Tag Archives: friendships

Sometimes the devil… is you.

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, Relationships

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Strong words huh? Well it was intentional.

Whatever your religious background,(unless you’re a Satanist :s) I think most of us would agree that the devil is seen as destructive. 

You’re probably scrunching up your face right now, and I need you to just bear with me for a few more moments.

It is about responsibility and actions. It’s easy to blame someone else for your plights, without acknowledging the part you played in being destructive. 

Some people perpetually live in a place of life is not fair, it will never happen to me, woe is me and so on, not realizing the energy they have contributed in created those unfavourable set of circumstances or outcome.

For example, you are fired from your job. Typically, you might deem yourself to be the righteous one, the one that has been wronged, the one who hasn’t done anything to deserve such treatment and the likelihood is, that’s the story you will sell to anyone who cares to listen.

Let’s look at the actual circumstances, you were consistently late, had a nonchalant attitude to work, didn’t interact well with your colleagues, produced satisfactory work and made more than a few gross and costly mistakes during the course of your employment. From the business point of view, you were in fact, not good for business and consequently they chose to terminate your contract.  

Are they wrong for doing so? Or were your actions the deciding factor?

Okay that might not apply to you, let’s look at something else, accommodation. You never pay your rent on time or in full and have repeatedly kept up that practice for a year now. The landlord now wants you out of their property immediately. You begin to cry wolf and how unfortunate you are, yet you failed to uphold your commitment to pay rent in full every month for the past 12 months. In your case it wasn’t that you did not have the funds,you’d just rather spend it elsewhere on othings that are not easily quantifiable.

Is the landlord now to blame for the action they have decided to take going forward?

Maybe you’re a student and you were given coursework to hand in by a set date. You missed the deadline but the teacher used their discretion to allow you to submit your work. You finally receive your grade and you’re not happy with it and consider raising this with your teacher. What did happen was that you you didn’t proof read your work or check punctuation, nor did you spend enough time doing the research required to generate a high quality of work, you then spent the last couple of days trying to scramble a piece of  work together and submit it.

Was the teacher being unfair to you or was it that you didn’t do the work required in order to pass well?

It’s your birthday and you’d like to celebrate it with some friends. The day comes and only a couple of them turn up. You begin to feel sad, unloved and unappreciated. What you failed to realise is that you had been quite mean to some of them over the past few months. You had also made very little effort to check in on them and support them as they had done you. 

Is it a surprise they felt no desire to show up and celebrate with you?

The demise in some cases is by our own doing and until we take full responsibility for that, we will continue to have the same experiences over and over again

My mother would always say to me as you make your bed, so you lie it.

Take the time out today to do some introspection. Examine whether there were things you could have done better or can do better, then make a commitment to correct and improve those areas of your life. 

XO

Relationships: You need to cut it

15 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Life, Motivational & Intentional, Relationships

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Relationships, friendships, situationships, familyships = Work

When you’re single you think, wouldn’t it be great to be in a relationship? And when you’re in a relationship, being single sounds like a wonderful idea- The grass always seems greener on the other side.

The truth is every type of relationship requires consistency, effort, and most certainly compromise. It’s work, the grass is greener where you nurture it.

People have the impression that relationships (all forms) are supposed to be easy, fun, like they appear in the movies. When it doesn’t fit that idealistic picture, then the answer is to cut them out.

The attitude that there’s plenty more fish in the sea in this society is very much rampant and although that statement might be true, the focus should always be on quality not quantity. Quality and edifying relationships are hard to come by and when you have them, they should be valued and respected accordingly, rather than disposed of.

I often see on social media declarations like, ‘I’ll cut that person off’ or ‘I have no qualms cutting people off’ as if it’s an accomplishment *Slow claps*. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t behave like this when I was younger, I was ruthless albeit justified in some cases by very humble opinion. Over time I learnt the value of nourishing relationships, which includes telling people the hard truth (and also hearing it) and making the effort to make it work.

Was and is it easy? Heck no. Many times I want to be stubborn and hold on to my pride for dear life, because temporarily that will make me feel better. In the long run you will suffer.

You cannot jump from friend to friend, relationship to relationship and the like, just because you don’t like something they did it or said. You will find that whomever you are with and wherever you go, the problem remains. Shirking your issues with others won’t make them disappear.

In order to have the kind of loving, nurturing, healthy relationships that you desire, you must take responsibility and approach it with a level of maturity that sometimes, may not be present in others.

If it means something to you, then treat it that way, if it is no longer worth it to you, have the decency to respectfully leave it peace and not in pieces.

XO

Boy meets Girl or maybe not…You decide.

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

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Boy meets Girl or maybe not…You decide.

What happened to the good ol’ days where boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married have babies, grow old together and eventually depart this earth? Of course this isn’t everyone’s ideal, but follow me with this thought for a minute.

It seems as though this type of structure is becoming a rarity to say the least. Having long-lasting and healthy relationships is no longer held as being desirable.
The young generation’s focus is about getting a man to buy them things in order to keep up appearances and be objectified, which undoubtedly comes at a price. Additionally, we have the men vying for women’s attention using various antics and materialistic things to entice them without any real thought in having more substance. Indubitably, this is not all men and women however, the aforementioned tend to be the ones gaining the attention and having their irresponsible voices heard, whilst those that edify one’s life for the better are regularly ignored.
I guess it’s because bad news spreads like wild fire and good news trickles along. Just take a look at the programmes on TV or the headlines that make the news, you don’t exactly tune in to be uplifted but I digress.

People often complain about the lack of prospective mates and the scarcity of good people, I don’t believe this to be true. I believe the onus is on the individual to alter their line of thought, perspective and action in order to gravitate towards what they want. How you think will affect how you see things and ultimately will determine how you act.

Now my initial intention for this post was to highlight what I believed we are doing wrong, the causes, social media, celebrities’ et al but I’ve decided against that and would like to give ten tips on meeting new people in its place.

So let’s take it back to basics and strip off all the extras. You don’t have to adopt these methods but each one can and will make a difference if applied.

1. Smile. I promise you, your face won’t break (obviously don’t smile like a Cheshire cat as someone might think you need special help and you’ll surely attract unwanted attention especially if you are in London, we can be a miserable set of people at times), nonetheless, I do advise you to try it. Recount a time a stranger smiled at you for no apparent reason, I’m hoping it made you feel good. This simple act can instantly affect your mood positively, it’s like yawning, once you yawn, so does everyone else around you, it’s contagious. People tend to mirror your actions so be mindful of what you do. If you don’t fancy smiling then relax your face, you may not realise it but a lot of people keep tension in their face because they are consumed with worry and other thoughts. Do this exercise wherever you are right now, repeat in your mind to “relax your face” say this a few times and as you do this, gently massage your face and you’ll notice a difference. Worry lines don’t just appear, I’m just saying.

2. Be polite to the people you come across. It never hurts to be nice even if the recipient is not. How you react is your business how they respond is theirs.

3. Have a good attitude. A good attitude goes a mighty long way and you will inadvertently attract good fortune. It is very easy to have a bad attitude with the stresses of life and everyone feeling so “entitled” but whenever you are tempted to do so, take a moment , readjust your attitude and respond differently. Needless to say the results can be highly rewarding. I have always thought why should someone’s bad behaviour dictate how I behave?

4. Be open to meeting different people from all walks of life. Ever met someone who you initially didn’t think much of at first but later on turned out to be an amazing person? I have and I can say it would have been a crying shame to have missed out on knowing someone like that. Don’t limit yourself based on your past experience.

5. Get out of your comfort zone. If you continue to go to same type of places, you can be rest assured that you will continue to meet the same type of people, period. Change is good! If it feels uncomfortable then it might just be what you need.

6. PUT THE PHONE DOWN. Back away from the gadgets and engage in conversation with others and by others I mean human beings, you know the ones that look like you, not the ones that have an lcd screen with buttons just below it. This is a very important one because a large amount of us suffer from this disease and end up missing out on creating priceless moments because we are fixated with our devices. There is nothing like interacting with someone, having eye contact, feeding off their energy, laughing, learning, touching and generally being able to connect in a way that a device cannot provide. There are so many incredible people out there, don’t be your own stumbling block.

7. Put aside your ideas of what you think your perfect man, woman or friend should look or be like. That would be your very first mistake as good things or in this case good people do not come in packages suited to you. Sorry to disappoint you but that’s just not how it works. Someone might look good but be as rotten as spoilt milk inside, yuk! No thanks. I have met many “attractive” people who are hollow-Don’t buy into looks as appearances can be bought if you know what I mean…

There are billions of people on this earth why in the world would you limit yourself in thinking that s/he should look like a b c? Don’t cheat yourself out of an opportunity of a life time with such ideas.

8. Take someone at face value. Sometimes their past or reputation precedes them. Ok this might be a tad confusing in relation to number seven but this is what I mean…sometimes you meet someone you’ve already met, that is, you’ve heard about them and their past. Let’s face it, we have all been deterred off someone and formed an opinion on them without even saying “Hello”. It isn’t a good way to be but it happens, equally it should be noted that people have the capacity to change, so grant them the benefit of the doubt, you might just be pleasantly surprised.

9. Be approachable. I suggest you get your friends to help you with this part. Ask from those close to you but only the ones that will be honest and enquire whether there is something you give off that you are not aware of. I’m glad my friends did this to me years ago, my goodness I was unapproachable and rude, it wasn’t easy to hear but it was what was best. Fortunately, those people gave me a chance and got to find out how fabulous I am haha! You may THINK you are being a particular way but in reality, it’s having the undesired opposite effect and this sole reason could be why you are not able to attract the right kind of people. I remember a former manager, who is a good friend of mine now, told me in my first interview how he didn’t initially give me the job because I came across as unfriendly and rude and there I was, thinking I was being the absolute professional! Laugh. Out. Loud. It’s one thing to intentionally do something but to create something you are unaware of is just painful ugh.

10. Last but not least, have fun! Let your guard down and be authentic, not everyone you meet wants to get into your bed or use you for what you have. Relax and enjoy yourself, people take dating these days as an interview rather than allowing things to occur naturally. Let it breathe and relish in what happens next.

And ladies, if a man approaches you, don’t be horrible and shoo him away like dirt on your shoe, just politely turn him down, it is not easy for them. You’ve experienced rejection before, remember that boy you had a crush on in primary school who you’d always try and grab in kiss chase but he ran like Usain Bolt whenever you came near him? Yeah…me neither, but you understand where I am coming from, it’s not a nice feeling, so empathise.

Men, show the lady in question something worth getting to know because I’ll be honest there isn’t much a lady has not heard from a man before, whether its you’re beautiful to I want you to have my kids :s. Oh and always be honest, believe it or not women value honesty and if you’re not she’ll find out anyway, we always do.
Ok I lied, I have one more tip for you if you meet a friend or potential “friend” take the time to learn about the person and I don’t mean do a background check, learn about them first hand. Their little ticks, mannerisms, take an actual interest in their lives, engage in activities that provide you with an opportunity to learn more about each other’s character.It could be paintballing, a day trip somewhere, hiking or visiting a museum. Do things out of the norm, it would serve as a great starting point for the future plus you get to make great memories, hopefully.

Like Maya says and I paraphrase if you know better, you do better.
Signed LBC

So much for this post being short grrrr!