Tag Archives: growth

When Things Go Wrong

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I think there is something about speaking of things you are going to do and it ultimately going tits-up right after.

It feels like every time I speak of something I am going to do publicly, it doesn’t happen. Is there some sort of wicked force that actively works against me in that moment? If there is they need to cut that shit out.

For example, I said I would do a daily diary and that didn’t materialise in the way that I wanted (Sorry 😩 ), yet I had every intention on doing so and even made the efforts towards making this a reality but it just didn’t happen.

On the flip side, there have been many occasions where what I speak of comes to pass. It’s usually in cases where I haven’t put much thought into things or did not direct ALL my energy towards it and BOOM! Manifestation. My point? Think it, work on it, let go of the outcome.

There is also another lesson here for me to learn in how I approach things going forward, don’t speak about what you’re going to do, ever, just do it. With all things, just do it.  

So as the momentum for the 7 day diary has passed, we’re going to scrap that altogether and go with the flow. I am a firm believer in letting things be and not forcing the unnatural to happen because it just won’t. All it will cause is further frustration and the thing you want to get hot wheels and keep running from you.

When things go wrong, and you make a few attempts to fix the issue and it doesn’t work, do yourself a favour; let the chips fall where they may. Some things simply have to fall apart before they can come together again. It needs that space for whatever it is to breathe, evolve and settle, then and only then can true change take effect.

Take a deep breath and momentarily, let it be.

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Xo

P.s Maybe I’ll revisit this 7 day diary…or not lol.

 

ï»żSo What You Fell Off?!

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You’ve been working SO hard to change something, keep something up or develop a habit and although it’s a struggle you are making progress. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you fall off. You get knocked off course and for a period of time, you consider throwing the towel in altogether.

It’s too hard, it’s not for me, it’s not worth it, I can’t deal with the shame, the guilt, the disappointment
here’s my thought: get over yourself.

We’re never going to be perfect, we’re not supposed to be, we shouldn’t even aspire to be. What we should focus on, is getting better.

So what you fell down and busted your lip? All it means is you now know what not to do. Have a moment to be in your feelings, then dust yourself off and get going again.

Your success isn’t only in achieving that goal, but in how many times you get knocked down and pick yourself up again. What you teach yourself in those times is invaluable. Resilience, tenacity, determination are things you can only develop through repeated action.

Do yourself a favour and cut yourself some slack, at least you’re doing something to change things for the better! Yes, it will not always be plain-sailing, yes, there will be many bumps in the road, yes, all hell will break loose and yet every ounce of that is necessary for your growth. Use it to your advantage, learn from it and let it propel you further.

And whenever in doubt remember this lyric by Big Sean ‘Last night I took an L but tonight I bounce back!’.

XO

P.s ‘L’ stands for loss

2016: Final Thoughts

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What a crazy and challenging year!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the New Year ahead. I am sooooooooo ready for it for many reasons.

I have learnt an incredible amount and there’s nothing like good ol’ trial and tribulations to grow you ‘real quick’.

I pushed myself and was pushed, I loved, I lost, I succeeded and failed miserably, I strengthened relationships and some I severed. All in all, these are the things that enrich my life for the better.

My top 5 takeaways are:

  1. Everything has a season. A time to sow and a time to reap. It will happen for you, be patient.
  2. BE patient
  3. Trust your intuition
  4. It will not work if you don’t
  5. Don’t force it. Pay to attention to what you really should be paying attention to and give that your energy.

I have to emphasise this, 2017 can only be better if you are. Do whatever you can that’s within your power to live your best life yet.

Be mindful of what you think, use caution when you speak, and act as often as you can.

I wish you a fantastic New Year and a MIND BLOWING 2017!!!

Much love

Irene Xo

P.s Some pics below from my recent birthday…I jumped out of a plane!  I’ll talk about my birthday another time, what an experience!

 

 

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An Overnight Success? Not Likely.

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I live for progress, patience? Not so much. The irony is without patience, you’ll seldom get to see the progress.

By nature or possibly nurture even, I am incredibly impatient. I want it either now, yesterday or last year and live in this space where anything can happen instantly and I expect it to. As you can imagine it doesn’t bode well for me at all when it does not happen as anticipated. I quickly become frustrated, irritated and delve deeper into the abyss of ‘I am not doing well in life’- Yes I know, drama queen.

But, I had an epiphany that I thought was worth sharing. I was working out last week and thinking about how I have not yet successfully executed regular and consistent exercise for long periods of time. I weighed it against the goals that I wanted for my body and it registered to me that I am never going to see the results that I want, IF I am not patient enough to continue working out to see my goals manifest.

This is true for everything.

I love reading and listening to the background stories of celebrities, mainly because their development and growth is visible. The proof of their evolution is seen in the pictures, videos and the work they produce.

These success stories, started exactly where you are right now, that very same spot you’re standing on, yup, that one, they stood there too.

They were not all born with a silver spoon or in particularly advantageous circumstances and even if they were, it’s not void of life’s woes, yet they thrived. How?

Well, (and I firmly believe this) the difference between those that achieve the success they want and those that don’t, is persistence and patience.

Being persistent and patient whilst aiming for progress rather than perfection (irrespective of what you do) will surely gain you results over a period of time albeit a long, very long, period of time.

I read an article/ interview on Katherine Waterston in ES Magazine and she spoke about the time she considered giving up if she had not booked ‘Inherent Vice’, a movie that she was nominated for three awards. She is now one of the stars of ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ a work from the incomparable JK Rowling. It may not match Harry Potter’s success but it’s sure to do pretty darn well, due to die-hard fans both young and old.  Katherine has already filmed other works that are currently in post-production. At 36, she is gaining notoriety and expanding her body of work. 

Why mention her age? I think her age is (and isn’t) important.  For those  of us who are younger and think it’ll never work out and daily consider giving up on our aspirations, well there’s the proof that with time, you will begin to make great strides; if only you do not give up, be persistent, work on your craft/ self and exercise patience!

Resist the opportunity to relent before your moment to shine, it will come.

XO

 

Adulting- Whose idea was this anyway?

04 Monday Jul 2016

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The older I get, the more realise that actually, I don’t like change. Maybe that’s an ‘age’ thing :s. As much as I value growth and evolving, I like it on my own terms and at my own pace. When it’s dictated to me by other things and forces, it throws me for a loop and I contemplate, spitting out my dummy and throwing a tantrum on the supermarket floor. It takes me some time to readjust because I had my heart and mind set on a particular ideal. The end result is that I am exceptionally hard on myself.

I have experienced major changes of late and none of which I have orchestrated, well, I obviously played a part in it, but when I refer to my 5 year plan, errrrhhh yeah this wasn’t in it. Moving house, job, finances, relationships, it’s all one big blur that I’m sifting through.

What I’d really like to do is stop the tape, press rewind and go back to January 2015, and I am being deadly serious lol. Do you ever feel this way?

I learnt recently through my mentor, that I have a habit of not leaving room for ‘life’ to happen when I make my goals/plans. It’s an all or nothing type of situation, which then sends me into a downward spiral when things don’t go accordingly. The underlining trait here is that I am a control freak and I can admit that.

Change is the only thing constant, how do we deal with it when it comes unexpectedly?

I like to use myself as an example on my posts sometimes because I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I am not susceptible to life and its woes- I am, trust me.

Back to the question. Well firstly, you have to get into the ebb and flow of life, the more you resist the inevitable change, the harder it will be for you in the long run. Some things are going to happen with or without your input, you might as well get in line.

Secondly, take some time out to re-evaluate things. Often times we think of things as they could be and not as they are. By that I mean, thinking of the worst case scenarios and hypothesizing and wholly missing out on what’s actually taking place now. Let it go, learn to be creative and form a new utopia with what you have.

Thirdly, whatever has happened has happened. There is little to no sense going over what’s occurred and whose fault it is, it’s thoroughly futile to do that. The only time it is productive to do so, is if it is to find a resolution and not repeat the same mistake, outside of that, leave it alone, move on.

I must reiterate that it IS crucial that you assess the contributions you made to X results so that you can adjust and make improvements. It’s a sure-fire way to cultivate growth.

Lastly and probably most importantly, it’s as much about the journey as it is the destination. Don’t bypass the journey in trance of the destination.

Be here now.

XO

P.s I have not forgotten about my motivational muse on Monday’s, I am preparing them. J

PPS This tone of this post is a bit direct, I can sense it, but believe me when I say it is said out of love and care xoxo

Nirvana on the other side

20 Monday Jun 2016

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Before we go any further, can you please not give me the side eye, I know I said for the next few Monday’s I’ll write on someone who inspires me, however, occasionally, you must allow yourself to be led by what is on your heart(- does this sound like a cop out? It’s not, I promise 🙂 )

I’m going to be a little bit hypocritical here, but there are times that it is absolutely necessary to have that break down in order to experience a break through. I mentioned that I’m being hypocritical because I dislike the aforementioned process, although it is extremely constructive.

I am learning to accept for myself that it is okay to cry, the release is good for you. Think of it this way, crying gets rid of the bad energy and feelings that you have supressed and kept inside for a period of time. The pent up emotions starts to negatively affect the body and the brain, limiting your ability to function well. Your decision making skills and your attitude to life will undoubtedly be impaired due to the internalised stressors and pressures you have harboured.

In any building, should there be an emergency, it is mandatory to know where the exit routes are, the same is required for the body. If I eat unhealthily, the result may be excess weight, in this case it may be headaches, body pains, rash, or a complete and utter melt down.

Having a break down is a clear sign that there are things that require your attention which you have, in some cases, systematically ignored. I say systematically because we often times know instinctively when something should be done but instead we ignore the signs and carry on anyway, in the hopes that it will disappear or work itself out. Not so.

We must take care of ourselves as best as we can and it’s perfectly okay to ask for help and admit that you’re not doing so great. Who hasn’t had low points in their life? If someone says they haven’t, then you have confirmation that they’re a bona fide liar. These challenging seasons as clichĂ© as it will sound, make the highs more enjoyable and in all honesty in the trenches is where the most evolution happens. It will strengthen you and make you a better person.

If you’re at that point or close to it, don’t be afraid to let it all out, trust that it will get better from there on out. Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you’re not coping well, it doesn’t make you less of a person. The process may be painful, exhausting and you might feel like giving up, I urge you not too.

This may mean spending time alone, introspecting and examining all areas of your life, especially the parts that you are not happy with, the outcome will certainly be daunting yet worth it.

I implore also not find other means to distract you from doing the work, do not placate it with alcohol, binge TV watching, painting the town red or whatever other vice there is. Doing this will not rid yourself of the issue, in fact it will only aggravate it further.  The sooner you get to it and do the work, the sooner you discover your nirvana at the other side.

You are powerful enough to make a difference in your in life.

XO

 

Growth in Leaps and Bounds

23 Monday May 2016

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I was paid a compliment over the weekend about my blog, which is always nice to hear. The comment was your posts are so “well written”. I chuckled because my skills in writing are much better than what it used to be. Back then I didn’t care for punctuation marks, syntax, and I never, ever, ever proof read my work. As you can imagine, on reflection, it was abysmal.

I then recalled a time where I had written a post in anger about what I would consider at that point, a tumultuous period of my life. It was 2012 and that year was rough! You name it, I went through it! The brief conversation I had over the weekend caused me to go looking for this post.

When I found it and re-read it, I was howling with laughter. The write up was a complete and utter mess! It was only once and strictly for the purposes of venting, but goodness me, was I possessed? Probably, I honestly thought I was cursed, because my life was Murphy ’s Law personified: Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong*

Anyway, I mentioned the above to prove that where you start isn’t always where you will be, if you continue to practice and push forward, you WILL get better.

Below is the post from 2012, read at your own peril. Apart from the strikethroughs that I have inserted, this has not been altered, just to show you how bad it was. The post represents growth, not only in my writing ability, but also in me as a person. My mentality is completely different, stronger, less impenetrable with negativity, and I most certainly don’t stay down for as long. I now know better and for the most part, I try and do better.

Parental advisory, there are a lot of expletives, let’s just say I was VERY angry


“Diary of an Angry Black Woman

So the day is the 7th July a Saturday to be precise and I have a meeting scheduled with a friend to conjure up our plan for world domination..ok not really. Just a business meeting really. She lives in Essex and i, in south london. We arrange to meet in Stratford as its in the middle for both of us..well sort of…what a big fucking mistake that was.

This is how my day began…I start getting ready for my 3 pm meeting, telling myself I WILL BE ON TIME -_- I jump in the bath and lather myself up, thinking about today’s pending events. Whilst doing my make up (thinking I still had ample time) i look to my laptop and see its 14.24, shit, fuck shit shit fuck where did the time go?! however this particular friend suffers from the same disease i have “johnny come lately” so I didn’t worry too much about being on time, although i felt a little defeated at not meeting my goal.

We were to meet up in Westfields Stratford but there was a problem, the car park for Westfields was closed and will be till 19th September…no i do not think you heard me.. till the 19th OF SEPTEMBER! WTF ? this is ridiculous sooo all of my tax money into a car park I cant park in? All because of the bleeding flipping Olympics, this is fast becoming the bane of my life. Did I mention I have no road tax? At a cost of 107 GBP for 6 months only, I’m finding it extremely hard to let go of that money coupled with the fact that wait…I don’t actually have that money to give…its long being legit *bbm not interested face* However I have an absolutely clean record and have no intentions in becoming a statistic so I make arrangements to sort it out before travelling to Stratford. Id managed to go unnoticed thankfully by the authorities but going to Stratford, a police hotspot I didn’t want to risk it.

I leave my house and make my way to my local to sort out my bank card, I say sort out what I really mean is to extract money from where there was no money…just call me a mathemagician ha! that was dry I know…anyway before leaving my house I call my credit card holders and tell them to unlock my card as id blocked it a few weeks ago- This was to source the road tax payment. I get to my local, put money in a pay and display ticket machine…20p per 8 mins! Ok it’s not much but when brokeness strikes every fucking penny counts. I do what i have to and leave.

The time is now 15.30 and I’m a long way from being at my meeting. I thought to myself do I chance it and go Stratford anyway or buy the road tax ? I guess fate would have its own way or maybe not…as I was driving to Stratford , I approach a post office and thought fuck it, ill get it now. I read the tax renewal form and distinctly at the bottom reads no credit card allowed FFS bummed! luckily I had made this discovery earlier on and transferred the very little that i had left into my current account from a lack lustre savings account *sigh* I had printed off a balance statement which showed I had only a fiver left in it…a fiver. Need i say more about my current affairs? times were definitely hard right now but i chose not to cry and bury myself in it but to remain cool, calm and collected. My insides were raging THIS CANNOT BE LIFE-im too nice for this stuff but whatevs right now, whatevs.
Moving on..i hop out of my car and walk towards the post office guess what? its motherfucking closed! just my luck. *sigh* 😩 i get back into my car and conclude ill go to Stratford anyway throwing caution to the wind, and in any case my friend was already there so I didn’t have a choice. I drive trying not to care that the big bad wolf may appear at anytime.

On my way there I’m thinking of where I can possibly park. Stratford a former dumping ground for all things unimportant had fast become a tourist magnet with the erection of the now infamous “Westfields” and it being the pinnacle for the Olympics. ‘The Stratford City’ as they are trying to rename it IDGAF it will always be a craphole to me. Good for the economy my ass..what about its inhabitants why cant I fucking park in the car park…morons!

Having an AHA! moment I think ill park in the other car park attached to the original mall…yeahhhhh I say convinced I got it sussed out and the answer to my present problem solved right? WRONG! as I come closer to the car park I see the sign ” Car park closed” -_____________________- you’ve got to be kidding me. I begin to think hard and fast of the next option.

I drive away from Stratford centre to the residential area in hope of finding a space. I turn into one road and seeing a single yellow line I think I’m in luck but my luck ran out straight away when I see a ticket warden issuing a ticket to a car in front of me. Great! However it is better to have seen that not to as that would have been my second ticket in a month and I wasn’t down for that shit…not today not ever! I hate those yellow looking pieces of paper ever noticeable from a distance..bloody bastards. I drive on with no progress, now I’m tired, stressed and frustrated. There were park and displays but i wasn’t prepared to pay for one I’d rather be in a car park.
Morrison’s wasn’t far but my friend’s recent ticket from there put me off so I didn’t even bother venturing inside. I think I have another “bright idea” and decide to drive to my friends in Forest Gate to park at hers and ask if she can drop me to Stratford..long winded I know but I just didn’t want a ticket or to pay a park and display no friggn way. I ping ping ping her to ask her of her availability, she gets back to me a minute away from hers to tell me she wasn’t at home. Fab just Fab.

I park up on the road and just sit there. Thinking about my pitiful life where did it all go wrong? Lord why me? What did I do? I remain there for about 10 minutes. I figure to just pick my friend up and we go to another area where there’s parking to have this meeting. I ping her to let her know my plans and she calls me to get understanding of the plan..Something she rarely gets. As we confirm the new meeting point “Bus stop” the phone goes dead.”hello, hellOOO” nothing. Hmmmp I ping her and call her but her line is dead, now is not the time for this to happen. I shouldn’t really expect any different there was always something wrong with her phone. I sit there for another 5 minutes or so hoping she’ll call back but nothing.

I decide to drive past the said bus stop which was the Stratford station one, yer the one brimming with hundreds of people yep that very one. How in the world am I supposed to see her? What I had wanted to tell her was to stay at the taxi rank bit where she’d be more visible but I couldn’t. As I draw nearer to Stratford bus stop I stay in gear 2 so as to get a better look but that was a waste of time, I saw no one.

I park in another residential area and wait for another 20 minutes, I get nothing from her. I ping her to let her know what I’ve done and how I have now left Stratford. Driving back to south london I look at my phone and I see my messages have ‘D’ next to it, are you fucking kidding me?! I park up on a road near Canning town station and wait..true to form she rings me and relays to me that her phone switched off and wouldn’t turn back on Cheers Shitberry! She said she came to the bus stop station and didn’t see me and is now on her way back home to Romford.
What a friggn waste of time and petrol.. Through no real fault of ours, the plan for world domination was put on hold.

I also found out that Morrison only charged 1 GBP for 2 hours NOW you tell me! ugh. Im just not in the mood.

So there we have it. I’m at home trying to unwind and eventually prepare for my tonights date-This better be worth it, I’m not prettying myself for another epic fail.

Moral of the story? I should of just fucking skyped.

Signed-ABW “

*Adapted by John Stapp

 

A Different Kind of Love 

18 Wednesday May 2016

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I have wanted to write on this topic for a while now, however I am still formulating my thoughts on what it is but so far here is what I have

Self love, what is self love? I don’t have a concrete answer for this yet, but by own personal theory and understanding, self love is loving yourself the way you would want someone to love you. I’ve described it this way because I think it’s easier to digest.

Men and women dream of this “person” that will come and save them, treat them in ways you only hear about in books. To respect them, cherish them, care for them, encourage them, share with them, understand them, forgive them, be thoughtful, accept their flaws and all these other wonderful things. My question is this, are you all of these things for yourself? And if not, why not? When we think of love, we always think of it as being something outside of ourselves, that you only share with another person or thing but never with the person you spend the most time with, you.

Self love isn’t simply the superficial things we do to make ourselves feel better, but it’s how we speak about and to ourselves, how we consider ourselves, how we serve ourselves, how we respect ourselves, how we value ourselves, how we invest in ourselves, and how we cater to our spiritual, emotional and physical needs.

What does that look like in real life? Well, it’s doing what we are supposed to do when we’re supposed to do it. Our instincts serve as a guidance for the things we should accept, remove, grow from or let go of, however we’ve been conditioned and or choose to ignore it.

How are you nourishing yourself? It is commonly said that if you don’t love and respect yourself, no one else will. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. You, are the common denominator, it starts and ends with you.

I believe if you love yourself the way you want someone to love you, it will be difficult to exist in spaces where love isn’t attracted or reciprocated back to you.

At some point in the very near future, I’ll expand further on what self love looks like in real life, but for now I hope it’s opened your mind up a little as to what it is.

Till next time, be good to yourself.

‘A Change is gonna come’

29 Tuesday Mar 2016

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I hope you have enjoyed Easter and the bank holiday and returning to work hasn’t been the worse thing ever!

I spent my Saturday at a friends ‘Hen Do’, if I said it was eventful it’d be an understatement. Bubble football, sports day, cocktail making class, a stripp…, and lots of dancing. My body is still suffering from the aftermath of a fantastic time with great people, but anyway that isn’t the point of this post.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my brand and the direction I would like to go in, and this is just to say, there will be some changes to follow in the next few months. I am hoping that you will still enjoy reading my posts but more so that you’ll be able to engage better.

Its necessary to evolve and I think I’m at that point of switching things up a little bit. We should always be learning and willing to grow, and I for one do not want to remain in the same place, doing the same thing and getting the same results.

If there are things that you want out of life, I hope you realise that there is no better time than now for you to make it happen. Everything you need to take you to the next stage in your life, you already posses.

Humor me, I did this the last week, I wrote down all of the assets that I have, be it physical or a quality and promised myself to make more use of them in any capacity. Do it! It might surprise you in knowing how much you have at your disposal. Anything you think might be useful no matter how small it is, write it down, then make a plan on how you’ll make better use of the things you have.

Whatever you do this week, do it with intention, passion and with an expectation.

 

Yesterday was yesterday, today is today, no two days are the same.

20 Friday Nov 2015

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My observation over the past few weeks is that we/I think too much. As mentioned in a previous post, ‘anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past’ both of which are regressive and stress inducing.

Now I know I speak a lot on what you ‘think’ but this time around, my focus is on the intensity at which we think. We magnify things and situations and make them much more than they ever need be, in turn it impacts our judgement and our capacity to be effectively functional.

In all honesty, it is at times too much!
It’s too much, when it’s depriving you of sleep
It’s too much, when you are no longer able to make sound decisions
It’s too much, when we over complicate the simplest of things

Yesterday was a particularly trying day for me. I spent majority of it going over events that had taken place, and by being pedantic over each and every detail. This only made it worse and my mood deteriorated very quickly. I couldn’t do my work properly, it completely spoilt my day, but guess what? That was the choice I made, I had ‘thought’ myself into a worse place.  I did eventually get annoyed with feeling annoyed and actively made steps to improve my current state.

At what point, do we stop tormenting ourselves with our thoughts and start ‘living’.
Living out in a way that brings about the things that we really want to exist in our lives?

The ability to live happily and purposefully is a choice and a habit that has to be nurtured. It will not happen overnight but baby steps will make a difference. It’s like stone skipping, the stone is small but it has the power to cause a ripple effect. The more it’s done, the better you become.

If you were an artist, you would practice to get better form right? Well this is no different. You have to do it repeatedly and earnestly.

Clear out the mental jargon that is causing you to be pregnant with stagnation and stress. Create or find a system that helps you to develop healthier thinking practices.

Start it now, get a pen and paper, use your phone, get on the Internet, research and put together how you intend to think less and do more. I firmly believe that sometimes, you do have the answer, its just a matter of searching for it.
Everyday is a new opportunity, to do and be better…yesterday was yesterday, today is today…

Think once, twic.. do it or forget it!
Think once, twic…do it or forget it!