Tag Archives: Time

The Danger of Expectations

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Do you always get what you want?

Some time back I wrote in my notes that my expectations are making me depressed.

They’re such a weird thing, like you’re “meant” to have them, but then having them makes you prone to disappointment. On the other hand not having them can mean that you accept much less or that in some cases you receive much more, so what exactly are we supposed to do? How do we get the balance right?

At one point in my life I was the person with little to no expectations of things and people and without realising it received everything. I have also been the person with high expectations and intentions and consistently seen it fall through in epic proportions and consequently been gravely disappointed. For this reason I have spent some time really ruminating over ‘expectations’ and I think I have it figured out.

When I think about it, a lot of the times I’ve had a clear vision of what I want, it typically doesn’t materialise in that way. I still get it, it just looks a bit different.

Lots of motivational speakers talk much about belief, faith, setting intentions and so on, but what they don’t tell you is how to do these things; and believe it or not I do think there is a method to it. Not one that suits everything of course, but one that produces a healthier balance for your life (subjectively speaking).

Follow me for a moment. Ever watched a film adaptation of one of your favourite books and after watching it you thought ‘this was shit’. Well of course it was! It is NEVER going to match up to the imagery that your intricate and unique mind conceived.

Now using that same analogy, apply it to other situations, a job, a friendship, a lover, money, children. Can you see how you could live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and disappointment? How will you or anyone make it when your thoughts have determined what EVERY action and outcome should be? You have left no room for deviation, no room for creativity, no room for life to do its thing and with this way of thinking not even God will make the cut.

So many people are walking around depressed because things didn’t work out how they thought it would and then spend a considerable amount of time focusing on the results that didn’t happen. In doing this you miss out on what did happen, the blessings in that and also what you could do to make it better.

When we create and cement the outcome down to a T and refuse to be open, we deprive ourselves of being able to witness and appreciate the beauty in what IS happening. We stunt its growth and ultimately our growth. The happiest people as we know are those that make the best of what is there not of what isn’t.

The most successful people are successful because they keep moving. They didn’t get stuck on what didn’t happen, they focused on what did and made it better.

So do be expectant, continue to visualise, but refrain from becoming overly attached to it and restricting what it should be. Okay, you might say that’s settling. It’s not. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved in the makings of something. There are so many other factors involved, ones that we can see and ones that we can’t and we need to consider that too.

Allow life to happen because whether we like it or not, it will happen with or without you so you might as well roll with it.

Xo

P.s My sister took my pictures and I was obviously pretending to be cool or whatever.

A Dry Spell

13 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Experiences, Less Talk, Life, More Action, Thoughts in motion

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I bought these flowers last week and a day or two after getting them, I started to think ‘erm, are they broken?’ (I’m impatient remember and currently in rehab).

None of them were opening up, but I left them anyway. Slowly, one by one they began to bloom.

It reminded me that there is a process to everything and how crucial it is to be patient, lest (I feel so fancy using ‘lest’) you miss your time to shine.

Do not prematurely abandon your ship, in hopes of ‘making’ it on someone else’s or resorting to ‘it just isn’t for me’ quips. Without you, it will not reach its destination and neither will you. If you believe in it, deep down in your marrow, then continue to nurture it, no matter what anyone has to say.

Give it time, let your intuition guide you, and exercise patience- a lot of it.

Xo

P.s Patience is quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

 

Time is of the essence ‘cuz tomorrow is not promised

01 Monday Aug 2016

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I need another weekend to recuperate from the weekend that I have just had. I went from not having much to do, to 2 weddings and one of them ending in me returning home at 4 o’clock in the morning. 

In making the effort to be present, I have felt a greater sense of gratitude.

It’s hard not to be grateful when you still have your mother who is alive and well, when you have a roof over your head and your own personal space, when you have friends that love you and want to be in your company, when you have full control of your body, when you can celebrate with people who have found love, young and old as they walk down the aisle, when your talented sister does your hair wonderfully at no extra cost, when your brother gallantly welcomes you and always has a smile on his face, when you suddenly get dragged into a ring full of people to dance and you begin to do so awkwardly with your friends all the while laughing your head off, when you see your friend who has not been her usual vibrant self, come to life and shake all of what her mama gave her, when you recall the family and friends who have supported you financially without a second thought, when you’re able to spectate on the sunset as you drive home with your family… these are only a few of the things that I feel blessed to have witnessed and embrace. 

Sadly, some people have walked out of their house this morning with every expectation that they will return home, they will not. Some do make it home, but not in the same way, their lives will be changed forever. How haughty of us to believe that everything will be same and that things cannot take an unprecedented turn for the worse? For this reason, it is vital that we appreciate what is before us, from the little things to the big things, in the good and also in the not so good. 

Pause:

In the midst of writing this, I began to feel frustrated, sad and irritable due to external factors and I could not feel or focus on what I was writing. I took a break and looked for something that inspired me, a virtual mentor. As I went through their communication and interaction with the world, I started to feel a calmness move over me and I was reminded of my purpose and that things will be just fine.

It is important to be aware of what is happening with you and to have proactive measures to restore your mind and also your body. I thought I’d share that with you, because, well, I’m human 🙂 . 

Play:

I looked on social media and was faced with an array of horrific news of losses that had occurred over the past couple of days, I was deeply sadden and I sympathise with those suffering. 

What I wish to convey here, is a sense of urgency, to relish every good thing and moment while it is with you. Sorrying and I wish’ing later on, changes nothing.

Here, now, the good, the bad, the small, the big, find a way to see the positive and the upside to what is happening because need I say it, tomorrow is not promised.

Put on the biggest pair of rose coloured glasses if you must and let it affect what you do, how you do it, and the people around you.

Take nothing for granted.

 XO

 

‘I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was baller’

19 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in Dreams

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I’m usually inspired by the people I meet and the conversations that I have. This particular dialogue is one that I have had with myself a lot. It’s the ‘I wish I could have’ one. My friend was talking about how he wishes he was a certain age again and what he would do differently-haven’t we all been there? Wishing we could go back in time and have that passion, that opportunity, that loved one, that money, but the truth is, we can’t go back, so what’s the point? Why hang onto ‘what used to be’ instead of relishing ‘what is and can be’.

Whenever that subject matter comes to mind, I actively think “stop holding onto the past, let it go, move on and be better”. Yes, you may not have the same drive, that chance or that relationship any more but what you do have is this moment right now. This moment to make things how you would want it to be, so that in a few years time, you can be happy and proud of the choices you’ve made and the way you have lived your life.

I have a friend I call ‘Mrs good times’ because she’s fond of looking back and saying those were good times yet I always say to her ‘but you didn’t think so at the time’. We are all guilty of doing that, wanting to rush into the next phase of our lives because the one we have right now just isn’t good enough and for many of us, it never will be. Our perception and consequently our attitude will determine how we feel about ourselves, and ultimately what we do.

2012 was an incredibly trying year for me. I was unemployed for most of it, to say that I was depressed would be using the word lightly. I had bills to take care of that superseded the amount of money I had at any given time.  I was working practically for free under duress; otherwise the meagre remuneration I was paid every two weeks would get cut off. After enduring a particularly difficult time, on my 25th birthday that year (which is mid December) I spent it crying my eyes out and I hate crying! I had well and truly reached my breaking point. Things eventually did get better. When I reflect on that period, there is one thing I had failed to realise, I did not appreciate the amount of time I had to myself.

My very first post on this blog was inspired by that season titled “Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of” a quote by Benjamin Franklin. I actually wrote that piece for a writing competition and decided to use it as my very first introduction to this blog site. I was completely blinded by my need to be self sufficient and pursue my aspirations that I could not see that the copious amount of time I had, could have been converted into creating work that required no one but me and my commitment. I started writing a novel in 2011 that I barely looked at in 2012. I was fixated on earning money, and seeking out others to give me an opportunity when there was one that I had in my hand. It was only after I began working again did I acknowledge the gem that I had been given.

Sometimes we go through things that we don’t fully understand all aspects of or value until much after the fact.

My rationale is this, no matter where you are at this present time, find the gift in it. Good or bad, there is always something to learn, develop and use to your greater advantage.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”-Buddha

 

Age aint nothing but a number!

08 Wednesday Oct 2014

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Age ain’t nothing but a number!

People are making themselves emotionally and physically sick over these life robbing unwritten rules as to the way their life is suppose to be.

I write on this occasion for my ladies that are constantly being hit with “When are you going to get married and have kids?…” -_-. You are getting it from your family members, your friends, your colleagues, strangers and on top of all that seeing pictures day in, day out of others doing those things. You are bound to start feeling anxious and that you are falling far behind.

When you allow yourself to be managed and controlled by other people’s ideologies as to how they think your life should be, you will NEVER be happy. These same said people won’t be there when you’ve rushed yourself into an unhealthy relationship or stay up late with you to take care of your child/ren.

Allowing such pressures to affect how you live your life can cause you to make indelible choices that are hard to recover from.

Personally, I wish people would be quiet about these “statistics” of women’s infertility the older they get or the higher risk of down syndrome as if people that had kids young were completely exempt from such things…yeah I didn’t think so. Oh and the other one is the lack of “good” quality men out there. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of men you haven’t met but Sue wants you to be worried about it because Sue has never encountered a good man which is purely down to her terrible choices in them (You attract what you are).

If we want to talk about statistics let’s talk about the women that have perfectly healthy kids and are over forty? Or the woman that got married to the love of her life in her late 30’s? Shouldn’t this be considered too or nah? There is no singular rule book on how things are to be.

Having previously subjected myself to such thoughts I know how depressing it can begin to feel. I almost allowed it to end a good situation by saying “ I don’t have time to be with someone that doesn’t want to be married and have kids in the next couple years blah blah blah”  Laugh. Out. Loud. All because I succumbed to societies notions of where I should be in life. Truth be told I am not ready for all that!

It is not the end of the world if you don’t have these things by a certain age. As it is your life, I think it’s only fair that it should be governed by your rules.

So the next time someone says “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” here are a few retorts for you to use.

“I am getting married or having kids…

  1. When YOUR partner starts treating you better
  2. When YOUR kids are doing well in school
  3. When YOU leave the job you’ve been in for 5 years that you hate
  4. When YOU complete your degree that you put on hold for two years
  5. When YOUR finances are in order and you pay your bills on time and are not in thousands of debt
  6. In short I will get married and have kids when all of your life is in complete order.”

You see it’s not cute to make comments about something that is clearly none of your business, LOL. Everybody has something to work and improve upon so it would better if everybody just minded their own business.

In all honesty nobody is qualified to tell you how to live your life. What I write is to inspire, incite and encourage a different thought process and ultimately action, however it is entirely up to you how you choose to live your life because at the end of the day it IS your life-your responsibility, your choice-your consequences.

Signed LBC

Time Wasters

09 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by in Life

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Let’s just get to it. I like many of you do not like my time being wasted, point, blank and the period!

I find little sense in turning a simple process into a drawn out blueprint of the empire state building, if you know what I mean. It’s unnecessary, a bore and more than that is thoroughly frustrating.

I’m sure we could name a few people off the top of our heads that are not very useful and have no problem wasting your time or theirs for that matter, ggrrrr to those people!

However, such people are not the focus of this post, they were the initial inspiration but this post is not about them, this message is for you and I.

It is impossible to control the actions of another person so it will be redundant to rant and rave about someone’s terrible behaviour and actions without introspection on our own part.

I had a recent incident that (for lack of a better expression) drove me up the wall! I spent some time being annoyed with a situation and in that moment felt stuck and unable to progress. I wanted them to take responsibility for their lives and manage their business properly…Fat chance -_-

After reflecting on this, I acknowledged that there was some part of it that I played in the whole situation, albeit a minute one. This minute part ironically impacted on me significantly. The breadth that I afforded it, was further contribution towards my aggravation.

Sometimes we spend a great amount of time complaining when things aren’t going well, holding that situation hostage and going over it, over and over again creating it to be much larger than it ever need be. We have now spent that time being irritable with the chain of events or lack thereof, that in its place could have been used to be industrious and beneficial for us. The same amount of time used focusing on a problem can be used to create a solution.

The time we have is OURS to use however we see fit and should not be wasted on ineffective things or people.

What you use your time to do determines the kind of life you live. Whatever you spend your time doing will reflect in your day-to-day life. I once read something that said “If you are broke this time next year you only have yourself to blame” and that has stuck with me. You + activity x time= results.

So if you are in a position that YOU were in last year then it is evidence as to what you did or did not do with your time.

Some people will say “I am waiting for the perfect time” and my response to that is, such a time does not exist-You have to create it to be that way. People make plans for what they will do in the future for what they can actually begin to do now.

For example, you want to build your own house do you a) Wait till to have enough money b) Hope, wish and pray for someone to give you a lifeline or c) Begin the ground work for building a house without the capital. The pragmatic thing to do is c, you should always prepare for something as if it is right in front of you. The more you work at it the more achievable it becomes. You can speak to architects, contact construction companies, find out if you require planning permission and so on whilst you are working on attaining the capital. There is a wealth of knowledge to be acquired during that time which immediately becomes applied knowledge once the money is available. There is nothing more regressive than finally having the money and realising that you haven’t got the slightest idea on how to go about building your house. What would eventually happen is that you’ll end up wasting resources trying to figure it out, which could have been averted, if the proper planning was executed. When you are prepared, opportunities are quickly to come.

Those minutes that seem miniscule in the grand scheme of things, are crucial in building up the right habits that will enhance your life. To form any habit be it good or bad, time must be spent investing. You may view 5 minutes or 10 minutes as not enough time but that’s EXACTLY what you need to create a habit. In fact the act of not doing something because you THINK you don’t have time IS a habit in itself, its called procrastination!

Living in the “I can’t do this” means you won’t ever do it or even worse you will be forced to give it attention. You might think 30 minutes exercise isn’t sufficient and therefore put it off till you have more “time”, tell that to your doctor who now says you have to lose weight or you’ll be at a higher risk of heart disease or I can’t commit to creating this invention right now as I need days and weeks and then watching Dragons Den and seeing someone with your same idea get the investments they need to make it a global brand-feel the burn…

So three things to remember:

  • Don’t be a time waster. You chose who, what, when and how it is used
  • Every minute is valuable (Think about the person who was a minute too late in saying goodbye to their loved one). Your life is a direct reflection of what you have been doing.
  • If you want something, start now, don’t put off till tomorrow what you can begin to do today.

I end with this quote “Don’t look for the next opportunity, the one you have in hand is the opportunity”-Paul Arden

PS  Time is To Impact (your) Maximum Existence