a pretty good architect, ok probably not a good thing in this sense). It started off small, but every day I added to it and before I knew it, it was colossal. I berated myself and made constant comparisons of myself to others and over time it reached a point that I was “in fact” useless.  I have since recognised that this is not true and is something I work on daily to undo the damage I had caused for all those years.

Every day we write the next chapter in our lives by what we tell ourselves, cemented further by what we do. Picture this, you have a bouquet of beautiful flowers and we know that in order for it to last long enough, we have to nurture it.  Assuming you don’t water it, give it the necessary light or feed it its prescribed plant food, by the end of two weeks, you will have no doubt , a vase of withered and lifeless flowers. Is there any way of reviving this and bringing it back to its full former glory? I am yet to see this happen. You need to be nurtured every single day, it is your principal duty ,not anyone else’s to feed, water and nourish yourself.

Be mindful of what you listen to, what you watch and who you allow to influence your life, the impact on your mental state is more than you realise.

I remember being about 11 years old and constantly hearing from my school peers that a girl having a muscular physique was unattractive, especially having defined calf muscles.  I happened to fit that bill and for the longest while, I would go to great lengths to conceal my body for risk of being called something that I was not. At about 17 I had one person say to me you have nice legs (If my head could have spun around, it would have) and that it was something they found attractive, “what?!” Needless to say that was the beginning of me embracing myself and showing ‘the finger’ to those people, which might I add aren’t doing so well and are desperately hitting the gym *Does shoulder shimmy*.

To mentally emancipate yourself, it will require a daily dose of restructuring, from what you visually see, hear, do and tell yourself. For every thought you don’t wish to embody, you must PRACTICE counteracting it with something you do want. We talk and focus SO much on everything we don’t want and end up creating more of that very same thing -Whatever marinates, you generate. Listen what do you have to lose? You’ve spent your whole life living it mentally and physically unhappy, why not do something different and be on course for something more enriching?

Anything worth it must be maintained, otherwise you will lose it and this applies to everything! When you stay at a 4/5*hotel room, you expect it to be well-kept, comfortable, and luxurious even. For it to be that way, it is sustained by a team of expert cleaners, who laboriously clean the rooms, every single day. It should of course look and feel brand new. Suppose the cleaners and maintenance team don’t attend to their daily duties, when you visit, in what state should you expect to find the room in? The same respect should be given to yourself.

A thought in order to become a habit must be reinforced by action- ‘Think’ inside out.  Anything is possible 🙂

Getting Uncomfortable

19 Tuesday Aug 2014

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Getting Uncomfortable

I have a burning desire to live life with as much vigour as possible, in the best way conceivable. However, I realised that if I am to do this, then it is high time that I step completely out of my comfort zone, eek!

If you want to change your life, then everything needs to change. I’ll repeat that, if you want to change your life, EVERYTHING needs to change. It is impossible to change only one aspect of your life and expect that the rest will remain unaffected. Only one master can rule and take precedence.

Assuming you are trying to become a body builder, it is not enough for you to simply work out more because your fitness is also determined by what you eat. It is not enough for you to change what you eat without adjusting your eating patterns. It is not enough for you to change your eating patterns without studying your body and how it responds to different things. Along side these changes will come a different set of people that will be like-minded if not, I can assure you that your growth will be staggered-Iron sharpens iron. Hope you understand where I am going with this…

There is a cause and effect of everything and for those good things to materialise in your life, you need to reconfigure your actions from what you use to do, to what will bring about a different result or desired change.

It is principal that you comprehend that wherever you start, is only the beginning and will need to be developed further in order to experience any quality results. Some people start something and (it’s great that you’ve started) and assume that everything will fall into place automatically because of it, it is not so. These things require consistency. As mentioned in a previous post consistency is key!

With this in mind, I have a question for you…Do you stick to what you know because the fear of the unknown is greater than the desire to change? If this is the case then you have some reconfiguring to do. Imagine if everyone was to stick to the status quo? How boring would life be? Dare to be different and take chances. The people that see the most results are those that are constantly making the effort towards their desired goal and trust me it is anything but comfortable for them. There’s no magic to it aside from being consistent and having the strong will to be relentless in pursuit of your objective.

One common feeling shared by the elderly is how they wished they did more and took more chances. All those worries they had then, seem minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Don’t wait till you’re knocking on deaths door before deciding to do what you’ve always wanted to do. Let that not be your defibrillator because it may just be too late.

I know a major part of embarking on any journey is what others will think of you, my thoughts are F’ em!(as in forget them :P). Don’t consume yourself with thoughts of what if they don’t like it or me.  When you do this, you are essentially negotiating the terms and conditions of your life based on what someone else might think of you-doesn’t make sense to afford someone else such rights. Especially when these same said people neither have the balls to do it themselves nor will they consult you when conducting their business. Why therefore should your efforts be steered towards such things? As far as I am concerned it’s none of my business.

At the end of the day what’s the worst that could happen? It’s either it doesn’t work out or you don’t like it, life still goes on.

In whichever way possible, coerce yourself into doing something different and maintain that practice. With time you will become more open minded and effectively increase the willingness to explore things. It will also aid in causing you to think outside the box.

As I mentioned in the “Don’t you dare give up!” post it serves little purpose in focussing on the ‘how’ as that will become clear as you begin and continue on. The tendency is you will get stuck if you concentrate on the pragmatics of doing something, do it however you know how.

Five things to bear in mind for this week:

  1. Get clear on what you want to do this week, let’s call it your fear factor of the week. It might be something like attending an event alone or presenting a business proposal. The best way to grow is by action. You cannot grow if you remain under the same conditions you’ve always been in.
  2. Whatever you decide on, get it done asap! Don’t wait another moment to get started, otherwise you will talk yourself out of it. Even if it’s making that phone call, sending that email or filming that video,just make a start. The sooner you start the easier it is to continue and the harder it becomes to stop, make sense?
  3. Feed it. Once you’ve started don’t leave it there, push forward with it. It’s important that you water what you’ve sown, if not you’ll lose momentum and the fear you initially had may become stronger and appear less achievable.
  4. Find someone who can be accountable for you and your goals. Preferably someone who is doing what you want to do. Oh and please don’t tell everyone what you are doing when you start out as everyone has an opinion and you can easily become deterred once they begin to give their unsolicited advice -_-. (Yes, they may mean well but it is not always helpful)
  5. Have one thing to conquer every week. Proceed onto the next thing once you have achieved it. Remember the only limitations you have are the ones you have accepted. It only takes as long as you do.

Signed LBC

Ps. I’m doing two fear factors this week wish me luck!