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~ To A Life Worth Living xo

lipstickandblackcoffee

Tag Archives: perception

A Blessing or a Curse?

11 Monday Feb 2019

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Manifest

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Blessing, Goal, happiness, joy, Law of Attraction, Lifestyle Writer, Love, Manifest, Mind, Monday Motivation, New week, Pain, perception, Reality, Speak, The Secret, Thoughts, vision, words

facetune_08-02-2019-18-32-36-1It’s been a little quiet over here and I’m starting to think that I’m talking to myself and I don’t know how to feel about that. Having said that, I am choosing to believe that I am talking to millions of you. Yes you heard, millions of you.

Last week was rough for many people myself included. All sorts of weird and painful things were happening, but if you’re reading this it’s not too late to turn things around.

It’s a new week and whatever happened last week is now in the past and no longer happening, so what would you like to do next? You can choose to hold onto it OR let go and keep sowing great things now for your future.

One way to turn things around instantly, which you can do right away, is to shift your perception on your reality.

Can it feel fake at first? Yup, but with persistence it will feel normal and this will alter your reality.

For example, many people see paying bills as a chore and a pain instead of gift that affords them the lifestyle they live. Rather than bemoan it, say thank you every time you pay an expense, because you’re effectively being grateful for the things you get to experience everyday that once upon a time was but a dream. You remember what it felt like to not have the money to pay that bill and you had to ask someone for it, well now you don’t have to. That’s a blessing.

Shifting your focus onto what is good about a situation will always bear better fruit than exacerbating an already negative situation.

Pick one thing you want to feel different about and change the story you’ve made about it. Your mind is something you can control and that’s a super power. Use it wisely, be intentional for your good and that of others.

Speaking of which: you will have a great week, receive wonderful news and enjoy being alive with your loved ones 🙂

Xo

The Danger of Expectations

24 Thursday May 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

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Tags

action, depression, emotional, Expectations, Goals, life, Men, Mind, people, perception, Reality, success, Time, vision, Visualise, Women

Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times that I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

S/He is “Goals”

19 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Motivation

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Tags

Admire, blogger, comparison, Confidence, depression, Encourage, Faith, Friday, Future, Goals, greatness, inspire, Jealous, Motivate, perception, perspective, self-esteem, value, Weekend, writer

I think we all can admit that we have looked at someones else’s life and admired them, possibly been jealous even at one point, but as I have learnt there’s only one life you should be concerned about, yours.

Its great that we can draw inspiration and learn from others, but we have to be careful how closely we focus on them lest we fall deep down the rabbit hole. Sometimes we look at someone’s life and think they’ve got it made until you hear about their woes, suddenly your life doesn’t seem so bad.

Learn to value where you are and have faith in where you’re going. Everyone’s journey is different as are the blessings and obstacles. Don’t look at anyone else and believe they’re “goals”, be your own goals.

Want to know how to do that? Set weekly, monthly, yearly real and practical goals and smash the shit out of them. Honestly, it works. It builds confidence and sharpens your tools. It will turn the focus back to you and on improving the quality of your life. Trust me, there’s so much living to do and if you’re doing it right, you won’t have time to inspect what the other person is doing. Granted, you can learn from them, however never hold their life in higher esteem than yours, ever.

Have a great weekend! And see you next week 🙂

Xo

“New Year, New Me” Stop Lying!

04 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, More Action, Motivation

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achieve, author, Better, career, change, expectation, Failure, Family, Friendship, Goal, growth, January, Money, Motivation, New me, new year, perception, Reality, relationship, Speaker, success, Work, writer

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! However you spent it, I hope it was good for you.

At the start of the year, we’re so strongly convicted of all the things we’re going to do and how this time it’ll be different (queue in the ‘This is my year’ warriors). How Sway? You won’t push yourself, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t change your habits, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t commit to anything, but somehow it’ll be different, you won’t alter your thinking, but somehow it’ll be different. Do you and I a favour and stop being deceitful.

The reality is, changing and improving the quality of your life is A LOT of hard consistent work and the results of it may not materialise until months and years later, so the question is, how bad do you want it and can you go the distance?

The unrealistic expectations that we sometimes hold of ourselves cause us to repeatedly fall short of our goals (myself included). We have it in our minds that it’ll be easy to accomplish and when faced the actuality of it, opt out and resign to a life of mediocrity.

With anything worth having, you will have to put the work in, not only in attaining it but to maintain it also. Whether it’s money, career, relationships, family, if it is to be successful, you will have to constantly work for/at it.

What does the work look like in real life? Time, effort, patience, sacrifice, discipline, self-control, consistency, commitment, developing, sweat, tears, failure, restarting, stress, balance, challenge, criticism, the list is endless. And yes, looking at that list it’s very easy to see why anyone would say ‘It’s not for me bro’, but if you want it, it’s a package deal- You can’t pick and choose the bits you want.

In my experience, when trying to change anything, the idea is to focus your energy on one thing. Full focus and attention on one thing is bound to produce greater results at a rapid rate than giving your divided attention to many things. The latter is also a sure fire way to not only be ineffective but stagnant. You will feel like you’re working but the reality is you’re working on too many of the wrong things at the same time and going nowhere fast.

Now I’m not advocating that you abandon everything else, simply that you devote most of your efforts to accomplishing one thing before diversifying. Become skilled at one thing and that will give you the necessary tools to increase your success rate in other areas of your life. Continue as you are? Well you already know what that looks like.

Xo

Decriminalise My Blackness #DMB

27 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

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Tags

Black, change, Crime, Dr Martin, Justice, perception, Police, Prejudice, Racism, Skin, Terence Crutcher

For a long time I have wanted to speak on this debilitating issue, but I didn’t know what to say or how to say it without spewing out venom, without being hateful, without wanting vengeance; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, blood for blood. However, I knew, I knew all those things will not be the answer. Will it make some pay attention, definitely, but will it bring about lasting change? No.

Every time I hear or see news about the unnecessary violent shootings taking place across the pond, I grieve. I look at the details and can never quite finish reading or viewing before my eyes start to well up and gush out tears. Not on the one or two incidents, every single time, tears.

Woefully, it has become an epidemic: death by being black.

“People die every day for xyz…” please spare me this spiel, there are many causes to take up, this happens to be one of mine and even still, are they dying for something as superficial as the colour of their skin? It is utterly abhorrent .The worst part is that it’s something that could be prevented, something that should be controlled, something that should be punishable and most certainly not happening in any year, least of all 2016.

It’s a sad dire state of affairs, where a man, woman or child may not come home that night, because they were walking while black, driving while black, buying sweets while black, at a pool party while black, selling cigarettes while black, had a broken taillight while black, had a broken down car while black, waiting in the car for your son while black, because you woke up black, because you were born black…

BORN.

BLACK.

Imagine that?! Purely based on the shade of your skin can determine your fate, whether you live or die. Criminalised for carrying out normal activity like the rest of the world does, except everyone does so freely without fear of suspicion or in this case death.

Some of the Americas and its police force is diseased and needs curing. It as if some have been bred to see Black, kill Black, is there a quota? This can be the only reason why Terence Crutcher is killed after his car broke down, whilst psychopath Dylann Roof shoots 9 (Black) people dead and walks out in hand cuffs and a bullet proof vest, a bullet proof fucking vest. Or why Eric Garner selling cigarettes to make ends meet would be squished to death like a bug, yet George Zimmerman is acquitted of murder and walks around freely and is STILL permitted to be in possession of a gun. Or why Philando Castile who does exactly as he is told is shot dead in his car, point blank, with his girlfriend and a child in the back, A CHILD IN THE BACK.  * sigh * The list is endless.

The land of the free, home of the brave, where black people are seemingly deemed less than cattle, to be branded, killed and disposed of, might as well start eating us while you’re at it. It has to stop.

The multiple video evidence has done nothing to convict them of their crimes, the burden of proof is right there. The accountability or the glaring lack thereof, rings clear as day and the message is this, your life is worthless.

We all deserve to be treated equally, fairly. Justice in every case  should be, no, must be served.

I know there are good police officers and people, but where are they when these things are happening? They can’t always not be around when these things are taking place, can they?

You might not have picked up the gun but you’re right there with them if you do not see that there is eroding problem with the (in)justice system that so long as you wear a uniform and have a badge, you can do whatever hell you want and go scot free. You’re there if you do not stand up to combat the prejudices of people that are suffering at the hands of others, solely attributed to the colour of their skin. The institutionalized racism needs to be weeded out from the inside out starting from the higher levels down, all the way through into the judicial system, because if the people who are supposed to justly protect and safeguard our society are failing, what more its constituents?

I have spent so much time thinking about what can be done, how can we change? I still don’t have a clear answer. What if we lived separately, each “race” to their own? maybe it would reduce the conflict between us all, you know ‘out of sight, out of mind’ type of thing, ‘you do your thing, I do mine’. As you can see, that notion is flawed from the outset because the world we live is mixed, not black, not white, mixed, so it would never be favourable for anyone. I used to think it was about controlling power and wealth, that if we could just acquire a higher percentage of these things, we would be more respected, more valued, but we do have wealthy and powerful people, I mean they had President Barack Obama… so that view is also null and void.

The underlying problem here is stereotypes, prejudice, and ultimately racism.

So here’s what I say we do in our own little way: in our communities, in our homes, we teach the young and old to think and see differently- By changing perceptions one person at a time

Don’t you say it’s not enough, it’s a start, it’s where it all begins. Upstairs, where the ideas are formed and the controlling stakes claim. If you can intercept and disturb one person’s idea of who and what we are, it may mean the difference in them picking up a gun, a knife or hurling racial slurs and instead showing compassion, working together and rebuilding.

Perceptions and beliefs come by hearing and seeing, and in order to affect that then we must control what is happening in our communities, in the media, in the office, on public transport, at the doctors, and wherever else we come into contact with others, and be more responsible. Protests are great for increasing awareness but it’s the people who don’t turn up to those protests that need infiltrating, it’s the people who are far removed from society that need engaging, it’s the ones who own guns who need challenging, it’s those that create the “system” that need reeducating, because the system is broken, and all of those people exist next door to us, so start there.

Challenge people’s perspectives. If I rock a teeny weeny afro, no it does not mean I am aggressive and unapproachable, if a guy wears a hoodie, it does not mean he is dangerous or a delinquent, if she has on a burka, she’s not automatically dubious, if he raises his voice, he’s simply expressing himself, let’s break down these flawed concepts. No matter how big or small the act is, it can make a difference. How many times have you or I judged a book by its cover and been wrong? I can tell you for me, way too many times to count.

Change is not overnight, change is overtime.

And if yet and still there is little change, there’s an old African saying that goes like this, “every day for the thief, one day for the owner”. A time will come where it will be time to pay the piper.

Normalise being black, not criminalise.

#DMB

P.s Dr Martin and all the other dead Civil Rights Activists did not die in vain for this sh*t

Perception is Everything!

02 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by Irene Ephraim in More Action, Self-Development

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Frequency, glass half full, paradigm, perception

Perception is everything!

You often hear people say ‘Image is everything’ and to a large extent it is, but before image, is perception. Perception is what you base the image on, your previously formed idea.

Glass half full or glass half empty?

Lost possession or a chance to start afresh?

Job- Modern day slavery or the opportunity to improve the quality of life?

Sick- Wallow in self-pity or the realisation that you need to take better care of yourself?

How we view things is the mastermind behind how we do things.

For example, if we think women that are scantily clad, are highly sought after, then those that like the idea will indoctrinate it and those that disagree will not. If you think that sex is the best marketing tool and you have a product to market, what will you do? E.g Every perfume ad there is, ha! There’s usually something sex related going on, as their desire is to focus on our senses, femininity and sexuality.

Con artist come in different forms but if one in a suit walked into a bank and requested a large loan, s/he may be treated considerably different to someone wearing a tracksuit. Why? Because of the previously formed ideas about what this persons image represents to them and where it fits in in this society.

We like to size up everything, we need to be able to identify what something means to us in our world. Everything needs to quantifiable otherwise it doesn’t exist nor does it make much sense, which is why everything has a name-Logic and sensibility is our ruler. You identify me first by my name, and then everything else follows; my speech, my sense of style, my home life, my work life and so on. You begin to formulate a theory as to who I might be and how I relate to you, after this, you decide how you are going to respond to me.

So if we treat people in this manner, and act in line to how we have judged them, reflect then on how you view your life. Can we agree that how we choose to see life affects how we function?

If you had 20/20 vision and today you decided, do you know what? I fancy wearing bifocals for the next two weeks. There are a number of things that will happen, the two namely are, an impaired vision and a deficiency in ability. It wouldn’t be beneficial to you as it is for those that need bifocals everyday. For those that need it, it enhances their ability to see and therefore improves the quality of their day-to-day living, for you it is an impediment and severely reduces your ability to be effective in your everyday life.

With that said, if you are a chronic complainer or Debbie downer, what do you expect to create in your world? If all you ever point out or notice is all the negative things, what will continue to happen?

A few years ago, I went through a period of thinking that I was cursed, I had to be! The stories I could tell you, you wouldn’t want to make these up. My fortune was just abysmal or so it seemed. I have since realised that what I choose to focus on would be my fortune. You can only act in accordance to how you think, your thoughts set the motion for everything else that is to follow.

Whatever you think it is, it is, whatever you think you are, you are. If you want to change your actions then you must begin by altering your thoughts.

Tip: If you want to shift your thinking paradigm start by consciously being grateful for everything you have. What that does is train your mind to seek out the good. Just like you would condition the body to get fit, the same goes for the mind. Be good to your mind and it will be good for you.

Question for you: If your perception was a frequency what would it be picking up?

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of Language

09 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

agenda, communication, influence, language, perception, power

The Power of Language

I was having a discussion with a friend last night and it reminded me of what I had written below a couple months back. He asked me a question and I responded ‘Ok’ and for one reason or another he felt there was more and that I really wasn’t ok (which I was). It’s a bit of a random post but it reminds me how important language is in communicating.

The ambiguous ‘Ok’, a response that is both satisfactory, and wistful, inconclusive even. It leaves you wanting more, although its use is acceptable and does not necessitate that more should be said. It creates a feeling of anti-climax, yet there is nowhere else to go. This funny word ‘Ok’, and its variations. In written form, each one becomes less comforting and less personal than the last, ‘Okay, Ok, ok, k’.

“A: I have to leave now…B: Okay.”

“A: New ideas are needed for this project…B:Ok.”

“A: My mother is away at the moment but she needs someone to help out….B:ok”

“A: Everything will be fine… B: k ”

Shrouded in secrecy of the unspoken, it induces a yearning for further supplication, but to ask would seem greedy, needy, and ungrateful. Exclusivity is not singular, the receiver and speaker are both indebted to this feeling, occasionally at the same time.

‘Ok’ is not always meant in agreement but more so an indication of understanding, or a closing of matter or in many cases, gives rise to a question kept securely in the mind.

‘Ok’, akin to smoke after blowing out a candle, you know that’s the end of it, however the remnants of what used to be still linger, the smoke, swirling in the air, the smell momentarily sharp but like most things it disappears as does the feeling and all is soon forgotten.

Unanswered questions, thoughts cut short, ‘Ok’ the inception of inquisition and completion.

Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?! is a podcast speaking on the things you should know, but don't. The things you typically find out after the fact, and it's sometimes too late. Fear not, Why Didn't You Warn Me?! with Irene aka Lipstick, will give you the 411 through story-telling, conversations, and refreshing perspectives.

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