Tag Archives: lifestyle

Day 3: Flights and Feelings

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You know I said I was going to the gym last night right? Well, I didn’t quite make it.

I took the selfie below and immediately after, I was struck with a very painful belly ache. It felt like someone was wringing out my stomach, hurt like a mother! I decided to forgo the gym for that night. Who knows what the belly ache was protecting me from?…

IMG_1738

Work today has been hectic, I’m lying, most days at work are hectic! Still, it’s not been a bad day except for me leaving work late again, which means I’ll probably be late again for my counselling session this evening.

Yup, you read right, coun-sel-ling- ses-sion. Times have changed, its not for ‘specific’ people anymore, its for everyone.

Say it with me “It’s for everyone!”.

With the right counsellor you can really make progress in certain areas in your life. What they are able to do is to get you to think, extract and create solutions whilst redirecting you to focal points in your life that need addressing. You might even consider me a counsellor of sorts (without the qualifications) in that I often provide a different perspective on things. They needn’t be seen as some taboo nor should you see yourself as broken if you have one.

In the year that I have been going, it’s helped immensely to have an unbiased ear to listen to my woes and gripes with life. If you have ever pondered on it, I say go for it! Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on this for too long, maybe I’ll share my experience at a later point.

*coughs * can I highlight that I am sharing things here that my nearest and dearest don’t know, sooo let’s keep this a secret okay? (she says whilst posting it on the world wide web, instant fail).

I’m getting off the bus and rushing there now. I’ll be back after my ‘appointment’- I prefer the word appointment, session in this context makes me feel weird. Don’t judge me I haven’t entirely made peace with all parts of counselling, bite me!

1900 hours

Today’s appointment was interesting.  My counsellor threatened me. Okay she didn’t (Ms Drama Queen Irene), she gave me an assignment that was non-negotiable, but is that not a threat?! Lol.  She has a point though, with previous assignments I generally don’t remember to do them, my mind is too busy. She informed me that if I don’t do it she has a surprise for me, pffft nice choice of words. I didn’t like the sound of that ‘surprise’ so after this I’m going to get started…tomorrow, no, Friday.

They came to check the damages to my car today for repair womp womp womp! It’s great that it’ll get fixed but the cost? 2 years no claims bonus lost, pay the excess and you just KNOW my insurance premium next year is going to be horrible! If you have any ideas how to avoid this, please, please, please let me know. However, I do intend on getting my bike license soon, maybe this would be the right time to abandon driving and get riding.

Before I go, I have to share that my baby brother went on his first holiday today and it tugged on little heart * cries *. Sure, he’s 19 but he will ALWAYS be my baby brother, forever! There’s an 11 year age gap between us so he feels more like my child as does my sister.

He doesn’t need me anymore, this indeed is a sad time 😦 .

Little Brother

Thats all, see ya and yes I will be going to the gym today.

Xo

P.s I’ll talk about the hashtag #NakedinSummer in my selfie tomorrow. It makes sense, trust me.

Don’t Take It For Granted!

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Happy Friday! Work is officially over 🙂

Every so often I consider what someone else who is deemed less privileged would do with the many things I have been blessed with.

I think if they had been given the opportunities like I have, what magic would they create? Their tenacity alone is something to be admired, yet here I am, sometimes dragging my feet as if I have very little going for me.

Very quickly we become complacent with life and stop trying because we think we need more of something else to help us get to the next stage in our lives, forgetting that the things we have, we once hoped, wished and worked hard for.

Every tool, skill and opportunity we need to thrive and progress forward is already within our possession. The question is what are you prepared to do with it?

Maybe your problem is that you don’t recognise the gifts and abilities that you have, and if that’s the case, then some time to list those things is needed. You may have to rope in your close ones, to highlight to you what they are. It helps to draw out those things from our minds and have it in plain sight so we can better assess our situations.

If you’re fortunate to read this post, it means there are things at your disposal that you can utilise, so before its too late, use your talents, to create a life worthwhile, after all, it’s the only one you have.

XO

Rejection or Re-direction? A Blessing in Disguise

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I hope you have missed me? If not, the rest of this post will be blank…try me. Just kidding 😀

Last week Friday I received not so good news. The long and short is I’ll be out of a job soon, as my contract is coming to an end. Womp womp womp.

It’s typical for this to happen just as I have FINALLY warmed up to the idea of being a nine to fiver (for a period of time) and building on a both the vocation and my aspirations simultaneously. But nope I’ll be out on my ass lol.

Thing is I am used to being in and out of work, it’s the life of a work-in-progress entrepreneur. I have lived this way my entire working life but this time around I felt a great sense of disappointment and disqualification. I began to second-guess my purpose and myself.

In instances like these, our outlook can sometimes magnify the negatives and all the problems we have ever had suddenly come into full focus.

After feeling sorry for myself for like a day, I dusted myself off and began to think about the upside. What if this is a prelude to something greater, something that I have always wanted, an even better opportunity?

You have to consider what is this “missed” opportunity saving me from or even leading me onto?

“Every time I thought I was being

rejected from something good

I was actually being redirected to something

better.”- Steve Maraboli

I remember one specific moment as a child where I was super excited to go to a birthday party. My aunty was coming to pick me up and as you know one minute to a child is like an hour. It turned out that my aunty couldn’t make it anymore, I was devastated, well as devastated as an 11 year old could be. My mother said to me “Irene, every disappointment is a blessing in disguise”. What the hell does that even mean to an 11 year old?! But she was right. I ended up having a great time going somewhere else.

The example may sound trivial but it taught me a life long lesson.

Be down just for a moment, then pick yourself up and think what is it I should be paying attention to? What is the great thing that can come from this disappointment? How can I turn this around for my good?

There is always something to be gained in every situation. Don’t think: “What if I fall?” (think) Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”

XO

Career hopping: The Ineffective Route to Success

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Without a vision, people perish.

I am about to be really judgy (in my world, all made up words are real, mmkay!), and I can do so because I was once (sometimes still) one of the regular culprits for this kind of behaviour: Indecisive.

If there was a list of offenders, I’d be the top 5:

  1. Irene
  2. Irene
  3. Irene
  4. Irene
  5. Irene

You get the point…I am talking to myself as much as I am you.

I truly love when people want to do well in life, I want everyone to win, even people I consider dusty lol, however, it frustrates me to no end when people change their ideas, businesses and goals on a regular basis. Like I’m going to need you to stick to one thing for AT LEAST a year or *summink!

I find that when people change their plans often and quickly, at the root of it, is a lack of vision, clarity or passion.

If it doesn’t work in the first instance, the most common action that I see some people take is to throw it all away, which is easily done when you are not convicted of your why or have a good understanding of how things work.

We build up great expectations about how things should be and feel like and once that doesn’t match our ideals then it must not be working or right for us. Abandoning your goals for those reasons can in many cases limit your ability to see the opportunity right in front of you.

The opportunity for growth is always present but if you’re hung up on what it is supposed to look like and believe that progress should just smack you right in the face, then you my friend will be gravely disappointed.

You see other people thriving in their careers and it appears to you like it happened overnight and that simply is not the case. Even if there are some people that ‘fall’ into a career and you consider them successful, there is a lot of work that goes into maintaining it, a lot.

What I really want to stress is that you cannot continue to flit about from one career to another, one business to another, one partner to another and expect to be successful, in fact it may be the very reason you are not. You have to focus your energy on one thing first, not one hundred things at once. Work on the opportunity that you have in your hand and stop looking at someone else’s grass believing it is greener. Yours could be just as green if you refrain from being a scatter brain (cheeky, I know) and channel your efforts into making the thing you want a success.

You need to be consistent, patient and focused on the outcome, not on how the outcome comes about or how long it’s taking, just scrap the ‘hows’ altogether. Zone in on your why and it’ll keep you going.

Now granted you may very well do that and it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, all hell does not have to break loose! What you can do in that situation is to take the learning experience and apply it in another area of your life.

There will be times that the thing you want doesn’t want you right now and to combat that, you must look at what is working, and ride it until the wheels fall off. Another opportunity with time, will present itself.

JF

Jamie Foxx is a perfect example of this. His first passion was music, but at the start of his career music didn’t want him, comedy and acting did. He worked that circuit for a few years before he released his second album which did considerably better than his first. By this point he was well recognised and respected in the entertainment business. It was much easier for people to be more receptive to his music-He wins! (Let’s gloss over his ‘15 National Anthem performance *side eye* thanks).

MA

Mahershala Ali has been acting for 16 years and my very first exposure to him was only last year in the Netflix series Luke Cage and now he’s everywhere!-And the first Muslim to win an Oscar 🙂

Nothing worth having will be easy. It will have twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows, it is part and parcel of living.

Work on your craft and if the craft isn’t working, work on something that is working. You can quote me on this, it will happen for you, eventually.

Xo

P.s *Summink South East London colloquialism for Something.

Hey Copycat! Results may differ

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This topic was a bit of a tricky one to articulate but I hope you get it.

This journey you are on called life, is tailored specifically just for you. It takes into consideration your strengths, weakness, gifts, abilities, environment, circumstances and everything in between. There is no other life like it and your only goal is to make the most of it, multiply whatever you have, be impactful and do your best to thrive. You cannot be duplicated, which means you cannot do the same to someone else. So no matter how alike you and someone else’s life might seem, yours is made just for you.

Okay now that’s out of the way, let’s get on with the rest of it.

We, humans of this planet (said in James Earl Jones voice), are all connected, so of course we’ll share similarities and certainly have things in common but be the same? And have the exact same experiences? Nope, sorry, not going to happen.

There is no harm in having people that you look up to, is there? I personally think it is good to have role models and be inspired by them, yet there is the danger that you’d want to replicate all that they do so that you can experience the same things they do, even though in practice it doesn’t always work out. Whether it is principles, products, services, formulas and the like, you have to be mindful that what works for them, doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you. How many times have we done what someone else did and it didn’t quite have the same effect?

Life is not a one size fits all and it never will be. Sure there are some fundamental principles that reign supreme and always will, however, it is about tailoring it to make it applicable to your life. You have to keep working towards figuring out what works for YOU and stick with it until it has fully served its purpose.

Whatever you implement into your life that someone advises or did themselves, remember that you are not the same person and the results may differ, so STOP comparing yourself- It’s killing your vibe.

It’s like doctors say, do not share your prescription with anyone, even if the symptoms sound the same. The reason is because that person might have an underlying condition/allergy that can cause the medication to have adverse effects.

I have been blogging for over two years and there are people who started blogging this year, who have much more subscribers than I. Damn right I thought, “what the hell?!” I write that good stuff and think what I have to say is valuable, why don’t I have an increased amount of readership?

Here’s the thing, my purpose, goals, training, are completely different to anyone else’s. Whatever I don’t have yet, I choose to see it as I am being taught how to cultivate it by way of the lessons life teaches and wills me to learn. If, for example, I received ten thousand readers a year ago, maybe I would not have the discipline I have now. In fact I know I probably wouldn’t have, I might have been like ‘ahh yeah I’ll blog when I can’ but now, there is no way I would ever devalue those that take an interest in what I write and find it useful. What if I am not supposed to have a large amount of readers and this is it for me in this area? Well if that is the case that it is serving its purpose one way or another, whether I know it or not. It may even be preparing me for something wholly different.

When we pay attention to what someone else is doing we lose focus, will and control over our lives. Focus on you, that’s the only way to get the best results.

Know that your life is not to be mirrored; it is to be authentic, original and yours truly.

XO

Positively Negative

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

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Humans are such strange creatures, they are my most interesting subject (she says as if she’s an alien). The way we work marvels me.

I had something entirely different to discuss today, but as with life, it is always subject to change.

En route to work this morning, I managed to read a book on my phone. I say managed because my commute to work is heavily overcrowded, but we’ll discuss this another time.

The book is ‘Write it down, Make it happen’ by Henriette Anne Klauser. The bit I pondered on was about compliment collecting, that is by my interpretation, accepting, acknowledging and appreciating compliments paid to us.

What I have noticed amongst people and myself included, is that we are very quick to deflect compliments but accept criticisms in a heartbeat, even to take them to our graves. It’s almost as if the good things said to us bounce off our foreheads onto the floor and the bad things immediately become a part of our veins-Why is that?

Many a time has someone paid me a compliment that I have soon forgotten about, because my first reaction is to be modest (maybe it’s a British thing)and make out that I am less than, that I am ordinary, and that there is nothing particularly special about me. Talk about self effacing?!

*Pause* I am not advocating that one becomes conceited, just follow my train of thought for a second.

Case scenario

Friend: You have a pretty face

Me: Yeah thanks/whatever (because it’s my friend, they are “supposed” to be nice lol) BUT my skin isn’t what I want it to be, if I could have clear skin then I’d be happy. Look at all the scars, it’s not even toned etc etc

A stranger compliments my outfit, hair, or efforts, my reply genuinely is gratitude towards that person. However, my subsequent response is to berate myself or downplay my achievements. So in actual fact I never receive the praise as I reject it in the very first instance. Who taught me/us to be this way?

On the other hand let someone tell me something negative, I will recall the date, time, where, when and who said it. It is ingested straight away.

Its partially down to the way we have been cultivated. We are not supposed to think highly of ourselves or speak positively. If you do or are seen to be too excited about the good things said about you, you’re deemed as arrogant, obnoxious, cocky, all terms that carry negative connotations.

But lets consider it carefully, why would you collect instances of negativity, yet hardly recall the times people have built us up?

Faith comes by hearing, and if what you are telling yourself everyday are all the destructive things you have ever heard, then there can really only be one outcome?

I think I’ll come back to this matter as there is more to explore, for now, let this be food for thought.

XO

P.s I do believe I may have a regular posting schedule, Mondays and Wednesdays, woohoo! Hopefully, I have not just jinxed myself!

 

 

What about me?!

05 Monday Oct 2015

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What about me?!

Hellooooo? Anybody there? Is anyone listening to me right now?…no?

Do you ever feel like having a full blown tantrum, a real spit out your dummy moment, in the middle of the supermarket, because life just isn’t fair!

This would be me right now, and usually when I get into this space it’s something I have to exorcise out of me, which is what I’m doing now, by sharing this with you.

Occasionally I get this feeling of being the ‘last man standing’, almost as if I’m in the twilight zone, watching everything else happen around me, except to me. Its like standing at a bus stop, and no matter how much you wave your hands up and down, jump, stand in the road, the bus just won’t stop for you! It does make you think, is there something wrong with me? Why am I always last or being overlooked?

Here are some of my thoughts on why and what to do.

1) There is a season for everything. It is important to acknowledge and understand that you cannot sow and reap at the same time. Sometimes we are not equipped yet with the things we need in order to deal with a particular opportunity. There is a training process that has to ensue before we can embark on that journey. Anything given to us prematurely, we are likely to sabotage because of the lack of wisdom.

The remedy is to continue to work on whatever it is you desire and if it’s not something you can work on, shift your focus. Ever notice how some things come more easily to you when you are not paying attention? I rest my case.

2) Undeniably, it is a hard pill to swallow when you see others with the things that you have so desired for a long time. The green-eyed monster may even rear its ugly head, thus making you jaded. It’s common and happens to the best of us; however it should NOT get the best of us. The antidote for this is again to focus on your ish. Nurture your soil, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, dedicate your efforts to what you have and what you are building. How many times have we looked at someone and thought, ‘I would love to have what they have’ and later on you find out that it was obtained through fraudulent means or that the ‘ideal’ relationship was in reality an abusive one? Not so appealing is it? Remember, a rose although pretty to look at, hosts a multitude of thorns. When the harvest is ripe it will happen for you and in some cases, better than expected.

3) Desperation reeks! There is something about being desperate that stinks of something terrible. It arrives before you and announces its presence in front of everyone. It in fact can act as a repellent for what you want. For example, you may have encountered a person that was infatuated by you, they wouldn’t stop calling, messaging, professing their undying love, yet all it did, was turn you off. Very often those people never move past the friend zone…I’m sure you get where I am going with this.

Desperation can cause you to behave unreasonably, and make costly decisions that are difficult to come back from. You can also end up sacrificing a lot more than you anticipated. Rather than operate from this space, actively chose to be strategic with your execution. For instance, lets look at the Mayweather vs Pacquiao fight that took place in May. Many people were up in arms about how ‘boring’ and ‘lack luster’ the fight was. Some said how Money May was running from Pacman, if that’s what you think he was doing then you don’t know the first thing about planning, strategy and execution. Nearly every move made by Mayweather was controlled, he undoubtedly was hit a number of times, but his strategy didn’t budge. You could see that he had a game plan, which was clearly working to his advantage. He had evidently done his research, and had mentally and physically prepared for his opponent. Everyone expected the fight to go down with right and left hooks, but he took a completely different approach, which his competitor did not envisage. This disarmed Pacman and left him visibly frustrated. Mayweathers stance gained him another world title and increased wealth, it pays in more ways than one to Plan, Strategise and Execute.

Don’t be predictable, be intentional, use the element of surprise to disarm your opponent (whatever that might be).

Now if all else fails, cry, cry profusely, and once you’ve done that, pick up from where you left off and continue on (just kidding), the idea is to keep on striving for better and not become bitter.

Ps You can now listen to an audio version of this post here https://soundcloud.com/lipstickandblackcoffee/no-29-what-about-me

What’s the worst that can happen?

30 Thursday Jul 2015

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What’s the worst that can happen?

I learnt something recently that I thought was quite insightful, ’Anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is worrying about the past’. The truth is the ONLY thing that matters is this present moment and what you chose to do with it.

Confess, how many of you have spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about what ‘could’ happen? I know I’m a repeat offender and all that serves to do is to rob me of my present time and my senses.

Out of all the things that you foresaw happening, how much of it actually manifested? In retrospect, what was the purpose of giving those imagined stresses your valuable energy? As the saying goes, whatever you focus on expands. The same applies to the past, (and I don’t mean to trivialise it ) you are no longer experiencing whatever it was that happened to you in the physical, why chose to mentally re-enact the circumstances and consequently reengage the emotions over and over again? its torture.

Okay let’s say it materialised as you anticipated, now what? You deal with it. Sounds harsh but follow me for a minute, think back to when there were others issues that arose in your life, I’m pretty sure at the time you thought ‘I’m not going to be able to deal with this’ yet you did.

The quality of life can be enhanced by CHOOSING to perceive it differently-When you think differently, you behave differently and therefore alter the end results.

I was having a morning of it, self- inducing stress over things that had not yet happened. The moment I begun to tell myself my worries have not occurred, it calmed me down significantly and I regained focus on what I am able to do now and also on what I do have. Granted, it is not always as easy as this, but it’s a good place start.

We are not taught to let go enough, instead it is reinforced to live in the past and never forget what someone did to you, what you encountered, or what might have been. With that comes a whole set of residual interests by way of our memories and feelings, it’s no wonder that many of us are embittered and miserable. We are in a constant state of past dwelling (or in some cases future dwelling).

Take time today to consider where you deposit your physical, mental and emotional energy, assess whether it is effectively being used in the right place. If you conclude otherwise, consciously choose to transfer it elsewhere and it starts by becoming aware.

Following on from that, centre your energy on the things you have the ability to affect for the better. The idea is to build on that instead of dissipate your energy being anxious.

The way you think either fortifies you or is killing you-remember that.