Tag Archives: happiness

In Hot Pursuit of…Happiness

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I worry about losing myself in pursuit of creating the best life. I think about the cost of the sacrifice and if at all, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

It frightens me the influence money has over the lives of many, although it’s not hard to see why as it does provide a certain quality of life the more you have of it. At least that is the belief.

I like to learn from others and I spend a lot of time studying people so as to not make the same mistakes they’ve made or better still to emulate their successes.

Amongst the people I have paid close attention to, some of which are extremely accomplished, there seems to be a reoccurring theme that they all speak of. Their successes are not an immediate solution to unhappiness. It is not a master key and it certainly doesn’t unlock a lifetime’s supply continuous joy and contentment.

Just so you get the gist of what I am talking about, please have a watch of this video before you read on https://www.youtube.com com /watch?v=zYDKCx4hSQQ.

We think reaching our goals will bring us everything we have ever wanted (not so, as there’ll be the next thing to obtain), but in all honesty it may just provide temporary satisfaction because our happiness isn’t supposed to be incumbent on the things we acquire or even upon people. It is and always has been an inside job.

Now by no means am I advocating that you give up on your dreams and settle for whatever comes your way, what I am imploring however is a need to check in with yourself and evaluate your life. Be a free thinker, decide what is best for you void of external factors and stimulants and choose to BE happy.

The video below, sums up a few of my thoughts on happiness and achieving it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDQRYbINeNM . I hope it enlightens you.

…And whatever you do, have a wonderful time doing it!

Xo

Life Is Beautiful Yet Tragic

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Life is beautiful yet tragic for the same reason.

No matter what happens in our world, irrespective of how life changing it may be, life goes on.

People must get up, feed their families, go to work, see friends, finish that project, and do all the other things to sustain their lives.

It doesn’t respect persons or their wants, even when parts of the world is shook by an event, life doesn’t suddenly come to a halt, the show must go on.

You might even say it’s a juxtaposition of sorts as,

In someone’s death, elsewhere there is birth

In someone’s heartache, elsewhere there is love

In someone’s downfall, elsewhere there is victory

In someone’s poverty, elsewhere there is wealth

In someone’s breakdown, there’s a breakthrough

And we should, in some way, take solace in knowing that life will continue with or without us and that is a beautiful thing just as it is tragic.

XO

P.s It’s my 3 year blogging anniversary today, and it’s bittersweet! Thank you for staying with me for this long xoxo

People change and that’s okay.

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, relationships, Uncategorized

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Sometimes the people you know, change, and that’s perfectly okay.

I had a situation at work where I “thought” I was building a good working relationship with someone and then I found out she was intentionally trying to undermine my capabilities to another colleague. I. Was. Livid.

It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone who wasn’t in close proximity, people talk, people will always talk, but to find out it was someone I was “pally pally” with, stung. I wanted to take back every ounce of my genuine care, consideration, niceness and effort. Of course I can’t do that now, it’s too late, damn it!

I had a neighbour, an older woman, who was lovely to me and my family for 14 years. She would always and I mean always gift my family with home cooked meals, biscuits, sweets, apples from her garden, you name it she provided it. We had supported each other in many different ways over the years. She and my late grandma were even good friends.
And then, all of sudden, she stopped communicating with us, stopped coming by, was curt and the usual friendliness that we were used to was no longer there.
I made a couple of attempts to see how she was doing and enquire if everything is okay and she would respond with plain answers without looking me in the eye. To say I was perplexed is an understatement.

I had someone who I believed to be a good friend, who purposely excluded me from being privy to major life changes, that Sue, Bob, Jim, Mary, basically *randoms all knew about…erm what?-_-

All of which was strange, abrupt and unsettling.

Things like this can leave you confused, upset, questioning your actions and theirs, yet you’d be no closer to understanding what the hell happened.

It’s surprising and it’s hurtful, but it happens and there is no need to blame yourself. How they behave is entirely on them, you cannot assume responsibility for it, you can only be responsible for yourself and how you conduct yourself.

Why don’t you simply ask them what’s wrong, you say? There’s this thing called denial. You can ask till your purple in the face and get nothing. They’re not comfortable in revealing what’s upset them so they say nothing or it may be that they have issues completely unrelated to you, you just happen to be on the receiving end.

How do you conduct yourself in these situations? As you always have, with a little more caution. The best thing is to redirect that focus onto yourself and the other people you have in your life. Remove yourself from the people and situations that no longer serve you. Give these people the space to just be, don’t get mad, retaliate or harbour ill feelings, instead wish them well.

I have encountered many of these types of situations and I opt for the high road. I don’t act out, I don’t behave like I have horns and if I do, I soon come to my senses and remedy it. I continue to be a good person and not allow their actions to change my character. If you do this, the testament is they usually come back, apologetic, different and willing to be better. I can personally vouch for this.

Life is way too short to deal with BS of any kind from anyone.

XO

*Randoms is British slang for a nobody, an irrelevant being, stragglers. You get my drift…

 

Mindfulness: Live in the now. 

25 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

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We have nurtured this habit of thinking about the next thing on the to do list, the next venue, the next job, the next bill, your partner, your house, the kids, job, your parents, world issues and the list is endless. If its not that, then you might be thinking of the past, the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s. What you would change, what you should have done, and how it could have been better.
With that said how well do you relish the present moment? Probably very little or hardly at all.

We’re often absent minded while doing things and not fully engaged. As a result, we tend to miss the little nuggets of richness, joy, and gratitude that we could be experiencing at that present time.

We think of ‘living life’ as this place out of the country, on a beach, with clear blue seas, white sand, and great weather and we clamour for that moment to have that release, that yes we have (albeit momentarily), arrived.

This ideology is a damning one, because assuming that is what we do, what happens to the reality that we inevitably return back to?

Why not consider making your everyday life a more enriching and pleasurable one by choosing to see the goodness in the things you are experiencing, be it good, bad or indifferent?

In other cases, people talk about when they get ‘there’ it will all be different, but how will it be different? It’ll be exactly the same if your mindset does not change on how you perceive things. If you cannot learn to be happy, grateful and feel rich with the small things, it’s unlikely you’ll feel that way with the big things.

It doesn’t matter what changes externally, if you do not shift your perspective and operate at a new level, that is not dependant on external factors, you will undoubtedly find yourself going around in circles looking for that peace of mind and happiness.

So rather than wait for that ‘time’ or that ‘place’, make a conscious effort to relish the very moment you’re having now. Take a deep breath, look at beautiful things, be attentive to your friends and family as they speak, think about what you’re doing, enjoy each bite of the meal that you were able to buy, be gratuitous to others, yourself and the things you have. Take stock of the great things happening around you, small and big and endeavour to completely connect and engage with it.

Be mindful, be grateful and definitely be present.

Ps I’d love to hear from you guys, you can contact me at info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk , speak soon xo

Yesterday was yesterday, today is today, no two days are the same.

20 Friday Nov 2015

Posted by in Less Talk, Life, More Action, Uncategorized

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My observation over the past few weeks is that we/I think too much. As mentioned in a previous post, ‘anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past’ both of which are regressive and stress inducing.

Now I know I speak a lot on what you ‘think’ but this time around, my focus is on the intensity at which we think. We magnify things and situations and make them much more than they ever need be, in turn it impacts our judgement and our capacity to be effectively functional.

In all honesty, it is at times too much!
It’s too much, when it’s depriving you of sleep
It’s too much, when you are no longer able to make sound decisions
It’s too much, when we over complicate the simplest of things

Yesterday was a particularly trying day for me. I spent majority of it going over events that had taken place, and by being pedantic over each and every detail. This only made it worse and my mood deteriorated very quickly. I couldn’t do my work properly, it completely spoilt my day, but guess what? That was the choice I made, I had ‘thought’ myself into a worse place.  I did eventually get annoyed with feeling annoyed and actively made steps to improve my current state.

At what point, do we stop tormenting ourselves with our thoughts and start ‘living’.
Living out in a way that brings about the things that we really want to exist in our lives?

The ability to live happily and purposefully is a choice and a habit that has to be nurtured. It will not happen overnight but baby steps will make a difference. It’s like stone skipping, the stone is small but it has the power to cause a ripple effect. The more it’s done, the better you become.

If you were an artist, you would practice to get better form right? Well this is no different. You have to do it repeatedly and earnestly.

Clear out the mental jargon that is causing you to be pregnant with stagnation and stress. Create or find a system that helps you to develop healthier thinking practices.

Start it now, get a pen and paper, use your phone, get on the Internet, research and put together how you intend to think less and do more. I firmly believe that sometimes, you do have the answer, its just a matter of searching for it.
Everyday is a new opportunity, to do and be better…yesterday was yesterday, today is today…

Think once, twic.. do it or forget it!
Think once, twic…do it or forget it!

Age aint nothing but a number!

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

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Age ain’t nothing but a number!

People are making themselves emotionally and physically sick over these life robbing unwritten rules as to the way their life is suppose to be.

I write on this occasion for my ladies that are constantly being hit with “When are you going to get married and have kids?…” -_-. You are getting it from your family members, your friends, your colleagues, strangers and on top of all that seeing pictures day in, day out of others doing those things. You are bound to start feeling anxious and that you are falling far behind.

When you allow yourself to be managed and controlled by other people’s ideologies as to how they think your life should be, you will NEVER be happy. These same said people won’t be there when you’ve rushed yourself into an unhealthy relationship or stay up late with you to take care of your child/ren.

Allowing such pressures to affect how you live your life can cause you to make indelible choices that are hard to recover from.

Personally, I wish people would be quiet about these “statistics” of women’s infertility the older they get or the higher risk of down syndrome as if people that had kids young were completely exempt from such things…yeah I didn’t think so. Oh and the other one is the lack of “good” quality men out there. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of men you haven’t met but Sue wants you to be worried about it because Sue has never encountered a good man which is purely down to her terrible choices in them (You attract what you are).

If we want to talk about statistics let’s talk about the women that have perfectly healthy kids and are over forty? Or the woman that got married to the love of her life in her late 30’s? Shouldn’t this be considered too or nah? There is no singular rule book on how things are to be.

Having previously subjected myself to such thoughts I know how depressing it can begin to feel. I almost allowed it to end a good situation by saying “ I don’t have time to be with someone that doesn’t want to be married and have kids in the next couple years blah blah blah”  Laugh. Out. Loud. All because I succumbed to societies notions of where I should be in life. Truth be told I am not ready for all that!

It is not the end of the world if you don’t have these things by a certain age. As it is your life, I think it’s only fair that it should be governed by your rules.

So the next time someone says “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” here are a few retorts for you to use.

“I am getting married or having kids…

  1. When YOUR partner starts treating you better
  2. When YOUR kids are doing well in school
  3. When YOU leave the job you’ve been in for 5 years that you hate
  4. When YOU complete your degree that you put on hold for two years
  5. When YOUR finances are in order and you pay your bills on time and are not in thousands of debt
  6. In short I will get married and have kids when all of your life is in complete order.”

You see it’s not cute to make comments about something that is clearly none of your business, LOL. Everybody has something to work and improve upon so it would better if everybody just minded their own business.

In all honesty nobody is qualified to tell you how to live your life. What I write is to inspire, incite and encourage a different thought process and ultimately action, however it is entirely up to you how you choose to live your life because at the end of the day it IS your life-your responsibility, your choice-your consequences.

Signed LBC

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

24 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Life

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See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

I made a decision before I started blogging that I would not deviate much from my objective but in this case, I think it is necessary.

I would be the first person to admit that over the past few months, I have actively chosen to ignore the recent happenings in the world, not because I don’t care but because I care too much. It is heart wrenching to watch the terrible happenings over and over and over again without the immediate ability to affect the situation.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I am strong believer in monitoring what you pay attention to and what you feed your eyes and ears with, as it has the power to shape your life- And with this I showed apathy to these situations.

However, I am at a point where it is no longer acceptable to be voiceless.

It seems that it is only when things of this magnitude happen that we believe in humanity and fight for its preservation. Orchestrating protests and rally’s, making grand statements on our social networks in order to evoke action from our government or others, whilst ignoring our neighbour that has little to eat, being impetuous with our fellow citizens and making a mockery of human life by spewing out hate through our actions or lack thereof…I hope it’s clear where I am going with this.

If it is change you really want to see, start with what is on your doorstep. Now by no means am I saying don’t make a stand for those suffering in other parts of the world, but what I am trying to reiterate is to also make a difference where it will surely count, in your homes, in your communities and in the lives of those you come into contact with.

I sometimes forget that it requires only one person to command change in any environment, just look at Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Bush, Nelson Mandela, and Hitler. They were all forces in the own right, that commanded the attention and action of others and the world at large. Granted, some of these people abused their power but it does not negate the effect that they had on thousands and millions of people. Why can’t it be you for the better?

Let it not be until we hear about that old man at number 46 who died in his home alone without love or care before we feel impassioned for those in close proximity. Every little action counts, you never know how a small conversation with a beggar may inspire them to do better for themselves or the disadvantaged person you assisted in crossing the road, who has now decided against suicide because you showed them kindness.

I remember a few weeks back (and I share this only for the benefit of this topic as personally, I believe such things should be done in silence) a friend and I walked past this pub and there was a lady crying her eyes out just on the corner. I am certain that a number of people had walked past her already. We decided to stop and ask her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell us the dire circumstances of her friend that was in hospital, who happened to be my age. That saddened me. We did what we were led to and bid her farewell and well wishes. Now I may never see this person again but I hope that in that moment, it provided her with some relief to know that she was not completely alone and that someone cared.

Love, kindness, empathy…always

Signed LBC

Ps. Look look look!  Short post. Oh and I know this is lame but evil backwards is live so erm yeah. That has no bearing on anything :s so seeyoubye!

Boy meets Girl or maybe not…You decide.

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

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Boy meets Girl or maybe not…You decide.

What happened to the good ol’ days where boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married have babies, grow old together and eventually depart this earth? Of course this isn’t everyone’s ideal, but follow me with this thought for a minute.

It seems as though this type of structure is becoming a rarity to say the least. Having long-lasting and healthy relationships is no longer held as being desirable.
The young generation’s focus is about getting a man to buy them things in order to keep up appearances and be objectified, which undoubtedly comes at a price. Additionally, we have the men vying for women’s attention using various antics and materialistic things to entice them without any real thought in having more substance. Indubitably, this is not all men and women however, the aforementioned tend to be the ones gaining the attention and having their irresponsible voices heard, whilst those that edify one’s life for the better are regularly ignored.
I guess it’s because bad news spreads like wild fire and good news trickles along. Just take a look at the programmes on TV or the headlines that make the news, you don’t exactly tune in to be uplifted but I digress.

People often complain about the lack of prospective mates and the scarcity of good people, I don’t believe this to be true. I believe the onus is on the individual to alter their line of thought, perspective and action in order to gravitate towards what they want. How you think will affect how you see things and ultimately will determine how you act.

Now my initial intention for this post was to highlight what I believed we are doing wrong, the causes, social media, celebrities’ et al but I’ve decided against that and would like to give ten tips on meeting new people in its place.

So let’s take it back to basics and strip off all the extras. You don’t have to adopt these methods but each one can and will make a difference if applied.

1. Smile. I promise you, your face won’t break (obviously don’t smile like a Cheshire cat as someone might think you need special help and you’ll surely attract unwanted attention especially if you are in London, we can be a miserable set of people at times), nonetheless, I do advise you to try it. Recount a time a stranger smiled at you for no apparent reason, I’m hoping it made you feel good. This simple act can instantly affect your mood positively, it’s like yawning, once you yawn, so does everyone else around you, it’s contagious. People tend to mirror your actions so be mindful of what you do. If you don’t fancy smiling then relax your face, you may not realise it but a lot of people keep tension in their face because they are consumed with worry and other thoughts. Do this exercise wherever you are right now, repeat in your mind to “relax your face” say this a few times and as you do this, gently massage your face and you’ll notice a difference. Worry lines don’t just appear, I’m just saying.

2. Be polite to the people you come across. It never hurts to be nice even if the recipient is not. How you react is your business how they respond is theirs.

3. Have a good attitude. A good attitude goes a mighty long way and you will inadvertently attract good fortune. It is very easy to have a bad attitude with the stresses of life and everyone feeling so “entitled” but whenever you are tempted to do so, take a moment , readjust your attitude and respond differently. Needless to say the results can be highly rewarding. I have always thought why should someone’s bad behaviour dictate how I behave?

4. Be open to meeting different people from all walks of life. Ever met someone who you initially didn’t think much of at first but later on turned out to be an amazing person? I have and I can say it would have been a crying shame to have missed out on knowing someone like that. Don’t limit yourself based on your past experience.

5. Get out of your comfort zone. If you continue to go to same type of places, you can be rest assured that you will continue to meet the same type of people, period. Change is good! If it feels uncomfortable then it might just be what you need.

6. PUT THE PHONE DOWN. Back away from the gadgets and engage in conversation with others and by others I mean human beings, you know the ones that look like you, not the ones that have an lcd screen with buttons just below it. This is a very important one because a large amount of us suffer from this disease and end up missing out on creating priceless moments because we are fixated with our devices. There is nothing like interacting with someone, having eye contact, feeding off their energy, laughing, learning, touching and generally being able to connect in a way that a device cannot provide. There are so many incredible people out there, don’t be your own stumbling block.

7. Put aside your ideas of what you think your perfect man, woman or friend should look or be like. That would be your very first mistake as good things or in this case good people do not come in packages suited to you. Sorry to disappoint you but that’s just not how it works. Someone might look good but be as rotten as spoilt milk inside, yuk! No thanks. I have met many “attractive” people who are hollow-Don’t buy into looks as appearances can be bought if you know what I mean…

There are billions of people on this earth why in the world would you limit yourself in thinking that s/he should look like a b c? Don’t cheat yourself out of an opportunity of a life time with such ideas.

8. Take someone at face value. Sometimes their past or reputation precedes them. Ok this might be a tad confusing in relation to number seven but this is what I mean…sometimes you meet someone you’ve already met, that is, you’ve heard about them and their past. Let’s face it, we have all been deterred off someone and formed an opinion on them without even saying “Hello”. It isn’t a good way to be but it happens, equally it should be noted that people have the capacity to change, so grant them the benefit of the doubt, you might just be pleasantly surprised.

9. Be approachable. I suggest you get your friends to help you with this part. Ask from those close to you but only the ones that will be honest and enquire whether there is something you give off that you are not aware of. I’m glad my friends did this to me years ago, my goodness I was unapproachable and rude, it wasn’t easy to hear but it was what was best. Fortunately, those people gave me a chance and got to find out how fabulous I am haha! You may THINK you are being a particular way but in reality, it’s having the undesired opposite effect and this sole reason could be why you are not able to attract the right kind of people. I remember a former manager, who is a good friend of mine now, told me in my first interview how he didn’t initially give me the job because I came across as unfriendly and rude and there I was, thinking I was being the absolute professional! Laugh. Out. Loud. It’s one thing to intentionally do something but to create something you are unaware of is just painful ugh.

10. Last but not least, have fun! Let your guard down and be authentic, not everyone you meet wants to get into your bed or use you for what you have. Relax and enjoy yourself, people take dating these days as an interview rather than allowing things to occur naturally. Let it breathe and relish in what happens next.

And ladies, if a man approaches you, don’t be horrible and shoo him away like dirt on your shoe, just politely turn him down, it is not easy for them. You’ve experienced rejection before, remember that boy you had a crush on in primary school who you’d always try and grab in kiss chase but he ran like Usain Bolt whenever you came near him? Yeah…me neither, but you understand where I am coming from, it’s not a nice feeling, so empathise.

Men, show the lady in question something worth getting to know because I’ll be honest there isn’t much a lady has not heard from a man before, whether its you’re beautiful to I want you to have my kids :s. Oh and always be honest, believe it or not women value honesty and if you’re not she’ll find out anyway, we always do.
Ok I lied, I have one more tip for you if you meet a friend or potential “friend” take the time to learn about the person and I don’t mean do a background check, learn about them first hand. Their little ticks, mannerisms, take an actual interest in their lives, engage in activities that provide you with an opportunity to learn more about each other’s character.It could be paintballing, a day trip somewhere, hiking or visiting a museum. Do things out of the norm, it would serve as a great starting point for the future plus you get to make great memories, hopefully.

Like Maya says and I paraphrase if you know better, you do better.
Signed LBC

So much for this post being short grrrr!