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~ Be Live It

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Tag Archives: Progress

Take A Picture

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Manifest, More Action, Motivation, Self-Development

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Acne, Document, growth, joy, Manifest, Motivation, Picture, Pimples, Problem skin, Progress, Roaccutane, Spots, Stress

84e2fe7f-4a56-4acc-a517-f19b12b53042It’s hard to see growth when there’s no tangible evidence. You can easily begin to think badly of yourself and how much you haven’t done and of all the things you have not accomplished.

There’s a great way to address that, document it.
I’m about to tell you a story, that might sound random, but follow it for a moment.

At the beginning of 2018 my acne flared up terribly. I had just finished 3 chemical peels back to back, in a bid to clear up acne scarring, believing that as I approached my 30s everything would settle down. Not my skin and not my face. Rather than reveal new skin, my acne returned with a vengeance. My skin was not happy with the peels or me and it showed. I felt defeated again. Who wants to be dealing with acne at any age never mind at 30!

Up until that point, there existed NO pictures of my bare face. Not one. Not one since I was 17. Not on my personal phone, not even in a place where’d it be hidden, where only I would be privy to it. Not even after 2 rounds of roaccutane (which significantly improved my skin temporarily), numerous facials, topical treatments and so on. Never. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want proof of it anywhere, thinking that if I didn’t have to see it, it’ll piss off and never return somehow.  It can’t exist if I do not acknowledge it right? Well it didn’t piss off and it did exist.

For years I hated pictures and was always running from a camera and deleting pictures from other people phones. Even today, I’m still not all that enthusiastic about it, however I am MUCH better than I used to be.

Anyway, I’m not sure what possessed me this time around, but I decided I would take pictures of my bare skin in June 2018. It was bad, really bad.

No one ever believes how problematic and scarred my skin was, because I was an expert at disguising most of it. Those with acne prone skin usually are. Now I’d have proof to show people when they’d say ‘you’re skin isn’t bad’, erm yes it was, let’s call a spade a spade.
Truthfully though, I had no intentions of showing anyone and still don’t. I did however, want to see the changes that might happen.

I took action to repair my skin for the umpteenth time and gradually it improved, but I wanted more. I wanted my blemish free taunt skin that I had pre-acne, that was until I looked at the picture I took a year ago. I was astounded by the difference.

I immediately felt immense gratitude for how far I’d come and the progress I had made. I couldn’t actually believe this was what it used to look like. I looked in the mirror again and appreciated how much had changed.

Being able to look back and see the difference between then and now instantly shifted my perspective on how I saw things and increased my confidence. I give myself a little bit more love and a pat on the back for not giving up.

You should consider doing the same. Write down your feelings or take pictures of what you’re doing/working on now, and if you feel compelled to regarding that particular thing, continue to do so. Over time, you will notice the leaps and bounds that you will have made, if only you will not give up and keep going.

xo

P.s Perhaps I’ll share pictures another time, when I am ready and or feeling much much braver lol.

I Could, I Should, I Might?

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Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

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Aha Moment, Apartment, belief, Better, Black Coffee, choice, Confusion, decision, Direction, energy, fear, growth, House, inspire, life, Lipstick, London, Mistakes, Oprah, Progress, progression, Relationships, Rent, Stress

cc5a9b14-ac0b-48cd-87a3-7f751557ba9eI have been doing it so wrong for the past year and I knew better.

Isn’t that the worst? When you know better yet you’re not doing better and for whatever reason you can’t figure it out.

I have had a bunch of things that I wanted to achieve and acquire over the past couple of years which technically isn’t a problem. The distinction here is that I had no clarity on any of it. I would umm and ahh over everything, and I do mean everything.

I couldn’t decide if I was coming or going. Do I want to live in London or Manchester? Do I want to travel to a different country and work there or stay here? Do I want to buy a house or rent one? Do I want live in an apartment or a semi detached house? Do I want this type of job or to not work in this field at all? Do I want to be in a relationship or not? And this conversation continued in almost every area of my life. It stayed that way up until recently when I had a durh or as Oprah would say an ‘aha’ moment.

No wonder I had been stressed out and felt utterly unaccomplished, I had no idea what I truly wanted. I flip flopped out of fear of making a decision that would cost me. I didn’t want to unduly suffer again for a terrible choice I made, but guess what that meant? I didn’t do anything.

I had no clear sense of direction and therefore could not confidently take action towards anything, and that ultimately resulted in little to no result.

The lesson here is if you’re in a period of confusion and not knowing what way to go, just pick one. We spend a lot of time trying to avoid past mistakes but sometimes that leads to inaction and frustration, not to mention wasted energy.

The point of living is to live and that cannot happen if you’re second guessing everything. The only thing happening by doing that is building fear muscles and we certainly don’t want that.

Get clear on what you want and stick to it. It’s almost impossible to move forward without having an idea of what it is you want, how do you expect the universe to help you out when you keep giving her mixed signals?

Take a chance today and make a choice. Even if it doesn’t work out how you imagined, you still would have learned something you didn’t know before and that believe it or not is progression.

Xo

In All Honesty…

02 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Less Talk, Lessons Learnt, More Action

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author, Commitment, Consistency, Feel, Friday, Honest, life, London, Practice, Progress, Relationships, Repetition, Skill, Snow, Speaker, success, Trials, UK, Work, writer

I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up.

I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having to be visible disrupts that. Schedules to me are a constriction and only further incite the rebel in me. But, as my mother would say, man cannot live by bread alone and in this instance I cannot be without discipline and consistency as those are the springboards to success.

My relationship with posting is shoddy to say the least. I go through many peaks and troughs with it that I can only imagine for you is meh. *Whispers* If truth be told it’s an absolute miracle that I have been “blogging” for nearly 4 years!

So here is what I am going to ask of you, hold me accountable. No man is an island and no matter who it is, everyone needs someone to encourage or in my case push them to act. On my part I will do my best to continue cultivating discipline and be more consistent.

If there is something in your life that you know needs to improve, put the energy into doing just that. You will have good days where the progress is evident and palpable, but know that there will also be ‘bad days’ where you will want to throw the towel, bucket and sponge in, don’t. I more than anyone understands how an obstacle can come along and give you a swift kick in the shin, but continue to practice. Practice being better than you were yesterday, practice encouraging yourself, practice being disciplined in the small things so you can handle with more ease the big things, practice doing things out of your comfort zone so you can do more things out of your comfort zone, whatever it is, practice and don’t give up!

Xo

P.s How are we in March already?!

 

3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis

18 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, Thoughts in motion

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Better, challenge, growth, life, lifestyle, Motivation, Paralysis, Perfectionism, Procrastinate, Progress

I planned to write on something completely different, but after a brief conversation with an old friend in which she sent me an article, I thought maybe this article would be useful to others like me.

The 3 P’s: Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis.

If you’re affected by one P, you’ll be affected by two and likely the third P too. Works like a pendulum going back and forth. If you do suffer from any of the above, then you understand how truly crippling this can be for your any area of your life.

Reading the article that I am about to share was like having a mirror to look into and you can only improve upon what you know. I hope it’s insightful.

“Do you set your standards high, but always feel like you’ve failed? Learn about the 3 “P’s” and end the vicious cycle that keeps you stuck and ineffective.

THE VICIOUS CYCLE

Perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis – one often leads to the next, in a vicious cycle, especially on large, long-term projects with no clear deadlines. Let’s look at each part of this cycle, and explore some concrete steps that you can take to disrupt the cycle.

PERFECTIONISM

Although most of my coaching clients don’t contact me until they are suffering from the second or third “P,” I will start with the first, one: perfectionism. This trait can be defined as striving towards impossibly high goals. The perfectionist is caught in a trap – he or she can never be good enough. Usually a perfectionist engages in a rigid, black or white kind of thinking about his own performance – if it isn’t perfect, it’s horrible.

I see perfectionism as existing on one end of a continuum. Up to a certain point, aiming high can help you become successful. Most academics who have made it to graduate school have set high standards for themselves and have met those high standards. There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself to attain excellence. It only becomes a problem when the goal is always set beyond your reach.

The Mediocre Perfectionist?

Ironically, the perfectionist often achieves a product that is far less than perfect. In contrast, those who aim at more realistic goals can outperform the perfectionist. How could that be? The procrastination and paralysis that result from overly high standards causes the perfectionist to wait until it’s too late, then rush to do something; anything. The more relaxed realist, in the meantime, is able to put an effort in earlier, over a more prolonged period of time, with more chance to let time and subsequent editing improve the final product…”

You can read the rest here

Xo

 

A Single Mind

15 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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achieve, Cars, Clear, Definite, Determined, Future, Goals, greatness, Master, Mercedes Benz, Mind, Monday, Motivation, New week, Progress, Single

You cannot have two masters, one will rule over the other. Ever tried to go left and right at the same time? It’s impossible.

It works the same if you are double minded. When working towards a goal, you cannot willingly accept alternative outcomes because the likelihood is you’ll end up with the least desired one.

Let’s say you want a brand new 2018 Mercedes Benz. You have this car in mind but then repeatedly say ‘Well if not a Mercedes, a Ford, Peugeot or Mini Cooper will do’. Can you see the confusion? You want a Mercedes but you’ve already considered various other options. By doing this you have done two things 1. You have already introduced failure and doubt into the equation by that line of thinking 2. It also means you won’t give all your efforts to getting the Mercedes because you have options and are comfortable with settling.

You must be clear and concise with what it is that you desire. Not being clear causes you to be stagnant, creates confusion, mediocrity and eventually frustration.

Focused and determined people are seldom unsuccessful.

If you are unsure of what it is you want or the goal, that’s completely fine. Simply set some time aside to write what’s in your head down on paper and begin to sift through what’s there until you’re more confident in what it is that you desire.

Being clear minded is not to be confused with not being open. To be open means to be flexible in how the thing comes to you not in what the thing is itself. Being clear minded is to know what you want. They work together.

Every accomplished person, knew what they wanted first. Get clear, your present and future depends on it.

Xo

This is 30!

21 Thursday Dec 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life

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Birthday, Celebration, Christmas, December, Dinner, Family, Friendship, growth, Lessons, new year, Party, Progress, Thirty

I wish I could give you a play by play of everything that has been happening over the past few weeks but we’d be here forever. A few words to describe it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, testing and exciting.

At times it felt like a line from Mary Mary’s Shackles ‘everything that could go wrong, all went wrong at one time’. I couldn’t catch a break. For every disappointment, I steamrolled my way forward, refusing to stop, just dusting myself off and keeping it pushing. Of course there is only so long you can continue on that path until it all falls down, and that came the day before my birthday, a few hours before my dinner party. My emotions boiled over and momentarily a dam broke. Fortunately, I didn’t have the capacity to wallow in it because I had a dinner to be at, and not just any dinner at that, MY 30th birthday dinner.

The dinner was amazing! I am so fortunate to have had great people to help organise, plan and oversee the proceedings of the day as I could not have done it without them. It’s a huge blessing to also have friends and family that would show up and I’m incredibly grateful.

IMG_3041IMG_3072

IMG_3075

What do I think so far about being 30? It’s been 3.5 days and its too soon to have a fully formed answer to this, but so far, it feels like a coming into something new. I have renewed energy to appreciate the things that I have and to make even better what I have been given. Ironically,  I also feel like the baby of the next decade (lol) which is great and I don’t feel so “old”.

I’m excited about what’s next and looking forward to the year ahead. I want to be able to say this time next year “What a difference a year makes” in the most wonderful way.

What do you want to say this time next year?

Xo

 

 

 

The Ugliness of it All

21 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Motivation, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

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Beauty, challenge, Failure, Giggs, Great, Loss, Progress, Serena Williams, success, Ugly

Like Giggs infamous lyrics say ‘It will get bloody, it will get gory’, such is the premise of progression, success and greatness.

I had a ‘moment’ yesterday where I felt like the aspirations and plans I had for my life weren’t happening nor had they come to pass.

I silenced everything and connected with that feeling. I allowed whatever emotion that came to me to flow, which in this case was tears. And I’m not a crier or I should say I don’t like crying.

After talking and meditating, clarity came; things will get ugly before it becomes beautiful.

You ever look at something or someone and think this came together like magic? Well it wasn’t magic, unless magic is effort, hard work, smart work, patience, dedication, consistency, passion, failure, tears, sweat, perseverance, losing, ungratefulness, unappreciation, stress, doubt, producing rubbish, then I suppose it is, but nothing great ever just happens.

A house didn’t always look like a house

A car didn’t always look like a car

Serena Williams wasn’t always THE Serena Williams

Everything had a small beginning, a messy middle and a refined end…and then repeat.

The difference between those that succeed and those that don’t, is tenacity. Successful people do not give up, they grow through it .

So, the question is, do you want to be successful or nah? If so, then expect that sometimes there’ll be confusion, wins, self-doubt, high points, losses, success and so on, it’s part and parcel.

SW2

Don’t let the ugliness of it all deter you from believing and working towards better.

Xo

P.s I haven’t forgotten about the challenge, I did one of mine, did you?

 

People change and that’s okay.

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, More Action, Motivational & Intentional, Relationships

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blogger, change, energy, focus, friendships, happiness, life, Love, people, Progress, Relationships, writer

Sometimes the people you know, change, and that’s perfectly okay.

I had a situation at work where I “thought” I was building a good working relationship with someone and then I found out she was intentionally trying to undermine my capabilities to another colleague. I. Was. Livid.

It wouldn’t have mattered if it was someone who wasn’t in close proximity, people talk, people will always talk, but to find out it was someone I was “pally pally” with, stung. I wanted to take back every ounce of my genuine care, consideration, niceness and effort. Of course I can’t do that now, it’s too late, damn it!

I had a neighbour, an older woman, who was lovely to me and my family for 14 years. She would always and I mean always gift my family with home cooked meals, biscuits, sweets, apples from her garden, you name it she provided it. We had supported each other in many different ways over the years. She and my late grandma were even good friends.
And then, all of sudden, she stopped communicating with us, stopped coming by, was curt and the usual friendliness that we were used to was no longer there.
I made a couple of attempts to see how she was doing and enquire if everything is okay and she would respond with plain answers without looking me in the eye. To say I was perplexed is an understatement.

I had someone who I believed to be a good friend, who purposely excluded me from being privy to major life changes, that Sue, Bob, Jim, Mary, basically *randoms all knew about…erm what?-_-

All of which was strange, abrupt and unsettling.

Things like this can leave you confused, upset, questioning your actions and theirs, yet you’d be no closer to understanding what the hell happened.

It’s surprising and it’s hurtful, but it happens and there is no need to blame yourself. How they behave is entirely on them, you cannot assume responsibility for it, you can only be responsible for yourself and how you conduct yourself.

Why don’t you simply ask them what’s wrong, you say? There’s this thing called denial. You can ask till your purple in the face and get nothing. They’re not comfortable in revealing what’s upset them so they say nothing or it may be that they have issues completely unrelated to you, you just happen to be on the receiving end.

How do you conduct yourself in these situations? As you always have, with a little more caution. The best thing is to redirect that focus onto yourself and the other people you have in your life. Remove yourself from the people and situations that no longer serve you. Give these people the space to just be, don’t get mad, retaliate or harbour ill feelings, instead wish them well.

I have encountered many of these types of situations and I opt for the high road. I don’t act out, I don’t behave like I have horns and if I do, I soon come to my senses and remedy it. I continue to be a good person and not allow their actions to change my character. If you do this, the testament is they usually come back, apologetic, different and willing to be better. I can personally vouch for this.

Life is way too short to deal with BS of any kind from anyone.

XO

*Randoms is British slang for a nobody, an irrelevant being, stragglers. You get my drift…

 

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