Tag Archives: happiness

Life On Your Terms

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I just feel like you NEED to see my face lol. Vain much? Maybe…

Good morning!

I really hope you’re doing well.

I wanted to drop a quick note and ask a question: are you living life on your own terms? To elaborate a little more, is the life you’re living yours by design or other peoples design? And really think about that answer.

Over the past few months, I have been steadily unlearning a lot of ideals and thoughts that have been ingrained in me through the various paradigms I operate in, to sift out one that is actually authentically me, and doing so has made me happier and freer. I am now consciously making my own mind up about things and the (self)inflicted pressure has significantly reduced.

I realised that when I strip away everything, I already have everything that is truly important to me like a roof over my head, my family is alive and very well, a means to earn money to sustain my life, a life that I am falling more in love with, and the list goes on…all because I decided to detach myself from what is supposed to be.

You can experience this new level of freedom which will empower you to actually do more of what you love by simply asking yourself, is this really me? And if you discover that it isn’t, work through that to find what is.

Everyone’s mission in life is different and to think we should all be doing and have the same things by a set time is utterly absurd.

I’ll give you an example and I use this one because there is a huge obsession with it in this society, love.

For as long as I can remember women have been conditioned to be reliant on a man for love and value, which is damaging on so many levels.

I am constantly asked by people I know and don’t know about having a partner, which for a long period made me feel a certain way. Almost as if my life could not be fulfilling if I didn’t have one and that this was the pinnacle for a woman. They often inferred and sometimes said ‘that there must be something wrong with me’. At a point I believed them and took a long hard look at myself and altered my behaviour so I could fit. Ha. It didn’t work.

The plan for me was never to fit in, but because of the words I kept hearing (which builds faith, faith comes by hearing), I believed them over myself and what I felt. Big mistake and it cost me.

Through detaching myself from this conditioning, I have been able to replace it with one that gives to myself over and over and over again. By me for me.

Now I’m not saying burn everything and move to a remote area and don’t want or need anyone, not at all, we need connections, they help us thrive, my suggestion is simply that when you make decisions about your life, make sure it is by you for you.

Xo

I Just Want To Be Successful

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I had an epiphany the other day that is reshaping how I think about myself now and I am hoping it will help you too.

Ever since I can remember, I have never considered myself as a success or that the things I have done have been successful because my view point is I can always do better and more. There has always been a new goal to work towards and I realise now that I could have achieved the most amazing thing and I’d never consider it good enough for that very reason.

I was in the shower when the thought came to me ‘I am a success’. I don’t know whose thought in the ether I picked up, but for some strange reason that statement permeated every part of me as the absolute truth. I AM a success.

All the ways I was/am a success came to mind, even the most unlikely of things like my job, which although doesn’t set my soul on fire, I have one. You think it’s easy maintaining a job with all its nuances that you don’t love, but still go to because it funds your real love? Sounds like a success to me- A shift in perspective.

It made me think, if I do not see myself as successful now with all the things I have done to date and who I am, what difference will it make when I achieve more and greater? When will that turning point come?

We too often qualify success on other people’s terms and find it difficult to see ourselves and all the things we have overcome and accomplished.

Give yourself some credit and spend a few minutes meditating on your achievements, especially the ones you overlook every day. You don’t need anyone but yourself to do that.

Start seeing yourself as a success now and watch you attract more of it because we attract what we are, not what we want to be.

Xo

Finishing Strong

30 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by in Life, More Action, Motivation

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Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what’ve achieved and what we haven’t.

We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2018’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2018 be any different if you’re not doing anything different? You still think the same, speak the same, act the same, have the same conversations, do the same things and somehow it’ll be…different?

I want you to remember that 2017 isn’t over yet and there is so much we can still do in creating the life we want to live.

Now I don’t have all the answers but I do know a little something that might help. I learnt something recently from my mentor that has helped shape what I do now and it’s this; the work is your habits.

What do your habits say about you and your life? The state of your life is in direct correlation to the habits you have nurtured and practice on a daily basis. For example, if you work out regularly, it’s likely to be evident in your fitness, physique and mentality. Like the saying goes the proof is the pudding.

After a long day at work, like most I just want to plop onto my bed. I don’t want to do any ‘house stuff’ least especially laundry. The clothes are on my bed and I gear up to swiftly push them to the side and curl up on my bed but I pause. What does this act do for me? 1) Fosters laziness and procrastination 2) Increases workload 3) Messy space, messy life 4) Lack of clarity…you see, that ‘little thing’ isn’t worth all that comes with it, so in most cases, I’ll sort it there and then. Everything you do, is mapping out your life.

So, as you go about your daily activities today think about this, what is what I’m about to do say about me and my life? And if you find that the answer is negative, there is your starting point for you to do something about it.

Check your habits and if you don’t like the results it produces, change your habits.

Xo

In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

24 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide a certain quality of life the more you have of it. At least that is the belief.

I like to learn from others and I spend a lot of time studying people so as to not make the same mistakes they’ve made or better still to emulate their successes.

Amongst the people I have paid close attention to, some of which are extremely accomplished, there seems to be a reoccurring theme that they all speak of. Their successes are not an immediate solution to unhappiness. It is not a master key and it certainly doesn’t unlock a lifetime’s supply continuous joy and contentment.

Just so you get the gist of what I am talking about, please have a watch of this video before you read on https://www.youtube.com com /watch?v=zYDKCx4hSQQ.

We think reaching our goals will bring us everything we have ever wanted (not so, as there’ll be the next thing to obtain), but in all honesty it may just provide temporary satisfaction because our happiness isn’t supposed to be incumbent on the things we acquire or even upon people. It is and always has been an inside job.

Now by no means am I advocating that you give up on your dreams and settle for whatever comes your way, what I am imploring however is a need to check in with yourself and evaluate your life. Be a free thinker, decide what is best for you void of external factors and stimulants and choose to BE happy.

The video below, sums up a few of my thoughts on happiness and achieving it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDQRYbINeNM . I hope it enlightens you.

…And whatever you do, have a wonderful time doing it!

Xo

Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

20 Tuesday Jun 2017

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion

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Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason.

No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on.

People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives.

It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by an event, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the show must go on.

You might even say it’s a juxtaposition of sorts as,

In someone’s death, elsewhere there is birth

In someone’s heartache, elsewhere there is love

In someone’s downfall, elsewhere there is victory

In someone’s poverty, elsewhere there is wealth

In someone’s breakdown, there’s a breakthrough

And we should, in some way, take solace in knowing that life will continue with or without us and that is a beautiful thing just as it is tragic.

XO

P.s It’s my 3 year blogging anniversary today, and it’s bittersweet! Thank you for staying with me for this long xoxo

People change and that’s okay.

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, relationships, Uncategorized

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Sometimes the people you know, change, and that’s perfectly okay.

I had a situation at work where I “thought” I was building a good working relationship with someone and then I found out she was intentionally trying to undermine my capabilities to another colleague. I. Was. Livid.

It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone who wasn’t in close proximity, people talk, people will always talk, but to find out it was someone I was “pally pally” with, stung. I wanted to take back every ounce of my genuine care, consideration, niceness and effort. Of course I can’t do that now, it’s too late, damn it!

I had a neighbour, an older woman, who was lovely to me and my family for 14 years. She would always and I mean always gift my family with home cooked meals, biscuits, sweets, apples from her garden, you name it she provided it. We had supported each other in many different ways over the years. She and my late grandma were even good friends.
And then, all of sudden, she stopped communicating with us, stopped coming by, was curt and the usual friendliness that we were used to was no longer there.
I made a couple of attempts to see how she was doing and enquire if everything is okay and she would respond with plain answers without looking me in the eye. To say I was perplexed is an understatement.

I had someone who I believed to be a good friend, who purposely excluded me from being privy to major life changes, that Sue, Bob, Jim, Mary, basically *randoms all knew about…erm what?-_-

All of which was strange, abrupt and unsettling.

Things like this can leave you confused, upset, questioning your actions and theirs, yet you’d be no closer to understanding what the hell happened.

It’s surprising and it’s hurtful, but it happens and there is no need to blame yourself. How they behave is entirely on them, you cannot assume responsibility for it, you can only be responsible for yourself and how you conduct yourself.

Why don’t you simply ask them what’s wrong, you say? There’s this thing called denial. You can ask till your purple in the face and get nothing. They’re not comfortable in revealing what’s upset them so they say nothing or it may be that they have issues completely unrelated to you, you just happen to be on the receiving end.

How do you conduct yourself in these situations? As you always have, with a little more caution. The best thing is to redirect that focus onto yourself and the other people you have in your life. Remove yourself from the people and situations that no longer serve you. Give these people the space to just be, don’t get mad, retaliate or harbour ill feelings, instead wish them well.

I have encountered many of these types of situations and I opt for the high road. I don’t act out, I don’t behave like I have horns and if I do, I soon come to my senses and remedy it. I continue to be a good person and not allow their actions to change my character. If you do this, the testament is they usually come back, apologetic, different and willing to be better. I can personally vouch for this.

Life is way too short to deal with BS of any kind from anyone.

XO

*Randoms is British slang for a nobody, an irrelevant being, stragglers. You get my drift…

 

Mindfulness: Live in the now. 

25 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

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We have nurtured this habit of thinking about the next thing on the to do list, the next venue, the next job, the next bill, your partner, your house, the kids, job, your parents, world issues and the list is endless. If its not that, then you might be thinking of the past, the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s. What you would change, what you should have done, and how it could have been better.
With that said how well do you relish the present moment? Probably very little or hardly at all.

We’re often absent minded while doing things and not fully engaged. As a result, we tend to miss the little nuggets of richness, joy, and gratitude that we could be experiencing at that present time.

We think of ‘living life’ as this place out of the country, on a beach, with clear blue seas, white sand, and great weather and we clamour for that moment to have that release, that yes we have (albeit momentarily), arrived.

This ideology is a damning one, because assuming that is what we do, what happens to the reality that we inevitably return back to?

Why not consider making your everyday life a more enriching and pleasurable one by choosing to see the goodness in the things you are experiencing, be it good, bad or indifferent?

In other cases, people talk about when they get ‘there’ it will all be different, but how will it be different? It’ll be exactly the same if your mindset does not change on how you perceive things. If you cannot learn to be happy, grateful and feel rich with the small things, it’s unlikely you’ll feel that way with the big things.

It doesn’t matter what changes externally, if you do not shift your perspective and operate at a new level, that is not dependant on external factors, you will undoubtedly find yourself going around in circles looking for that peace of mind and happiness.

So rather than wait for that ‘time’ or that ‘place’, make a conscious effort to relish the very moment you’re having now. Take a deep breath, look at beautiful things, be attentive to your friends and family as they speak, think about what you’re doing, enjoy each bite of the meal that you were able to buy, be gratuitous to others, yourself and the things you have. Take stock of the great things happening around you, small and big and endeavour to completely connect and engage with it.

Be mindful, be grateful and definitely be present.

Ps I’d love to hear from you guys, you can contact me at info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk , speak soon xo

Yesterday was yesterday, today is today, no two days are the same.

20 Friday Nov 2015

Posted by in Less Talk, Life, More Action, Uncategorized

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My observation over the past few weeks is that we/I think too much. As mentioned in a previous post, ‘anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past’ both of which are regressive and stress inducing.

Now I know I speak a lot on what you ‘think’ but this time around, my focus is on the intensity at which we think. We magnify things and situations and make them much more than they ever need be, in turn it impacts our judgement and our capacity to be effectively functional.

In all honesty, it is at times too much!
It’s too much, when it’s depriving you of sleep
It’s too much, when you are no longer able to make sound decisions
It’s too much, when we over complicate the simplest of things

Yesterday was a particularly trying day for me. I spent majority of it going over events that had taken place, and by being pedantic over each and every detail. This only made it worse and my mood deteriorated very quickly. I couldn’t do my work properly, it completely spoilt my day, but guess what? That was the choice I made, I had ‘thought’ myself into a worse place.  I did eventually get annoyed with feeling annoyed and actively made steps to improve my current state.

At what point, do we stop tormenting ourselves with our thoughts and start ‘living’.
Living out in a way that brings about the things that we really want to exist in our lives?

The ability to live happily and purposefully is a choice and a habit that has to be nurtured. It will not happen overnight but baby steps will make a difference. It’s like stone skipping, the stone is small but it has the power to cause a ripple effect. The more it’s done, the better you become.

If you were an artist, you would practice to get better form right? Well this is no different. You have to do it repeatedly and earnestly.

Clear out the mental jargon that is causing you to be pregnant with stagnation and stress. Create or find a system that helps you to develop healthier thinking practices.

Start it now, get a pen and paper, use your phone, get on the Internet, research and put together how you intend to think less and do more. I firmly believe that sometimes, you do have the answer, its just a matter of searching for it.
Everyday is a new opportunity, to do and be better…yesterday was yesterday, today is today…

Think once, twic.. do it or forget it!
Think once, twic…do it or forget it!

Age aint nothing but a number!

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

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Age ain’t nothing but a number!

People are making themselves emotionally and physically sick over these life robbing unwritten rules as to the way their life is suppose to be.

I write on this occasion for my ladies that are constantly being hit with “When are you going to get married and have kids?…” -_-. You are getting it from your family members, your friends, your colleagues, strangers and on top of all that seeing pictures day in, day out of others doing those things. You are bound to start feeling anxious and that you are falling far behind.

When you allow yourself to be managed and controlled by other people’s ideologies as to how they think your life should be, you will NEVER be happy. These same said people won’t be there when you’ve rushed yourself into an unhealthy relationship or stay up late with you to take care of your child/ren.

Allowing such pressures to affect how you live your life can cause you to make indelible choices that are hard to recover from.

Personally, I wish people would be quiet about these “statistics” of women’s infertility the older they get or the higher risk of down syndrome as if people that had kids young were completely exempt from such things…yeah I didn’t think so. Oh and the other one is the lack of “good” quality men out there. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of men you haven’t met but Sue wants you to be worried about it because Sue has never encountered a good man which is purely down to her terrible choices in them (You attract what you are).

If we want to talk about statistics let’s talk about the women that have perfectly healthy kids and are over forty? Or the woman that got married to the love of her life in her late 30’s? Shouldn’t this be considered too or nah? There is no singular rule book on how things are to be.

Having previously subjected myself to such thoughts I know how depressing it can begin to feel. I almost allowed it to end a good situation by saying “ I don’t have time to be with someone that doesn’t want to be married and have kids in the next couple years blah blah blah”  Laugh. Out. Loud. All because I succumbed to societies notions of where I should be in life. Truth be told I am not ready for all that!

It is not the end of the world if you don’t have these things by a certain age. As it is your life, I think it’s only fair that it should be governed by your rules.

So the next time someone says “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” here are a few retorts for you to use.

“I am getting married or having kids…

  1. When YOUR partner starts treating you better
  2. When YOUR kids are doing well in school
  3. When YOU leave the job you’ve been in for 5 years that you hate
  4. When YOU complete your degree that you put on hold for two years
  5. When YOUR finances are in order and you pay your bills on time and are not in thousands of debt
  6. In short I will get married and have kids when all of your life is in complete order.”

You see it’s not cute to make comments about something that is clearly none of your business, LOL. Everybody has something to work and improve upon so it would better if everybody just minded their own business.

In all honesty nobody is qualified to tell you how to live your life. What I write is to inspire, incite and encourage a different thought process and ultimately action, however it is entirely up to you how you choose to live your life because at the end of the day it IS your life-your responsibility, your choice-your consequences.

Signed LBC

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

I made a decision before I started blogging that I would not deviate much from my objective but in this case, I think it is necessary.

I would be the first person to admit that over the past few months, I have actively chosen to ignore the recent happenings in the world, not because I don’t care but because I care too much. It is heart wrenching to watch the terrible happenings over and over and over again without the immediate ability to affect the situation.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I am strong believer in monitoring what you pay attention to and what you feed your eyes and ears with, as it has the power to shape your life- And with this I showed apathy to these situations.

However, I am at a point where it is no longer acceptable to be voiceless.

It seems that it is only when things of this magnitude happen that we believe in humanity and fight for its preservation. Orchestrating protests and rally’s, making grand statements on our social networks in order to evoke action from our government or others, whilst ignoring our neighbour that has little to eat, being impetuous with our fellow citizens and making a mockery of human life by spewing out hate through our actions or lack thereof…I hope it’s clear where I am going with this.

If it is change you really want to see, start with what is on your doorstep. Now by no means am I saying don’t make a stand for those suffering in other parts of the world, but what I am trying to reiterate is to also make a difference where it will surely count, in your homes, in your communities and in the lives of those you come into contact with.

I sometimes forget that it requires only one person to command change in any environment, just look at Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Bush, Nelson Mandela, and Hitler. They were all forces in the own right, that commanded the attention and action of others and the world at large. Granted, some of these people abused their power but it does not negate the effect that they had on thousands and millions of people. Why can’t it be you for the better?

Let it not be until we hear about that old man at number 46 who died in his home alone without love or care before we feel impassioned for those in close proximity. Every little action counts, you never know how a small conversation with a beggar may inspire them to do better for themselves or the disadvantaged person you assisted in crossing the road, who has now decided against suicide because you showed them kindness.

I remember a few weeks back (and I share this only for the benefit of this topic as personally, I believe such things should be done in silence) a friend and I walked past this pub and there was a lady crying her eyes out just on the corner. I am certain that a number of people had walked past her already. We decided to stop and ask her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell us the dire circumstances of her friend that was in hospital, who happened to be my age. That saddened me. We did what we were led to and bid her farewell and well wishes. Now I may never see this person again but I hope that in that moment, it provided her with some relief to know that she was not completely alone and that someone cared.

Love, kindness, empathy…always

Signed LBC

Ps. Look look look!  Short post. Oh and I know this is lame but evil backwards is live so erm yeah. That has no bearing on anything :s so seeyoubye!