Tag Archives: peace

Nothing Lasts Forever

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Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing.

I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it.

Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says ‘this too shall pass’ and I am clinging to those words fiercely. And you should too.

Knowing that ‘life comes at you fast’ is why I do my best to relish the great things I experience and to find the good things during hard times.

To savour the great times here are a few things I do:

1. Be present. Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the colours, what you see, smell, who you’re with, where you are. Use all of your senses to interact and connect with the moment.

2. Be thankful. I make seemingly small moments bigger by being grateful for the things I am able to do. I take just a few seconds to be thankful for what I’m experiencing. Things like withdrawing money, buying food, paying a bill, getting my nails done, looking at my family, using my phone. You get my drift. And in doing these things, I notice what I feel about being able to do these things and remember it.

3. Give. Whatever you are able to do no matter how small or big for another person or cause, do it. It does not have to be the obvious things like money, it could be time, encouragement, fixing something, anything you’re led to. I firmly believe that irrespective of your state there’s always something you can do.

To elevate your spirit during difficult times:

Do your best to keep doing the above.

1. With being present, look at the things you typically take for granted and are easily overlooked. Things you always have and do not struggle for and cherish it that much more.

2. Do more of the things you enjoying doing. It could be a hobby or improving a skill you have or even learning a new one. I started cooking more which I hardly did. I’ve made some meals I haven’t made in almost 5 years and I feel much better for it. The idea is to not place so much focus & mental energy on what isn’t working out as doing that only exacerbates the situation in your mind. It’s especially important in cases where it is out of your hands.

3. Meditate everyday. Make time to be quiet and still and…talk to yourself out loud (not loudly). If you believe in a higher power, talk to them instead. You can start with 5 minutes a day and use your phone to set an alarm for this session. I currently don’t use music but when I do it’s either rain sounds or spa music, however silence is my preference. With the busyness of life, having ‘you’ time to reflect and create is essential to being able to function well. Might sound unusual but it actually can be therapeutic to be your own counsellor. I always feel refreshed afterwards.

Hope this helps.

Xo

Trials

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img_5527Whew it’s been a minute.

It’s not that I haven’t thought about you, I have. I think about you often and want to write. I pick up my phone, open notes and nothing. Stringing a sentence together has felt like pulling teeth and if I am honest I simply haven’t felt like it.

I know you’re supposed to push past those feelings, as that’s how you develop discipline, but in the midst of that, I have been figuring out what life is, especially after the passing of Franklin. And for a period everything seemed pointless and at times it still does.

I’m working that out though, making it make sense to me because I need it to. I do however acknowledge that the reality is I may not receive the total peace I need from this, unless I just let it go…and I’m not ready yet.

Anyway, I celebrated my birthday on Monday and it was different. I was different. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but the word calm or should I say unbothered springs to mind and I’m not sure if I like it yet (lol). I was eerily still inside.

Maybe it’s because I’m currently in a different country?

Maybe it’s everything that’s happened over the past few months?

Maybe it’s the quiet confidence they say you’ll get once you’re in your 30s?

Even with all of that I am grateful to have witnessed another year of life.

I’m saying all of this as I believe it’s important to be truthful about your experiences, not only to yourself but to others, as only then will you be able to move through them with more ease. And you never know who will find solace in your truth.

So consider this post a breaking of the seal as till the end of the year I’m going to be here, she says.

Thank you all for your continuous support and you’ll read me tomorrow xo

Ask the Right Questions

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img_4754A few friends of mine would make fun of me saying I asked too many questions.  ‘Questionnaire’ is what they’d call me.

I don’t always need to have the full information but enough for me make an informed decision; after all my brain works, why should I leave all the decision making to someone else especially when it impacts me?

I made a decision to do things completely different and set a goal for completion at end of 2019.  To achieve it will require a different version of who I have been to date.

So I started asking myself questions, questions about what I would need to do, the knowledge I need to have, the places I need to be in, the people I need to talk to, the time frame it needs to be done in, the money I’d need to invest, what I’d need to invest in, the mind set I need to have, the practices I need to change, the ones I have to adopt, what I have to cut, and so on. And then I answered them.

I pushed myself to think past the confines that I am used to and this process has put me in a completely different headspace, and for the things I did (do) not know, I research, I study, I apply it.

Too often we think others know so much more than we do and completely undervalue the wealth of knowledge, skill and experience we do have or have access to. Don’t.

Ask questions, don’t be a zombie that follows the status quo. Challenge yourself and it might surprise you in realising what you know or even what you don’t know and now know that you need to.

If you want to live a life that is completely debt free, ask the questions, do the work.

If you want to live on a beach in a tropical country, ask the questions, do the work.

If you want to have £100,000 in 1 year, ask the questions, do the work.

If you want to buy your first property, ask the questions, do the work.

If you want peace, ask the questions, do the work.

You get my drift.

It’s not about knowing everything, it’s starting with what you know that gets you closer to where you want to be; whether it’s dealing with heartbreak, making a large purchase, starting a business or having a healthy relationship with your partner.

Xo

Don’t Forget to Exhale 

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img_3353Hey. Psst. Don’t run off to start your weekend just yet, read me, it’ll only take a couple of minutes.

I love a Friday night just like anyone else except I prefer to stay in to unwind and decompress.

If you’re a Londoner like me or live in a city where the pace is fast, it’s very easy to be always on the go, even when there’s no reason to be. Over time you can become so overwhelmed and bogged down with it all, that you just want to run away.

For some of us, a break means leaving the country, but that isn’t always necessary, you don’t have to run away. You can stay and get the peace of mind that you want right where you live.

You might have lots of ‘busy’ plans this weekend, you know the ones I’m talking about, doing something for doing something sake. Stop. Slow it down and exhale.

When I want a time out from everything (so I don’t lose my entire marbles), there are a few things that I do and I’ll share one, okay maybe two with you.

1. Be in silence

With technology being a huge part of our lives, we’re constantly plugged in from the moment we wake up to the time we lay our heads to rest.

Tonight when you get in after work or over the weekend, lay on your bed, do nothing, listen to nothing, let it be quiet so that all you can hear is white noise or the clock ticking. Don’t have your lights or anything that uses electrical energy on. Allow yourself to recharge whilst you’re awake.

In this stillness you’ll find the chatter in your head will amplify. Notice what you think about and if it’s not harmonious with your wants, gently steer it in the direction you want it go.

You can do this as regularly as you want, for as long as you want. Just be still.

2. Explore your area or an area of your choice, alone.

I do this all the time. I love exploring the places I go to, I find so many gems and have wonderful and enlightening experiences by doing so. Doing things like encourages self-sufficiency and reaffirms that I am enough and don’t require any extra’s.

img_4111Lastly (okay that’s three), eat good. You can buy or make it just as long as you enjoy it. Let it be a moment. There’s something truly humbling about being able to eat what you want. I’m sure most of us can recall being too broke to afford anything but the basics so when you eat, do not forget to be grateful.

This is one of my favourite meals from Leon’s.

Have a fabulous weekend, till next week ciao! xo

To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action, Motivation, relationships

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To find your peace, you must face your beast.

Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared for. As my friend and I will say, you have to unpack your load.

To unpack (by our definition) means to delve into discovering the root cause of your issues and facing it head on. Is it easy? No. Sometimes you discover it’s not what you thought it was about and other times it’s related to previous experiences that you never quite dealt with.

Someone did something recently that I took great offense to. It wasn’t just the low level of regard and respect that they showed, it was how their actions triggered insecurities. I now had to unpack and work through it otherwise it’d definitely affect my day to day but ultimately rob me of my peace of mind. This situation signaled to me that I still had some work to do on myself in that area and that I am not quite ‘there’ yet.

Too often when something threatens to upset our psyche, we go to our vice to quickly appease ourselves. We find a big enough distraction to shift our focus and attempt to diminish what is brewing. We’re too afraid to face what is looming ahead, so quick lets bury ourselves in something. The effects of doing this tend to last much longer than if we were to deal with the problem. For example, this terrible saying of ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one’. What you’re actually doing is adding onto your things to unpack.

Are we able to still move forward in life without dealing with the issue? Absolutely, it’s called denial and suppression. The thing with doing that however is that it can show up in other areas of your life in the most obscure way. It’s not always detectable but it’s always there.

With most things, you have to actively work for it and peace is no different. Whether you meditate on it or take action, it will require you to make the efforts to help yourself.

So do yourself a favour, the next time something threatens your stability, don’t shy away from it, take some time out to figure out what it is telling you about yourself and work on and through it.

It won’t happen over night but it will happen over time.

Peace xo

Mindfulness: Live in the now. 

25 Monday Jul 2016

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We have nurtured this habit of thinking about the next thing on the to do list, the next venue, the next job, the next bill, your partner, your house, the kids, job, your parents, world issues and the list is endless. If its not that, then you might be thinking of the past, the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s. What you would change, what you should have done, and how it could have been better.
With that said how well do you relish the present moment? Probably very little or hardly at all.

We’re often absent minded while doing things and not fully engaged. As a result, we tend to miss the little nuggets of richness, joy, and gratitude that we could be experiencing at that present time.

We think of ‘living life’ as this place out of the country, on a beach, with clear blue seas, white sand, and great weather and we clamour for that moment to have that release, that yes we have (albeit momentarily), arrived.

This ideology is a damning one, because assuming that is what we do, what happens to the reality that we inevitably return back to?

Why not consider making your everyday life a more enriching and pleasurable one by choosing to see the goodness in the things you are experiencing, be it good, bad or indifferent?

In other cases, people talk about when they get ‘there’ it will all be different, but how will it be different? It’ll be exactly the same if your mindset does not change on how you perceive things. If you cannot learn to be happy, grateful and feel rich with the small things, it’s unlikely you’ll feel that way with the big things.

It doesn’t matter what changes externally, if you do not shift your perspective and operate at a new level, that is not dependant on external factors, you will undoubtedly find yourself going around in circles looking for that peace of mind and happiness.

So rather than wait for that ‘time’ or that ‘place’, make a conscious effort to relish the very moment you’re having now. Take a deep breath, look at beautiful things, be attentive to your friends and family as they speak, think about what you’re doing, enjoy each bite of the meal that you were able to buy, be gratuitous to others, yourself and the things you have. Take stock of the great things happening around you, small and big and endeavour to completely connect and engage with it.

Be mindful, be grateful and definitely be present.

Ps I’d love to hear from you guys, you can contact me at info@lipstickandblackcoffee.co.uk , speak soon xo

Keep them hostage or set yourself free? 

13 Wednesday Jul 2016

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I didn’t want to write today, heck I still don’t, but I made a commitment and I’m sticking to it.

As I started my journey into work today, I began to think of the hurts a particular person had caused me. Needless to say, I became very angry, very quickly, to the point of silently seething. I had thoughts that were infinitely negative and leading me down a path of unrighteousness.

I had to stop and change the conversation I was having with myself. Almost like a pep talk to encourage myself to forgive and to let go, forgive and let go, forgive and let go. 

My initial feeling was no, I don’t want to, I want to keep them hostage as in some strange way it, makes me feel justified. As if they’re paying retribution by you refusing to let them of the hook. Of course this is not happening, in reality it’s quite the opposite. It is keeping you hostage and blocking you from receiving other blessings and opportunities that come your way.

Deep down I knew it was no good. No good for them, no good for me and no good for anyone else that I chose to have in my life by harbouring the hurts.
I have/had to forgive. Forgiveness is always easier said than done. What I have realised is that sometimes it’s a process. You can feel in your heart that you have truly forgiven someone one day and the next totally want to strangle them.

That’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions but the end result is to wholly, earnestly, forgive someone for their transgressions and release them. Not just for them, but for yourself, for your future, for your freedom.

Don’t allow your anger or pain to keep you in the dark.

XO

Ps Talk about faux pas, I didn’t upload a post on Monday oh.mm.gee. Ugh I thought it had posted, well that’s annoying lol.

Relationships: You need to cut it

15 Wednesday Jun 2016

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Relationships, friendships, situationships, familyships = Work

When you’re single you think, wouldn’t it be great to be in a relationship? And when you’re in a relationship, being single sounds like a wonderful idea- The grass always seems greener on the other side.

The truth is every type of relationship requires consistency, effort, and most certainly compromise. It’s work, the grass is greener where you nurture it.

People have the impression that relationships (all forms) are supposed to be easy, fun, like they appear in the movies. When it doesn’t fit that idealistic picture, then the answer is to cut them out.

The attitude that there’s plenty more fish in the sea in this society is very much rampant and although that statement might be true, the focus should always be on quality not quantity. Quality and edifying relationships are hard to come by and when you have them, they should be valued and respected accordingly, rather than disposed of.

I often see on social media declarations like, ‘I’ll cut that person off’ or ‘I have no qualms cutting people off’ as if it’s an accomplishment *Slow claps*. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t behave like this when I was younger, I was ruthless albeit justified in some cases by very humble opinion. Over time I learnt the value of nourishing relationships, which includes telling people the hard truth (and also hearing it) and making the effort to make it work.

Was and is it easy? Heck no. Many times I want to be stubborn and hold on to my pride for dear life, because temporarily that will make me feel better. In the long run you will suffer.

You cannot jump from friend to friend, relationship to relationship and the like, just because you don’t like something they did it or said. You will find that whomever you are with and wherever you go, the problem remains. Shirking your issues with others won’t make them disappear.

In order to have the kind of loving, nurturing, healthy relationships that you desire, you must take responsibility and approach it with a level of maturity that sometimes, may not be present in others.

If it means something to you, then treat it that way, if it is no longer worth it to you, have the decency to respectfully leave it peace and not in pieces.

XO

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

I made a decision before I started blogging that I would not deviate much from my objective but in this case, I think it is necessary.

I would be the first person to admit that over the past few months, I have actively chosen to ignore the recent happenings in the world, not because I don’t care but because I care too much. It is heart wrenching to watch the terrible happenings over and over and over again without the immediate ability to affect the situation.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I am strong believer in monitoring what you pay attention to and what you feed your eyes and ears with, as it has the power to shape your life- And with this I showed apathy to these situations.

However, I am at a point where it is no longer acceptable to be voiceless.

It seems that it is only when things of this magnitude happen that we believe in humanity and fight for its preservation. Orchestrating protests and rally’s, making grand statements on our social networks in order to evoke action from our government or others, whilst ignoring our neighbour that has little to eat, being impetuous with our fellow citizens and making a mockery of human life by spewing out hate through our actions or lack thereof…I hope it’s clear where I am going with this.

If it is change you really want to see, start with what is on your doorstep. Now by no means am I saying don’t make a stand for those suffering in other parts of the world, but what I am trying to reiterate is to also make a difference where it will surely count, in your homes, in your communities and in the lives of those you come into contact with.

I sometimes forget that it requires only one person to command change in any environment, just look at Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Bush, Nelson Mandela, and Hitler. They were all forces in the own right, that commanded the attention and action of others and the world at large. Granted, some of these people abused their power but it does not negate the effect that they had on thousands and millions of people. Why can’t it be you for the better?

Let it not be until we hear about that old man at number 46 who died in his home alone without love or care before we feel impassioned for those in close proximity. Every little action counts, you never know how a small conversation with a beggar may inspire them to do better for themselves or the disadvantaged person you assisted in crossing the road, who has now decided against suicide because you showed them kindness.

I remember a few weeks back (and I share this only for the benefit of this topic as personally, I believe such things should be done in silence) a friend and I walked past this pub and there was a lady crying her eyes out just on the corner. I am certain that a number of people had walked past her already. We decided to stop and ask her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell us the dire circumstances of her friend that was in hospital, who happened to be my age. That saddened me. We did what we were led to and bid her farewell and well wishes. Now I may never see this person again but I hope that in that moment, it provided her with some relief to know that she was not completely alone and that someone cared.

Love, kindness, empathy…always

Signed LBC

Ps. Look look look!  Short post. Oh and I know this is lame but evil backwards is live so erm yeah. That has no bearing on anything :s so seeyoubye!