Tag Archives: success

Back to Life, Back to Reality.

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And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won.

Whew! Returning to the blog after an unplanned period away, is like that first day at the gym after falling off for months. It takes a whole lot to get there. 
On this occasion, the distance was due to Covid. Yup. That MF. 
And for a moment it was a bit touch and go.
I won’t delve into the details unless requested, as there are plenty of resources out there. All I’ll say is, take very good care of yourself and pay acute attention to your body.

The remnants of it have only just exited the building and time will tell what other outcomes there may be. Aside from it doing a huge number on my body, it’s resulted in an uphill battle of getting back into the swing of things. And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won.

I have much to get out and hope for as long as you can, that you’ll continue to join me on this ride. 

Wishing you all a spectacular rest of the week Xo

A Little Value For My Value x Thank you!

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 10–My Life In Paris

This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.

by Irene Ephraim

Forgive–To Cancel a Debt.

Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life. To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve. …but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison.  Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re …

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by Irene Ephraim

What Are You Looking At? 

A video of Kim K came across my sight over the weekend. It was her on SNL. I watched it and it dawned on me that I have no idea what she and her family were up to these days.  It’s fascinating what can change once you set your eyes on something entirely different.  I regularly …

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by Irene Ephraim

Finishing Well

I visited the Musée Yves Saint Laurent on Sunday and was re-energised by what I saw. For the designer, it was more than just clothes that looked good, it was art, curated by passion, breaking moulds and forging new ways to be seen and felt. As I perused his wears, studied the fabrics, observed the …

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by Irene Ephraim

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Question It

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Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post.

Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. And yes, whilst it may still contain notions previously thought of by those before us, we can however, develop those concepts further and make them our own.

When anything happens we assign a feeling, often predetermined by other peoples thoughts and experiences, and that then, informs and shapes ours.
For example, you interviewed for a job and were not chosen for the role. The automated modus operandi for many is that of failure, low self-esteem, incompetence, depression and the list goes on. 

But why does not getting what you applied for, have to mean all those things? 
What if—what if whatever happens to you, you refrain from immediately reacting to it, and simply question, observe and ponder on it before determining your truest feelings? You just might uncover what belongs to do you and what doesn’t.

Question your modus operandi. 

Xo

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September

The feeling of a crisp Monday morning cannot be replicated by any other day of the week. It’s full of both promise and dread in equal amounts. What will it bring? What will I have to tackle? What joy will I experience? What task might feel too great? And whilst you marinate on it, you’ll …

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Back to Life, Back to Reality.

And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won. Whew! Returning to the blog after an unplanned period away, is like that first day at the gym after falling off for months. It takes a whole lot to get there. On this occasion, the distance was due to Covid. …

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Face Your Front

Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time. How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of …

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Face Your Front

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Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time.

How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of your energy from fruitless endeavours and redistributed into your own life?

When I reflect on a number of past activities, I momentarily feel a grave sense of regret because of what I allowed to fall by the wayside.
Energy is currency, and wherever you are spending it, is an investment you’re making each and every single time. With this in mind, what is your investment revealing to you?

I have regularly made other people and things a priority and we’ve all been taught to do that, often to our own detriment.
Truthfully, there will always be things to take care of and give yourself to, but it’s your responsibility to make your personal business of great importance and to see it through.
People are not always going to check in on you to see if you’re on track and doing what you said you’d do. You have to hold yourself accountable.
Create a system that gives you both the space to audit what you have done to date and develop your interests, and you can start by being present, analysing your thoughts, and examining your actions.

Only you know and understand the gravitas of the mandate you have for your life…Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live it out in this lifetime? and need I say it, the idea of tomorrow is a hope and not a guarantee.

XO

LATEST POSTS

Question It

Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post. Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. …

Continue reading →

by Irene Ephraim

It Didn’t Work

It didn’t work. Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt?  We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now.  I often go back to what I was like as a child. …

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by Irene Ephraim

Endless Excuses

We are full of excuses. Excuses that hinder, inhibit, and can foster stagnation. And yes, sometimes they are valid and substantiated, however, they are only as powerful as we say they are. I often remember what a coach said to me once, after I poured out my heart and laid out my issues regarding overcoming …

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by Irene Ephraim

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It Didn’t Work

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It didn’t work. 
Didn’t it? Or did you give up after the first attempt? 

We’ve become accustomed to expecting microwave results. 
We no longer believe in the art of cultivating, nurturing or giving of ourselves to a thing. We want it, and we want it now. 

I often go back to what I was like as a child. It reveals much of who we are today and who we could be.

When I couldn’t skip well, I skipped until I could.
When I could barely do a roly poly (forward roll), I practiced until I could to that and cartwheels.
When I wasn’t the fastest in a race, I ran until I got faster and faster.
When I was terrible at maths, I studied until I excelled at it. 
When I was told by my Sixth Form Law teacher to stop mucking around in class, I got an A in my coursework to silence her.
When I couldn’t swim, I learnt what I could from friends and later on in my 20’s I took lessons. 
When I was told I couldn’t do something and I disagreed with their opinion, I didn’t accept it as gospel. I instead invested the time and effort to ace it and prove myself right.

You were like that too. You relished the opportunity to know more, and you could spend hours on end practicing, learning, and doing it over and over again. What happened to that person?
The results of course were important, but the focus was in the undertaking, and this is what made the accomplishments sweeter.

Let’s get back to engaging with the process, and move away from obsessing about the outcome/whens, because truly that is where the real treasures lie; in the doing, in the learning, in the growing. The results are simply the icing on the cake. 

Xo 

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 8–Moving On

London to Paris–that’s the move I made during a pandemic. I talk about the good, bad and uncomfortable things about starting a new life somewhere different.

by Irene Ephraim

Lean In

I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life. Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find …

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by Irene Ephraim

One Day You’ll Be Old

One day you will be old. At least I hope to be. As I prepared for bed last night, I took one more glance in the mirror to observe myself, and I had an epiphany; one day I’ll be old and this skin that I’m waiting on to get better, will have lived life and …

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by Irene Ephraim

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Lean In

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Photo by RF._.studio on Pexels.com

I love knowing everything. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, who I’m doing it with (don’t be nasty), and how I’m doing it. I like my t’s crossed and i’s dotted, but that’s not life.
Life is full of beautiful, unpredictable, and transformative unknowns and you only get to find out when you press forward, and leap. Or at least hop.

In this season of transmutations, there is bound to be lots of uncertainty ahead and you may consider retreating into a corner. Don’t. Adjust your posture, straighten your back, wiggle your shoulders, take a deep breath, and lean in.

You are incredibly capable of dealing and moving through whatever lies ahead. Take a look at all you have accomplished thus far.

I came across a video of myself from 2 years ago. On the outside I looked fine, however things felt bleak and my energy was low. Nothing was aspirational.
A chuckle left my lips as the video played, because I was reminded that I can and will get through anything, as long as I continue to press on.
You will too.

Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.

Sheryl Sandberg

Xo

LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 6–Unravelling

What I thought 2019 would be vs what it is was. I felt like I was dragged through the mud, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have to fight tooth and nail for it! I share some of the difficulties of life and adulting.

by Irene Ephraim

You vs Society

When I take an unexpected break (which I am now calling a mid-season break), I usually return with an explanation in hand.I’m not doing that today (maybe later), and I hope by the end of this read, you too will choose yourself and your best interests. Society demands that you work incessantly. It’s crammed down …

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by Irene Ephraim

WDYWM?! Episode 5–Flights and Fights

There is so much of the world to see and experience, and what better way to do that than with friends and family, unless…you fight, fall out and break up! I speak on some of my trips, what happened and whether we bounced back, or not.

by Irene Ephraim

WDYWM?! Episode 4–Shipped and Left Behind

We all have events that have changed the course of our lives and who we are today. I share my experience on being uprooted from everything I knew, to start a life at a private boarding school in what was then a foreign country to me.

by Irene Ephraim

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Success–A One Size Fits All?

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I have a gripe.
For some time now, seeing statements like this person is underrated, you could do better, or you have so much potential, has bothered me.
Is there a standard we’re ALL meant to aspire to and must have? And if we do not attain it, do we need to throw towel in?

Such remarks irk me, because whilst its well-meaning, it actually diminishes the individual, their choices and their offerings to the world, rather than the intended opposite.
It places unnecessary pressure for that person to perform and meet the invisible-ever-moving goal post of success. Not for them mind you, for other people’s pleasure. Ultimately, the underlying message is, you’re not good enough. Whew!

What could that do to a person’s self-esteem over a period of time? I’m sure some of you can relate, as you’ve had similar comments made about you.
And if we’re not vigilant, we can very easily slip into a deep abyss of unworthiness and a perpetual feeling of failure, that is hard to climb out of.

Success to me on some days, is waking up in time to attend my virtual french lesson at 7am. On other days it’s me being consistent with what I set out to do. Right now though, it’s me loving my life exactly as it is, curveballs, uncomfortable bits, confusion and all.

What is success to you void of outside influences? When you reflect, and come into the awareness of who you truly are, is whatever you are doing, in alignment?

I strongly believe in every person deciding for themselves, what’s for them, what isn’t, what success looks like and what it doesn’t.
We’ve all been trained to think of things as one way, and anything contrary to that is considered unacceptable, and that’s simply not true. There are so many shapes and sizes, and if you are a star, trying to be a square is unfair and harmful to you.

A mum was explaining how her baby decided to defecate as soon as the nappy came off. She laughed at it and then did the needful. The baby, obviously unaware of what they did, will continue to do as babies do.
How freeing? To do whatever you want, however you want and be accepted?
Just imagine if we allowed ourselves to be as free as babies are, to do whatever feels natural to us and be accepted as is…
It goes without saying that this does not mean descend into anarchical behaviour, as every action has a reaction, but outside that, the possibilities of who we could be and the lives we could lead are bountiful and endless.

To me, you being here, reading this post is proof of you as a success, but again, my opinion doesn’t mean much. Yours does though.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

Bursting at the Seams.

Man, the pressure. The pressure to be and do all is immense.  I have been on the go for the past couple of months, and I was afraid of a burnout.To avoid that, I gave myself an impromptu annual leave from creating last week. The weekend rolls around, quickly might I add, and a recollection of …

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by Irene Ephraim

Rolling in the Deep

It’s been a whole year since the very first lockdown was in place. Disbelief is still something I contend with. In an instant everything changed, and we all had to adjust to circumstances we’ve never experienced. Still adjusting. Things happened that are irrevocable, and we’ll always have the memories of this unprecedented time. A different …

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by Irene Ephraim

On An Island

If there is nothing else you take away from me, let ‘stay focused’ be the thing you remember.  I have been a conscious creative for 10 years. An entire decade. And in those years, I have done A LOT. I didn’t realise how much, until I stumbled across an old USB stick that contained some of …

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by Irene Ephraim

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Finishing Strong

13 Friday Dec 2019

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***Updated***

Running

Typically around this time of the year we start to reflect on all that we’ve done. We look at what have achieved and what we haven’t.

We examine closely the things we didn’t get to do and resign to saying ‘2020’ is my year. Pray tell, how will 2020 be any different if you’re not doing anything different? You still think the same, speak the same, act the same, have the same conversations, do the same things and somehow it’ll be…different?

I want you to remember that 2019 isn’t over yet and there is so much we can still do in creating the life we want to live.

Now I don’t have all the answers but I do know a little something that might help. I learnt something recently from my mentor that has helped shape what I do now and it’s this; the work is your habits.

What do your habits say about you and your life? The state of your life is in direct correlation to the habits you have nurtured and practice on a daily basis. For example, if you work out regularly, it’s likely to be evident in your fitness, physique and mentality. Like the saying goes the proof is the pudding.

After a long day at work, like most I just want to plop onto my bed. I don’t want to do any ‘house stuff’ least especially laundry. The clothes are on my bed and I gear up to swiftly push them to the side and curl up on my bed but I pause. What does this act do for me? 1) Fosters laziness and procrastination 2) Increases workload 3) Messy space, messy life 4) Lack of clarity…you see, that ‘little thing’ isn’t worth all that comes with it, so in most cases, I’ll sort it there and then. Everything you do, is mapping out your life.

So, as you go about your daily activities today think about this, what is what I’m about to do say about me and my life? And if you find that the answer is negative, there is your starting point for you to do something about it.

Check your habits and if you don’t like the results it produces, change your habits.

Xo

Magic? No, Work.

25 Monday Mar 2019

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‘The magic you’re looking for is in the work you are avoiding’. I wish I could refute this statement with all of my might but I can’t.

As a professional work avoider, I know how much (temporary) enjoyment I get from skiving off. That is until the chickens come home to roost.

I also know that doing the work is the actual key to unlocking rewards. And there’s no other way around it.

Usually that piece of work that I avoid becomes easy once I start doing it, then I’m bemused because ‘what was the big deal?, why was I avoiding this?’.

I’d had been procrastinating on writing a business plan for my next venture. When I did get around to it, I realised I had already completed a large portion of it on a previous occasion (I must have been delirious whilst doing it). Oh. So I can do it then.

With the new week upon us, what work have you been running away from? Run towards it. Grab it by the horns and make it your bitc submit to you. You already have what it takes, use it. Even if you don’t know how, start with what you know and things will begin to unfold.

I’m learning that with what you want, you can’t be afraid to work and sometimes work hard, as it is the very thing that will call forth your desires.

Xo

Personal Enemy No 1…You.

28 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by in Dreams, Life, Manifest, More Action

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Self-sabotage. What a bitch.

We’ve all done/do it and probably have experienced how difficult it is to unearth the habits that cause you to trip up and repeat stifling behaviours. Truthfully, it’s a scary thing to change your ways, as doing so requires you to push past who you currently are to be someone you have very little experience being.

It’s much much easier to remain as you are…yet you still feel so uncomfortable. Your desires niggle at you, willing you to get out of your comfort zone and do the work necessary to make your dreams materialise, but you’re scared shitless and feel like an imposter, ‘Who am I to have such audacious desires?’.

You might even make attempts to do the work, but you’re suddenly distracted, matter of fact you’re always “distracted”. You’ve become adept at finding excuses to not really show up, ‘It won’t work because so and so’. You want to leave it, you even convince yourself that you’re content to, but again, your dreams are persistent and won’t let you rest, it simply won’t allow you to just move on.

I get it. Changing is hard and real long lasting change takes time, effort and most importantly patience.

I do believe there’s a time and place for radical action but this is not one of them. Here requires a delicate approach. Below are 3 tips to help you help yourself.

1. Recognise the habits and thought patterns that keep you stagnant. One of mine is ‘There’s no point, I won’t get it.’ And guess what? It’s self-fulfilling, because automatically I won’t do the things required to get it. Side note: I had an interview today and got outside the building, only to come up with reasons why I didn’t want to go in. Thankfully, I had enough sense to call a friend who gave me something to think about. I went. I just needed a little push.

2. Pick one thing to alter and take a step towards it. I recently did a 24 hour ‘be positive’ challenge and I realised that as “positive” as I considered myself to be, I had A LOT of negative chatter going on subconsciously (lots more work to do).

3. Do the thing your gut has been begging you to do. It’s your biggest cheerleader. Refrain from constantly looking outside of yourself for affirmation. I truly believe that deep down every individual knows what’s best for them, they simply don’t trust themselves enough.

Take a chance on yourself, what is the worst that could happen? Growth- and that’s whether you succeed or don’t.

Xo

I Chose This Life

21 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by in Lessons Learnt, Life, Motivation, Thoughts in motion

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Winter FabA few years ago I was knocking on doors, trying to find the person who owned the car that had scratched mine. One person opened their door and instead of paying attention to what he was saying, I was peering into his home as I couldn’t help but notice how different it was.

It didn’t look like mine, even though we lived a street away. It was not designed in the way these homes were originally made. It had been gutted out and designed specifically to the owners wants.

It surprised me and I thought to myself ‘So we don’t all live the same?’. Now I know that might sound obvious, but think about it. If you lived in well known expensive town, you might think that the inhabitants are generally well to do.

It was significant to me because we often think that because an experience is shared by a group of people that everyone must be having the same experiences, and it is not so.

You wake up and hate going to work, someone else loves it.

You dislike the treatment you receive in this relationship by this wo/man, someone else is deeply in love and enjoying their partner.

You barely make enough to get by, someone else is making more in a month than you make in a year.

Your friendship group is lack lustre, someone else has a great group of friends and loves their life.

The difference in the above is about creating, creating by choice. We all live through and by the choices we make every single day.

You can live how you want to if only you will consistently make choices that align with the thing that you want.

Do not underestimate the power of your choices as they determine what you experience daily. Just take a look around you and examine what is taking place, what choices did you make? Don’t like it? Choose differently.

Xo