Tag Archives: relationships

In All Honesty…

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Posted by in Experiences, Less Talk, Lessons Learnt, More Action

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I’m just going to come out and say it. I’m shit at keeping up.

I am not a routine person at all and need free reign to, well, freely reign over whatever I so wish. I like to hibernate from time to time and ruminate over my issues and thoughts in perfect peace and having to be visible disrupts that. Schedules to me are a constriction and only further incite the rebel in me. But, as my mother would say, man cannot live by bread alone and in this instance I cannot be without discipline and consistency as those are the springboards to success.

My relationship with posting is shoddy to say the least. I go through many peaks and troughs with it that I can only imagine for you is meh. *Whispers* If truth be told it’s an absolute miracle that I have been “blogging” for nearly 4 years!

So here is what I am going to ask of you, hold me accountable. No man is an island and no matter who it is, everyone needs someone to encourage or in my case push them to act. On my part I will do my best to continue cultivating discipline and be more consistent.

If there is something in your life that you know needs to improve, put the energy into doing just that. You will have good days where the progress is evident and palpable, but know that there will also be ‘bad days’ where you will want to throw the towel, bucket and sponge in, don’t. I more than anyone understands how an obstacle can come along and give you a swift kick in the shin, but continue to practice. Practice being better than you were yesterday, practice encouraging yourself, practice being disciplined in the small things so you can handle with more ease the big things, practice doing things out of your comfort zone so you can do more things out of your comfort zone, whatever it is, practice and don’t give up!

Xo

P.s How are we in March already?!

 

The Signs

26 Monday Feb 2018

Posted by in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action

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Dare I say it I am excited that it’s Monday and the start of a new week! Everything that happened last week is now in the past and we have new opportunities to make good on, so go forth and prosper!

The Signs 

Energy doesn’t lie, it can’t, it just is.

I, like a lot of people am big on energy. If their energy is off, there’s a high possibility that you’ll be off too.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been MIA because something else has held my attention. By something I mean someone. They held my attention in a way that it distracted me from the things I was supposed to do. I chose to allow their presence consume a lot of my energy and not in a good way.

During this period it became crystal clear to me how important it is to align yourself with people who encourage, support and want the best for you. If this is lacking in your relationships, run. I realised that I was dealing with someone who did not have the best intentions and although it was a difficult pill to swallow, it was absolutely necessary that I realised this now than later.

One person is enough to completely change the course of your life for the better or worse, so do not ignore the signs as they are always present and there to guide you onto a better path. Will it be pain free? No. In fact you’ll probably find it a struggle to detach yourself from them, but the pain you’ll experience from that is less than what you’ll experience in the long run if you continue to entertain and have this person influence your life.

Don’t know how to gauge if this person is right or not? Here are 5 questions to ask yourself:

  1. How do they regularly make you feel, uplifted or in low spirits?
  2. Are they helping you grow or making you stagnant?
  3. How have you changed since having them around, is it positive or negative?
  4. Do they care about your general wellbeing?
  5. Do they support your ambitions with love and careful consideration?

Asking those questions will paint a better picture of the quality of the relationships you have and if it’s not good, you’re one step closer to figuring out how to change that. The one thing you mustn’t do, is attempt to change them. It’s a futile exercise that no one has the power to do except the individual in question.

Your life is your responsibility and it’s up to you to filter out the people and things that do not cultivate the life you want to lead. Make it your business to protect your space.

Xo

It Doesn’t Work If You Don’t

31 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action, Motivation

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I’d love to tell you that some things just work like magic, that you can say a few words and the thing you want magically appears, unfortunately it is not always so.  The “magic” is however in the work.

There isn’t much we can enjoy in this life if we don’t use discipline to attain and maintain it. Discipline is “the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations”.

Want a great relationship with your partner? You need discipline to do the work to make it great. What this might look like is developing your communication skills, learning when to speak and when to just let things go, lifting your partner up even when they’re driving you nuts and doing things you wouldn’t normally do but know they love-discipline.

Want a thriving career? You need discipline in order to consistently do the work required so that it thrives. This might mean delivering a high standard of service or work and you cannot do that without being disciplined.

Want your body to be the best it’s ever been? You need discipline to regularly go to the gym and maintain a good nutritional diet.

Saving money for a big purchase? You need discipline to stick to the plan that you’ve set up to buy it. This could mean learning to effectively manage your finances and denying yourself certain pleasures for the sake of reaching the goal- discipline.

One of the greatest of all time, THE Michael Jackson couldn’t grant us all of his musical genius without exercising a huge amount of discipline. He used it to write songs, record them, produce them, dance and to do every other amazing thing that we witnessed.

We’ve seen the effects that a lack discipline has on our lives and that of others, for example, unruly kids turn into delinquent teenagers and lazy adults. Not having discipline has the power to affect our lives in such a negative way that we’d be ignorant to not exercise it to draw into our lives the things we desire.

If you don’t have much discipline, practice and yes it is a learned behaviour for some, myself included. Don’t allow a lack of discipline be the reason you don’t prosper how you want to as that is most certainly in your hands.

Xo

It’s None of My Business

17 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Life, More Action, Motivation

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The title was inspired by Mr Hotspot on Instagram, I love this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO6FkK5i6AY

It took me a while to learn how to not be so concerned with what someone else thought of me and my life and in all honesty I am still learning.

A couple of current truths about me are that I’m a perfectionist and critical which sort of means the same thing. So with anything that I do, it’s usually well thought out. The flip side to this is that I can be incredibly self-conscious and pedantic about everything!

‘What will they say? Will they judge me? What if they don’t like it? What if no one cares? They are going to hate it’

Pause…Okay, what if all your worst nightmares happen? And? Then what?

If there’s something I’ve learnt about people is that whether you’re bloody amazing or not they’re going to talk about you. Period. The only way to avoid that is to do nothing and be nothing and who wants to live like that? No one. And even still, no matter what it is, someone will find value in what you do and who you are. Social media is proof of this. The amount of times I’ve come across something I thought was absolutely insane, someone else was loving it.

So if they’re going to talk about you anyway, why not do the thing that you love to do, that you’re proud of, that makes you happy, that gives you purpose, that adds value that way you can stand by what you have chosen to do with your life, rather than feel like a fool for changing who you are and what you were doing to please others who couldn’t care less and are insistent on bringing you down regardless.

It’s not your business to worry about what others say about you and your life but it IS your business to be concerned your life and how you live it for you.

Surround yourself with those that will support and edify you and also be sure to BE the person you want to have in your life (Like attracts like).

Last thing, if there is one thing to consistently do in 2018 is to live your bestest (yes I said bestest) life!

Xo

Photo by Whole Magazine

To Find Your Peace, Face Your Beast

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, More Action, Motivation, relationships

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To find your peace, you must face your beast.

Nothing good comes out of hiding. You may find temporary relief in avoiding the issue or suppressing the pain but all you will have done is put it on hold. When we do this, we set ourselves up for a huge explosion that we’re seldom prepared for. As my friend and I will say, you have to unpack your load.

To unpack (by our definition) means to delve into discovering the root cause of your issues and facing it head on. Is it easy? No. Sometimes you discover it’s not what you thought it was about and other times it’s related to previous experiences that you never quite dealt with.

Someone did something recently that I took great offense to. It wasn’t just the low level of regard and respect that they showed, it was how their actions triggered insecurities. I now had to unpack and work through it otherwise it’d definitely affect my day to day but ultimately rob me of my peace of mind. This situation signaled to me that I still had some work to do on myself in that area and that I am not quite ‘there’ yet.

Too often when something threatens to upset our psyche, we go to our vice to quickly appease ourselves. We find a big enough distraction to shift our focus and attempt to diminish what is brewing. We’re too afraid to face what is looming ahead, so quick lets bury ourselves in something. The effects of doing this tend to last much longer than if we were to deal with the problem. For example, this terrible saying of ‘The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one’. What you’re actually doing is adding onto your things to unpack.

Are we able to still move forward in life without dealing with the issue? Absolutely, it’s called denial and suppression. The thing with doing that however is that it can show up in other areas of your life in the most obscure way. It’s not always detectable but it’s always there.

With most things, you have to actively work for it and peace is no different. Whether you meditate on it or take action, it will require you to make the efforts to help yourself.

So do yourself a favour, the next time something threatens your stability, don’t shy away from it, take some time out to figure out what it is telling you about yourself and work on and through it.

It won’t happen over night but it will happen over time.

Peace xo

Shaken, Not Stirred (Part 2)

22 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by in Creative Writing, Uncategorized

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Part 1

“Jamal!, what’s taking you so long?” Emmy came bounding through the front door irritated that she’d been waiting for what felt like hours in the car. 

She stopped in her tracks as she took in the breadth of what was before her eyes. Chelle, butt naked on the floor and Jamal standing over her. 

Jamal’s head snapped back to see his girlfriend staring at him in utter disbelief. “It’s not what it looks like” Jamal stuttered. Emmy didn’t respond. “Let’s go” she said calmly. 

Not another word was said and they left.

Chelle had by this point sat upright with her knees close to her chest and her arms in a tight embrace around them. She was not going to move or make a sound. She wished the wooden flooring would open up and swallow her whole, but when has your deepest desire ever come true when you needed it the most. 

She was still there, live in the flesh, watching the entire scene unfold before her eyes like a showreel except she was the lead character living out her worst moment.

Chelle wasn’t sure what would have been worse, the two words said or Emmy going into a rage and beating the absolute crap out of her. It’s like when you’ve done something bad and your parents sit you down and say “I’m disappointed”. Those two words have the power to shift worlds and make any person rethink their entire existence. You’d much rather they scold you, that way they can feel guilty in the end, but no, they won’t give you the power. That’s how this moment felt to Chelle.

She sat there with her back against the steel cold leg of the God forsaken island and sobbed. Her body shook with the memories of all the things that went wrong over the past three years. She cried for her short comings and failures. She wept for her loneliness.

Two beeps were heard from her phone. With a wet nose and hot tears streaming down her face, she crawled over to where it was, hoping it was a message from God saving her from her current plight. It wasn’t. The message read “Be out by Sunday”. 

Murphy’s law was in full effect and Chelle could do nothing but wail herself to sleep. 

The sunlight coming through a gap of the closed curtains woke Chelle up. She stirred but didn’t move a limb. It was two hours later before she moved her body and slowly gathered her bearings. It was at that moment that she realised the mahogany stained floor had been her pillow and bed for the night. As she began to wonder how she ended up there, the events from last night came flooding back. She considered laying back down but the discomfort and aches in her body influenced her otherwise. 

With nothing left to give she walked towards her room. It seemed so foreign to her like she was seeing it for the first time and in some ways she was. She’d outgrown this space. This way of living and feeling hurt too much and she was spent.

Maybe this would be a great opportunity for change. She could have a do over and leave everything behind. She never did belong here, this was a poor attempt to live a life that she knew deep down wasn’t for her.

She picked up her laptop, typed in what she was looking for, done. 

Taking only a few treasured items and passport, she left. Chelle would return home.

Xo

20 Things to Know in Your 20’s – Part 2

12 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, love, Thoughts in motion

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Continuing on from my last post on Sunday, here are the next 10 things I have learnt in my 20’s:

  1. Not everyone’s opinion matters, in fact yours is the most important. And if yours is self-depreciating then you need to remedy that immediately effectively.
  2. Heartbreak hurts like a bitch but one day you will be better. I was in love with someone for years and I honestly thought my little heart will never mend. It did. Now, I look back and laugh (cackle) at how dramatic that period of my life was. It was also one of the biggest teachers I have ever had
  3. Don’t be okay with the okey doke. If you believe you can have different, then go for it irrespective of what people say or the environment you are in. Many Greats started at the very bottom
  4. For my ladies, you can say no to sex if you don’t want to. Men, you don’t have to sleep with a girl, you control your membrane. Society might encourage that behaviour but for us all it is okay to say no, not today. The opposite is also okay too. But do so with caution and sense
  5. Let go. It requires way too much to hold on
  6. Cut and or reduce communication with those that do not add to your life. Honestly, the power is in your hands. You absolutely have a say in who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. It takes one person to ruin your life, don’t let that happen on your watch
  7. Travel. If it’s your thing and even if it’s not, a few visits to new places won’t hurt you, it’ll enrich you
  8. Work on your discipline. To live the life you want will require sacrifice and discipline. Otherwise years will go by and nothing in your life would have changed.
  9. Think carefully about what you want your future to look like and start to work on it now.
  10. People will let you down, repeatedly and you’ll do the same to others. Its life, nobody is perfect, don’t beat yourself up about it (I’m working on this as we speak), just do better

I hope you find some of the 10 tips useful, what are your tips?

Xo

The Year of Realisations

12 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by in Experiences, Late night, Lessons Learnt, Life

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As much as some find it purposeful, my writing is my remedy and I hope you’ll allow me to continue to use this platform to express myself as necessary and bear with me whilst I go through this weird phase.

A friend of mine would often say “Wow, the year of realisations” in response to anything (usually funny stuff) that takes her by surprise. I have a similar use for that phrase except the surprises are a bit more painful than funny.

I have recently had to question and re-evaluate some of the friendships that I have and it hurts to know that perception isn’t always reality.

The realisation that the esteem I held people in isn’t mutual is a hard pill to swallow. What concerns me more is having to look at myself and ask how did I get it so wrong? Why did I give of myself in a way that would yield such little return or regard?

I share this purely to show that irrespective of who anyone is, everyone deals with similar things.

How will I go forward with this new ‘enlightenment?’ Time and wise counsel from God. The one thing I do not want to do is harden my heart and become bitter, because let’s be real that will do more damage to me than it’ll ever do to them.

Relationships of any kind are hard work and require consistent reciprocal effort, compromise and compassion. If these are missing then it’s time to release the noose from around your neck and free yourself.

You cannot be of service from an empty space, you have to be full and part of that comes through your relationships with others.

Remember this, if there’s no love in it, leave it.

…In other news this is how I’m trying to be for the rest of the week:


LIT!

Xo

P.s I’ll be back to normal asap.

Cuffing Season

08 Wednesday Nov 2017

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Winter is here! And cuffing season is upon us. The struggle to find a bae is real. 

For those of you that don’t know what cuffing season is, by my definition it’s the autumn/winter period where due to the drastic change in weather, people find themselves a partner. It may be for the purpose of cuddling, having someone to go home to, Netflix and Chill, Christmas and all the other reasons to have a significant other. After all no one really wants to be alone especially during the festive period.

What makes C-Season particularly different is the urgency increases and the standards decrease and my thought is this: don’t let desperation take you where your backside(ass) isn’t supposed to be. 

One more time for those of you at the back.

Don’t 

Let

Desperation 

Take 

You 

Where

Your 

Backside(ass)

Isn’t 

Supposed 

To 

Be. 

And this is for all times and all things.

Let me tell you about this one time I found myself in a predicament I had no business being in. 

This time last year I was a mess! I literally hopscotched from one crappy ‘relationship’ to another shitty ‘relationship’ and why? Because my backside(ass) was, dare I admit it, desperate to change my status with a quickness. I was tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship and stupidly entertained another one that had the ‘appearance’ of being a good one. I was so wrong! And life taught me an invaluable lesson to mind my mother******* business. Fortunately for me, I was only bruised and not broken.

Things will transpire organically, there is never a need to manipulate or force life to happen for you the way you want it because 1) It’s likely to be more detrimental for you and 2) Because of number 1. 

Don’t allow society or the people around you, pressurise you into making a decision with potentially permanent effects based on a temporary feeling. Do focus on having fun and living your best life.

As always there is a time to sow and a time to harvest, just like seasons change so do circumstances.

Xo

Would You Date You?

06 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in love, relationships

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Would you date you? Be honest.

Not your typical Monday spiel but I think it’s worth thinking about it.

Whether you’re single, dating or in a relationship, every status is a minefield that needs to be broached with care and lots of thought. But, let’s talk about a significant other.

A lot of people often have long lists of wants and expectations that they themselves have no intention of meeting, do not meet and probably wouldn’t recognise even if it were right in front of them. So the question is, is it then okay to make these demands of others when you fall short yourself?

I do believe that the people in your life are a reflection of what you intrinsically believe about yourself and how you think. This of course will inform your decision on what you do and how you act. Ultimately it means that you attract what you are. So…I say this next bit with love, would the people you want to have in your life want you too? Again, be honest.

Yes, we are all wonderful in our own way, however, there is always always room for improvement.

Have a think about the question above and if you decide that yes there are things you can do to be better, start doing the work. Rome wasn’t built in a day so don’t expect the improvements to happen overnight, but with time, effort and consistency, it will begin to manifest.

Become the person you would want to have around you.

Xo

P.s I’m going to be back this week. I know I know, I say this all the time don’t I? and suddenly disappear, I am working on it, honest 🙂