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lipstickandblackcoffee

~ To A Life Worth Living xo

lipstickandblackcoffee

Tag Archives: Relationships

Happy New Year!

31 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Manifest

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Blessings, Gratitude, growth, happiness, joy, Love, new year, Relationships

img_7833I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and also this:

May this new year be better than the last in every way 

May this new year be filled with a thousand reasons to celebrate 

May this new year make all your previous efforts worth it

May this new year cause you to create new goals for yourself as the old ones have now manifested 

May this new year grant you good heath and wealth 

May this new year be full of wonderful memories that you have created with your loved ones

May love abound you wherever you go

May your relationships flourish and add more meaning to your life

May your purpose be revealed and impact not only your life but the lives of others

May this new year be all that you want it to be and more.

That is my profession for you all this year.

Thank you for your continuous support and readership. Here’s to a fantastic new year ahead 🥂! 

Much love Irene Xo

First Impressions

27 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, Thoughts in motion

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2019, belief, change, fear, First Impression, Guide, Introduction, Love, new year, Patience, power, Relationships, Tongue, words

img_7832Since being away I have been plagued with the tales that I have heard about this country as a child. Sometimes I’m uneasy because of it. I have lived here and loved it but that part, that part never went away.

I can’t seem to shake of those stories that I heard and watched on TV. It hasn’t mattered much that I have never seen proof to support those claims, yet it still invades my mind as if I have lived it. It has affected my experience here and this is simply down to how they introduced the culture to me at age 5 on my first visit.

However, I am challenging those perspectives, as I realise how stupid those beliefs are.

Imagine that?! The things I was shown and told has shaped my thoughts for 26 years! If that’s not a reason to be mindful of first impressions I don’t know what is.

And yes whilst it’s possible to change someone view, but it’s seldom easy to do so. 

The New Year is 5 days away and I’m sure some of us have a few changes we’d like to make. As you make them, please consider how you speak of a thing or person as it has the potential to have a lasting impression that may never shift. Be thoughtful about the words you speak and consider the impact it could have.

Your words are powerful, use them wisely and make the first impression count.

Xo

Trials

21 Friday Dec 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

death, December, forward, Honest, life, Lost, Love, peace, Relationships, Sadness, Truth, vision

img_5527Whew it’s been a minute.

It’s not that I haven’t thought about you, I have. I think about you often and want to write. I pick up my phone, open notes and nothing. Stringing a sentence together has felt like pulling teeth and if I am honest I simply haven’t felt like it.

I know you’re supposed to push past those feelings, as that’s how you develop discipline, but in the midst of that, I have been figuring out what life is, especially after the passing of Franklin. And for a period everything seemed pointless and at times it still does.

I’m working that out though, making it make sense to me because I need it to. I do however acknowledge that the reality is I may not receive the total peace I need from this, unless I just let it go…and I’m not ready yet.

Anyway, I celebrated my birthday on Monday and it was different. I was different. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but the word calm or should I say unbothered springs to mind and I’m not sure if I like it yet (lol). I was eerily still inside.

Maybe it’s because I’m currently in a different country?

Maybe it’s everything that’s happened over the past few months?

Maybe it’s the quiet confidence they say you’ll get once you’re in your 30s?

Even with all of that I am grateful to have witnessed another year of life.

I’m saying all of this as I believe it’s important to be truthful about your experiences, not only to yourself but to others, as only then will you be able to move through them with more ease. And you never know who will find solace in your truth.

So consider this post a breaking of the seal as till the end of the year I’m going to be here, she says.

Thank you all for your continuous support and you’ll read me tomorrow xo

Why I’m No Longer Sharing

13 Saturday Oct 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

belief, Example, friendships, Heart, lifestyle, Love, Men, Mindset, Model, Relationships, self, Women, writer

img_0985From this day forward I am no sharing with friends.

Whenever I find out something new, useful or potentially life changing, I am quick to share it with the people close to me. I want them to do good too, I want them to know what’s possible, I want them to believe in themselves more. I share so they can know what’s happening in the hopes that they’ll concede but alas they do not.

Of course, I don’t know everything, however, I do know a thing or two about certain subject matters and with that I always want to give.

But after a few failed attempts at ‘helping’, I have decided to stop. I am no longer sharing and instead have opted to just show them.

As the saying goes the proof is the pudding and sometimes there is nothing more effective than others being able to see the results for themselves.

So if you, like me, have found yourself in the position where your words are falling by the wayside, stop talking, just do it and do it well.

Xo

A Little Me Time

03 Wednesday Oct 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Life, Motivational & Intentional, Thoughts in motion

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Experiences, friendships, Journey, Let Go, lifestyle, Path, plan, Reality, Relationships, trust

Recently I have felt like my interactions with those close to me have become a bit stale, and it seemed to have happened ever so rapidly.

We’re just not gelling like we used to, and with life evolving so quickly, our paths are diverging in a way that’s challenging and causing me to really reassess my relationships.

And so I made a decision to limit my engagement and take some time out to figure out what’s going on and in the meantime redirect my focus on other things.

It’s important to evaluate what’s going in your life from time to time, especially if it doesn’t feel right- The whole elevation requires separation bit.

Now I’m not sure if my game plan is to elevate, although as I think about it, I suppose it is. To mentally elevate.

Maybe you’re in similar place to me, having to figure things out and that’s okay. For your own self development, it is sometimes necessary.

There are a few things I’m doing more of in this period:

  • Gratitude
  • Positive affirmations
  • Reading a minimum of a chapter a day (currently, Crushing it by Gary V)
  • Investing in my goals
  • Meditating
  • Journaling

I don’t know how long I’ll be disengaged for, it could be a week, two weeks or a month, I’ll know once I feel different.

I’ll still be here though, on the blog that is.

Xo

Life On Your Terms

20 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Love, Thoughts in motion

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Tags

belief, happiness, joy, life, living, London, Love, Marriage, Men, Motivation, Relationships, Self-care, value, Women

img_4076

I just feel like you NEED to see my face lol. Vain much? Maybe…

Good morning!

I really hope you’re doing well.

I wanted to drop a quick note and ask a question: are you living life on your own terms? To elaborate a little more, is the life you’re living yours by design or other peoples design? And really think about that answer.

Over the past few months, I have been steadily unlearning a lot of ideals and thoughts that have been ingrained in me through the various paradigms I operate in, to sift out one that is actually authentically me, and doing so has made me happier and freer. I am now consciously making my own mind up about things and the (self)inflicted pressure has significantly reduced.

I realised that when I strip away everything, I already have everything that is truly important to me like a roof over my head, my family is alive and very well, a means to earn money to sustain my life, a life that I am falling more in love with, and the list goes on…all because I decided to detach myself from what is supposed to be.

You can experience this new level of freedom which will empower you to actually do more of what you love by simply asking yourself, is this really me? And if you discover that it isn’t, work through that to find what is.

Everyone’s mission in life is different and to think we should all be doing and have the same things by a set time is utterly absurd.

I’ll give you an example and I use this one because there is a huge obsession with it in this society, love.

For as long as I can remember women have been conditioned to be reliant on a man for love and value, which is damaging on so many levels.

I am constantly asked by people I know and don’t know about having a partner, which for a long period made me feel a certain way. Almost as if my life could not be fulfilling if I didn’t have one and that this was the pinnacle for a woman. They often inferred and sometimes said ‘that there must be something wrong with me’. At a point I believed them and took a long hard look at myself and altered my behaviour so I could fit. Ha. It didn’t work.

The plan for me was never to fit in, but because of the words I kept hearing (which builds faith, faith comes by hearing), I believed them over myself and what I felt. Big mistake and it cost me.

Through detaching myself from this conditioning, I have been able to replace it with one that gives to myself over and over and over again. By me for me.

Now I’m not saying burn everything and move to a remote area and don’t want or need anyone, not at all, we need connections, they help us thrive, my suggestion is simply that when you make decisions about your life, make sure it is by you for you.

Xo

“I Woke Up Like This”

20 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, More Action, Relationships

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Hardship, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Trials, Women

709d80aa-886d-48f8-945a-e13d48d6479fLast week I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. It was beautiful, a true blessing.

In the midst of celebrations I had reflective moments as I usually do in these situations. I thought about how wonderful all the different relationships (friends, relatives, couples) were, however, I was quickly reminded that things were not always so and getting here was in short, a real conscious effort…But here we all were celebrating, reaping the work of our hands in more ways than one.

Isn’t it how we look at all good things? That they just are, that there wasn’t a process, growing pains, or a lot of challenging work involved to make it what it is.

We often forget or choose to ignore the behind the scenes and just glorify the highlights. Those highlights are nothing without the graft. It could not would not exist without an individual/s choosing to show up and participate in ALL the parts required to achieve a goal.

img_2649

If you want something you cannot pick and choose the bits you want to deal with and avoid the ones you don’t. You’re either all in or out, straddling the fence isn’t permitted.

Usain Bolt pre-retirement would train all year round for possibly a 10 second race a few times a year. Let that sink in. A 10 second race.

Beautiful, wonderful things are sometimes cultivated.

So the next time you see something great, think about what it might have taken to get there and let that reinforce what you do. Don’t ever get twisted thinking that anyone has it easy, everyone pays a price, the question is whether you want to?

3676f9b4-2e41-4422-9525-bfe446b8dd6b

Xo

Call It Quits?

10 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation

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Tags

blogger, discovery, dreams, Goals, Journey, lifestyle, Men, Money, Motivation, perseverance, perspective, Quit, Relationships, Speaker, success, Women, Work, writer

img_0874You set a goal and start to execute your plans to see it materialise. You’re excited and more determined than ever, nothing will stop you, you can do it.

Months and years have passed and you can’t see the finish line, your energy starts to wane. You wonder if there is any point because nothing seems to be changing. You want to stop but you haven’t…yet.

Will it ever happen? Should I give up? Did I make a mistake going down this path? Can I fix it? Should I fix it? What did I do wrong?
It’s not going happen, I should give up, I never should have embarked on this journey, there’s nothing more I can do, I should have done this instead…

The constant noise, the incessant chatter of shoulda woulda couldas engulfs you. You can’t think straight.

Too overwhelmed to do much, yet too far gone to give it all up.

I know the feeling, it’s tempting to call it quits especially on days where it doesn’t make sense.
Truth is, when you made the decision to pursue your desires, there were no guarantees that it would happen, you only believed in it enough to do something about it, kudos to you.

In times like these, you must reconnect to your why. Stop the static by getting out of your normal environment and purge yourself of your thoughts.

Sounds simple, almost too simple yet it works.

I was having a nightmare of a time yesterday with a decision I had made months ago and I was so close to going back on my word. I had re-enacted what I felt like doing in that moment a trillion times but deep down I knew I’d regret it.

I wanted to stay on course but was struggling to. I called on my friends to keep me motivated; they helped, however it didn’t immediately ease my feelings. My thoughts were doing over time.

I decided to go to a small park around where I work. I opened notes on my phone, wrote two lines about how I was feeling and that was it. My sound mind was restored.

img_0813

Seeing the words was a visual reminder of why I was doing it and that the possibility of something better was worth the effort and indeed valuable to me.

Try it out. If you feel uncertain about your direction, get into nature. Spend time there, meditate, write or even talk to someone. It’s the best free therapy there is. And when you’re done, pat yourself on the back for everything you have accomplished so far, appreciate the moment you’re in now, stay connected to your why and never give up.

If it doesn’t happen on the first try, keep doing it, clarity will come.

“Anything worth having, is worth waiting (working) for”…apparently (lol)

xo

My First Time

14 Monday May 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, Love

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Effects, Emotions, Feelings, Hurt, Husband, Journey, Love, Meditate, Men, Pain, Pray, Relationships, self love, Strength, Unrequited Love, Wife, Women

I was in love once. You never forget your first time.

I remember feeling so raw, so fresh, so fragile. What the hell is this feeling? And why can’t I get rid of it?! For someone who likes to be in control, I was way out of my depth.

…And with first loves comes first heartbreak and mine was one of the worst experiences to date, I’d never wish it upon my enemy. My mind convinced me that I will not get over it and be the same. Part of that is true, I was never the same but I certainly did get over it.

Although the pain of it is long forgotten, the effects still remain and I am continuously working on undoing it all. I have not been “in love” since, as I inadvertently made it conditional. The ones after him didn’t stand a chance, the bar was set stupidly high.

Now that isn’t to say I consistently made good decisions, I definitely did not. I did become fiercely protective over how close you could get and mastered the skill of not showing much emotion. To me, showing emotion was a sign of weakness and being vulnerable a terrible thing, but as we can see here my beliefs on that is changing slowly but surely.

Between figuring out who I was, childhood trauma, growing through adolescence, university, volatile relationships and friendships, I was a complete and utter mess. No word of a lie, you could see the struggle, pain and hardness on my face. It was a lot, but there is better. Those who knew me then to now will tell you that I’m a far cry from the young woman they first met.

Years later I can laugh at how dramatic, naive and emotional I was, I’m grateful for that valuable lesson. It’s a contributing factor to who I am today, both good and bad.

My advice for healing? I can’t put it down to one thing, it’s a combination of things. I’ll list a few practices that helped me and still do (and I use this for all things):

  1. Don’t rush the process by acting as if it didn’t happen or that you don’t feel anything. You’ll do yourself a disservice by being in denial and it will only manifest in other areas of your life in a greater way including disease. It’s that deep. Give it the space to breathe and go through the motions, it’s the only way to come out on the other side. It’s perfectly okay to admit that you’re hurt.
  2. Do be proactive in your healing. Get around your loved ones, do the things you enjoy doing, find a worthy project to direct your energy towards, write down your feelings, or get help if you need to. The aforementioned will help immensely but it won’t exclude you from forgetting or feeling the pain, it’ll be very present. You could be in the midst of doing the most exciting thing and boom, your mind thinks of them and it throws you off, keep going. With each passing day, it’ll get better.
  3. Practice self-love. Unfortunately this isn’t something we’re often taught, but the best way I can describe it is to love yourself how you would want the love of your life to love you. For example, you would want them to speak to you kindly, to encourage you, to support your dreams and help make them a reality, to treat you to nice things, to have once in lifetime experiences, to show compassion, to see you as your best self…all of that and more, do for yourself.
  4. Invest in yourself.
  5. Whether you’re a person of faith or not, pray, meditate or journal.

We should do these things irrespective of a significant other but for some reason we find it difficult to be committed to another and ourselves simultaneously. If we learn how to do this we can never lose our way, at least not for long.

Some days won’t be great and other days you’ll feel the progress, during both keep pushing forward.

This journey is full of highs and lows, respect them and they will make you a better person.

Xo

How Does It Feel?

20 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by Irene Ephraim in Lessons Learnt, Life, Thoughts in motion

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Affect, Drug, Effect, Feelings, Friday, Heart, Lesson, life, Love, Maya Angelou, Men, Pain, power, Relationships, Responsiblity, Sex, Women

How Does It Feel?

The words of a different Angelou, Dr Maya ‘People will never forget the way you made them feel’ have never rang more true for me than now.

I understood what she meant then, but having connected those words with a recent experience I have a deeper appreciation for it.

I found myself in a little bit of a predicament where I was really struggling to let something go. I sat there and thought about it, ‘What really is the issue here? why can’t you just let go and move on?’ and then it dawned on me, it was the way they made me feel.

It had been quite a long time since I was stirred (ew don’t be a freak) and in all honesty I liked it and had difficulty detaching myself when it turned out to be a bad fit. Even with the things said and done, it wasn’t enough to easily cut loose, the feelings kept it afloat.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all endured a lot of crap from someone we shouldn’t, but because of how we felt about them or how they made us feel we quickly forgave their transgressions.

Isn’t that how a lot of relationships between people are formed, based on feelings which then become attachments? Some relationships are easy to sever and others not so much for this very reason. We’re blinded by their ability to make us feel good, alive or whatever the positive impact we feel they have and in short, it’s addictive.

It’s a powerful drug, as everything we do is about how we feel. Coincidentally, what we get back is often a response to that. And this isn’t strictly between people, it’s everything! Money, family, jobs, health, food… how we feel about these things govern how we treat them.

So the next time you’re having difficulty understanding what’s happening in your life, ask yourself,’how does it make me feel?’and you should soon discover the root and hopefully the solution to your dilemma.

Knowing this, is both a gift and a curse, use it wisely, as just as others have the power to affect you, you have the power to affect others.

Xo

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Why Didn’t You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?!

Why Didn't You Warn Me?! is a podcast speaking on the things you should know, but don't. The things you typically find out after the fact, and it's sometimes too late. Fear not, Why Didn't You Warn Me?! with Irene aka Lipstick, will give you the 411 through story-telling, conversations, and refreshing perspectives.

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