Tag Archives: joy

Life On Your Terms

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Posted by in love, Thoughts in motion

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I just feel like you NEED to see my face lol. Vain much? Maybe…

Good morning!

I really hope you’re doing well.

I wanted to drop a quick note and ask a question: are you living life on your own terms? To elaborate a little more, is the life you’re living yours by design or other peoples design? And really think about that answer.

Over the past few months, I have been steadily unlearning a lot of ideals and thoughts that have been ingrained in me through the various paradigms I operate in, to sift out one that is actually authentically me, and doing so has made me happier and freer. I am now consciously making my own mind up about things and the (self)inflicted pressure has significantly reduced.

I realised that when I strip away everything, I already have everything that is truly important to me like a roof over my head, my family is alive and very well, a means to earn money to sustain my life, a life that I am falling more in love with, and the list goes on…all because I decided to detach myself from what is supposed to be.

You can experience this new level of freedom which will empower you to actually do more of what you love by simply asking yourself, is this really me? And if you discover that it isn’t, work through that to find what is.

Everyone’s mission in life is different and to think we should all be doing and have the same things by a set time is utterly absurd.

I’ll give you an example and I use this one because there is a huge obsession with it in this society, love.

For as long as I can remember women have been conditioned to be reliant on a man for love and value, which is damaging on so many levels.

I am constantly asked by people I know and don’t know about having a partner, which for a long period made me feel a certain way. Almost as if my life could not be fulfilling if I didn’t have one and that this was the pinnacle for a woman. They often inferred and sometimes said ‘that there must be something wrong with me’. At a point I believed them and took a long hard look at myself and altered my behaviour so I could fit. Ha. It didn’t work.

The plan for me was never to fit in, but because of the words I kept hearing (which builds faith, faith comes by hearing), I believed them over myself and what I felt. Big mistake and it cost me.

Through detaching myself from this conditioning, I have been able to replace it with one that gives to myself over and over and over again. By me for me.

Now I’m not saying burn everything and move to a remote area and don’t want or need anyone, not at all, we need connections, they help us thrive, my suggestion is simply that when you make decisions about your life, make sure it is by you for you.

Xo

Mindfulness: Live in the now. 

25 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

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We have nurtured this habit of thinking about the next thing on the to do list, the next venue, the next job, the next bill, your partner, your house, the kids, job, your parents, world issues and the list is endless. If its not that, then you might be thinking of the past, the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s. What you would change, what you should have done, and how it could have been better.
With that said how well do you relish the present moment? Probably very little or hardly at all.

We’re often absent minded while doing things and not fully engaged. As a result, we tend to miss the little nuggets of richness, joy, and gratitude that we could be experiencing at that present time.

We think of ‘living life’ as this place out of the country, on a beach, with clear blue seas, white sand, and great weather and we clamour for that moment to have that release, that yes we have (albeit momentarily), arrived.

This ideology is a damning one, because assuming that is what we do, what happens to the reality that we inevitably return back to?

Why not consider making your everyday life a more enriching and pleasurable one by choosing to see the goodness in the things you are experiencing, be it good, bad or indifferent?

In other cases, people talk about when they get ‘there’ it will all be different, but how will it be different? It’ll be exactly the same if your mindset does not change on how you perceive things. If you cannot learn to be happy, grateful and feel rich with the small things, it’s unlikely you’ll feel that way with the big things.

It doesn’t matter what changes externally, if you do not shift your perspective and operate at a new level, that is not dependant on external factors, you will undoubtedly find yourself going around in circles looking for that peace of mind and happiness.

So rather than wait for that ‘time’ or that ‘place’, make a conscious effort to relish the very moment you’re having now. Take a deep breath, look at beautiful things, be attentive to your friends and family as they speak, think about what you’re doing, enjoy each bite of the meal that you were able to buy, be gratuitous to others, yourself and the things you have. Take stock of the great things happening around you, small and big and endeavour to completely connect and engage with it.

Be mindful, be grateful and definitely be present.

Ps I’d love to hear from you guys, you can contact me at info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk , speak soon xo

In the Middle of Nowhere

14 Saturday May 2016

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion, Uncategorized

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I am struggling to write at the moment, it’s been full of starts and stops, which is highly frustrating. Why? A lack of satisfaction or fulfilment maybe? I’m still figuring that out. If you are a writer or blogger of any kind I am sure you can relate.

I’m in a very weird place, sometimes I’m happy well at least I think so, and at other times, I’m melancholy. I’m assuming the latter (well hoping it is) is just a fleeting thing that will soon pass.

I am sharing this firstly for myself, its kind of like admitting that there is a problem and secondly for anyone else who might be feeling a bit lost.

My game plan for this right now is focusing my energy on the things I want to change and be better. So that would include spending more time looking at what I don’t like and the habits that created it and changing them. Being around more positive people, things, watching inspirational videos, reading books and changing my environment i.e. going to the places that make me feel better or that create good experiences for me.

One of the things I would implore you NOT to do under any circumstance is the below.

Compare

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Please

Don’t

Do

It

Comparing your life to someone else’s is mental suicide, it never ends well once you embark on that journey. Instead of focusing the energy on them and all the things that are missing from your life, channel that energy to improving the state of yours. It’s a much better use of your time and resources.

Words that I am currently doing my best to live by.

And lastly do not to give up.