Tag Archives: Negative

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

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Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, relationships

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Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

Who’s Whispering In Your Ear?

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Posted by in Experiences, Motivation

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Who’s whispering in your ear?

Do the people around you validate your fears? Do they exacerbate an already bad situation with their opinions and presence? Do they tell you about all the terrible ways they have dealt with things and encourage you to do the same? Do they knock your dreams? If so, drop them, now!

I am very very mindful about who I confide in concerning the matters of my life. One of the things I recommend not doing, is going around telling any and everyone who would listen about your problems or aspirations and here’s why:

When you speak to people who do not see the bigger picture, who are perpetually negative, who do not aspire to do or be better, whose life’s a constant mess, you’ll end up in the same position that you’ve always been in or worse still in the position they have always been. Their words and actions are infectious, make no mistake about it.

You need people in your life that will challenge your behaviour and thoughts, who will correct you when you’re wrong, who will give you a different perspective on things, who are actively in pursuit of manifesting their dreams and who have accomplished many and great things in their lives. You DO NOT want to speak to those who have achieved nothing great or positive, have given up on their dreams, who are constant complainers and always have something negative to say. You might not know it but the words and things you hear and see are shaping the world around you every single day. They are more influential than you think as whatever goes into your ears and eyes feeds you.

A couple of times a month or more I drive through the area I want to live in because I have to be reminded of my goals and what’s possible. If there is nothing around you that reiterates what you want in your life, you have to go there physically. Take yourself there through what you listen to, who you speak to, where you go, what you do and lastly through your imagination. And you always have your imagination. 

…Psst, let me whisper something in your ear, come closer, a bit more, perfect, go be great.

whisper

Xo

 

Petty Bitter Betty

08 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

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We are wired wrong.

There are some things that people are incredibly sensitive about, one of them is birthdays. I think nearly everyone can relate to this.

Mine is coming up and I had sent out invitations last night. Of course, with these things you get an onslaught of ‘I can’t make it’, ‘Sorry’, ‘I have a previous engagement’, blah blah blah! It’s to be expected. However it still doesn’t stop you from being in your feelings.

This was me yesterday, I began to think and feel negative about the fact that some of the invitees could not make it. I thought about the many, many, many times I had shown up for them in different ways and felt slighted that the efforts I make aren’t always reciprocated. This train of thought, coupled with my own other insecurities spell disaster. I even considered from this point onwards, not showing up for people and reducing the ways that I over extend and often times inconvenience myself to support these people. But then I caught myself, pressed pause and checked my thoughts.

This was the conversation I was having in my head and all within a few minutes might I add-Could you imagine, if I allowed this dialogue to continue for hours, days, months? I’d be a lil’ menace and a petty bitter betty. Thankfully, the good voice always reigns supreme so it never wins, but I have had some close calls.

It dawned on me that I was paying way too much unnecessary attention to all the no’s and not valuing and appreciating all the yeses and there were yeses. What the hell is wrong me?!

I know I am not the only one whose wiring is configured to magnify and exacerbate the negatives rather than promote and celebrate the wonderful positives. We have unfortunately been conditioned this way and it serves as our go-to whenever we face something we don’t particularly like and in some cases even when the circumstances are favourable, we find something to be upset about. This disposition is a huge blessing and gratitude blocker too.

It made me realize how deep rooted negative thinking can be and how it shows up even in the small things. It is not only damaging to you, but to the people around you. It’s a condition that needs treatment immediately effectively otherwise it may cause depression, isolation, or worse, death. And I am not kidding either.

It’s this kind of thinking that can eventually lead people to wanting to end it all, or find a destructive vice, like drugs, sex, self-harm, eating disorders and the like. So please don’t take it lightly, for your own good, do something about it.

I am often checking myself and filtering the thoughts that pass through my head, taking the ones that will serve me and ditching the ones that will not, although I am not always successful in respect of the latter, yet, still, I try.

I have to say something else that I don’t think a lot of people are aware of and it’s this: Not every thought that comes to mind is yours or is for you. Sometimes there are thoughts in the ether looking for a mind to stick to (which is why words are powerful, but that’s a topic for another day). There are times I have thoughts and I think ‘hold up, that’s not of me’ and immediately reject it.

Give it a shot, choose to be conscious of your thoughts, even the seemingly insignificant ones and examine if they are helping or destroying you.

As a very AA colloquial saying goes, ‘Check yourself, before you wreck yourself’.

Oh, and don’t be a PBB, it’s not a good look 🙂

XO

Ps You know how I say I am dramatic right?…let me give you a better idea, King Julien IS my spirit animal (He gets me Lol!), nuff said.

Pps The urge to be petty always exists but then again so does Karma and that trumps petty so…erm…think about that.