Tag Archives: Lessons

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

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Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, relationships

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Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

This is 30!

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Posted by in Experiences, Life

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I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting.

At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could go wrong, all went wrong at one time’. I couldn’t catch a break. For every disappointment, I steamrolled my way forward, refusing to stop, just dusting myself off and keeping it pushing. Of course there is only so long you can continue on that path until it all falls down, and that came the day before my birthday, a few hours before my dinner party. My emotions boiled over and momentarily a dam broke. Fortunately, I didn’t have the capacity to wallow in it because I had a dinner to be at, and not just any dinner at that, MY 30th birthday dinner.

The dinner was amazing! I am so fortunate to have had great people to help organise, plan and oversee the proceedings of the day as I could not have done it without them. It’s a huge blessing to also have friends and family that would show up and I’m incredibly grateful.

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What do I think so far about being 30? It’s been 3.5 days and its too soon to have a fully formed answer to this, but so far, it feels like a coming into something new. I have renewed energy to appreciate the things that I have and to make even better what I have been given. Ironically,  I also feel like the baby of the next decade (lol) which is great and I don’t feel so “old”.

I’m excited about what’s next and looking forward to the year ahead. I want to be able to say this time next year “What a difference a year makes” in the most wonderful way.

What do you want to say this time next year?

Xo

 

 

 

The Year of Realisations

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Posted by in Experiences, Late night, Lessons Learnt, Life

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As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase.

A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to anything (usually funny stuff) that takes her by surprise. I have a similar use for that phrase except the surprises are a bit more painful than funny.

I have recently had to question and re-evaluate some of the friendships that I have and it hurts to know that perception isn’t always reality.

The realisation that the esteem I held people in isn’t mutual is a hard pill to swallow. What concerns me more is having to look at myself and ask how did I get it so wrong? Why did I give of myself in a way that would yield such little return or regard?

I share this purely to show that irrespective of who anyone is, everyone deals with similar things.

How will I go forward with this new ‘enlightenment?’ Time and wise counsel from God. The one thing I do not want to do is harden my heart and become bitter, because let’s be real that will do more damage to me than it’ll ever do to them.

Relationships of any kind are hard work and require consistent reciprocal effort, compromise and compassion. If these are missing then it’s time to release the noose from around your neck and free yourself.

You cannot be of service from an empty space, you have to be full and part of that comes through your relationships with others.

Remember this, if there’s no love in it, leave it.

…In other news this is how I’m trying to be for the rest of the week:


LIT!

Xo

P.s I’ll be back to normal asap.

Hard Lessons: The 100th Time

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Posted by in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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You know a couple of weeks ago when I said sometimes the things you go through isn’t just for you it’s for others? Well that would be me right now. Huff.

I make good progress and feel like my decisions are sound and BOOM Abort! Abort! Abort! Too late, a f**k up.

I am kicking myself because I am so sure that I shouldn’t be in this position. I should have known it wasn’t a great idea, I should have left when I was supposed to, I should not have committed even just a little bit if I knew that I would not go the distance, I should have had the foresight to see what could go wrong, and the rhetoric goes on and on and on.

Needless to say, that particular dialogue is unhelpful, in fact it’s rather useless. I have two options; continue with that line of thought or be pragmatic about it. I, although challenging to do, have chosen the latter.

When things don’t go as expected, it’s very easy to wallow and sing woe is me, however it’s much more work to will yourself to see the upside and press forward.

In evolving forward, a good place to start is by taking responsibility for the part you have played. Think about what you did, what effects did it have? Was it positive or negative? What are the ramifications?  Get a full picture of what has taken place. You see, the mess isn’t necessarily created in that instant, it’s usually prepped and primed beforehand, meaning there are things we have done that contributed to what we now experience.

But, let’s be honest, we’re all winging this thing called life. We’re figuring it out as we go along, making mistakes, failing, falling, and everything else in between, yet those are the very things that can propel us forward to something even better. A chance to grow and be great is, irrespective of our circumstances, a blessing.

Embrace the things that cause you to question yourself and re-evaluate your choices as that will lead you (should you choose) to something worthwhile.

Okay, I’m going now, I have some figuring out to do but I’ll be back soon enough. Until then, *sings* goodbye my lover, I mean have a super sexy week ahead! Yes I said super sexy 🙂

Xo

2016: Final Thoughts

31 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by in Dreams, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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What a crazy and challenging year!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the New Year ahead. I am sooooooooo ready for it for many reasons.

I have learnt an incredible amount and there’s nothing like good ol’ trial and tribulations to grow you ‘real quick’.

I pushed myself and was pushed, I loved, I lost, I succeeded and failed miserably, I strengthened relationships and some I severed. All in all, these are the things that enrich my life for the better.

My top 5 takeaways are:

  1. Everything has a season. A time to sow and a time to reap. It will happen for you, be patient.
  2. BE patient
  3. Trust your intuition
  4. It will not work if you don’t
  5. Don’t force it. Pay to attention to what you really should be paying attention to and give that your energy.

I have to emphasise this, 2017 can only be better if you are. Do whatever you can that’s within your power to live your best life yet.

Be mindful of what you think, use caution when you speak, and act as often as you can.

I wish you a fantastic New Year and a MIND BLOWING 2017!!!

Much love

Irene Xo

P.s Some pics below from my recent birthday…I jumped out of a plane!  I’ll talk about my birthday another time, what an experience!

 

 

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