Tag Archives: Therapy

2021.

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Is there much to say except, WE MADE IT!
This wild ride of a year.

When films depicted what the future would look like, it was flying cars, superpowers and robots. Not a global virus, worldwide quarantine and lockdown. Wait, did The Simpsons predict this? They seem to be right on the money on these things. Dodgy business if you ask me.

We completed a history-making, life-altering year.
We lost a lot.
We gave a lot.
We changed a lot.

Whatever your current circumstances, well done.
You might have lost someone, a job, a home, a friend, and more, but you didn’t cower. You showed up for yourself and others, and that deserves a celebration.

I know we’re massively restricted in what we can do, but I encourage you to mark this feat in some way. A letter of gratitude, a glass of wine, getting dressed up, praying, calling family and friends, dancing, singing and so on. It can be as crazy or as mild as you want, just as long as you acknowledge what you’ve accomplished.

As we enter into 2021, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, full of incredible highs and wonderful moments! And thank you as always for your continued readership xox


LATEST POSTS

WDYWM?! Episode 10–My Life In Paris

This episode is about my experience of being a Black Brit who moved from London to Paris in a pandemic. I discuss having covid, language barriers and general challenges of integrating into a new society.

by Irene Ephraim

Forgive–To Cancel a Debt.

Nothing is more important than what you choose to do with the breadth of your life. To not forgive is to rob yourself of a life you deserve. …but alas it is you that has been sentenced to a life in prison.  Unforgiveness* is a treacherous con artist because it deceives you into thinking you’re …

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by Irene Ephraim

What Are You Looking At? 

A video of Kim K came across my sight over the weekend. It was her on SNL. I watched it and it dawned on me that I have no idea what she and her family were up to these days.  It’s fascinating what can change once you set your eyes on something entirely different.  I regularly …

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by Irene Ephraim

Finishing Well

I visited the Musée Yves Saint Laurent on Sunday and was re-energised by what I saw. For the designer, it was more than just clothes that looked good, it was art, curated by passion, breaking moulds and forging new ways to be seen and felt. As I perused his wears, studied the fabrics, observed the …

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by Irene Ephraim

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Navigating Your 30’s, You Should…

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On the 17th, I turned 33. My Jesus Year.
Whew. I can finally say that without thinking and feeling impending gloom (shout out to therapy). 

In the last year I have seen various conversations online about how incredible it is once you get to your 30’s and the leaps and bounds you make. I don’t disagree that it can be all those things, however a lot of people do not share those sentiments, and I want to say that it’s perfectly okay not to.

For years (and I’m still unlearning), there has been an unhealthy attachment with age and accomplishment. We have my beautiful, problematic and rich culture to thank for that. 

As a result of such indoctrination, I have walked around with an internal metric system, tallying up where I should be, at this each (st)age. Things like how I should look, what job I should have, how much money I should make, the type of person I should date, that I should have children by now, own homes, and all the other ‘shoulds’ you can think of!

What should actually does is establishes that there’s a lack, and too often an insurmountable pressure, leading to unmet expectations. You automatically ignore the present. I call it destination obsession.

‘Should’ had become a heavy part of my everyday language until recently.
I came to this awareness through the work I do in therapy, and that opportunity allowed me to examine the expectations that I had.
I have eliminated it from my vocabulary, and I am utilising other words that are gentle and kind to myself, and I have to say, I love it here!

The next time you use that word, I encourage you to pause and then examine your life with kind curiosity as my therapist says, meaning without judgement. You might discover that you love your life exactly the way it is and that you are where you’re meant to be.

Xo

LATEST POSTS

September

The feeling of a crisp Monday morning cannot be replicated by any other day of the week. It’s full of both promise and dread in equal amounts. What will it bring? What will I have to tackle? What joy will I experience? What task might feel too great? And whilst you marinate on it, you’ll …

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by Irene Ephraim

Back to Life, Back to Reality.

And if you’re seeing this post, it’s an indication that at least for today, I won. Whew! Returning to the blog after an unplanned period away, is like that first day at the gym after falling off for months. It takes a whole lot to get there. On this occasion, the distance was due to Covid. …

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by Irene Ephraim

Question It

Fortuitously, I picked up this book recently to re-read it for the umpteenth time and the words below reflect my sentiments in this post. Much of our education of the world comes from other sources. We seldom form and realise our own ideas about it till much later on in life, if ever at all. …

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by Irene Ephraim

Face Your Front

Face your front is a common Nigerian expression, meaning to look ahead, pay attention to your affairs and stop watching others. The irony is the exact opposite expression also exists, and its ‘Look at your mates’, but we will unpack that another time. How much further along might you be if you pull backed some of …

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by Irene Ephraim

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Nothing Lasts Forever

19 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Experiences, Lessons Learnt, Life

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facetune_05-03-2019-16-28-25.jpg

Nothing lasts forever and that’s not a bad thing.

I’m in this weird I-don’t-really-know-wtf is happening phase of life. You know the one, the one where things refuse to go the way you want it to and you can’t make sense of it.

Thankfully this won’t be a forever thing. Like the good book says ‘this too shall pass’ and I am clinging to those words fiercely. And you should too.

Knowing that ‘life comes at you fast’ is why I do my best to relish the great things I experience and to find the good things during hard times.

To savour the great times here are a few things I do:

1. Be present. Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the colours, what you see, smell, who you’re with, where you are. Use all of your senses to interact and connect with the moment.

2. Be thankful. I make seemingly small moments bigger by being grateful for the things I am able to do. I take just a few seconds to be thankful for what I’m experiencing. Things like withdrawing money, buying food, paying a bill, getting my nails done, looking at my family, using my phone. You get my drift. And in doing these things, I notice what I feel about being able to do these things and remember it.

3. Give. Whatever you are able to do no matter how small or big for another person or cause, do it. It does not have to be the obvious things like money, it could be time, encouragement, fixing something, anything you’re led to. I firmly believe that irrespective of your state there’s always something you can do.

To elevate your spirit during difficult times:

Do your best to keep doing the above.

1. With being present, look at the things you typically take for granted and are easily overlooked. Things you always have and do not struggle for and cherish it that much more.

2. Do more of the things you enjoying doing. It could be a hobby or improving a skill you have or even learning a new one. I started cooking more which I hardly did. I’ve made some meals I haven’t made in almost 5 years and I feel much better for it. The idea is to not place so much focus & mental energy on what isn’t working out as doing that only exacerbates the situation in your mind. It’s especially important in cases where it is out of your hands.

3. Meditate everyday. Make time to be quiet and still and…talk to yourself out loud (not loudly). If you believe in a higher power, talk to them instead. You can start with 5 minutes a day and use your phone to set an alarm for this session. I currently don’t use music but when I do it’s either rain sounds or spa music, however silence is my preference. With the busyness of life, having ‘you’ time to reflect and create is essential to being able to function well. Might sound unusual but it actually can be therapeutic to be your own counsellor. I always feel refreshed afterwards.

Hope this helps.

Xo

Sixth Sense

18 Wednesday Oct 2017

Posted by in More Action, Motivation

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I knew spilling my guts on here would help me out. Phew!

It’s like having a good old cry and suddenly having clarity afterwards, or when you’re having a bad day and opt to just sleep it off and you wake up feeling better. That’s what writing out my jargon on here did for me, so thank you.

Letting it flow will always produce much better results that forcing it to go. 

One of the things I heavily rely to do this, is my intuition and its especially handy with my writing. I go with what I sense rather than what I think.

You might not believe it, but you actually know what’s good for you, you simply don’t trust yourself enough to go with it.

So before you rest your eyes tonight, take a little bit of time to figure out the answers to the following:

  1. What you are feeling?
  2. Why you are feeling it?
  3. What’s taking place?
  4. Where you are heading next?

Sounds like a lot, but you can very quickly figure things out if you really focus on getting answers. Use your sixth sense (everyone has it, you just have to listen) to guide you to a better life.

Life has its own ebb and flow that if you pay real close attention to, will serve you well. Go against it and you’ll be fighting the change you actually want for much longer and a whole lot harder.

Even if its not clear to you now, it will be over time, flow with it.

Trust it, trust yourself.

Goodnight xo

Day 3: Flights and Feelings

28 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by in Experiences, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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You know I said I was going to the gym last night right? Well, I didn’t quite make it.

I took the selfie below and immediately after, I was struck with a very painful belly ache. It felt like someone was wringing out my stomach, hurt like a mother! I decided to forgo the gym for that night. Who knows what the belly ache was protecting me from?…

IMG_1738

Work today has been hectic, I’m lying, most days at work are hectic! Still, it’s not been a bad day except for me leaving work late again, which means I’ll probably be late again for my counselling session this evening.

Yup, you read right, coun-sel-ling- ses-sion. Times have changed, its not for ‘specific’ people anymore, its for everyone.

Say it with me “It’s for everyone!”.

With the right counsellor you can really make progress in certain areas in your life. What they are able to do is to get you to think, extract and create solutions whilst redirecting you to focal points in your life that need addressing. You might even consider me a counsellor of sorts (without the qualifications) in that I often provide a different perspective on things. They needn’t be seen as some taboo nor should you see yourself as broken if you have one.

In the year that I have been going, it’s helped immensely to have an unbiased ear to listen to my woes and gripes with life. If you have ever pondered on it, I say go for it! Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on this for too long, maybe I’ll share my experience at a later point.

*coughs * can I highlight that I am sharing things here that my nearest and dearest don’t know, sooo let’s keep this a secret okay? (she says whilst posting it on the world wide web, instant fail).

I’m getting off the bus and rushing there now. I’ll be back after my ‘appointment’- I prefer the word appointment, session in this context makes me feel weird. Don’t judge me I haven’t entirely made peace with all parts of counselling, bite me!

1900 hours

Today’s appointment was interesting.  My counsellor threatened me. Okay she didn’t (Ms Drama Queen Irene), she gave me an assignment that was non-negotiable, but is that not a threat?! Lol.  She has a point though, with previous assignments I generally don’t remember to do them, my mind is too busy. She informed me that if I don’t do it she has a surprise for me, pffft nice choice of words. I didn’t like the sound of that ‘surprise’ so after this I’m going to get started…tomorrow, no, Friday.

They came to check the damages to my car today for repair womp womp womp! It’s great that it’ll get fixed but the cost? 2 years no claims bonus lost, pay the excess and you just KNOW my insurance premium next year is going to be horrible! If you have any ideas how to avoid this, please, please, please let me know. However, I do intend on getting my bike license soon, maybe this would be the right time to abandon driving and get riding.

Before I go, I have to share that my baby brother went on his first holiday today and it tugged on little heart * cries *. Sure, he’s 19 but he will ALWAYS be my baby brother, forever! There’s an 11 year age gap between us so he feels more like my child as does my sister.

He doesn’t need me anymore, this indeed is a sad time 😦 .

Little Brother

Thats all, see ya and yes I will be going to the gym today.

Xo

P.s I’ll talk about the hashtag #NakedinSummer in my selfie tomorrow. It makes sense, trust me.