This Is the Life We Spoke Of

I just got back from a solo trip to Malta. If you have ever tried to organise a trip away with others you’ll know how incredibly frustrating it can be. After months of trying to get it together with others, I scrapped those efforts and said right I’m going alone! I didn’t tell anyone until it was all booked. It was exactly what I needed. It enhanced my confidence in myself, that I can do it alone and although it’d be nice to have a companion, I am certainly enough.

Want to do something? Do it. Don’t allow the perfect time, thing or person prevent you from making that move. I have learnt then when you go ahead, the people that are for you will come to you in due time. Whilst in Malta, a friend in London told me he used to live there and that he can put me in contact with a friend of his to take me out and that’s exactly what happened. Within a few hours I was out exploring their night life.

Another thing to do or not do in this case, is talk about it. We all know what it feels like to talk about something and it not materialise, it’s embarrassing. I’m now operating on a strictly need to know basis, not purely because of the embarrassment, but what it does is allow me to work in private without the influence of others that ‘don’t get it’. A lot of the time all talking about it does is waste energy that you really could be using to actually do it. If you have to talk about it, speak about it to people who have done it or are doing it. You have to constantly keep yourself in alignment with the thing that you’re doing. You cannot afford to speak to those who are on a completely different path, because believe it or not they have the power to derail you. Would an architect speak to yoga instructor about their project? No, unless it’s about how to practice mediation with exercise then Bobs your uncle. Now, that’s not to say they can’t provide great insights, it’s just a ground you have to tread VERY lightly-assess them by their fruits.

So, nurture your goals in private and diligently, protect your mind, get in alignment and surround yourself with people doing the work and watch your life change.

Petty Bitter Betty

08 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by I.Ephraim in Experiences, Life, Thoughts in motion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Appreciation, Gratitude, love, Negative, perspective, Positive, Powerful, Thoughts become things, words

We are wired wrong.

There are some things that people are incredibly sensitive about, one of them is birthdays. I think nearly everyone can relate to this.

Mine is coming up and I had sent out invitations last night. Of course, with these things you get an onslaught of ‘I can’t make it’, ‘Sorry’, ‘I have a previous engagement’, blah blah blah! It’s to be expected. However it still doesn’t stop you from being in your feelings.

This was me yesterday, I began to think and feel negative about the fact that some of the invitees could not make it. I thought about the many, many, many times I had shown up for them in different ways and felt slighted that the efforts I make aren’t always reciprocated. This train of thought, coupled with my own other insecurities spell disaster. I even considered from this point onwards, not showing up for people and reducing the ways that I over extend and often times inconvenience myself to support these people. But then I caught myself, pressed pause and checked my thoughts.

This was the conversation I was having in my head and all within a few minutes might I add-Could you imagine, if I allowed this dialogue to continue for hours, days, months? I’d be a lil’ menace and a petty bitter betty. Thankfully, the good voice always reigns supreme so it never wins, but I have had some close calls.

It dawned on me that I was paying way too much unnecessary attention to all the no’s and not valuing and appreciating all the yeses and there were yeses. What the hell is wrong me?!

I know I am not the only one whose wiring is configured to magnify and exacerbate the negatives rather than promote and celebrate the wonderful positives. We have unfortunately been conditioned this way and it serves as our go-to whenever we face something we don’t particularly like and in some cases even when the circumstances are favourable, we find something to be upset about. This disposition is a huge blessing and gratitude blocker too.

It made me realize how deep rooted negative thinking can be and how it shows up even in the small things. It is not only damaging to you, but to the people around you. It’s a condition that needs treatment immediately effectively otherwise it may cause depression, isolation, or worse, death. And I am not kidding either.

It’s this kind of thinking that can eventually lead people to wanting to end it all, or find a destructive vice, like drugs, sex, self-harm, eating disorders and the like. So please don’t take it lightly, for your own good, do something about it.

I am often checking myself and filtering the thoughts that pass through my head, taking the ones that will serve me and ditching the ones that will not, although I am not always successful in respect of the latter, yet, still, I try.

I have to say something else that I don’t think a lot of people are aware of and it’s this: Not every thought that comes to mind is yours or is for you. Sometimes there are thoughts in the ether looking for a mind to stick to (which is why words are powerful, but that’s a topic for another day). There are times I have thoughts and I think ‘hold up, that’s not of me’ and immediately reject it.

Give it a shot, choose to be conscious of your thoughts, even the seemingly insignificant ones and examine if they are helping or destroying you.

As a very AA colloquial saying goes, ‘Check yourself, before you wreck yourself’.

Oh, and don’t be a PBB, it’s not a good look 🙂

Ps You know how I say I am dramatic right?…let me give you a better idea, King Julien IS my spirit animal (He gets me Lol!), nuff said.

Pps The urge to be petty always exists but then again so does Karma and that trumps petty so…erm…think about that.

Write your own auto/biography

28 Thursday May 2015

Posted by I.Ephraim in Dreams

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

author, autobiography, children, creative, imagination, inspire, JK Rowling, story, wikipedia, words, write

On Tuesday this week, I was speaking to a friend over the phone and I jokingly said ‘create a Wikipedia page on me, I’ll tell you what to write’ who says that?! (I do lol). He responded ‘Why don’t you just do one yourself? Anyone can do one’ errh because it’s corny! Who creates their OWN Wikipedia page, that’s like creating your own Instagram fan page, yet you have no following, LOSER! Or are they?

I was up uber early this morning, and I came across an article on Jessica Alba’s success and off the cuff (whilst sharing it with a friend), I thought this is how I want an article/(auto)biography of me to look like, and began writing one in text form to my friend. Words cannot articulate well enough how doing that exercise made me feel. I went from not wanting to get up from bed, to being successful and well accomplished. There wasn’t a fibre in my body that didn’t believe it to be true (or that it will be). My attitude and perspective instantly transformed.

As a child, you are told to use your imagination and be as creative as you like. As you grow older you are taught the opposite-the irony. It suddenly becomes ‘irresponsible’ to be that way and you have to ‘grow up’.

Here’s something to think about, anyone who has ever created something valuable or lived the life they dreamed of, was once seen as ridiculous to one person or many. Their imagination and outlandish behaviour pushed them towards creating masterpieces. Think of one person you admire, and read their story, every single one has encountered a unique set of challenges and thrived notwithstanding. Take JK Rowling for example, divorcee, single mum, on welfare, from the onset, society would dictate that the odds are heavily stacked against her, in spite of this, Harry Potter was born. Need I say more?

I implore you this morning to be as ludicrous as you like with what you want, create the life you want to live, on your terms and start by writing YOUR OWN AUTO/BIOGRAPHY. It is a powerful activity and as we know, thoughts become things, and words are like springs, once spoken, they are called into action.

Now I don’t know if I’m going to run along and create a Wikipedia page (although if you fancy the job, drop me a message-just kidding!) what I will re-emphasise is to write your story how you want it be and see what it does for you. Don’t be dictated to by society’s measures, you cannot break the mould by succumbing to its wills.

I’ll share a bit of what I wrote to my friend this morning, if you laugh (grrrr), actually I don’t care if you do :).

“Fiercely independent and determined, she sought the best out of life and would stop at nothing to get it, a quality bestowed upon her by her mother. Giving up was never an option. As a graduate she faced many adversities and this incited the desire to inspire others like her, to do and be better. With her experience and wisdom, she wrote her first book. It has sold over 1 million copies internationally, been translated in over 15 languages and is still a best seller 3 years after its release. A wife, mother, business tycoon, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, author and performer, Irene believes there isn’t anything that is unattainable. With all her accomplishments, it begs the question how does she do it all?”

Like they say if your dreams don’t frighten you, then they aren’t big enough! My friends response to my text this morning ‘Oh Irene, you’re like a big kid’ I guess that means I’m on the right track 😉 .

Words, weapons of mass destruction?

11 Monday May 2015

Posted by I.Ephraim in Life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

arsenal, build, decision, destroy, language, power, weapon, wise, words

Hope you had a great weekend, mine was fairly busy but good all the same!

So in continuing on with the 1 post for the next 7 days (which by default excluded the weekend 🙂 )here is todays preamble.

I had a pretty crap morning and I don’t know about you but sometimes when things don’t go accordingly, I think about EVERYTHING that isn’t right (Very bad habit). This naturally puts you in a negative space, well this was me earlier on. My mind was racing and I was inducing self inflicted stress. The mind is a powerful entity, that ironically must be minded. I knew I had to get out of this funk and quickly, today’s solution was much needed rest.

Protect what goes in and out of your mind and through your mouth. One thing I have learnt and occasionally the hard way is that the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me’ is an absolute fallacy lol. Occasionally I have been the culprit, but more often than not the recipient. It’s not restricted to what you say to someone or what is said to you, but also what you tell/call yourself.

‘You’re too fat, you’re too skinny, you’re ugly, you’re a failure, you’ll never make it, you’re too dark, your nose is big, your sibling is better than you, no one will ever want you’ and so on. We’ve probably heard some of these words and said some whether in jest or seriously and not known of the effects they have on the individual for many years after.

I’m pretty sure we can all remember that one thing someone said to us that has shaped us today, either positively or negatively, that we have never forgotten. See how powerful words are?

I remember constantly being told “You’re so dark” in a tone that revealed their contempt, dark usually inferred unattractive . Being quiet young at the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but as I got older, the picture was clear, light was right and dark wasn’t. Fortunately, this was one thing that didn’t manage to stick, although there were many close calls. The sad part is that these people are unaware of the aftermath of their words and will never know.

Callous words are like gum under a table, it sticks, becomes hardened and turns black over time. There’s a reason gum shouldn’t be swallowed…

Of course, you cannot always know what someone may find offensive, all you can do is be conscientious of the words you utter, as they’re creating realities.

Words influence, words build, words destroy, so use them discerningly. That’s not to say you can no longer be honest, by all means be honest , but choose your arsenal carefully.

The next time you have something to say think to yourself, stumbling block or building block? Let that inform your decision.

lipstickandblackcoffee

~ Be Live It

Tag Archives: words

This Is the Life We Spoke Of

Featured

SShhh Don’t Talk About It

Featured

Petty Bitter Betty

Write your own auto/biography

Words, weapons of mass destruction?