Tag Archives: self love

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

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Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, relationships

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Whenever we take up issue with something or someone else, it is usually an indication of a greater issue that we have going on internally. For example, if you’re jealous of someone else’s looks or life, what that might be saying is that you have low self-esteem and do not see yourself as valuable. There may already be a feeling of inadequacy in existence, which seeing another person further aggravates.  

I recently had a situation where I felt like someone wasn’t as attentive as I would have liked. I worked myself up for days going over the details, but I knew that the issue didn’t really lie with them, it was me. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t have great confidence in myself, I didn’t believe I was worthy. During that period I acknowledged that I had some work to do on myself. And no it’s not easy nor does it happen overnight.

You see the problem isn’t always about the other person and what they did, in many instances it’s about us and how we truly feel about ourselves. This is part of the reason why it’s so important to focus on ourselves, because when we shift it onto something or someone else to avoid dealing with the problem, we do ourselves and the people around us a disservice. It’s a disservice because we’re not able to tap into the crux of what is happening, which ultimately shapes our world and the experiences we have. We cannot live at or give our best if we do this. If we don’t address it internally, we can never change it externally. 

So the next time someone’s actions or presence evokes a negative reaction or feeling in you, think about what it is really saying about you, is there something for you to work on? And if so don’t be afraid of it. Broach it with care and take your time, but whatever you do, do not ignore it. 

 Xo

A Different Kind of Love 

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Life, Thoughts in motion

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I have wanted to write on this topic for a while now, however I am still formulating my thoughts on what it is but so far here is what I have…
Self love, what is self love? I don’t have a concrete answer for this yet, but by own personal theory and understanding, self love is loving yourself the way you would want someone to love you. I’ve described it this way because I think it’s easier to digest.

Men and women dream of this “person” that will come and save them, treat them in ways you only hear about in books. To respect them, cherish them, care for them, encourage them, share with them, understand them, forgive them, be thoughtful, accept their flaws and all these other wonderful things. My question is this, are you all of these things for yourself? And if not, why not? When we think of love, we always think of it as being something outside of ourselves, that you only share with another person or thing but never with the person you spend the most time with, you.

Self love isn’t simply the superficial things we do to make ourselves feel better, but it’s how we speak about and to ourselves, how we consider ourselves, how we serve ourselves, how we respect ourselves, how we value ourselves, how we invest in ourselves, and how we cater to our spiritual, emotional and physical needs.

What does that look like in real life? Well, it’s doing what we are supposed to do when we’re supposed to do it. Our instincts serve as a guidance for the things we should accept, remove, grow from or let go of, however we’ve been conditioned and or choose to ignore it.

How are you nourishing yourself? It is commonly said that if you don’t love and respect yourself, no one else will. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. You, are the common denominator, it starts and ends with you.

I believe if you love yourself the way you want someone to love you, it will be difficult to exist in spaces where love isn’t attracted or reciprocated back to you.

At some point in the very near future, I’ll expand further on what self love looks like in real life, but for now I hope it’s opened your mind up a little as to what it is.

Till next time, be good to yourself.