Tag Archives: people

The Danger of Expectations

24 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

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Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times that I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

People change and that’s okay.

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, Motivational & Intentional, Relationships

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Sometimes the people you know, change, and that’s perfectly okay.

I had a situation at work where I “thought” I was building a good working relationship with someone and then I found out she was intentionally trying to undermine my capabilities to another colleague. I. Was. Livid.

It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone who wasn’t in close proximity, people talk, people will always talk, but to find out it was someone I was “pally pally” with, stung. I wanted to take back every ounce of my genuine care, consideration, niceness and effort. Of course I can’t do that now, it’s too late, damn it!

I had a neighbour, an older woman, who was lovely to me and my family for 14 years. She would always and I mean always gift my family with home cooked meals, biscuits, sweets, apples from her garden, you name it she provided it. We had supported each other in many different ways over the years. She and my late grandma were even good friends.
And then, all of sudden, she stopped communicating with us, stopped coming by, was curt and the usual friendliness that we were used to was no longer there.
I made a couple of attempts to see how she was doing and enquire if everything is okay and she would respond with plain answers without looking me in the eye. To say I was perplexed is an understatement.

I had someone who I believed to be a good friend, who purposely excluded me from being privy to major life changes, that Sue, Bob, Jim, Mary, basically *randoms all knew about…erm what?-_-

All of which was strange, abrupt and unsettling.

Things like this can leave you confused, upset, questioning your actions and theirs, yet you’d be no closer to understanding what the hell happened.

It’s surprising and it’s hurtful, but it happens and there is no need to blame yourself. How they behave is entirely on them, you cannot assume responsibility for it, you can only be responsible for yourself and how you conduct yourself.

Why don’t you simply ask them what’s wrong, you say? There’s this thing called denial. You can ask till your purple in the face and get nothing. They’re not comfortable in revealing what’s upset them so they say nothing or it may be that they have issues completely unrelated to you, you just happen to be on the receiving end.

How do you conduct yourself in these situations? As you always have, with a little more caution. The best thing is to redirect that focus onto yourself and the other people you have in your life. Remove yourself from the people and situations that no longer serve you. Give these people the space to just be, don’t get mad, retaliate or harbour ill feelings, instead wish them well.

I have encountered many of these types of situations and I opt for the high road. I don’t act out, I don’t behave like I have horns and if I do, I soon come to my senses and remedy it. I continue to be a good person and not allow their actions to change my character. If you do this, the testament is they usually come back, apologetic, different and willing to be better. I can personally vouch for this.

Life is way too short to deal with BS of any kind from anyone.

XO

*Randoms is British slang for a nobody, an irrelevant being, stragglers. You get my drift…

 

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

24 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Life, More Action, Self-Development

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See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

I made a decision before I started blogging that I would not deviate much from my objective but in this case, I think it is necessary.

I would be the first person to admit that over the past few months, I have actively chosen to ignore the recent happenings in the world, not because I don’t care but because I care too much. It is heart wrenching to watch the terrible happenings over and over and over again without the immediate ability to affect the situation.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I am strong believer in monitoring what you pay attention to and what you feed your eyes and ears with, as it has the power to shape your life- And with this I showed apathy to these situations.

However, I am at a point where it is no longer acceptable to be voiceless.

It seems that it is only when things of this magnitude happen that we believe in humanity and fight for its preservation. Orchestrating protests and rally’s, making grand statements on our social networks in order to evoke action from our government or others, whilst ignoring our neighbour that has little to eat, being impetuous with our fellow citizens and making a mockery of human life by spewing out hate through our actions or lack thereof…I hope it’s clear where I am going with this.

If it is change you really want to see, start with what is on your doorstep. Now by no means am I saying don’t make a stand for those suffering in other parts of the world, but what I am trying to reiterate is to also make a difference where it will surely count, in your homes, in your communities and in the lives of those you come into contact with.

I sometimes forget that it requires only one person to command change in any environment, just look at Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Bush, Nelson Mandela, and Hitler. They were all forces in the own right, that commanded the attention and action of others and the world at large. Granted, some of these people abused their power but it does not negate the effect that they had on thousands and millions of people. Why can’t it be you for the better?

Let it not be until we hear about that old man at number 46 who died in his home alone without love or care before we feel impassioned for those in close proximity. Every little action counts, you never know how a small conversation with a beggar may inspire them to do better for themselves or the disadvantaged person you assisted in crossing the road, who has now decided against suicide because you showed them kindness.

I remember a few weeks back (and I share this only for the benefit of this topic as personally, I believe such things should be done in silence) a friend and I walked past this pub and there was a lady crying her eyes out just on the corner. I am certain that a number of people had walked past her already. We decided to stop and ask her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell us the dire circumstances of her friend that was in hospital, who happened to be my age. That saddened me. We did what we were led to and bid her farewell and well wishes. Now I may never see this person again but I hope that in that moment, it provided her with some relief to know that she was not completely alone and that someone cared.

Love, kindness, empathy…always

Signed LBC

Ps. Look look look!  Short post. Oh and I know this is lame but evil backwards is live so erm yeah. That has no bearing on anything :s so seeyoubye!