Tag Archives: lifestyle

Personal Enemy No 1…You.

28 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by in Dreams, Life, Manifest, More Action

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Self-sabotage. What a bitch.

We’ve all done/do it and probably have experienced how difficult it is to unearth the habits that cause you to trip up and repeat stifling behaviours. Truthfully, it’s a scary thing to change your ways, as doing so requires you to push past who you currently are to be someone you have very little experience being.

It’s much much easier to remain as you are…yet you still feel so uncomfortable. Your desires niggle at you, willing you to get out of your comfort zone and do the work necessary to make your dreams materialise, but you’re scared shitless and feel like an imposter, ‘Who am I to have such audacious desires?’.

You might even make attempts to do the work, but you’re suddenly distracted, matter of fact you’re always “distracted”. You’ve become adept at finding excuses to not really show up, ‘It won’t work because so and so’. You want to leave it, you even convince yourself that you’re content to, but again, your dreams are persistent and won’t let you rest, it simply won’t allow you to just move on.

I get it. Changing is hard and real long lasting change takes time, effort and most importantly patience.

I do believe there’s a time and place for radical action but this is not one of them. Here requires a delicate approach. Below are 3 tips to help you help yourself.

1. Recognise the habits and thought patterns that keep you stagnant. One of mine is ‘There’s no point, I won’t get it.’ And guess what? It’s self-fulfilling, because automatically I won’t do the things required to get it. Side note: I had an interview today and got outside the building, only to come up with reasons why I didn’t want to go in. Thankfully, I had enough sense to call a friend who gave me something to think about. I went. I just needed a little push.

2. Pick one thing to alter and take a step towards it. I recently did a 24 hour ‘be positive’ challenge and I realised that as “positive” as I considered myself to be, I had A LOT of negative chatter going on subconsciously (lots more work to do).

3. Do the thing your gut has been begging you to do. It’s your biggest cheerleader. Refrain from constantly looking outside of yourself for affirmation. I truly believe that deep down every individual knows what’s best for them, they simply don’t trust themselves enough.

Take a chance on yourself, what is the worst that could happen? Growth- and that’s whether you succeed or don’t.

Xo

On Your Team

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Posted by in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life

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img_5963In case no one has told you this recently, I’m on your team!

I have many interests that I’d love to explore and maybe share, however I have chosen to use my blog for its current purpose, because I have on many occasions needed a ‘me’. And by that I mean someone who can be honest about things, encouraging and sometimes provide a different perspective.

My hopes are that my presence here bridges the gap for at least one person, that they don’t feel so alone and isolated from the world, and that somehow they can connect the dots for themselves from what they read, because with the hustle and bustle of life it’s so easy to feel unworthy, lack purpose or feel unsuccessful.

The inspiration behind this post is a friend of mine who recently started his business in men’s fashion. He was posting regularly and then he stopped.
I checked with him about what was up and he gave me an excuse as we all do. I in that moment, chose to give him a little bit of a push by holding him accountable and giving a deadline for when he needs to post by. I gather from his response that he appreciated it.

Don’t we all need that sometimes? For someone to give a shit about what we’re doing, to notice that something has changed, to care about a project close to our hearts.
It makes such a difference to have someone pay a little attention and encourage you to stay on course.

You might not have that in your lives right now but you can. To have it, you need to be it. It’s one thing to have the desire and expectation from others but to experience it you must know what it is like to give it.

Look around you today and choose a person/s and check-up on them. If you no one springs to mind, what about that person that appears to have together? The chances are they don’t. Take an honest interest in their affairs be it business or personal and be of value. Be an example, most especially if there are none.

Oh and in case you’ve forgotten already, I’m on your team!

Xo

Fumbling in the Dark

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Remember when you were a kid and you for the first time, entered a room you’d never been in. It was pitch black and although there was no real reason to be scared, you still were.
You don’t know where the light switch is, and you can hear your heart beating out of your chest. You don’t know what’s in the room, you don’t know if you’re ready for what ‘might’ be lurking in this dark place. You don’t want to be scared but your imagination is running wild.
You frantically place your hands on the wall, trying to find the switch but you can’t find it. You keep feeling your way around, moving carefully, in case you hit something that could hurt you. After a few more seconds you find the light switch and the brightness that comes next surprises you even though you expected it.

Your eyes slowly adjust and you take in what’s there. Some things you recognise as you’ve seen something similar before and some things you don’t.
As you’re now in the room you might as well get involved and get discovering. You’re still cautious because what you find could change things.

You make a plan of what you’re going to do based on your previous experience. You start looking at the things you know, with the goal of getting to what you don’t recognise uncertain of what you’ll learn. Will there be money? A toy? Something you’re not supposed to see or know? A letter? Hidden information about a family member?…

That’s life. Full of twists and turns, ups and downs, good times and not so good times, failures and successes, dark moments and brighter days and to thrive, you have to live through it.

You are not going to be able to have everything figured out all the time and this truthfully, is one of the most difficult challenges I have. I have to know everything. I need to know what and when the outcome will be and that’s thing, you cannot truly experience the best life has to offer by controlling everything. You have to free up the reigns a little bit (takes note), embrace what comes, and be present.

Xo

Rejected…again?

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facetune_14-11-2018-09-44-44I don’t know whether there are people who are unaffected by rejection and if they exist someone point them my way, I need some tips.

I think most would agree that being rejected once, sucks, but multiple times? Its the worst. And yet it’s inevitable, we cannot escape it no matter who we are or where we are from, we have to deal.

So how do we deal? When things aren’t going how we would like, there’s a tendency to lump all bad experiences together and make it one big ball of pain. This undoubtedly makes it more difficult to move past the experience(s).

“I applied for this role and didn’t get it”

“I missed out on getting onto this course because I was shy of 2 points”

“She left me for someone else”

“My colleague was given the promotion over me, although I am more qualified”

Imagine putting all of those together and wondering why you feel so crap afterwards. Don’t do it.

I have taken a number of L’s this year, do I stop? Do I give up? Do I no longer make the effort? No no and no! (And yes I’m definitely guilty of the above, I’m champion woe is me).

Some rejections I was unfazed by, others made me question myself over and over again. It happens to the best of us.

For example, I applied for 6 positions at my current organisation, did you hear me? I said SIX. After the first 2 rejections, I felt like shit. Most of the roles I applied for, I was more than capable of doing based on my skills and experience, but it wasn’t happening and I did not understand why. The feedback I received was positive but I just missed it. To make matters worse:

  • Most of the people I work with have been pushing for me to get something permanent and so I constantly have colleagues coming up to me, giving me information on jobs, agencies and the like…all the time.
  • It’s embarrassing. And whilst I appreciate/d the support it made me feel useless. Like why can’t I get together?! Frustrating to say the least!
  • This was a 6 month contract. I have been here 18 months which I’m thankful for, however MANY people have left and been able to find better roles. I MUST be the problem.

After the 3rd interview and it was a no (the other 3 I never heard back from), I thought right, what’s really happening here? After some reflection I realised apart from improving my interview techniques, my future is not attached to this company at all. I’d be settling here. I enjoy working with the people, however the roles have been something ‘to do’ and that’s definitely not what I want for my life and the universe has heard me.

From these experiences I have learnt that it is best to treat each situation separate from the other. One negative experience, failure or rejection need not be compounded to conclude that you are indeed a “bum”. Instead, focus on the lessons to be learnt.

Rejection does not have to be failure, it can be redirection and a chance to do it differently. You also don’t know what you’re being saved from.

It can be tough and you’ll want wallow in self-pity, but choose to dust yourself off, be a good student, and give it another go.

Xo

Am I Qualified?

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facetune_29-10-2018-17-17-37-1.jpgEver had a new goal that you were super excited about?

You’re filled with the possibilities of what achieving this goal will do for you and you cannot wait to get started.

You plan and establish the actions you need to take and then unexpectedly your insecurities surface.

What if I’m not qualified?

Who said I am qualified?

What if someone thinks I’m not up for the job?

Doubts here and before you know it, it starts to feel like a pipe dream. Within moments, you have convinced yourself that you’re definitely not up for the job and resign that goal to the ‘do not attempt’ pile.

Why are we the very first to sap the life out of something? Our own worst enemy.

Do you know what qualifies those that do vs those that do not? Their belief. That’s it. Those that achieve the most, do not allow their past, failures or circumstances to dictate what they can and cannot do. In spite of it, they move full steam ahead.

You will always be better off for doing something even when it does not work out as envisioned. The trade-off is the wealth of experience, applied knowledge and skills gained, that not doing anything could never provide you with. It is also a stepping stone.

I bumped into someone I knew online through a mutual friend. I had not met them in person until this morning. We started talking about various things and he asked me whether an online series I was a part of was well thought out or improvised. What do you think I said? We winged that bad boy!

None of us really knew what we were doing, we just showed up and figured it out as we went along. In that same year of doing the series, I wrote, directed and produced my first short play. I won 2 awards for the play and a little bulb went off in my head ‘I’m a writer’, and always had been, but it wasn’t until that point, did I acknowledge myself. That was almost six years ago.

Do you think how I write now is how I have always written? Absolutely not! In the beginning, it was trash. I cringe every time I see something from the past, but I had to start somewhere, as terrible as it was.

So trust me when I say, you can do this. Little by little, step by step, piece by piece.

Xo

Chasing Waterfalls

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TLC said it best.

It can be a difficult pill to swallow when you’re in pursuit of something that doesn’t want you back. No matter how much you do it simply does not want to materialise or work out how you’ve envisioned.

In that there’s a lesson; don’t force it, let it go.

It means there’s another area in your life that requires your attention, what is it? If you don’t know, look a bit closer, it’s there, screaming pick me.

Once you discover it, direct your attention to that thing. Nurture it, learn from it, grow from it. Before you know it, like a boys summer growth sprout, what you were in hot pursuit of is here.

Sometimes it’s like that. There are certain things we have to experience first and learn from before we are equipped enough to handle our other desires. In fact it’s crucial that we do, so we have less of a chance to totally screw it up!

It’s sucks, I know, but something greater is possible if you allow it to be.

xo

Why I’m No Longer Sharing

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img_0985From this day forward I am no sharing with friends.

Whenever I find out something new, useful or potentially life changing, I am quick to share it with the people close to me. I want them to do good too, I want them to know what’s possible, I want them to believe in themselves more. I share so they can know what’s happening in the hopes that they’ll concede but alas they do not.

Of course, I don’t know everything, however, I do know a thing or two about certain subject matters and with that I always want to give.

But after a few failed attempts at ‘helping’, I have decided to stop. I am no longer sharing and instead have opted to just show them.

As the saying goes the proof is the pudding and sometimes there is nothing more effective than others being able to see the results for themselves.

So if you, like me, have found yourself in the position where your words are falling by the wayside, stop talking, just do it and do it well.

Xo

Pursue Your Goals

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I went running on Tuesday

I nearly died

Bye.

Just kidding. About the bye that is, not about the dying because I honestly feel like every week I’m close to saying ‘God is that you?’ after a training session.

It’s brutal.

 

 

Here’s another confession:

I’m shit at running

No, sorry, slow at running

But not for long

I started running 5 weeks ago. I had this genius idea that said “yes do it”. Not a genius idea.

In my teens I would be in 100m races and do quite well, always maintaining between 1st and 3rd except for that one time. Let’s not talk about that one time as that one time was the last time I took running seriously. Okay let’s talk about it; I came in 5th, wtf?! Which I’m sure was actually last and that was it for me “I’m out!” literally and figuratively.

Can you tell I’m a sore loser? (and also very competitive.)

Anyway, winter season training has started, which means we train every Tuesday and Thursday. The group is a mixture of both men and women who are pretty seasoned runners/athletes and I hate them all. Okay I don’t hate them hate them, they just leave me behind *cries in self-pity*. Some of them are quite supportive including the coach, which helps, a lot.

facetune_11-10-2018-10-29-46My goal is to eventually keep up with the fastest out of the group, then beat them *laughs an evil laugh*. I have no idea how I will, but I’ll let you know how I’m faring over the next few months.

What goals are you in pursuit of?

Xo

P.s Tuesday’s training consisted of 3 x 500m, 4 x 200m, 6 x 100m, brutal I tell ya!

Don’t Miss This Moment

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Don’t you just love Sunday’s? I love them because I get to really relax, and the pace always seems slower so I enjoy things even more. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, speaking of which, how are you enjoying your Sunday?

A lot of us spend way too much time looking forward to what’s next, forgetting that this present moment, we had once wished for it.

We’re wanting more, bigger, better, and whilst it’s good to have aspirations, we run the risk of not appreciating the now.

I remember being a university student and how I couldn’t wait to graduate, as I was not enjoying the experience. Flash forward a few years, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reflected on those moments, and wished I had done it a little differently or that I could go back and do it again.

This has taught me that I don’t want to ignore my present in favour an already lived past or a imagined future. I want to relish my now irrespective of what may be happening, because there are always things to be grateful for, always.

So as you hopefully enjoy this beautiful day and you plan your week ahead, always remember #MyNow has treasures in and it matters just as much as the next moment.

Xo

‘Bad Energy Stay Far Away’

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🗣 It’s Friday, Whoomp there it is!

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When you think about it, it’s a terrible way to think about Friday, because what does that say about your life in general?

Anyway we’re working on creating the life we want whilst appreciating the one we have aren’t we?

The other day I spoke about disengaging and in the few days of doing so, it has immensely improved my energy levels and morale.

You see now that I’m not easily exposed and available to things and people, my interactions are much more purposeful and intentional. There isn’t that unnecessary noise that comes my way just because it can and removing this has been vital. The perspective I want to have has been fortified by simply clearing the crap.

I think that’s something I’ve learnt from my parents, that’s it not always about reinventing the wheel, but working with what you have. You don’t have to wait for ‘something’, the something is here, it’s now, it’s in your face.                 

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Side note: I’m writing this on my way into a work and this is my current position. In my attempt to take a picture to show you, my flash was on. LOL how embarrassing! Dummy.

Effectively, immediately, take control over the things that are no longer serving you well and cut them out, even if it’s temporary, so that you can make room for the things that will.

You’ll most likely feel anxious about it and second guess your decision, do it anyway. You’ll thank yourself and me (hopefully lol).

Xo

P.s The things I cut out are WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram.