London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.
I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life.
Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find out when you press forward, and leap. Or at least hop.
In this season of transmutations, there is bound to be lots of uncertainty ahead and you may consider retreating into a corner. Don’t. Adjust your posture, straighten your back, wiggle your shoulders, take a deep breath, and lean in.
You are incredibly capable of dealing and moving through whatever lies ahead. Take a look at all you have accomplished thus far.
I came across a video of myself from 2 years ago. On the outside I looked fine, however things felt bleak and my energy was low. Nothing was aspirational.
A chuckle left my lips as the video played, because I was reminded that I can and will get through anything, as long as I continue to press on.
You will too.
Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.Sheryl Sandberg
One day you will be old. At least I hope to be.
As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and it’ll show.
Many storms would it have weathered.
I will no longer have a choice about the texture of my skin, ageing will fix that permanently, and there’ll be little to nothing I can do about it.
In fact, it probably won’t matter much to me, as staying fit and healthy will be the priority.
I’ll remember all the times I didn’t like how I looked as I wistfully run my fingers over glossy finished photos of my younger self. I’ll wonder why the hell didn’t I think I was beautiful.
I know this because I sometimes do it now and recall how at the time I certainly didn’t think that. I’ll also think what an absolute shame to have not loved all of myself and wasted years wanting and waiting for it be different.
It’s cool to talk about self-love now, but practicing it isn’t as straight-forward.
Self-love in practice is radical. It’s when you begin your inner tirade about what you don’t like about yourself, and stopping midway and then changing the internal discourse to one of praise and kindness towards yourself.
It’s embracing all the parts you have been conditioned to believe is ‘bad’ and ‘unacceptable’ and saying fuck it, its mine and I love it!
It’s seeing yourself as you truly are, and saying yes, this is it.
It’s doing the uncomfortable things, that your future self will thank you for…because when you’re old, the weight of these things won’t hold, regret however, will.
Regret for all that you didn’t do, because of fear, ridicule, and going against the grain.
Have the courage to be fearless, and love you and your life fiercely, as the chance to start from the beginning won’t exist, but loving it right now as it is, does.
When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.
I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests.
Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down our throats at every turn. Partly because we need to earn money to live (this will always be messed up to me), and the other side is the acute desire to do more than just survive.
The downside of that, is a lot of the time the need to have, is driven by fear, and consequently that produces greed, abuse of power, and wickedness in some people.
That was never life’s design though.
When you look at the earth in its untouched glory, it works beautifully, seamlessly, without struggle, and all things co-exists, side by side.
I believe this is how we were meant to be.
What lives we could have if we ceased to give into fears, and stopped forcing things to happen?
We have this idea if we do not do all that we do, everything will fall apart. It won’t. And even if it does, so what? Let it fall apart, and watch it all come together in order.
The upside of this time in our lives, is that we have had the space to reflect, and more of us are realising our power, and wielding it purposefully.
So as we start to see lots of go get it, make it happen and grind don’t stop messages to mark the beginning of a new week, I want you remember this story that you are probably familiar with.
There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”
The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
We have the same power as the fisherman, and all we need to do, is choose mindfully what we want and what we need for ourselves, by ourselves.
We are often too involved in things that are none of our business, and not attuned at all to what is our business.
I moved from one country to another in the last year because my peace of mind, wellbeing and quality of life is a priority to me. I recognised that I had the ability to decide. I chose to do what I was inherently drawn to.
By following that, I now wake up most days cherishing the life I am creating/have created.
Wouldn’t it be nice to say that you chose this life deliberately?
P.s New podcast episode this Thursday!
This week has been…*deep exhale*
In any case, we made it. And we mustn’t take it lightly.
Someone, before the end of this sentence has left this realm.
We mustn’t take lightly, the gift we’ve been given.
It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. No surprise there.
I went downstairs and made a cup of chamomile tea.
Embracing the warmth pulsating through my hands, I took a cautious sip and followed the liquid as it travelled down. The heat inflamed my chest.
What a beautiful feeling. To be alive. To experience. To feel. To be present.
Write down what you are thankful for, so you can visually see all your riches.
These are some of mine in no particular order.
Thankful to be healthy
Thankful for my family
Thankful for my brilliant mind
Thankful for the wisdom instilled in me
Thankful for a roof over my head
Thankful for my partner
Thankful for my friends
Thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful that I can cook
Thankful that I can eat what I choose to eat
Thankful that I can give
Thankful for my vision
Thankful for all my senses that work together beautifully
Thankful for my bed and electric blanket
Thankful for my creativity
Thankful for this blog
Thankful for the ability to write
Thankful for the money that I have
Thankful that I am always provided for
Thankful for my intuition
Thankful for discernment
Thankful for music
Thankful that things easily work out for me
Thankful for stillness in the midst of chaos
With everything shifting and things disintegrating around us, I still have so much to be grateful for. I’m sure you do too. Let’s focus on that, and savour the small, almost indistinguishable moments, as those are the things that affirm our lives.
I wish you all an uplifting, rejuvenating & loving weekend
Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.
When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.
We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.
Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.
I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.
As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox
I cannot remember the last time I decorated my home for Christmas. My family, at least the younger lot, aren’t fussed with Christmas much to my dismay. How and why don’t you love it?!?
Keeping up the Christmas cheer when others around you are not enthusiastic about it, has been challenging and ultimately demotivating. As a result my festive spirit waned over the years. Bah hambug!
This year is different. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home and in a new home, but I decided that given everything that has happened, creating a little joy in our place was necessary.
Saturday was the first day of the non-essential shops reopening, and having spent the last few weeks only going to the supermarket and straight back home, I was itching to get out and do other normal things, albeit with a mask on.
We spent the day deciding on Christmas decor; should we get a white tree? a green one? a snow Christmas tree? tinsel? a Christmas plant? decorative Christmas window stickers? Yes. Yes to everything.
That evening we put the tree together. It looked small and scrawny.
We spent the first few seconds after erecting the tree laughing at how uncharismatic and un-christmas it looked. Um did we make a mistake going for this tree?
A can of fake snow, tinsel, glittery green and gold baubles and LED lights later, we had a semblance of healthy-ish and joyful looking tree. Results! (Still a work in progress)
The warm and inviting ambience the lights create as it subtly illuminates the room, gives me instant joy and is a reminder that good and wonderful things exist. I’m glad I didn’t succumb to being the Grinch this year, as 2020 really doesn’t need any help with that!
My point is mark the occasion, no matter how little or who likes it or doesn’t, curate a little joy for yourself.
My next post is titled ‘Navigating Your 30’s’ and I thought before I drop that, I’d repost an oldie but goodie from 2017. I wrote this in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, and much has changed, with me that is.
For now, a quick refresh on things to know in your 20’s and at any age for that matter.
“Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:
- Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
- Heartbreak hurts like a bitch, but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had.
- Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom.
- For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
- Let go. It requires way too much to hold on.
- Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
- Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich your life.
- Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline, otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
- Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
- People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better.
I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?
A little while ago someone asked me for some tips on blogging, and so many thoughts came to mind.
I had much to say; things I regret not doing, things I could have only learnt on the job, things I wish someone had told me, and things that are difference makers.
I gave her my most significant lessons, which in all honesty apply to many things, and I am sharing them with you today.
*record scratch* I had initially typed up the seven points I gave her, but upon reflection, I changed my mind as I really, really, really want you to focus on the important stuff. And now we have three.
- No, your idea is not stupid. Run with it. The journey from inception to fruition might be a jog, sprint, or marathon, whatever it may be, just start! It doesn’t matter what it looks like, if there are errors or if it’s not exactly how you envisioned it, put ALL of that aside and start with what you have. And yes, you might be the only one who believes in it, still do it!
- The best way to get better is to ‘do’. Do more, and that means practice, practice, practice! Practice precedes progress and improvement. Practice well.
- Consistency. This one will make or break what you do. Do not underestimate it at all. Your work and purpose depends on it. It won’t be like that forever, but at the beginning and perhaps for a (very) long time, make consistency your goal. Think of anyone you consider to be successful, were they an overnight success? Absolutely not. It was consistency, trial and error and patience.
The chances are, you know these things already, and if so, I’m reminding you again. There is no escaping these tenets, so you might as well concede, and be on your merry way to hopefully, a more enriched life, doing the thing(s) you have always wanted.
We don’t belong here, if we did, we’d be here forever.
We’re merely passing through.
Many people see Chadwick’s death as a deep loss, which it is, yet I can’t help but think, what a gift.
4 years ago he was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer, and God said we could have him for as long as we did? To do all that he did?
A gift 🎁
My friend Franklin ascended 4 months after diagnosis. And whilst his life was even more brief in years, I still feel very grateful to have known him.
A gift 🎁
God could have called them home a lot sooner.
We do not determine when we will leave, so with what you have, make sure when it’s time to go, you’re empty.
Franklin gave me his belief in me and constant support.
Chadwick gave us a piece of history, and a reconciling of who we are, not just in Black Panther, but in his life’s work.
Be a gift, leave a legacy.
May they and those who have left this earth, rest in perfect peace.