Tag Archives: Goal

Yours or Mine?

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Are the goals and dreams you have yours? As in, do they belong to you? Were they carefully crafted in your mind, and intricately thought about by you, for you? 

Are you sure? 

Are YOU sure?

Just checking. 

I saw someone get featured in a magazine and the next thought I had was ‘Oh I’d like to be a magazine’. I said it instinctively. 
It was quickly followed by ‘Erm no you don’t. Why do you want to be in a magazine? How would it change your life? What would it do for you?’.
This internal conversation took place in a matter of seconds, and swiftly I threw that fickle desire in the bin before it grew legs.
Sure, it’ll be a nice to have, maybe, but when I checked in with my goals, being in a magazine wasn’t on the list, and I’m not about to shift my focus onto something different and someone else’s achievement on a whim, simply because it looked good.

Too often we collect other people’s achievements and aspirations, and make them our own and don’t even realise it. 
And as we carry out the work associated with accomplishing that goal, we wonder why it’s so incredibly hard to attain, and why it’s not ‘working’ as it should. It could be because you had no business doing it in the first place.

I want my own business- do you really? 

I want a huge wedding- do you really?

I want to be a billionaire- do you really? 

I want this body type- do you really? 

I want to be famous- do you really?

How much of what you do is done because it’s socially acceptable?

One of the beautiful things that has occurred this year is the realisation to many people of what is most important to them. People are waking up. 
I have seen people move across the globe, get married on their doorstep, downsize the homes they’ve lived in for years, change careers, and just take chances they wouldn’t normally because they have come back home to themselves and are consciously doing what is right for them.

But like I said, I was just checking.
I trust that whatever you’re doing and working on, is for you, by you.

Bisou xo 

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WDYWM?! Episode 5–Flights and Fights

There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.

by Irene Ephraim

WDYWM?! Episode 4–Shipped and Left Behind

We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.

by Irene Ephraim

Bursting at the Seams.

Man, the pressure. The pressure to be and do all is immense.  I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week. The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of …

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by Irene Ephraim

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A Blessing or a Curse?

11 Monday Feb 2019

Posted by in Life, Manifest

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facetune_08-02-2019-18-32-36-1It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you.

Last week was rough for many people myself included. All sorts of weird and painful things were happening, but if you’re reading this it’s not too late to turn things around.

It’s a new week and whatever happened last week is now in the past and no longer happening, so what would you like to do next? You can choose to hold onto it OR let go and keep sowing great things now for your future.

One way to turn things around instantly, which you can do right away, is to shift your perception on your reality.

Can it feel fake at first? Yup, but with persistence it will feel normal and this will alter your reality.

For example, many people see paying bills as a chore and a pain instead of gift that affords them the lifestyle they live. Rather than bemoan it, say thank you every time you pay an expense, because you’re effectively being grateful for the things you get to experience everyday that once upon a time was but a dream. You remember what it felt like to not have the money to pay that bill and you had to ask someone for it, well now you don’t have to. That’s a blessing.

Shifting your focus onto what is good about a situation will always bear better fruit than exacerbating an already negative situation.

Pick one thing you want to feel different about and change the story you’ve made about it. Your mind is something you can control and that’s a super power. Use it wisely, be intentional for your good and that of others.

Speaking of which: you will have a great week, receive wonderful news and enjoy being alive with your loved ones 🙂

Xo

Am I Qualified?

29 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by in Life, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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facetune_29-10-2018-17-17-37-1.jpgEver had a new goal that you were super excited about?

You’re filled with the possibilities of what achieving this goal will do for you and you cannot wait to get started.

You plan and establish the actions you need to take and then unexpectedly your insecurities surface.

What if I’m not qualified?

Who said I am qualified?

What if someone thinks I’m not up for the job?

Doubts here and before you know it, it starts to feel like a pipe dream. Within moments, you have convinced yourself that you’re definitely not up for the job and resign that goal to the ‘do not attempt’ pile.

Why are we the very first to sap the life out of something? Our own worst enemy.

Do you know what qualifies those that do vs those that do not? Their belief. That’s it. Those that achieve the most, do not allow their past, failures or circumstances to dictate what they can and cannot do. In spite of it, they move full steam ahead.

You will always be better off for doing something even when it does not work out as envisioned. The trade-off is the wealth of experience, applied knowledge and skills gained, that not doing anything could never provide you with. It is also a stepping stone.

I bumped into someone I knew online through a mutual friend. I had not met them in person until this morning. We started talking about various things and he asked me whether an online series I was a part of was well thought out or improvised. What do you think I said? We winged that bad boy!

None of us really knew what we were doing, we just showed up and figured it out as we went along. In that same year of doing the series, I wrote, directed and produced my first short play. I won 2 awards for the play and a little bulb went off in my head ‘I’m a writer’, and always had been, but it wasn’t until that point, did I acknowledge myself. That was almost six years ago.

Do you think how I write now is how I have always written? Absolutely not! In the beginning, it was trash. I cringe every time I see something from the past, but I had to start somewhere, as terrible as it was.

So trust me when I say, you can do this. Little by little, step by step, piece by piece.

Xo

The Finish Line

21 Wednesday Mar 2018

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, Motivation

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We all know the story of the Tortoise and Hare and if you don’t you can read about it here.

It’s almost impossible to ignore what people are doing, how they’re doing it and who they’re doing it with (ew get your mind out of the gutter). There are images and videos everywhere you turn! Suddenly, you start to feel inadequate and a small irritating voice says ‘why aren’t you doing better?, you should have been doing this by now, you’re such a flop, you’ll never make it if you’ve not made it by now, give up, you started out together but look at what s/he has done and you’re STILL struggling, just pack it all in’. Ugh, shoot me now.

So what do you do?

Focus.

The Tortoise is slow by nature and in this instance he was well aware of his capabilities. He didn’t try and be like the Hare because the way his body is set up it’d never cope. Could you imagine seeing him sprint with a heavy ass shell around his body, itty bitty chunky legs and a small head with beady eyes? Comical. Even if he managed it for some parts of the race, his whole body at some point will betray him. Instead, he ran his own race at his own pace and won.

Ultimately it was his focus on what he was doing and an awareness of his abilities that got him across the finish line to win. When the Tortoise didn’t see the Hare in the race, he didn’t suddenly decide ‘you know what let me just chill seeing as the Hare is sleeping, I have time’, he chose to continue on. Coincidentally it was the Hare’s lack of focus that made him lose.

The Hare overestimated his abilities and underestimated his opponents. Rather than give his attention to the task at hand which was to win the race, he was mocking what the Tortoise was doing and how he was doing it. It was at this point that he didn’t know he f**ked messed up.

‘But Irene I don’t know what to focus on?’ Well what’s in front of you? Focus on that. What opportunity is looking at you dead in your eye that you’re missing? Okay it might be heavily disguised and not quite look like what you expect but once you discover it, work on it anyway.

‘How?’  It’s not your business to spend time going over the how just DO. Do it whichever way you know and continue to do and do and do and do and before you know it you’re mastering the how and how not to, make sense? BUT, if you don’t make a move, it’ll never happen.

To sum this up, do your best at minding your business.

Xo

It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

31 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action, Motivation

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I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work.

There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and maintain it. Discipline is “the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations”.

Want a great relationship with your partner? You need discipline to do the work to make it great. What this might look like is developing your communication skills, learning when to speak and when to just let things go, lifting your partner up even when they’re driving you nuts and doing things you wouldn’t normally do but know they love-discipline.

Want a thriving career? You need discipline in order to consistently do the work required so that it thrives. This might mean delivering a high standard of service or work and you cannot do that without being disciplined.

Want your body to be the best it’s ever been? You need discipline to regularly go to the gym and maintain a good nutritional diet.

Saving money for a big purchase? You need discipline to stick to the plan that you’ve set up to buy it. This could mean learning to effectively manage your finances and denying yourself certain pleasures for the sake of reaching the goal- discipline.

One of the greatest of all time, THE Michael Jackson couldn’t grant us all of his musical genius without exercising a huge amount of discipline. He used it to write songs, record them, produce them, dance and to do every other amazing thing that we witnessed.

We’ve seen the effects that a lack discipline has on our lives and that of others, for example, unruly kids turn into delinquent teenagers and lazy adults. Not having discipline has the power to affect our lives in such a negative way that we’d be ignorant to not exercise it to draw into our lives the things we desire.

If you don’t have much discipline, practice and yes it is a learned behaviour for some, myself included. Don’t allow a lack of discipline be the reason you don’t prosper how you want to as that is most certainly in your hands.

Xo

“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

04 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by in Life, More Action, Motivation

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First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you.

At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push yourself, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t change your habits, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t commit to anything, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t alter your thinking, but somehow it’ll be different. Do you and I a favour and stop being deceitful.

The reality is, changing and improving the quality of your life is A LOT of hard consistent work and the results of it may not materialise until months and years later, so the question is, how bad do you want it and can you go the distance?

The unrealistic expectations that we sometimes hold of ourselves cause us to repeatedly fall short of our goals (myself included). We have it in our minds that it’ll be easy to accomplish and when faced the actuality of it, opt out and resign to a life of mediocrity.

With anything worth having, you will have to put the work in, not only in attaining it but to maintain it also. Whether it’s money, career, relationships, family, if it is to be successful, you will have to constantly work for/at it.

What does the work look like in real life? Time, effort, patience, sacrifice, discipline, self-control, consistency, commitment, developing, sweat, tears, failure, restarting, stress, balance, challenge, criticism, the list is endless. And yes, looking at that list it’s very easy to see why anyone would say ‘It’s not for me bro’, but if you want it, it’s a package deal- You can’t pick and choose the bits you want.

In my experience, when trying to change anything, the idea is to focus your energy on one thing. Full focus and attention on one thing is bound to produce greater results at a rapid rate than giving your divided attention to many things. The latter is also a sure fire way to not only be ineffective but stagnant. You will feel like you’re working but the reality is you’re working on too many of the wrong things at the same time and going nowhere fast.

Now I’m not advocating that you abandon everything else, simply that you devote most of your efforts to accomplishing one thing before diversifying. Become skilled at one thing and that will give you the necessary tools to increase your success rate in other areas of your life. Continue as you are? Well you already know what that looks like.

Xo

Somebody’s Watching

27 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in Life, More Action, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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Somebody’s watching and I am not talking about ‘big brother’.

You’re out there minding your business and then suddenly you feel warm and conscious. You look up to meet the unexpected gaze of a stranger.

Instinctively you offer up an awkward smile, but you notice that they feel more uncomfortable than you do. They were caught in the act. The act of admiring you from afar, wondering what you’re like as a person, if you have any quirks or nuances that they can pick up on, how you think, what you’re doing and so on.

Figuratively speaking there is always someone watching especially in this social media age where people can have access to you 24/7. Needless to say we have become obsessed with paying acute attention to other people’s lives, but, that isn’t always a bad thing and here’s why. People have the opportunity to learn, grow and be inspired by you, your life and your work.

I say all of that to say this; do not think for a second that what you have to offer to the world is not necessary, irrespective of how small or big it might be, somebody needs it. You have birthed those aspirations, dreams and visions for a reason and in most cases it’s not just for you.

Someone you don’t know needs what you have to offer the world. Someone you don’t know values who you are. Someone you don’t know believes you’re necessary. Someone you don’t know is rooting for you and your success. However, none of this can happen if you choose to keep who you are to yourself.

Now this isn’t a call for you to immediately put your life on full blast for everyone to see, simply an encouragement to stay committed to whatever you believe your purpose is. One of mine is this here blog. I have considered shutting this site down a trillion times, but my gut feeling won’t let me. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter whether or not there are hundreds of readers, just do the work. Whatever happens once I press publish is not my business (I mean it is but you know what I mean), I have done what I am suppose to do and until I feel led otherwise, that is what I’ll continue to do.

And yes, sometimes the things you do on the surface won’t make sense or you might feel that it is not valuable, however if you are certain that this is what you’re meant to do then it’ll work out either now or later. Learn to trust the timing of your life as it is never late or wrong, it’s just right for you.

IMG_2890 My nephew and I.

…And keep up the good work xo

P.s I hope your week ahead is full of sparkle, miracles and constant good news!