Ego–A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. A slippery slope or protective armour? I’d it’s both.
It’s also described as the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
The ego is accused of many things, namely in negative outcomes, as if it’s something that exists outside of a person’s being. In some ways I suppose it does, as it is influenced & stimulated by a myriad of external factors. On the flipside, it’s the reason you do better and evolve. And it’s important to acknowledge that too.
The ego is not absolute. Its neither ‘good’ or ‘bad’, it’s everything and nothing at all, its neutral, it’s all of those things until you inform it otherwise. The next time you go to blame your ego, think about how you see it and what you have fed it, because at the the end of the day, that ego is you.
33 held so much for me. I felt like I couldn’t fully exhale for a few reasons.Give or take the inaccuracies of reported history, Jesus was 33 when he ascended. My late friend was also 33 when he ascended. And a small part of me had come to anticipate that this too could be my …
The constant chatter is overwhelming. One person says this, another person says that. Your mum says it’s this way, your brother says it’s the other. Then there’s the people who love to be contrarian with no actual thoughts of their own, just adept at piggybacking off what a group of people might agree upon and finding a …
One day you’re fine, life is good and the air is filled with prospects that you could almost pluck them like the squiggly lines you see when you look at a blue sky. The following day however, you’re freezing your bits off, your umbrella is inside out and the contents of your bag have just …
Improbable–not likely to be true or to happen.I saw a TikTok of a guy doing the improbable. Getting two basketballs into a hoop using a crutch, throwing a CD into a moving Wii console, releasing ping pong balls with the aim of reaching various points and so on. It was fascinating to watch. In a different …
1.11.21 I love the first day of the month, especially when it lands on a Monday. For each day this week I’ll be posting a word to ponder on.
Today’s word is: Detach 1. disengage (something or part of something) and remove it. 2. leave or separate oneself from (a group or place).
For me, this means letting go of what’s happened, and focusing on what is. It looks like freeing myself daily from being held hostage to my 25 year old thoughts of who I expected myself to be at this point. I do this by confirming (not affirming) my presence in the present, i.e observing what is literally in front of me. Then I ask what can I do in this moment for me, my environment or immediate future? And that may be cooking a tasty meal with love and intention, beautifying my space, handling personal admin, or doing absolutely nothing!
Sometimes, it is necessary to look back. I randomly came across email exchanges from 14 years ago. What I saw shocked, embarrassed and made me laugh until tears fell. My verbal communication was abysmal. How did anyone ever engage in written conversation with me? and furthermore why? Were they nuts?! I didn’t go looking for …
Treat it like an exam. This came to me at 7:46am this morning. I was pondering on the how’s of a particular thing. I quickly snapped out of it like a Raven Baxter premonition because the ‘how’ is none of my business. The ‘do’ is where it’s at. And by do, that means doing it …
The New Year is fast approaching, and it’s the time many people begin to reflect and go over the year. It’s at this point that people panic and have great anxiety over what they did or didn’t do and resolve to do better…in the new year.Why wait, when you can get a headstart now. One …
Joy is usually reserved for the ‘big’ moments. Moments like a new car, house, engagement, pregnancy, job and the like. It’s also solely thought of as something that is given to you, rather than something you can cultivate for yourself. This is where Little Pockets of Joy comes in. I believe in en•joy•ment of the …
This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.
Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life.
To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve.
…but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison.
Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re punishing the offender, but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison.
No one or thing should hold such power over you, no matter how dastardly the situation. And yes, there are many horrific experiences strong enough to desire exacting revenge or retribution, but at what cost? In reality, the lengths we may go to to punish a person, is seldom equal to the offence or pain caused, nor is it truly gratifying.
Forgive them and forgive yourself. Do it for you, and your prosperity. And in doing so, you will experience more freedom, a lightness, and have greater room to embrace the sweetness of life in its fullness. This is the true win.
Promise– the quality of potential excellence.Possibilities– a thing that may happen or be the case. That we get to be here and experience a new week full of promise and possibilities is magical. I love that for us. Who knows what wonderful, delightful thing may happen to and for us. The promise within that, makes me …
Successful 1. accomplishing a desired aim or result. 2. having achieved fame, wealth, or social status. The media will have you believe that houses, cars, money, having a partner, and followers are the epitome of success. We inherently know this isn’t true, yet we still uphold them as markers of significant value. We yearn to have …
When I thought of today’s word, I’d already accepted that I had very little of it. Routines and monotony are not my strong suits. And then I looked up the definition and I was surprised. It’s shifted my perspective and has given me food for thought. We use discipline to strictly imply no stick-to-it-ness, but it’s official meaning …
Ego–A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.A slippery slope or protective armour? I’d it’s both. It’s also described as the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. The ego is accused of many things, namely in negative outcomes, …
It didn’t work. Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt?
We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now.
I often go back to what I was like as a child. It reveals much of who we are today and who we could be.
When I couldn’t skip well, I skipped until I could. When I could barely do a roly poly (forward roll), I practiced until I could to that and cartwheels. When I wasn’t the fastest in a race, I ran until I got faster and faster. When I was terrible at maths, I studied until I excelled at it. When I was told by my Sixth Form Law teacher to stop mucking around in class, I got an A in my coursework to silence her. When I couldn’t swim, I learnt what I could from friends and later on in my 20’s I took lessons. When I was told I couldn’t do something and I disagreed with their opinion, I didn’t accept it as gospel. I instead invested the time and effort to ace it and prove myself right.
You were like that too. You relished the opportunity to know more, and you could spend hours on end practicing, learning, and doing it over and over again. What happened to that person? The results of course were important, but the focus was in the undertaking, and this is what made the accomplishments sweeter.
Let’s get back to engaging with the process, and move away from obsessing about the outcome/whens, because truly that is where the real treasures lie; in the doing, in the learning, in the growing. The results are simply the icing on the cake.
When the sky cries and the sun smiles, a ray of colourful light is a reminder of their alliance; to dance always. Easeful–Providing comfort or peace.Nature gives me that. It works in order, at its own pace void of who, what, where and when. Trees do not struggle to grow nor wonder how will they grow, …
1.11.21 I love the first day of the month, especially when it lands on a Monday. For each day this week I’ll be posting a word to ponder on. Today’s word is:Detach 1. disengage (something or part of something) and remove it.2. leave or separate oneself from (a group or place). For me, this means letting go of …
I made myself stupid. Hear me out. Years ago, because of an unhealthy level of expectation I placed on myself (which stemmed from comparison), I would harshly judge what I said and how I said it. I would go over every minute detail and pick myself apart mentally, with the underlying message being you’re not …
This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.
London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.
I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find out when you press forward, and leap. Or at least hop.
In this season of transmutations, there is bound to be lots of uncertainty ahead and you may consider retreating into a corner. Don’t. Adjust your posture, straighten your back, wiggle your shoulders, take a deep breath, and lean in.
You are incredibly capable of dealing and moving through whatever lies ahead. Take a look at all you have accomplished thus far.
I came across a video of myself from 2 years ago. On the outside I looked fine, however things felt bleak and my energy was low. Nothing was aspirational. A chuckle left my lips as the video played, because I was reminded that I can and will get through anything, as long as I continue to press on. You will too.
Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.
Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life. To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve. …but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison. Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re …
A video of Kim K came across my sight over the weekend. It was her on SNL. I watched it and it dawned on me that I have no idea what she and her family were up to these days. It’s fascinating what can change once you set your eyes on something entirely different. I regularly …
I visited the Musée Yves Saint Laurent on Sunday and was re-energised by what I saw. For the designer, it was more than just clothes that looked good, it was art, curated by passion, breaking moulds and forging new ways to be seen and felt. As I perused his wears, studied the fabrics, observed the …
The feeling of a crisp Monday morning cannot be replicated by any other day of the week. It’s full of both promise and dread in equal amounts. What will it bring? What will I have to tackle? What joy will I experience? What task might feel too great? And whilst you marinate on it, you’ll …
What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.
When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand. I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests.
Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down our throats at every turn. Partly because we need to earn money to live (this will always be messed up to me), and the other side is the acute desire to do more than just survive. The downside of that, is a lot of the time the need to have, is driven by fear, and consequently that produces greed, abuse of power, and wickedness in some people.
That was never life’s design though. When you look at the earth in its untouched glory, it works beautifully, seamlessly, without struggle, and all things co-exists, side by side. I believe this is how we were meant to be.
What lives we could have if we ceased to give into fears, and stopped forcing things to happen? We have this idea if we do not do all that we do, everything will fall apart. It won’t. And even if it does, so what? Let it fall apart, and watch it all come together in order.
The upside of this time in our lives, is that we have had the space to reflect, and more of us are realising our power, and wielding it purposefully.
So as we start to see lots of go get it, make it happen and grind don’t stop messages to mark the beginning of a new week, I want you remember this story that you are probably familiar with.
There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish. The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.” “Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?” The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”
The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.” The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!” The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
We have the same power as the fisherman, and all we need to do, is choose mindfully what we want and what we need for ourselves, by ourselves. We are often too involved in things that are none of our business, and not attuned at all to what is our business.
I moved from one country to another in the last year because my peace of mind, wellbeing and quality of life is a priority to me. I recognised that I had the ability to decide. I chose to do what I was inherently drawn to. By following that, I now wake up most days cherishing the life I am creating/have created.
Wouldn’t it be nice to say that you chose this life deliberately?
And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won. Whew! Returning to the blog after an unplanned period away, is like that first day at the gym after falling off for months. It takes a whole lot to get there. On this occasion, the distance was due to Covid. …
Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post. Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. …
Face your front is a commonly known Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time. How much further along might you be if you pull backed some …
Talks of Tier 5? What are they doing? Who is in BJ’s camp advising him? And when will they all leave this office?
Feels like we’re unlocking a new level in a game, but instead of gaining points, collecting treasures and getting super powers, we’re awarded an increase in frustration, confusion and sadness. I’m convinced Boris hates his constituents. Everything, is too little, too late.
I understand that this is brand new for all of us, including the government. The difference however, is that they have access to experts in every field to guide them on how to best manage the pandemic and people, along with their expectations, well-being, and livelihoods. Also, we’re all privy to seeing how other countries have dealt with efficacy. For goodness sake, take notes!
Clear messaging creates clear expectation, which avoids disappointment.
We all hate what this pandemic has done, but it’s the management of it all that’s one of most challenging things about it.
The messaging has been unclear, impractical, and simply cannot be trusted. The ping ponging of our physical, emotional and mental well-being is what is taking a huge toll on everyone. Its our lives in the balance— double entendre intended.
I watched this video a little while back (see below) and this principle, is one way to effectively manage things in difficult and unprecedented times.
If anyone knows the PM, please direct him to this post. Thanks, management.
That’s my little rant over. Back to us.
For us as individuals, we have a responsibility to ourselves. We cannot afford to rely on the elected to make decisions that support us. So in this transformational period, pivot. This has been my saving grace. When plans do not work out, I work with what’s working, I look at the alternatives, I face what’s immediately in front of me not months ahead, I control what I can control, and leave the rest. Standing in one spot and allowing life to happen to us in every aspect is only going to pull us further and further away from our nirvana.
Shift your focus and pool your energy into a penetrable cause. Think of yourself as an athlete, say a tennis or basketball player or even a footballer. Consider how they constantly look for the opportunity to win. That’s what we can do too, win. N.B Everyone’s winning is different.
…And I have every faith that as resilient and buoyant people, we will recover, like always.
It didn’t work. Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt? We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now. I often go back to what I was like as a child. …
We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are. I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming …
London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.
I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find …
lipstickandblackcoffee 