It is everybody else’s fault!

Ha! What a statement! Ever been around someone where all these awful things happen to them and you’re wondering what are they doing with their lives to attract such crappy circumstances then after a while it dawns on you…the reason why this happens, is because of them.

Most times when a person tells their account of events, they tend to omit the part they played or mitigate their actions and therein lies part of the problem. For example, you have a person that is always late but somehow it’s never their fault, ample preparation and time management discipline will fix that.

The blame culture we live in, points the finger at everybody and everything else but them. This encouraged behaviour is self crippling and depreciating. I used to be that person above, the craziest things would “just happen to me” and I would lament and regurgitate the story to anyone who wanted to listen until I reached a point.

After being plagued with several less than conducive situations, I decided something had to give. I made the choice to figure out a way to live differently and there began my turning point. It was during this period, that I realised I had the ability to control to a large degree the experiences I was having in life, by making better choices.

Choice is a very powerful thing and when used in a deliberate way, the standard of life you live can be greatly improved upon. There is a strong sense of ownership and accountability when you acknowledge that YOU can affect this situation saying to yourself “What can I do to change this around?” as opposed to “it’s because of this, that or she did it”. Notice how in the last statement it has nothing to do with you, so in your mind there is NO thing you can do about it and you’ll end up just sitting there “lamenting and regurgitating” the chain of events rather than doing something to change the event.  When you accrue whatever has happened to completely being someone or something else’s fault or responsibility, you in that moment relinquish yourself of any power and right to do something about it.

Ill provide a brief example; let’s look at The Lord Sugar or more commonly known as Alan Sugar, who was from a poor background. In his time you were simply expected to follow in your parent’s footsteps and you were almost resigned to that legacy no matter what it was. However, he chose a different path and created his own rules, which yielded a wealth of knowledge, experience and profit. Assuming he accepted what was immediately before him and blamed his parents for not being able to greatly improve their circumstances, or that in the environment he was raised in, you were confined to doing what everybody else did, and to remain poverty stricken, then we would not know of Alan Sugar as he is.

Another popular situation is this, someone has proven to be detrimental to your life in every sense of the word yet you continue to give them the grace and benefit of someone that is purposeful to you. By now, it has been established that this person does not have the capacity to be a good addition to your life and affairs, why would YOU then continue to repeat this pattern? This, you must realise is entirely your choice, your action and subsequently, your consequences. This is no longer their responsibility, it is now yours as you only have control over what you do and how you respond.

How you think about yourself, who you permit in your presence, your happiness, your financial disposition, the type of people you attract, the circumstances you find yourself in, is ultimately your decision.  Many people complain about being unhappy in a job, relationship, or dysfunctional family situations and spend a lifetime talking about it but doing absolutely nothing about it. They fail to realise that in some cases the outcome is in direct relation to the choice they made. The job you don’t like, guess what you accepted it, the relationship you are unhappy in- you committed to it, the family dysfunction-you contributed to it- get my drift?

In order to change something, you must first introspect and examine where your focus is and what actions you take on a regular basis to cause such reactions. If you disapprove of them, don’t blame xyz, but instead do something about it and change it!

It is imperative that if you want to enhance your life you also need to be conscious of what you feed yourself on a daily basis and by that I mean what you chose to watch, listen to or surround yourself with. As the saying goes show me your friends and Ill tell who you are which in a lot of cases rings true as you tend to attract what you are.

When you hear, speak or repeat something enough, you with time become that very same thing. If you are constantly telling yourself unconstructive things then without fail you will find yourself in situations that are not productive. For example, “I’m broke, I never have any money, I can’t do this, I hate Mondays, men are stupid, women are deceptive, my parents didn’t do anything for me…” and so on. Repeating such statements, contributes to the kind of experiences you have. Anything with a negative or positive connotation has the ability to shape your life.

I believe there isn’t anything that is unattainable just look around you, everything you see was once a thought in a person’s mind, so whatever it is you want to do, use your choice to make a decision and act on it. Refrain from making excuses because news flash it’s hard for everyone.

If you are not yet competent at making better decisions-practice! Might sound odd to say practice but it makes sense. If you are a football player, a film maker, or a motivational speaker, regardless of whether or not you are gifted in these areas, you must practice in order to get better; the same applies to your life! Practice making better choices, quicker impactful decisions, the qualities you want to have, whatever it is that you aim to achieve, practice. Not everything is an innate ability and will have to be a learned behaviour.

Remember that the process might be slow and steady which is perfectly fine, as long as you commit to it, you will get there.

So in closing this first part, they say you are what you eat like I say you are what you repeat!

Signed LBC

PS it’s not every day follow, sometimes take the lead…