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~ To A Life Worth Living xo

lipstickandblackcoffee

Tag Archives: Feelings

In My Feelings

04 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life

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Tags

Anger, anxiety, Balance, Brexit, Emotions, EU, Feelings, Hurt, Oppress, Pain, Pendulum, Repressed, Suppress, Travelling, UK, Yin Yang

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. 
Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it…

Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have done for over a decade.
It’s the not the mode of transportation that’s nerve-wracking. It’s the mandatory, and sometimes very unnecessary red tape that has me feeling out of sorts. 

I was on my way back into London from France, and needless to say things have changed. 
I can’t queue up with my European mates anymore. I don’t belong and it’s a sad sad affair.

The process made me feel like an other, and I, like most people, do not like to feel like an other.
That, along with other new procedures and the Edna doppelganger cutting one of my cherished pieces of jewelry to smithereens made the journey unpleasant.
Welcome to post-brexit. 

I couldn’t ‘hummm’ or ‘kumbaya my lord’ out of this one and that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset as long as you don’t do anything irresponsible or regrettable. 

Anyway what’s my point? My point is I’m human and have off days, low moments and stressful periods, and experiencing these things, even for extended periods of time is perfectly normal. 
I’ll say it again, is perfectly normal. 

In such times, and you’ve probably not heard this enough, refrain from self flagellation of any kind.
Instead, feel the feels and let it pass through. Don’t suppress it, because you’re not a stuffed teddy void of emotions, you’re human and all feelings are a natural part of being alive.

For whatever reason, society has only made “good” emotions permissible. The rest is shunned and considered abominable.
No wonder we’re perpetually miserable! We’ve been repressed since we were children, and told that it’s not okay to cry, or to be angry, or to be jealous or whatever other emotion is considered unacceptable. As a consequence, these suppressed emotions sometimes manifest itself through our bodies in the form of (a) dis-ease.

Yin and yang - Wikipedia

The irony is, those taboo emotions are part of the Yin and Yang, and a pendulum swings both ways for a reason; balance.

So if you are angry, be angry, if you are hurt, be hurt, if you are sad, be sad. The only caveat with this, is to not act in a way that is detrimental to you or others.
Let your emotions exist without judgment. By doing this is how you begin to exercise mastery over self. You gain a better understanding of who you are and what belongs to you, and over time and with practice, you can observe the emotions and consciously choose what you do next…it will be your superpower.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.

Oscar Wilde

Xo 

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by Irene Ephraim December 2, 2021December 2, 2021

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My First Time

14 Monday May 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Love

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Effects, Emotions, Feelings, Hurt, Husband, Journey, Love, Meditate, Men, Pain, Pray, Relationships, self love, Strength, Unrequited Love, Wife, Women

I was in love once. You never forget your first time.

I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth.

…And with first loves comes first heartbreak and mine was one of the worst experiences to date, I’d never wish it upon my enemy. My mind convinced me that I will not get over it and be the same. Part of that is true, I was never the same but I certainly did get over it.

Although the pain of it is long forgotten, the effects still remain and I am continuously working on undoing it all. I have not been “in love” since, as I inadvertently made it conditional. The ones after him didn’t stand a chance, the bar was set stupidly high.

Now that isn’t to say I consistently made good decisions, I definitely did not. I did become fiercely protective over how close you could get and mastered the skill of not showing much emotion. To me, showing emotion was a sign of weakness and being vulnerable a terrible thing, but as we can see here my beliefs on that is changing slowly but surely.

Between figuring out who I was, childhood trauma, growing through adolescence, university, volatile relationships and friendships, I was a complete and utter mess. No word of a lie, you could see the struggle, pain and hardness on my face. It was a lot, but there is better. Those who knew me then to now will tell you that I’m a far cry from the young woman they first met.

Years later I can laugh at how dramatic, naive and emotional I was, I’m grateful for that valuable lesson. It’s a contributing factor to who I am today, both good and bad.

My advice for healing? I can’t put it down to one thing, it’s a combination of things. I’ll list a few practices that helped me and still do (and I use this for all things):

  1. Don’t rush the process by acting as if it didn’t happen or that you don’t feel anything. You’ll do yourself a disservice by being in denial and it will only manifest in other areas of your life in a greater way including disease. It’s that deep. Give it the space to breathe and go through the motions, it’s the only way to come out on the other side. It’s perfectly okay to admit that you’re hurt.
  2. Do be proactive in your healing. Get around your loved ones, do the things you enjoy doing, find a worthy project to direct your energy towards, write down your feelings, or get help if you need to. The aforementioned will help immensely but it won’t exclude you from forgetting or feeling the pain, it’ll be very present. You could be in the midst of doing the most exciting thing and boom, your mind thinks of them and it throws you off, keep going. With each passing day, it’ll get better.
  3. Practice self-love. Unfortunately this isn’t something we’re often taught, but the best way I can describe it is to love yourself how you would want the love of your life to love you. For example, you would want them to speak to you kindly, to encourage you, to support your dreams and help make them a reality, to treat you to nice things, to have once in lifetime experiences, to show compassion, to see you as your best self…all of that and more, do for yourself.
  4. Invest in yourself.
  5. Whether you’re a person of faith or not, pray, meditate or journal.

We should do these things irrespective of a significant other but for some reason we find it difficult to be committed to another and ourselves simultaneously. If we learn how to do this we can never lose our way, at least not for long.

Some days won’t be great and other days you’ll feel the progress, during both keep pushing forward.

This journey is full of highs and lows, respect them and they will make you a better person.

Xo

How Does It Feel?

20 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, Thoughts in motion

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Affect, Drug, Effect, Feelings, Friday, Heart, Lesson, life, Love, Maya Angelou, Men, Pain, power, Relationships, Responsiblity, Sex, Women

How Does It Feel?

The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now.

I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it.

I found myself in a little bit of a predicament where I was really struggling to let something go. I sat there and thought about it, ‘What really is the issue here? why can’t you just let go and move on?’ and then it dawned on me, it was the way they made me feel.

It had been quite a long time since I was stirred (ew don’t be a freak) and in all honesty I liked it and had difficulty detaching myself when it turned out to be a bad fit. Even with the things said and done, it wasn’t enough to easily cut loose, the feelings kept it afloat.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all endured a lot of crap from someone we shouldn’t, but because of how we felt about them or how they made us feel we quickly forgave their transgressions.

Isn’t that how a lot of relationships between people are formed, based on feelings which then become attachments? Some relationships are easy to sever and others not so much for this very reason. We’re blinded by their ability to make us feel good, alive or whatever the positive impact we feel they have and in short, it’s addictive.

It’s a powerful drug, as everything we do is about how we feel. Coincidentally, what we get back is often a response to that. And this isn’t strictly between people, it’s everything! Money, family, jobs, health, food… how we feel about these things govern how we treat them.

So the next time you’re having difficulty understanding what’s happening in your life, ask yourself,’how does it make me feel?’and you should soon discover the root and hopefully the solution to your dilemma.

Knowing this, is both a gift and a curse, use it wisely, as just as others have the power to affect you, you have the power to affect others.

Xo

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

23 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, Relationships

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challenge, change, Feelings, growth, Identity, Internal, Lessons, lifestyle, Love, Mind, Mindset, Negative, Perfect, Positive, problem, relationship, self, self love, Self-care, Thoughts, writer

Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

Day 3: Flights and Feelings

28 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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Tags

Black Coffee, Counselling, Family, Feelings, Flights, Gym, Holiday, life, lifestyle, Lipstick, Love, Taboo, Therapy, Work

You know I said I was going to the gym last night right? Well, I didn’t quite make it.

I took the selfie below and immediately after, I was struck with a very painful belly ache. It felt like someone was wringing out my stomach, hurt like a mother! I decided to forgo the gym for that night. Who knows what the belly ache was protecting me from?…

IMG_1738

Work today has been hectic, I’m lying, most days at work are hectic! Still, it’s not been a bad day except for me leaving work late again, which means I’ll probably be late again for my counselling session this evening.

Yup, you read right, coun-sel-ling- ses-sion. Times have changed, its not for ‘specific’ people anymore, its for everyone.

Say it with me “It’s for everyone!”.

With the right counsellor you can really make progress in certain areas in your life. What they are able to do is to get you to think, extract and create solutions whilst redirecting you to focal points in your life that need addressing. You might even consider me a counsellor of sorts (without the qualifications) in that I often provide a different perspective on things. They needn’t be seen as some taboo nor should you see yourself as broken if you have one.

In the year that I have been going, it’s helped immensely to have an unbiased ear to listen to my woes and gripes with life. If you have ever pondered on it, I say go for it! Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on this for too long, maybe I’ll share my experience at a later point.

*coughs * can I highlight that I am sharing things here that my nearest and dearest don’t know, sooo let’s keep this a secret okay? (she says whilst posting it on the world wide web, instant fail).

I’m getting off the bus and rushing there now. I’ll be back after my ‘appointment’- I prefer the word appointment, session in this context makes me feel weird. Don’t judge me I haven’t entirely made peace with all parts of counselling, bite me!

1900 hours

Today’s appointment was interesting.  My counsellor threatened me. Okay she didn’t (Ms Drama Queen Irene), she gave me an assignment that was non-negotiable, but is that not a threat?! Lol.  She has a point though, with previous assignments I generally don’t remember to do them, my mind is too busy. She informed me that if I don’t do it she has a surprise for me, pffft nice choice of words. I didn’t like the sound of that ‘surprise’ so after this I’m going to get started…tomorrow, no, Friday.

They came to check the damages to my car today for repair womp womp womp! It’s great that it’ll get fixed but the cost? 2 years no claims bonus lost, pay the excess and you just KNOW my insurance premium next year is going to be horrible! If you have any ideas how to avoid this, please, please, please let me know. However, I do intend on getting my bike license soon, maybe this would be the right time to abandon driving and get riding.

Before I go, I have to share that my baby brother went on his first holiday today and it tugged on little heart * cries *. Sure, he’s 19 but he will ALWAYS be my baby brother, forever! There’s an 11 year age gap between us so he feels more like my child as does my sister.

He doesn’t need me anymore, this indeed is a sad time 😦 .

Little Brother

Thats all, see ya and yes I will be going to the gym today.

Xo

P.s I’ll talk about the hashtag #NakedinSummer in my selfie tomorrow. It makes sense, trust me.

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?! is a podcast speaking on the things you should know, but don't. The things you typically find out after the fact, and it's sometimes too late. Fear not, Why Didn't You Warn Me?! with Irene aka Lipstick, will give you the 411 through story-telling, conversations, and refreshing perspectives.

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