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Tag Archives: Goals

Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

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Age, Goals, Kind curiosity, Metric, Pressure, Society, Status Quo, Targets, Therapy, Thirty


On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Crystal Clear

You’re very clear on what you don’t want. You’ve said it a million times, I don’t want this, I don’t want that, I don’t like this, I don’t like that. Are you clear on what you do want, as much as you are on what you don’t? In the past, I struggled with this. I …

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by Irene Ephraim January 23, 2021

Gratitude

This week has been…*deep exhale* In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly. Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm. We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there. I went downstairs and made a cup of …

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by Irene Ephraim January 15, 2021

The Gardener & Bouncer

The title, The Gardener & Bouncer, sounds like a sordid, salacious, juicy story doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint, it’s not. Not this time anyway. What are you streaming? I don’t mean on the telly or PC, I mean on your minds streaming device. What are you picking up and creating stories around? What has slipped …

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by Irene Ephraim January 11, 2021January 13, 2021

Nothing Was The Same

Nothing was the same. Do you know what’s beautiful about this time? None of us have been here before. And I suppose with nothingness in front of us, there is an opportunity here, to create from scratch. We can imagine and design something new for ourselves; as brilliant and advanced ways of being, have come from …

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by Irene Ephraim January 7, 2021

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The Ground Is Fertile

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

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2020, change, dreams, Earth Rising, Goals, growth, Harvest, History, Plant, Soil, Visions

The ground is fertile.

Everything is moving at lightning speed. And having paid very close attention to the times (yes, with all that is happening), now is the time to sow seeds, and to sprint towards your goals.

All we’ve known is being uprooted, things are shifting quickly, people are realising more and more what’s important, and ultimately change is afoot.

There are no blueprints to follow, because at this moment in history, everyone is figuring it out for themselves. Everyone.
This is the perfect opportunity to do away with the things you’ve always felt obligated to do, and carve out something new, something brilliant, something specially thought of for you, and by you.

Xo

P.s Don’t say I didn’t give you the heads up.

Latest Posts

In My Feelings

I’m fuming. Well I was a few hours ago. Every cuss word you can think of, I uttered it. I also thought about wishing constipation on the person who vexed me, just on one occasion (it’s mean I know). I’m still thinking about it… Anyone else suffer from severe anxiety when travelling? I do and have …

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by Irene Ephraim January 4, 2021January 8, 2021

First of the First.

01.01.2021. There is something satisfying about this date. It denotes promise and a strength to start afresh.Nothing need ever be the same if you do not want it to be, as whatever has happened, has happened. It’s in the past. So with today, tomorrow and every other day, you have the opportunity to live your …

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by Irene Ephraim January 1, 2021

2021.

Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!This wild ride of a year. When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots, not a global virus, worldwide lockdown and quarantine. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. …

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by Irene Ephraim December 31, 2020

Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year. Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy).  In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t …

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by Irene Ephraim December 30, 2020December 31, 2020

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Words are Genies.

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

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Courage, Fashion, Fitness, Genie, Goals, Louvre, Self-Development, spiritual

Whether you’re a spiritual person or not, if you ask for something you will get it. The caveat however, is that it may not be in the form or fashion that you expect.

At 2am on Monday, I pray and ask for the things I’d like this week. One of them was the courage to complete all the things I set out to (because regular procrastinator/perfectionist here).
I say courage, because sometimes I often experience fear, and to overcome fear, is to do the thing, and to do the thing, courage is needed.

As I uttered the word courage, I had break in thought, ‘Are you sure you want courage?’.
I paused. ‘Yes, courage is what I want’.

My prayer was interrupted by that thought because history has shown me that what you want, will often challenge you, and you might not like what you have to do to get there.

I eventually fall asleep and wake up a few hours later.
I express my gratitude that I, my family and friends are alive and well and start my day.

As my coffee brews, I make a chocolate and peanut butter sandwich (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it).
Then out of nowhere, my mood took a nose dive.

The more I thought about all the things I planned to do, the deeper the desire to do nothing became. I only wanted to lie in bed in my birthday suit.

I messed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for courage? Maybe I should have asked for something else?
The feeling of inertia was getting stronger, and I knew I needed to shift gears and break the depressive grip forming.

A message from my fitness instructor/friend came through. My heart leapt for a joy a little, as I hoped the text would read that he’d have to cancel today’s zoom workout session. No such luck. He was just checking that we were good to go at 2:15pm.

Reluctantly I wrote ‘See you at 2:15pm’. I figured my mood might have picked up when it was time, but truthfully I did not want to see him or anyone at 2:15pm.

In the meantime, I attempted to pep talk myself. I half chuckled, half grimaced, because I knew asking for the courage to accomplish things this week could quite possibly give me the complete opposite feeling, meaning I’d really have to work for the courage. And that’s what happened.

2:15pm rolls around and you guessed it, I haven’t moved.

Me: We have to?

Him: Yes. Yes we do.

For ****sake!

Sluggishly, I put on my workout gear, grab my laptop, workout mat, water, fan, and head to the living room to begin this workout.

I did it. I completed the workout.
My form was off and I got tired very quickly, but I did it.

It might seem like a small feat, but dragging myself to work out, stopped the fall into a sunken place, and refocused my mind and energy towards being productive and ultimately where I wanted to be.

So what’s my point? Be mentally prepared for what you’re asking for, as it will come and if you’re not vigilant, you’ll let the opportunity pass you by because it’s “too hard”, “too long”, “too much”, “too right”.
It’ll be easy to want to give up, but rather than give up,  give in to it. Go with it, flow with it, work with it, but least of all reject it, because on the other side, is what you are looking for.

Xo

2019, Bye. 2020, Hello.

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Self-Development

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2019, 2020, Clarity, Clear, Desire, Goals, Intentions, List, Manifestations, vision, Want

img_2519.jpgI am ready for the New Year and what it may bring however, there is a one thing I think we all should do.

It is only right that as we enter into the year 2020 that we get clarity as where there is no vision, the people perish. 

Get clear on the things you want for yourself in this coming year.  That’s it. That’s the (almost) final word for decade from me.

My final word, is an intention. My intention is that 2020 is phenomenal, prosperous, and full of positive manifestations for you all.

Happy New Year!!!

Irene Xo

 

 

One At A Time

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Dreams

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2019, 2020, action, blogger, choice, decision, dreams, Goals, Happy, Thoughts, writer

facetune_18-11-2019-18-17-01-1

 

I really hope this post meets you well.

Can you believe we’re nearly at the end of the year? AND we’re about to enter into a new decade? Wild.

2019 so far for myself and a lot of others, has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that we never expected. Things like, unemployment, unplanned pregnancies, incarceration, losing friendships, losing loved ones to death, to name a few things- like I said, a roller coaster.  

I wonder if there is some sort of universal purge happening because we are entering into a new decade? What do you think?

Notwithstanding the party and bullsh*t that life can be, we still have to participate and how we do this, is entirely up to us.

Sure, we’re not in control of a lot of things, but the one of the things we can master is, ourselves. WE are huge contributors to our experiences.

With that said, I want you to think about ONE thing you want to accomplish before the 31st December 2019.

Just one. One, because when we attempt to juggle multiple things at a time the following occurs; very little gets done, you become overwhelmed with how much there is to do, causes frustration and worse than all of that, can make you stagnant.

Once you have decided what that is, close off or shut down anything that does not support the thing you are in the process of accomplishing. That might mean limiting the access others have to you, setting a timetable, changing your environment, exposing yourself to something different and so on.

Chances are, you already know what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it. Take heed to whatever messages you are receiving right now about your life, as its the very thing that will get you closer to where you want to be.

And if you don’t? Well you already know what life will look like because you are living it now. Do yourself one solid before the new year and surprise yourself.

With love, Irene x 

 

Magic? No, Work.

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life

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Achievement, action, change, Goals, happiness, life, lifestyle, Magic, Monday, Motivation, Procrastinate, success, Will Smith, Work

‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t.

As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost.

I also know that doing the work is the actual key to unlocking rewards. And there’s no other way around it.

Usually that piece of work that I avoid becomes easy once I start doing it, then I’m bemused because ‘what was the big deal?, why was I avoiding this?’.

I’d had been procrastinating on writing a business plan for my next venture. When I did get around to it, I realised I had already completed a large portion of it on a previous occasion (I must have been delirious whilst doing it). Oh. So I can do it then.

With the new week upon us, what work have you been running away from? Run towards it. Grab it by the horns and make it your bitc submit to you. You already have what it takes, use it. Even if you don’t know how, start with what you know and things will begin to unfold.

I’m learning that with what you want, you can’t be afraid to work and sometimes work hard, as it is the very thing that will call forth your desires.

Xo

Personal Enemy No 1…You.

28 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Dreams, Life, Manifest, More Action

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blogger, Dream, Encouragement, Enemy, Friend, Goals, Gut, Instincts, lifestyle, Manifest, Men, Mind, Monday, Self-help, Self-sabotage, success, Women, writer

 

2b3d7b53-13f3-497a-88cd-a354a481c8f9-1

Self-sabotage. What a bitch.

We’ve all done/do it and probably have experienced how difficult it is to unearth the habits that cause you to trip up and repeat stifling behaviours. Truthfully, it’s a scary thing to change your ways, as doing so requires you to push past who you currently are to be someone you have very little experience being.

It’s much much easier to remain as you are…yet you still feel so uncomfortable. Your desires niggle at you, willing you to get out of your comfort zone and do the work necessary to make your dreams materialise, but you’re scared shitless and feel like an imposter, ‘Who am I to have such audacious desires?’.

You might even make attempts to do the work, but you’re suddenly distracted, matter of fact you’re always “distracted”. You’ve become adept at finding excuses to not really show up, ‘It won’t work because so and so’. You want to leave it, you even convince yourself that you’re content to, but again, your dreams are persistent and won’t let you rest, it simply won’t allow you to just move on.

I get it. Changing is hard and real long lasting change takes time, effort and most importantly patience.

I do believe there’s a time and place for radical action but this is not one of them. Here requires a delicate approach. Below are 3 tips to help you help yourself.

1. Recognise the habits and thought patterns that keep you stagnant. One of mine is ‘There’s no point, I won’t get it.’ And guess what? It’s self-fulfilling, because automatically I won’t do the things required to get it. Side note: I had an interview today and got outside the building, only to come up with reasons why I didn’t want to go in. Thankfully, I had enough sense to call a friend who gave me something to think about. I went. I just needed a little push.

2. Pick one thing to alter and take a step towards it. I recently did a 24 hour ‘be positive’ challenge and I realised that as “positive” as I considered myself to be, I had A LOT of negative chatter going on subconsciously (lots more work to do).

3. Do the thing your gut has been begging you to do. It’s your biggest cheerleader. Refrain from constantly looking outside of yourself for affirmation. I truly believe that deep down every individual knows what’s best for them, they simply don’t trust themselves enough.

Take a chance on yourself, what is the worst that could happen? Growth- and that’s whether you succeed or don’t.

Xo

Can You Focus On…Me?

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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blogger, change, choice, Desire, focus, give up, Goals, Manifest, Motivation, new year, Not Giving Up, Refreshed, self, Speaker, vision, Work, writer

img_8202It’s the 17th January (already?!) and dare I ask, how is it going?

For some of the people I know it’s been, a bit, bluregh. And a bit bluregh is never a good way to feel. Maybe it’s the January blues or in London the gloomy weather? Whatever it is, as with most things, it’ll soon pass.

On my side it’s been quite slow, which I welcome because I know it’s not going to be like this for much longer.

As tradition dictates, with a new year comes new or refreshed goals. I have some that this time around I’m choosing to keep to myself however, I do have one that above all of them is absolutely necessary in order to meet my goals and that is to focus.

I used to hear as a child that ‘Irene is great and has potential but she lacks focus’, and now as an adult I understand more what they meant by that. I struggle to give a thing my undivided attention, so I’m gifting myself myself and working on improving my focus, little by little.

What are you working on?

My advice for any goals or desires you have is to take each day as it comes. Let things happen organically. I spent a considerable amount of time in the past forcing things to happen and the outcome always left me wanting.

To summarise, work with what works.

Xo

P.s Things will start look up, I promise 🙂

Drop the Weight.

29 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

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Advice, Beautiful, Commitment, Goals, Hump Day, life, Thoughts, vision, Writing

facetune_29-11-2018-17-28-34-3You know what that weight is…it’s the thing you use as an excuse for your lack thereof or mediocrity.

You hold onto it as it makes you feel justified; family, friends, job, money, resources, pretty much anything can sound like a valid reason to not have or do something.

But what you don’t realise, is that until it’s out of the way, it will continue to oppress and hold you back. You will not be able to truly see the gift that is in front of you because there are too many things that you are giving much power to.

Let it go, clean it up or clear it out.

But before even doing that, you have to make a decision.

I had been holding my mother responsible for the reason why I haven’t been able to do a particular thing well for the past few months. She was being herself and I allowed it to impact what and how I did things. I decided to make a commitment to doing better.

Making that decision alone shifted how I thought about things and ultimately how I did it. I wasn’t going to literally wait around anymore, I was going to make improvements for myself. And as usual, the universe conspires in helping you meet your goal.

If you have been holding in or onto something or blaming someone for the shortcomings that are occurring in your life, make a decision to work through them to make the things you want happen. Drop the excuses, develop discipline and hold fast to your determination to see things through.

“I am going to make a very beautiful life for myself no matter what it takes”.

Xo

Chasing Waterfalls

24 Wednesday Oct 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life

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Advice, Aspirations, focus, Goals, life, lifestyle, Money, Motivation, Speaker, writer

TLC said it best.

It can be a difficult pill to swallow when you’re in pursuit of something that doesn’t want you back. No matter how much you do it simply does not want to materialise or work out how you’ve envisioned.

In that there’s a lesson; don’t force it, let it go.

It means there’s another area in your life that requires your attention, what is it? If you don’t know, look a bit closer, it’s there, screaming pick me.

Once you discover it, direct your attention to that thing. Nurture it, learn from it, grow from it. Before you know it, like a boys summer growth spurt, what you were in hot pursuit of is here.

Sometimes it’s like that. There are certain things we have to experience first and learn from before we are equipped enough to handle our other desires. In fact it’s crucial that we do, so we have less of a chance to totally screw it up!

It’s sucks, I know, but something greater is possible if you allow it to be.

xo

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